Sabreena Duffy - Ordineroli Speaking

Ordinarily speaking, I used to be ashamed of me A kiddn't care now I couldn't be proud of who I am and to get my story out there.

Some time.

Hello and welcome to Ordinarily speaking, this is one of the most inspiring stories I've ever had the privilege to share. Sabrina Duffy has overcome an enormous amount in life to become one of the country's best footy players. She's played two seasons of AFLW and made the All Australian squad both times. Sad was an integral part of Fremantle's undefeated campaign in twenty twenty.

She booted twelve.

Goals, the most across the comp. All this and she's only just turned twenty. It's incredible, especially for a young woman who has lived in foster care her entire life. For the first time, sab has decided to share her story publicly. If this episode is a trigger for you, please remember there is help out there. Lifeline dot org dot au or kids Helpline dot com dot au.

Are a couple of places you can go. I hope you enjoyed the chat.

That well.

Sabrina, thanks so much for joining me. I want to start by asking you, because you've you've got a really challenging story, You've had a really you know, challenging life, why do you want to tell your story today?

Yeah? I guess thanks for having me. I just want to get my story out there and show kids and people of the community that they're not alone, that people, for alls, are human and we do have our own stories and our own up and downs, and that's I guess what makes us unique. And I guess if we can get the word out there, and I guess it will give people the confidence to then tell their other stories, which is amazing. And I guess, yeah, I just want to tell my story.

What does footy mean to you?

Foot is everything? FOOTI is a safe space for me in particular, I guess I have so much fun when I play footy and I feel happy and safe, which you know sometimes that you don't feel that when you're a teen or a child coming up if you have an adversity that I had in my life. But I guess footy I always had that, and it always was there, never never left me, and I guess it gave me a safe space to express myself and how I felt. And luckily I was good at it.

So pretty damn good at it. You talk about adversity. We're going to step through these, but let's start at the start. Tell me about for you being a baby, what your life was.

Yeah, so, I guess I started noticing when I was about kindie, pre primary, I was a bit different. So I grew up in a foster family. So I guess when I was at school and I would having Mother's Day, for example, when we would write Mother's Day cards, I would always write Bethy, which is my foster mum's name, I love it to bits, and all the other kids would write Mum. I didn't realize why I was a bit different, and I still saw my mum and dad, but I had two sets of parents. I guess I

Yeah, So you were in foster care from pretty much day dight.

Yeah, so since birth, I went to the lovely care of Bethy and Peter. I mean the world to me, angels from heaven. As I said, I got them tatoo their names sat on my arms. But yeah, I went there since birth, and my sisters also came with me, luckily to the same house.

Yeah, tell me about your biological parents.

Yeah, I guess they didn't really see the value of being parents. I guess you could say it's hard to break addiction, I guess, And yeah, I guess that's what kind of stood in their way. And they have those challenges that they face. And I guess I knew I was destined for bigger and better things in the world and chose to put myself on the front foot and yeah, really take hold of my own life and not be

So yeah, what was your parents addiction?

Drug addiction. Yeah, so they were in and out of prison for most of my childhood growing up, which was interesting to say the least. But yeah, so, yeah, drug addiction. So I guess that's why I will never live with them, thankfully, So I don't think i'd be in the position that I am in today.

So tell me about how this came about. Because you're the youngest of three sisters, so you're older two sisters.

And then you came along.

Yeah. So my two sisters were in daycare. So my foster sister, she worked at the daycare that my two little sisters my big sisters were in, and one day my mum, biological mum, went to the daycare worker, who was my foster sister, and said, look, my kids are going to get taken away from me. Is there any chance you can have them? The girls really like you. So my foster sister ran down home to my foster parents' house and said, there's two adorable girls at the daycare.

So how old were your biological sisters at that time?

Yeah, so s I was six and Samanthos five, so I mean three?

So yeah, so six and three, and your mum's pregnant with you at the time, and you're now foster sister recognized as the urgency of the situation and asks her parents, Hey, can we take these two girls in?

