Big Sean ON: Why Self-Care Isn't Selfish & How to Find Balance in Any Relationship

the subtlety of the application. That's step one for listening to this podcast. The second thing is have fun while you listen, to appreciate it, love it, let it flow, but definitely look out for the subtleties. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Hey everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back

every week to listen, learn and grow. Investing in your mental health, investing in your mental fitness, investing in your relationships. That's why you show up, and you know that. One of my favorite things is listening to your comments, reading your reviews, and trying to figure out what resonated with you. I'm on Twitter watching what you're tweeting. I'm on Instagram Stories seeing what you're tagging, and I'm so excited to

be talking to you today. I can't believe it. My new book Eight Rules of Love is out and I cannot wait to share it with you. I am so so excited for you to read this book, for you to listen to this book. I read the audiobook. If you haven't got it already, make sure you go to eight Rules of Love dot com. It's dedicated to anyone who's trying to find, keep, or let go of love. So if you've got friends that are dating, broken up, or struggling with love, make sure you grab this book.

And I'd love to invite you to come and see me for my global tour Love Rules. Go to Ja Shettytour dot com to learn more information about tickets, VIP experiences, and more. I can't wait to see you this year. And today's episode is a special gift from our guest and myself to you because I don't think we've had an episode that has had more requests for a Part two than today's guest. And that is not an understatement. This is the most requested Part two that we've ever

had on on Purpose in the last three years. And the guest is none other than my dear friend, someone that I met for the first time on the podcast last time. Not only did that a couple of hours create a deep lasting friendship, since it's created this desire to serve together, to have a brotherhood together, to create impact together. It's none other than my dear friend, incredibly talented,

someone who needs no professional introduction, Big Sean. People have been waiting, crying, asking for this, and you've been so generous and kind. We've been talking about this ever since we did the first episode. Yeah, we needed to do part two. It's been like on our it's been on our to do list, you know, absolutely, and we're doing it. And I just I just want to let people know, like off screen, like you know, I knew you were

deep before you came to the show last time. I knew that you were a deep thinker, You worked on yourself, you have this incredible relationship with your mom who's influenced you so deeply. Yeah, but I didn't realize just how much of a brotherhood we were gonna have, right, And we're a connection we were gonna have right, right, And I didn't realize how much people were gonna love seeing us together when I saw the response and you foot

it to right. Yeah, of course I felt it like the people who are into me were just you know, blown, like the interview, the whole interview. It's the only interview that I've been out in public, and people like yo, I saw the j H interview like I saw I heard of the interview, I saw the podcast like literally every other time I go somewhere, you know, somebody approaches me like that. So the impact is unbelievable, you know.

And that's what we do it for, right. And since I came and linked up with you, we've had dinner at your house and leaving me, you, Jane, your wife, we all just been like kicking it. So it's cool to it's cool to deliver Part two. I feel like it's needed and necessary, you know. Yeah, And part two means there'll be a part three and a part four, no limit. But yeah, yeah, I want to thank you for just you know, saying that, because even your community

that I got to connect with because of the show. Yeah, for sure, your fans and your audience are incredible, Like I just saw this whole new group of people connect with my work because of you through you, yeah, and vice versa two. Yeah, And I was just like, I didn't realize that all these people would would care about the things I'm talking about. And so I want to

thank you, want to thank your community. I want to thank your audience who just showed me so much love who they may not have even known who I was, but thanks to you. They're on a mission, a mission be better, you know. Yeah, They're on a mission to work on themselves. And the whole world is going through so much right now, it's crazy, you know. So that's

one of the things I've been focusing on. I've just been like really focusing on mastering myself more, still putting time into myself, just trying to be the silence and still in amongst the noise and the chaos, and then when things are still and stagnant, to know when it's time to move, you know, and really trying to find that balance. It's like the Ying and the Yang, and how there's like a little dot of each in the parts of the Ying Yang. It's like that's what my

