Taylor Tomlinson ON: The Quarter-Life Crisis & How to Let Go of Toxic Relationships

in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. Now you know that I get to sit down with a lot of exciting, interesting, fascinating people. But sometimes there's someone that I reach out to that I'm just a huge fan of. And actually it was my dear friend Adam Grant who gave me an excuse to reach out to this individual with an opportunity that he had for O I even forgot what it was, and

he's been an amazing guest on the podcast too. Just gave me an excuse to DM her and say, Hey, Taylor, would you like to do this thing? Which is my way of sneaking in and saying, Hey, can you come on the podcast too. I've been a huge fan of Today's Guest since her first special. Her Instagram or social media, her TikTok's incredible. I have sent her videos to my wife, my family, my friends, my trainer this morning. I mean, she's one of those people that as soon as I

watch her, I start laughing. I learned something new, and I just feel an incredible sense of joy. And in a few moments that she's walked into my home and into our studio, I love her even more. I'm speaking about the one and only Taylor Tomlinson, who began performing comedy when she was sixteen after her father signed her

up for a stand up class. She became a top ten finalist on the ninth season of NBC's Last Comics Standing in twenty fifteen, and was named one of the top ten comics to Watch by Variety at the twenty nineteen Just for Laughs Festival. Her first Netflix stand up special, which is Where I Discovered Her Quarter Life Crisis, premiered in March twenty twenty. In twenty twenty one, she started her own podcast called Sad in the City, and in the same year, she was placed on the Forbes thirty

Under thirty List. Now, her second stand up special, look at You, is now streaming on Netflix. I want you to go and watch it straight after this, and she will be at the La Netflix Comedy Festival show at the Eighth Theater on May sixth, twenty twenty two, so make sure you grab some tickets. Welcome to the show, Taylor, Tomlinson, Taylor, thank you so much, Thank you so much. We were just talking about this before we started recording, but I

was like, what am I doing here? Like, truly, your podcast is just full of so many interesting, wise people teaching you how to live a better life, and so to come in as a stand up comedian and You're like, I can't wait to learn things from you. I'm like, yeah, absolutely, I have so much to teach. I'm coming into this fully hoping to I almost brought a notebook to take notes, because that's how I feel every time I listen to

your podcast or watch any of your tech talks. Like I am still thinking about the video where you talk about checking your phone first thing in the morning, where you're like you wouldn't just have a hundred people come into your bedroom, And I'm like, oh, my God, that's exactly what you're doing every morning, and I'm still terrible at it, and I do it every morning, but every time I do it, I think about you telling me

not to. Yeah, well, I genuinely feel that. Not only do I laugh at everything you put out, I mean I can name my top three favorite moments in your special easily. I think for me, I also learned from you because I think what you do so phenomenally well, especially when it comes to love and relationships, but also life is You're able to get inside people's minds as to how they think about situations and how they navigate relationships and how they make certain decisions in their life.

And so I do think you teach. I'm not expecting you to teach. I want to laugh with you today. I want to get to know you better. This was just an excuse for me to be a fan and for me to hang out with someone that I admire and adore so much, and genuinely, from even a few moments we've spent, I'm just so happy meeting you, and I hope this kicks off a wonderful friendship. So that's kind of why I do this whole podcast, is to be able to lure people into being friends with me.

But I'm so excited. I want to start by talking about a lot of your journey because I think I discovered you, like I said, through your first special, you've been doing this for a lot longer than that. And then I kind of went backwards and I was like, oh, wait a minute, like this person's incredible and it's such

a fascinating story. And I am interested in stories because what we were just talking about now that sometimes when you see someone second Netflix special sold out tours, like you look at that person, Oh yeah, that they've they've always been that way. And when I look at you, I go, wait, wait a minute. Your father signed you up for a stand up class. Why did he do that? That sounds like a painful thing for a father to do.

I think a woman at our church wanted to do it and she told him about it, and then he brought me along thinking I could write for him maybe like oh wow, he was like more of a performer. So I'm very glad he did, you know, for whatever reason. And yeah, it is a very strange thing because I didn't.

I didn't get into this super intentionally, like it was something I sort of fell into as a result of just this one woman going I think I'm going to take the stand up class because she was like a retired school teacher and did some public speaking events and wanted to inject some humor into it. So it's funny how something as small as that, like an after service conversation,

just snowballed into my entire life, my entire career. And you and I were talking earlier about just you being very young as well, and you being so successful in what you do, and how it seems like, you know, maybe you've only been doing this for five years online, and You're like, but I've been doing this. There's seventeen years before that that I was teaching and interviewing and learning,

and I've had all these life experiences. And I think a lot of people look at my career similarly sometimes where they go, well, you you blew up very quickly, or you got all these opportunities very quickly, And I think I feel very self conscious about that sometimes because twenty eight is very lucky and young to have two Netflix specials. It was not something I ever anticipated achieving

at this age. I've just been very fortunate. But then I think back to when I actually started, and I'm like, oh, I've been doing this for twelve years, yes, so okay, it's not like I just started yesterday. But I think when you are younger than what people expect from someone doing what you do, there can sometimes be a little bit of like, oh, well, it's just been easy. Yeah, you just did it. Yeah. But I also find it

it's quite an untraditional journey. And it's so funny because we shared that my parents forced me to go to a public speaking class and drama class when I was eleven years old because they thought I was too shy and I didn't have any confidence, and so my parents signed me up to LANDA, which is the London Academy

of Music, Drama and Arts. And they said they forced the school to allow me in because they missed the sign up date or something like that, and they like begged and pleaded with one of the teachers saying, we really need our son to do this because he's shy and he doesn't have confidence. And now I look back and I think, wow, my parents made this amazing decision just like you said. That has impacted my whole life, and I think I would I wouldn't have had that

opportunity if I didn't do that. So but even for you, it's it's off to sermon off the service conversation like that sounds very untraditional, at least from my external ignorance. Oh. Absolutely, It's the thing people ask about the most because it's it's not an origin story. I think many stand up comedians have, and if they do have it, they are generally still in the church world because there is a

there is a comedy church circus. I mean, yeah, it's it's a different it's a different path that I did not choose to go down. Um, but yeah, I mean it's there are so many different ways to do stand up professionally. I think that's what we forget. Like I also had a year in my early twenties where I did like eight cruise ship weeks, which is a whole other thing, and there are comedians who only do that.

Like I feel like I've been very fortunate in my career that I have experienced kind of a lot of different pockets of this industry that is more than just getting the Netflix special, getting the HBO special. I've done corporates and I've done colleges. That's how I went full time. Initially, when I was twenty one or twenty is, I was doing all these college gigs. That's why I dropped out of college to go perform at colleges, which is sort

of funny, and cruise ships and churches. Yeah, I mean I've I've kind of done everything you could do, and then also all the bars and strange shows you do in backyards and whatnot. So yeah, it's there's a lot of different places to exist and do what you love to do. It's not just this one path that you see on TV or in movies or documentaries. So I think that's important for people to know as well who want to do something creative, whatever that may be, that

it can look like a lot of different things. Yeah, definitely, And I think you know on this podcast that we try and get into the psychology and mindset and the way people make shifts. And what I find fascinating about stand up comedy and what you do is that it really requires you to overcome some base fears, like the fears of what will people think, how will I look,

how will I be received? These are huge fears, and personally, I think stand up comics face one of the hardest things because it's like you're introducing this person is going to make you laugh, and this person is funny, and then it's like it's the expectation is so much higher. Talk to me about that first time or maybe something you learned in that stand up class that started to be that you started to be okay with that fear and dealing with that or did you never feel that

fear at all? Oh? I was terrified. I mean, do you feel like you were shy? Yeah? I was like it, like definitely massively. How long did it take for you to sort of feel like you weren't Or do you still feel on a base level you're shy and you've just figured out how to not act that way? Yeah?

