Julia Fox EXCLUSIVE: ‘I Still Hear a Voice That Says I’m Nothing’ (The Real Story Behind Surviving Addiction, Life as a Sex Worker, and How Motherhood Saved Her)

To see me who would go to jail, get arrested, get into fights, steal stuff, break stuff, trespass, overdose.

One hundred times, just a mess.

And then to see me be successful, and I'd probably hate me too, should we get Fox is known for many things, a fashion designer, actress, author do you Know from films such as Uncut, Gems and No Sudden News, as well as the host of OMG Fashion on E Juliet Fox.

What's a childed experience that you feel left a defining monk on your life?

My parents always fighting, like horrible, horrible fights. I would just like go into the bathroom and I would just turn on the hair dryer and I just lay on the floor for like six hours.

At seventeen, you decided to become a sex work and.

I could really disassociate and detach. I think that's why it was so easy for me to enter an industry like that. And I actually found the whole experience really empowering. For the first time in my life, I actually kind of gained some self worth.

Where did you get addicted to heroin in that journey?

But it's akin to like what being in your mother's womb would feel like. Heroin kind of became a replacement Mommy.

Did you say in the book that motherhood saved you?

If there's one thing I'm determined to do is to not give him a childhood.

What was that journey for you to actually get clean?

I had to do all that messy stuff and be that girl to end up in this chair today.

The number one health and wellness podcast.

Jay Shetty, Jay Shetty, See Only She.

I'm so excited to finally share the live interviews from my very first podcast tour, presented by Chase Sapphire Reserve. The first episode features an unforgettable conversation with none other than Julia Fox, recorded live at the Iconic Theater at Madison Square Garden in New York City, Special thanks to

Thank you.

That's actually something I want to say, is like a lot of times we're more alike than we are different, you know, and you kind of have to make the effort sometimes to find ask questions and be interested. And because a lot of times we're all kind of going through the same stuff, you know, And I feel like we're so programmed to see the differences, and especially you know, we're getting so much influence telling us that these people

Yeah, we're going through so many of the same emotions, the same ups and downs, the same challenges, and I don't want to dive into some of those with you, but I wanted to start off with something funny that I thought you said that I love you's once said I've always been the main character in my head, and I wanted to ask, seeing as we're in New York, how do you channel main character energy.

I mean, I think everyone living in New York feels that way.

You know.

It's like I think you kind of have to be that way, you know. And also we are that way just naturally, you know. I just some people admit it and some people don't, you know, but totally, you know, especially here in New York, where, like you know, no two days are alike, and some days it feels like

But well, Julia, before we dive into the deeper work, k I wanted to I have to ask you this question, seeing as you have been a lot of people's muse. Who's your muse?

My muse is.

Me. No, But like in all seriousness, it changes, you know.

I really love people.

I'm definitely like a avid people watcher.

People watching in New York sounds fun.

It's amazing.

Tell me about your latest venture.

I mean, even just like going out to the grocery store or like going to a party. Like sometimes I'll just like sit back and watch. I Mean, it's kind of hard because I get a lot of people talking to me all the time, but I prefer to just kind of be like a fly on the wall. I can definitely be the life of the party too, but sometimes I just want to like watch all the little micro things happening all around.

It's just like fascinating to me.

You've lived an extremely fascinating life. As I was saying when I was listening to your audiobook, I want to dive into that, and I want to start, as I often do on on purpose, talking about childhood because I learned very early on when I was researching and studying just how those years are so formative when we look at the psychology of what we pursue, what we chase, what we fear, what we worry about, and it's something we all go through. We all have a reference point

You know, there were many experiences, but I think the overall thread throughout all of them was really feeling like unimportant. And I still carry that with me very much today, a feeling like I'm not like worth it, you know, And that is so hard because I could get so much validation and so much affirmation and you know, but I still have that little voice in the back of my head that's like you're nothing, You're not important, You're

That's that's what's fascinating about that thought cycle, is that when something negative happens, it affirms your belief that you're not worth it, and then when something good happens, it's almost a feeling of well I didn't I don't deserve it. I'm still not good enough.

It's a fluke.

Yeah, yeah, lucky.