Yeah? She was sixteen, So I think that's pretty significant of the sixteen year old and even for my foster parents having no idea who these kids are, to take them on like that with no hesitation and just yeah, I'm there's no words to describe how thankful I am. Yeah.

So you, as you get older, when did you realize your foster parents weren't your parents.

I think I always had like an idea that they weren't. It would be quite embarrassing. Would be at the shops and the checkout lady would say, oh, you look just like your mum, and she wasn't actually my mom. But yeah,

So, yeah, how did that feel?

At the time, I was a bit confused. I didn't really know what was going on. But then I think the more I understood it and the more I accepted it and was okay with it, I think the better it got. So my friends came around and they loved my foster parents, loves them, So I think, yeah, the more I was okay with it and accept it within myself and looked at it as a blessing rather than wishing I was normal, but there's actually no normal these days, is Yeah.

So when you're growing up at that young age, your foster parents still let you have a relationship with your biological parents, what was that relationship like?

Yeah, they always wanted me to be in contact with my parents. I think they're an ultimate goal was if they did ever get clean, that we would go back to them. They didn't obviously want to give us up, but they know what family means to people. Yeah, so it was a bit at the start. Mum was in and out when she felt like visiting, and my dad was every Sunday, so he, without a doubt, was at

That must have been pretty tough.

Yeah, it was scary to say. Mom kind of gave up, but my dad was around, persistent for about three months. Really didn't understand why I didn't want to see him anymore. But my foster parents were supportive of me. They copped a fabitish slack from it, but they were really supportive of me and my decisions and moving forward. And they just told my biological dad how it was and they're

What was the moment like when you when you realized what the drugs were, what the paraphernalia was. What was that like for you as such a little kid.

Yeah, I think it was. It was scary because I didn't obviously any kid that has their parents they idolized, and yeah, I want to want to have a good life like that, So I guess it was scary, But then I just thought it's an addiction and that's It's sad. Really, it's so hard to break. So I just had to accept it and kind of move on from it. Didn't. Yeah, so it did hurt me for a little bit, but they are who they are. They can't they can't change that as long as like I can accept it and that's okay.

You said your dad kept trying. Was that a good thing or how did that play out?

Yeah? I think it was a good thing because it showed that he did care a little bit more than my mu. I suppose he still sends birthday cards every year, so yeah, I guess that did show that he did care. In the end, I don't know. I know he still loves me and he would do anything to see me again. But I just for my own mental health, it was I needed. It's what I needed to do. And I'm glad that I realized the age of ten that I did that, because I don't know where I would be if I didn't do that.

It's a bloody big thing to go through as a ten year old.

Yeah, people go through worse. I guess do they like this? This is not I think they do. I think I'm pretty lucky in the situation that I'm in to have the posterpharents so that I do them a whole entire world, like I love them to pieces and to be able to live with my sisters for example, most families don't get that. So I love my sisters so much and would do anything for them.

So I guess, yeah, you're incredibly resilient.

I just you always look at someone does have it worse, and it's it's people sometimes don't get into the foster care system. They're out there and living in their cars and stuff like that. So it's just a real blessing. And my foster parents are angels from heaven.

How does that impact a person from that point growing up?

I guess it shows me if, for example, if I'm ever to have a child, what that child needs and what they do need. So I can't wait to be a mom, like I really can't wait to or even to be. I've done a bit of youth work, so I have my youth work certificate, so even just to give back and give kids that safe space and that role model, because I knew I always had that safe space, but I didn't necessarily have that role model. So yeah, I just want to really be a role model for

So your dad, Now, when was the last time you spoke to him?

When I was ten?

Yeah, nine years ago and your mom three years ago?

I think it was yeah, more recent, but I hadn't been since I was ten until yeah.

So what made you get back in touch with your mum?

So she was in prison and I got a phone call that she was getting deported, so I thought.

So she's from New Zealand originally.