I find that. So from eleven to eighteen, I went to public speaking of drama school, and those years gave me the skills, but I didn't have anything I was passionate to talk about until I lived as a monk, until I understood the wisdom the vaders that I studied and now I share. So to me, it was almost like you have a tool kit, but I never used

it because I still didn't feel confident. I actually got confidence because of what I was sharing I have so much more faith and confidence in the ideas I share than I do even in myself, and I think that's what gives me so much excitement and enthusiasm. But having said that now, I would say that even today, I feel really confident when on one on one with someone

and when we both know what role we play. But if I turn up to a random event that isn't my event, that is someone else's event, I will just try and find one person that I can have a really deep intimate conversation with, as opposed to go up to everyone and introduce myself and make sure that everyone knows I came to them. I'm not like that because

I feel more comfortable getting to know someone deeply. So I would still consider myself if it's my event, I'm not shy because I know what role I play there and I'm doing something. But I would say I'm shy when I'm at an event where I don't have a role. Does that make sense, Yeah, absolutely so. I think that I think that is on a base level. I'm an introvert. I feel the exact same way, and I felt like that for years and I still feel that way. I

think a lot of social anxiety. I think that when I started doing stand up, I always liked performing, but I once I found stand up, I was like, Oh, this is where I feel the best is on stage doing this thing. This is where I feel like myself. And actually, when I first started doing stand up, I felt like the version of myself that I was on stage was who I wanted to be in life all the time, but I couldn't because I was too shy

and I didn't have the confidence. And then at a certain point it became more true to who I was out in the world. And now I'm at this weird place where I'm like, is that even me? Is that the most is that the purest version of me? Is that the most sort of polished version of me? Like, it's very strange to be in this business and see so many videos of yourself and so many photos of yourself, and it can feel very like dysmorphic, where you're like, who who am is that? Who is that? That's not me?

Especially when you're you are achieving these goals you've always had, Like, you know, when I got on Conan or something like, I was like, I'm in the thing I've been watching for years since I was a kid, and you're it's sort of this strange out of body experience, but I was. I was terrified of performing when I first started doing stand up. I mean I felt sick, like physically sick for days before I went on stage. How did you push through that? Like, how did you get through that?

I just loved it so much that I I just wanted to do it more than I was scared to do it, which is sort of how you have to be if you are somebody who's not naturally extroverted or what have you. And I think really what helped is once I graduated high school and was doing stand up consistently in San Diego. Once you're doing multiple spots a night, it takes less pressure off of it and you don't

have as much time to be nervous. Kase, I'm sure you feel the same way where you're like I do a podcast every other day, Like I'm not gonna get nervous to meet somebody new again. It's a muscle. It's really just a muscle. And if I don't go on stage for a few weeks, which doesn't really happen, like when we had Lockdown and I didn't go on stage for five six months. The first time back on stage, even for a zoom audience, was terrifying, like it'll come

rushing right back. It's not like I'm like, oh, I'll just go on stage and I get nervous to do spots in town. I get nervous to try new stuff. I mean, I'm so lucky to be on this tour where people have paid money to see me, specifically, because for years it wasn't like that. For years it was people got free tickets or they got barked into a club in a mall and they were like, yeah, we'll go see comedy and maybe it's not what I want,

but we'll check it out. We'll give it a chance. Obviously, all of that makes it a little easier to go out on stage and know you have that grace period at the very least. But I think just the consistency and knowing that you can do the job, that's where you get the confidence, and like you said, you have more confidence in what you're saying. When I was first

starting out, I was a teenager. I didn't feel like I could talk about anything with any sort of yeah I and then I started talking about the fact that I had no wisdom or experience, and that's what quarter life crisis is. Because I was like, what am I going to talk about? How about the fact that I don't know anything? And so many people came up to me after shows going, oh, my gosh, that's exactly how I feel. I don't know what I'm doing. I hate

being this age. It's so confusing because I had always just assumed everyone's having a great time and their twenties, everybody's killing it. And I didn't have a traditional college experience because I dropped out to do stand up, so

I didn't feel like I was doing my youth correctly. Yeah, And so to start talking about that on stage, thinking it was like a new angle, and then to have everyone go, oh, we feel the exact same way, even like people who looked like they were killing it in that area, or I'm like, you look like you go out on the weekend and everything's awesome for you was really validating for me. And the same with the new

special Look at You. I mean, so much of it is about my own struggles with mental health and finding out that I was bipolar and all these different things, and losing my mom at a young age and getting the feedback from people that they relate to it or they've dealt with similar things, if not the same things in a selfish way. It makes you feel better about it, and it makes you feel more confident in talking about your own experiences because you know, with the Internet you

can find your audience. Now, maybe not everybody relates to what you're talking about or wants to hear you talk about something, but the people who do really appreciate it and really do connect with it. And so that's that's how I try to write now, as I just try to write about things that I want to talk about or I want to hear about and find other people

to relate to me about. Yeah, I love that your especially was called quarter life crisis because even in the work I do, I find that that is such a key pillar of a lot of people I connect with. So they're coming to you to laugh and understand and feel heard and resonated. And a lot of people were say to me, well, Jay, I'm stuck with where I

am or I don't like my career. What was that transition like of saying I'm okay with not going down the right correct path of staying at college completing, but I'm actually going to go and do something that I enjoy and love. Like, what was that transition like for you? Was it one welcomed by yourself and the people around you with excitement and joy or was it surrounded with worry and anxiety and a sense of, Oh, this is going to be tough for I'm actually scared about this.

I think when I left college, I had booked enough work that like I would have never just quit college to see, you know, Like I had enough work booked. I physically couldn't go to college anymore because at the time, the school I was at didn't have enough like online options, so I I just couldn't. And I had already taken a semester off to audition for all these colleges. There's something called NACA where you essentially auditioned for a bunch

of college bookers. And so I had booked like fifty colleges in the winter and spring, and I was like, oh, I'm going to be gone for like three weeks at a time, performing at these schools, mostly on the East Coast, So I can't. And I think I just told myself, well, you can go back, you can go back, and I told myself that for years. I told myself that until I got the first Netflix special. Once I got the first Netflix special, I was like, I think I don't

have to go back to school. And then the pandemic hit and I was like, maybe I do. So I really wasn't like all in like I was like, I held onto that because I was I was a good student. I really thought that I was going to college, I was going to finish, like a lot of it was tied up and like being a good kid, I suppose. So that wasn't something that I made a hard decision on. It was something that I sort of overtime accepted as

long as everything was going well in my career. What was harder, honestly, was just moving away from being a clean comedian, and that transition from I never performed in churches exclusively, and I didn't want to perform in churches exclusively or even mostly, but to move away from being somebody that could and was this like squeaky clean act that you know your family isn't embarrassed to watch or

anything was really difficult. And that took a couple of years as well, because there's a lot of internalized shame that comes with that and feeling like you're not good enough for the world you grew up in, but then also being too feeling too like inexperienced for this like rock and roll stand up world, because it's you know, I don't drink and I don't really I didn't really

