Nic Naitanui - Ordineroli Speaking

where he is. In the past six years alone, the boy from Fiji lost his beloved mum, played in a losing Grand final, did two acls, and then watched from the sidelines as his teammates won a premiership. All of it drives him every day. I'm really excited for you to hear this episode because this is Nick exactly as I've come to know and love him. A storyteller at times, a bit of a contradiction, but most of all, a genuine and generous human being who is a product of

his mother's hard work and big heart. He has always held on to his sense of humor and love of culture, and that really comes through in this chat. I hope you enjoy listening to this app as much as I enjoyed recording it. Don't forget if you like the podcast, hit subscribe, follow at ordinarily Underscore speaking on Instagram, and tell your mates, well, Nick, thanks very much for spending some time with me. You're laughing already, so this should be a little bit of fun in honor of not

being able to travel at the moment. I know you love traveling and you've seen some amazing little corners of the world. It also is a great opportunity to get outside your comfort zone. I wanted to ask you about a couple of times that you've been traveling and fair to say you've been outside your comfort zone. Starting with a story you told me recently about the time you went with West Coast to Cambodia and forced to share a room with the head coach, John Worsfold in interesting circumstances.

with John Warsfold. And yeah, I had an orphanage in the middle of Cambodia, and it was not the greatest place to sleep. I remember a rat running across me, but I think I told you that, but it was. Yeah. I couldn't react to it because you know, the head coach that anyone looks soft in front of.

I didn't sleep one night, But yeah, everyone was winging about the beds and you know, the sheets and whatnot. But I didn't care about that. I was more worried about what was going to run into my mouth when I was asleep.

same here in Perth. So for me, I try to get the complete opposite and somewhere different. And sometimes, yeah, I go to the extreme level when I go to places where you probably shouldn't travel or less traveled. And I was in Israel. I went to Israel, and while I was there, it was fun, but I wanted to

see the Gaza Strip, so I went there. I wanted to see Palestine, so I went across and saw Bethlehem and went you know, through Palestine, and then yeah, I went to the Syrian border, and yeah, it was different. Like when you're seeing missiles fly over your head at nighttime, or you know, people walking around with you know, machine guns like Ak forty seven's in the street, things like that, or you see millets and groups running wild with their you know, on the back of their Toyta highlaxes. It's

a big eye opener. It's a different world. And you know, for me growing up here in Perth, you know, the suburb of Midland. Like a lot of people out there, I think they're gangsters. Yeah, you know, gangsters like you go over there, those guys there are gangsters, like they're real thugs, like they you know, they see some stuff and they deal with some real last stuff and it just I love things that put things into perspective, and for me, that was one of the biggest eye open

It's probably not the safest. I wouldn't recommend anyone going there. The club didn't really like me going there, but my own man, I'm a free spirit, so I'm free to travel where I can when I can.

groups in certain parts. Yeah, I found myself in some sticky situations, like I remember one time I had to lay down flat in the car and put a jacket over my head because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and I looked like an American but I was you know, I was screaming I'm from Fiji, so they didn't know where I was from. But yeah, times like that where you worry and you think something really bad is going to happen, or I'm not going to see my you know, my friends were family again.

we can go back, and I legit laid flat. I was just like I was laying It was so embarrassing. But I was laying flat and still talking to him as he drove and sat up upright because there was no way I was sitting up and risking it. So I was like, you know what, mate, No, I'm all good. I'll lay down flat, yeah, and I'll talk to you. But there's no chance. I almost died back there. I'm not getting up. But yeah, it was an experience. It was an experience.

I'm who I am nicknamed. I can go around and do what I want. So I try to. Yeah, I try to rock up and where's your idea, sir? And there's no you know, you say you play football? Like what? Who? Like? Where? Like? Yeah? So I had to actually get a cab and go and get my passport. So that's probably why I lost it, because I'm not used to carrying something like that around. But yeah, news E was a good experience.

he watches TV. So he was in there with Lebron, like he did the Countdown with Lebron and Chris Brown and you know nas, all these guys are in there. And I remember he went up to this big this big dude with a leather jacket on and he goes, so, hey, mate, what do you do for crust? And this American guy, you know, had twenty gold chains and all the rings and stuff. He was like, who there is this dude? What's what's his goal? What's his deal? And I was like, oh,

I'm so sorry, Like it doesn't mean it. He's not being rude. And he's like, what do you mean mate? What do you What do you do for a crust? And he goes, what does across me me? And he goes what do you did for a job? And he's like you're in my VP section And I was like, man, Jordy walk away and he goes why. I said, man, that guy's P Diddy, Like you're asking P Diddy in his little private area what he does for a job. Like, man, you're embarrassing me. But I think low key they loved it.

Because no one knew well he didn't know who they were. But yeah, man, like it was. It was different, It was different, but yeah, memorable, memorable New Years e that I won't forget.

I spent New Years on the Swan River with a couple of my schoolmates, so just as good.