Yeah, So I thought if I was in the same boat, I would want someone to be there for me. So I thought, I'm a forgiving person. I'd like to think I chose to forgive, and I went to see if she's all right and just had someone to talk to. And then I got a phone call a couple months later that she'd actually been granted to stay here in Perth, so that was a bit scary, so I thought this would be my last goodbye type thing. But yeah, she's now staying in here and well, from what I've heard,

So when she stayed, was that were you sort of had you prepared yourself for her to be out of your life?

Yeah? So I kind of had brought myself to be okay with it because I was a bit upset always always really loved my mum until I made that decision, so I think, yeah, I was propping myself. So then when she was told she could stay, I think it was a bit it was scary for me, but in a sense it was a relief as well, because you never know what could happen, and if she could never come back to the country, it's a bit sad. So yeah, so I think she's doing well for herself now, but I'm not entirely sure.

What was she in prison for.

Armed robbery? Yeah?

Did you have a conversation with her around that time?

Well, I think anyone who knows an addict, they don't really tend to depending on what they've done. They don't really want to come to terms with it. I guess because half the time they don't remember because they're under the influence. So we talked about it a bit, but she, yeah, didn't really have much of the right things to say.

So how did you feel walking out of that conversation.

Yeah, I was a bit angry. I just want people to just really. I was willing to forgive, but she wasn't willing to own up to her actions. So there's no I don't lose sleep over it. I guess I tried. I did my part, they could. I was kind of acting like the mom when I shouldn't have been. I'm the kids. So yeah, I did my part, and I guess I just hope the best for her and hope that she can turn her life around.

I know you talk about it because you've come to terms with the life that you've lived, You've had, you know, you've had to deal with a lot.

I'm listening to you, and I know people are going to be listening to you. It's such a lot. Like, do you appreciate how much you've been put through?

Yeah, I don't think I've been put through that much. I think there's Yeah, I think there is kids that do have it worse. I was so privileged to being put in the house that I was in my foster parents on my whole entire world, like the every day have not missed a footy game, and they've flown to all my state troops. They've flown to all my away games. Yeah, they I just can't be so like, I'm so thankful to have my sisters. I have their names tattooed on

You're listening to ordinarily speaking with Sabrina Duffy. Tell me about how it impacted your mental health.

Yeah, there was some days, I guess. Being as young as I was, I didn't really accept who I was and what was going on. But as I got older and I come to terms with it, I could understand why. I had a lot of anger, so quite an angry child growing up. Nowadays, I'm quite calm, which is good. Yeah, and I have quite bad anxiety, I guess, and fear. I guess from some of my trauma from my childhood.

Is the fear of abandonment at yeah, yes, and no, I know how loved I am by my family, but there is always that fear that some something could happen, or something could could turn and you could be left by by yourself.

But I always know that I have my two sisters ma side if I do need them, which is good.

Did you ever have those rebellious years given everything you went through?

No, not really, just more anger with my sisters a lot, which I kind of regret doing.

Now, what was the worst you did?

Ah, threw a metal coaster at my sister. You laugh when you say that. I don't think so. They would always they were because they were always bigger than me. They were the big sisters. They would sit on top of me and fight on me and do everything sisters would do. So I got I said, no, I was at that age and I was a bit bigger in my body. I thought, no, I'm going to stick up

Did you and your sisters ever sit down and have hard conversations about everything.

Not until I think we've all gotten a bit older. There were things growing up that I didn't see that they saw. Obviously, they were in the care of my biological apparance for the first early years of their life, so some things that I didn't quite understand, and they've probably had a lot less than I.

Have, what sort of things.

Obviously, just being in the care of people were addicts. I guess they weren't probably the first priority of my parents, which is sad, but credit to them. They're amazing young women now and my sister actually just had a baby, so it's pretty exciting. I love being an auntie. So yeah, they're amazing in the strength that they have. Really I did really look up to them.

