Why Your Self Worth is Keeping You Stuck & How to Stop Sabotaging Your Personal Growth With Jamie Kern Lima

This would also mean the absolute world to me and help us make better, bigger, brighter for you in the world.

those anymore. I'm talking about my dear friend, Jamie can Lima, a New York Times best selling author, founder of IT Cosmetics, a company she started in her living room and sold to Lareal in a billion dollar deal, becoming the first female CEO of a brand in its one hundred year history.

Jamie is also an active philanthropist who has funded leadership training in more than one hundred prisons and shelters across the United States, and has donated over fourteen million dollars in product and funds to help women face the effects of cancer with confidence. Jamie is donating one hundred percent of her author proceeds of her new book Worthy to charity as well.

me when you were divinely downloading this book. Yes, and I wanted to start off by There's so many things I want to talk about in the book, but the thing that's calling me to start with is.

than I ever have. But it is a daily it is a daily practice, it's a daily intention and for anyone who is with us right now listening watching, who's ever had a goal, like a big goal or a dream and they thought, you know, once I finally get that thing, then I'm going to feel enough and happy

and fulfilled. And then you get that thing, and maybe you worked for like a week or a month or several years, and then you get it and you're like happy for a while, but you're like, why do I still feel like something's missing or like I'm not enough? And that was me most of my entire life. And usually when that happens, we think, oh, I've just got to work harder. I've just got to level up and hustle more and get the next thing and the next thing.

And so I spent oh my gosh, decades of my life kind of as an achiever, but deep down inside not feeling like I was enough. Yet I thought I would solve that by doing all these things on the

outside that the world told me makes you enough. And what's wild is even after not to like jump way ahead, but even after achieving some of these things that the days I was a Denny's waitress, I could not have imagined selling my company for a one point two billion dollars cash right, or becoming the first CEO, oh of you know, a brand in Loreal's history, any of those things.

I couldn't have imagined those happening. And yet I found myself in a moment in my life where I was achieving all of these things and still feeling like I wasn't enough. And here's the thing, what I learned the hard way is when we achieve all these things, we build a lot of self confidence, which is really important, but none of them build self worth, which is different.

And when we have a lot of confidence, when we're crushing it on the outside, but deep down inside we don't feel like we're enough, it will show up in our lives and we may not show up in our career, It might show up in our relationships, it might not show up in you know, different areas. And I found myself at this in this moment in time where I was so confident and all these things were going right, and I'd put decades of hard work, and I still didn't feel like I was enough, and I was still

sabotaging things in my life. And it was really only three years ago where there was a big moment that happened in my life with Oprah actually where I realized, oh my gosh, I am so confident, but I actually have a lot of self confidence, but I actually don't have a lot of self worth. And they're very different.

And you know, our self worth is our ceiling, and it's why, you know, even if we arrive at that goal, whether it's like a career thing or getting married and having kids, or finally getting a six pack abs or you know whatever, the things you still take you with you, which is why you still arrive there. And you're like, why do I still feel like I'm not enough? And as you and I are talking, eighty percent of women don't believe they are enough. Seventy three percent of men

feel inadequate and not enough. Right, and then you look at other areas of life. Seventy five percent of women deal with imposter syndrome, more than fifty percent of men deal with it. When we believe we are not enough as we are a it is a lie. It is a lie, but packs almost every area of our life. So a big reason why I wrote worthy is because I realized, oh my goodness, like in life, we don't become what we want. We become what we believe we're worthy of and that is the thing. Our self worth

is our ceiling. And so it's really a book about, you know, believe that. My first book was my story of learning to believe in myself. And Worthy is really like a playbook, like how do you believe in you? It's packed with over twenty tools on it on building self worth, and it's just the one thing because it's the identity level, Like our self confidence is really important, but it's it's an internal trait, but it's based so much on the external, on like our willingness to try

and go for it. You know, how we feel we stack up and compare to others, and how much of the world's definition of success we have if we're winning or losing, and they show, you know, studies show the boxer who wins the fight is automatically thirty percent more confident. Our confidence is really important. It's an important part of our life, but it's fragile, it fluctuates. You know, our

self worth is different. It's that deep internal knowing and belief that we are worthy of love and belonging exactly as we are, not as our past mistakes or failures or regrets, not as our future successes, but like innately and exactly as we are, And a lot of people worry, well, if I believe that was enough as I am, will I lose my ambition while I lose my edge. It's like,