Where's an AFL store that I can Yeah.

West Coast, you were free supporters. He didn't help me, but I just need the jumper, and I clearly figured I just because I guess going up on Perth, you realize you think West Coast is or three are the two biggest things in Australia, Like you don't just think wa. So to go there and realize that there's no AFL store selling West Coast was was a bit of a shock to me. I don't know. I was like, sure, they can just walk into a you know, a sports store and buy one.

And yeah, for them, it was more better opportunity for us and you know, finding finding ways that you know, we can do better at school and you know, live a better life. I still feel the lifestyle on Fiji is a lot nicer, like it's pretty carefree and everyone's got so little, but they're so happy, which I still enjoy getting bits and pieces of that every now and then.

But yeah, I'm grateful we're here though, because I've been able to set myself up and set a lot of my family up as well with the things I've been able to achieve by going to a good school and getting a good education.

really understand it until a couple of years ago. My sister who was living in Fiji, she just moved back here with her children and realizing that they're not entitled to medicare or centering things like that to help subsidize certain things. Just how hard it probably would have been on my family back then. I sort of knew, like I knew, but I didn't really know, you know, to what extent that they were facing hardships at you know, especially feeding you know, growing little humans all the time.

It would have been pretty hard work. So I think I've got a pretty good grasp on what it would have been like for them back then.

you can do those sort of things. And I think the importance of actually understood the benefit of taking us back and you know, learning about culture, learning about family, And for her it was getting back to family as well. Like I think one thing that we miss here is

the community aspect and the family aspect of things. And like I said, my sister's probably been a big eye opener for me because back home, you can just leave your kids with whoever, or you can just run around the street because everyone's in a tight knit village, whereas here, you know, it's very rare that you catch up with your neighbors. Every single neighbor in your street. You might know one or two, but it's rare that you know

every single one and you're you're doing everything. You're just walking into their house and making yourself something to eat. If I did that, he could probably get arrested. So yeah, So that kind of lack of community or family, it's probably the biggest loss, yeah, and probably the biggest downside to coming here. But the side, I think the benefits have been able to achieve a heap more at school and we did workplace and go further, you know, makes up for it all.

why that became my home, a new home. And yeah, we recited there for you know, most of my childhood life. But we did move to and front places a lot going up. Like yeah, like I said, it's hard, especially if you don't have a documentation or you don't have things behind you to help you, you know, even to rent a house. Like people know how it is to rent a house now, but to rent a house it came from overseas is having their money things like that. It was. It was tough. We lived in so many

different hours a going up. I think I can of the other day I was, I reckon up until a year twelve, I probably lived in about fifty sixty houses. Wow really so yeah, I didn't really. We didn't own our first house until I started playing footy. So I remember sitting down with Trevor Nisbert and John Moresort at the time, and that was one of my goals was

to buy a house. And they figured out a plan and said, Nick, you want to buy a five hundred thousand dollar house, this is what you need to do, this, this and this says how much you can spend each week with my management as well, and then you can do it and that was a proudest thing of my life. I think, like to buy my first family house like it was. It wasn't the greatest house, but for me, it was like the taj Mahal was the biggest thing ever.

I thought it was amazing. So and it was ours, like you didn't have to worry about like rent, expect inspections. You have to worry about someone coming to check that your beds clean, things like that, or your bond. You're not getting your bond back because you scratch the walls. So that was something I lived with my whole childhood. So to have your own house, yeah, it was. But I'm still thankful for being able to go through some

of the hard times as well. I don't think it would have I would put me in a good situation when I got the footy if I hadn't had those things. So it made me work harder. It did teach me resilience. It taught me compassion for others. It still teaches me that as well. So I'm very understanding when guys aren't going through the you know, the best of times, or they're not going down the right past. There's always a reason.

But my biggest thing Punctuality is big with me as well, because I used to you know, my mum never had a license growing up single mother, so I'd always catch I used to have the me and my brother used to stick it tate in the hallway, all the bus routes for every bus in our area, and then the train times everything so we could get from like I'd have State training and Clermont and then come back and have training and bassading for Swan districts, and then get

the Midvale for my local training. I'll get the school and then get to the State Library to go and do my study. Because we didn't have a printer at home, so I'd know how to get back and forth and get it all on time to get home and have dinner and then get to school on time the next morning. So when I see young guys, my biggest thing was a young guy up late to training. They still eat to me, even though I shouldn't let it eat me.