do any drugs. Like, I just wasn't fun. So I was like, so, you're not gonna be clean and respectable, but you're also not gonna party like which is again a huge part of quarter life, as I was like, what am I doing? What am I doing? Because I'm I'm boring enough to be someone who should be like married right now, but I am not, Like where's my person? Like you know, it's just it's it's a strange time

in your life. And I've had friends tell me that somewhat harshly, where they were like, hey, I know you're complaining about whatever relationship not working out romantically, but your career is going really well and you are in your twenties. And people have this idea like everything's supposed to line up by whatever age they choose as the end the

end goal. And I was certainly guilty of that. And I've had friends very bluntly say like, hey, maybe just be happy with one area of your life going great, yeah, and trust that the other areas are going to catch up or focus on the other areas instead of this one that you've been pouring all of your energy into. That is probably the most real answer I've had to

that question. I really appreciate it because and that is such great advice, even though you didn't know you were giving advice, because when you started to talk about how when you made that shift, you always knew you could go back and that the next stage was developed instead of just throwing yourself into it. And I think those

are such healthy concepts. I mean, I even say, to my point at this even at the stage of my life, a sometimes be like, I can always go back to the corporate world if I need to say the bills, like just because and it's not I'm actually not joking about that at all. I genuinely say that because it gives me the freedom to not live in a what if world of well, what if this doesn't work? And

what if? It allows me to let go of that and say I would have an amazing life because I'm so fortunate to have had a great education that would have got me a particular job and a job that I had, or for you to say, hey, you know what, even beyond all this, I could go back to college

and study again. And I had a friend recently, and I'm encouraging a lot of my friends who are in that quarter life crisis where they're stuck in jobs they don't love, or they worked really hard for a career but it isn't what they wanted to do truly in their heart. They did it out of society pressure, family pressure, whatever it may have been. And a lot of them

are now making pivots. So one of them is at film school in LA one of them went on to actually become a stress coach for his own industry of law. And they're making these pivots at like potentially some of them between twenty five to thirty, some of them thirty to thirty five. And it's fascinating seeing their journeys because

it's exactly like what you're saying. They're like, oh, but I can go back if I need to, And going backwards isn't as taboo as we make it out to be, like we make it seem like, if you're not moving forwards, your life's falling apart, it's like sometimes you have to

go backwards to renavigate and reconfigure. And so I love that answer, and even more so, what I really appreciated about what you said towards the end there is the idea that when you're feeling accelerated progress in one area of your life, we've also been somewhat trained to believe that everything should move at the same time, and that your relationship and your career and this and I it's shocking to me how much we have in common despite

being very different people. So when you talked about switching, and I want to talk about that more for me. When I left being a monk, and which I lived as for three years as a fully ordained monk, most of it in India and living a very different life

to the life today. When I first left, I had so much shame and guilt about how I wanted to share what I'd learned, because I wanted to share it in a non sectarian, in a universal way, and I wanted to share it with anyone and everyone, without anyone feeling any pressure that they had to have a spiritual or religious belief to connect with my work and and that came with certain levels of criticism or or judgment too, because it's like, well, wait a minute, you are a

fully ordained monk who has studied these five thousand year old literatures and scriptures and texts, But wait a minute, you're not sharing those Like how does that fit? And I know it's different, but there's there's that similarity. I wonder how did you How did you get over that shame and guilt? Because I feel like that can be so restricting and I even know people in my own community who who would feel restricted by their judgment. How did you receive then? How did you have the confidence

again to break through that? And so well, this is still something I really want to do despite all of this. Yeah, I mean that is so interesting that you drew that comparison, because yeah, TikTok is about as far away from being a monk as you can't get. Literally. It's so interesting to me that, I mean, what a perfect example you are of a huge pivot. But still it's all connected and it's all leading to the next thing. Anyway, to your question, how did I get past all of that?

I have a lot of therapy, I suppose, I mean, when we were talking about you can always go back to what you were doing before. I think what you said was so great. I mean, yeah, I do think people see it as giving up, but actually it's it's really confidence. Yeah, it's you saying I'm confident enough that if this doesn't work out, I'll make it work. Yes, And if that means doing what I was doing before, that's fine. I have a good friend, Delaney Fisher, who

I used to do self help us with. She said to me when I was I think moving in with somebody. She had given a few of our friends this advice where she was like, you can always move out, like you can always it's okay if things don't work out. And I think we totally forget about that. As far as moving past, no shame of it. I will say, there is no like I can always go back to the church market like. That was not something I ever felt because that's a decision you make, and I felt

very good about that decision. But that is a small pool of comedians who can do that, and it is in some ways easier to achieve a certain level of financial success in that area. There's a ceiling on it, because you know, it's a it's a certain community. But I just knew that I wanted to talk about more difficult subjects, and yeah, I wanted to do jokes about sex, like I wanted to talk about whatever I wanted to

talk about. And the expectations are so rigid in church comedy, in any sort of church situation, because they just want you to be what they expect you to be all the time. It's not enough to just come in and be a clean comedian for an hour. They want you to be a Christian all the time. They want you to be a role model and a perfect public figure. And I would open for people and they would get emails from someone going why. I saw her do a set somewhere and she said damn, And I was like,

I cannot stay here. This is not sustainable. Even if I try to be perfect, I'm gonna slip up. Yeah, And I don't want to feel this the rest of my life. And I wasn't sure that I believed in Christianity. I just didn't. I had felt that way since I was a kid. My mom passed away when I was eight, and as soon as she did, something kind of shifted in me where I realized nobody knew for sure. My family's very religious, and a lot of people I grew

up around, and I love my family. I've very open minded, extended family, but a lot of people I grew up around act as if they know for sure what happens, what the answers are as far as religion goes, and I just realized, like, oh, nobody really knows. And while I feel very open to the possibility of something else, something greater, I know that even if I devote my entire life to it, I will never figure out exactly what it is. And so that always rubbed me the

wrong way. And I didn't like the way that it can be used to judge and manipulate people, and I just I just wasn't what they wanted, and I started to feel like I was lying to anybody who hired me in that space. So at a certain point, I got taken off of a show for something I tweeted that had like innuendo in it, and I just told my manager. I was like, if we get any offers for churches, I can't do it. And then they sent me a few more, like it's as much money do

you want to do it? And I was like, I can't. It's it's all or nothing with them, and that's fine. They can. They can make those those demands for whoever they want. Those people exist, Those people absolutely exist. Um, My friend Dustin Nickerson, who goes on the road with me, is very clean and can perform literally anywhere, and that's who should be doing. You know, certain gigs that I'm not right for. I mean, you don't. You don't have to be right for every single thing. And yes, it's

okay if you're not right for a certain role. Yeah, definitely. I think that's great advice and it gives you such an again freedom to recognize there is an audience for what you want to do. It does exist. It may be smaller and maybe larger, or may be different, it may be here, but but there is one you touched on there and you mentioned it earlier obviously, like losing your mother at eight years old, and I, you know, I can't begin to imagine or understand what that feels

like as an experience. You said that that was one of the things that opened up. Was what else was there that that opened up for you? It sounds like you've spent a long time with therapy and reflection and being on a journey with that. What would you feel comfortable sharing with us that that opened up for you? Oh, I mean I talk about it a lot in the

new special. It's it is such a it's it's the most important thing that happened to me, you know, not the best thing that ever happened to me, but it's, if anything, it's the worst thing that ever happened to me. And it's it's hard to I don't know who I would have been if that didn't happen, Like, I don't think I would have been the same person. I mean

I have. I had a conversation with my therapist the other day where I was like, it's so funny because my aunt or my grandma will say things like your mom would have thought this was so cool. Your mom would have been like in the front row, And I go, I don't know that i'd be doing this if Mom was still here, Like would I have? I certainly wouldn't have lived where I lived because my dad got remarried and that's why we lived there, and that's why I took that class, is because we were in that area

where that woman suggested it. So who knows, maybe I would have found it, but also maybe I would have written children's books, which is what I wanted to do when I was younger. So I don't know. It's it's so strange to be sad that a parent isn't here to see your success, but also know that a big reason you're successful is this drive to become somebody they would have been proud of, or like it's weird. I'm like chasing the approval of a ghost in a way.

