Gwyneth Paltrow Interviews Jay Shetty ON: Daily Actions to Build Life-Changing Habits & Training Your Mind to Break Old Patterns

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me and Gwyneth Paltrow at her Goop event. This took place at the Porsche Design Center in LA and there were only around one hundred and fifty people in the audience. This is a sneak peek. This is what we do on on Purpose. I really hope you enjoyed this conversation. I can't wait to see your reviews and I hope you share it. I'm so happy to see ye thanking me. I didn't know if you were going to make it after all those dwelling parties that It has been a

really crazy week, but in a good way. And I'm just really grateful to be here with all of you. Thank you so much for having me. This is beautiful. Thank you so much. Thank you. So I would love it if you could just give everybody a little bit of your amazing story and how you came through being a monk and into being this amazing life coach and motivator and all of the amazing things that you are. So I was born and raised in London, and I grew up in a family where I had three options

to be a doctor, a lawyer, or a failure. And I chose the third option. And so, to my parents' surprise, when I was eighteen years old, I told them that when I graduated from school that I would go off to become a monk. And they didn't believe me. They were just like, yeah, sure, it's a faith. And so when I was eighteen years old, I was invited to an event at my university and it was somewhat similar to this in the sense that the event was around

introducing people at university to thinkers thought leaders. I know, you've had an incredible lineup of guests this evening, and I went along because my friends promised me that we would go to a bar afterwards. I didn't want to go to this event, and I said, as long as we go to a bar afterwards, I'll come and hear

this monk or whatever you want me to hear. So I went along to this event and this monk was speaking, and I went there expecting nothing, but I walked away feeling like I had completely found a new path in life because the monk was speaking about selflessness and service and using our time to have an impact in the world. So when I graduated, I traded my suits for robes. I lived on the floor. All my possessions fit inside

a gym locker. We meditated for four to eight hours a day, and I lived that life for three years. And then at the end of it there were two things, and the fast version is my teachers said to me that they felt that it was time for me to go on and share what I'd learned. It was one of those it's not you, it's me conversations. I basically got kicked out of being a monk. So my parents

are like, you failed at this too. And when I came back, which was now eight years ago, I really really saw a world in which everything I'd learned I felt had so much of a space in these busy, hectic, chaotic lives, and I had no idea how I was

going to try and share what I'd learned. But I started and took a few steps and then you know, here we are today, where I've been really fortunate and feel really grateful that I've been able to work with so many incredible people, have been able to connect with so many beautiful humans, have been able to connect with so many of you that I bumped into today as well. And I think that it all started because I met

someone who changed the trajectory of my life. And had I not met him, then I wouldn't be here today. But that's a that's a pretty extreme outcome, right, Like a lot of us have read a book or her a talk and felt inspired or felt a calling to change our lives or to think about things in it was a different way. But to go and renounce life as you knew it for three years is a pretty bold move. And I wanted to ask you what was the process like of letting go of the material world,

if you will, And was that traumatic at all? Was there grief in it? Like? How did you get used to the life as among having been just a normal London student. I think there were a few things. The first thing was when I met him, and now when I reflect on it, I realized that at the time, when I was eighteen years old, I'd met a lot of people who were rich. I'd met people that had been famous. I'd met people who were successful. I'd met people who were strong and powerful and beautiful. But I

don't think i'd met anyone who is truly happy. And he was happy, he still is happy, still a monk today, and he was happy, and I thought, I want to understand that, And it was almost a moment if I want that. So my twenty two year old self, when I went off to become a monk, I had this boundless enthusiasm to say, I want to live this process exactly how they live it. I don't want to take any shortcuts. I don't want to let my mind keep me in my comfort zone. I have to go all out.

And so I feel like it was almost a boundary or a commitment that I made that no matter how I feel, I'm going to live it exactly how they do, because maybe if I don't do it how they are, then I won't read the benefits. And so I think, actually it was easier at the time. Now if you ask me to do it, feel like, no, I'm fine, I really like my bed and I like sleeping for eight hours a night. But at the time I had this enthusiasm which was I just want to see if

it works. And I think that's why many experiments are so important in our lives. You don't have to do it for three years, but the mini experiment of let me for a week follow it exactly like this person saying, let me for a weekend, do exactly what I'm hearing or reading in this book or from this speaker. Let me for this day, just live that way and see

what happens. And so actually removing myself from the material world when I became a monk was easier because for the four years in between, I'd been doing these mini experiments. So the first time I went to the ushroom and they told me that I couldn't listen to fifty cent like that moment, that moment was hard because I was like, what, I don't get to listen to music? And then they told me that I wouldn't get to what's television or

