Comedian Bert Kreischer: My Constant Battle with My Inner Critic (Overcoming Anxiety, Chasing Approval & The Pressure to Be Funny)

with six Netflix specials to his name. Bert's latest special, Lucky, was number three in the top ten most watch TV shows on Netflix. Bert continues to sell out arenas and is also the co host of Two Bears One K, one of the top comedy podcasts worldwide. Bert's energy, storytelling, and ability to connect with audiences is unmatched, and I can't wait for you to hear it. Welcome to On Purpose,

Burt Kreischer. Bert, you know what's funny? What I still remember the flight we were on together and we sat down next to each other. And I'm going to sound like such a douche for saying this, but I have to say you were the nicest person in the world, and you were so kind and you were like I can't remember how you started the conversation. Maybe you can, but you were like, I really like your stuff, I love what you're doing. And I was the idiot who's living under a rock who was like, I think I

know what you do. It's really cool, but I don't know. And I came back and I told my team, I was like, I sit next to Burt Kreischer, like you know, a texting. He's such a nice guy. He was so wonderful. And they were like, you met Burt Kreischer. They're like, he's amazing, he's funny. And I was like, I'm the idiot who doesn't know. And it was just one of those moments where like, you were so kind, you were so in and you were so sweet, and I was

really touched by the interaction. I never in a million years thought the number one part here in the world and me would have something in common.

And then I get told by like my friends with a professional wrestler, Cody Rhodes, and he said, you know, when I met you, I've never seen more of a pro wrestler personality like you. You explain yourself with it

a sentence and then and explain why you should like me. And I'm like, but it's yeah, I'm a talker on a plane.

at the time. And we start having drinks and we're talking and then she says, uh, what are you doing when you land in LA I said, I'm going home. She goes, don't come to my place. Let's have sex. I said what. She goes, Uh, I've been amount of divorce. That's why I went over to to bet. I'm a little lost, but I'm just looking to get and I went okay. I said, listen, I'm married, and so you

got the wrong guy. I go, but I got the right guy for you. She said really, And I said trust me. Can you just trust me? So we land and I call Mike Young. He's a real name. I go, Mike, and you want sex tonight? And he was like with you. I go, no, I got a beautiful woman forty three years old, and he goes, yeah, give her my number. She gives her to the mother. They meet at the comedy store, they go back to her place, they have sex. They've never talked again, and I was like, boom man,

slam dunk. I got great ones. I said next to Rick Flair one time, and we both drank identically we both ordered drinks for our wives and ourselves and then drank our our wives drinks and then drank our drinks and I was like, ooh, Rick Flair and I drink alike. I had a girl walk me into my room. And so the other night she was like, hey, when it come to your room. I was like, and I got her to the door and I said, listen. I was

really drunk. I go listen. It's very sweet of you, but I'm I'm married and I'm happily married and I don't cheat on my wife. And she had this weird look on her face. And I woke up. The next time I called my wife, I told her, I go, I just I'm such a great guy. And then there was a note under my door and it was like, bert, I wasn't trying to have sex with you. You were too drunk. You couldn't remember what room you were in, and you didn't have a key. I just wanted to make sure

you got home safe. I was like, oh, I shut down a good Samaritan.

since we were a young married couple. I'd text her, I go, just do you know I'm getting jocked, And then I sat a picture in the end it's like she's got a lazy eye and I'm like, oh man, yeah.

she's a savage. I'm like, yeah, you think she looks cute and all this stuff that this woman can like go in and it's and I can, I mean, I can, I can attest to the fact that those are terrible looks.

like in sunscreen, and I just am sitting crisscross apple sauce on a on a surfboard and I look fat and I got a hoodie on. It's so bad. But it's them sending pictures where they think I look cute but I look like an idiot.

I played second base. Flyball to me, Basis loaded flyball to me. I catch it, and then I spike it, and I take my shirt off and I start dancing. Now my dad was livid. He was like, what is wrong with you? And but everyone laughed, and I thought what I was doing was cool and that people were be like, yeah, but they just see this six year old seven year old dancing shirtless in second base. And so my whole life, I think I was always trying to be serious. I dressed up his kiss for the

talent show. I'm dead serious, like you're gonna watch me like kill it out here. And I remember being in the thing. I had a guitar, car didn't have strings. I was going to air guitar and the kid looks at me and he goes. The kid next to me had a violin and he goes, you play the guitar and I said no. He goes, what are you gonna do?

I said, just rock out. He was like, You're just gonna go up there and dance, and I was like And when he said it, I was like, this sounds silly. Yeah, And then I just went out and just air guitared and danced in my mom's tights, no shirt, her belts around my chest, white face paint, but that me and Brian Callahan put on. So yeah, I think, and I think I was that way all the way through high school. I don't think I was very funny in high school, although I was. I learned how to tell a story

in high school. It wasn't until I gave up sports in college that people started saying, I was funny.

I take off. That's when I'm practicing the story. And then I get there and they'd be like, hey, tell us about the fight. And I'd be like, okay, got a pivot. Here we go. And I remember the first time I set a line that like worked well, I said, dude, he got knocked out. I mean this punch started in Miami and ended in Washington State, and they were like, oh, like it was just it was like storytelling was our thing. And if you could tell a good story, like beach week,

you came up to the room. Everyone wanted to know if you hooked up with that check and you had to have a story about it.

deep to hear the story. And then you know, we had two lunches. So the next people come in that was Ty Rodriguez, like tell it again, and I mean everything was like a tragedy, like a comedy of tragedies for me.

just gonna sit in her car this is. We didn't have a car to get home. I didn't have anybody to get home. So I sat in her car. I said, you know what, screw it. I'm I'm gonna sleep out in this car. And I laid in the backseat of her car and her dad just comes out knocks on the window. He's like boxers or whatever, and he's like, buddy, this isn't how it's done. I was like what. He goes, I know you're hurting right now. Come in the house.

Trust me. I'll make it comfortable. I said, I they know I've been out here, and he goes, oh, we all know you've been out here. He goes, just walk in the house and sleep inside tonight. I'm gonna give you five minutes. So we went in. I waited five minutes and I walked in the house and very slick. Her dad was like, it was like, Bert, well, can I get you to drink? Would you like a beer? And I'm seventeen and I was like, oh, I would love a beer. And he's like, great, come on, we'll

go sit outside, and just made it very smooth. But I still know her.

And it's just when I think back to times like that, think about how like those moments felt so big then and now when you look back you laugh at them, right, Like it's at that moment that humiliation. Was that like the biggest humiliation you'd had at that point in your life.

of where society's kind of moved into now. It's like, but that was very real.