I always say that I just got lucky guys, you know, But then I know that if I really were to, like, you know, look at all the hard work and sacrifice that I do deserve it, you know, And and my logical mind can identify that, but my emotional mind is still very much.

Like no, yeah, in those two minds, I mean, how many of you can relate to that? Right? Everyone can relate, Right, It's it's something that that cycle of when something good happens to us as humans were so good at being like, yeah, I got lucky this time. Oh, when is it going to go? Righte?

When is it going to get taken away from me? When are they going to realize I'm a fraud? When you know, like it's crazy?

Yeah, when are people going to find out I'm an imposta? When are people going to find out that this table? Yeah, it's it's such a thing. What was it in your

You know?

I think my parents were dealing with a lot with each other and they couldn't really you know, it's like boom or parents. They were just very caught up in their own stuff and always always fighting, like horrible, horrible fights. And I remember I would just like go into the bathroom because it was the only room in the house that had a lock on the door, and I would just turn on the hair dryer and I just lay on the floor for like six hours until it was like quiet, and then I could go back and like

It's so fascinating as I'm listening to you, I can relate to that. So I grew up in a home where me and my sister would wake up to my parents going.

And it's crazy how much parents fighting affects kids.

Sorry, not too, it's crazy.

It was. I grew up in an emotionally physically abusive household. And often when people meet me, they just think I had the most perfect childhood and it's why I do what I do today, And I often explain it's the opposite.

Well, I think from a really young age, I just really learned to compartmentalize, so I could take something I didn't like, put it in a little box, and put it in a shelf all the way in the back of my brain, and I could really disassociate and detach and just be on autopilot. And I think that's why it was so easy for me to enter an industry like that, because I could just shut down like that.

Absolutely, as I'm listening to you, I'm actually just how do you even discover the industry? Like how does.

Someone craigslist baby Greggs lest Yeah?

Yeah, really yeah, Oh you're not joking at it?

No, no, but like, how did you even So?

I knew about it because in the seventh grade, I had this one of my many codependent vesties, and I would live at her house and it was three sisters and an alcoholic mom, and the older sister was a dominatrix and the only full length mirror was in.

My besties room. So she would get dressed.

She'd buy all this stuff from Link to Sextors and come in and put them on, and it was the black platforms and the thigh highs and the fish nets. And then that's when I was informed, oh, she's a dominatrix. And you know, at that point, like I figured it out or something, so I always kind of knew that it was an option that I could always like just do what she did. And she looked so hot and cool and it just seemed like just seemed fun and exciting.

And I had to move out.

Something happened at home, and I literally had to move out with the clothes on my back. And you know, I could only really like stay at friend's houses for so long. I had to contribute in some way, So that's what I did.

So it was a fully survival thing.

Yes, definitely survival. I don't think I would have just chosen to do it, but I am glad that I did. Yeah, I feel like I really kind of learned. It was like a crash course in the male psyche.

Tell us that really weird.

There's a lot of people tell us about the mouse psyche.

I mean, it's just like all the different fetishes and stuff, like.

They're just so many and they're so weird, Like belly buttons, blue jeans, hair like on your head, not even down there.

Like they just men get so infatuated.

With the like.

Weird, random things that women possess on them. And I also found, actually, interestingly enough, that the more powerful a

And I learned that really the life. But I saw that I was able to.

See that firsthand, you know, and I thought that was really interesting. You know, how you can go out there and be this tough guy and then here he's like crawling on all fours and drinking drinking my tea out of a dog ball, And it was just really interesting, you know.

I love that balance is what you took away from that, And it's just amazing. It's amazing we are I was I was going to say that I learned about balance,

Was a completely off.

We came to the same conclusion though, and uh and and as I'm listening to you, I know that I was. I was going to ask you, actually, how do you even, like, what do you think of the misconceptions about sex workers or what did you learn by actually being in the industry that you think is relevant for people who are not connected, may not understand, may not know, whatever it may be. What would you say those are.

I mean, I would just say to anyone thinking about it. Obviously, now today with only fans and there's so many ways to be in the sex industry without ever touching a man, which is.

Like amazing, But back in my day that was not the case.

I would just say, like, set a firm boundary in your head going into it and don't cross it, and the moment you cross it, just stop because then it'll just keep happening. And I made that mistake, and it kind of does like wear on you a little bit, you know, and then it's like, well, nobody will ever know, but you will know, you know, and that you will never escape.