life is trying to be. Like trying to be the stillness in the chaos and the movement and trying to be the movement in the stagnation of things. You know. I love that, trying to be the stillness in the movement and trying to be the movement in the stillness. And how you saying external or internal? Like, how how are you learning to watch? That? Was both? Right? So

it's like the external on the internal are so connected. Right, So I just have been realizing that it most of the things that are externals start internally, right, So that's what I used. It starts with internal. That's why I start my day with meditation, you know. And the fact that we went through so many meditations last time we met up man I was so helpful because I learned I met itate every morning and I like to ask you, like, what does meditation do for you? Like when you do it? Yes,

what does it do for you? This as we did last time. So I'm trying to figure out which ones everyone's gonna see first. But either way, Big Sean and I did a brilliant men's health collab to talk about the power of willness and meditation. It was historic because it's the first time men's health are doing a train like me, but based on meditation. Yeah, every it's always been physical, and so me and you guys, so cool,

We're going to do it together. It's awesome and so I love that and you know, we worked on that together. And I have three different types of meditation. So one type of meditation, breathwork, is for my body. So if i feeling like my body's tired, or I'm feeling like my body needs energy or my body needs to relax, I practice breathwork. Yeah. I then do visualization. So if I'm going into a scenario that causes me anxiety or fear, I will visualize not the perfect outcome, but the perfect process.

So I'll visualize myself doing that process. So, for example, if I'm about to speak on stage to thousands of people, I won't visualize people clapping and thinking you're amazing. I'll visualize myself walking up those steps onto stage, walking back and forth on stage, looking at the audience in their eyes, connecting with people and their hearts and souls. So I'll

visualize that it's important, it's so important. And then the third type of meditation I do is mantra and mantra to me is what connects me to the universe, connects me to God, connects me to my soul. It's what connects me to my service to the world. And so Mantra is my third. So I practice all three every morning, and each of them give me a different practice and different benefit that I need it for. If that makes sense, Yeah,

it makes total sense. I change my meditations up frequently from I do mantra meditation sometimes and sometimes I do just guided meditations that are specifically for me, maybe for that week, things I'm really like, not necessarily trying to accomplish, but things that I put in my consciousness, things that I want to approach right. But more importantly, it just

gives me right for the day. Man. It's like, like I said, it's like taking a shower, like after you work out and you take that shower and you're feeling fresh. Like That's what it does for my consciousness. My energy and things just flow better, you know what I'm saying. I feel like I'm literally living my vibration up to a higher place of like just to be successful, you know what I mean. And it all starts right there for me. You can't do it and right or wrong way.

There's no there is no right or wrong in doing it. The fact you take the time out to be with yourself, to breathe and mind is going to race all over the place. Sometimes sometimes it doesn't, Sometimes it does. You bring it back to your breath, you bring it back to maybe whatever you're listening to. And just the fact that you take that time out to breathe and to spend that time on yourself, You're gonna feel an incredible

difference every time. It's like a menu. Yeah, in the sense of when you go to eat at a restaurant. You don't want to eat the same thing every day, right, So one day you're feeling like, oh, I need a little bit of this, one day you need a little bit of that. And so I think we have to

look at meditation. It's like, okay, well maybe I need to do an anxiety meditation to Yeah, well maybe I need to do a connection or a forgiveness meditation today an empathy And I think we're living at a time right now where you can choose whether you're on YouTube or Spotify or wherever you are right Janet has some phenomenal meditation mantras and meditation. Yeah, We actually just did one where we I led a meditation and she was

sound healing at the same time. It was like an experience, I know, you know, it was our first time doing it, so we were trying it out. But it's something that you know, we wanted to just test out and try and people really enjoyed it and benefited from it. But it's so many different ways of getting that energy out there, right, like that, right, So yeah, there is no right or wrong way to do it. It's just, you know, I realized that it's the richest thing you could do for yourself,

you know what I mean. And when I say that word rich, I don't just mean in like money, right, because you could be rich in a lot of ways, And I've experienced people who are rich in money and still broke in a lot of ways broke meaning broken, right.

