Jay’s Must-Listens: 7 Transformative Lessons to Build Confidence And Real Self Worth (Ft. Kobe Bryant & Kendall Jenner)

meet you. There are a limited number of VIP experiences for a private Q and a intimate meditation and a meet and greet with photos. Tickets are on sale now. Head to Jaysheddy, dop me Forward Slash Tour and get yours today. Confidence is something we all struggle with at some point. But where does confidence come from? How do we build it in a way that feels genuine and lasting? The number one health and wellness podcast, Jay Seti, Jay Shehey,

Welcome back to On Purpose today. We're talking about something that impacts every decision we make, a confidence and self worth. We all struggle with it at some point, questioning if we're good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Maybe it started in childhood, or maybe Over time, life's challenges have made us second guess ourselves. But here's the truth. Confidence isn't something you're just born with, it's something you build.

And self worth isn't just about your accomplishments or success. It's about how you see yourself at your core. In this episode, I've gathered insights from some of the best minds to help you quiet self doubt, recognize your true value, and step into the confidence that's already in you. Because

when you truly believe in yourself, everything changes. So often when we're searching for confidence and self worth, it's easy to feel pressured to try every new trend or practice, as if there's a perfect formula for feeling secure in ourselves. But real confidence isn't about following the crowd. It's about tuning out the noise and figuring out what truly works for you. Kendall Jenna knows that pressure all too well. Having spent most of her life in the public eye.

She's had to learn how to protect her peace, set boundaries, and find joy in the simple things. In this conversation, she opens up about her journey to staying grounded and true to herself. Let's get into it had.

little things. It was like being able to go to my friend's birthday party, which I wouldn't have been able to go to before because I was working a lot.

I've loved my whole life. So so it was around that time that I feel like all of that started happening, and I bought my and I like started taking more time for things that made me really happy.

that's ever where I want to be. So I always want to live in like me and my therapist talk about like my higher goddess, my higher self, Like I always want to live there, knowing that you know, when I'm there, you can't take that away from me. That that's mine. And no matter what you can disagree with me, you can agree with me, that's not going I'm not changing, I'm not shifting. I'm here, I'm in my higher goddess.

So I kind of I always live by, like keep holding my happiness and not letting anyone else affect it. And though I fall victim to it at times, well as we all probably do, absolutely I strive every day to live in that place.

thing for me. You know, there's so many false narratives about me, about all of us, I'm sure, like so many people think they have you figured out when they don't even know the half of it. So sitting there and being like, you know, you get frustrated. Sometimes it could feel really unfair. You could be reading something that someone is saying about you, or hearing something that someone's saying about you and being like, that is so unfair because that's not who I am. And that really gets

to me sometimes and that really sucks. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am and that's all. Why does anything else matter? And my friends know who I am, and my family knows who I am, My dog knows who I am, my horse knows who I am, Like, why does any of everything else? Is just noise?

picked it up in your hand. And they'll be like, Oh, it looks really rough and like it might scratch me, and like it looks like a bit, you know, like uneven or whatever, and it looks kind of hard and strong. And then I'll ask them to pick it up, and nine times out of ten it's completely different. Like they'll pick it up and it will just dissolve in their hands, or they'll turn it over and the color is really soft and sorry, the shape, the shape's really soft and

the color's totally different on the other side. And I do that I exercise to help us realize just how multifaceted humans are. Yeah, today I've got to meet you, and obviously we're spending a lot of deep, intimate, vulnerable time together, so you learn faster about someone. But if someone only follows someone on social media, or only sees someone at an event, or only sees one interview, it's so easy to create such a singular view of someone. I think, and I want to say this because I

really think we all feel it. I don't think anyone wants to be seen in a singular way. If you had to choose one word that had to be you for the rest of your life. I don't think anyone wants that. I think course all know that we're messy and complex and different, of course, but we like to put someone else in a box, whoever that may be, because it's easier than to live life and say, okay, well that's person's a bright yeah.

what you think I am. I am what I think you think I am. And what he's trying to say is that we live in a perception of a perception of ourselves. So if I think you think I'm smart, then I allow myself to feel smart.