oh no, you don't. You actually become more ambitious because when you learn to believe you are enough exactly as you are, you become fearless about going for things because you know, even if you fail or fall flat on your face or your embarrassed or it doesn't go well, like that might shake your confidence, but it cannot touch your self worth because your self worth is your identity,

your foundation. It's almost like our self confidence is the house with all the rooms and the art and that we're building in our life, which is so important, but our self worth is the foundation under it, and our house is only ever as stable and secure as that foundation. So yeah, I have been obsessed with self worth, with

building it. It is just the one thing that changes everything and for most of us, like we can go into this if you want, but there's like three main areas that shows up in our life when we're struggling with it. So but I'm really passionate about it.

of the book, so you can't miss it. But I'm just going to share this if you don't mind, because I looked at these stats and it just was like a punch in the gut when I read it, because I was like, this really hit me. So listen to this. This is reading from Worthy by Jamie Kenlema, page one. It says, for the eighty percent of women who don't believe they're enough, the seventy five percent of female executives who deal with imposter syndrome, and the ninety one percent

of girls and women who don't love their bodies. For the seventy three percent of men who feel inadequate, and the one hundred percent of men who come from a woman and likely have at least one girl or woman in their lives whom they care about. When you believe you're fundamentally not enough, and unworthy as a person. It's a lie. The time to unlearn that lie has come together. Let's leave no girl, no woman, no person left behind in knowing.

they're so different. But we try to solve our feelings of not enoughness with things that just build self confidence, but none of them build self worth, and they're so different. Like, so many people think they need more self confidence, which is important, but it's so so, so different and for self worth. If someone's listening to us right now, they're like, oh, wait a minute, is this why I don't feel fulfilled? Or is this way I feel like it's never I'm

never enough for self worth. I'm just getting so fired up on it. But it shows up for so many of us. Like you look at those numbers, it's like, oh my gosh, three ways it shows up. So if we have low self worth right and again, you can be crushing it on the outside and you can be

hiding this really well. But if you have low self worth, for a lot of us, it looks like we're stuck and we don't know why we're stuck, and we don't know why, and we tell ourselves like, for example, maybe we know we want to write a book, or we want to share our ideas at work, or we want to put our art out into the world, or we want to find a life partner, and but we're not putting ourselves on the dating app or we're not like going out and socializing, or we're not raising our hand

and sharing our idea on the zoom caller. We haven't written the first word of our book, and we tell ourselves stories like oh, I just need more experience, or I need to get more skill sets, or all these reasons why we're stuck, and they may be true, But what a lot of us don't realize is the reason we're is because deep down inside, we actually don't believe

we're worthy of the thing. And that will keep you stuck all day long and not knowing why, because again, your self worth is your ceiling right, and we don't soar to the level of our goals and dreams. We stay stuck at the level of our self worth every time, and that's really how low self worth often shows up. And then when you have a load to medium self worth, what that looks like maybe a lot of people listening

can identify with this. It looks like you'll go for the thing, like you'll put yourself out there, but then you'll either hit a ceiling a plateau, and you're trying for a breakthrough and you don't know why, Like maybe you want to grow your follower account, you want to grow your business to six figures, but you're hitting a ceiling at five figures and you don't know why you can't break past it, or or you'll go for it but you'll sabotage it. Right, you'll go for it and

you'll sabotage it along the way. You'll meet a potential partner and you'll be like, they're amazing, and then you somehow are attracted to them and you put them in the friend zone. Or you'll write the book and then you won't send it out, like you'll go for the thing, but you'll stabbed it because deep down inside you don't believe you're worthy of it. And the third most common way, and this is for people who are ambitious or achievers. This is very, very common. This is me a lot

in my life. You'll go for the thing and you'll actually make it happen, you'll actually achieve it, you'll actually but you arrive at it still feeling like something's missing, still feeling like it's not enough, still feeling like you're not enough, and so you feel unfulfilled. And then you think, I've just got to achieve more and more and more

and more and more. And the most beautiful part about building self worth is that you realize, okay, I am which this is the truth, Jay, every single person listening to us right now, this is the most beautiful part every one of us. I do not care mistakes. Your past failure is what you think you got wrong, who you think you hurt, that you wish you didn't any of that. I don't, and I don't care how much success you have. None of that matters. Every person right