But to me, the richest thing you could do for yourself is to not only just make yourself a priority, but to take that time out to be in the best position you can be in, right, and to not be so caught up on what you want, just to kind of put the attention out there, because when you're so caught off on what you want it's so specific onto something, right, It's like I want this new blue mug. I want this new blue mug. But at the same time you're holding that vision of that new blue mug.

It could be a green mug, a yellow mug, a gold mug that's sitting there waiting for you that's just as good or even better than this mug. But you're closing out all those possibilities. So it's important to you know. One of the things I do is I don't get so specific with our meditations. I just kind of say for the greater, for whatever it's best for me, or what's the greatest, you know, for my happiness from my joy, because that's where the real richness is, you know what

I'm saying. We've seen people who have all the money in the world who have committed suicide, right or you know, or the lead singers or groups. You know, we talk about Chester, you know, we talk about Anthony Bourdaine, all these different people who you know, from the outside looking then you would never guess, you know what I mean, that they're going through something, and everybody is going through something.

You know, that's important as a society that remember, everybody is going through something we talk like we don't care what people are going through or like, you know, they're not going through something. Everyone's going through something really really important right now and that's really it could be really really hard and even if they show it or not.

And uh, I think that when you when you take the time to create a rich life for yourself, that is the best thing you could do, because when you take time to work on your intern or your external, it kind of takes the focus off trying to trying to worry or have anxiety about the things you can't change and realizing that the things you can't change can't change you, you know, So you get to that, you get to that that that point of being able to

go through anything. It's like having armor on, you know, you're going through the storm, or having like layers on. It's like they can't even get to you for real. Every time I hear your talk, I shouldn't be surprised that you just constantly drop bus you do. But literally they were like, they're like seven things you just said that I want to like piece apart. One of the things that I think you just mentioned, which was so powerful, was just you're like, I don't I'm not. I don't

get specific. Yeah, and I love that. I think that's actually such a fascinating thing because I think so much of what we're told today is be specific about what you want, being really specific about it. And the challenge is when you get too specific into that extreme yea, then you can't see what's right there in front of you that could be better, it could be a different way.

And I've always thought of it as like you have a projector screen in your head, which is your imagination of what it should look like, and then you have reality happening here and you keep looking for this projection and you miss out, like you said, on the thing that's right there. And so yeah, I love that idea of not being specific because it releases you from your own insignificant goal. Yeah, right, it releases you. If I got everything I ever asked for, I wouldn't be here today. No,

because my goals were way too small. My ideas were way too small, and the universe and God and energy had way bigger plans for me than I had for myself. I actually saw the interview did with Lauren London and

she was talking about surrendering to the universe. You do you have to surrender and you have to realize that yeah, okay, And if you are specific, well then just always make sure and that you know specification that you put and more or and I'm open to whatever possibilities are are also available or what other you know options there are, you know, if you are specific, because we can be specific somewhere, but you can't just be too specific and

leave it there like you were talking about. You know, you could say, hey, I want to have the number one podcast for you know that talks about mental health and all these things, right, but you know that's this this specification of that. It's even bigger than that. Yeah, you know what I mean, you're you're your show, everything you do is it's way bigger than that, you know, and it's but you're been to all of those expansive options.

So I just hope people realize that, like whatever you want in life, first of all, wanting something is acknowledging the lack of it. Right. So remember in our last interview, I talked about God gives you what you ask for, so you have to really understand that it's you know, I kind of don't say I want anything anymore. I don't say that anymore. I say I desire or my intention.