I was like what. He goes, You're not dying, and if I sub you out of the game, we forfeit the game. So finish out the ending a shortstop. And I remember being like, what, I've been injured, and he goes, yeah, go finish shortstop and they hit a ground ball to me at shortstop. I caught it through it at first. My dad goes, I'm really proud of you go to

the dentist. But my dad just he just didn't. It was not he didn't hit us, you know, but like he just was, like I remember his when I got into comedy, he told me really clearly, buddy, eat shit cash checks. That's how the world works. Eat shit cash checks. His dad was in World War Two. He stormed like Omaha Beach or Normandy, and his dad never talked about the war, sat in the garage, watched Mets games, listen to Met games, and drank beer. And so my my dad lost his dad at thirteen. So I think my

dad was just doing the best he could. But yeah, he told me. I mean, I mean, I remember, I remember it like an older I remember getting anxiety attacks. This is how flat my dad was. One day, I'm laying in bed. It's like after after David Letterman, and I'm laying in bed. I had to be ten years old, and all of a sudden, I have this very crisp realization that death is real. And I went, hold on, I go, one day, you're gonna tell me my dad's gonna die. And I went, oh my god. I started

having a real panic attack. And I went into his room and I woke him up. My dad doesn't wake easily. He's like, if you wake my dad, he's like cold on, you know. And so I scared me. I woke him up and I was like, Dad, are you going to die? And he goes what I said, are you're going to die? And he goes, yeah, you are too, go back to bed. And then I went, wait, I'm gonna die. I didn't think I got it. I knew you would die, but

not me. And that was my dad. I had kids with panic disorder, and I was so not my dad with them. I was so like, yo, I got you, You're gonna be fine, Like but yeah, my dad just he was just trying to do the best he could. Uh stuck into a house that he couldn't really afford to make an ends meet. He's got three kids, didn't expect the third one. He's a lawyer. I don't think

he ever wanted to be a lawyer. I mean i'd say that, I don't know what he'd say, but I wouldn't say he loves his job, but it's his job and he does it. But that was his do not cry, do not cry. And when now I got older and we got into a something and he saw me, like, well up, He'd be like, oh, you better enough cry and I'd be like, cry, now you might explain why I cried so much as adult.

to Tallahassee and they told me the ministry just go talk to the teachers. And I went to drive up to Tallahassee and my dad walked me out to the car. Was like six in the morning and I was getting in the car to drive Tallahassee and he started crying. And I'd never seen him cry, and I was like, what is this? And he was just and he's like when someone shook your kid Like I was like, I got I drove in silence, no music, just in the dark. Just what did I just witness?

they put weed in the popcorn? I go, Dad, it's called an edible and you just ate a lot of it. And so he goes, well, what do I do? And I said, I grabbed a handful, and I said, I'll go with you. We're gonna both eat weed, and we both ate weed. We did a podcast that day and then everyone leaves and it's me and my dad high as crap, drinking whiskey at like five in the afternoon, smoking a cigar, really high, and I leaned over to him,

I go, why don't you like me? Oh, I'm gonna get emotional, and he just goes, He's like, I love you. You just make me uncomfortable. He was like, I love you and I'm afraid you're gonna die. And so I don't know what that does, but I'm afraid you're gonna die. I'm not gonna die. And he goes, you don't know that. He goes, I lost my dad when I was young. I'm terrified to lose you. And I don't understand you. I don't understand your lifestyle. And I said, well, how

can we fix this? And he goes, I want to get you a cardiologist and I said okay, and he goes, you do that. I go, I want you to feel more comfortable with me. And he was like, I can get you a cardiologist. I can do all the tests. I can pick all the tests they do. And I said yeah, and he goes, okay, a cardiologist Monday morning for me, doctor Dan. And they did the CT scan, they did the stress test, they did all the tests

my dad wanted, and everything came back clean. And my dad's like, now you'll go to him every six months and I said yeah. And I want to say, from that day on, our relationship has gotten so much smoother. I mean, I've forgiven him for stuff that he's did and we're just a lot, a lot closer now.

out and I didn't understand it. My parents split up, and I was so mad at my dad. I didn't even want to talk to him. I did. I just I always wanted nothing to do with him. And my uncle Jerry called me and he goes, uh, when was the last time we talked to your dad? And I said, it's been a while, and he goes, well, that shit's over. He goes, you call him today, he's your dad. No, no, Jerry, I'm I'm mad at him, and he goes, yeah, you just found out your dad's a human. Okay, your dad's

a human. He's a regular man, he's not some superhero. So you call him and look, you don't have to say I love you. Just call him, see how he's doing, and just touch base. I didn't, and and and then that was a period you know that was a growing period of that. But uh, yeah, he's a he's a pretty he's a pretty great dude. I'll just say this. You know a lot of people will be at his funeral. That's like the testament for like a great man. It'll be yeah.

see me here. I understand like comedy clubs, but you should come to the Arena. It's a big deal. Dad. And he got there and I don't think he realized what was happening for real, Like he knew I was doing a show there, but he called me and he goes, Wade Boggs is here. Wade Bogs like our hero playing baseball growing up. I said, yeah, I know. I put him in your box and he goes, no, budd, he's here. Do you think he knows you? And I said, daddy's at my show. He goes, Mine, I just saw Mike

Austott football player. I go, yeah, He goes, do these people know you? I said, Dad, I'm the reason they're here. And then he came backstage and Derek Brooks, who's a legend played at Florida State, played it at at the Box, is backstage talking to my dad, and my dad's staring at Derek Brooks going, and he goes, and Derek goes, can you believe how far birds come? He's doing the amily and I he goes, I was his first show at Pop Belly's. And Derek Brooks leaves. My dad goes, Buddy,

Derek Brooks knows who you are. I was like, yeah, I know, Dad, we just spent time with him. He knows who you are too now. But yeah, my dad just he just that was the first time he told me to tell me to stand up.

Shack wanted me to put in a special. It's dare I say, borderline racist, But Shack and I talked. It made us laugh, and Shack's like, you got to put that in a special. And my dad's like, that does not go in the special. And I was like, dad, Shack says, it's okay, and he goes, I don't give a shit. I am not comfortable with that joke, so I took it out. Shack's like, you took it out because your dad? Yeah, what I got a better shock joke now?

was scared of losing you. Like I remember, my dad took me to his the home he grew up in in India, and his home was the size of this room. His home. So the kitchen's in a corner, there's by the way, there's five kids that grew up in this house. There's a bed over here. We get there. Outside there's bats, cockroaches and rats everywhere because he grew up in like slum like area. Disgusting. I'm nine years old when I first go, and then they shared a toilet with like

twenty thirty families. And I remember going there at nine years old, and my whole perspective of my dad completely changed because all of a sudden, I had like a reference point. Now, my life wasn't luxury in London by any means, but it wasn't that. And when you see like bats and rats and cockroaches at nine years old, which like freak you out and you think that's how your dad just walked to the toilet, walked back to

his house. He was the youngest of five kids, and all of a sudden, you just get like a completely different perspective on the man you're looking at. And it sounds like you had that moment as well. And I guess my question is it sounds like it's not something you had to reconcile through a conversation, Like it's not like you've sat there and therapized it out or fixed it. But there's a resolution that's almost happened between both of you where he can come and watch you on stage

even when he hasn't for all these years. Like would you say there's been healing and you said this forgiveness from your side, Like what does that look like when there isn't a conversation, Because I think today we've got so much about you got to have the conversation.

you're an idiot. Why don't you go to your room until you realize what an idiot you are, and then when you come down, I'll explain to you why you're an idiot. So I went to my room and I was like, I don't know why I'm an idiot? Like what did I and everyone should be against war. My dad came downstairs. I go, I don't know why I'm an idiot, and he goes, okay, there's a lot of interesting things about this war. Number one is the first

televised war we've ever seen. We're watching them go to war and it starts like a football game, and me and you have the opportunity to watch this. Number two, this man saw him saying is a monster who was own people and we are going in to get rid of him. You do not know any of the politics, so shut your mouth and sit down and watch the war.

