Raising Our Glasses

On Theme is a production of iHeartRadio and fair Weather Friends Media.

I'd like to propose a toast. I mean, do you even know how, now that I think about it, No, I've never have. I know there have to be a bunch of examples, like it can't be rocket science. You're right. Let's turn toward our four toasters for some guidance. I'm Eves, I'm Katie, and in today's episode Raising our Glasses, we're giving you the ingredients to a perfect toast.

With the help of our favorite fictional toasters.

Of course, have you ever seen a terrible toast?

I guess it depends on what you mean by terrible, because I've seen toasts that are highly underwhelming, like it's clear that the person wanted to say something, maybe because they felt like they were obligated to say something. Okay, and they weren't a speaker, because not everybody's a speaker. That's true, you know what I'm saying.

It's not self aware and everyone no, they're not a speaker.

Yes, yes, And and different toasts for different occasions call for different things as well. So I've seen toasts that are underwhelming, inappropriate maybe a little bit maybe and toasts that maybe are like too long for the moment. Okay, but I don't think I've ever seen a toast that was terrible, because terrible to me would be like somebody throwing.

Tomatoes after Okay, well, I mean I feel like most people haven't seen it. If those are the the criteria for terrible, I've seen lazy ones, like not bad enough to be super memorial. I remember that I didn't like them, but you could tell that the person just like didn't put that much thought into it, you know.

But you've never seen anybody like try to burn the place down that they're in because something offensive was said in a toast. No.

I feel like, especially with black people, when you get together, you know, like at a wedding, at a birthday party where people are toasting, like you spend a little money and no one's trying to ruin that. Yeah, because there's not that many cases where we're going to be spending a little money.

Well, also with black people, we are forever trying to keep it cute and cordial.

Keep it cute, just we talk about it in the car.

But when something needs to be said in the moment in the space, nah, probably not gonna happen.

So I haven't seen a terrible one in that regard.

Either, right, I imagine there's like toast making one on one that could get people really.

Far exactly Like, you ain't got to be a toast master overnight, but you're not going to be sounding goofy either.

So what makes a good toast? Is there a formula for it?

You know, there's definitely not hard and fast rules. I'd say more like guidelines. A well delivered toast has the power to bring nostalgia, laughter, even tears of joy, and most well received toasts do have a few things in common.

So would you say that toasts in real life are really different than toasts in movies and TV shows.

Like as far as what makes them good?

Yeah, Like there are certain things that don't make sense in the real world that sound or look really cool on the screen.

True, But that's the thing about toasts, their performance, whether you're a real wedding or a sound stage wedding. So there's not a huge difference in fictional and nonfictional ones. So if you got to make a toast, you could high key learn a lot from fake ones.

Okay, I'm ready to pull out my notebook let's hear it.

Okay, this first one sets the stage for the toast. If this doesn't apply to you at the wedding, at the graduation, at the birthday party, and you're thinking about making a toast, I mean he needs you to log off for me, Okay, And what is that? It's a personal connection, like if you are a plus one and don't really know the folks like that, No needs to make a toast.

Yeah, not really knowing the person you're making a toast about is kind of awkward, kind of like, look at me, I want some of the attention, too.

Right, it's tacky. One person who has this first toast ingredient down pack is Kelly from Insecure.

All right, y'all, gather around, gather around. I myself may not be partaking, but by all means, grab an adult boissant and join me in a toast. Now. I don't like children, I never have.

They're small features and stilted movements remind me of tiny demons.

But not Simone.

This little girl means so so much to me.

Baby girl's going to be a force when she grows up.

I am so proud to be her godmother.

Happy birthday, Samo and angel amongst demons. Cheers, cheer, cheers.

She's talking about her godchild at the baby's first birthday. She's known the kid since before day one. Baby sits often, probably feeds and changes diapers, so she definitely has that personal connection.

Yeah, and she kind of went off the rails with dissing other babies, but hey, I mean she said what she said.