so the first time I went that was hard. But what I realized was the sacrifice was just not comparable to the payoff. And I think that's what it comes down to, You have the choice to do all these things whenever you want, any time. So to close off for a day, a weekend, a week it's worth the test, It's worth the experiment. So interesting. So what do you think it is about not having free will in whatever

these circumstances are that has power in it? Well, I think I think we've come to a place where we feel that freedom and the freedom of unlimited choice is power. And we've all realized, and the science and the studies all show this that the more choice we have, the worst mistakes we make, and we make poorer decisions based

on this complete, limitless choice. And I found that actually, when you stripped away some of that choice, your ability to make decisions grow because now I wasn't experiencing what we all know now to be called decision fatigue. I wasn't wasting my time making decisions that were irrelevant to my personal fulfillment and satisfaction. So now, when you're not having to think about certain choices in your day, you're

freed up to make choices in a healthier way. And so I found that actually making certain parts of our life systematic, routine, habitual, communal as well allowed for space for creativity, spontaneity, and true expression, whereas I think a lot of us feel like, no, no, if I just can choose everything that I do every day, that will give rise to spontaneity, but it does the opposite. Yeah.

Does that make sense? Yeah? Totally. It sounds like it adds like these are the layers of responsibility that we heap on ourselves, which is like choices that we make actually keep us sort of slave to the responsibility. Yes, exactly. So when you were there, you were you able to really connect with happiness and did you bring it home? I think when I was there, I was able to really learn how to find stillness in discomfort, and I think that was the biggest thing that I gained from that.

So I'll tell you a story of an experience that I would never wish on anyone and do not recommend. But we did a seventy two hour train journey from North India to South India. Seventy two hours. It has random stops, but you don't actually physically get off for longer than fifteen minutes at a stop, So there's no pause for seventy two hours, and as a monk, you travel in like coach, but coach in India is not

coach in the United States. So coach is you're literally surrounded by people who haven't paid for a ticket, like it's just infiltrated with people, and you're just surrounded by all these villagers and people that you haven't even met, and they don't have a ticket, and you don't even know where they're going. And I decided that I wouldn't eat for three days because on the first day I saw the state of the toilet and the restroom on the train, and so I decided I would do a

voluntary fast. And you know, to all my teachers, I seemed really detached at this point. They were just like wow, and I was like, yeah, I'm just I'm so detached and renounced now from food, and really I was just like, no, I do not want to go in there. So that's this is a very uncomfortable scenario as a Londoner. I'm used to taking the underground and you know, used to driving around my car, and I'm used to you know, clean bathrooms and all the rest of it. So this

is an uncomfortable situation. And it was really interesting because I remember saying to my teacher who we were traveling with, that I would meditate in the stops. I said to him, it's too chaotic on the train. I said, it's too difficult to have focus on the train. When we stop, I'll get off, I'll meditate for twenty minutes, I'll come back on, and I'll do that every stop. And he looked me in the eyes and he said, do you think life is going to be chaotic like the train

or still like the stop? And I was like, is this a trick question? He said, he said, life is going to be chaotic like the train. And so if you don't learn how to meditate on the train, meditating on the stop is not going to help you. And I think that, in a nutshell, is how I feel. I experienced joy happiness. The happiness wasn't in an experience of feeling happy in the way we think about it. It was in the joy of knowing I could navigate any situation. It wasn't that you felt happy because you

did something right. It's because you never felt like you didn't know what to do to navigate pain. And so that's where the definition of knowing how to navigate challenges became more joyful than the idea that I could avoid challenges. And I think that desire of you know where we are today where we call them unwanted emotions, the challenges. Everything we don't want is unavoidable. So if I say I never want to feel pain again, or I never want to feel stress again, that's not true for anyone,

including the monks, including me, including any of us. And so actually knowing that I am going to feel all of these things, but I know what to do with then that is a position of strength and joy and happiness and what do you do with it? Laugh is actually truly one of them. There's their mind is compared to a monkey in the Vaders, and it's been popularized today in psychology as well as the monkey mind. But to refer to the mind like a monkey, and if

you've ever seen a monkey, they are hilarious. So in India, we would see monkeys all the time, and they would trade their banana for a credit card, like they would literally swap and then they would swap it right back. And you'd see monkeys like chase anything that looked like food in your bag and they'd rip it and steal it like they're the best thieves and monkeys are these hilarious characters. And the reason why the mind is compared to a monkey is because sometimes we need to laugh