And my dad was like that with everything. If you ever said an idea, if I to this day, if I say, if I say something anything political, my dad takes the opposite side and will tell me so in a weird way. It never gave me a foot to stand on politically. So why I don't talk about politics on stage Because whatever I would say, my dad would tell me I was wrong. He wanted to show me. I think he was protecting me from looking foolish, or protecting me from being the guy at a party that

was a no at all. And you know, my dad kind of flew under the radar always. And I think when I started getting successful, there was a part of my dad where he no longer had an answer for me. He no longer had the solution. He couldn't he couldn't put me in the right direction. When they fly they're older, I send them to a special interest at the airport. It's a little expensive, but it's easier for them. My dad had to broken hip and got knee problems. My

mom's my mom's a piece, will work. My mom's like me okay and so, and he gets really up. He's like, buddy, I don't need this. I can't. You can't afford this. And I go, I definitely can afford it, and he's like, no, you don't know. So one day I had to send to him like my bank statement and be like I can afford to put you through there, And he was like, what the you like? He just I think and that it's not like the you know, the younger lion taking over the bigger lion, but like like me, like me

not letting him pay for meals. That makes him uncomfortable. Like that's who he's been. He's been the leader of our family. And I'm not saying he's not still our leader. He is, by every stretch of the means he is. However, I think not having all the answers for me and not being able to tell me exactly what to do and be confident in his decision made him very uncomfortable. I think, I don't know, but.

dang it, Like all I've ever wanted is that man's approval. That's it. That's it, entirely, without a doubt, I just like when he says, and he says very often, how proud he is of me. It doesn't it doesn't miss me. It hits me in the chest and it makes me feel great. And the fact that he'll call up and he'll be like, Buddy, we went to the macaroni girl. You know I I say my last name and they go, are you related to Burt Christ or they knew who you were? Buddy. I got a table right away. They

gave me. You know, they do the bacon there, you know, the big bacon. My dad's like that, he loves it. And I think he kind of loves my whatever celebrity I have, because it trickles to him. And now like when he goes to like when he goes like he went to my Special, Him and my mom sat backstage. I didn't go in the They sat on chairs on side stage. And he's deaf and like not death, but he's losing his hearing. So I'm doing the show and I hear him say. What did he say? I'm like Jesus,

Dad said. He said he saw her suck as dick what she lost Wade Albert, He saw her give her a Leanne gave him a blow job, and I'm like, well, you two shut up, but yeah, they yeah, I'm constantly seeking his approval. I think it probably could be said for my career. I think the reason I'm into comedy is I'm searching for approval. I want people to like me I do. I want people to have a good time,

and I want people to go, you were fun. I don't need to be the best comic, but I want the people that see me to really have had a great time.

go back to sleep. I answer it and he says, you are a tremendous piece of shit. And I'm like, I go dad, and he goes, yeah, yeah, it's your dad. And he goes, you are worthless. You have no humility. You're doing nothing. He goes, I just perjured myself in court because of you. The judge said, al, how's your son doing? And I said great, that is a lie. You are not doing great and you never will do great. I have failed you as a father. I gave you no humility. I taught you no life lessons. You never

had to work for anything. Things came easy to you. And I'm telling you. And I said to him, I go it's my birthday. And he goes, I know what day it is. He goes, I gave birth to you. We were there when you got born. And he goes, I'm telling you. And I was like Dad, I go, well, okay, so what do I do with this? He goes nothing. He goes, I'll foot the bill, be a party boy. And I was like, well, I want to. I want to. I don't want you to feel this way about me.

And he goes, no, you should not want to feel this way about yourself. And I said to him, and what can I do? He said, well, if you're serious about comedy, then you'll go to that club tonight and you'll do whatever you can to get on stage. You'll go to that man and you'll say, my name is Burt Kreisler. I would like to be a stand up. I'll clean up, I'll mop up, I'll i'll flip burgers, I'll stand out. I'll do whatever you need. But I

need an opportunity. And I said, I remember saying to him, I go, I can't do it today tonight because I have a party planned. He was silent, and he just goes, you have a party. He goes, you don't deserve a party. What are you throwing a party for? You're a failure. You go to that club tonight, you take yourself to dinner. I want you to write down some goals, and then you after that dinner, you go to that club and you tell whoever you need to you'll do whatever you can,

and you'll do it for free. And I said that that's not how it works. I remember him very clearly saying, Hey, first time young black kid in Harlem, that's how it works for him. Do you know why? Because he has humilion and he knows how to get what he wants. That's how it works for him. Doesn't work for you because you're white and you feel like everything should be given to you. And I went okay, so I said,

all right, I'll do it. So I didn't. I took myself to a restaurant on seventh and Leaker, and then I wrote down twenty six goals that I had planned for that year. So I was starting twenty six. I went to the Boston comedy club. I met a god named Louis Shaeffer and I told him exactly what my dad said. My name is Burt. I want to do this. Any advice, anything you do, get me on stage. And Louis Shaffer said you should move back to Tampa, and I went what. He goes, You're not going to be

a comedian in New York. You don't have what it takes. And I went home almost like victorious. I was like, so, Dad, this is how it works. I told you. I was right. I called him the next morning. He goes, how did it go? I said, not good. This is exactly what he said, and he goes, perfect, this is what I want you to do. You go back tonight and you say the same sentence as if he d never said it to you. And I said okay. So I said, well, what do I do if he says the same thing?

And he goes, You're going to do that every single night until there's a point where you're going to break him. And he's going to go, fine, I'll give you a job. So I went back that night and I went, Hey, Louis, my name is Burt Kreischer. I want to be a stand up comedian. I'm from Florida. He goes, didn't I tell you to move back to Florida. I go, listen, here's the deal. My dad called me a piece of shit yesterday. I feel like a piece of shit. I

need an opportunity. I go, I'm going to be doing this every night for the next year as long as you keep saying this. And he went, fine, if you can bring in twenty people, I'll put you on at the end of the night. Nice And I was like, for real and he goes, yeah, you can go on after it right before Godfrey, and I was like okay, and man, I brought in twenty five people. Someone got heckled.