You know, I don't say I want it because I'm just acknowledging over and over that I don't have it, and I don't want to match that vibration of not having it anymore. So instead it's you know, this is my intention, my desire, and I put myself vibrationally on that frequency of already having it, already being there, and

that for me works. You know, I don't know if that works for everyone else, but you know, try it if if life isn't going exactly how you want it to go, which you know is ninety nine percent of us in the world, try it that way. That's powerful for me. That hit right there because I've heard people talk about what want means before, but the way you explained it, when you want something, it's often can remove gratitude, and that doesn't stop you from desiring. And that's what

I love. What you said, you say I desire, I intend, or my intention is it's not that you don't want to pursue or grow or evolve. It's just that the word want, as you correctly said, makes it feel like almost a sense of ingratitude for what you have right and the lack of it starts eating away where you're chasing now versus pursuing. I think of the difference between the word chase and pursue a difference. Chase feels desperate, it feels like fleeting. It feels like if I don't

have it, I'm incomplete. Yeah, like I want this. Yeah I'm chasing this. It's like okay, like get I get that. And you know, especially in the industries we're in, it's like, yeah, it's great to have that hunger. You know, it is good to have that, but it's never cool to just be desperate. Like it's kind of like just always like realize those small things can make a big difference, especially when you're when you're manifesting something. You know. Yeah, I

think that's great advice or manifestation. I think that's really powerful. And I liked what you said about I like what you said about gratitude though, yeah, yeah, tell me how important that is to you, Like how to how often do you practice like gratitude? Because I wake up every morning and I'm like, thank you man, thank you guy, like while I'm still half sleep, you know what I mean? Because bro, like we're on the blessed side of the spectrum, just the fact that we get to wake up. Yeah.

I think gratitude is a daily, multiple times of day practice. Absolutely everything I was saying earlier today to someone that if something went wrong today, I would tell everyone about it. But if something went right today, right, probably wouldn't tell anyone about it, right, right, Like, so, if everything in my schedule went to plant, no one would hear about it.

But everything in my schedule went not to plan, I would tell everyone, Oh my gosh, my flag got delayed, and then I like missed eating my lunch and then I was late for this and I would tell everyone about it. And what does that mean? Yeah, what does that mean? It means that we are not noticing the greatness and the gifts in our life when everything goes to plan and we don't share that. You never go to someone I was amazing, everything went to plan, like

everything Like you wouldn't. You wouldn't say, oh, my flight was on time, that's amazing. We expect, we expect things to happen well. And when you expect something to happen well, you stop feeling gratitude for it. You stop feeling like, well, actually,

I'm really fortunate that this happened on time. Yeah, and it makes it more pleasurable, right absolutely, when you got that gratitude and you know, you feel just better about it, like yeah, man, Like yeah, And I think also gratitude for everything from the smallest things, like to me, something I practiced with my wife, that's it came naturally and

now I see it being beneficial. But if she's like helping me out with something she does the tiniest thing, being able to be grateful for that rather than thinking, oh, you're my wife, I expect you to do that, right. I just think the word expectation and the idea of expectations create a really unhealthy relationship with ourselves and with others. Right But yeah, setting expectations, that's like they're a recipe

for disaster right there. It's like, you know, you gotta just first of all, the gratitude and letting somebody know that they're That's why every every almost I think every night at least that I can remember every night that I work, when I'm in a studio or working, when people always tell my engineer, like man, you did a great job. I love great working. You know, you could just see that they're wanted to keep doing a great job. Everyone who works with me like you, man, you're doing

a great job. Like and not from just like my managers and everyone down to my assistant, to every person who's involved in my life, to my family members, my friends, I'd be like, man, you're doing a great job. That keep it up, and it just is. It's great too, And I mean it too. I'm not just saying it. It's not saying I mean it. If I didn't, if I didn't think they were doing a great job, I wouldn't say that, you know, I would just be like,

do better. But but when they do a great job, you have to recognize that and not set yourself up for expectations, because that's that's a recipe for disaster. Man. It's like expecting anything out of life, you know, even expecting to wake up. It's like you can't even expect that that doesn't happen to everyone. Yeah, you know. So that's one of the when I read the book the

four Agreements, and that's one of them. I think one of them was to not have expectations or something like yeah, yeah, yeah, I feel like also what you just said, whatever you recognize in someone, they'll repeat it. And it took me a long time to realize that if I make someone feel bad for something they don't do well, they actually get scared to try and do it right. Right. If you make someone feel guilt teach yeah for something, they actually get more scared. So I used to do this.