But it's just one of those things that still do because I'm like you if you're you know, if you didn't wake up and you can still drive your car in time, like man, I was catching three trains my first two years at playing West Coast, Like, sure, it's not that hard to get right, but sometimes I have to pull myself back and go, you know what, everyone's different. Room excels or it doesn't do well in certain areas, so just let it be.

the club, and yeah, I was still sharing. I was sharing a house with one of my mum's friends, this elderly lady like she was she would have been seventy or so, and her family, And yeah I was sharing a bedroom, Like I shared a bedroom with my mom and my brother when I was year twelve doing my TEA exams and then getting drafted as an eighteen year old. So I am yeah, I look back now, I got

I've got a nice house and stuff like that. But sometimes I feel a bit guilty because I'm like, man, like this one little room like this could fit three of us in it.

for decoration. You just go and sit. You know how those old like Italian or slav families have like the couch with all the plastic over it. They had that little land room that it's there. It's nice, but no one touches, No one uses just a little showcasing. That's like my bed in my house and all Fie Jean's houses the beds like that, and so is the couches. You don't use it. You just go and sleep next to it on the floor. You sit on the front of the couch on the floor. You never sit on it,

so unless you have visitors. So yeah, Christmas time is hard because you know my friends will come over and that I'm like man like you guys acts act Australian for a bit, like using knife and fork because we eat with our hands like you know, like don't sit on the ground like sit on the table in the chairs like. But then after awhile, it's like you know what stuff people don't like it. You can't be please everyone, you know, but there are certain times we have to

check yourself and go. We're in Australia, live the old way.

So those kind of things still stick out of me, Like I like going to refugee camps and working with children from those sort of backgrounds, because yeah, I've been there, I've lived through, I've done what they've done. And you know, those guys that come through the AFL system of fled war, you know, guys like a Leer, a Leer and things

like that. So that's why those guys. I have a lot of time with those guys and some of the kids that come through my academy at the moment they come through those those pathways and I'm like, you know, you can still achieve even though you've been there or you've you've done things like it's you know, it's just something that you'll learn from and you know, obviously hopefully it inspires you to do better and you know, to inspire others as well. So that's probably been the toughest

place I live. But in saying that, I was pretty young. So when you're a kid, you're pretty oblivious to how hard it is. You know, you've got food, you've got a bed, like it's not that bad. Yeah.

having a asked for a hand. Mum never really asked for help too often, but would take it when she really needed it. But she'd do anything for us like us boys, like I think, yeah, I like you said, if she could. She was always willing to help others too. So my mum worked at a women's refuge with domestic violence, but also worked at a homeless shelter for most of her life, and she was always helping others. So Christmas time at my house was with three or four other families,

or she was at work with those families. So I've always been used to sharing, like I've always what's mine is, yeah, what's mine is yours kind of thing. But I didn't say I can't. I'll be lying if I said I didn't. You know, I didn't like it like I liked it. I hated it like I hated having to share my things.

I hate birthdays. I'm a birthday greench I'm a Christmas Grench. I hate all that stuff because I think, I think maybe because I have to share everything, Like you know, when your birthday you get this massive cake, but you think about it, like I used to sit there on birthdays and there used to be singing a song with your candle's happy birthday, and everyone just pauses because I don't know whose name to say Birthday're like like so

so so I reckon, it's not funny, don't laugh. So my my birthday is a murmur like, it's just a little mumble. That's why I reckon, I'm mumble because my birthday song every year has been a mumble like because everyone sings it and everyone gets to that point where they're just happy birthday, dear, because I don't know whose name to say Firth out of the three of us. So stuff birthdays. Please move on to the next question. I was making me angry thinking about it getting old.

was Cameron Manuel. He's the old man gave me my first pair of footyboots because I played my first season and a half in just in sneakers, and he gave me my first fair of fair of footy boots. And you know, I cherished those things like it was a you know, like they were a million dollar pair. So things like that, like they're little things, and I always think that, you know, he probably never realized the impact that actually had on me. But for me, I used

to think, Man, I've got a pair of footybooches. Now, now I'm gonna be CHRISTI out like I'm I'm a gun now like I was okay before, but now I'm

really good because I've got a pair of footybriochs. So things like that, like I think, I think, unknowingly, if you do more of those things, there's gonna be one person out there that it really impacts and it helps them, you know, pursue their career even more so it just just helps them out and it helps their family as well, Like it takes that burden off my mum having to

buy what a footybooks now two hundred bucks? I don't have parents afford it, but especially if you've got a number of kids, or you're working a number of jobs, like to justify buying a pair of footybooths and playing footy fees like I had, I had people in my area used to pay for myself, Like I had a pretty poor community where I grew up, and we had

this Italian guy, Frank Viccio, used to help pay. I don't know if I'm aloud to say this, but he'd pay our school fees, pay our footy fees, and you just find ways to pay them back over the time, because otherwise, I don't reckon I would go to school. I don't reckon I would have been playing footy if it wasn't for people like that, because you just can't afford certain things, Like there was no chance I was paying cricket because I couldn't afford gloves, pads, bats and

all that kind of stuff. There's some stealing them. There's no way that I was. There was no way that I was playing for that stuff. So cricket was the least thing I was interested in because I knew that stuff's prizy. Yeah.