Karen Bergeren got heckled by four Puerto Rican guys. I brought in because one was going to jail the next day, and I was like, I said I and Louis Shafer comes out and he's like, where's a comic and I was like, no one's here, and he's like, you're on, Let's go put me on stage. And frat boy Burt came out and I lit these four Puerto Rican guys up so hard, and because I knew that guy was going to jail, and I mean, I was like, hey, man,

have fun tomorrow. Don't drop the soap. The place is going nuts, and I was like, I was like, can I give you some advice about jail. I was like, suck it before you and I mean they it was so great. They walked out of the room. The place went nuts, and I was like, and I got a job. Louis Shaefer's like, you can do this every night. Six months later, Will Smith discovered me. Will Smith discovered me, and my dad was floored. He was fed. We watched

the I Sprints on Monday night. Every Monday night. It was a six figure development deal, and I remember that was the first time my dad didn't have an answer

and I said, uh, I said, what do I do with this money? He goes, I don't know. I've never gotten a paycheck like that. Here's buddy. I. I remember him stuttering like, I can't tell you. I don't know. He goes, let me hook you up with Bob Kazari and I still remember the guy's name over at Merrill Lynch and we'll figure it out. And that was when my dad was like, he's like, you met Will Smith. Will Smith taught me how to pitch movies and pitch TV shows, and he was like a blessing in my life.

their their dick is. And he had a fire hose. I mean it was like aw and I got I couldn't peet, I got gunshi And Will says to me, can I tell you everything you need to know about Hollywood? But I'm so in my head going pee pee pee. I didn't hear a word. I didn't hear one word. And then he goes and then he stops peeing. I realized, if I can't be next to Will Smith, I can't sell it show next to Will Smith. I start peeing and all I hear him say is be yourself. That's it.

That's the only thing I heard. And then I went into the room and uh, Will was like Burt used to party hard or something. I was like, yeah, you guys ever try to knock yourself out And they're like huh. And we used to do that in college, and you had to do it on the side of a like put your head against something because if you just hit your head, it's not gonna happen. And I knocked myself just like and we sold a sickcom that day.

power of that? Like, what was the good thing about that? And then what was the hard thing about that? Like there was good obviously that came from it. This work epic disability to turn off, the ability to push through pain, but there must have been some pain that stayed which search for that approval. But what was the good and the bad? Because it sounds like you've been able to process both.

the beach with my dad. We're having a cigar and a glass of wine, and he goes, so, what's the deal, what's our plan? I was, I think I was forty two years old, forty three years old, looking for my dad's approval and this is so my dad. I go, you know, buddy, each shit cash checks thinking, he go, that's my guy, and my dad started crying. He goes, oh, I think I hit you up. He goes, each shit cash checks means is for guys like me with no talent, guys like you need to go after your talent.

No one watched it because I took my shirt off. He's like I remember I'm remember them saying, you know, if you take your short off of giving the reason to change channel. But what's fascinating is the thing that gets them to change the channel. Back in the day where you were Caesar and you'd be like, no, no, is the exact opposite for the internet. You see a guy with no shirt on in the Internet, You're like,

what's this? And you click it? And I posted the machine story and it went viral and it was I remember my but my dad gave me this like insane thing of even if you're sick, you show up, even if you're even if you're hurt, you show up. I think it's my punitive way that I work out is that if I'm hungover, I work out extra hard. I was hungover. I flew all, drank all day yesterday in New York, flew here last night. This morning, I got up at eight, got in the sawa for thirty minutes,

got in the gym. We did abs. Who wants they do abs? Ran lifted weights and sweated out. But that's my dad's mentality is like, you get up, you do your work, no matter what. That was the lesson I mean I and my takeaway from being eleven and getting hurt when you finish in and you don't let anyone down, you don't you get you finish the game, you know. I had a showcase for ICM one time. This is just my dad's mentality, and there was a guy that went opened it and then the next guy went on

was a guy named Earthquake. Do you know earthquake? Unfollowable, black dude who destroys, destroys. His name's Earthquake, I mean just and he's Earthquake because he leaves you the room in an earthquake. And I watched all my friends, I won't say their names, were all all my white friend comedians panic. No one wanted to follow Earthquake. And they just came to me. They're like, you want to go up after earthquake? And I just my dad would be like, yeah, that's your job, do your job. And I went up

after earthquake and he had a joke. His last joke was about his name Earthquake. I forget the joke, but I knew My first joke was about my name Bert. So the joke was was my name is Burt. I know what you're thinking, hot sexy named you do porn. No, I said, BUR's the last name I want to hear during just someone check on top of you in the dark corn ah boot and then I go, sh call

me earthquake and the place exploded. But you know, here's the thing, and this is my dad's my dad's Brent mentality is if you don't get on stage, if you don't show up to work, all the stuff that could possibly make your life great just disappears. And that's been my mentality this whole career is you show up, no matter what. You show up. You got an audition, you show up, you get they want to meet you in a general meeting. You still don't think it's right for you.

You show up. And that's definitely the way I've taken the road. Dude, Let's do the road. Make sun makes hey while the sun shines. Get out there and grind.

so everyone could say socially distant. And I did. I think I did thirty cities. I think maybe did thirty cities, sixty shows and shows I did. I tore the all through the pandemic. That's just the way my brain works. It's like, just because you say no, that doesn't mean look, you gotta do it. You gotta work. Yeah, don't just take the foot off the gas.

is the only takeaway you need. My dad, whether it's true or not, always told me you love pressure, buddy. When all the chips are on the table, you perform your best. I don't know what it is about you, but you love the pressure. You just love it. And I'll tell you my whole baseball career. If we were down, man, all first and second were down by two runs, that's when I performed. When we faced the fastest picture we ever faced. That's the guy I hit the best off of.

And I'll tell you is in stand up I've always done best when the most pressure is on me. I need to do secret time. First show, I bomb. I'm only doing two shows. I bomb. I bomb. I hadn't bombed with this hour ever, and I bombed. The crowd had to wait in the rain, we had a power shortage. It just it was horrible and I'm nervous. I got one more show. This is my first Netflix special. I got one more show. And I'm sitting in the green room and Leanne just echoes my dash. He goes, well,

you know you love pressure. This is when he's going to form the best sit back everybody, and man, that show I mean, best stand up show I've ever had in my entire career was that one show that was murderous.

through pain. It's like, what's the pain that you couldn't laugh through?

