Welcome everybody to another episode of Our Wives Are Friends. With your host Tyler and Eric, we hope you enjoy the show. This episode is brought to you by nobody because we still don't have any sponsors. Welcome back, welcome back, welcome back to another episode of Our Wives Are Friends. Eric, welcome back. Thank you. Good to be back. Good to be back. You missed last episode. I know, I'm bummed. I'm bummed. You were buying a Subaru. A Suvi, I'm a Suvi owner.
We said, we said, we said, I didn't know Eric was a liberal. Anyway. I'm happy with my purchase. Welcome back, Eric. It always sucks when we miss. You miss one. You've missed a couple. The other times were like COVID related or whatever. Yeah, yeah. But it always sucks. Anyway, good to be back though. We got back Skyler. Yep, I'm back. Eric's back, you know. You're back. I'm going at it. The boys are back in town. The boys are back in town. They're back, man. Guess who's back? Back again? No?
Okay. No? Fuck yourself. And then we have a newcomer, Steven. Eddie. Yeah, talking to the mic guy. No, I'm talking to the mic. And you want me to shorten it for you? You can bend it like this. No, I don't think this checks out. Here we go. Let me fix this for you. Here we go. There you go. You talk great. Nice. Nice. It works now. It's just going to go into my sternum at this point. Maybe we should have switched it. No, it's all good. No, it's good. Okay. You talking to it?
You got to talk into the mic though. I am talking into the mic. This is inside the mic. You know, you got to put your mouth around it. No, don't do that. No. No. Don't do it. No, welcome on, Steven. Good to have you on. You do have a nickname though, right? I have many nicknames. Which nickname are we referring to? Toolbox. You're known as Toolbox. God damn it, Skylar. Toolbox. I don't work. That's your name. So we will refer to him as Toolbox. Okay. Is there a store behind that?
He's just prepared and ready to go at all times. He's the most prepared guy at work you'll ever meet in your life. We do work with Steven. So that is where we know him from. So I thought it would be funny to have him on. He's an interesting guy. But he is going to be a new dad. Yeah, new dad. Oh, well. Not yet. Almost there. Still baking in the oven. Okay. But he is going to be a new dad. What's the estimated kind of due date range? July 4th. July 4th. Eric, you too? Another new dad thing?
Oh, no. More? No. When's that happening? All right. So you're going to have time 2 and then you're going to have 3? Yeah, it's like he's multiplying each time. Yeah. Really trying to keep it going. Yeah, I'd probably cry if that happened. I don't know. I think, Tyler, I think you'd cry for me. I would cry for you. I would offer my support. And then I would also have to console Kelsey and do your minister your funeral when you hang yourself. When you find out you're having triple hits.
Yeah, let's not put that burden on me. But no, that's pretty exciting for you, Steven. Yeah. I'm pumped. I'm pumped about it. It only hit me like two months ago. So at work, we keep giving him realizations, real advice of, oh, hey, by the way, I go, have you started putting money away for the payment for the hospital? He's like, what? I'm like, it costs money to have a baby. Your insurance covers part of it, but it still costs money. And he's like, oh, shit.
All these, all the, you can see the wheels turning, you know, of like, oh, shit. I mean, you got to think of, especially when you bring the baby home, or even when you have your go bag for the hospital, you want to make sure that the car seat is installed in the car. I mean, properly, properly, because you're not going to have time once they bring you down to release you to install the car seat then. You want the car seat to already be installed in the car.
So it's just like all this, you can see the wheels turn in where he's like starting to see and realize like, oh fuck, like he's just digging. Oh yeah. Got the shovel out and just digging. Well, let me put it this way. Do you have any baby experience at all? Any kids in the family? I've even been yourself. I'm the oldest of what year were you born? 1999. Okay. I was like doomsday prepping for Y2J then. Y2J? Did you say Y2J? Y2K, yeah. Y2J is definitely a wrestling thing. Y2K.
Yeah, we were prepping for Y2K. We were buying cases of water and yeah, it was going to be the end of the world. Was it really that bad? Yeah, dude. People were freaked out. They thought that 2000, that just all the computers stopped working. They didn't know what the computers were going to do because of the date. There's a, so the date in the computer is a two digit, right? Yeah. So, they didn't know once they hit 99 what the computer was going to do when it reset. So, it wasn't going to wipe.
Like, everyone was just, it was just funny. Looking back at it now, it's like, okay, it just went back to zero. You guys made it sound like the entire world was going to explode once it started. That's what they thought. Some people took it to the extreme. So when that originally happened, me and another coworker were actually talking about it at work and Steven looked at us with a very odd expression and he actually just thought we were making up shit.
Yeah, he didn't realize, he thought we were making up his Y2K. Fucking around. He's like, what are you guys talking about? That was a real thing. Yeah, I thought you guys were trying to pull the whole over, man. No, no. I thought the world was just going to end. It was a thing. Technology was going to betray us. Tyler definitely still believes that. Yep, I still do that. With all the AI stuff that's coming out right now. That's why I want to upgrade my laptop at work. 2014, baby.
I thought you said it was 2007. Well, maybe. Your laptop's oldest. Yeah, shit. 2014, 2007. Kind of the same thing. The same thing, yeah. No jumps. No jumps in technology between them. Anyway, we'll be talking about something and Steven will try and go, what? Or I don't know what you guys are talking about or like, yeah. It just cracks us up sometimes because we're just like, oh yeah, you were born in 1999. Oh yeah, I missed out on some good times. You did miss out on a good time. I know.
But I have. You missed out on dial up porn. What's wrong with you? Dial up internet and it's slowly coming in. So I remember getting the AOL disks in the mail and it would add like, so you got like 2000 minutes free. You know what I mean? So you put it in and load it up. And then, but you couldn't also have anybody on the phone in the house at the same time you're trying to get on the internet. Get off the phone. Get off the phone. I'm trying to download porn.
No, the good one is not even get off the phone. You like secretly going unplug all the phones. Yeah. And then you just keep yours plugged in. Or a dial. Everyone's like, dude, there's no dial tone on the phone. Yeah. Hey, getting on AOL and then joining a chat room and be like, oh my God. You've got mail. Yeah. I remember that. It would take like 10 minutes to just connect to the internet. I mean, we're all rocking what Windows 98, Windows 95.