But then when you achieve those things, you're there's there's a sadness to all of it because you go, oh, this is this doesn't really feel that that whole I guess,

but I do think it. It's certainly it made a lot of things much more difficult, and I'm sure it made me shire and I'm sure it made me very made me very very anxious, and it bursts that bubble a lot of kids have, maybe not kids now because they live through a pandemic, but a lot of kids have where you think you're invinced and nothing bad's going to happen to you, and when something like that happens to you really young, you're like, okay, yeah, so at any moment, the piano could fall in my head or

someone else's head that I love. So that's sort of when I like started having really bad nightmares, which I still have. And it definitely affected me in so many ways. But the positive ways that affected me is I think it made me. I think it made me more empathetic.

I think it made me a hard worker. I think when something tragic happens to you as a child, you sort of retreat into your imagination because you have to, which I'm sure made me more creative because living in my head was better than living out in the world where my mom was dead. So yeah, I think. I think as I've gotten older, I've learned to find the positive aspects of that loss that exists alongside the really difficult things about it. Thank you so much for sharing that,

by the way. Yeah, you know, I find it so it's so incredible to hear just the journey you've been on and from that experience and just and it's and to me, it's not about you know, the positive or the negative or how it feels. It's just interesting to hear you think about it openly and and I can hear just how much how much work that's taken and what that process looks like, and I really appreciate you sharing that with us, Like genuinely, it's it's so inspiring

and it's hope giving. And I know that you know that we countless people who are listening right now who who just feels so connected to that. So thank you so much for going there and sharing that. Oh, thank you. Yeah. Yeah, I think when I was growing up it was so hard to tell other people. But again, it feels like such an important thing to know about about you. But I'm it made other people uncomfortable who hadn't experienced death or loss. So then you're like, do I just tell

them my parents are separated? Do I just kind of skirt around the issue. And I it took years of like almost like rehearsing with people how to give them that information in in a palatable way. Yeah, exactly. No, it's such an important part of the story to understand someone and to be able to receive them and connect with them properly. No, I'm so grateful you spoke about it, and I want to I want to go in another totally very different direction now, but only because you said

something earlier. I'm trying to bring it back. So we were talking about love and relationships and even that relationship with your mother and with your parents is so important and how it impacts your relationships moving forward. One of your favorite clips that I love is where you talk about I believe it's the boyfriend who cheated on you in your head and that clip to me, I've sent that clip to more people than I could possibly imagine.

And I have a funny story to tell that I don't think I've ever shared publicly, but I have to share it with you. So I've had a very clear value around cheating my whole life that if someone was to cheat on me, or if I was to cheat on someone, I don't think i'm personally It's not that I don't believe I'm capable. I don't feel enthusiastic about trying to continue on that path because to me, it's such a big core value of who I am. Again, I don't project down to anyone. I wouldn't judge anyone

for staying with someone or breaking up. It's everyone's personal choice. That's where my personal choice stands. And my wife knows that, and we've had this conversation. We've been together now nearly ten years and married for six and so we've known this for a long time, and so me and my wife do this thing what we used to do before

the pandemic. We haven't done it since, but we used to do this thing with every thirty days, we would drive somewhere three hours from where we live and stay somewhere like an airbnb or wherever we can for three days. We'd lock our phones in a safe and we just spend time together because we found that every week we got so busy and I have a crazy schedule and so does she, and so like on a weeknight, it's like,

you're not really getting that deep into my connection. And then the weekend comes and maybe you see friends and maybe you see family or whatever, and time just flies. And then all of a sudden, you've been married for ten years or longer, and you're like, well, do I even know this person that well? And I saw that

in the people I coached. I saw that in the people I worked with, and I was like, okay, well, what's a habit or I love coming up with like these and I love numbers, and so it was like thirty days, three hours, three days, and so we're on this one of these journeys and We're driving off three hours and we're listening to music. And this may surprise people, but we're listening to Future the Rapper. Right, it's me and my wife as sitting listen to music. We're listen

to Future the Rapper. For whatever reason, I have no idea. I do not know him. I've never met him. We're listening to Future on the way. We get to the hotel that was staying at and then we maybe watched a movie and went to bed. And I wake up in the morning and I've had this dream that my wife is having Futures baby and she's in the shower. I can hear her that she's in the shower in the hotel room, and I wake up and it feels real. So I wake up and there's no part of me

that is cognizant that that was a dream. I am fully in the reality that my wife, rather this you know, beautiful, abundant human being, has had an affair with Future of all people, and now she's pregnant with Futures baby. And I woke up with like this brick on my heart, Like that's how it felt like. It genuinely felt like there's this massive brick on my heart and it was weighing me down. And in my head, I said, I want to take care of that baby, like it's mine.

Like I was just like I just have to, Like I was just like, I love my wife so much, like I love her. And it was so weird because I have this value and then when you think that this thing has happened, all of a sudden, that not that value has gone out of the window, but that my love and my connection and attachment to my wife was stronger. And she she was The hotel room had one of those like you know, there's window doors that open into the from the shower, bathroom into like the

bedroom area. So she opened she looked at me, She's like, are you okay. I was like, oh, I just had a dream that you were having futures baby, and she just burst out laughing at me. She was just cracking up. And and I've never told that story anywhere else apart

from now, apart from to friends and stuff. But it's it's fascinating to me how interesting it is that we can have these views on love, we can have these perceptions of love, and then when you get into a relationship, how these perceptions can change how other people's music, thoughts, ideas infiltrate our mind and dreams and messages and all of that. I wonder for you, what have been some of the would you say, misconceptions on love that you think you had growing up that had been broken down?

Know that through your comedy that you've learned, or maybe you've heard an amazing story from a fan at an event that has sparked some thoughts. But I'm always fascinated by things that we believe to be true about love. But as we grow, oh do we go, oh, they're they're not the truth? Does that make sense? Yeah? Absolutely? Um, it's so funny you say that. I have a friend who's been in a relationship for I believe seven years now and is like my oldest friend. And I had

I had asked her a similar question. I don't remember when, but I had asked her, you know, what would you do if your partner cheated on you? And she was like, Honestly, at this point, I love him so much, I trust him so much. I would probably go to therapy and figure out why it happens. Yeah. And I was like, oh, but you wouldn't just leave? And she was like, no, She's like not at this point, like we've just been through so much together. I would there. She's like, I

know him so well. If he did that, I would know there was a reason, yes, and we need to figure out that reason. Oh my gosh. And I was like, oh, okay, so we're all mature now. Like I think, I thought, well, my friends in this relationship, that relationship, they don't fight, or this would never happen in so and so's relationship. And then as I've gotten older and I've dated more people, I've I've spoken to friends of mine and said like, well this happened, and they go, oh, we we dealt

with that. Yeah, like we had the same thing, or my partner did something like that, or I did something like that, and it took a while for us to unlearn it and get through it. And that's I think the hardest thing about dating in your twenties and honestly into your thirties now as people are getting married later, it's so hard to know what is like a deal breaker yes, and what is something that you can work through.

