¶ Welcome to One Good Thing Media
Welcome to One Good Thing Media , your official podcast review channel . We search the vast digital landscape on a daily basis to discover the best shows that podcasters have to offer . Are you ready to discover new favorites to add to your playbook ? Stay tuned and listen to host Gerald Spears' latest podcast reviews .
¶ Introduction to Donna Hall
Hi , loves and welcome to Season 3 , Episode 15 of our One Good Thing Media Podcast . This is Gerald Spear , and I am the host and creator of our show .
Today we'll be speaking with Donna Hall , a very special guest whom you may know from her podcast , the Hall Closet , a true crime tale about her childhood and her ultimate triumph over neglect , abuse and her mother , who had great propensities for crime , family disloyalty and dangerous men .
Donna shares her story of childhood suffering and leading an uplifting life as an adult that was born from that pain . The Hall Closet literally describes the one place she could safely hide from her older brother who physically harmed her , presumably to assuage his own pain inflicted by the family adults in their life .
Mixed into this twisted tale is Donna's quest to find her bio-dad , an anonymous sperm donor who passed on his genes through artificial insemination , and the untold number of half-siblings that she now calls dibblings .
I am going to play two short clips from the Hall Closet podcast , followed by a moving interview with Donna Hall , where she lays bare what she experienced as a child and the life she's created for herself today . So please get comfy and be prepared to feel horrified and ultimately elated as Donna's story unfolds .
¶ Hall Closet Podcast Clips
I'm Donna Hall and this is the Hall Closet , as you're about to hear . This is a story about growing up in a family that no one should have to grow up in . The Hall Closet in my story isn't filled with skeletons . My family put all its skeletons outside the closet where everyone could see them .
In my story , the Hall Closet is a refuge , a place of safety . If I had to sum up my whole life's journey in a sentence , I'd say it's been a search for safety . You see , I grew up in a crime family , not a mobster type crime family .
No , we were a few tears down from the Corleones , but we definitely lived and operated outside of normal family behaviors and the law , sometimes way outside the law . Growing up in a lower tier crime family , the last thing one ever feels is safe . That's why , when I was 15 , I told my guidance counselor at school that I was addicted to cocaine .
Just to be clear , I wasn't addicted to cocaine , not even remotely . Considering my environment , it wasn't unimaginable , which should tell you something . They removed me immediately from my family's house in Levittown and put me into rehab , exactly as I'd hoped they would . It may have been a facility with hospital beds , strange smells and terrible food .
But I'll tell you one thing it was safe and safety that won everything hands down . From that point forward , I never lived at home with my family ever again . When I was 17 , I went from living in a group home to living on my own , with the help of a local agency .
I went to school , I worked several jobs and I cherish the feeling that I had escaped my family . But nothing's ever been that easy with the Halls , and this wasn't either . My mom went to prison for child endangerment because my brother , herb , ratted her out .
Herbie ratted her out because he didn't like John Hall , the love of my mom's life , the man Herb introduced to my mom from prison . Herb introduced to my mom from prison . A lot of disruptive men came and went in my mom's life Frank Miguel , dr Bess even but none of those men none of them impacted my family the way John Hall did .
In a way , my mom , john Hall and Herb became a bizarre three-way . In prison , john and Herb were buddies , but outside prison , especially after John moved into our house , their friendship hit a wall , or maybe got revealed for what it was John and Herbie became competitors for my mom's attention .
And that couldn't possibly
¶ Interview with Donna Begins
end well for anybody . Today I'm in our virtual studio with Donna Hall , creator and host of the Hall Closet Podcast .
Hi Donna . Hello , Our pre-talk was amazing , so I can just imagine everything that's , I think , bring to light things that , honestly , not many other interviewers have been able to pull from our conversations .
Well , thank you . Let's not keep our audience in suspense . We have a lot to talk about . First , please tell our audience a little bit about the Hall Closet and what motivated you to get involved in podcasting . As we both know , it is no small undertaking .
So I decided to do this podcast because I had quite a few people in my life suggest that I either write a book or maybe write into Netflix or Hulu for the possibility of sharing what it was like growing up in my family and the craziness that I experienced .
You know I had met Alan Katz , who's my executive producer as well on the podcast , and we decided to go the route of producing a podcast . Originally , actually , what really made me think about doing the podcast was my newly found bio brother .
You've discovered you have siblings . That's amazing .
Yeah , I know it's beyond amazing that I have found all these wonderful , wonderful siblings that are such an integral part of my life and who bring such value to me as a person and a human who I always felt like I didn't belong . So it's been pretty amazing belonging finally , but yeah , so one of my new dibblings had suggested also that I do a podcast .
What is a dibbling ?