to be freaked out. I was like, Dad, it's just it's just hard looking at her. And he goes, no, no, no, no, you're fine. And I go, well, she they have her. She's not smiling, and he goes, are you an idiot? He goes, do you want her smiling in that box? Do you have any idea? Creep you? That is it? And I started laughing and then he goes, there you go. All right, you're out of it. Good, let's go. So then at the end of that funeral, everyone leaves. My

dad and my uncle Jerry. Oh, I mean this makes they go, hey, come on, I said, what they go, let's go, let's go say good bye to grandma. And this was them saying, it's oh, create get a cry. Oh my god, I've never seen two uglier cries in my life. These men let go of years of trauma. I'll tell you, I'll tell you right before she died, this is the hardest I've ever watched. These two men laugh. We go to the hospital. My grandmother's a congenitive heart

failure or whatever. So we go to the hospital. Grandma's in the bed. Uncle Jerry and my dad are in the corner and they're hiding them their faces because they're crying. They're hiding their faces behind the curtains, okay, and they're really emotional, and I'm not, for whatever reason, I'm not in that moment. And I go, hey, Grandma, how you doing? And she goes, ugh, my back hurts. That's that's heart failures when your back hurts. And I go, well, do you want me to rub your back? And she goes,

I would love that, birdie boy rub my back. So I start rubbing her back. I go, I love you so much, Grandma. I go, I think you're gonna make it out of this. And then I go, wait, I think you might have dropped a tissue behind your bed, because I can feel I think there's tissue falling off, and she goes, that's my skin. And my dad and my uncle go from crying to laughing hysterically, and my dad's going he's kicking. I'm going, he's.

this is. This is in Priscilla's third knee surgery. Priscilla had five knee surgeries. On her second knee surgery, they realized the other knee was bad too. They were gonna have to do another one. And the guy goes, listen, you're fifteen grand into this dog. I think it's just I think we need to put her down. And I went what And he goes, I can't promise that these are gonna last. But like I'm telling you, the one that we already fixed, that's bad again. We got to

do that again. So she's asleep. I can put her down right now if you'd like. And I went, well, hold on, and I went, oh my god, give me a can you give me a second, And he goes, yeah, yeah, give me Like, go talk to your wife, but call me soon. So I start crying and I'm trying to hold it together. And I walk in the room and the girls see me crying and they start laughing and they go, oh, mom, dad's crying, and Leanne goes, girls, if dad's crying, we're all about to be crying in

a matter of seconds. He's like, this isn't funny, and I go they want to put Priscilla down in George lad like what and then pull it together? And we didn't put it down. We got two more We got those two knee surgeries, then two more knee surgeries and uh yeah, but they've seen me cry a lot now. Once I once the flud gates open. Dude, I cried it the Avengers movie when when Spider Man died Spider I was sobbing crying and Ila is mocking me. I cry at movies real quick, and they will and they

just you just watch them. They don't even watch the movie. They just watch me and stare at me and giggle.

I'm not sure I do this right. Like my wife goes that's why my wife takes those phone calls and she knows I'm never gonna cheap. She knows I am a wreck. I am a wreck. But yeah, and so everyone's like, really, you've only had sex with sick. Yeah. So in college, I go to a bar and I'm just hoping someone would get me, like I wanted someone that wanted to watch Fletch three times in a night.

she was game for anything. She farted during oral sex and I made a joke and she started crying. I said, what are you crying about? I'm not wanting the fire hole? Do you'm shit in my mouth? What do you you're crying? And she said to me, you're definitely telling this on stage and I wait, I said, what can I And she goes, well, yeah, obviously if I did this, someone else has done this. I'm not the only one that

ever did it. And it's funny. You should talk about this on stage, and I did, and man it was. It was like a killer bit for a while, but like, yeah, she watched this hour and her note was I'm cool with everything you're saying. I need to know the way you're saying it has loved it, Like I started a smile in it because I was doing when you do material a lot, you get bored of it and sometimes you don't show the sparkle in it the way you

did when you wrote it. And with this material, I mean making fun of a woman because she's getting older and she's going through menopause and she's aging. And if you don't say it with love or a smile. That was very exact word. There needs to be a smile and a little bit of rascal your voice, like you need to say. And so she was really adamant about that.

had a period of where Georgia I could tell, thought I was kind of cool. Like Georgia had this like we took her on fully loaded one year, her and her friend Daisy, I got this great picture at the end of the night, I we I tell the machine, and then I'd bring all the comics on stage and I'd have them bring me a beer and I'd kill a beer and I'd spit it in the air, and it was a fun moment to wait to close the show.

It was always a really cool picture. And one year I call all the comics out and then everyone starts walking off and I'm saying goodbye, and Georgia comes out. I got this great picture and she throws her arm in the air like she just did a stand like she like she didn't stand up, and I was like, what are you doing? She goes, I just wanted to see what it felt like. But like I think they

think I'm okay. I don't think they think I'm cool. Like, in all honesty, if I didn't ever go to their college ever again, they'd be very comfortable with that.

And she was like, yeah, I'm not going here. And I was like, what, she goes, I'm not going to a place where you have fans. I was like, baby, I think that's gonna be tough. And then she was like, I won't go to Florida State. I won't go to Florida. I'm not going here, not going to Georgia. I'm going I'm gonna find my place. And so I didn't go look at schools with her. And the next two schools she looked at she loved. She got into both of them and she chose one and same with Isla. Would

they hate when I get recognized? Last night we flew in and paparazzi was waiting for me at the airport, and Georgia was just like like she walked in and stood by a wall and was like, she was like, can we just mom, can make this stop? And I was like, I don't. I'm not rude. So I'm like, I'm gonna talk to them. If they want to talk to me, I'll say something to them. I'm not gonna be there forever, but yeah, they I think they would be cool if I wasn't famous.

something going on with Georgia. By the way, we didn't know this, but we all had COVID at the time, and so George's having a rough time and she has a meltdown and she's you know, you know what a junior in college high school at the time, she's having a meltdown and I'm talking to her in front of where we're staying, right by the lifts, and we're both

in our ski outfits. I'm hold by snowboard. She's got her snowboard and she's crying, and I'm trying to talk to her and help her out with this thing she's going through. And these two dudes are like, oh shit, the machine. And I just look in her eyes and she's like, and I was like, what's up, guys, Like can we get a picture? Like I'm kind of doing a thing like real quick, real quick, and I'm like, it's easier just to take the picture than to and so I take the picture. She goes, I understand that

this allows us to do this. She goes, it would be nice just to have my dad sometimes, and I was like, I know, And it's sharing your your time with fans is what is difficult for them. And I'm not a good guy at like saying no, like I don't. I've seen my friends do that before and it always rubs me wrong. I'm like, just take a picture with it.

unduring the pandemic. They were in an apartment and they're just like, this is miserable, and I get that a lot. I get, you know, right now, the one I'm getting is, you know, you know, we just put our dog down. You I've never I've never laughed and sobbed at the same time. Thank you for letting us process. And but you know, at the least I can the least I can do is take a second and talk to someone who wants to say hi to me.

like being in the hospital, and there's a there's a real beauty in that. Like have you ever sat and thought about like, was this the first time in this special that you got extra emotional and got people to crimes? Was this like one of the first times, or.