now is fully, fully worthy, exactly as you are. And this journey isn't about learning some stuff you gotta do to be worried. This is about unlearning the lies that lead to self doubt and then igniting those truths that

wake up worthiness in us. And that is the part I'm most excited about when I'm jumping out of my chair because when I think about everybody listening, when I think about everyone listening and watching you and I right now, the moment you learn to believe you are worthy, oh my gosh, like that is the moment where it feels like breakthrough, it feels like joy, it tastes like freedom. It's the moment when and healthy relationships end. It's the moment when you put your dreams and ideas out there,

no matter how they are received. It's the moment you share your idea is It's the moment businesses are launched, and I just yeah, I'm so passionate about this because and I talk about this and worthy a lot that like, you know, we don't in life, in life, in our relationships, in in in our friendships and our hopes and dreams, that that we don't rise to what we believe is possible, right,

And it's hard to believe things are possible. But even then we don't rise to what we believe is possible, we still fall to what we believe we're worthy of. It is that one thing at an identity level that we will always return to and and building. It is everything. So yeah, I have you ever had a guest jump out of your chair before?

way or another. There's comparison as envy, there's images that are put in front of you about what you should be aiming for and what you should be woke us through that personally and in how we unlearn.

chapter is not about your weight. It's about that if you've been waiting on your weight to live your best life, or by the way, the weight of expectations, other people's expectations, or your own, what weight are you, you know, letting

hold you down? So this idea that your weight determines your worth is a lie, and it is a lie that is impacting so many of us right now as we speak, eighty nine percent, eighty nine percent of girls and women will opt out of meaningful activities, including interacting with friends or loved ones, when they don't like how they look. And jay most of my life, I believe this lie, even when I was crushing it by all

other measures. I still, even when I built a company that was inspiring and does inspire millions and millions and millions of people to embrace who they are, I was still believing this lie that my weight determined my worth, and I was still waiting on my weight for that and the big way to overcome this lie because first

of all, it is a lie. Second of all, for anyone who has hit fitness goals or hit weight goal, they know you still arrive at that goal and you still don't feel in that it does not it does not change who you are, right because because it is an external thing that can fluctuate confidence, but it is it does not impact your worth. That's the first thing. No matter what your weight is or isn't it, it is irrelevant to your self worth and understanding. That's really

really important. But then how to break free of this lie is to flip it on its head, which is what happened to me in my life. And as human beings, as you know, we're wired to avoid pain at all costs. And we think, oh if I you know, we're waiting on our weight to to live our best lives. And we think, oh, because I'm not what I think I need to look like, I'm going to skip out on the event. I'm not going to go.

in a huge way too, as well as women. But the numbers are just staggering. But when you flip it around and go, well, wait a minute, what has waiting on my weight already cost me in my life? That pain of the regret, when we flip it around and think of it that way, that pain is far more painful than well, what happens if I'm judged at a party. And in my life I spent decades like telling myself, oh, nothing fits, I'm just not going to go I'm just going to miss out on this. And it was having

my daughter and I remember this moment, Jay. I was at a public hotel, lots of people there, people I knew were there, and my daughter was one years old and going to go swimming for the first time, and I was literally on the side of the pool. I look so cute, but I was covered up, covered up in a edit swim suit. But I was covered up, covered up, covered up, sunglasses, had all the things. And I was like, I'm just gonna watch my husband take her and swim. And I had this moment where I'm like,

I know why I'm gonna sit here and watch. I'm about to miss out on the first moment my daughter's gonna swim because I am still waiting on my weight to live my best life. And when I looked at like, what has this already cost me? The memories, the joy, the all of it, right, And I also realized me doing this is actually me telling her she is not worthy of her of her body, right. And I'm like, the pain of that is far more. And that was the moment I literally took my cover up off. I

walked over to the pool in front of everyone. I shook my cellulite with joy, like jiggled my satelite with joy Jashetty and I got right in the pool. I swam with my daughter wonder and I'm like, I'm done. I am done waiting on my weight. And here's the thing. Y'all. First of all, no one cares you know what I mean about, even even people that are really high profile that at the end of the day, it cannot impact

your worth. And to unlearn this lie. The most important thing first of all is to realize it has been a lie impacting you, and then to go, wow, okay, let me really understand the difference between self worth and self confidence and understanding the difference and then understanding, okay, this lies impacting my self confidence. It doesn't touch my worth, but it is impacting my self confidence. Now how do I unlearn it? There? How do I unlearn it? And

this is how you learn it? And I go deep into how to do this in the book because when we can reframe a lie and believe and not only associate more pain with believing it than with just going for it, that's when as human being will go for it.