And I think the thing I've learned from friends of mine and truly talking to audience members, because I do ask people who have been married a long time for advice, and most of the time they're like, we don't have any move on. We just didn't leave. We know that. But so many people, it just seems like, find somebody that they love so much, they're like, well, I'm gonna make it work with you. Yes, and whatever things I had in my brain of if this happens, I'm gone.

If this happens, I'll never get over it. Once you find somebody that you love and respect so much and you've been through enough with them, if you trust somebody, and I feel this way with friends of mine, I should say that because I don't have that marriage or partnership that I can point to in my own life. But I have several friends who I've had for a very long time, who are there for me so consistently that when they hurt me or disappoint me, it is

over very quickly. Because I'm like your family, and you have been there for me so many times, Hurting me once is not going to phase me. Whereas if somebody that I didn't trust as much or hadn't been there for me for as long or as deeply did the exact same thing, we would not have a relationship anymore, or we would be acquaintances now. So it is so

dependent on the relationship you have with the other person. Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely, And that's what I mean that For me, it just you know, ultimately it's knowing your value, but then having compassion for other people's values, because I think it's so easy to project your own ideas of what someone should do and how they should react, and yeah, what's a good boundary for themselves and then almost going well, wait a minute, like just gonna have compassion and empathy for

that person's decision and their relationship with that person. But when you look for I'm interested by by dating in relationships a lot myself because it's a part of my work. It's part of my coach is you know, it's part of what I think about. What have been the funniest, most interesting date situations you've been in? All ones that have given you hope or ones that have broken your hope, or anything that you feel to share. Well, it's so funny you bring up that joke from Quarter Life, because

I love that lad. It's so funny because in the new special, I have a joke about an X cheating on me, and it's that guy that I talked about where I go, well, he never cheated on I say, I do that joke where I say he cheated on me in my head and I go, no, he never cheated on me, but he did this thing. That guy did cheat on me, and he told me after I

filmed that special. Yes, he finally told me, and it was like obviously years later, but like he and I had dated on and off for years and he had sworn up and down then he never cheated on me and really made me feel crazy and to his credit, apologized very late, but really like send me this long apology where I was like, I was gaslighting you, like I really a beautiful I almost made it my iPhone background.

It's all you want is just I was wrong and I guess lighted you and we're like yes, but also really messed with my head because i'd been in therapy going. You know, I always was so suspicious of this guy and he never did anything, and I just created into my head. So for them later and for him later to be like, no, I was and you were right, and I'm sorry. I just pay for my therapy, right, But also I got so many jokes out of that relationship. I really can't. I really can't be mad. I have

no regrets. But after he you know what's funny in terms of like I thought that if somebody cheated on me, I would hate them and never speak to them again, and especially in that way, which is pretty messed up. Um, But there's obviously more to the story circumstantially that contextualized it for me. M. But if you had just told me ten years ago, like, this is what's going to happen with this person, I would have been like, well,

I'm going to hate them forever. And once he told me that, that's what happened, and I did know him so well and I knew what he was going through and what he was dealing with. Um, I think it actually improved not our relationship because we don't really have a relationship, but improved our feelings about each other in a you know, just just an existing in the world as memories to one another. Like I wasn't angry at

him anymore because I finally knew for sure. And it does take a lot to admit to somebody that you did that. Yeah, And you can judge however long it took or the way in which it was said, or whatever you want. But at the end of the day, I was like, you know what, this is somebody who was really important to me and really encouraged me in my career and really yes, hurt me in some pretty

deep ways but also made me better. Yeah, And I felt like I was able to sort of put that chapter of my life to bed and really care about him as a human being. And I had just lived longer, and I had made my own mistakes and other relationships, and obviously I made my own my own mistakes in that relationship with him that we're not okay. So I think time, age, compassion and empathy comes with all of that. I had this really strange vision while you were saying

all this deep, profound stuff. I was like, how amazing would it be to see you making this joke next to this clip of you talking right now? And I'm just like, literally, I like, Taylor, like you this ature, amazing individual. And when I see you on stage, you like this, you know, you're like picking fights with everyone. I love it, and I love that, and I love that.

I love that paradox too, Like I love that you're able to speak so lightly of so many of these things, and of course, you know, make so many millions of people laugh. But at the same time, when I'm getting to know you today, it's it's fascinating to hear just how much thought and maturity and work and reflection because what you just said is so massively evolved. I mean, look, I wouldn't have raised future's baby. I'm like, you're okay

over there. Literally that was like the only thing I said, Oh my god, Like I literally felt that, Like it was I felt it in my gut because yeah, because I was less my wife's baby. I love it so much. It was just, yeah, it was just one of those moments. But I'm glad it's not true. Of course. Did you see the video on TikTok that went viral about that girl being walked down the aisle by her stepdad. It

was the exact same thing. She was like, my mom had an affair and got pregnant with me, and my stepdad raised me, and he is my dad, and this is him walking me down the aisle. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's just yeah, that's the kind of that's the real life version, right. You can have all these ideas and thoughts in your head and make all these commitments to yourself and then it happens and then yeah, yeah you change. No.

I love that. I think if if if Taylor Thompson had any dating relationship advice mistakes thoughts, what would they be right now? Oh, my advice is to not listen to stand up comedians for relationship advice. My advice is to listen to your podcast and follow whatever you and

your wife are doing. Um, I don't know. I'm currently in this place in my life where I'm sort of coming to and I'd like to talk about this on stage in the new where I'm working on is I. I have been in sort of like back to back relationships throughout my entire adult life in a way that

I don't think is particularly healthy. And I have had friends I have a new joke in the Hour about you know, a lot of my friends were like, you should maybe be single for a bit and maybe get a cat or something, and I was like, hard pass. Cats don't make me feel good about myself. But I am. I am reaching a point now where I'm like, Okay, we've put off doing this work on being alone for a long time, and I think you need to do it now. And it is so difficult because I'm I'm

not I'm not a casual person. I'm much like you where if I'm at an event, I want to talk to one person. So I'm not like that in any of my relationships, friendships or otherwise. So I'm generally in a relationship. If I'm dating, I'm not like a casual dater or I don't have that in me. But as a result, I'm always getting into these you know, year

to two year things. And I I've also just been so focused on my career, so anytime something wasn't working out or I was having problems with somebody, I was like, well, I can always focus on my career and that's fine, and focus on the next relationship. And now I've reached this level that I truly always dreamed of, like doing a theater tour and having specials on net, like that is all I have ever wanted, And if nothing else happened from here on out, that is, this is more

than I could have ever dreamed of. And so now I'm like, maybe it's time to get some hobbies. Maybe it's time, maybe it's time to work on who you are as a person, Like you're very good at comedy, maybe get good at I don't know, forgiveness, like maybe just work on that. So yeah, I think, you know, what's that quote that people say, like you have to be somebody that you would want to be with forever, Like I do think that I have had moments of that over the years, but i'd like to really I'd

like to really focus on that. And I don't agree with the statement a lot of people make, which is you have to be totally okay by yourself before you get into relationship. I know so many people who got into a relationship three days after they ended one and they've been together for ten years. I know so many people who gone to relationship when they were really not in a good place financially, spiritually, whatever, and now they've been together for twenty years. I think it is so

case by case. But I do think that if you can show up for yourself and take care of yourself, you are going to show up for and take care of someone else much better and not put so much

on them to take care of you. And I would like to, I think, before I get into a relationship again, which I don't know when I'm going to be comfortable doing that I would like to feel like I am someone who brings a lot to the table, not just in a purely superficial way of like, look how much I've achieved, Like my career is going well, which for a long time, I think, on some unconscious level, I thought that if I achieved all of my career goals, I would be proving to someone whoever it was, that