That first computer that I had was a desktop that was Windows 95. And I played solitaire and solitaire. You know, and mind sweeper. Mind sweeper. I was like, I thought it was the coolest thing that I was like on a computer and I was just playing fucking mind sweep. And it's so funny. Like mind sweeper. I didn't get how to play that till later. So when I was like that age, it was just completely random. Like, yeah, good times. It's even do you know what mine sweepers is similar to snake?
Oh, no, no, no, it is not. Oh, dear God, me now you're making me feel out of place. This should be the complete opposite for you. You guys are like living. Well, you're not living fossils compared to what I'm doing. Are you fucking serious? Living fossils. We're not that old. We're only in our early 30s. This guy definitely is. We're all this. We all went to high school. We're all the same age. We're all the same age. Partially used. I guess I just look. No, no. High mileage.
I guess I just look worse. You're high mileage? No, he's high mileage. Oh, what's the context? What qualifies as high mileage? That's not me. It's me. I'm high mileage. How are you high mileage? I don't know. Explain. Because you have a high school kid? A high school kid? Oh, I do have one high school kid. Yeah. But that doesn't make you high mileage. We all are the same age. Yeah. We all went to high school together, graduated together.
Eric's actually going to have more kids than me pretty soon. It's a possibility. When he has those triplets. Yeah. The possibility. It's going to be a solid Brady Bunch. It's going to be a solid Brady Bunch. Don't speak that life into this world. No, Skyler. Brady Bunch. He's going to have another one. He's going to have one graduating high school and then have one. Oh. And then have to go through it all over again. You're bastard. Yeah, that's happening. What do you think about that, Skyler?
I don't like that. That's happening. And then he's going to have to start over. Like my parents did. I'll all start over, but it won't have a family in it. Dude, check this out. So when we were... Go somewhere else. You want a crazy realization? Let's see it. When we were all... So my sister, when we were all in high school, like seniors, we're going in our senior year. Not this one. This one gets me every time. My mom and dad had my sister, right? So we were 16, 17 years older than my sister.
She is now the age and in the school, in high school, the age we were when she was born. She's going to be a senior next year. That's fucked up. We're as fucked up. Talk about fucking old, right? Yeah, it is. We're 16. I don't like it. I went to a Powerpuff game on Thursday night. Yeah, well, we'll put it this way. There's people we went to high school with that were pregnant in high school and their kids are like graduating right now. Dude. Yeah, that's weird too, right?
I'm like, I just started. Like, I remember when you're in class with me. Yeah, dude. How weird is that? Like some of those that had like kids like in high school, right after high school, and they're all, you know, 15, 16 or graduating, holding off to graduate high school. Their kids are. So he's close, but he's not quite that. No, no, my couple year buffer. My first came at 22. So. Oh, damn. The first first friend to have a kid out of all of our guys. You look so drained. Oh, yeah.
That's how it was. Yeah. The plan was to have them at 30, which I don't know what I was thinking. I couldn't if I could. I know, I know you are. You're mine when I was 30. Good luck catching up. How old were you, Eric? Yeah, that's 30. Yeah. Yeah. It's going to wear on you guys. I'm good. It's so far so good. So far so good. I'm good. I'm great. But you guys don't have a single one past five yet, right? Oh, oh, yeah, man. Your guys are kids coming. Why are you wishing upon this?
All of his are now walking. So he's chasing three at the same time. That might be worse. It's fun though. It's cool. It's fun for us. Turn loose outside. Let him go. Yeah, you know what? That's good. Keep doing that to him. According to Steven, Eric just got the new Walker. Just got the tennis balls put on. Oh, tennis balls. Oh, tennis balls. Put on the Walker on the legs. Chasing his kids around. It's great. Yeah. Chess balls. Awesome. Chest balls. You said test balls. I said tennis balls.
Slight slip of tongue. Yeah, that one. Okay. Light. A light or slight slight slight. Okay. But one thing, Steven, I'll give you a heads up on is, you know, the whole hospital time goes by fast. And then they're like, okay, here you go. And you're like, cool. Okay. I do know because you go from the realization of you have doctors there. You have nurses. Yeah. People helping you.
Yeah. And then they just go, all right, you can go home now when you're like, you're holding your kid going, but you're meant, you have to leave. Yeah. You're just, you're just sending me home with this thing. What do you mean? That's the feeling you're dude, you're going to have that feeling of like, okay, so I can just leave with it. You know, it's kind of like, how do you explain that?
Essentially, this is the way I look at it is the doctors and nurses kind of coach you along during your 48 hours stay. Yeah. And then they're kind of like, all right, see you later. Yeah. It's just like, like releasing you with it with your kid and you're just like, oh, I just can take this now. That sucks for you because you can get the experience. I didn't experience any of that.
No, no, no, no. Well, given my situation, you still got a little bit and then you guys are going to have an hope you guys enjoyed doing the new podcast with Juan Valdez. I will not be here. I will be in a different country. Yeah. Yeah. I'll be very tan in a different country. Does Michelle listen to the podcast? Yeah, sometimes. Okay. Hey, Michelle. I already told her. Oh, no. We've discussed this. We've discussed this. We need to have the girls all back on.
Yeah. I think we have that plan maybe later this year. Yeah. I know Danielle keeps asking. She's like, someone's in the next girls podcast. I'm like, I kind of just want to have them three just do their own podcast. They can run it. We won't even, maybe we could be here to kind of help with this stuff. No, it'd be fun. We'd probably actually get a sponsor. Yeah. What if they got sponsorship before? Just them. That would like hurt my ego.
I think just off their one episode where they came in and had like the girls and three some episodes. Turn the podcast into our husbands or douches. That's a girl. That's a girl. The girls and three some. Right in that day. Stephen, you look confused. Stephen. So we didn't get to this part. So you didn't tell us. Yeah. I mean, you know, they know now that you work with me and Tyler. What do you have anything that was before just some street hobo? Maybe, maybe.
See, they're going straight to that. No, I'm going to say, what would you like to, you want to tell them about yourself a little bit? What you got going on? Yeah. Now that we're 15 minutes in, we're 15 minutes in. Give us the tall tales of Stephen. Give us the short. Give us the short version. The short version? Oh, really? So you're hinting at the fact that I'm literally almost a midget. Stephen, what's your actual height?