self doubt already cost you in your life? Right? And then you look at it from that perspective, and a lot of us we spend so much time building skill sets and those are important, you know, you know, you know I was talking about it's important to put in the reps and get the experience and all the things, but also learning how to unlearn the lives that lead a self doubt. Oh my gosh, because again, our self worth is our ceiling and so just it's so powerful.

her one day. So for everyone listening, maybe you had a like a maybe your hero was Superman or like we all have different I dreamed of meeting her. I'd watch her and I'm like, one day I'm going to host a show and share other people's stories with the world. And she was just my hero my whole life. And I remember this moment as a little girl where I'm like, I'm going to meet her. I just had this knowing

I'm going to meet her, which made no sense. I'm in the middle of a suburb of Washington State, like I just knew it, and I dared to believe it was going to happen. I dared, I prayed it would happen. Fast forward thirty nine years and I had a chance to meet her at an event which is the long story I won't go into. It was amazing. And then after it went by so fast, I wrote her a letter after and sent it to her chief of staff, which is one in a billion that she would read

that the chief of staff would read it. Amy was her name, Then one in a billion she would share it. Then one in a billion Oprah would read it. All those things happened, and Oprah invite I meet her house for lunch. And I'm sharing this because everyone listening, I think, is going to have an AHA on their own life with how we handle and how we sabotage things we don't believe we're worthy of. And now this was my dream,

my whole life. And I went to her house for lunch, which is like what in the world, right, And we had a three hour lunch just me and her. At the very end, this is my lifelong dream. At the very end of it, she gave me her cell phone number. She said, call me anytime. You can call me anytime, and Jay, in this moment my life, and I just want everyone to put theirselves in these shoes because we all do this. I was really confident. I did not know there is a big difference between self confidence and

self worth. And everything was going right in my life right like I just sold a cosmetic trel to money like the Forbes list. All these things were and I was really confident. And the day she gave me her number, I did not call her for four years, literally didn't call her for four years. And in that four year stretch. I told myself stories that I thought were true, like, oh, I just need to have the perfect thing to say, then I'm gonna call her, or I bet everyone wants

something from her. I'm going to prove I don't need anything. I'm not, you know, I tell myself. And literally four years later it hit me like this light bulb that burst where I was like, the real reason I have not called her was because deep down inside I didn't believe I was worthy of being her friend. And this is what self worth low self worth will do to you. You can have a lot of confidence, you could be crushing it everywhere, but you sabotage an opportunity, You sabotage

your marriage, you sabotage your friendship. It shows up in different areas. And that was the day you remind me of the story because you're talking about our thoughts and our self doubt. That was the day when this happened and I realized it. I literally I imagine myself turning down the dial like almost like a volume dial and of a radio of my thoughts and my self doubt that says you are not worthy of being her friend.

And I imagine like turning up the volume on my soul, like my knowing, because I am a kick ass friend. I know I am worthy of being her or anyway, I am such a good friend and I know that, and I remember turning the volume up on that knowing. And that was the moment I called her, when I learned to turn down the volume on the lies that tell us we are not enough and unworthy and like tune into our soul and to our knowing. And that was the day I called her. At first I called her,

she did not answer. I was like, oh my gosh, for you.

So if we do not feel we are enough deep down, it is why we will be perpetually unfulfilled, no matter how much we achieve and what is the point of all of it if we are unfulfilled and don't enjoy it? And so became obsessed with studying self worth. And I just think about how, you know, I taught a course with her this last year and now it's and it almost didn't happen. And when I think about, what does self that already cost you? Like for everyone listening and

watching us right now, what hasn't happened? Like I almost so many times Jay doubted myself out of my own destiny, right, and like this is why building self worth is so important. I'm a little passionate about that.

relationship with rejection, yes, how does one even stop? Because I think, whether someone's trying to become an actor, whether someone's trying to get a job, whether someone's trying to find a partner, rejection is almost the path.