You know.

It's almost easier to some other someone else know and not you, but your clients.

They will take and take and take and take.

So you just have to be really firm in what line you're not going to cross.

Before we dive into the next moment, let's hear from our sponsors, thanks for taking a moment for that. Now back to the discussion. It's quite remarkable you learned so many lessons. You've learned balance boundaries, you know, acting like you were just saying like roll like why and when did that end? Like why did that period of your life come to a close? And then where did you pivot to?

And I'll tell you another thing that I learned then was manifestation through prayer. So I would pray every single night.

I'm not kidding. I would pray for a sugar daddy.

Like like long prayers, long long player prayers, a lot of bargaining, a lot.

Of bargaining and begging God to please send me a sugar daddy.

And he did, he did, He did the best one ever. Also, I got really really lucky. We're still friends. I love them to death.

And that's that's kind of how I got out of that.

Was that always you'll get out like get out card, Like, was that your thought in your head when you were praying?

When you're in that kind of lifestyle, you're not really thinking long term, you know. I feel like having the ability to plan and do all these things, like that's something for like well adjusted people. When you're living like I was, it was very much like survive the day, get through the day, and maybe something good will happen, you know. So I was really just kind of looking

Me, you know, and try to make it on my own.

And like all my blessings and everything I've been able to achieve only happen once I got out of that funny enough, So.

And was your faith God something you always had always?

Yea?

Where did that come from? You know?

I'm not really sure. I know, you know, I'm Italian.

I've lived in Italy for some of my childhood with my grandpa, and and he was very faith based, and

Night, and I always kind of knew.

That that God was there, or something was there, a presence was there, and it's like you can only have too like so many coincidences before you're like, okay, there's something cosmic here, you know. And also I feel like when you're kind of in desperation and not feeling so great, I find that those are usually the times or the people that really turned to God. And I was very much like unwell for a long time, so I needed to believe that God was real.

It's incredible to hear you talk about it from both sides, like you know, a second ago or like belly laughing. And then at the same time, there's like this real survival desperation, stress, trying to get through every day, as you just said, like just trying to make it through till the end of the day, and the reality of just not how would you feel at the end of the day, Like what would be going through your mind?

Would it just be I didn't feel no, like I did so many drugs, like every single drug under the sun. I was smunking pie all the time, like before it like literally wake up first thing, like digging a roach out of an ash tray, you know, like just that level of.

Numbness at all times.

So like feeling is still kind of fairly like a newer thing for me, and I still have a lot of trouble articulating how I'm feeling.

Like I just kind of shut down.

Because that was the only way to get through it was to just be numb, yeah, and to just not feel because if you were to it would.

Have it would just open a floodgate and who knows what could happen, you know, because usually when I would be emotional, it be kind of like a meltdown and then I'd end up in like a hospital at all or something. So it was just better to not even go there at all.

Yeah, that's so fascinating to hear that. I think so many of us feel that in different ways where we find a numbing agent, whatever that may be for us. For some of us it's TV, sugar, alcohol, drugs, whatever it may be. There's some sort of way of just kind of not self regulating, but externally regulating our emotions and feelings because we just don't want to feel that.

When I found heroin. It was like I would say that it's akin to like what being in your mother's womb would feel like, like the warmth and that everything is going to be okay. And you know, I think I probably liked it so much because of the disconnect I had with my own mother, so and kind of became a replacement mommy or something, you know. And yeah, I discovered hero in high school and I took it all the way into my mid twenties, you know, on and off, on and off. I sometimes I'd be off

I know that she it would make I.

Don't know, it's not that it would make it less horrible, but I just had to find some kind of silver lining or something to attach myself to. So now I, you know, don't do that anymore in honor of her.

So, so sorry to hear that. How long did you both know each other and how were you.

We actually met in AA and it was a funny story. We were sitting next to each other and my like horrible ex boyfriend was also there and we hadn't seen each other in a long time, and he was there with this girl who had like cyber believe me on Instagram. And I just stood up and I said, this room is unsafe for me.

There are abusers in here.