So a dibbling is what I coined , or one of us . I'm not even sure if it was me or one of these , one of my newly found siblings it's a donor sibling , so we coined the term dibbling .
I like it .
We even have shirts that say dibbling on the back , which is kind of fun . So he's a prominent attorney and someone I look up to , and he , you know , suggested the idea of podcasting , as he listens to podcasts on a regular basis and , from there moving forward , I'm doing something that I wouldn't have dreamt of doing five years ago .
To be honest with you , it's pretty amazing .
Your podcast is gripping . I don't know how else to explain it . Can you give us an overview of what you share in the eight episodes that you've created so far ?
Thank you , by the way . I appreciate that . So I basically talk about what it's like to grow up in what my producer and I coined as a lower tier crime family , and what that means basically is that my family really lived outside of the law . They weren't all convicted of these crimes .
Quite a few of them were , and my stepfather , more notably , was known as being probably the most prolific jailhouse snitch in the country . So I talk a little bit about what it was like growing up in my home , and then I get into some of the ways that my stepfather and mother basically put people away for crimes that they didn't commit .
How important do you believe it is to know and always remember where you came from ?
I feel like my childhood , specifically , has definitely molded me into the empath that I am today .
So I feel like this is a twofold question for me , so one I feel like you know I never would wish this life on anyone , but I feel like what I've gained and the love that I give to any and everyone around me , I may not have acquired had I had a different life .
I think I see the world with a different lens and it gives me the ability to help people who others may not want to help , and it's not only homeless people or drug addicts , it's also people with disabilities . I just see them in a different way , and I think I do that because of the life that I grew up . I just knew what it was like to hurt .
So I think that it has molded me into this person that I am today . But I also think that there's a huge component to my childhood that was missing and I found . So where I came from while I grew up in this horrible life my genes and I know that we'll talk about that because we had said that we would .
But my genes , my birth father , my biological father I should say not birth father I think that that has really made an equal impact maybe if not even more impact on who I am as a human being .
So , while I did suffer a lot of trauma , I took that trauma and used it , instead of feeling like woe is me and playing the victim , which I sometimes , admittedly , still do . I mean , I think we all have the ability to do that . I sometimes do , like you know , I wish if I only had this , if I only had that .
But I think primarily and for the majority of my life , I didn't use my childhood as an excuse for poor behavior .
Just listening to your podcast made me realize that you never , ever had a long-term protective adult in your life to keep you safe .
That's accurate and sad , that's so sad . I think about the kids today , even , and I think , when they're playing their victim or they're , you know , having these , you know , emotional breakdowns , I think , god , you have no idea what it's like not to be loved . Anyway , that's a whole , nother episode .
Well , you were badly neglected . And your mother ? She would often betray her children as well as strangers . I think about your brother in prison and the story about that . It's just like shocking .
And scary , Really . Even to some degree I'm even still fearful , even a little bit fearful . Now that I've shared all of this about her and I know she's listened and I know she's not happy , there's a piece of me that wonders is she going to come after me ? I mean , there really is . I know it's minimal because she's an older woman now
¶ Finding Biological Family
, but I don't blame you . It's crazy . I mean , my brother spent almost two years in prison for a crime he didn't commit , and my mom was a huge piece of how my stepfather was able to do the same for many other people . He wouldn't have been able to do that without my mom's help you mentioned your biological father .
He was a sperm donor . Have you ever met ?
him Also know who his what we call intentional daughters . So I know his intentional daughters , and by intentional I mean he and his wife had two children and raised them . So I know a lot about him . Sadly , I haven't met him and I don't think I probably ever will .
Have any of your dibblings met him .
Nope , none of them of your dibblings met him . Nope , none of them . We've reached out to him through a , I think , a great niece of his , and he did give us medical background and let everyone know that he had no desire to know anything about us .
Damn rejection again .
Well , and for me it was rejection a second time , because I don't know if I talked in my podcast , but I found who I thought was my father in my 20s and I found him through his brother , who this is the man that I thought was my father and he didn't want anything to do with me and that was pretty devastating at the time .
So , yeah , I would say , of all my siblings , all my dibblings excuse me , I am probably affected the most by that quote , unquote rejection or his difficulty with wanting to meet us . It actually hurts me a lot . I'm going to be honest . It does .
Just from your background and what you've been through , I can understand how you feel .
Well , I think sorry , I'm trying to get it together that got me a little more emotional than I realized I think that had he known what I was experiencing , I don't think he would have allowed it , and I think it would hurt him to know from the man that I've come to know that he is through his daughters and his extended family that have shared stuff with us
and the research that we've all done , because , trust me , we were all on it , we all are very resourceful and it didn't take long for us to find him . But , yeah , I think that it would hurt him if he knew . So I don't want to hurt him either .