I was like worth loving, like I was worth being with. Yes, And then you achieve all those things and you reach that place and you're like, oh, this didn't this didn't do it. Yeah, that's not what it's about. So I'm really trying to focus on that right now. I'm trying to focus on who I am as opposed to what I've done, because that has not been my approach the

last ten years to my life. And to go back to my mom dying young, I mean I talked about that in the special as well as like I had this irrational belief that I was going to die at thirty four, because that's when she died. And it's very common. A lot of people have it when they lose their parents, even if their parents are you know, fifty five, when they when they pass they get nervous coming up to that age. And then if you I've heard, if you get to that age and you surpass it, you you

actually feel sort of guilty. You have like survivor's skill, so I have that to look forward to. But I think that was not just affecting my career goals. It was affecting my personal goals as well. Where I thought I only have this amount of time, not even from a fertility standpoint, from just a this is what I'm going to die, Yeah, that I have to rush everything and I have to become this ideal person, and that's

not how you become your highest self as it turns out. Yeah, I mean, you know when you said that, I'm like listening to you today going I think, I think, Taylor, you you really do know who you are, and there's there's so much you know, there has been so much

investment in that part of yourself. Yes, there's been, of course, amazing acceleration in your career, but from the little time we've spent together today, I'm I'm I'm hearing so much self awareness and you know, so much great introspection and so much amazing energy around that. So thank you. I'm sorry. If I'm rambling, No you're not. I'm no, no, no, you're not rambling at all. I mean, I'm also reflecting

back on what you just said. And it gives me great reassurance in hearing that because something I ask a lot of clients to do in the relationshipship spaces. I asked them to write down the amount of days in their adult life or years in their adult life that they've spent single versus they've spent in relationships. And when you look at those two numbers next to each other, I know people that are fifty five who will say that the amount of time they've spent in their adult life.

Of course, because we all, no one's dating when they're born, right, Well maybe not right, So I'm like, yeah, but the idea that in their adult life, even people who are fifty five sixty fifty five is probably where people that I've spoken to they would say that they've spent six months alone max in their whole adult life. Yeah. Alone as in single, without being in some sort of relationship.

And when you hear that, and when I started to think about it, for me, those three years living as a monk of being single, of course, but I look back at those and I think, wow, those were like really important formative years in my relationship with myself. And I fully agree with you too that that never stops or is never complete. So it's not like check did that. Now I'm ready for a relationship. I have completed level

one of life, but I've started level one of life. Yeah, And I think that's you know, going back to your point that you're not going to fully love yourself and be good alone before you can be in a relationship. But you've started that journey to some degree, and ultimately all that does is it removes certain obstacles, right, So someone could definitely go from one relationship to another and

they could be together. It's just we would remove certain obstacles if both people had had done a little bit of self work, and that's all that's all it is. But it's never that. Yes, you come to a relationship as this perfectly complete person. That is just a romantic view of what it looks like. And I saw that with me and my wife, like you know, when when

we met and we fell in love as well. And you know, falling in love is not a logical you know, you're not planning it all out and you're not logically going through the steps. There's attraction, and then there's a faction, and then all of a sudden, there's attachment, and you're like, Okay, I think I love this person, and then now I'm like, wow, I think sometimes when I proposed to my wife, I didn't really know her compared to the person I know today,

I'm like, I didn't know her. And I think the problem becomes when we think we know before and then we stopped trying to know, and so you kind of go, yeah, I know who my partner is. We got married, and then it's like, but I've never tried to get to know them again. And for me it's been the other way around. We're like, yeah, we dated and we were together for four years before we got married, to plenty of time. But I'd say I've learned more in the last six of being married than I ever did in

the first four. So the knowing of that person was far more important than the belief that I already knew them well. And you're both changing all the time and the time. That's the thing. When people are like, well, they're not who I married, it's like, of course, no,

of course not Yeah, of course that you're not. They're married, right, like like me talking like I know, I'm like the marriage is like this, Uh yeah, I think that it's It's interesting what you said about the time that people spend actually alone as adults, because I've I've spoken to friends of mine who have gotten out of really long relationships, like that's such a that's such a common thing that I've never experienced where you know, somebody was with somebody

for the bulk of their young adulthood, like maybe someone was with someone for eight years and their twenties and then they break up, which seems so devastating because I've never been in something that long that ended, or you know, people get divorced after however many years, and and those friends realizing like, oh I didn't I never lived alone, Like I've never lived alone, and I'm in my thirties now, and I'm sort of in a similar place where I'm

kind of like surprised how much I'm appreciating it right now, Like I'm really I'm really like every night, I'm like, oh, I can just do whatever I want. And I love being a relationship. I love being in a relationship. I love the people I've been in relationships with I love hanging out with someone. I love having that person to talk to and share with and because you really do

just become best friends with that person. But I have spent very little time just with myself, and I really have spent years like dreading it when I'm like, I don't I can't imagine just coming home at night or going back to the hotel after shows, because that's very lonely, and just like being by myself and not having someone to call, not having someone to watch a movie with. And now I'm like, oh, this is actually kind of peaceful. Like I was so scared to not have someone else

to count on, but I still have meade account on. Yeah, And when we don't have that, those are the triggers that come out. I mean, even in marriage, like right now, I won't have seen my wife for the first four months of this year. She's in London working on stuff. I'm in LA. She can't be in LA right now for the work she's doing, and I can't be in London. And so I'd say in our marriage, we've spent probably before pandemic, we spent completely together, which was wonderful. We

loved it. It was actually great for us. But before that, I would say that we've spent at least three to six months apart a year because of work on and off, not always in one go. This time it's been in one go, and I miss her. I cannot wait for her to come back, Like I feel like I have to throw her a party when she comes back because

I miss her so much. But at the same time, I'm also really happy because she's been able to focus and I've been able to focus, and we've had this moment to really go all in on our careers again and then to come back again and be together and

go all in on that. And it's just I think it's so healthy because marriage will also demand separation, especially with careers that we have, where you could be on tour again and you know, and you're in a relationship, and so that aspect of coming home alone is such a hell. Even now, like I've I mean, we were together every day for two years, you're in the pandemic,

and now we've been apart for four months. It took days to get used to the fact that I didn't have someone's head on my chest going to sleep, Like just that process of like wow, like even I was like, well, I need to get a weighted blanket or I need to get put that brick back on my heart something like to feel like that weight like future. Yeah, yeah, exactly, yeah, because it was just not it was it was so strange because of habit, of course, and the habit with that,

but you raised something really interesting. And I've actually not had the fortune yet to go on tour. I do a lot of events speaking, but I haven't been able to go on tour because I was meant to when my book came out in twenty twenty and then I didn't. But I do remember starklely and I work with a lot of musicians and artists who performed to many, many people on stage, and they always told me about that

lonely journey home. And I've had very few experiences of it, but when I have, it really did hit me that when you have an audience of people that are fully immersed and everything you're saying and showing you so much love and showing you so much energy, and you dropped every joke right and everything fell and everyone's just in place, and you have this meat and greet and everyone just showers you with more love and tells you how much day connected. And then you get into that car ride