And I just made such a scene, which is like fairly uncommon and it that doesn't really happen, so but I did it. And she loved it, like she was like yeah.

Yeah, tell um, tell um, yeah.

And then I just sat back down and it was that was it. We were together every single day after that. It was like we really found each other. But you know, with every kind of relationship like that, it was only a matter of time before we.

Both left to go get high together. You know.

So it's pretty cliche, but it's still a beautiful love story none the least.

What was that journey for you to actually get clean from her? And like, what was that journey like for you? I can't imagine It's easy, And like you said, you used the loss of her as fuel, as inspiration, as a guiding light during a really, really tough time. But what did it actually take from you to now be able to sit here and say, well, that's not something I do anyway.

Well, she died and then I got pregnant six months later and had my son. And if there's one thing I'm determined to do is to not give him a shitty childhood.

And in order for me to do that, I have to be sober.

So yeah, so it all happened pretty quick, and honestly, I don't think I would have even had my son if she hadn't passed away. But at that moment, it was like anything to fill that and that heartbreak, you know, it was. I just wanted to feel better. And actually, funny story, when I was about I can't remember now I put the the I put it in my book. But like a couple of weeks into my pregnancy, I had a dream. She came to me in a dream and I told her I'm pregnant, I'm pregnant, I'm having

Yeah, you say in the book that motherhood saved you.

Because I just don't have time to do anything else, Like it really is like.

Three full time jobs. So but it did it? Did? It did save me?

Yeah?

When you finally found the sugar daddy and you got out of you know, sex work from your prayers, where did that pivot happen? From that getting you out of there and then moving into acting? Like how how did that happen?

You know?

People knew who I was, like I was like a hood celebrity, you know, and these directors heard about me and wanted to meet me, and they were writing a part for this young girl who has kind of a sugar daddy situation, and that movie would go on to become uncut gems. So I you know, I auditioned like everyone else. Unfortunately, even though they had written it for me, the studios were like, we don't know her, like what like they wanted like Scarlet Johanson and you know all

You know, but I had a hunch.

And so you know, I did a screen test with Adam Sandler and it went really well and they were able to convince the studios to let me do it.

Yeah. Absolutely.

But that's why I always tell people like like live your truth, like even if you're messy or wild or cringe like, like, don't hide that because you never know who's watching, you know. Like I was so embarrassing, like like truly so embarrassing, but it caught these people's eyes.

You know what was embarrassing? What were you doing as well?

Well, you know, everyone knew that I was living off my sugar daddy's money and every there you go, it was like everybody knew it. It was you know, but they it was like frowned upon, you know, like people will talk shit about me or didn't want to be my friend or it was just like I was always kind of looked at it like as the spectacle, you know. And I was known to like cause a scene or just be loud and sometimes violent.

And yeah, definitely tell.

Us about the violent.

Well, I grew up in a violent home, So that's kind of how I learned to like problem solve, like if I want a problem to go away, you you know, so I you know, I've definitely been known to throw hands, but you know now I'm like, oh, it's so embarrassing, you know, But like I had to do all that messy stuff and be that girl to end up in this chair today speaking with all of you.

So just always be yourselves.

It's so fascinating for me. Seeing that in my home made me never want to be angry, never want to be violent, never want to raise my voice, and never kind of create that atmosphere again. And it's so interesting just how it's humans we make those choices at different stages in our life and where they go from there. I one thing that really stood out to me in your book Down the Drain, that is when you mentioned when you were young, you said to your mom you

Yeah, talk to.

Me about those two moments and why you remember them so vividly, and because.

It's like you'd expect your parent to be so happy

She could never do it.

And you know, I think, like now that I'm also a mom, I can see her as a human and I see a woman who came from nothing and did everything she was supposed to do. She went to college, went to university, she worked as a nurse, she did all the things to become a doctor, and was just

You know, I just can't do it anymore.

As I'm looking at you, it feels like you've tried a lot.

Not that much, but not that much, but there have been a few times, Yeah.

What have you tried? And when did you try?

And just trying to mimic what a mother daughter relationship is supposed to look like and playing that part, playing that role, acting that part, only to be met with not her playing that part back, you know. And I realized that, you know, we can't just like turn it on and be mother and daughter, and there needs to be some unpacking. But every time I try to talk about things, it's complete denial. It's almost like she lived a completely like she lived.