And I was like no, why should I? She goes, absolutely, Dad. Do you remember you almost shit in Papa's mouth? And I went, oh yeah, And then she kind of broke down the story on stage told it. I went, that's my closer and I was like, good, I'll get made fun of if I do this dog story. Everyone's going to make fun of me. And and and say, I

just I can I'm thinking of it too much. And then I do this special and everyone I was working with was like, are you seeing what's happening in the room and I was like, no, because you can't really see anything. And they're like, yo, we're out there, and they're like grown men are sobbing crying, like people are holding each other and laughing and crying at the same time. They're like this is different. Like I remember a dude I really respect I brought with me on the road.

He's like, that has to be your closer. He's like that. He goes, I don't know one comic making people cry, but making them happy cry like they're crying for something they love, and then they're laughing and you end on a laugh. He's like, you have to do it. I just didn't know if it was working. It was like where you said about writing a book, you sit with it for four years and then and I shot this in July and it just came out this March. So I've been sitting on this special and I just was like,

I am going to get destroyed. Like I just started in my head going like, no one's gonna like this. Everyone's gonna make fun of this last story. They're gonna go, oh, bird always cries, that's all he does. And and I put it out like the first day. It was trending at number two and I went which I'd never trended over six, and I was like, WHOA, that's weird. And I went into my stories where people like mention you, and it just looked like a straight line and I

was like whoa. And I was like, I only got one story. I only got one person mentioning me. And I hit it and I hit it and I was like, oh my god. I couldn't get the line to go away. And I was like, and it was all about this story. Everyone was just sobbing, crying. People were sending me pictures of their dogs. They were holding their dogs, they were filming their husband's crying. They were I mean, it was so cathartic for me. And I'll be very real. So you go on Netflix on a Tuesday, you find out

if you trend on Wednesday. I did press all Wednesday morning, from six in the morning till nine o'clock. I don't know if anyone's liked the special. I don't know if it's trending. I don't know any of that. I go and take a nap and I'm waiting for an agent or someone to text me. Like I figured, I said to myself, if it's just trends in the top ten, I'm gonna be happy. Look, i'm fifty two. Maybe there's guys doing it better than me, younger than me. I

expect them to just blow my doors off. Just please tell me I have another year of doing stand up like the way your Head thinking. And I took a nap. I woke up and I got a text from a younger comic I really really like Ricky Blez and he just said, Yo, man, you're killing it. This is a great special. I've been a fan of yours for a while. I'd love to hang out next time in LA and not do a podcast hang out. And I was like, that's cool. And I like this guy. This guy's doing

what I was trying to do at his age. He's doing it way better than I'm doing it. So I was like, oh nice. I was like, you liked the special? Cool. I was like nice, a young kid liked the special. And then my texts blow up and that's when I went into my stories and I saw it. And as I'm watching the stories, people are saying I started sobbing, crying, just out of gratitude, out of just sitting there going like oh, the thing I did is good. It's not horrible.

no one's going to care about me, No one's going to care about you, No one's going to care about ninety nine point nine percent of everyone who's relevant current whatever trending we want to call it. And there's that thing that creatives go to where you see them holding on to their last bit of relevance and significance. And it's painful to watch, Yeah, but you understand it because you go, well, wait a minute, I really liked no matter how much we say, Like you know, Ellen said

something that I love, she goes. I used to always say I didn't care what people thought. That's when everyone thought I was amazing. Like, you know, it's like it's really easy to I don't care what anyone thinks when I'm the number one person in the world. But then when you actually are not number one, number two, number three, number four, you start getting down on that list. You'll

be on number ten. Now you do start caring what people think, especially like what you said the New God like, and especially when the new God has respect, that's a beautiful thing. Yeah, But when the new god's kind of like, you know, living how you were when you were the New God, who has that overconfidence, that arrogance, how do you think about that? Like how have you reflected? Have you thought about that at all?

When people would talk to me, more successful comments would talk to me, they'd look over my shoulder waiting for someone better to talk to. I was a nice guy. People liked me, but I wasn't relevant to them, and so they were like, ooh, that guy's Oh, that guy's twenty eight and he's killing it. I'll give me one second, but I want to go talk to him. And I

was like, am I cool with that? I remember one to him coming off stage, not wearing cool sneakers, wearing dad jeans and seeing a young comic murdering it in the car that my wife and I had seen in we had looked at that brand car and that he had the car they had in the showroom, a car was like two hundred and twenty thousand dollars and I was like, oh, how can you afford that? So I wasn't supposed to be successful, and I was cool with it. I was definitely cool with it. I was like, I

can just do comedy at Funny Bones. I love comedy. I'll keep putting out specials. Maybe never know. Look, Rogan's a good friend. I can always do his podcast. You know. That's how my brain worked. I had my podcast, but no one cared. And then I had the conversation with

my dad. I got like a from Travel Channel. I had the conversation with Brogan and him and Tommy, but I remember them both saying like, don't worry, we can help you get ad sales, and I was like, okay, and then I posted the machine story and then all of a sudden it went like crazy. I mean I had never experienced that before, like genuinely viral. And then all of a sudden, I started selling tickets and I

was like, whoa, holy crap, this is crazy. He's just selling out and not looking at ticket counts, just going in and knowing everything's clean. And so I really honestly had kind of already let go of all of it, but there's a part of me that remembers, Oh, it was cool when I remember getting right before I got let go in Travel Channel, I got into a town car.

They got me a town car for something, and I remember getting in and going this is the last town car ride in I was like, I should really enjoy this. So I kept always saying that. Every time I went to theaters, I was like, I probably won't do theaters again. You only do theaters once. Really, I'll go back to clubs, but enjoy this. This is the Chicago Theater. Let's go for a job tonight, watch the sunset, and then yo ah,

this is crazy. I'm doing the Beacon. I probably I'm not going to sell two shows at the Beacon ever again. So let's really enjoy this. And I brought my girls that I grew up with in Tampa up to the out to my bus and we hung out. And then when I started doing arena, I didn't even know I was going to do arenas. I didn't know I was doing an arena. I was in Green Bay and I was like, I'm doing an arena and they're like yeah, and I was like, whoa. I got to really enjoy this.

And so I every step of the way have been like I got to enjoy this. But then you know, I take nine months off wait for the special to be released, and I was and I did it again. Am I cool with not being relevant? Am I cool with not being the thing, the shiny object and maybe going back to clubs or going back to theaters. I remember I texted my manager to day, I go, hey, guys, I don't need to do arenas anymore. I can do I love theaters. So Kevin Hart did a theater. I go,

there's no shame. I've been doing a theater a lot of them. You can see a lot of me make more money than an arena. And then a special came out and I was like, it was just like a relief. I was like, I was like, I can breathe. I can breathe that. Oh my god, that is like and uh. And then we're on a call today and they're like, yo, you know, doing arenas again in the fall starting September.