at the things our mind comes up with. Now, what we choose to do currently is we choose to criticize ourselves or we choose to judge ourselves when our mind does something that we don't like, we think. This literally happened to me the other day. I was I was in Dallas and my first keynote back since the pandemic, and I went in to get a tea at a coffee shop and get some coffee for some of my

team members. And I was waiting there and I went to the front and the barista was serving us and she may a mistake and how much change she gave me and I didn't notice. Actually, I was like, oh, thank you so much. And I was about to walk out, and literally as I was just about to turn, she said, I'm the worst. She just stopped and said and I said, are you okay? And she said, oh, I just gave you the wrong change. I'm the worst. I'm so sorry. And I was like, and I literally looked her and

I said, I said, you're not the worst. You're a human. You made a mistake. It's okay, it's fine, you're wonderful. Thank you for noticing. And then she gave me the right change and I left and I was just thinking, wow, like she saw the monkey mind to make a mistake, and she judged herself. She criticized herself. And so the first thing we have to do is honestly switch critiquing

for laughing. Laugh when the monkey mind makes this mistake, When your mind tells you something that genuinely is not true, allow yourself to laugh, allow yourself to see it with a bit of humor. And when you start to see that, you start to notice that when you don't take the mind so seriously, it doesn't have that much of a serious effect on you. Moving on from that, sometimes our emotions are a bit more deeper, and it's hard to

laugh at them. They're more painful than that. And I find that again in that scenario, our desire is to push them under the carpet, lock them in a door, force them away. And actually, in those moments, understanding that, accepting that emotion and recognizing that, knowing that it's going to be there, it's almost like the weather. If I always say I don't want it to be I don't want it to rain. I never want it to rain, and then it rains. Now I'm scared, I'm unprepared, and

I'm stressed. Whereas if I accept that it's going to rain, I get time to go and pack my umbrella and my raincoat. And so I think it's about developing the umbrella and the raincoat, and for our emotions, the umbrella is community and the raincoat is our tools and our habits and our practices of reflection that it help us break them down. How do we go about cultivating that inner life, that space so that we can separate ourselves from these emotions that blow through us and seem like

they take us over. I genuinely believe that we all have to have a foundation of our daily routine that gives us the feelings we want, so the challenges that we are surrounded by a day where we don't get the feeling we want, and that's what we consider to be a bad day. I didn't get what I wanted

there for today's a bad day. And actually, in that moment, instead of wanting a good day, if we start by creating a foundational set of habits and activities that can set us up for that day, the healthier we are.

So I'll give an example. You know, eighty percent of us study show wake up to our phones first thing in the morning, So we see our phones before we see our partners and our kids, and we see our phones lasting at night after we see our partners and our kids, and so our phone gets more FaceTime than

the people we love. And when I think about that, I think to myself, when you wake up to the phone in the morning, you wake up to notifications, negativity, news, and noise, and these four things make you feel like you're starting your day at the bottom of a ladder, and now you're spending the day catching up to yourself. Whereas if your day started with four key habits of thankfulness, inspiration, meditational mindfulness, and exercise, you're now starting your day at

a plus four. And now even if the rest of the day is challenging, you still end up at a plus two or a plus one. And so I like to set myself up by saying, what are the habits that I can practice today that are going to make me feel like my day's going in the right direction. And they are truly simple thankfulness takes thirty seconds. He's the best way to practice it. I don't recommend a gratitude journal. I don't recommend writing it down. I recommend

expressing it, making it specific and personalizing it. Send a text, send a voice note, send an email, Send a message to someone that you're grateful to for the next seven days. Send them a message and make it really specific. Don't just say thank you GP for this wonderful event not good enough. Say thank you for the amazing deck, or thank you for the incredible experience. Thank you for what this felt like, look like, what it smelt like like. Share the depth of how that experience was for you.

If you do that, gratitude actually as the ability to boost your immune system. It has the ability to shift your perspective and boost your mood. But if you do it in a way I'm grateful for the air, I'm grateful for my kids, I'm grateful for my job. That doesn't have that impact and effect because it stays with you, because it stays within you. And gratitude is meant to be shared. It's a gift that you get to give

someone else. Inspiration is a big one for me. It's at one point in my life, I remember listening to apart from the monks, but listening to Steve Jobs's Stanford commencement speech every day for nine months in a row. And not only did I know the words off by heart, it really changed my heart listening to that speech every day. The words in it are so profound and so powerful that you start to rewire the neurons in your mind likes.