I want to say five foot three, but I feel like I'd be pulling a Kevin Hart and it would just keep. I feel like you should show us your license. All right. No, I'm just kidding. I don't really need it, Stephen. Are you sure? Are you sure? We need to make sure you're old enough to be 18 to be on this spot again. You are a uniquely short man. You're a uniquely short man. All right. How old are you? I know you're born in 1999, but. I'm 24. In case people can't do math. In case you can't do math.
24. 24. I remember when you turned 21. I know it's strange because Daniel had brought that up the other day and I was like, Daniel is someone else we work with. Yes. He's just not throwing names out there like you're supposed to know. I'm talking to an audience, Stephen. Nobody knows who Daniel is. I'm sorry. Okay. So Daniel is somebody that we work with. I've known him for a little bit, but Daniel had brought it up to me recently that he's like, oh yeah, I remember when you turned 21 here.
I was like, it hasn't been that long. It has. Even when you turned 21, what was the first thing you did when you turned 21? Did you go get like a bunch of booze? You go buy a booze? What happened? Well, by the time he turned 21, he couldn't even have. That was when he could buy cigarettes too. Oh yeah. It was all at the window from there, dude. Because they've already changed the law by that. What did you do at this 21 year old age, Stephen? I can say. Prostitutes.
I went to the convenience store, picked a pack of beer, finished that, went to pick up another pack of beer. How was that feeling? How was that feeling when you did that? Pretty nervous because I thought you were like 12. Well, the funny thing is, they thought you were playing hide and hay, Mr. They thought I did it first, but the first one that I actually went to to go and buy beer, and this is specifically in oiled bill where it was, he actually would not accept my ID.
You thought it was a fake ID? No. I mean, like he said that it has to be the day after I turned 21. And I was like, what? Well, that's kind of weird. There's no way. And he refused from that moment to actually sell me. Tell that dude to fuck off because they probably have like crackheads and meth. Have you went back since and told that man to fuck off? I have not. I'm afraid that he'll actually drug me and steal my kidneys. He's a liar. Oh, God. Really?
Yeah. Well, first off, you probably shouldn't be buying beer from someone that you would assume. Dude, that was the most, like out of all the gas stations I could have chosen, that was probably the most ghetto one I could have gone to. And my dad insisted that I go to that one.
It's ironic that the most ghetto one would be the most insistent on coming back the next day like, like, oh, let me I need to see your birth certificate to see what time you were born to see if it's actually a full 21 years. Well, I mean, they did want he did say they might still as kidney. So they might want his blood type too. So yeah, dude, they want everything. So Tony and Stephen went to a sketchy liquor store slash gas station, tried to buy booze. You were denied.
Where did you go after this? I went to the Chevron on the street, which the older lady behind the counter was actually very helpful. She how helpful was her? Really? She actually went into detail like which beers might be better to start out with. She's like, oh, there you go. Good. Did she offer you smear it off? No, actually, she told me smeared off was for peggers and weirdos. I was like, oh, dear. Good to know. Because that's how the bottle boon's farm right here. You say peggers and weird.
I mean, that's that did start out for sure on smear. No, that's a damn sure. Eric, you. What about me? The more flavorful drinks at the time? At what time? At one, you know, younger times, Eric. Yeah. Oh, when I started off, were you icing yourself? But you didn't know it at the time? No, we were younger. I never really went down that. I just went down that path. I started on a good old Keystones, I think, or I don't know. I probably started on something else, but that's a Keystone guy.
Tell you, you know, Smirnoff. I know, like, yeah, like first, like when you first started drinking, like, were you like, oh, man, beers are kind of teasing like shit or like were you like instant like Smirnoff? I was Smirnoff. I did Smirnoff for a while. Well, so you got to remember, like being, you know, 21 when we were in high school. Yeah. And able to legally go by all while we were in high school. Yeah. No, it was kind of like whatever we could get our hands on, right? Usually.
It was usually smirnoff and things like beer. I'd drink beer if we had beer. I'll be honest. I think it was usually like, I'm gonna be honest. It was I think it was Natty Ice, Corona and Smirnoff. It's usually Natty or Keystone. Yeah, a lot of that. And then if you had something outside of that, like a cool, if someone brought Coors Light, that was like, that was like luxury beer. It was luxury at the time. Yeah. I don't know about you guys, but the Bush Light. I remember Bush Light.
Yeah. That they have right now makes me want to drink Bush Light. Hmm. The commercials are great. And then when he opens the can, it goes Bush. Like instead of. But I don't, it's like a dude out in the wilderness and he's like, it's kind of like, like the most manliest man in the world type of thing. They're going for, but it's just kind of funny. Like it just makes me want to have a Bush, it makes me want to go down and buy a case of Bush beer. I don't know why.
So, so Stephen, what did you end up buying from this? This woman? I bought Miller Light. What was your first Miller Light? What's your first beer you bought? I know. What was your first alcoholic beverage you ever had? vodka. And how old were you? I was 21 years old. You were what? I was 15 years old. 15. All right, I'm going to call 911. Hold on there. I'm writing this down. Stephen was 15 when he had his first tasting vodka. So you did that. Okay. So let's let's let's revert a little bit.
Okay. Cause maybe, maybe, you know, you turned 21, you did all that. Did you, did you hit that bar scene? Did you have a good time? You did all that 21. Yeah. That's very interesting. I definitely felt out of place in some of them. I actually mistakenly went to the Mint. My first time. You went to the Mint. That was a mistake. Okay. So if you're not familiar with that bar in our town, that is a buy bar. So they have it's now it's by now. Oh, it's been by. Oh, no, it was.
I don't know what the fuck it is. It was not when I went. Definitely tell you that. I have been there. Hey, it's been by because I've been there too. It's fine. The only reason to say it's a buy bar is because you've gone. You're like, yeah, it's not a school. It's both. No, but no, it was that back in the times. I wait. It's a gay bar. You did that back then. No, Casa Blanca is a gay bar. Whoa. I can attest to you that it might not. Now that's the one next.
We just talked about the ice house in the last episode. Even there. It's over there. They host things there now. Like what? Events. What kind of events? You speak like you've been to something recently, Tyler. No. I think that actually I think that. I'm not judging. The last company party I went to. The last company party I went to was. I'm just wondering if this is like. Maybe it was. Michelle doesn't know and this is I'm trying to prevent you from. Oh, yeah. Coming out on the podcast.