And I told him, I said, And I said to them, I said, you know, hey, when we book out twenty twenty six, I don't have to do arena tours like I don't have to be holding on to something. I'm cool with doing some clubs and doing some some theaters and doing some outdoor venues. I'd like to do the Gorge again, but like I go, let's shake it up, you know. And they were all like really, I was like, yeah, I don't know, I don't care like it's but that it's I've watched it go away for people. It sucks.

You're right, I watching someone hold too Tightly. It's by that song hold On Loosely by thirty eight Specials. So great loosely and don't leg shoh because if you hold you tight girl, You're gonna lose control. You're gonna you're gone. It's a great song. It's a great hold on Loosely.

I was driving to his house and I walked in and you know, it's like it's like a mile drive from the gate to even get to the house. And I was just like, I have to live in the moment that I cannot believe. And now I've been I've been working with him for seven years, so I've driven to this house like every day for years. But I was like, it loses its value when I stop being grateful for it. As soon as it becomes familiar, like what you're saying. I love what you just said. I love, love,

love what you just said. Because as soon as greatness becomes familiar and excellence becomes familiar and all of this stuff becomes familiar, you lose its value. And then when you lose it, you don't you never got to experience it. So you realize you never had it in the first place because you were just running after it like you were chasing the whole time. Oh, you never held it. And what you just said is you held it for that moment.

you're not gonna it's gonna show up on screen. But if you're having fun, it'll show up on screen, like if you were having fun, And he goes, I can't tell you the movie's gonna be a hit. I can't tell if it's gonna be a flop. You never know. But what I can tell you is you're probably only gonna get to make one movie, So enjoy this process. Have fun. And man, I had so much fun making the Machine. It was the experience of a life time because every day I was like, I will never make

another movie. I will never have another movie where I don't have to memorize lines because I say whatever I want to say, Like it was like the greatest life experience of my life. But yeah, that's how I look at every project. This is the probably last one I'll do. You know. I thought, I know I have one more special with Netflix, like I owe them one, and I go, that might be my last one.

this for two years. I work on this same stuff, and when I do my last taping, I did six shows, and on my last taping, I was present and I said, this is the last time I'll say these words. Oh, it's like it's like I give them the universe there. I'll never get him again. And I get so emotional saying that. But you know, you're so your material is who you are, and I can and I go, this is the last time I'll say this word, this wording and this cadence, and it's just so. It's with the band.

You never do that. And then sometimes you tell a story like a machine and you've been telling it now for fifteen years, and I'll still tell it. I'll still tell it. Listen. I was that story. He changed my I sat listen. I sat in the Rymen Theater. There's a woman named Angela Johnson, brilliant comic. She's got a great nail salon bit. I was with Arspear and Nate Bargatzi. None of us were working very well, none of us were making money. She had sold out the rhymen and

they were chanting for this nail salan bit. And I said to the Lord, I said, Lord, give me one bit that people give a shit about. I'll tell it until the day I die. And he was definitely listening. He's like, I got you. I'll one up and I'll make it a twelve minute bit. You're gonna make a movie out of this bit. I'll tell I got you, And that's my nail salon bit.

about anxiety, intrusive thoughts like why were you comfortable enough to open up about that without thinking people are gonna pick it that look at that weird your peers kind of where where did that get you to get that courage and confidence?

And when anxiety came up, I just was like, yo, it's I have anxiety. Like I have anxiety, have really bad anxiety. I have OCD, I have intrusive thought I have I have struggled with all. I don't know. I don't think I have depression only because I just I can't. I can't, I can't. I think people that had real, real depression. I think it's insulting for me to think the thing I go through is depression. I know what

it's like to have anxiety. I had an anxiety attack driving in college and I didn't know what it was. I thought I had a brain tumor. And then the first time I was explaining it to someone then and this is I mean, this is probably twenty seven years old. Twenty eight years old. I was explaining it to someone and they were like, oh, you get anxiety attacks. I went to a therapist and she said, I have a fear of flying. I don't know if you've noticed, but I have a fear of flying ritual as I do

when I fly. She said, well, yeah, you have anxiety. I'll let me give you Xanax. Then I took Xanax and I was like, oh my god, is this what regular people feel like? I was like, are you kidding me? And then I developed a problem with annex as many people with anxiety do. And my wife, right when we had Georgia, she said, yo, you're done taking xanax like I had taken it. I've been using it, you know, and off for like a year. And she may be a little more in george In lands like, you're done

with x annex. It's you can have one if you need one, but it can't be your go to every night. It can't be the way you put yourself to sleep. And then when I said we started doing podcasts, I just was like, I don't know. I was like, I just be open and honest, you know, I have ruminating thoughts where I just chew a thought over and over again.

and start moving. Second you start moving, things start helping. And I go, get in the gym, getting the saana. Let's get in the sauna. Let's getting the saw. Let's sweats some stuff out. It's just back pain. You trust me, you would have other symptoms and I but I can't connect with it, and it just it goes on and on and on, and I just obsess about it and then and I bring it up to almost everyone. I've brought it up to everyone I've seen today and then I go, no booze, no booze anymore. I'm done for

a month. I'm gonna cut off for a month. That does it. And then I come up here and I see your house, I go, all right, bottle of champagne, what's it gonna hurt? Right? But I have a saying with life, whether you're dealing with anxiety, O C D, eating, uh, drinking, masturbate, whatever, you're a little thing is my saying is, and it kind of calms me down. Let's do today just a little better than we did yesterday. That's all. We gotta do,

just a baby step a little better than yesterday. And if we have a bad day today, realize tomorrow we're gonna have We're gonna do better. We have an opportunity to do better tomorrow. And so I've been stuck in that mindset today and I said, let's just get let's do a little bit better today than we did yesterday. And so that's where my head's at. But yeah, they've got I've had, really And you know, my daughters have anxiety, and Leanne doesn't. They have sleep anxiety. They both had

sleep anxiety when they were young. So Georgia would uh wake up and think she was dying. And I remember I was so glad I had anxiety thenks I could help her. Leanne's like, just go count sheep. I go, uh, let's not count. We're not counting. And that's the worst way to deal with this, just because if you it's shutting your brain off is the thing you need to do. And if your brain's just going after it, you're you're screwed. Yeah,

and so uh, but Leanne's also gangster. She got both of them into therapy immediately.

you just have an anxiety. And then to recognize it. Sometimes it doesn't help one hundred percent, but you can breathe that's one another one thing I always say, like, wait, I'm breathing. I'm still breathing, and I just take deep breaths and I'm still breathing. Crazy anxiety scuba diving.

who looked like Junior Sayou. She was a big woman, and she took me to the bottom of the ocean, and I was like and then, but you know, I got through it. You get through it. Yeah, you always get through it. No one dies from anxiety.

because you do it from twenty two to like, you know, thirty, and then one day you're like, I gotta try to go to sleep without a cocktail or out a goss of wine. First time I did that, I was like, whoa, I can fall asleep. Shut up. Oh my god, I've got enough tools to shut my brain off.