In a different house. Well she really did live in a different house.

She lived in Italy my whole life, so I only saw her twice a year, so that also played a big part. But there were obviously prolonged periods as well

Yeah, and I could see that it wasn't like.

That with my brothers, that she had way more of a connection and she put the effort and had more of a genuine interest for them.

So and I picked that up very very young.

How have you reconciled that?

Now?

I'm sure there's lots of people in the room who have challenges with parents, potentially even challenges with kids, Like how have you reconciled that? What have you How have you come to as close to peace or a boundary that you've been able to set with them?

You know, I wouldn't say it's forgiveness, because how do you forgive a betrayal like that? But there is an acceptance, which I think is the closest thing to forgiveness, And it's so hard to accept because it's really hard to

It takes a lot to draw those boundaries with the people that we love.

And sadly, especially your parents, especially parents.

Like now that I'm a parent and I have parents, it's like you can have more than one kid.

You could have ten kids, but you can.

Only have one mom and one dad, like in that way, Like you know, obviously there's people, there's blended families, but it's.

Really really, really.

Important relationship and I take it to the highest level of importance. To me, it's sacred. Nothing comes before my child. So I mean, I just don't understand how for her it's not the same.

Did she ever go to therapy she's a psychologist?

Wow, Yeah, that's why I don't trust them and I don't want to go.

Wow, that's fascinating. I know when you were addicted to drugs or even when you were a sex worket. Did you ever have any near death experiences?

Many?

And actually, my best friend Brianna once called my mom

She hung up the phone.

What happened to you?

I lived.

That day that she had to make that call to your mom.

I honestly don't even remember. I think I probably just like odde on heroin or something.

Was that a regular current? So yeah, but that was the only time that they called. She called your mom.

Yeah, I think it was like the first time it ever happened. Yeah, And my friend just got so scared. I was living at her house at the time, and she just like found me like that and freaked out and just didn't know what to do. But her mom stepped in as my kind of surrogate mother and helped me a lot.

Oh her mom, Oh wow.

Yeah.

The beauty of having that kind of void is that I really attracted so many amazing women with that kind

Really took me in. And mom are just amazing.

Like having a horrible experience of mine doesn't take away that I can identify that moms really are amazing.

You know, I understand that my mom's like an exception.

Yeah, you have one of the most fascinating minds and lives of anyone I've ever interviewed. Honestly, Oh my god. I find it so incredible that despite the challenges and trials and tribulations that you were going through in your life, you were able to at the same time identify goodness and pray, look for ways out see sacredness in your friends and other people.

And it's a survival instinct. It's like you don't even realize you're doing it. It's that will to live that we all innately have. Like I didn't set out to do any of that stuff. I didn't realize I was doing it until after. But I really I think a part of me, as much as I wanted to die, I also really wanted to live, and I had to

Did you have any dangerous encounters as a sex worker or were you the one inflicting me?

I was the one they were in danger?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. And obviously I understand that my experience is very unique. You know. Obviously I had some clients that were better than others, but for the most part, I always had very good instincts. If I felt like something was weird, I would just leave, you know, I'd leave the room and go get someone else. You know.

Also, a C and M is a.

Very you know, it's really the only place in the world where like the women rule, Like I'd never seen that before. I'd always kind of seen the opposite of that. So I think being able to be in that so young really kind of shaped how I see the world today, because I see so many discrepants and disparities and how

Pea out of a dog ball. You know, it was amazing, it was heaven, it was paradise.

It's we'll just let that sit for a second. But first, here's a quick word from the brands that support the show. All right, thank you to our sponsors. Now let's dive back in. There's this recurring pattern that I could hear about when I was listening to your book, this idea of proving yourself, proving yourself to your mom, proving yourself to men you were dating, proving yourself to the industry, proving yourself.

And I still am all the time. But that's never end. You know.