She stood her ground, and that brings us to our second ingredient. If you're gonna toast, make your heartfelt. Kelly truly meant what she said. The person you're toasting and everybody else will be able to tell if your sentiments are genuine or not, so please keep it real.

Okay. Personal connection check, heartfelt check.

Okay. And this next one, Loki, I think is the most important one. Like, if you mess this up, you more than likely have killed the vibe.

Okay, the suspense.

Do you want to guess?

No?

What is it? Tell me? All right?

All right, after this ad break, I'll tell you and we're back. So I'm gonna hop right into this next perfect toast ingredient. Finally, Okay, Okay, a good toast is concise.

I should have known you would think that was the most important, you really care about keeping things short and cute.

I mean, think about it. If you're giving a toast, you're in the midst of a celebratory moment. So folks want to have fun. They don't want to hear you drone on and on. Say what you got to say and let them folks enjoy themselves.

Mm hmm. Sometimes people are so gassed that someone's listening to them they feel like they have to talk for a long time.

Dray and Blackish has the conciseness bit down everybody.

I propose a toast to junior, but stepping out on his own, Oh you know, he might blow it.

He might not.

The junior junior.

Okay, why are all these examples so shady?

Yeah, that one was kind of shady, but it was concise and the shadiest of This one in particular, has me thinking about what role toast play and storytelling, you know, like from the TV shows and movies I've watched, toasts mark a transition. There's a clear demarcation of the before and after in these scenes. The toasty grows up before our eyes in that moment, like Dre is toasting Junior because he's moving out on his own, which is kind

Yeah, I do think that toasts and storytelling happen in moments that are very important, and oftentimes there are all these different subplots that are coming together, and maybe characters are all together in a room where they're not necessarily

Yeah, I like their idea about the subplots coming together. And it's like that way in real life too. Like we talked about, like how different are toasts in movies and TV shows versus toast in real life, And like when Junior gets toasted too by his dad Dre, the grandparents are there, the girlfriend's there, the sister's there, the mom's there, and like many instances, like your grandparents are

It's likely to get messy.

Okay, it's giving more mess for us to watch and to consume.

And that's what we're there for.

We're here for the mess. We're here for the mess. Truly. One important toast ingredient that Drey was missing. A perfect toast expresses gratitude or congratulations.

Right, he definitely could have congratulated his son for stepping out on his own or expressed gratitude that he had been a great son and an integral member of the family.

Hey, we all fall short of the glory. And speaking of falling short, yeah, do you remember the toast from Best Man? Got you? Let me do it, Let me do it? Okay, Okay, my bad, Okay. So Tadud's character's toast was heartfelt. Next time y'all watch the movie, peep that the other grooonsman takes his prepared speech away, like, nah, you gotta speak from the heart after the way you was moving.

Yeah, Like, you can't write a whole book about sleeping with your best friends soon to be wife and not speak from the heart.

You gotta lay it all out.

At this point, I have learned from them what it means to be truly committed to another person. I have learned the importance of seizing a moment because it can't go back. You can never go back. You have to live for today, not for what was or or could have been, and what will be no one can say. But sometimes you just have to step out on faith and believe that what you have built together is worth preserving.

He was moving funny, but at least he got the toast right Andy. He had the personal connection heartfel and concise, and he congratulated the people he was toasting of. Five stars, pay digs, five stars, five stars.

Okay, So if you're preparing your toast, you're likely like working on it beforehand, right, so you're probably writing it down, you're editing your toast. You might add things in later, you might do it early. If you do it early enough, you have time to just exist in the world or be around that person, and maybe certain things will come up that you realize you didn't put in the toast, and you can go back and you can put them in the toast, so you have time to work with

Okay, all the ones that we saw had no paper right or cell phone. And I do think reading it makes it feel like a little because, like, you know, not everyone to speak, as we said, so people do get nervous and there's a lot sometimes there's a lot of people around, so you don't want to like mess up. But there's somebo that somebot that memorized slashed off the cuff that gives it Esa and Jennison.