back home alone. It's a really really strange feeling, right, and you brought it up there and that's why I remember that. And I remember I got home and my wife had thrown me a party with all our closest friends as a surprise for when I got home, and I didn't even know, but it was really fascinating. I remember that drive. I was at the Ace. I performed at the Ace, which was the only show I've ever done,

which is my own show. And then when I drove home alone in just a hired car, it was really interesting to see that settle down and be happy with myself in that moment. Walk us through how it's felt for you, because I do think that when we live in a world where you're showered with validation and attention and to then leave it hopefully hopefully yeah, hopefully, but when when you shout with that genuine love from a lot. I know that my community, I feel so much genuine

love from them. But when you go home, you've got to have that relationship with yourself. Can you just walk us through that bit? I want to hear about it from your thoughts, oh man, I mean are in terms of like being on the road and going back to

a hotel. I feel like that is such a unique experience because not everyone performs on stage and not everyone it's not going home from a party is one thing, but going home from a party that was you on stage and everyone right, it's it's just really into and I'm always fascinated about hearing about that lonely journey for

artists on the way home. Yeah, there is sort of like a physical at least for me, I feel like there's a heavy sort of like, yeah, after I get off stage and now on this you know this tour, I'm usually doing like a meet and greet afterward, and so that's sort of like a little extension of the show, is how it feels, because you're you are meeting people face to face and taking pictures and sometimes hearing very

personal things from them. I guess it depends because some days are very hectic where you're just traveling all day and then you have to go on stage and you're kind of like just frantic, this this frantic energy all day and so when you hit like ten pm and you're back in a car or in a hotel room. It's so nice to just finally be still and quiet and not have anybody looking at you, you know, like, oh,

everyone was looking at me for a long time. I mean, I have really strange moments where I almost feel like I'm like outside of my body on stage, where sometimes I'm like, I'm everyone there's fifteen hundred people here just sitting yeah, quietly looking at me while I talk Like do you have that every where? You're just and you're just in sort of you kind of go into almost like autopie while you just sort of watch your hands move and gesture to ideas you have, and it's it's

so I'm so incredibly grateful for it. I can't imagine. I couldn't have imagined that. I don't know. I'm obviously at the lost words, but it's such a strange feeling to have all of that love and validation coming at you, as you said, and then just be back to being you. Yeah, because that's a version of you. Yeah, but it's not it's not that, it's not you. And then people say like, well, that's not who you really are, that's not I'm like, no, that is who I really am. But it's a piece

of me. Yeah, it's a it's a mode I go into. So it's not that like, well they like me. But in my in my darker moments, I've talked about this in therapy. I go sometimes I feel like people only like me for this, like trick I can do and she goes, But it's not really a trick. It's a skill you have. Yeah, it's a it's a job you do. And so that makes me feel better. But sometimes I feel so like, you know, because nobody knows you really. Yeah, like they think they know you, especially like doing a

podcast like this. I'm sure your listeners feel like they just know who you are, Yeah, but nobody actually does. I mean it's it's a strange, lonely space that's hard to explain yeah to people. I thought that was a good explanation, And yeah, I think a study I was. I was looking into this. I was like, because I was, I love building new friendships and new connections and deepening relationships.

And I really enjoyed that as and even as I get older, because I find that a lot of the friends I grew up with life changes and you move on. And I've moved city twice. I lived in New York.

I now live in LA I lived in India for a time, so my life's been very fragmented, and so I've had to rebuild community and family wherever I've landed, and so I really value that as something I try and invest in, especially when I think about one day having children and wanting them to have other children to play with and people's homes to go to and things like that. I think there's an issue when you say

this is me or this isn't me. So it's like when you say this person on stage or this person who plays on the field or on the court, that's me. That's me, that's all of me, or the opposite where we go, that's not the real me. This is the real me when I'm on my couch and I'm in sweats, and you put it perfectly, you said, no both of me, and that's just reality. Like if I'm am I silly and goofy with RADI my wife, Yeah I am? But am I also really thoughtful and intentional and focused in

my meditation? Yes I am? And do I love being on stage? Yes I do. Do I love business and strategy and growth? Yes? Do I love being among and being really simple and minimalists. Yes I love all of those things, and yes they're paradoxes and oxymorons and contradictions. But I've learned, as time's gone on, to stop trying to force myself to choose one and accept all parts

of myself. And that has been the most freeing, the most authentic version I can find when I'm not forcing myself to live one truth and accept that I'm just made of a bunch of them and that's okay. Like I don't have to live a certain way or act a certain way to fall because I don't feel happy there. If I was forced to either be one or the other, I think I'd be really sad. And I consider myself

to be quite a joyful, content individual. And I would say that's because I've allowed myself to be okay with the paradoxes within me, if that makes sense. And even with you, like when I'm listening to you, I'm going there's there's a paradox right here where it's like a lot of people talk about how stand up comedians use, you know, use comedy to heal and cope and deal with things. I think that's been like a long term myth that kind of gets thrown around, probably a bit

too much without ever asking people in the industry. And then when I look at you, I'm like, but here's someone who's doing like therapy and work behind the scenes and like thinking about it, and then the comedy is more expressed through that learning as well and all of that with that, how do you find that because you mentioned earlier obviously in the new special, you speak about bipolo and you speak about mental health a lot more in your work, but you've been doing mental health work.

So I'm so at least and I don't want to assume anything I'm asking. It sounds like comedy to you is not an outlet or a healing tool or expressive too. I guess it's more of an expression tool than it is a healing tool. Yeah, I feel, yeah, sorry if I'm messing up the question. But no, no, no, not

at all. I think what's funny is I think maybe I used to think it was a healing tool, not in that this is where I talk about it, but I think I thought that if I could make fun of something or turn something into a joke, then that would be the same as me getting over it, right, Like that's dealt with because it's a joke now, Like I turned this into my career. This has turned into something that's going to make me money, So now it's

not a bad thing that happened to me. It is an experience that I turned into something that other people enjoy. And you know, I think in that way I thought I was saying, But in going to therapy consistently and seeing both a therapist and a psychiatrist and recognizing that just because you know something about yourself doesn't mean you've dealt with it, yea completely. Like I was so upset when I figured out that knowing something logically did not mean that it was heeled. I was like, well, if

I just untangle it, I'll be great now. But it's all that stuff about trauma living in your body and what it's like you like, But I know what this is. I know this is a traumatic response to X, Y, and Z that happened to me. Why am I still feeling the brick on my chest? Because it's it's more than just something you intellectualize. It is a physical, emotional, emotional, spiritual thing that you have to work through and spend a lot of time working through, not just figuring it

out and going awesome, So that's done. Check the box. So I think that especially with this special, I at first I wasn't going to do any jokes about some of the aspects of my mental health journey in the last couple of years. And then I think my brain just works this way where I just kind of thinking jokes. As soon as I started thinking of jokes, I was like, maybe I should try these yah, And I was like,