I think it's so hard for a woman to show up in a room and just be given the benefit of the doubt, you know, whereas men walk in and they're just given the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise. You know, whereasom and it's always the opposite. We kind of have to work a little bit harder. So, you know, especially if you're like an unconventional woman, or a weird woman, or a neurodivergent woman or a lowed woman, it's like, oh my god, the odds are so stacked

A big part of what we've been talking about here this evening before you came out, was this idea of how we feel judged when we walk into a room, or how we think others think of us, and how we worry about that. I'm sure when you're walking into rooms to audition actading, directors, producers, I'm sure that there's so many things you think people think of you. How have you found coping mechanisms to that anxiety, stress, nervousness that naturally exist and people shared earlier so vulnerably and

Well, first of all, I think everyone's feeling that way, you know, I think people are so just worried about themselves all the time anyway, like they're probably thinking the same thing about you. And another thing is also like it's really not that deep. We have the attention span of a goldfish. People will forget like nothing is serious, Like, just don't take it so seriously, you know. And also if you walk into a room and they don't like you,

You know, like they're just not cool. So I think just lead with that mindset.

Yeah. I remember seeing this this meme. I don't know who wrote to where it came from, but it it says confidence isn't everyone will like me, confidences will be okay.

Even if they don't don't like you. Yeah, And it's.

That idea of just we think confidence means everyone likes me, everyone notices me when I walk in the room, and that I can control the crowd. And it's like, well, that's not confidence.

And also if you try to please everyone, you just

So it's just better to just be genuine because at.

Least, like I always tell people, like, take the mask off, be yourself, so then you can attract people that are like minded. And then once you have your tribe and your people, you're invincible. You know, it doesn't matter what happens to you because you'll have your fan that understand you, I agree with you, and know that you're the bomb.

You've said that you don't you're not afraid of being alone, but you've been afraid of being truly seen, which I find to be really interesting because I think a lot of us are scared to be truly seen in all of who we are. And where are you on that journey?

I mean, I feel like even being here tonight and you know, going so deep and talking about things that are you know, kind of things I usually just put in a compartment in the back of my brain and just pretend like they don't exist.

Like this is a big part of it.

Also, I find that when you share a secret or share something that's been weighing you down, you share it with somebody, you're also sharing that the weight with someone else. Now we can all carry this together and it's less of a burden for you. So I think, just like, don't hold it in, it'll eat you up.

Like, just if you're.

Feeling something, tell somebody otherwise you're just gonna it's going to eat you up, and you're going to feel so isolated and so alone, and it's just no way, no way to live well said, I flutely agree.

It's one of the reasons I've been encouraging everyone tonight to share their heart and so many brave, brave soults have. I love that you were saying that recently feeling has been a new phenomena for you. How recent is that and what have been some of the joyful, positive, healthy feelings that you've been experiencing.

Probably when I quit smoking weed two years ago, so very very recent. But you know that's not to say that I feel things before. I obviously did, but I would just feel something and then pick up the pipe.

Now I just.

Do that. I always say, like I'm strapping my seatbelt on and I'm going to and I'm gonna move through it. It's gonna move through me. I'm not gonna go over it. I'm not gonna go around it. I'm just gonna let it do its thing and it's gonna pass.

It's gonna pass.

Wow, It's it's pretty remarkable to've gone from that extreme to this. And like you just said, you're not on drugs anymore, not smoking weed, and I believe you're celibate now too. Yeah, I would celibate as a month for three years.

I'm on three years too, You're on three years? Yeah?

Wow, yeah, all right, so you're gonna you're gonna beat my record.

Yeah, I think so.

Unfortunately, what made you make that? I said, unfortunately?

What made you make? Was it always a commitment long term? Was it?

No?

No?

I didn't even realize that I was doing it until I was doing it, you know. For I was like, oh my god, it's been six months, and then it was like a year, Oh my god, three you know, It's just the time goes so fast. But I've honestly found that that was another or toxic relationship that I had with sex and with men.

I don't think.

Right now that I'm able to have a healthy, emotional or romantic relationship with anyone, to be honest, you know, I think I'm still really coming to terms with who I am and learning every day. Like sometimes, you know, even though I was so precocious in a lot of ways, I feel like I was a late bloomer, you know, because I just wasn't really living authentically and I was self medicating, and I was just in survival mode for so long.

So now that I can, like you know, sit back, I'm okay.

I have a roof over my head, I have my family and everything, but it still feels like fairly new. So I think right now I just need to like be okay being with me and that's okay.