literally is. I mean, I name that tour, this because when someone's like, hey, man, when someone likes a joint, you're like, you want that? That's that's like, go let's do it, let's get after it. I love when people crack open a bottle of wine, crack open a drink and go, hey, you want one. It's It's the funnest thing in the world. When when flight attendants say to me, can I get you something to drink? I love that because they don't always say that, but when they do,

I go, here's gonna be a good fight. I always I said, I have a speech that i've I've people get passed around. But it is like a first kiss. When we got married, Leanne goes, I says, it bum you out, You'll never have sex with anyone. She goes, no, absolutely not. I said me either. I said, I think I'm good just having sex with you. She goes. What really bums me out is I'll never get a first kiss. I know for us, that's the worst because we got to do the kiss, all the anxieties on us, We

got to wait the whole night. Does you want to kiss me? Is she gonna gets me? Should I take her? Should I do it in the car? Should do it? When we walk to the car. When should I do it? Oh? No, that was the wrong time. That was wrong time for a woman. It's just this excitement of like, when's it gonna happen? Is he doing it?

year is what December thirtieth when they post our scores. I love whoop and uh. I have found that if I am overly hydrated, my heart rate is lower. So every night before I go to bread, I drink for liquid dests, nineteen ounce liquid dests. I drink four of them. I peel the middle the night, but I drink four of them. My heart rates around fifty six beats per minute when I and that's after having you know, bottle of wine or some porosos and so I'm wildly hydrated.

And that is my key for my whoop. Also, you know, for me, it also tells you how hard to work out. I love that. I love a goal because you know when we did the first show of October, we were Charles all trying to set goals of how hard we can work out, and that when you see the top of the mountain, you know where you have to go, and so you go, all right, I'm not done. I'm getting back on the treadmill. I'm gonna get on the

assault bike. Okay, here, we're going to do the ski org for We'll do And I like, I love that, Like right now I've already hit my goal. My goal was like I slept horrible last night. My goal was, uh, I think at ten and I'm at nine point six. But if it wasn't, go to the gym, hit the ski urg ten calories ten times and we'll see you just get there ten and get them a minute break. Yeah. I like this shit.

for me, I was like, I'm into fitness tracking. And then when they sent these to us for the first second Sober October, Buddy, I've been this thing does not come off my wrist unless I do a special I take it off. You're gonna need to pay me for that. Whoop.

you're going to give you some more. Some answers so questionable. One is, what is the best advice you've ever heard or received.

are undeniable? You're like, h that was great advice.

one with a shirt. Do not do it without a shirt. And I was like, I don't know. I can't remember thinking I'm a little different, like I want to do it my way, like I know that, And then a lot of people were like, why would you not wear a shirt, my dad, Why would you, buddy put on a Brooks Brother's coat a tie look sharp? And I was like, no, I'm going to do it shirtless. And thank god. I mean, like, I think that's been my I mean that's how some people times. People just go, oh,

I didn't recognize you with a shirt on. That's so good.

And they let both the dogs out and they chased a woman and I couldn't get them say that the collars and I came in and I started yelling at my girls, and Georgia goes, just so you know, when you get to hear, we know there's nowhere else you're going. And I was like what. She goes, the threat's over. This is as bad as a guess. And I was like, well, she goes, you're not gonna hit us, so it's not working, all right? And I was like, oh shit, and I realized, oh,

it's not working. You can't just go like that, does it? I'm not because this is as bad as it gets. I go, Okay, where does it go from here? And then Georgia took the car with her friends and you're not allowed to do that, and she was like, here we go again. LeAnn caught her and I said, yo, come home right now. She drops her friends off, she comes home, she sits and she's like, all right, do it like that? I go, hey, it's just unsafe. Can

you do me a favor? Just write, like, write like a thousand words on why you think that I'd be upset about this? And she started crying and she goes, wait, you're not gonna yell at me. I went, no, it doesn't work. You said that it doesn't work, and it doesn't work. You still you're still doing bad things. So like, just write a thousand words and then give it to me. And she started sobbing, crying, and she was like, she goes, I think you're you're turning into like a really great dad.

And I was like really, and she goes, you understand me, your dad. It didn't work, and then she wrote a thousand words and it was all thousand words why she loves me and doesn't want to let me down. And I went, oh shit, yeah, I love my dad, but he didn't do that.

them do it to you? Sometimes my inner dialogue is it can be really punitive, and I think I think if people heard it, they would it would break their heart a little bit. And I that's the one thing I tried better to change about myself is my inner dialogue to be more positive about myself. But at the same time, that punitiveness is the thing that drives me a little bit, where I go, don't let them if they think that about you, You change, you do better,

You get that does it. Let's get in the gym, let's write, let's read that script, Let's let's do that movie. Let's challenge ourselves to do that. Let's go back on door, let's take time off. Like I think that inner dialogue, as unhealthy as it may be, I bet if most people heard that inner dialogue, they'd give me a hug and go I do the same shit.

And it's like if you have one or the other, it doesn't work. If you have high standards and you have low grace, you can't actually keep to those high standards. And if you have low standards and high grace, well then you'll never get anywhere.

that last loss. But because I've lost a ton of points in my life, he goes, My skill is not to not lose points. My skill is to be able to leave that point that I lost in the background to go win the next point. And I feel like that, that's that compassion, that's that grace of like move on next one, like you did with your next special the first one didn't work out, next one, Like let's see what can go.

He may die. And I'm like I look at my dad's eyes and he's like I live with this woman.

of hurt a little bit. And she goes, and I know that wasn't your intention, but it didn't make me feel like I was still part of the team. I felt like I was now an outsider. And I went ooh, she goes, yeah, I know, she goes, I didn't. I wasn't thinking about being black until you said that. And then when you said it, I realized. I was like, I'm the only black woman in there, and I went, oh, that's not my intention. She goes, I know that's why

I'm telling you. Wow. That was like yeah, And I remember, But you don't realize that when you do call me, you're just trying to get last right. And the one time I didn't believe it, I was blind and he was blind. I really regret that I didn't. Tommy told me he wasn't blind. He was lying and I tested him and then he got up and he was really blind and I was like, wow, he's really blind. And then he got blind two days ago and I was like, oh god, so he wasn't it was, yeah, that was I. Hey,

I can we could do a podcast on regrets. I've been doing this twenty five years. I regret a lot.

they didn't like it. They definitely didn't like it.

and talk to people in the community. Like you've got to go there and people can drink, and it's only an hour. It's one hour, but everyone goes you and everyone has to go and be social and just be connected to That's where I think so cool about London. We were talking about that is the pub energy. You guys got that, and I think that in America if we knew, like I was like, oh, we got to wrap this up. We got to go to Chili's real quick. And you're like, oh, you go to Chili's too. I go, well,

this week, I'm going to Chili's. And then we went to Chili's and you're like, we should get a drink. I think that would be awesome and I would definitely do comedy at those shows. I would love that court appointed mandated happy hour comedy shows.