It can happen after a big life change, the grind of a demanding job, or even just getting stuck in the routine of everyday life. For Vanessa Hudgens, that moment came after filming a series of emotionally intense movies, she found herself questioning her identity and searching for a way to reconnect. Instead of staying in that uncertainty, she took a leap, one that felt scary but ultimately led her

back to herself. Let's dive into how stepping outside her comfort zone helped her rediscover her confidence and self worth.

four seasons. It was like a practice, and I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna like go on my own because that scares me. And I was very much in that place of like do the things that scare you, because you

will evolve like you're forced to. And I was like, you know, like a yoga retreat in Hawaii, like that gives me an excuse to be in Hawaii, but also like have something to do and like know that I'll be around people because like filming as well as an adult, Like when I hit eighteen, I would go off to film things all the time, and I would be on

my own. And so like if I wanted to go to dinner, like a lot of times, I would just go by myself and like bring a book, and like I definitely would have those moments where I'm like looking around like kind of trying to like lock eyes and engage with anyone. Preferably would sit at the bar, so I like talk to the bartender because like I love I love people, like I love I love just like talking to people.

love that. But the trip the yoga retreat in Hawaii ended up just being like so freeing because I was just like okay, like I'm here on my own, like I'm just gonna like talk to people that I connect with and like go from there and like genuinely forced me to stay as present as possible because I was

engaging with people I know nothing about. I feel like That's the thing I love about talking to people that you don't know, like you're forced to be present because it's like if you're actually trying to engage, which not everybody does. Yeah, but then those are the people you don't need to engage with. But when you find people who you can like, it's do you say you're so present because you're actually listening.

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it in a way that feels genuine and lasting. Claudia Aushriy, comedian, podcast host and social media personality, gets candid about her journey with self image and how love played a role in shaping her confidence. I really want you to hear her story, Like, what would you say to someone who maybe doesn't have doesn't want to go on a z MPG because they're scared or whatever it may be. But like what would you say with them?

he thinks I'm so great, Like that's nothing. You should get your confidence from a man whatever, But like I did, just to be loved so unequivocally by somebody who I think is so great, that gave me a lot of confidence. Like he thought I was the best, he thought I was as smartest, he thought I was the prettiest, so like I was because his opinion is only when that matters. But also like I look at him and I think of him as like so charming attractive, like who wouldn't

want to marry him? And he likes me, like, oh my god, I must be like the greatest thing ever. And I really feel like so much of my confidence and It's so funny because he says that he gets confidence from me, which I feel like really happy that it's a two way street, but having a relationship that I felt really solid about, but also somebody who just loved me so much. Really it just made me believe like what he was saying, do you know what I mean?

like living a very inactive, unhealthy lifestyle. That's not the case for everyone you see who's overweight, but that was one thousand percent the case for me.

to be a little bit more well rounded. I feel like I eat like a six year old, and so I do, like I eat rice and chicken fingers, and so just changing sometimes to like brown rice and grilled chicken, you know, thinking a little bit more. But it's hard because I'm such a picky eater that you know, I'm not gonna be making Bronzino on the weekends with like a top of nod. You know that's never gonna happen. I don't even know what top not is.

my body. Like that nobody talks enough about, like what it's like to lose significant weight and then get pregnant. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't have like fully fleshed that out. I'm like struggling every single day, But no, I don't. I don't I feel sad about like a life left behind. I feel like I lived every minute of my twenties, like on the edge of cliffs, going on trips, partying, like doing everything

I wanted to do. And when I turned thirty over the summer, I was like, you know what, I'm done, Like I really feel And That's what I'm so happy about, because yeah, I like see my friends with kids, and I'm like, oh, I do wish I had, like, you know, joined them. But I feel so fulfilled in that one chapter of my life that I'm really ready to start the next chapter.

but our peace of mind and self worth. To share her journey, Alicia Keys, Grammy winning artist, entrepreneur, and advocate for soul care, Alisha opens up about her struggles with anxiety, how stress affected her skin, and how she turned her personal healing process into a philosophy that helps others into this. I think often those of us who live spiritual lives, we can be quite negligent of our casing and of this body, and you can you can kind.

twenty one, maybe why is it continuing? And it was really hard to especially to be in spaces where you would present yourself and you would feel just so self conscious. I just felt so self conscious and I'm like, but there's a big bump right here, And then most people are like, I don't even see the damn bump. But I see the bump right here, and it's huge, and it feels really uncomfortable. You know, you just feel uncomfortable. You want to know why too, You want to know

what's the matter? Is something wrong why? I thought, I'm what can I do to help this? And so that definitely caused me a lot of anxiety. I started in the music world when I was eighteen, and so that was right kind of at the precipice. And then the stress of the whole universe of music was just so much. And I was trying my best to play it cool and like I can handle it. I can do it. But it was stressful. It was a whole new world.