He's take a couple of pairs and help some of my mates out who didn't who couldn't afford fifteen dollars socks because I didn't want these old wet cotton socks. And when it rained, like you know, like I played with guys like Alex Rants and that, and you know, rance he had money, wouldn't under saying they had money,

and he used to have all the gear. He had a pair of skins, things like that, and I was like, man, I want some of that, and if that's gonna make me a better player, I'll find a way to get some of that. So either work harder or I just borrow. So a few of us boys just borrowed and didn't return. But it was, yeah, I don't know, I really did it because I knew if I came home and I didn't and I was doing things like that, there's gonna be consequences. So I was. I was fearful, feul.

felt out of place for sure. Every day of the week, everywhere I went, Like, you know what, the funny thing is, I always I've got a joke with my friends. I'm like, man, I'm a token black guy because everywhere you go, Like I went swimming down South and duns were yelling up last week and I was in the swimming hole and I said to one of my mates, I was like, man, I'm the only black person here. So like when I took him to Fiji, I was like, man, you realize

you're the only white guy here. And he's like, yeah, I feel weird. I'm like, yeah, welcome to my life. Me every single day that's me. I feel like odd one out And yeah, I think I'm going off track here, but I think all the time I felt out of place. But yeah, I think it's such a multicultural society now that you know you walk into a classroom and there's such a mixture of children that kids don't really know the difference. But for me growing up, like, yeah, I

was dark, but I wasn't indigenous. I had a lot of Indigenous kids, but I wasn't one of them. But it did help because, yeah, those guys kind of took me under their wing a bit.

through the customs and the traditions at home. You'll practice it with the Fijian community here in Perth on a weekly basis. So if I didn't feel, you know, at place or in my right place at school, I knew when I went to these things in the weekend with my family that I would. It wasn't until I got to the footy field and I'm playing sport that you know, you start you know, being subjected to racism and things like that that you go, wow, do I really want to do this? Do I fit in? It's just for me?

Maybe they're right, And yeah, those are the only times I probably felt unhappy or unsafe with it all.

back to them. Like as much as people want you to walk away, I thought, you know, even back then, pretty scary when it's you know, fifty year old who's saying these things and you're only twelve years of age. But you find at a young age, you find the ways to bite back and you find ways to protect yourself, and I think that's helped me in good stead to my adult life as well. So I think speaking up

on it was helpful. They might not like being confronted, but yeah, it definitely played on me because I used to think, you know, there was no one else that out there looked like me. People would say, you know, are you playing the right sport? Are you lost? What are you doing? You should be inside the rec center playing basketball. That's more old people's type of sport. Things like that, and you go, what am I people? What's going on? So as a kid it really hurt Now

I look back and laugh at it. But as a kid, you know, you feel like your world's ending. So you know, when you fail a test at school or things like that, I'm like, man, this is nothing like there mean some real life problems out here. But yeah, it didn't didn't feel nice. But I don't know. I think the society has changed a bit over the years. Even looking at

you know, happy reacted to Australia Day yesterday. I think people have a more whether they agree with what's happening or not, they have more of an awareness, which is good, which I reckon as a child at school. When I was at school, that awareness was sort of there, but it wasn't really spoken about. It was just in the back burner a bit.

about was, you know, to take it on board. Obviously they've got something that they've got some sort of ignorance or they've got something wrong with them. So yeah, I never really bit back with racism. I just stood up for myself. Really, I think I have another colored kid around you probably helped as well, so they were always in my corner.

You're not. But man, i'd say, especially during the season, you know, especially if you push someone over, you do something to another person's team that they support, there's always someone with an anonymous account, sometimes not even anonymous on some people aren't scared at all. And I'll write some pretty racist stuff. When I was younger, when I was nineteen twenty, I used to screenshot a lot of that stuff and keep on to it. And I see a lot of guys now repost it and share it and

things like that. That used to be me, but now I just like, I hate giving them a voice. I'm like, man, if you're relevant, no one knows who you are, why should I give you a voice on my platform? Yeah, I'll call you out. I fight back. I used to write back to them and have a goal with them, but especially if I knew they've lived in Perth though, I'd find a way to meet them, Like I'd find a way to catch up.

you said. And yeah, it's gotten a few of my mates and a few of my family members, and my brother and my cousin's in trouble because they tend to stick up for me and fight back, which I don't. I like, but I don't like. I love the loyalty, but sometimes I hate getting other people in trouble for my things. I guess, so you know, Yeah, I don't know. Everyone deals it their own way, but yeah, I just

I don't know. Everyone's got a big big mouth. Everyone's got a lot more balls when they're on social media, and they would in real.

you know the way I do things. But when you start being in race or you bring family into it like that kind of stuff, especially what hurts me more than they do it to my teammates, especially my younger teammates, Like I got young teammates like Liam Ryan and they who copy it all the time. And he went through a phase where he was copping it every single week.