chip away at our self worth. There's a whole chapter in here called You're not crazy, You're just first, And it's all about the power and the data behind it of Oh my gosh, about how so often the things that we think are wrong or odd or quirky or off or different or strange or or wrong about us are actually the things that are most right about us. And literally I built a billion dollar business figuring this out. Is this tastes like freedom when you embrace this, this

tastes like freedom. I'm so excited for everyone to read that chapter and also the one you're talking about. When you change your relationship with rejection, you change your life and exactly what you said. So again, so a lot of us associate so much pain with getting rejected or failing right that will stay stuck and and to your point,

it can hit deeper. So here's the thing. Whether we've been rejecting ourselves by not showing up authentically, or a lot of us are unaware of past rejections or failures. And when we build self worth, what's beautiful is rejections and failures. They just shake our confidence for a bit,

but they cannot touch our self worth. But for a lot of us, we've had past rejections or failures that, yes have hurt our confidence, but we've let them take real at an identity level, and we've started to believe we're a failure or we're a reject, and that is when they crush yourself worth. And so I go into a four part framework called the four RS. And this chapter, and it is, oh my gosh, this might be my

favorite chapter because this was almost its own book. When you change your relationship with the rejection, you change your life. I did not want to wait two and a half more years to put it out, which, as you know, as an author, you have to wait. I'm like, no, pe believe this now. So it's now chapter two in the book. But here's the thing. When I was building it cosmetics, what a lot of people don't know. They just kind of read the press headline, oh Denny's waitress

builds billion dollar company. But it was hundreds and hundreds

of rejections along the way. It was so many people that I just love, and I used to save my Denny's tip money to buy a lipstick at Sephora, and in the departments are like, I love shopping there, and all of a sudden, they're telling me, no, that my idea is not going to work, the brand's not going to And this was no, after no, after no, after no. And from the point I launched this business in my living room, it was three years before I could even afford to pay myself a penny. But then hundreds and

hundreds and hundreds of nos And here's the thing. A lot of people, maybe they know it cosmetics today and they see it at Sephora or at all to Beauty or at you know, in the department stores on QVC, and they don't realize it was actually years of all of them saying no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no no, and Jay, sometimes it wasn't just no, it was like no come back later, it was like no. Like some of the nos were so painful, I would

cry myself to sleep under the covers. And most of us have so much pain attached to rejection that we give up after one no or five nos, or we start to think that someone else's rejection or no or disbelief in us or whatever it might be, is some indication of our potential or some indication of our idea or our dream or our te and it is not.

It is not. And so what I my intention behind this chapter was, I was like, Okay, let me break down at a granular level, what are the tools on how to reframe rejection so that you actually embrace it in a way where you become fearless over it? And I break down the four rs, which is how I went from you know, going through hundreds of rejections and literally not letting them take root, literally deciding like, oh, you know, this is no indication if my business is

going to make it, if my idea is right. And there was one moment after this really painful rejection from QVC, and I knew in my knowing, right we talk about our knowing. In my knowing, Jay, I knew like I'm supposed to be doing this, And every time i'd pray or get still, I just felt this knowing like I'm

supposed to be doing it. But everyone around me was telling me no. Potential investors were telling me no. All these retailers were telling me no. And two things for anyone who needs this today, what I realized is, Okay, I'm getting all these nos. But when I get still, and for some people that's meditation, for some people that's prayer. When I get still and I pray, I will hear a knowing. And every one of us has a knowing, and your knowing is more powerful than anyone else's advice.

And in this case, I had this journey of all these nos, and I had my knowing, and I believe which one you listen to? Do you listen to the nose, and sometimes our thoughts we're the ones telling ourselves the most painful nose or do you listen to your knowing? Right, And whether you listen to the nose or the knowing, I think your life, your business, your relationships can come down to which one you listen to. But when we're in the journey of understanding that, the nose can be

really painful. So there was one particular moment I was crying under my covers from another rejection from KVC, and I started googling every thought leader, every person who has helped me with humanity forward, every person in business who's ever built incredible things. Every single one of them has faced countless rejections, countless failures, countless setbacks. They're just the

brave ones willing to keep going anyways. And what I realized in that moment was every time I had been getting a no up till then, the first thought I'd have is yet there's proof I'm not enough right So, and why that's important is for everyone listening, if you imagine yourself getting rejected, or imagine yourself putting yourself out there telling the person you want to be more than just friends, or putting an idea on social media, or going for the business or applying for the job, and