If you could hang out with him for just a day , how do you imagine being with him ? What would you do together ?
Getting myself together again . So it's an interesting question , because one that no one's ever asked me . God , I would want to really just talk to him .
When I met one of my siblings who resembles him a lot , is older than me by maybe several years , I don't know , maybe five or six years , and he resembles my biological father , I had a very visceral reaction . I actually began to shake and it was uncontrollable .
It was one of those like very uncontrollable moments where my whole body was shaking and I began to cry .
Were you chastising yourself silently .
I still chastise myself for it , because I'm Jen , I'm generally very well put together and but it , how ? But it just goes to show how like these connections are so very real and so very strong .
So I , if I were to meet him , I him , I really wouldn't want to talk about my childhood , I would really just want to talk about who he is and share the amazing things in my life .
Beside your dibblings are you in contact with your bio dad's children .
Oh , yes , yeah .
I would love to hear about that .
So my father's children , the two girls I'm very close with one of them and the other one has quite a loyalty to her father so she doesn't feel comfortable having a relationship with us .
However , we have communicated the daughter that I do and have become close with I would say I communicate pretty regularly with and our children both go to the same college , so that's been really fun .
My daughter is a senior and her son is a freshman , so my daughter has been able to be like a source of guidance and kind of protection over her newly found cousin . It's brought my sister and I a little closer because we kind of have that similarity and we have that connection to our children .
You have two children , correct ? Yes , our children . You have two children , correct ? Yes ? And you came into motherhood without any background or knowledge about anything other than what you wished it had been . How did
¶ Motherhood and Healing
you pull that off ? You sound like a great mother .
I try to be a good mother . I've definitely made lots of mistakes . One thing that was super important to me with my children is that I love them no matter what , and I don't only have that philosophy with my children , I really have it with all of the children that I've helped over the years .
There's , I always constant saying , especially during the late teenage years , when things got a little crazy with both of my children and even into college and especially into college , I guess , I would say with my daughter I said , no matter , I will love you , no matter what .
So there's not a single thing in the world that you could do to ever get me to stop loving you .
Right from your soul , you have unconditional love which you never had .
Yes , and that unconditional love . Sometimes I feel like I need to give to myself and I don't , but I am working on that . I am working on that and this is all through podcasting that I'm realizing that I need to really give myself what I'm searching for .
Has telling the truth set you free or has it kept you in like a perpetual emotional captivity ?
Telling the truth and sharing my story has set me beyond free . When I first was releasing my podcast , I was so scared I was initially not even going to share it with anyone that I knew , because I didn't want to be so vulnerable .
And the opposite happened I ended up sharing it with everyone that I knew and I connected them on my Facebook and I shared with anyone and everyone . Literally , I'm at the pharmacy giving my podcast . You know , okay , I have a podcast and that's what it's done for me .
It has given me something that I could never get anywhere else , which is the freedom to be able to be who I am , the freedom to be able to speak the truth .
Yes , Sunshine is sanitizing , yeah .
And it has been and I share . It's funny , some people who I'm close with can't get past the first episode because when they hear some of the things that happened to me , they're like I just can't .
It hurts me too much to know that you went through that and I'm like keep listening , keep listening , because there is positive , amazing things that have happened to me . Amazing things that have happened to me . Those little snippets of my life are so small in comparison to what it's given me and the ability that I now have to be able to help other people .
That is really what I've gained from this podcast .
And if you think about people who I'll even I was going to say if you think about like 12 step programs I know that a lot of them they say that when you help other people , you're actually helping yourself and it's like a requirement , right , and I'm not in a self 12 step program , but I'm very familiar with it Because , again , I tend to see people with a
different lens and love people who are addicted . I've loved people who are addicted , sadly , but I will say that even when I was in school and I had difficulty maybe studying for a test , what I found is that when I studied with someone else and I was teaching them , even though I didn't really know . Teaching is learning , yeah , yeah .
So I feel like it's the same as this podcast , like I am sharing some vulnerable , really difficult things that a lot of people don't even want to think or remember right , and it's giving other people the courage to open up , to share . I've had so many women and men contact me and say thank you , because I feel like I'm sharing my childhood .
I feel like when I'm listening to you , I'm actually healing , which is like amazing . I've given some people some suggestions on how to find a psychologist so they can start going to therapy and , you know , it's just been super healing almost cleansing , I would say .
You mentioned in your podcast about a neighbor who showed you what it was like to truly be nurtured . I love this story .
Yeah , so she saw that I was dirty and I had a rat's nest in my . I used to call it the rat's nest and no one cared to brush my hair .
You were a very young child at this point .
Yes , at this point . Yes , I was in , maybe first grade , maybe second . Yeah , this woman took me in and she saw me walking to school and she went to the school secretary and said I'm taking Donna to my house and I'm going to give her a shower and brush her hair and I'll bring her back . She fed you to your breakfast correct .