No, it's fine. Okay. Holes are all open, pal. It's fine. Whoa. We're good here. You do you, man. I don't know. I don't want to know. What if we could? No, I'm not judging. You do you, man. Eric understood. Eric understood. I got it. Eric caught it late. He caught it late. Very late than never. Tyler didn't. It was right by him. I'm just more found. I'm trying to move past. Okay. So, Stephen, you went to you went to the Mint. How was your time there?
It was all great and dandy until I realized that the guy I was trying to like. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Who are we on? Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. Okay. Got up in that guy. No, I went to go get drinks. Just to kind of like experience how it was. He bought a guy drinks. Okay. No. Listen, it started out at me just being there. And then all of a sudden the guy came up and just being friendly. I was like, okay, cool. I knew nothing about this. I was like, all right.
So we're just going to use him for drinks like pretend you were like into him just so he'd buy you alcohol. No, I didn't know anything about this bar. I'm trying to tell you. Did you touch tips? No, but it almost. Did he take you to the bathroom and show you where the glory hole is? No, but it was all fine. I was just jealous because he hasn't been to the mint. Well, I've been there, but I was never hit on. So I'm just jealous. I'm pretty sure they'd hit on Tyler. I've been.
Did they beat you up? Oh, I bet they would beat him up. No, I mean, eat him up. Oh my God, Stephen, what are you saying? I've definitely been hit on by men. He said they'd eat you up, man. So, OK, the bar scene turned 21. You can go to bars. Yeah, whatever. Did you ever take any women home? Did you ever like meet any women and take them home? Is this going to get you in trouble? Is your is your significant other going to listen to this?
I'm not sure, but there have been times where I bring up something. She's like, oh, that happened. She's like, you've never told me that. Well, this is that time where all she needs to do is say, honey, go on Spotify, go on Apple, go on everywhere. Podcasts are available. Listen to this episode. You're going to learn a lot about me. Let's open up, Stephen. We're here for you. You ever take. Did you ever take women home while you were this is the Stephen therapist podcast?
No, brought to you by nobody brought to you by nobody because we still don't have any sponsors. And I have it's definitely a very weird experience. I told him I don't like that word therapist. Sorry to budget. If you break it apart, it's the rapist. Whoa. Wow. All right. I don't like that word. Stephen, rush that out. Rush that out of here. Come on. I don't think that's going to leave my mind, you know, whatever. Think about it. We have we have this. We have this therapist. We have this lady.
Let's go. So I've told you about this one. This is the one that actually made me stop going to bars for a little while. This is actually the torpedo story that I told you the other day. Okay. Tell our listeners a torpedo story. So I started out at a tiki bar that I had been recently told by a colleague of mine, Nick, we'd worked for you don't go to details. How long you work for Nick from now on when you work with me and tell her, can you call us colleagues? Yeah, I like that.
That's pretty good. No, I'm not going to be that professional. But no, I know the TQ. I know this Tiki bar. It's a San Francisco. Oh, no, no, no, no, I thought you were talking about the one in our 10. So that's not so that's why you went to the men. Okay, never mind the wall. Hold on. From the mint San Francisco. I said, did you have to take any women home? Hold on. You go. I never we never finished a story about the mint though. You want to go back to the man? Where are we going?
I was all fine and dandy until I was brought back a vodka and it was kind of fizzing. I was like, is this a salt? What is this? I was like, at that moment, I clearly registered in my head. Even though I was like five beers deep, I was like, oh, wait a minute. I was like, that might not be a salt. Sir. What is this? That guy was trying to drug you into. Oh, dude, totally. My my anus was about to be blown apart. Oh my God. Damn. Wow. He saw your small stature and said that's a twink right there.
If I've ever seen one. Yeah. He's going to be like that. Pick you up like like. He can't even finish a sentence. Oh no. Finish this gallery. Come on. Yes, guy. He'd pick you up like you're carrying on on a flight, man. That'd be easy. That sounds like you're relating up to a mortal combat. I was trying, but it hit me. I feel like Eric, if I'm not mistaken, what he actually said wasn't what he was going to say. I feel like he took that time.
Yeah. I'm laughing to think of another way to approach it. He toned it down. He toned it down. I had. I had. We don't have any sponsors. We don't have sponsors. We don't have sponsors. You're correct. Oh, no, actually, Eric, per last podcast, we might get Steven Seagold. Yeah, I think we're going to we're going to reach out to Steven Seagold and see if he wants to come on the poll. Yeah, he definitely. It'd be cool. It'd be cool. But I think the stipulation would be would have to have ponytails.
Oh, or better start growing about or to agree to do this. He could freely kick our asses. Yeah, it's just going to be all agrees to come on our podcast. I will grow a pony tail. Would you freely let him kick your ass? Would we would you fight him? I'd let him I'd let him. I would fight him. I would have a few punches and then let him kick my ass. All right. I think that's fair enough. We're going to get a couple in and then it's just elder abuse because he's 74. I think we should pit Steven up.
I think we should put Steven up against Steven Seagold. Steven versus Steven. Yeah, Steven versus Steven. What do you think I look like? Many. We get all we get. We get 64. The big dude. Big boy. Anyway, torpedo story. So you got you into the mint. It's funny that you're calling this by a man. It's funny that you call this torpedo story going from the mint to San Francisco and then also almost getting roof feed. Now we call it the torpedo story. I've been through a lot of weird stuff, man.
I just I normally keep my light pretty private, but this is you have any fetishes. Oh, no, this isn't the place. I'm not going there. Steven, Steven, this is not the place for privacy. It's fine. No, it's only listened by hundreds of people. This is this is hollow ground. This is hollow ground, Steven. No one cares. No judgment. We only have listeners all over the world. You're good, dude. This is a safe space that nobody's going to listen to.
Steven, I came out here with my wife and we talked about but plugs. So it's fine. Oh, man. Hold on there, buddy. Are you serious? Yeah. You talk about what you're doing. Lord. As long as you don't get too racy. Yeah, I don't get too racy. I don't do it. You know, we don't stay away from politics. We just, you know, good, clean, and that's a clean humor. Okay. What about Steven? Let's get this torpedo going. Okay. Yep. Let's Steven say all this. Let's go.