Yeah, when you reflect on it. Now, what was the hardest thing for you.

Probably accepting that I wasn't normal as such, who my parents weren't, accepting that I was a foster kid, and I didn't necessarily call my foster parents mum and dad. I think that was a really big thing for me to accept because obviously you have all your friends at school that talk about their mum and dad, and I was a bit embarrassed. So I think when I did kind of accept that is when things did turn and

Your foster parents that you smile when I bring them up. They were going through their own stuff when you came along. Tell me about that.

Yeah. So they had a son, Alexander, who passed away a couple months I think before I was even born. And then obviously to be then asked to take on these kids is a huge ask. And they didn't even hesitate, which is really shows who their characters are, And if I could grow up to be half the person that those two people are, I would I would just be over the moon. And I just I think they've taught me to appreciate little things in life and to always

Do you know what happened to their son?

Not really, I wasn't born. I just know that when I came there, I felt nothing but love. So my middle name is actually Alexander. It's named after him, So he's Alexander, I'm Alexandra. So that my biological mum did something right there and gave me that middle am to honor their son, which was pretty amazing.

So your biological mum made that decision.

Yeah, yeah, so that was pretty powerful.

I think it's a pretty selfless thing that they've done. It's pretty special.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know what I would do without them. I'd be a wreck. But they are just like my rock and I think my two sisters can voucher that as well. We would be lost without them. So yeah, they have really given us a different outlook on life, and they really did give us that second chance, I guess.

Tell me about the day you were drafted.

Yeah, so I had everyone at the house, so my foster parents, my sisters, foster sisters, kids, everyone was at the house and there was a couple TV crews set up and when I heard my name called out, I just cried into my foster parents' arms. I think that they got that on film, which was pretty special, and they were over the moon. And if it really wasn't for them. Mum would not be drafted for sure, So I think it was pretty special to be able to share that moment with them all in the house.

And you were a Freo fan for life, weren't you.

Yeah, I was born and bred Freemantle, so we were Freemantle members. I can even remember the seat number in the row at subi Obles, so it was block one three one roast seats seats ten to fifteen, so as I'd sit, me and my foster dad sit on the end next to each other, and yeah, we'd be there every second week, would be there.

What did he say to you the day you got drafted?

I think he really cried more than I did. You know, he's a big softy. He's always up my games. Even when I played for Pill, he was always there every week with his Pill hat on, getting amongst it all. So I think he he was really happy for me. He always could see it. Even when there was days where I'd come home from training I'd be so exhausted and I think that I couldn't do it anymore. He would be the one there that would really push me

Do I detect a little bit of emotion there?

No, I'm good. I don't really. I'm not too nice to him. I probably didn't even want nice.

What do you do to him?

Oh? He just wants to talk. He's asking out my teammates. I want to ask how I'm gone. He just wants to all the boss. They're gems. They love it and they're so happy that I'm here at freend Antlean. Yeah, they're really grateful for the support that the club has behind me.

Did you your biological parents try and get in touch with you when you got drafted?

Not as such. I don't think my dad made comments that he saw me on the news to one of my sisters. I think my mum tried to message me on Facebook. I'm not sure. I just deleted it, not really, thankfully.

Do you hope one day to reconcile with them or is it just something that you've just moved on and that quarter has been cut.

I think I'm pretty content. I'm out at the moment. I've done this on my own type thing. I've done it with my foster parents in my corner and my sisters. So I think I'm pretty content where I'm at the moment. Things change in the future. If I feel the need to, then by all means I will, But I feel at the moment, I'm pretty happy with where I'm at.

And you spoke about your anxiety earlier.

How did that impact you last year because it was there at a point where you were thinking about walking away from footy.

Yeah, so people don't really know. I'm quite an anxious person. So when I get all this social media followers and that he does, it's quite confronting. So he did. There was a stage where I thought that it was getting too much. But the docors, honestly, they have supported me so much through this process and I can't thank them enough. Like there's no other club that I would rather be at. So I think that's what got me through that. And my parents.