I had to carry a new weight on my shoulders and try to, you know, kind of like be calm while or cool while doing it, and it was and my skin. I learned that my body reacts to stress. Our bodies react to stress. My personal body physically reacts

to stress. Many of our personal bodies do this, which is obviously why even many diseases come to us from stress, because physically, it's a physical manifestation of this feeling, which is why it is so important for us to figure out, like what gives you peace, what calms you down, what makes you feel safe and like you're in your skin

and you're yourself and these type of things. And so of course I didn't know what that was for a long time, but I realized that it was these relationships I was attracting, and it was the you know, the level of commitment I was agreeing to that left no space for me to reflect or to sleep, or to be with my friends, and you know, do those those

outlets that do give you a sense of calm. And so my skin was so reactive that I said, one day to myself, if I one day I'm gonna make something that fixes this this, I'm gonna do something about this,

because I know I'm not the only one. And I realized as I began to you know, live and experience so many different parts of my life, motherhood and you know, raising young kids and finding time for yourself really and getting rid of those toxic energies that were attacking me in real life, I realized that you really have to take care of your soul, like you have to take

care of your soul. So this philosophy of soul care really came from all of these understandings and all of these realizings that no one's going to do it for me. Like no, as much as I really really wish someone would stand up and be like you, you're not good for her, get out of here, that thing you you need to stop, No, I have to be the judge of that. And therefore I have to find my way to the understanding of how do I hear myself to know what is good and what is not, or what

is real or what is true? And so there were many things that brought me to that place. Some of them were meditations that brought me there and really brought me to a more intuitive space. Some of them were just practicing the art of like, no, what do you think? No, I know six friends said this, or I know that very strong energy that always tells everybody what they think

said this, But what do you think? And that became the practice of soul care, and also these ideas of ancient rituals and what are some special ways that we can have peace and calm? And I was attracted to crystals and their powers and their meanings. I was attracted to journaling. And I have a very difficult time as a kid, I had a difficult time pressing my truth, and I realized that when I would journal or do the stream of consciousness I could, I could actually just

release it. I could let it go. And if I'm not good at doing that to someone else because I didn't trust as fully, I can do it with myself, you know. And so these practices of how do you kind of like depend on yourself to find your own grounding became my idea of what soul care is, which eventually became how I said, I'm going to make that thing to fix that thing became this key soul care, and the idea is, to me, it's a philosophy, it's a way of life. It's a lifestyle to me, you know.

You know, the beauty industry or the skincare industry, just like the music industry, all of it is kind of creating how to live within the chaos, and so how do we do it? Nobody teaches us. Normally it's a blessing if someone does, but normally it's not so finding these ways through affirmations, through the idea, idea of really connecting to yourself and using the affirmations around every battle because the ideas you wash your face, you do that

every day with the Golden cleanser. You can also think about how I'm devoted to this moment because so many times we're over here, over there, back there. How can you just be right here with yourself right now? And so the idea is like creating this mixture of ancient rituals and we're skin meats, soul and sole care because we have air care, hair care, and nail care, body care, home care, but we never had soul care. Why so I want to start it.

well as that which is around me. There's so much of that connection from body, mind, spirit and soul that I think we lose and we don't realize how interconnected they all are. Confidence is something we all strive for but often misunderstand. We think we need it before taking action. But what if the key is to act first, even when we don't feel ready. What if confidence is something we build as we go, not something we wait for.

To help us break through the myths of confidence, we have Lisa Billu, entrepreneur, best selling author, and co founder of Impact Theory. Lisa's journey from stay at home wife to powerhouse businesswoman has given her a unique perspective on what it really takes to build confidence from within. Let's hear what she has to say. So, I think confidence

is such a important and powerful topic. I wanted to ask you because I think there's so much material and you do so many interviews around confidence and what it means and what it feels like. How do you define confidence for you and what does it mean to you? And what is something that people can think of because I think everyone has a different view of the word confidence.

many of us back from trying anything. And what I realized was in my own journey, I actually just need to take action. I needed to go into something very insecure, not knowing what I was doing. Practice and practice and practicing, you know, wax on, whax off my favorite movie Karate Kid, and get so damn good that I build the competence to then lead to confidence. So the truth is the confidence is the byproduct of taking action, and a lot

of us don't think of it like that. We think it's going to be the magic bullet that's going to get us to actually take that action at the beginning. And so that's where I actually reshaped and how I rethought of the word confidence. And then also for me, confidence is like a muscle. If you don't keep practicing it, you won't actually get strong at it, and if you

stop practicing, you will get weaker. And just like when you go to the gym, you may practice like your biceps or your legs, it's a different mechanism to practice working your calves than practice in your bicep. So that is what confidence is. It's not like you get confidence in one area and you're good to go. It's like you get confidence maybe being in front of the camera. But being in front of the camera, as you know, JAY,

is very different than being on stage. So when someone sees maybe you've got confidence in one area, it doesn't mean that you've got confidence everywhere else. And I think people, if it's you and you're thinking about it, you may then think that you're incompetent, or you're no good, or like it's just well, I don't have the gene, so

I may as well not get started. But the truth is, identify where you can't want the confidence, get started, build that competence, and then eventually it will breed confidence.

whatever it may be. And you're almost validating a skill, quality or attribute you have by yourself. And I think it's so interesting, and you're right. I think we've viewed confidences. How do other people feelout us? So we look at it as like, Oh, that person looks so confident because they're like walking out their car, they got that swag, they're like dripping in great clothes or whatever it may be.