Quah, Yeah, I think so too, But I also think that's a lot of pressure on a person who doesn't normally speak in public and definitely doesn't have to memorize. I do think that it isn't just a function of storytelling in these clips that we saw that they don't have things. It is a function of who the characters are to not have come with their speeches on paper or on their phones.

I think that might be one of the biggest departures from reality okay that we're seeing in these scripted tales, because one, they're actors anyway, you can't memorize lines. But yeah, for like a regular civilian to memorize maybe like a three minute toast, I don't know, uh huh, to memorize one. Maybe to just say one off the cuff, I can see. But it's gonna be good, probably not.

You have to be good at that. You have to know you're gonna be good at that, and you have to have done this kind of thing before.

But when someone's like, hey, hey, you can you say some You don't have time to prayer. You don't have time write none down either, And I.

Don't like that. It stresses me out thinking about it. And I speak for a living. It stresses me out thinking about somebody saying well, it's like pointing the person out saying you do you have the answer? It's like, I, I didn't come here to toast, like, I wasn't prepared to do that, So calling somebody else out to do that feels a little rude to me.

It is, but I think people's perceptions are colored by what they see on TV. It's like people give toes all the time. It's easy, it's breezy. I ain't gonna do it, but I want you to. So I do think having a memorized or off the cuff toast has the connotation of caring more.

I think that that is a tough one because of different people's dispositions in the way that they interact with the world. And I know it can be super anxiety inducing to have to get up in front of a bunch of people, and that having that thing on paper can maybe de escalate the intensity of the moment a little bit. So I wonder if there is a way to if there's like a middle ground. I don't know.

True, because if you read it and you sounded like that second getter who don't read good yet, I think people are gonna be. But that's just me. That just me hating.

Okay, you know how I am a hater. Yeah, fair enough. So at the top of this episode, you wanted to make a toast but didn't know how. But it sounds like you learned a thing or four.

So you're right, and we'll test my newfound skills after the break. To my brilliant and artistic friend, Eaves, I raise my glass to celebrate your incredible literary journey. I look forward to you shepherding us into worlds unknown. Here's to the boundless creativity that flows from your pen into the countless tales yet to be told. Cheers to you, Eves for inspiring us to see the world through new lenses.

Oh that was really sweet of you, Katie. I liked your toast. I feel like you followed all of these rules of giving a good toast. It was congratulatory, it was definitely hard. It felt it was related to our specific situations, and I could tell that you thought about it deeply and you were thinking about what to put in it beforehand.

So I really liked that toast, and I really like you.

Thank you, which is probably a key thing in giving a toast. That you like the person who you're giving a toast about.

Yeah, no need to toast someone you do not fuck with.

Yeah, don't do it period.

Now it is time for roll credits.

Roll them. So, Katie, what person place saying idea? Would you like to give credit to you today?

I would like to give credit to Palestine. And I say that with no qualifications. I say that with no preamble. I say that with no PostScript. I believe in a free Palestine. I believe in a free Hawaii. I believe in free Puerto Rico. I believe in free Guam. I believe in a free Atlanta, Georgia. And Jackson, Mississippian freedom boys. Who would you like to give credit to?

I would like to give credit to healing today. I would like to give credit to everybody who's on a healing journey. I would like to give credit to everyone who is finding out what healing means to them in different ways. I would like to give credit to people who are unapologetically healing and people who are apologetically healing, because in the end, the healing is happening and I'm happy about that. I would like to give credit to the act of healing in general. For all of the

And we'll see you next week.

Bye bye. On Theme is a production of iHeartRadio and Fairweather Friends Media. This episode was written by Eves Jeffco and Katie Mitchell. It was edited and produced by Tari Harrison. Follow us on Instagram at on Themeshow. You can also send us an email at hello at ontheme dot show. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.