Yeah, tell me about the moment that you thought I want to give it up.

I think I was just having one of those days that you go through sometimes and then yeah, and then I had some really good support from the AHLPA and so she's me really well and Springer. So he's a boxing coach down at the club, so he I went and saw him three times a week at his gym, and he was just we'd go out and get smoothies and stuff. He was just a really good mentor for

So when you got back to the footy club this year, did it feel different?

Yeah? It did because I felt like I belonged. I felt like people understood who I were and where it came from. And the group that we have now is such an awesome group of girls. I think everybody is on the same page, and everybody is so understanding, and everyone actually does have their own story, and I think it's good to have people who are different in the group because honestly, we have so much fun and it's just a group that everyone wants to be a part of.

So did you stand up in front of the group and share your story?

I have. Yeah. At the start of the year. I just I was partnered with Ebnie Antonio, so they actually changed the drill up on us, so we actually meant to stand up tell our story, but we had to tell our story to a teammate who they paired us with, and then the teammate told our story for us, So she told us parts of my story, which was cool, and then I told parts of her story. So that was eye opening to say the least.

Yeah, and are you still you started seeing a psychologist to try and deal with the anxiety. Are you're still doing that and are you finding it helpful?

Yeah, it's awesome. Probably when I was younger, I didn't really want to speak to anyone about it. I probably wasn't owning up to it as such, but now she's awesome. Yeah, I see. It was once a fortnight now it's scorn out to once a month. But yeah, the club have been really supportive with that and the AFLPA getting that involved. So I would recommend it. And you're not alone, so many people do it, So yeah.

What do you find most helpful out of it?

Someone just to talk to and they understand and even if you go in there and talk about what you think is the most pointless thing they listen. Like the other day, I was having getting in my head about my magnet. My name on the board was the last magnet on the board, and I thought, oh, I'm the worst player. So then my SYC tells me, you're all in your head. You don't need to think like that. So I think just little things like that they really

And is that what you've been through? I'm imagining it would impact your self worth because of you know, what you say, the traditional sort of family side of things, and then what you went through it gives you a different narrative to what you perhaps thought a kid would have.

Yeah, so I've always been a lot harder on myself than I probably should have been. Nowadays that I've accepted who I am, I think I'm proud. I want to get my story out there. So I am proud.

IFO I am, Yeah, I think you should be damn proud.

Yeah. No, I wouldn't be half the person I am though if it wasn't for my foster parents.

Yeah, how does it impact your life now? What everything you've been through?

I think it just shows me and other kids that are in my position that you can do it. You don't have to fall to that stereotype of oh, they're in the system, they can't make it. You can make it and you're not alone. And I think if I'd had that mentor growing up, who knows how different it

All of this podcast is about celebrating resilience, and I think you're an absolute picture of resilience. And like I said earlier, I'm kind of amazed the way that you just rattle through what you're talking about it and I just I can't imagine any part of that. So I find it amazing, and I think you're going to absolutely help a lot of people. So thank you for being so honest.

Yeah. No, I think just to show people that they're not alone is a really powerful thing, and this is a safe space and the AFL is an amazing place to be. I guess as a player because you have so much support around you. And then if I can give that support to even one person, know that I've made a difference is really what drives me to be the person who I am that I am and they continue to play football and be that role model.

Thank you, I.

Thank you soon time.

Thanks again for listening to this episode of Ordinarily Speaking, and once again, thanks so much to Sabrina Duffy for being so open and honest. I know she's going to help a lot of kids out there. If you enjoyed this episode, you may also want to check out episode one with Collingwood star Adam Trelaw. Don't forget to follow us on Instagram at Ordinarily Underscore Speaking and hit subscribe and tell your mates a new episode will drop on Wednesday.

Can use a leaper from you, Namada, tll me that you want to be.

Just let me like you are a big load.

Can I competrate the fire with you?

Just let me that you are a big