And if they haven't been given the tools or the resilience to get you know, to look past it, it'll be a bigger person and just you know, not let it affect them too much. I'd be okay, But when I see how much it hurts them and hurts their family, you know, like that, that really pisses me off. Like yeah, especially when they bring their children into it and things like that. That's just like I don't know, Sometimes you

just want to catch some of these. I was one on one and deal with them because you just because I just like you just you would never do it like you wouldn't do it anyone. So but everyone's why different. Someone's got a reason why they do it. They just need to be educated.

and do what everyone else does. Like it doesn't matter whether you earn a hundred million dollars a year or you're on TV or you you know, the biggest scientists in the world, whatever you do, you're still an everyday person, which I like, sometimes I get pissed off. I'm like, there's no way I'll be doing this back in Perst, so they wouldn't make me do this. And then I'm like, that's just my ego speaking there and pull myself back and you know, it's good. And that happened at home

every day. Like my twin brother didn't give a shit what I did. He'd wake up at four o'clock in the morning because he's a plumber and go to work and he'd bang his tool as loud as you can, and he'd be like, you know what, I come home from training, like, I complain on my back, so I had a hard session. He's like, oh, cry, I cry like he was. He's been clean and shit out of people's toilet since four thirty in the morning all day.

And that stuff would just you know, put things in a perspective and I go, you know what, Yeah, he had a harder day to me. I'dn't been playing. I was kicking the foot around like I had to lift an extra weights, the extra weight in the gym in the air co on, like it's not that hard. Yeah it's hard work, but yeah, it's all relative. It's all relative. So those guys are good just to you know, keep me grounded.

my hand, hold my hand. He's only in primary school, he's young, and you one, you two, I'm hold my hand, hold my hand, and he's like no, and I'm like, just hold my hand. We can't cross the road otherwise, and he wouldn't do it, and I had to think I got real upset. I got really angry. I was like, I actually swore it in the poor little kid. I was like, do you know how many of your little friends in your classroom would die to hold his hand? And then when I said I started laughing to myself.

I was like, man, who do you think you are? Oh? And he was looking at me. He like looked up at me. He was like, he's like, what do you mean? Why would I want to hold you? Why would my friends want to hold your hand? Yuck? Like? And I was like, oh shit, Like he doesn't get what I'm saying, like going on And I was like, don't worry, don't worry, just hold my hand. I grabbed him, dragg him across

the road. But they still get confused, Like I remember he came in the other day when I was at my sister's house and he was like, Mom, Mom, and I'm sitting on the couch watching cartoons with the other two. Yes, I love my cartoons. And he goes, oh, mom, the kids are asking me. Is a nick Nat here? And then he's like She's like what, He goes nick Nat And I was like, what are you talking about? You idiot? Like I am nick Nat, and he was, no, you're

they call me more MoMA means uncle Epheesians. They're like your MoMA. So they're like, they didn't know my name was nick Nat, like or people call me nick Nat. So they were thinking, why are these kids at the front asking for nick Nat? And why do they want to see you for? Like they still don't realize that they know I kick a ball around, but they probably don't know that it's pretty big over here. But I

like it though, because it keeps me um well. Like I said, I need those little things because you get a lot of people saying yes in your life all the time, so it's good to have people saying no, or who are you? Like a bunch of hours running in the house is young. I love it, but I hate it.

my life, sucked in. I was loving it. I was loving the whole hub life like it was like people, this is and that this will build mental toughness for you, This will build mental resilience for because people hated it. People hated not the human contact and things like that. And I'm like, oh, I wish she just walked the day in my shoes. Well, had a week in my life for a bit, and you see how much of my bedroom wars or how much of my backyard I

see because I don't go and do things. But I love my bubble as much as I say I you know it's different and it's it's hard. I enjoy not being contact with people. I love my own space.

So I wasn't really meant to because yeah, because we were in quarantine COVID sort of time, so we could drive around, were not meant to go on people's houses. So Harry just like we loaded up the car and Harry jumped out at everyone's houses. So we did fifty six houses or so all over person. So we went from Junle up Man my mapping schools. Like I said, I used to have the bus, arm table and my thing, so I know every single suburb about the back of

my hand. I could get to any suburban perth like that. I don't need no GPS. So I got from as far as Burns Beach kind of journal up the area which is far north Perth all the way to an hour away down towards like Coburn kind of you know, Gendercott area out there, and the coast. We did, the hills, we did, inter city, did apartments. Yeah, we did it all.

It was fun though it was actually it was actually good for my benefit too, because I was stuck locked indoors, so to be able to get out and drive around and see Perth and have a legitimate excuse for the police pulled me over. Yeah, it was a good thing, but I don't know, I think they appreciated it. Well. I hope.

like it was all in place, all in plan. Then that happened and it was just a massive shock to me. And yeah, I had to go back home to Fiji and do what we need to do. And oh it's different, like I think it was. It was, yeah, and something I never expected. But it was a big eye opener.