Yeah, what did what did you learn from cutting out so many of these things you were dependent on or had unhealthy toxic relationships within the past. Like what is it felt like to almost stop you know, drugs, we'd practicing celibacy, Like what is what is that done for you?

Like?

What are you experiencing from the detox?

I mean like I can go grocery shopping, and I can go to sleep when I'm supposed to and wake up when I'm supposed to do, and I can show up for people, and I can be reliable and responsible and dependable, and you know, I can be someone that somebody can count on. And you know, I'm I think I'm a great mom. You know, I can just build a home, like a healthy, happy home with lots of snacks in the kitchen and it's warm and nice and you know, just just like all the basic things that

You know. You have to get all the little things together.

And that's as little as eating healthy, sleeping enough, meditating, just spending time alone, recharging your batteries and I'm seeing your friends and laughing, you know, like those those are the things that happiness is built upon. So you know, that's where I'm trying to live now because I was very much like, well, once i'll get a.

Nose job, i'll be pretty and then I'll be happy, you know, And it.

Was just always the cycle of trying to find the thing that'll make me happy without realizing that it was right in front of me. But I just needed to, like water the damnse eat. So that's what I'm doing.

Now, Julia. For our tour, we created a segment that we wanted to do with guests called Past, Present, Future, and it starts with a series of cards just that everyone knows that are marked past, present, and future. And Julia has no ideas what these questions are. So, Julie, what I'm gonna ask you to do is I'm gonna ask you to pick, and these questions will ask you either something. I'll come closer to you. They'll ask you something either about your past, present, or future. They're marked,

Do I pick at random?

Or oh no, it's okay, you chose a present card. What does this say?

What's the last photo in your photo role? I didn't bring my phone out here.

Weekends.

It away when you have to tell you have to post it later?

Okay, you have to post it off to the show. You can't. I'm trying to think what.

You posted as long as you can post it.

Future?

What niche hobby will you take way too seriously when you're older? Knitting for sure? I cannot wait to be at the nursing home.

Leave me the hell alone. I just want to knit in peace.

What's the first thing. You're gonna knit yourself.

A blanket so I can like put it on me as I knit.

I just want to knit myself.

Into a cocoon and be left alone for all eternity.

Doesn't that sound amazing?

I want you to pick one of the past cuts.

Okay, where was your first kiss? Okay, guys, I have a confession. I don't remember my first kiss. I know that's part of like being, you know, in the trauma. I don't remember a lot of stuff like I genuinely.

Have no idea who it could be. It could be like one hundred different people.

To end a past present future segment, I want to show you a picture if you can get the first one up behind you in a second. Do you remember this?

I was always hustling, do you know?

Do you know where you were? Do you know?

Yeah? I was in front of my dad's building, and I used to sell lemonade all summer long and just stack paper.

It's so much money.

How old were you you remember that?

I'm probably like eight or nine here.

What what advice would you give to your younger self that you look at in that picture?

Keep stacking paper, girl, No, I'm kidding.

To just like everything, It's going to make sense, you know, just hang in there.

Second one please, this is your present. What do you need to hear right now? What's the words that you need to hear right now in your life?

You are worthy?

Do you feel That's like a daily reminder right now?

Yeah?

And oh god, we have a future thanks to AI, we have a future version behind me.

Okay, not so bad.

Okay, you look amazing. Yeah, all right? Ah, what do you hope and intend that you'll think of yourself and the people who really know you will say about you at that age? What do you think the people who deeply knew you in life, that really got to know you beneath the surface will say about you at that.

Age that I'm a boss? I'm a boss aspect?

Yeah, Oh, Julia, you've been. You've been so brave, vulnerable, thoughtful, hilarious, inspiring to come here today. And it was so funny we were walking up when when Julia and I were walking up and she said to me, she is, I'm pretty sure we don't have a lot of crossover in our audience and our community, and I'm hoping that this has been a positive experience.

For you, it has.

My greatest joy is in all of us learning so much about each other that we're able to see each other's humanity despite how we look, how we present ourselves, how we dress, what country we came from, what background we have, what walks of life and paths that we've been down. Because to me, that's what the world really needs, is the ability to look at someone's heart and soul. And you've allowed me to try and give that opportunity

Thank you guys, someone.