Yep , she's an amazing human being and , yeah , and I was really thankful for what she did , because I think that that act of kindness showed me this is what it feels like to have a mom .
I think it's really cool that you were able to let her know what it meant to you as a child .
Again , very cleansing . I always ask all my people that are close to me what's your favorite episode ? And I would say that of all the episodes , that is my most favorite part of all eight .
Finding her , yes , and I'm glad we got it out of the way in the beginning because I think it showed that this isn't me just playing the victim , sharing these boohoo stories about my life . It's .
It's about the beauty behind it and what it taught me and how acting you know being kind to someone else , and how much that can impact them for the rest of their life . It's amazing , yeah .
With everything that you've been through , what is your most personal milestone to date ?
So , aside
¶ Personal Milestones and Future Plans
from my two most amazing children because let me tell you they are the joy of my life I am beyond proud of who they are as humans and what they're accomplishing . But aside from that , honestly , it is this podcast and I think I have been on my own since I was 15 . I never went to college and that's difficult for me .
I would say one of my biggest regrets in life is not taking the time to go to college and get some sort of degree . But at the end of the day , I'm realizing that I could be successful at something that is meaningful . It's making the world or whoever listens and wants to listen , it kind of makes it .
You know , I'm helping people and that's really ultimately what gives me the most joy and it's pretty compelling and amazing . And you know , when I'm listening I'm like wow , I sound that good . I love that . I think one of the most difficult things for me my whole life is that I just never felt good enough .
I mean I've done a lot of difficult things , don't get me wrong , but I mean I've been able to support myself and my family and I'm always able to make money . I'm a hustler , so I don't stop working .
I know our listeners are going to want to know about this and honestly , so do I . What still triggers you and where do you go to feel safe ?
That's a heavy question , I'm going to say at 49 years old . Yes , I still at times feel the need to retreat and I go to the beach to refresh and regroup . But when I'm in that moment of where I feel my nervous system being activated , or some people say triggered , it puts me in bed and I sleep and I cry . I'm a big crier . What triggers ?
you so badly that you have to go to bed .
So I think that what triggers me is knowing that I've let my kids down at times , and the other , you know , trigger I get activated when , with my family my brother , my mom , even my siblings I think that I definitely one sentence from them could really level me .
I don't know . I don't know if I would really pursue a close relationship with your mother or your brother . It'd be very difficult , especially your mother .
I knew when I left at 15 that I would never have a relationship with her . And she never met my kids until they were adults .
Well , she met my son one time , at my niece's birthday party , but other than that they never knew who she was until they were adults and could make their own decision to want to see them and sadly , they don't want anything to do with her Nothing .
Well , I don't think that would be such a great influence .
I feel sad for them that they don't have grandparents , who you know there's special relationships that their friends have with their grandparents . You know that's the place you go and you get spoiled and you get your gifts and they take you on trips .
And my kids don't have that and I do feel like they haven't had a constant other than us as far as extended family . Now my one sister is very close with them and they have a very good relationship with her , but I feel like they kind of lost out on something special .
Well , I never had that . My son has never had that . By the time my son was born , my mother was the only one living out of my entire immediate family and she had dementia and I had to take care of her . She was not institutional material , she was in trouble all the time . I finally had to take her home .
So I had a four-year-old son and a mother with dementia and I was working at home . So I'm not saying this for sure , but you could be counting your blessings . Which leads me to my last question what's next girl ?
to my last question what's next girl ? Oh , what's next ? Well , I'm going to be releasing a season two . I'm in , I have a meeting this evening with my producer and a possible co-host for what's in season two , and we're still working out the details of it . Yeah , so I'm super excited .
I think , regardless of what the topic is going to be , it's always going to be the same underlying genre of trying to make the world a better place . So that's where I'm headed . I don't have any details to share , other than that it's been wonderful talking to you . Oh , it has . This has been great , Cheryl .
I encourage everyone to check out Donna Hall's
¶ Episode Closing and Credits
podcast , the Hall Closet . If you think your life has been tough , listen to hers . It may give you a whole new perspective on your childhood . And if you just want affirmation that you're one of the luckiest people in the world , listening to the Hall Closet is worth every minute of your time . And that's a wrap .
I am wishing all of you a beautiful week and a wonderful summer . We'll be back next week with a brand new episode . Until then please make sure that you're following our podcast and have given us a five-star rating . You know we love you . This is Gerald Spear signing off for One Good Thing Media .
One Good Thing Media is brought to you by our host and creator , Gerald Spear . All things technical are by David Dodd and our announcer is Robert Spear . Our theme song is Force by HGST . Thank , you .