It's genuinely changing the makeup of your mind. I recently sat down with Matthew McConaughey on my podcast and I said to him that I listened to his Oscar's acceptance speech every day. It's a five minute speech. It will only take five minutes, I said. I listened to it every day for thirty days in a row, and that rewires how your mind works. Now, you don't have to listen to people I'm recommending, but whoever it is that

you're drawn to in your life. I promise you, if you listen to the same thing every single day because you like it that much, it will start to rewire how you think. It's as simple as that. And then meditation and exercise, of course, which I can go into, but those four habits for me are like my staple, my main course, then everything else's sides and dessert. Alright, alright, how do you how do you meditate? Do you still meditate for forty five minutes in the morning in the

night two hours? It's been two hours for sixteen years. Two hours. I thought it was forty five minutes. It's been two hours for sixteen years, Siah. So I find meditation elusive, and I do it every morning, and I do TM and like this morning, I had the worst meditation and I was like counting. I wanted to open my eyes and check the timer. And some mornings I go really deep and it's like the most beautiful experience. So why does that happen? And what can I do

to I don't know. It sounds stupid, like improve the quality of my meditation, But I don't know. If you guys, ever, if you meditate, you'd have those days where, I mean, my meditation teacher said to me, even in a shallow dive, you get wet. So still do it. But I was just wondering, like, do you have these euphoric deep meditations every day for two hours? I love that? How many people will never meditate regularly? How many people don't meditate, and how many people don't put up their hands no

matter what I say, I appreciate. So yeah, So I started my two hour meditation practice when I was eighteen years old dirty four today, So it's been sixteen years that I've been meditating for two hours a day, and that form has taken many different formats. So it could be two hours in the morning straight, it could be an hour in an hour, it could be four blocks of half an hour each depending on what day it is, especially now with my busy schedule, it changes all the time.

And how did you land on two hours? Just I landed on two hours because as a monk in my tradition, that amount of time was allotted to anyone who wanted to be a teacher. So for the integrity of my teaching and my practice and the coaching work I do, that's a basic commitment I've made to my teachers as how much I need to do. And so it's it's purely based on my relationship with my meditation teacher, who

has trusted me with the ability to teach meditation. And so it's it's like this big responsibility that I have to give up with But it's beautiful. It's really fulfilling. And so, like you, I have meditations where I feel like I need to check my phone still still to this day, till this day, till this day, and so

till this day, and so the beauty again. So I have had euphoric, deep, immersive experiences through meditation that have proved to me that meditation works that have helped me have a glimpse into the deepest experiences that meditations can take you to. But I don't want to talk about those because they don't help anyone. But what does help is this idea of knowing that what we're actually do when you're having that shallow dive, when you're turning up regardless,

you're training your mind to be where you are. You're training your mind to do uncomfortable things. You're training your mind to not just freely do whatever it feels like in that moment. It's back to the free will. It's

back to the free will. You are showing yourself that even if it's difficult, I can sit with this discomfort, even if I don't sit with the discomfort perfectly, I have sat with the discomfort, and that sitting with discomfort is setting you up for success in so many other areas of your life, rather than the desire of like I don't like this, let me get out of here. And so I find that meditation's experience is not meant

to be a euphoric, ecstatic experience every time. It's actually meant to just give you a signal and alert as to how you feel today. So if you feel distracted today, meditation is just showing you that today you're going to be more distracted. Maybe don't make any big decisions. Use it as a signal. If I meditate and I fall asleep, like I did this afternoon, right, that's my body telling me, hey,

because you are still today, you needed more sleep. So meditation is aligning your body and mind so that they can actually do what they want to do. And if the answer is distraction, let me not make good big decisions today, let me not take seriously today, maybe how I feel about someone, you know, Maybe let me not say something that I don't mean today because actually my mind's distracted. Yeah, you can use it as a litmus test, exactly.

That's I see meditation as that especially interesting, right. It's like a diagnostic tool. Right. And so if someone wants to start meditation, How do you suggest that they do it? Are there certain apps? Are certain books one should read? Yeah, so there are three types of meditation that I was trained in, but that I see across the world today.