Like and like I said, everything puts things into perspective too, Like as big as or as much as footy seemed like it was the only thing I cared about in the world or the biggest thing I cared about in the world, I think family, you know, it takes over that, you know, especially when you're going through some such hardships. So yeah, it was a tough time. Yeah, that week and a bit, you know, just trying to book flights and get over there as soon as possible, telling my

brother when he got home things like that. Yeah, it was it was tough.

forty five or so out of from Subiaco. So in my head I was thinking, how am I going to drive all the way home with this on my chest? So I actually stopped in to see Trevorsbert. I walked in there crying, and I've walked into his office and told him and Anna who he's pa. And yeah, I can't really remember. It's pretty much a blur, but I think maybe he drove me home. I didn't drive home. He did, or one of the other staff did. And went home and sat there, and man, I think something

just takes over. You go from you know, you're really upset and grieving, but then you also, you know, being the oldest out of my twins like I've always been, I guess the one in charge of the one that takes control, you know, with my whole family too, especially with playing food, you learn a lot of skills that some of your family members probably aren't equipped with or aren't taught, you know, just from their lifestyle. And I've

always been switched on with things like that. And for me, it just went in the logistical mode, how are we getting there, what's going on? What do we need to do? And you go on a full just turbo mode where you're just going and getting stuff done. And our culture is different, like morning a loss does happen, but you still have to get things done like our culture, Like I don't know how to explain it, Like we go to the morgue. I have to dress mum, makeup mum,

you do all these things. You've got to carry your parent into a coffin. You got to pick out the coffin yourself. Like there's no what you got. There's no funeral home. There's no like leanno' day or bad whatever they call them over here, Perslo funeral homes those type of things. So I know all the funeral homes over here, but back in Fiji, there's none of that. So you have to go and you've got to size up. You know what size coffin you need? What you know things

like that that you're measuring up things. So you're you're grieving, but at the same time you're getting stuff done. So I just remember my brother. We cried through the whole thing like it was. It was tearful, it was hard to do. But we can't look at each other and we're like, you know, we got to get this done. No one else is going to do it for us. Yeah, we've got family doing other aspects of the funeral here, but we want to make sure we do it right.

So I left someone else. I left my I think my sister and that in charge of letting everyone else know what had happened and what's going on when the funeral details are but trying to book the funeral when it's going to happen. You know, hearses, you know in our village where people bring meat and stuff, so someone

goes and get the cow or pigs. I remember going to a butcher, not even a butcher, it was like a chicken farm to go and get like three hundred chickens, like because you know, the whole village comes out like not like you just have fifty b would come to the funeral. We have villages like met like there would have been a thousand people. So at the funeral, so you've got to cater for all that kind of stuff.

But yeah, picking clothes, like like I said, just doing the things that a funeral home normally does for you. We've had to do it, but it wasn't a shock to me because I've done it plenty of times with family members over the years or friends and things like that. So it's just a part of our culture, you know, picking out tombstones things like that, and burial spots and having to dig the whole things like that. So it did.

It was it was a normal thing. But at the same time, it was probably harder when you know it's someone so close to you, you know, when it's your mother, those things are just a little bit harder than what they normally are. So man, people talk about resilience, that I was the most resilient I ever had to be, because I you know, I was grieving, I was mourning, but I just had to get it done at the

same time. So yeah, And then in the way, in the back of that, it was after the funeral was done, I think it all hit me and I was pretty upset and I didn't want to come home. And then it wasn't until my uncle's just told me, like, don't waste your time here. You need to get back to Perth, like he got footy to play. I had lost track of the fixture. I didn't know where we were at. And it was just before a week or so before

finals and we're going alright. And I came back and played a couple of finals because I did convince me to come home. I didn't want to come home. And then we made the Grand Final that year. But that was a blur. That was all a blur, Like I think it's pretty selfish with me. I said it many times. It was the Grand Finals, a time where as a child that's your boyhood, dreamed to make it to a grand father, that Grand Final parades meant to be the

biggest thing, you know, before playing the actual game. And for me, I didn't want to be there. I remember I stepped in my I did the Grand Final parade. It was a bit of a blur. But then my brother came to my hotel room. I didn't have any family, like, I had no family over, so it was just my brother came across. There's just the two of us and we sat in my hotel room and talk. We cried. We didn't sleep, like I probably had two hours, maybe an hour and a half, two hours sleep before the

Grand Final. And I feel I sometimes get angry when you talk about mental demons and things like that. I still feel a bit selfish for that, because I'm like, man, I didn't have the ideal preparation. But then again, who's to know that someone else wasn't anxious in their room about the game and didn't sleep well at all? So yeah, I didn't have the greatest preparation. And it probably wasn't until we lost that Grand Final to Hawthorne, and probably

wasn't too asked that that I realized. You know, I just felt this wave of emotion come upon me and I sat in the change in his crying. I think, you know, losing I lost a cousin earlier in that year, you know, we had to bury him here in Perth, and then having to bury my mum and then lost the loss of a grand fine Weber. Sitting there, I think that just you know, all come upon me at one time, and yeah, that was probably the saddest time