So I was at the Tiki bar in San Francisco and it was pretty interesting. I recently went there for the, the rum that they were being talked about is Pirates Rum that was there, which is why you're after that Pirates booty. Is it real Pirates Rum? That's what they said. And it was actually pretty good. Except for the fact that it was like $35 just for like four ounces. It's literally just real. It's kind of a wild outlandish claim. Hold on. Pirates is a good movie.
Not Pirates of the Caribbean Pirates. Oh, Pirates. Pirates. Okay. Yeah. The Brassers porno. It's all the rum gold. I used to play that during my parties back in the day. Yeah. That was a thing. That was a thing, man. That was a good time. I was in stone's a genius. Guy is the best actor out there. Oh my God. There's something else, man. Anyway, you got bang by a dude. Whoa. I didn't even go that far. I'm just kidding. Stephen, Stephen, go on.
So they offered you this child's dream of real Pirate Rum. It was interesting. I liked it a lot. But. But you had it. Yes. Was it real? Did it taste like? I don't know if it was real. I went there because I was naive and I was younger and I thought it'd be interesting. Well, definitely didn't put hair on his chest. So. No, you don't say. Oh, no, we don't have to see. We don't have to see that. It's okay. It's a family friendly show. It's a family friendly show.
You're cracking open beers and making moaning noises and talking about butt plush. Yeah, I didn't make. Is it too late Tyler? It's too late for the. Oh, hold on. That one. I already cracked one. I didn't do it. No, I forgot. I messed up to you. I did the same thing. Okay, do it now. One, two. Oh, yeah. Oh, it doesn't. Maybe. I don't know. Anyway. So after the Pirate Rum, I got a couple more drinks. I tried a couple of their really.
A couple of their weirder beers and they had a couple of malts that I tried as well. Kind of what's a weird beer to you. Tell me what a weird beer is. Tell me it's a red stripe. Is it a red stripe? It was Jamaican. Was it Jamaican beer? Jamaican stubby. Was it a stubby? An Irish beer supposedly, but it tasted like a beer that had been left in the freezer. You know what I think about that? What's up? You know, you know, this is. You know, I'm not going to lie, Steven.
This is the first time I've ever heard Tyler use this in a word. I know it's weird. It's very strange. Come on, get the story going. You don't need to tell us every detail. Just like flying to it. I ended up meeting this girl there. We went back to her place. And so I'm getting undressed and now I'm getting ready to do like you just showed us. Like you just now showed us. Yep. Just I'm going to start sound effecting this whole fucking thing because and need something.
She was getting ready for the bathroom. And I was like, all right, just let me do my thing. I'd started getting on close and then she was like a Steven. I was like, oh, hold on. Hold on, do that voice of you. Steven. Yeah, I like that. Definitely sounds like a man. Yeah. Okay, continue. As soon as I turn, I quickly realized that past my face flew a tampon because apparently she was on her. You did. Oh, no, Steven. Straight up. Tell me this. Flung it from her. VJJ and at me. What?
God decided to spare me that day and hit the wall next to me. And I quickly looked at her before I could. Hold on, hold on real quick. Did it stick to the wall? Oh, it stuck. Like it was it was like full on coagulated had plots and everything. So bro. You did tell me this. Yeah. And I looked at her and I was like, what are you doing? And then she said, oh, I thought it would be hot. And I was like, what in your mind went through there when you was she taller than you? Yeah, she's tall.
Anybody's taller than me, dude. The heck, even if it's buying it. It does like long legs. Mm hmm. So she threw a used tampon at you, missed. Hey, no, she grabbed that thing straight from the well and chuck that shit from the well. Straight from the well. That's what we're calling up. Pussy's these days. How so if you rated it like darts, was that a bullseye? Was it like 50 point? How would you rate that point? If I was handicapped in the say, then yes, that would have been darts. Why? Why?
Some people dodge towards the object sometimes. Where does handicapped have to come in? I'm almost a midget. Come on. Maybe it's more like cornhole. I don't know. Oh, there was cornhole. Cornhole into my mouth because it was right at that level. Oh my gosh. Well, Stephen, that that did escalate quickly at the end there. Yeah. I was expecting you guys told me to get to the point. Tyler was soundboarding you and then until that point. So where did you go from there? What happened after that?
Was it just did that kill the mood or does it like spark a fire? So you had a good like you ended up through with absolutely not. So I picked up. I got out and that was it. I did not want anything to do. I was almost murdered with a tampon. Did you go back to this person later? No, no, no drinks in the world. So you're telling me you're telling me you if a if a gross act ensues upon a sexual escapade, there's no follow up. No, here's the thing.
If you think that throwing a tampon out of your gooch is a great thing for me. Gooch. That's a man again. I don't care. Look, it's it's the lingual here. If you think that's awesome, dude, that's cool. Just don't throw it at me. I mean, I've had I've had some weird sexual exorcism and I'm still followed through, you know, no, not this guy. I'm like right now, I was almost murdered. I saw my life flash. Who hasn't had a weird one, right? We're in that. I had weird ones, you know.
Well, Stephen, you know, maybe next time, follow through on it, man. You never knew what you could have been missing. Could have had another kid by now. Yeah, this weird thing where guys are like, I don't know if his ketchup. I think his ketchup, they're freezing ketchup or something like that and sticking up their ass. No, that was where we go. Where are you? No, it's where I emulate having a period. Eric, you just bought a Subaru and now you came back here and you just told us about that.
That was a poop ketchup. I sickles about. I don't know. But they were calling it igloo and they were essentially freezing their poop, which is Alaskan pipeline in a condom and sticking in a freezer. What you're telling me is that you bought a Subaru, you went back in time and now you're here with this story. Hold on. Hold on. Eric, do you have a ketchup? I sickle up your ass on the. Maybe that's where this is going. Maybe you made a mistake.
Hey, I'm going to have to pass on the Alabama hot pocket. Okay. Jesus. What the fuck did this turn into? Man, that went every which way at once. Academy Award. I'm like grossed out, but a little hard at the same time. No, it's just. So he's been rubbing your nipples. Yeah. Just constantly rubbing my nipples. Yeah. Most of this podcast is brought to you by Tyler's nipples. Man, I cut diamonds with these bad boys. Oh no. Blood diamonds. But he tampon. I didn't.