you imagine yourself getting rejected or failure or failing at it. Think about the first thought you think, Like for me most of my whole life, it was Yep, I'm not enough. Proof I'm not. For a lot of us, that first thought is so painful. And by the way, that first thought is actually your current definition of rejection or failure. That is the meaning, whether you know it or not, that you're assigning to rejection or failure. And that meaning for so many of us is so painful that it

will keep us stuck. We will quit, we will give up, right And so for me my whole life, it was, oh, yeah, there's proof I'm not enough. And in this single moment crying under the covers, then googling all these people and realizing, wow, they've all had a million rejections. They're just the brave ones willing to keep going anyways, And that day I wrote down, rejection does not mean I'm not enough. Rejection means I'm one of the brave ones. Like it's a victory.

I'm one of the brave ones willing to keep going. Forward anyway, I am not one of the ones sitting on the sidelines in regret, right, No, I'm one of the brave ones. And so I reframed it, and then every time I got another no, I committed right, because right away I would think, oh, yeah, proof I'm not enough, like no, no, no, no, I'd intercept that thought replace it with this new definition, like this is a victory means I'm one of the brave ones willing to go for it,

and I believe that to be true. And so this four part our framework is to reveal your current definition of rejection, which we all did right the first thought you have and you rejected or failure, that's actually your current definition. And for a lot of us, it's real painful when I ask groups of people this. It's like I shouldn't have even tried. I'm a loser, I'm stupid. Why did I go for it? That's your current definition exactly.

And so then when you redefine it, which is what I started to do in that moment where I wrote out, oh, rejection doesn't mean I'm not enough, it means I'm one of the brave ones willing to go for it. And then I started building a toolbox in my life. That's great of new definitions. So another one I love is rejections. God's protection, right, Rejection is the Universe's protection. Rejection means I'm one step closer to that. Yes, Rejection is that

I'm putting in the reps. I'm getting strong enough to carry the weight of my success when it does happen. Rejection means like, Okay, I'm excited for what's coming because this is not happening to me, it's happening for me, and I cannot wait to write. So I go through in the book how you do this and build this new set of definitions that you're committed to. And then the third R is my favorite, and it is called revisit.

And this is the one that will change everything. It's going to be really emotional for everyone likely who does it. But Jay, a lot of us have past rejections or failures.

The person that broke our heart, the person that we wanted it to work out so bad and it didn't, or the job we wanted so bad and they didn't see our value and we don't know why, or the partner who betrayed us, or the friend that pulled the rug out from underneath you, or the new friend that did not invite you to the party and you don't know why. And the third R is revisit And this is where you go to rejections that have happened that you've let take root into your identity and convinced you

you're somehow a rejector you're somehow a failure. And then you apply these first two steps to them, reveal what your meaning is you're giving to them, and then you redefine them. And this is like, oh my gosh, so many of us are letting past rejections and failures stick to us like labels that we think are permanent, that are like lead balloons on our wings when we're trying to fly and we're trying to soar, but we're holding

ourselves down. And I have done this with so many things in my life and it has been huge because two quick things. I'm so excited. But you know, I was adopted and I was raised by parents who, oh my gosh, I feel so blessed, but they worked a lot, and I was always home alone watching Oprah in my

living room. But all growing up and later in life I found out I was adopted and I always had this told myself the story that or I always felt abandoned or unwanted, and the way that that came out in my life, Oh my gosh, Like I would stay in toxic relationships because I didn't want to abandon the person. Later on, when I'm crushing it in business and have over a thousand employees in my company, I would not fire employees soon enough when like they really really deserved it,

because I didn't want to abandon them. And I went through this process in the book, and I realized the meaning I was giving to being adopted, the meaning I was given to growing up alone a lot. And I realized, Okay, I can tell myself that story or I can actually redefine it in a way I know is true. And I just decided, okay, you know what, my birth mom

and dad were together one time. Ever, like God chose me to be conceived, and then my birth mom's life would have been so much easier if she did not have me, but she chose to bring me in the world, and my parents chose to raise me. I'm like, I'm not unwanted, I'm chosen, and like I believe that to be true, and it has shifted how I show up

in friendships. It has shifted how I believe I'm worthy of friendships and my all time favorite just in case someone needs this today, because I think so many of us have been hurt by other people, have been hurt, have people have not loved us the way we need, or we're just hurt because we feel like we're not included, or our friend doesn't see our value, or we're trying so hard to put ourselves out there and it's not working. I will tell myself this definition, and this is for