I'd ever been in my life. And I had to find a new way to live, you know, find a new reason to do things, like a new why. I think the biggest thing in my life was why I did things was to impress my mum or to help her live a better life stay because he sacrificed so much for us, as when will children. So my biggest goal, on my biggest drive was to you know, to give

her and the rest of my family better life. So that court sort of went out the window and you had to find new reasons and new avenues to you know, to keep myself motivated to do certain things, because sometimes I wake up whether it was worth playing footy anymore, whether it was whether it was worth doing what I do, like, you know, what's what's what's the point of doing it if if I haven't my mum there? But I had to remember I still got siblings out there, and you

know they've got kids as well. So I guess now nowadays it's just you know, reverted to doing it for them.

get any easier. You just find coping mechanisms to get through the days.

to make someone else's day shit. So I'll just deal with it, like I've learned to deal with stuff in the past. Like I don't know. Everyone says you should go and talk and do things and that. But I'm not a big one for that. I'm more just you know, yeah you're sad, but you still got two feet and the heartbeat you live and like, oh, well, get over it, move forward. Yeah. I know it's a bad mentality. I go out there preaching, you know, open up, don't bottle

things up. But yeah, I'm a bit different. More differently.

able to do the job I do every day. And I think walking into that house every day, this just reminds me and go, you know what, this is what I'm doing it for. This is what I did it for, and this is who I'm you know, who I am and who I was always have been trying to make proud. So yeah, there's no hiding. As soon as you open the front door, straight there and you kind of you got your head down because you're embarrassed or you're looking at the pictures straight in the eye. So yeah, I enjoyed.

I enjoy having it right there.

for me. Like I've always put things into perspective and know that there is a worst life out there, and I think that's why I traveled to certain places like like I said, I lived in some dodgy areas. I've done some things where I've been able to see people living a pretty hard life, and I revert back to seeing that, you know, my village last style and people got nothing, people struggling that, but they still find a way to get through. And oh well, and there's no

one to blame for my knees. And like someone's come and run me over in a car crash or anything like that, Like I've jumped up and not been able to land. Probably his my own fault, so I can't blame anyone, like I didn't do no one else did my need to me. But you yeah, well I'd got to learn a land better, so I yeah, it's not the worst thing. Like people will talk about how hard

it is and what not. Yeah, it is hard, and there is a long journey back, but it's just the patience of the whole thing, Like it's a year long injury. The patience and finding things to keep your brain occupied was probably the hardest part. But like I said, I wasn't dead. I'm still living, so still living and breathing. Like you can't cry about it, Like, well you can cry about it, but don't cry for nothing. Cry and

get something out of it's my biggest thing. Like it was tough, but it's just a knee, Like, oh, well, get over it.

I'll never forget this. I feel weird sharing this, but my uncle had just moved back from the Netherlands to Perth and he's got a Dutch wife and she's the make fresh bread all the time. And him and his wife would come around and they used to bring me food like bread every couple of days or things like that, and they gave him a spare key, or they took the spare key from the front. Didn't life anyway, I

had this. I had a process, like my bathroom downstairs is about thirty meters away, and I had a process where I'd leave my clothes next to them where I slept in the lund room because I couldn't get upstairs, and then I'd crawl all the way to the shower. It's a lot. It was like a two hour process. Have a shower laying down. I've got one of those showers we can take the head off it and wash yourself.

And then I'd have to crawl back, like in the nude, across back the kitchen floor, all the way back to the laundry to get changed. And it took so long. And I remember just this is where I felt that the lowers the lows. I just hit this Dutch voice at the door going hello, Nick, I watch your bread,

and like, I don't even know that's actually talks. But so my uncle and his wife were out the front door, and all I could hear was the key like opening, and I'm laying there naked, half crawling across the floor trying to get back, and I'm like, no, not come in here. I've never felt like the biggest piece of shit in my life. I was like, I didn't want to see them. I didn't want them seeing me at my at my worst, and yeah, you know, like have you seen everybody loves Raymond? You know how? You know

how the guys kind of is it. Frank and Marina, the dad and the mom had to come over and they like, he has to dive across and turn the music off and get to the front door. And then at the end they just put their hands through into that. That's pretty much what happened. They opened the door and let's just so it was a pretty sight.