I honestly did not expect it to be a tampon thrown at you story. Oh, I know. I was just expecting here to be like. I expected to turn around to a very lovely sculpted lady and instead I got a tampon. The best way to describe. There's no warning before that. That's the best way Stephen described a woman. Have you ever heard? The most elegant fashion. Here's another question. So it was a tampon period related. Have you ever earned your red wings? I have. So what was the issue? That was by mistake.
You're down a clown. Yeah. You fuck it. You know, and she obviously was down. Well, nobody before. You could just use the blood as Lou Bro just hit it. Dang. Yeah, the. So I was just wondering if anything else. Stephen. Had. I think for earning their red wings ever has a tampon thrown at them straight from the source. You were 21. Hold on. Tyler. I think what Stephen, I think what Stephen's trying to get at again. Are you? Yeah. I had a fake idea that he. There it is.
Tyler. I think what Stephen's trying to get at is it. You said, have you earned your red wings, right? Now. He's saying. When you say you earned your red wings. When you originally went into that altercation there. Everywhere that's what Steven just was trying to go with that Cuz I'm gonna be honest if you present me with some crazy vampire as shit. I'm probably not gonna go down there
I'm good. Okay. Now if she took the tampon out and sucked on it herself I'm out Are you taking Dracula's mistress? What is vampire shit? Oh, I know vampire That's the only thing I could think of was like either she's suck on her own tampon and she's gonna force you to suck on it Oh, no, dude. Oh Did you just crack a beer? You sounded like thank you'll have an organism Oh I don't remember that episode I killed it
That conversation escalated really fast. Yeah Evan stone even made it into that conversation Evan stones my hero I hope he sponsors this podcast It's one of the greats. He's one of the greats So what you're saying is we should just start reaching out to the entire porn community to have them on the podcast Yeah, I don't know man. It's sponsors or sponsors. I think we were gonna
Why is your friends with friends? I think we're gonna follow this up with an only fans We'll be banging our wives are friends with benefits No, stay tuned for the aftermath. No You know, it sounds like our wives are friends after dark episode. Yeah, they're friends after dark our wives scissor Our wife's spin-off podcast our one scissor so never had this salty crew Blondale, huh?
Salty crew came with a shirt our wife says Tyler Scheller and Eric just watch That's what the wives and and continue the podcast This is your lizard back I don't know what's spinning his drink right now. There's the equipment's too expensive for me It was it was close. It was close and hold it back. It's almost like the trapeze You want to start this no, I'm just kidding Stephen. Yeah, you any finishes None of them willing to tell I don't know what's a little one. What's the difference?
I don't know dude. You tell me. No, I don't think so I thought I know of You're like a nipple twist or like is there something like when you're intimate that you're like Into listen, maybe we haven't maybe we're like I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't like you like a lot. How do you wait until I live it as I do? Inter participate in what's up. I don't know. Why?
a gustado zu So it'd be a pretty bad time if you were shorter dude, honestly, I feel like would it be I put strange coins up my ass Yeah, okay, sir. So Tyler We're sharing sharing carrying circle well, I Like to be a little aggressive. Oh, yes, okay, you know Oh hurt me plenty Doom let the doom guy. Yeah, you know For a round a little bit, you know fair enough. Okay. Now now we're going back to you Steven. Oh, no, what you got? You ain't getting out of me chief Back to Eric
Well, I'll just follow up and just say, you know, I'm pretty open-minded. He's all I don't have sex anymore every time we do We have a kid Yeah, some juicy detail, you know, I'm open-minded but some things go a little maybe too far for my liking He's hinting at your your stuff Skyler, that's fine And stuff doesn't haunt me for nine months later. No, but her breath might With your rim jobs over there. Oh Hey, like you little kiss. Oh, there's got yeah, there's rules pal. You don't kiss afterwards
You never specified that needs maybe that was his fetish. Maybe she liked it when he rimmed it After you didn't say a word. It's okay torpedo That's your new name torpedo. Please don't call me torpedo toolbox the torpedo Well, I'm glad we had that sharing moment. It felt pretty good
I think this episode is gonna be titled crack and open the toolbox with Skyler. I think this episode is brought to you by Evan Stone So you just your fetish Eric is is having kids I'm glad you said having kids and not just kids So your thing is kind of like it when it goes a little too far. Oh It's just a balance hack, you know, maybe maybe it's more of the long lines of too much of anything in excess is
Is there is there something you like doing? It doesn't have to be done to you Yeah, you came in today Different from last season's pocket. You have a really creepy or mustache. So oh, yeah, maybe like giving more mustache rides Hey, I mean whatever falls in the Sun, right? What I think they're trying to apply is there anything that let's just put this way I don't I don't pay you anything like that. You know, well, I wasn't going there
Yeah, we just immediately go to that Eric. We just we just assume so we're gonna change the subject here Okay, we're gonna get off Peggin and fucking finger-blasting anyway We're getting off that too I rebuke that It's Steven's fault. So I have a story Those has anybody so I don't know about Steven you guys have a story of Whether it's your old lady getting too deep into a Pinterest thing or now it's tick-tock, right? I saw this on tick-tock, so I'm gonna try it and always backfires
Right, it's always like oh, I'm gonna do this. I saw it on somebody did it on tick-tock Or I saw this trend or something and it never goes how it's supposed to go right? Yeah so Full-scholar the story. Yes. Yeah So it used to be Pinterest now it's tick-tock, right? So Danielle goes Hey, I'm gonna buy a bunch of Irish spring soap the bars. I Heard it the smell the scent repels mosquitoes. So I'm like, okay, so we're just gonna shower with it
Like no you shred it up like with a cheese grater. You sprinkle it around the house And the scent keeps the mosquitoes down and I'm like Okay, like in the back of my head. I'm like, it's the fucking stupidest idea I've ever heard But you know you just go okay, like let's just let's see it me if it works then great. Yeah, so Last Saturday I'm mowing the yards I'm taking care of everything we whack in mowing blowing you know I mean everything
The yards look you're looking good. No one's on moment blowing. She's in the bedroom Sitting with the TV going like Indian style
But our cheese grater that we use in the fucking kitchen. So, you know, we had tacos after that the taste of like fucking Irish spring So she's grated into a bowl and she goes out there and just starts what I just right after what I just did She's out there sprinkling Irish spring everywhere I'm like, okay looks fucking tacky And then but she goes she goes hey, you know what actually I'm gonna take the bar of soap and just rub it on the door frames
Like she's trying to keep the sky so like she's trying to keep demons out. Yeah, that's what you do to keep demons out And so she goes well I had this I said why don't you just do that from the get-go Like when you just take the bar of soap and rub it on the door frames and the window frames to begin with Even have shavings of Irish spring all over the fucking house She's like well, I had that thought halfway through grading, but I was like I'm already grading So there were I'm getting there
It did work. I'm getting there So the whole idea was to keep the mosquitoes down, right? Yeah So I was thought mosquitoes the entire time I don't think it worked at all So we had some heavy rains and so she did this on like a Saturday. It was supposed to rain Wednesday And I said so what happens when it rains you have soap all around the house It's just gonna like suds up and The whole house is gonna be covered in you know sudsy soapy mess now So Anyway, so
Wednesday, what was it? I think it was Thursday I come always Wednesday I come always Wednesday I come home From work. My mother-in-law was watching Austin And so she just has a grin on her face and she goes
Danielle's gonna be in trouble. I go, oh no So I look out in the backyard the rain Turned the soap into a congealed slippery fucking mess And it turned everything white that it touched so it looked like I fuck it was like the pier at the beach So it was like look like seagull shit everywhere all over my hard work The slider door has a had a film of like congealed soap
So I didn't even need to like no security. I don't have to lock it anymore Just if you walk up to eat shit and die I I don't like I was like speechless Then you're like fuck you tiktok Yeah, so then she goes so after she did the whole thing that Saturday where she's sprinkled everything and I you know mess with her And give her for it He goes hey, it was Sunday the next day She goes hey, I saw this thing on tiktok It was like a wait like a friend. What was it?