I won't do them, but I'll try them. And then once I started doing jokes about it, I started getting messages from people who were like, oh my gosh, I just got diagnosed with this, or I've been trying to get on antidepressants, or or I've been feeling this way, or you really encourage me to go back to therapy. And I was like, okay, then you just do it. But I was really nervous before the special came out. I was like, did I share too much? Did I

put too much out there? But my therapist is like, you're you are doing the work, like it's that's what I'm seeing. Yeah, So I think as long as you're doing the work, it's it's not gonna be fixed by you. Posting about it on social media or even talking to friends about it like you're good, like you are going to have to do that work privately, So I think. I think that's the only way that I've I've been able to talk about it in my material. And I wish I was more of like a I don't know,

just generally observational comedian, but I'm not. I draw from my own life and I write about stuff I'm going through because again, I'm insecure about talking about things I have no experience with. So that's just kind of kind of how I come at it and the sort of the sort of writer I am. I suppose it comes out great. I love it, and I love what you said that, Like like when you said I think in jokes, I get that because you think in jokes. I think

in quotes, and it makes sense. Like whenever I hear something, I'm like, Okay, how do I turn that into something really memorable and simple that I will keep in my brain that allows me to use it as a tool later on, And that's kind of how I think. And then I think, okay, well, how do I find a quote or hear a quote or share a quote with my audience so that they can remember it, so that

that clarifies an idea for them as well. And so it makes sense because you're like, Okay, well, how do I make it funny so that it's memorable from it so that you remember they remember it. So that feels very real. I get that, like that's how you try, and it's almost like that's how you try and capture an idea so that it sticks and stays and become some of that people can share. But Taylor, you've been so generous and kind with your time. It's been such

a joy getting to know you today. Honestly, it really has. Oh this was so nice. This is not like most podcasts. I try to leave a cushion afterward to sort of recovery as an introvert, where you're like, okay, I gotta and this was just like refreshing, and this was like really just felt like hanging out with them, and I wanted to hang out with Oh. I feel like invigorated after this is so nice. Oh wow, that means the

world to me. Thank you so much. No, genuinely, Like as I said, I've been such a huge fan for such a long time and to get to know you today is just it's it's even better than I thought it was going to be because I feel like I already had high expectations and that's what I'm saying, that you just blew through them and just who you are as a human and how you think about things and how you're making this like it's just it's amazing, and I'm so grateful that you said yes to come in

on the show and being here. We end every on Purpose episode with a final five, which is meant to be a fast five, which I always ruined because I get intrigued. But I will try and do it fast with you. So these are five questions I have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum okay, and I will ruin it. So's it's my job to ruin it, and you pretend to try and stick to the yes. Okay. So question number one is what is the best advice you've ever received? You can always change

your mind. Nice, that's a that's a great piece of We've never had that. That's a great piece of advice. Yes, I found a new one. Yeah you did. Yeah, that's a great I love that. What's the worst piece of advice you've ever received. If you take time off, everyone might forget about you. Wow, that's so good, true love. That's not great, that's that really. I just remember that because it really tapped into like the workaholic in me.

Yeah that I've always Yeah I've not always, but I've really tried to move away from so the idea that somebody would say my worst fear out loud, Yeah, definitely. I Mean when I first came in and I was first started coaching here, I had talent told me that they were told by their first manager that you look, you've got a three year career. Yes, you've got a three year career. You've got to make the most of

three years. And after that you'll be irrelevant. And it's the same thing, like you just get you stop it. And I remember even when I remember when I got to one thousand, when I was first starting out, one thousand subscribers on YouTube, which I was really happy about and excited about at the time and still am. And I remember my friends going to me, so this is the peak, basically, like this is it, Like they'll never be more than this, and so you should just make

the most of it. Because that's and I remember like that it was that fear mindset that every time I hit a new peak, people around me would say to me, Oh, that's the peak, then, so that's it. Now you've done it now, And I was like, wait, only if you think that, like you know, so great, great answers so far, all right? Question number three, what's something that you think people value that you don't value. Maybe this sounds sort

of dumb, but whether or not people think I'm cool? Yeah, I guess, and that's probably pretty like entertainment industry specific. But I do think that there's like a lot of like insecurity in this business, and there's a lot of like hoping other people like you and like I think you're cool, yeah, And I don't really care about that anymore, Like I really just want to be happy and find my people and focus on those relationships, and everyone else is kind of like feel however you want to feel

about me. But I definitely used to be very concerned about that, and it actually, I think made me far less cool and less likable because I was really just terrified of everybody. So then I would be too quiet and then everyone would assume I was mean yeah, and I'm like, I'm just scared, So yeah, I think I think, yeah, just what other people think of you, when really I just care what the people I like think of me. Yeah.

Number four, This has been a question I've been asking recently because I want to help peop who are listening as well, Like, how do you think about how you choose your friends and the people around you, whether it's personal or professional. I want to surround myself with people who work really hard, are kind and empathetic, and that I trust in every way, but mostly that if we ever have a disagreement or miscommunication or argument, we're going to talk about it and deal with it and get

through it. So I think that's I want. I want people around me that make me want to be a better person and put in the same level of energy and effort into our relationship that I'm going to love those. Fifth and final question, Taylor, what is if you could create one law in the world that everyone had to follow. What would it be? Oh, one law in the world. Yeah, everyone had a question, reguest Eva. Oh my gosh, I want to I want to know what the best answer

you've gotten. I don't think they're all surprising, Like you get everything from something really simple, like be kind to some really specific thoughtful stuff, and so I don't I don't think we've had a best answer, but I am currently compiling every answer we've ever had. It going to be fun to look at, like the breath of answers, one law that everyone had to follow, or one habit that they had to do every day, one habit that they had to do every day. I mean, everyone should

be journaling probably, yeah, I guess that. Maybe. Yeah. Have you been journaling for a long time? Do you know what I've noticed this is going back to the relationship single thing. When I am in a relationship, I'm terrible about journaling. Wow. And then when I'm single, I'm great

about it. And it makes a huge difference. Wow. And I remember the last time I got out of a relationship, I had been telling myself, Okay, well I'll get back to I've been telling myself that for months and I thought I hadn't journaled in like two three months, which is still bad. And I went back into it after my breakup and I my last entry was like going on a date with the person I ended up in a relationship with. Wow, which is I mean again, I thought I was like, it's been like sixty days, I'll

get back to it and it had just been so long. Well, that has so many lessons in it. That is that is such a great answer, because I think we leave so many of our best habits when we get into relationships and then wonder what went wrong, and so so journaling and no yelling. I guess yeah, unless you're happy and excited, no mean yelling me yelling. I love that very deep and profound. Taylor, you are incredible. I think you're cool. I would yell in excitement I did when

you first came. No, I am so so happy that we got to do this. I'm so happy to get to meet you. For anyone who's been listening or watching it home, make sure you tag Taylor and me on Instagram, on Twitter, on all platforms so that we can see what resonated with you, what connected with you. I love love love knowing what Taylor said that is going to stay with you, is going to stick with you, that

connected with you, that moved you. And of course I highly recommend that you go and check out quarter Life Crisis and look at you and follow Taylor on every single platform so that you can stay up to date and so that you don't have to see me send these scary videos, funny videos and exciting videos, but that

you can do it yourself. But Taylor, you are continue to be the comedian that I follow the most, that I love the most, that I watched the most, and I'm so honored, so so excited to see what you do next. I'm convinced for someone as talented as you, and someone has grounded as you and who's doing the work so early that anything's possible, and it's you know, more and more is going to happen as time goes on. So really really excited for you, excited to be an

observer and a cheerleader on the journey. Thank you so much. It was seriously, so so nice to meet you finally in person. And I'm obviously such a fan as well. And um, I can't wait to meet your wife as well, so you have to be friends with me now yeah and she comes back like a month, so yeah, yeah, definitely. But thank you, Taylor. Thanks, Thanks everyone for listening and watching. Makes you share this with a friend who would love

to hear it would benefit from it. I hope that you pass it on and it changes someone day today as well. So thank you all,