And we see that as confidence. But we know that that person could be sitting in there going, oh, I'm not the right size, I'm overweight, underweight, I'm whatever else it may be. In criticizing themselves, I was wondering, what is something that took you the longest in your life to build confidence around?

So as that staying home wife, I didn't make any change because I didn't feel like I was capable of anything, because I was so insecure. That voice my head was so negative Jay telling me all the reasons why I was no good to try anything. And so in order for me to build my confidence to move forward, I was like, well, what if I am bad? Who cares you have to actually practice? Why do I think that I can be amazing at something?

I believed I wasn't good enough to try. And so I had to build the internal confidence to take that action to actually just try and understand that it's going to be a process. And without that I never would have got out of what I call purgatory of the mundane when my life is just mundane enough and so I'm just stuck there day in and day out. And that idea that even if you don't feel good enough, you can still take action, I think was the biggest thing that was the heart for me, because I didn't

want to get bullied. I was already bullied as a kid for my looks from other women, so you can imagine me trying anything. That fear of being bullied from other girls was so petrifying that I didn't even want to take a chance, and so realizing A have to build that within myself. And you said the word validate actually earlier. That word really sticks with me because I think a lot of us wait for validation external validation.

We wait for someone to tell us that we're a good Greek wife or an amazing husband or a fantastic wife, and that can actually hold us where we are. Because I was so seeking validation from everybody else, and at the time I was getting validation from being that stay at home wife, and so you can imagine I have low self esteem. I don't believe in myself. I don't think I'm good enough, and everyone's validating me for this one thing, even though I don't like that one thing.

That validation, that feeling good about yourself is what kept me there. So I think the trick is is how do you make sure that you value yourself? And that became the path for me building my confidence every single day. What am I going to do to validate myself? Not get validation from my partner, from my boyfriend, from the exit, how many likes I got on Instagram?

own instincts. Let's hear how she learned to let go of expectations and embrace her true confidence.

blind date and you're like, where'd you grow up? Power, and we both were like we were chubby kids and we had to learn how to love ourselves. And I was like, how funny would it be? That was like I ain't no sas too, but I can't shake it, shake it. And I'm like, I'm not a confident dancer that dances in front of everyone, but I imagine if I was. And I remember being like, I'll sing the

demo who cares? And it was like a raw demo with no autitude and nothing, but the lyrics hit so many people that they're like, this is gonna be huge. Who's singing it? We'll just let her do it. So it was really from like a weird, raw place, like I wasn't chasing radio, I wasn't an I fell into that before when you're talking about competition, I didn't know about charts and all that stuff. When they're like you're number one, I was.

just do me. Yeah, and you'll hear that come out. And the first song they put out was a emo, toxic relationship song. I was like, oh, okay, coming out passionate.

I'm like, I cry so much. You just don't know it because I don't film myself and post it, you know, So I say in the first verse, like I posted a picture, I read all the comments, I hearted the good ones, and if I'm being honest, I probably spent an hour on it. And then I'm like, and it's just like a fun way of being ruthlessly honest. Ruthlessly that's not the word, brutally honest.

to improvement. Let's hear how he developed that mindset. And you talk about that because you talk about you know, when you talk about missing five throws and you talk about getting over yourself. Yeah, right, like getting over yourself? How did you get that mentality of just being like I need to get over this, like I need to get over myself? You know?

But guess what, there's Wednesday. So are we just supposed to live our lives like this the whole time, you know, versus just staying like this and understanding that it's really just a journey of evolution. Every day is constant improvement, constant curiosity, constantly getting better. The results don't really matter. It's the figuring out that matters.

they're just based on that result. But they're not focused on growing this young child into becoming a better athlete and through that teaching them how to become a more well rounded person. And we're missing that.

like you think strategically. Like that's a very strategic thought of saying, this person could be this in the future if they were developed as a whole individual rather than just like let's use them for the short term. And where did you develop that from? That ability to see beyond, to think deeper, to reflect deeper, Where did that come from? Well?

I'm happy to like tap the backboard, you know. So I had to look at it from a long term because I wasn't going to give up on the game. So I had to say, Okay, this year, I'm gonna get better at that. Next year, this and then so forth and so on, and then patiently I was able to catch them.

Tuesday get better, Wednesday get better. Right, and you do that over a period of time, you know, not like one month or two months. I mean it's three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten years, and then you know you can get to where you want to go.

figure it out. If something resonated with you, Share it with someone who needs to hear it, and I'll see you next time on on Purpose. If you love this episode, you'll really enjoy my episode with Selena Gomez on befriending your inner critic and how to speak to yourself with more compassion.