French dip or something. She's like I saw a way to make French dip on tiktok I think I'm gonna make it for dinner tonight. I said brought to you by the same people that came up with the fucking bright soap idea said I don't think so I feel like an Irish spring French dip would taste amazing
Dip it right into it. So now we have tons of bars of Irish spring that I'm now using in the shower It's probably gonna last me for the rest of my life She thought it was the greatest idea I was fighting the ski I could walk up to my garage to like enter the code to open the garage
And there's mosquitoes around my face. So like it didn't work but The guys at work brought up something hilarious and it was like She didn't think the fucking news could Probably just citronella citronella oil and just rub it everywhere You know the thing that's proven to work and keep mosquitoes down for hundreds of hundreds of years Yeah, that's a that's a rough call man. People do get on some trendy kicks these days
But I think some of that shit too is like to bait people. You know what I mean? Yeah Like to get them to do something like that I feel like maybe one of the owners of Irish spring was behind the TikTok to try to
Yeah, free sales right? Yeah, check it out. The soap will take your mosquitoes away too So do you guys have any stories like that where it's like They did something on all the backfires Man thinking like recently So like at home The wife goes and like she was trying to get her back She was trying to actually buy furniture So I mean at this point you're past Irish spring. Irish spring is like a dollar right? Whatever Couple packs of Irish spring, couple bucks right?
She was actually trying to she does this thing where she wants the
What is it? Like the living room the decorum To well she well the first one the first one she wants the decorum to like really stand out So we go furniture shopping And I'm like, oh, okay, and mind you the inside of her house is it's white It has white walls whatever the carpet is kind of tan whatever you know what I mean right And so she's like, oh, we'll take this blue couch, you know, we'll take the blue couch I'm like, all right, you know blue couch looks pretty cool
And then she's looking at these things. She's like, how about these like, you know, two yellow chairs I went, I'm sorry, what you just putting the rainbow in your house? Yeah, I said, what is this 1970s is what are we doing putting the most like a really like a shag carpet This is great. This is great. But no every every time it was something wild It was this crazy color. She just did it with our bathroom. She sat there and we have a bathroom again White walls the tiles kind of tan and she goes
Well, how about this? How will we get this? Like that's a bright ass orange carpet and a bright ass orange shower curtain I really don't want that and she's like, no, it'll look great. I'm like it won't it's going to be horrible
But going back to what Tyler was talking about the Irish pink thing. There was a moment Man, it was always back now, but we had our dogs and they kept digging holes in her backyard is really annoying and frustrating And sure enough, she said, hey, I saw online that again and online I saw things It was cayenne pepper goes here's cayenne pepper and I go, okay, so she sprinkled some I sprinkled some I was like, I don't know
I just kept it's a it's a keep like the dogs. Yeah. Yeah, I kept seeing the dog I kept seeing the dogs go right to it sniffing they didn't like it, but they just keep digging
They keep past it. You know one of them was probably, you know getting a boner and nothing all over the place But at that point I'm doing yard work and you know, I use my my leaf blower and I'm you know, I'm blowing grass I'll do whatever and my my both my kids were just outside playing basketball the time they got cayenne pepper right to the face Right to the face and they were screaming because it was just
They should come out while you were doing yard work and sprinkled a bunch of cayenne pepper No, I was in yard. It was already there. It was just dormant cayenne pepper chilling everywhere. So And you were hitting it with the blower and residual cayenne pepper that was sprinkled prior just like dust it up and blasted you kids right in the eyes Sometimes taking internet internet advice isn't the best. It's the same thing when you get sick and then you start googling it
It's probably not the best idea. Yeah, it's funny when people put out purposely wrongful advice It is. It happens a lot. Yeah. And it's funny because sometimes you're like, oh my god, this is a joke. This is hilarious Hence the Irish spring. People will never know. Yeah. Brought to you by the the great people that make Irish spring They can look back at this podcast and go, we fucking got that podcast guy Tyler
We're just screaming. We're looking for sponsors. The only thing we've had was like that was we tried Jell-O shots and Instead of putting the caps on and let them dry, you're supposed to flip them upside down with the cap on so that when you pull it off
You don't have to like dig, you know, through the Jell-O shot and it just it was a tremendous fail. It didn't work at all That's so low-key Eric Tyler's house has a plague upon it of Irish remnants She was sprinkling the Irish spring all the way around the house like it was a salt line to get the deal done It's funny. So Tyler recently got a new house and we laughed because he had really bad neighbors and they've moved out now
They were kind of like crackheads. They were all bad. But then how good does that make Tyler look when he has Irish spring all over his house? It's not much of a difference. I said, I thought we weren't trying to be these people. Yeah, you know, just be best friends and move with them I don't want to know where they're going. I'm 95% sure they were just squatting. Maybe Irish spring was a crackhead repellent.