someone who needs this today. I feel it my soul. I will literally imagine God saying to me, oh, you weren't rejected. I hid your value from them because they're not assigned to your destiny. And I will believe it. And even to this day, it helps me, like, let rejections rule right off me. Like if I'm not invited to a party, Jay, the old me wants to think I'm not enough, and right away I'm like, oh, Okay, God's blocking my value from that person because I don't

know why, but they're not assigned to my destiny. And I'm gonna trust it. I'm gonna believe it, and it helps me not let these things take root in my identity and it helps me just like break free from them. And so I go through the whole four part framework of how to do this. But I can tell you it's almost never an accident when someone has been able to create or build or succeed in something. And while I have made so many mistakes and I have a lot of issues in my life right now, fear of

rejection and failure is not one of them. It is literally one of the tools on how I endured hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of rejections. And then Jay like, what's so kind of cool? This is cool? Is just because I know someone needs to hear this today. That someone else's doubt about you is no indication. It's no indication of your potential, of if your dream's going to work, of if your idea is going to work, if if you're gonna make it, if your business is going to succeed.

And I look back and every single person that told me no along the journey of building at Cosmetics, and sometimes it was years, even after we built the number one brand and QVC number one beauty brand in their history, after they said no for years even after that, I think it was like know how many more years before Sephora finally said yes, it was no after know it forever, and every single one of those nos turned into a yes,

every single one of them. And it's just like, I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you have a knowing, if you have a knowing that you are supposed to be doing what you're doing, whether it's putting your art or your talent out there in the world, or going for that job or launching that business, like other people's nos cannot compete with your knowing. And you've

got to trust your knowing. The second you start trusting all those other nos or the nos that get in your head, that will take you down all day long, right it will. But those that rejection, those nos are no indication of your potential. And so it was just really important for me to go through. It's really a masterclass in that and worthy on. How do you reframe rejection and learn to believe it so it does not have power over you and it doesn't take root in

your self worth and it doesn't hold you back. So I hope I can't wait for to hear how this blesses people, and I want them to share this first of all, any when listening, share this episode with someone who's like, oh my gosh, if they knew how to like reframe and know a reframe rejection. But then post and tag j and tell them how this is impacting your life because this is yeah, it just tastes like freedom. And it's all a lie. You know, someone else's rejection

impacts our potential. That is a lie. That is a lie, and when we learn not to believe it, it's just it's freedom.

phenomenal inside tools. Jamie has just shared a tip of the Iceberg version of some of the amazing tools that are inside this book. And Jamie, I want to ask you one last question that I'm sitting with us, I'm looking at your beautiful cover I'm witnessing you like a rocket ship flying off of this seat. And which lie are you still trying to unlearn?

with this. That's why I'm getting so excited. But my whole life jay for anyone who has felt like they're a little odd or different, or maybe they don't quite fit in with their family, or they're like the one that likes to read books when no one else does, or they're the one that you know, I used yes

podcast or has big dreams. I always felt like I had to kind of change who I was to fit in, and that who I was, if I was fully me, I would not belong And I always kind of felt like that, and I always felt a little bit different, and I remember growing up I would have these big, wild ideas about you know, things that could impact the world.

And again, I have loving, blessed, loving family, but I would often hear things like things like that don't happen to people like us, or you know things like that, right, And I remember, and I'd always hear like, you're crazy, you're crazy, and it was a term of endearment, but you know you're crazy. Who do you think you are? And I just got really good at dimming my own

light to make everyone comfortable. I got really good at people pleasing, And in my twenties, I was the first person in my five families that I'm aware of to go to therapy. No one had ever on a therapy that I am aware of. And I remember flat out asking my therapist. I said, you know, I'm am I crazy, Like my family's always said these words as terms of endearment, but like I feel like I'm very different and I don't fit in. And I asked her and she said,