And thank you too, can stay up. I hope this is going to be the most surprising friendship of twenty twenty five. And I actually want to ask you one last question because you've talked so beautifully about your son and being a mother, and the audience has, you know, really felt that and responded to that tonight. And you actually went through a miscarriage too, right? And was that before or after?

I was seventeen and it happened in a bar. I'm pretty happy I had that miscarriage. I don't even know who the Yeah.

How did that experience affect you at that time?

Like I even remember that I was once.

At a pregame when I got a call that my grandpa had died, and I literally like shut off the phone and went back to the pregame because like there was just.

No way that I was going to deal with that.

And I still have like breakdowns, like violent breakdowns about it. I'm just I was just very good. I was trained to just shut it off, you know, like shut it off. It didn't happen, nobody knows, It's okay, move on, but

Yeah, whether it's like you said, being protection or whether it happens sadly and tragically, it's it's still a part of you that was, yeah, was connected to it, and it's totally and hearing about it from that perspective, and how you've been able to just this recurring theme in your life of just revisiting, and tonight I feel like you've and in your incredible book, you know, down the Drain, your memoir, You've revisited some of these moments that I

It was actually so cathartic.

It was probably the closest I'd ever gotten to actually because I've had a hundred therapists, but then I stopped going, you know, but having to sit down every day and write that book, I mean, there were so many times.

That I was like, I'll just call a ghost writer.

Like it's fine, everybody does it, like it's okay, and I would just just force myself to like sit there and sit with the pain. And I remember like I'd be flushed, like my cheeks would be read, I'd be sweating because I'm like, oh my god, I can't believe I'm like actually writing this. And it was like I could have not written it, you know, but a part of me felt like like I needed to, you know, like I needed to talk about it or release it

God's work out here.

Just it doesn't get better than that, guys. But you know what I mean, It's like, that's really what it's all about.

You know.

I think the most times I've ever felt close to happiness or joy, like real pure joy was when I was able to help somebody without getting any thing back. Like that's really when when I feel so at peace, you know, and so happy and joyful. So you know, I think that's just that's what it's about. And also I have this thing where it's like I don't want to burden anyone. I don't want to be annoying. I don't want to ask. I don't want to be a problem.

I want to thank you so much. Is anything you want to share? Any last words? Any?

I actually do want to say one thing, because you were mentioning meditation as I was walking out, and in the third grade, my teachers and social workers told my dad that I was probably ADHD and needed to get medicaid, and my dad actually put me in transcendental meditation classes. And in that same year, I was failing all my classes.

I was. I was like a complete one eighty.

I started getting a's and sitting at the front of my class and raising my hand. And if only I had stuck with it, That's all I'm going to say. But it really works. Meditation really works.

Are you back to it now?

It's always on my to do list and I never do it.

But now because I've told all of you, and I hope you guys hold me accountable and write in my comments all day, I hope you're meditating today, Julia.

Do you guys could do that for me? You have no idea how much I need it.

I would definitely pick pick back up all right, that's that's the first thing we're going to do today is meditation.

Yeah, Julia, as our ome purpose audience knows, we end every episode with a final five. These have to be answered in one word to one sentence maximum. Okay, So, Julia Fox, these are your final The first question is what is the best advice You've ever heard or received?

The best advice I've ever heard or received is actually from my mom, who said, be nice to everyone because you'll never know when you need a favor.

Question on the two, what is the worst advice you've ever heard or received?

To like stop doing so much? Yeah, to not be so extra? And I think that's horrible advice. You know, that's like asking someone to like dim their light.

You know, it's just a wild ask.

I think you you have to be extra, and you have to be cringe and you have to be yourself. It's the only way you can really live authentically.

Okay, run over the word count on that one. I'll question number three, what's something that you used to value that you no longer value?

Drugs?

I love it. Question number four, what's the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night? TikTok, honest Answer and question number five. We asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show. If you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow, what would.

It be be nice to women.

If you love this episode, you'll love my interview with Will Smith on owning your truth and unlocking the power of manifestation. Anybody who hasn't spoken to their parents or their brother, call them right now.

Don't think you're going to have a chance to call them tomorrow or next week.

That opportunity with my father changed every relationship in my life.