You put it down, they move out. I don't know. Maybe it wasn't mosquito repellent, it was a meth head repellent I'm surprised you didn't let her go to the next level. She's like, maybe I'm gonna put this on the roof too You go ahead in the rain, go put that Irish spring up there on a ladder What's wrong with you? You took it too far Steven, what do you have to say about this? Steven, what do you have to say about the Irish spring?
I mean, coming from a leprechaun, what is it? Oh, you stole my lucky charms and now you want to talk about the Irish spring now? We didn't need it. We didn't need the accent. Speaking about houses we were talking about a few minutes ago. Go for it. Did you hire someone to fix your garage off Craigslist? No. I wonder if she gets an offer up? Offer up. I don't know if that's better. And how did it work out? That was good. I have a brand new garage now. That's amazing.
You're missing the whole story. Yeah. You have to tell the story. You didn't have something that was installed incorrectly. It was missing at two feet. No, yeah. So it was our house's fault. Not those guys. Our house had a couple inches or whatever. I don't even remember. But there was a whole top part of the garage where the door frame was weird. And I guess they only make starting standard garage doors. We bought a standard one. It didn't work. It would have been a custom job.
Those guys were pretty good though. They weren't bad. They just didn't want to do any of their own labor nor did they want to go to Home Depot to buy their own supplies. So I had to do all that. They just kind of hung out at my house. That's their job. Yeah. You would think. You would think. So what kind of rating did you give them? Five stars? You know what? After all it's done, we're going to go with a...
We're going to go with a six star. One of the six star consider I had to buy my own lumber. So it's out of ten? Out of ten. Out of ten. Out of ten. Out of ten. Out of ten. Had they not been so funny? I probably would have rated them much lower. So their humor gave them a higher rating? Well, the humor part really wasn't on them. It was more on me. And it's the fact that after I bought the lumber
and they told me to install it, I didn't blatantly refuse. I just worked around being a lazy piece of shit. And I kind of walked around. I was... They were at my house very late. Kind of sitting there like, is this guy going to put this shit up? I just dicked around. I just dicked around. And finally they were like, you know what? We'll do it. We'll do it. I was like, cool. This is what I wanted the whole time. Okay. Good time.
I'm actually going to... I think I'm going to go tell Michelle when I go home. I'm going to go tell her about the Irish Spring. I should. I heard it. I heard it keeps mosquitoes away. And the moment when she says, I've heard about that too, I'm going to slap her. I'm going to have Danielle actually call Michelle and tell her that it keeps mosquitoes down, that she should go out and buy a bunch of Irish Spring. You should definitely do that. Yeah. Anyway, Stephen.
Torpedo. Torpedo. Toolbox torpedo. Well, I mean, what's going on, dude? I was the experience. Interesting. Yeah. I mean, we're just having... I mean, you did a lot of listening, Stephen. Well, I mean, I could really chime in half the time when you guys talked about... You can chime in. You don't have to be so polite with this, man. I wasn't trying to act like I felt included in the Y2K because I knew nothing about that. You guys were talking about that at first or anything else besides that.
Well, Tyler's Irish Spring story is Y2K, so you could have gotten in that. Yeah, Y2K. Tiktok. You're all about that. She is, but she's mainly about showing me the funny things she finds on Tiktok and not so much as doing them. Does she know about your torpedo story? She does. And to this day, she kind of looks at me and is like, I can't believe it. Who do you think I'm with? I ended up going back. Dang. Absolutely not. Better have your catchers bits on for that baby.
Dude, I'm going to pass out. I've already told you, dude. Nah, I'm going to pass out. As soon as you made that noise, I instantly saw myself just... hitting the ground. Done. Anyway, send it. I don't even know, dude. I'm like, I'm speechless. I think this is the first time out of, I don't know, 30-something episodes or I'm speechless. Yeah. Trust me, I was doing the moment. I bet you were, Stephen. Yeah, this episode is definitely torpedoed.
I wish I could definitely sit there, go back to the feature style and just watch you do this whole ordeal. No. I wish I could be in the moment. Right in torpedoes. Should have threw it back. Yeah, you should have just caught it. Honestly, that's probably what I would have done. Grabbed it by the freaking string and chucked it right back. Neo in the Matrix. All right. This is more like somebody was playing Angry Birds and I was one of the pigs.
It almost hit me. It missed by literally maybe an itch. And you were just like... And your new body... No, I just walked out and just left her. No, obviously I looked at her and we exchanged words. Were you guys like in a hotel room? Were you guys in like her place? This was her bedroom. And she did this to it in her own bedroom? Yes. Of course. Was there other blood marks on the wall? Like this is the first time that she had a guy over and she threw a tampon at him?
No. You're like, wait, why is there other... There was blood splatter. They were everywhere. Yeah, just like all the fucking wall. Stuck to the ceiling. Like Dexter in her fucking room. I've honestly asked myself this question only once and I've teetered on the idea of whether she was just... Do you extremely drunk? Do you to this day get queasy walking down the tampon aisle at like a Target? A little bit. Fair enough.
It's scarred me to an extent because that was pretty... I didn't know I'd expect that at all. Torpedoes with toolbox in the sky. Yeah, I have nothing to do with that whole torpedo thing but that's great. Next time just jump up and catch it buddy. Yeah, in your mouth. She was taller than me but I think that's why she missed. Like a show dog. Did she pick you up and carry you like a baby? No. There's another story for another time. Oh wait. Okay, I guess we'll end on that note.
Anyway, I don't even know where to go with this now. Like I don't even know how to like... Well, I think when you send it off to her, she just tells everyone that if they have things they want to tell people like we did tonight, you should just go see a therapist. Okay, go see the rapist. And well, if anyone made it through this whole episode and is still listening. Yeah, dude. Thank you for listening and sticking around. Yeah, follow us on all the socials.
Or whatever, I don't even get to shit at this point. Yeah. But no, it was fun having you on man. It was a good time. I appreciate it. Thanks for being on Skyler 2. And I'm glad that Eric has a car now. I think Eric's stuck here. I think Eric is trying to find out what his actual fetishes are. So that's good. I'm doing some soul searching now. The next time we come back, we'll know what Eric's fetishes are. He's doing some deep soul searching. Good man. Anyway, everybody have a good day.
Thank you. Yeah. Yeah.