There's breathwork, there's visualization, and there's mantra, so a team of course, there's mantra visualization I'm sure you've heard of, but visualization is actually even performed by Formula one races athletes who visualize. And then you have breathwork, of course, which again I feel is quite widely spread today, and that was the order in which we were trained in it. So breathwork helped to calm and steal the body, visualization helped to focus the mind, and then mantra helped really

heal the heart and soul. So it was this ascending process. And so I found that starting with breathwork is a great foundation because it sets you up physically, and then moving to visualization and then to mantra as an ascending process. And so I know there's countless apps out there, I recommend whichever one truly works for you. I don't have a prescribed app because I do think meditation is so personal, but I would definitely start with the breath and then

experiment with visualization in mantra as well. And the power of mantra is phenomenal because hearing the sound, even if whispered, we all know that sound transports us. We can hear a song that we grew up to and you're transported back. You can hear a sound that you don't like, and you're already feeling emotions that you don't like. And so the power of sacred sound or spiritual sound is to

transport you. And so mantra is my chosen form of meditation too, and it's in my opinion the most powerful for those deep experiences within. But I feel breathwork and visualization of the launch pad for that type of meditation. You said that you fell asleep during your meditation today,

and it just reminded me that. So the theme of this has been dreams, you know, sort of following your dreams, and I was wondering in your coaching practice, so when somebody comes to you, you know, I had a session earlier where this beautiful young woman said she's having a difficult time because she's in a job that she doesn't love and doesn't feel like it's her calling, but she feels scared to dare to dream about what that even would be or kind of give herself the permission to

do that. So in your coaching practice, how do you what would you say to her, and what would you say in terms of finding that like? Is that manifestation? Is that like? How do you start to connect with those ideas of who you could be in your next iteration? Yeah, so I can relate to that. I just just over five years ago, I was in a job just like that because when I came back from being a monk, I had to pay the bills, I had to pay

off my student loan. I couldn't rely on my parents, who I moved in with when I first came back, but they weren't financially capable, of course, to take care of me for the rest of my life. And I already moved back in I was twenty six years old after living as a monk for three years, and so for me, I was in that position just over five

years ago. So I know exactly what that feels like and what I'd say to that is the first step is learning to appreciate where you are, because if we can't appreciate where we are, we will never appreciate where we get to. And that is just the truth anyone and everyone. Someone could say, well, you know, I'm am running a great business, but only when I exit will I really feel happy. Or someone may say, I'm, you know, building this brand, but only when we work with this

partner will I feel satisfied. And I feel that we're constantly in any scenario postponing our feeling of joy and success and happiness. And so for me, when I was in this corporate job, my goal was how can I appreciate where I am? And the only way to appreciate where you are is asking yourself, what can I learn

here that might be useful for later? And if I look back and I honestly ask myself, so many of the skills that I learned in that job over five years ago are huge parts of my business, my ventures, my work today. That if I didn't have that experience, I'd actually be really bad at what I do today and I wouldn't have the skills that I do. So I think there is an honoring of where we are

because something in your life has brought you there. And I often say to people like you're exactly where you need to be, and we're scared of accepting that because we're like, well, I don't like being here, But that's because we don't see it as part of our story. So focus on what can I learn in this job. Maybe it's networking, maybe it's sales. Maybe it's connecting with different people from different backgrounds. Maybe my company is launching

a program to learn about crypto. Right, I'm going to dive into that, whatever it may be. As you as an individual, what are you drawn to try and take a moment to learn and therefore appreciate where you are. The second step I'd say when it comes to dreaming is I really believe we dream through people. I think we dream through people. And what I mean by that is that there's a beautiful statement by Marion Edelman who

said that you can't be what you can't see. And I love that so much because if you don't see something happen, if you don't experience it, you will never want to become it or follow it. So if I never met a monk, I would never have dreamed of becoming a monk. I would that would never even cross

my path. And what I find so fascinating. This is why I love what you do and I honor it so much in all the amazing programming you've created, what you've done with Goop, and the incredible work that you've done with the shows that you've created, because you're introducing us to people and ideas that taboo untalked about. And

the point of that is, it's incredible. We live in a world where you can access anything at any time, yet we all follow the same people, watch the same people, and pretty much talk about the same people and shows and things. It's incredible, right. It blows my mind that in a world where we could literally access a random tribe in the middle of another country if we really wanted to through the powers, we're all watching squid games, right,

and no offense to scrid games. There's nothing wrong with it. The point I'm making is that we all get very we all get just enamored by the same things. And when I look at the most amazing experience if I've had in my life, it's when I've become enamored by something that's different and unique and has been more random. And so I feel that there's a need to explore and expose ourselves to people and experiences that you don't just come across every there, and of course that's what

your work's doing. It's why I have my podcast, because I can sit down with people and even if there are people that you know, I'm hoping that we can go deeper with them or go to a place that you haven't seen. And if it's people you don't know, when that's fresh anyway, And so I feel like exposing ourselves to more people allows us to dream through people.