You're not crazy, but I'm really glad you're here. And she explained to me that when you are the first in your family or your peer group, or the people you are raised around or your colleagues, when you're the first to actually be brave enough to be who you authentically are and be willing to think different or love different, or vote different or create different right that will. It often comes with feeling othered or feeling like you don't quite fit in or you don't quite belong because you

are the first ever you. And I remember this moment that hit me like a light bulb, like so bright it burst, when I realized I'm not crazy, I'm just first. Not crazy, I'm just first. I'm the first ever me and every person listening to you and me right now, like you are the first ever you. And if you are one of the brave ones willing to show up in this life as who you truly authentically are, you

are first. There has never been another you before, there will never be another you again, Like no one in this world has your unique fingerprints or tongue print or iris of your eyes, or we all have a unique heartbeat. But also, if you think about this, right for everyone listening, no one else has you know the experiences you have and the emotions that you feel or sees art or beauty in the world the way you do. And so when you show up authentically as who you are, do

not be surprised if not. Everyone gets it like they've never seen another you before.

done before. And so for every person listening who thinks someone's done my idea, someone's done it better than me, someone's done it smarter than me, that is a lie. Because when you are willing to be the brave one and show up is who you authentically are, you cannot prove me wrong. It has never been done before. Your idea has never been done before the way you're gonna

do it. And that is why it is your superpower to be fully authentically you, because we think, oh, those things are wrong if they found out who I really am of you know, oh h ah, the second you are not you, there's an automatic barrier of disconnection between you and customers, you and a potential partner, you and friends. When you are who you fully are, even the quirks and all that is your superpower. You are not crazy.

You are just first. And that has been I think of all the lies, that is the one that is the most freeing, It is the most liberating. It has brought me so much closer in my friendships right and walking into this room with you, Jay Sheddy, a friend who I love and a door if I am thinking about, oh, I need to be a great guest and say the right things, and I do. There's now a barrier of disconnection between me and you, between me and every single

person listening and watching right now. And there's probably a billion things I've said that I could do such a better job at. But guess what I said, am fully me. I was jumping out of my chair because that is full.

But this is how people connect. And so every person listening who feels like they have to be something slightly other than who they are, ah ah ah, you are not crazy or a different You're first, right, And the last thing I'll say to that Jay, When I was finally got one shot on QVC after years them telling me no, and we sold out in ten minutes, which is a wild story. And then I eventually did over

one thousand live shows. Right we were selling over two hundred million dollars in product a year just meet to a camera on QVC. I mean, the whole thing was wild. But I sat in that green room for over eight years, over one thousand shows, and I met tens of thousands of entrepreneurs, of brand founders, of celebrities, of people that

came in to sell their product on air. One out of every I don't know a thousand ever come back because it is so hard to hit the sales numbers because you're live on air and they know by the second if you're hitting sales numbers. And I remember watching this and this is for everyone listening right now. I remember watching over an eight year window, going what is

that commonality with the very few who make it? What is that the very few who get you know, hey, hit numbers, get invited back another time and eventually build something that lasts. What is that commonality? And I would just watch watch tens of thousands of from every the biggest brands in the world, the most famous people in the world, the greatest founders, and literally it was not who had the best product, It was not who is the most famous. It was not who's giving the best

discount or deal of the day, none of that. And it was not who's the most seasoned salesperson or television professional. The only thing they had in common, the very few who made it, was that they are the same on air when they are talking to customers and selling their product as they are off air in the green room. And it did not matter if they're extroverted or introverted, if they're quirky and out there in big personality or like really quiet and very like meticulate, it didn't matter.

It's the ones that were the exact same, because you cannot fake authenticity and customers and people sense it and feel it. Whether it's your online community or it's the people buying your pric it doesn't matter. And when I watch that, I'm like, this is the most freeing thing ever because it takes all the pressure off of feeling like you got to be something you're not, or you

got to show up as your representative. And I saw proof before my eyes in the form of literally success of conversion to sales of people trusting that person, like right before my eyes, year after year after year, that it does not matter how you show up, you just have to be authentic, like that's it, and how few people are and what I realized. The last thing I'll say is that that I realize this lesson that I try to live by every single day because I think

this applies to every area of our lives. That while authenticity alone does not automatically guarantee success, in authenticity guarantees failure every time over time in every area of our life. But when we embrace that, it's just all the pressure comes off and it just tastes like freedom, It feels like joy. So when we live in alignment with our assignment.

simple steps, life changing results. The book is available now. The link is available in the caption below. Please go and grab a copy of this book. You're going to love it. And I said earlier, Jamie is donating one hundred percent of our author proceeds for Worthy as well, and so you'll also be supporting a good cause. Jamie, thank you for coming onto on Purpose today. So grateful to call you a friends, so grateful to have you in the studio with us, and.