around my age group who missed out as well. So Eric McKenzie was one, he'd been there for ten plus years. Andrew Gaff was the same, and Brad Shepard. There's a lot of other guys, but those key guys in particular had been around for, you know, the majority of my footy career. So to have other guys around you going through the same thing, you could almost lean on each other and be upset. But yeah, it was tough. It

was tough to watch. I remember I was happy when the boys won it, like I was really really happy, but had a little cry, had a little cry and the change ms of my own in the corner. I

remember one of our physios. She probably doesn't know this, but she came across and I was putting my suit on and I was putting my jacket on, and I was crying facing the wall, and we all had given this big bottle of champagne, and she came in to ask me if I needed anything, and I was crying so much, but I didn't want her to see me crying because I hate people seeing me weak, so it's

not weak to crist just to everyone knows. I don't like people seeing me cry sometimes, so I like, I like shook the bottle of champagne and try to scull it, so then it like frosted my mouth and my nose and made my eyes tearing, and I was like, oh, sorry, so I just drank champagne because she thought my eyes are watering because of the champagne. But really I was crying because I didn't win the game final. But I

moved on. I learned, like I find myself going to and from So after the Grand Fire and the boys were on stage, I went out there with Brad Shepherd and sat in the oval. It was it was pitch black. No one else was out there. They were all getting on stage getting presented. I don't know what they were doing. They'd already get their trophies and their medals and whatnot. And I just felt like jumping on one of those fireworks and just been like, you know what, blow me up.

I don't care. I'm done with this dumb footy. Like it was a tough time, but I don't know perspective. I think that's the biggest thing, Like, yeah, I didn't win it, but well you hurt yourself so too bad. Like, yes, it is the biggest thing, but sometimes it's not the biggest thing. And I think it also helps drive me to get better and you know, want to win one. So everyone else's got different answers on that part of things, But for me, I don't know. Yeah I lost, but

did I die? I know. Look, me and little Shad I used to always say that to each other, but did you die? And I think that's as stupid as that sounds. That's kept me mentally saying and got me through some of those tough times because no, I didn't die. Yes I lost, but everyone loses in life. Just don't keep losing. Yeah, it was tough, and the boys joke about it all the time. I used to get jealous.

I get jealous of everyone's a little well. I got my mate to come and tatoo all the boys at my house, all the little premiership tatoos on their angles and whatnot. That was hard to watch, but same time I was happy for him. They did all the hard work. I'd probably a little bit grumpy with some of the young boys at one one because I was like, you guys have been here like one year or something, and

you've already got a premiership. But you know, there's some great players who've gone through in the past and never won one, and they've been there for fifteen or so years. So sometimes you get lucky. Sometimes you make your own luck. But yeah, I did my a cl No one did it to me. Does it drive you, Yeah, definitely, Yeah, it drives me every single day I got to training. Yeah, otherwise I reckon I would have given it up by now. Yeah, yep.

I was comfortable with. Win in the BNF was a good way to I guess, top off the year, and you know, it was a good little accolade to have, you know when I will be to look back on at the end of my career. But I don't know. I don't really get too fussy about those sort of things, like if I want to, yes, it's great to have as a good honor, But at the same time, if I lost it or someone else wanted, I'd be just

as happy for them. So I was just happy to be paying footy, like I think I found myself at times winging about, you know, being in a harbor and doing things. But then you look back and go, you know what, we're the only ones traveling at the moment. We're in the Gold Coast. Everyone else is stuck in w A. We're staying in a fancy golf resort. We get to go to the beach like we're in the

Gold Coast. Like it's we're getting fed. Get we still have a job, Like we still we're still getting paid them up be only half the pay, but we're still getting paid something. And we're kicking the ball around. Like yeah, it is tough in certain aspects, but not the worst thing. Like we're still living our living our lives over here,

so and people were dying around the world. I think that's probably what, you know, probably capped off my ear and made me really knuckle down and go, you know what, concentrate your footy because you're one of the lucky few still get to do their job. So I think that helped me play some consistent footy and my body felt good, My body felt right, And yeah, it's probably a testament to medical team because they managed me and looked after me really well throughout the year. But still chasing that

elusive Grand Final win. So yes, it was nice to get the best and fairest, but I'd rather the other metal around my neck. Yeah, hopefully one day, hopefully this year. What would it mean, I mean the world to me. Top It'd a cap off everything. I think it'd make all the you know I think about the keep reverting

back to these bus schedules and bus time tables. But it'll make all those trips late at night, the training, all those extra things I've had to do, all those times I've had to argue with my mum for footy fees or the reasoning why football is going to pay off when I'm an older person, which was the hardest thing of it. I always hear Basha Hoully talk about with having a sneak out to play footy because his

parents never agree with it. I was in the same boat, like my mom was like I bring you to this country and you want to and you want to play this stupid game, Like go and get a real job, be a doctor, do something like that. But then you slowly realize how good footy is and you know, networking and bringing good things so not only yourself but to your family as well. And I think all those hardships and all those tough times, having a Premiership medal will make it all worthwhile.

rockman like you. And then I see the multicultural kids come through and you know, and they've you know, drawn from my story what they can and made their own pathway. So that's always inspiring. And I think the biggest thing I know, it's got me in trouble, it's gotten people in trouble over the years. But book week, like, when I see kids dress up like me in the right manner, it's always a humbling experience.