You see someone and you think, oh, I love what they're doing, I love what they're about, I love what they're channeling, I love what their vision is, and then your mind opens up to what's possible. And then the third part of it, truly is that I've seen the most powerful dreams be linked to service and impact. And so I find that a dream is incomplete without service and impact. The biggest and the best dreamers in the world, the people that shift the trajectory of the world. We're

not doing it just for themselves. They were doing it for others. And so when your dream expands into having a service element, then you get the opportunity to work harder than you've ever dreamed of. You're able to learn things that you never believed you could because we're so phenomenal at extending ourselves beyond what we know for people that we love and people we want to serve. So I'd say that that step process, to me, it's very

different from manifestation. I think manifestation we often think of it as well, let me see where I want to be, and I think of manifestation as visualize what it's going to take to get there. So, if someone wants to be something, don't visualize what it looks like to be on that stage, or be on the front cover of that magazine or whatever it may be. Visualize the hidden journey, which is the behind the scenes of waking up at four am, of doing the work, of learning the skill,

of practicing the art. Use your manifestation to visualize yourself breaking your physical and mental limit. It's not in visualizing the destination. And then, as if that's kind of at the base, how do you or when do you decide? No, now it's time for me to jump, it's time for me to take the risk, it's time for me to leave this relationship. But how do you know when you're there? Yeah, I often think that with careers at least, we'll talk about relationships, but with careers at least, there is a

need to build two lanes at the same time. And so I rarely recommend to anyone in my practice for my life to make a leap or a jump, because I feel that not only is the risk high, the failure rate is high, and the fall is really painful and to recover from that can take a lot of energy and effort. And so the pain and stress of managing a day job and doing something in the evenings at the same time sounds stressful, but it's a healthier

route to make that transition. And the day you make the switch, at least in careers to start off with, is the day that you feel you've created enough momentum in this new space where it can now push you and carry you forward. If you make that switch too early, you can actually do a disservice to yourself, where now

you feel like you're still playing catch up. And so I often ask me, will build something that's at least half of where you're at right now financially, so that you can make that leapover And I've had plenty of clients who've done that who. I've been working with a client for the last five years, and within two and a half years was when he decided to quit his job in law to move over to the work he's

in now. And he's already within two and a half years he'd made fifty percent of what he made as a lawyer, and then the next two and a half years, this year he has the opportunity to replace that completely. So I always feel that the financial part is the hardest part, and so I feel like if you've replace fifty percent, that's a healthy time. With relationships, the time to leave is really when you feel you're no longer growing.

You know, when you feel that you're not growing, when you feel like you're not becoming the best version of yourself, when you feel like you're not moving in the direction you want to be moving in, not because the other person's helping you move or not, you just feel that you're carrying so much negative or toxic energy that you feel stuck. That's when you need to shift and make a move. And so that's a much more emotional transition. It's a much more difficult and painful transition, and so

it should not be again done in a rush. I don't believe in fast, big jump decisions. I don't think that that's what works best. Usually as humans, we do better with incremental, small changes than we do with these big, huge decisions. And anyone who you notice has made a big decisions in their life, I promise you they sat there and thought about it for three hundred and sixty five days. Right, you make a decision in a day, that's what it looks like, but really that decision was

made over three hundred and sixty five days. And so allow yourself that grace in space to slowly develop your reasoning for that big decision over time, and then make that decision. Don't feel rushed or forced to make it faster. To develop the relationship with yourself as you're I mean, that's the heart of it. I promise you the relationship you have with yourself will always be the best relationship you could ever have in the world. Like I really

mean that. It is such a joy to be present with yourself and to fall more in love with yourself. And the truth is that no one will ever love you the way you want to be loved apart from yourself,

because no one else can know you that intimately. And even if you try and articulate to someone who you are and what you like and what you love and what you need, they're coming with so much of their own background and baggage and their own challenges and pain and likes and dislikes that it's really hard to translate that. So I'm not saying it's not possible to have meaningful relationships, it's just harder to expect that from anyone else. And

actually that gives you more grace for them too. It helps you receive more of them, and you see it as an addition and extension to the love you have for yourself. So so glad you edited, Jay, Thank you so much. It's always such a pleasure.