My wife's the best example where I got this wrong. For a long time when my wife didn't understand how to you know, what I wanted for my birthday or something like that, and I would feel, this is years ago when we were dating, like I don't know, maybe like eight years ago or something, okay, And I would tell her like, you don't you don't get me, like you don't understand me, Like that's not what I wanted. And I realized that I was so bad man, so bad.

But I always thought that if I said that, then hopefully she would change and she would get it about how serious it is. Yeah, And then she told me years later that that just made her more scared and fearful to try and get me a gift on my birthday because she just felt she got it wrong all the time. And so we think that if we keep

telling people they're getting it wrong, then they'll get it right. No, that doesn't work if you don't take the time to explain and to excommunication, communicate and articulate what you really are looking for and why and where that comes from. If you don't do that work, you can't expect someone to read your mind and understand you. Noah, you can. And we expect that so much from our partners right now, Avery,

ships and everyone. We get attitudes with them, and it's just like, like like you said, they don't know where you're going through. You don't know what they're going through. And on top of that, we're all just doing our best out here. Man. Like when you if you honestly ask me like that, that's usually my answer for almost like how have you been doing? It's like I'm doing my best, you know, and we all are doing our best in these times right the world is going through so many

things at once. You know. I was talking to said guru and he was telling me about how the soil

is so messed up nowadays. You know, like we're getting forty percent of the amount of food that the amount of nutrition we used to get from food, we can only get forty percent of that now because of the soil has not been replenished, right, and that you know, the population and has gone from four billion, eight billion people from nineteen sixty to an hour or nine billion now and soon it's going to go from nine billion to thirteen billion, and you know, the next thirty some

forty years. And they're saying that at that point, if we don't replenish the soil and take care of the oceans and many other things, that the famine is going to be not only at a crazy, crazy level we've never seen, but it's you know, food won't even be available and or or affordable. And you know, I was I was asking him, like, man, how do we like, how do we replenish the soil? And one of the things, there's a lot of ways that you know, I can talk about that another time, but one of the things

I was thinking. He was saying that, you know, as humans, we're supposed to go back into the earth, mother nature, mother Earth. We're supposed to go back into and replenish the soil, you know, and enrich the soil. And I was thinking, how sometimes we like, you know, how we have like caskets and we like feel our our bodies, our shells with you know whatever it is the chemical to make us last forever. But it's like we're never gonna dig each We're never gonna dig I'm never gonna

dig my grandfather up from his grave. It's like he needs to be replenished back into the earth, because if you think about it, that's just polluting the earth at that point. That's almost like trash on the ground when you and no disrespect you know, I don't mean that in any disrespectful way. I just mean in a scientific way. It's kind of like a matter that doesn't dispose. You know.

I'm not trying to you see what you see what I'm saying, because it is a very sensitive thing, you know, to talk about my relatives or even my grandfather, who I love very much. But what I'm saying is it would have meant just as much as he would have disposed back and it became part of the soil and

the earth, you know what I mean. And that's something to really pay attention to as the population girls and the space gets smaller and smaller, and we need to build more and more developments over the soil, that we really need to be feeding ourselves and taking care of the Earth with you know what I mean. Yeah, so that's that's something thing that the Earth is just going That's another thing Earth is going through. Aside from the world, you know, the possible world war is that could be

upon us. And besides from all the conflict and the you know, all these borders and just countries where slavery is still going on and places is just you know, a crazy amount of problems on this list that you know that the world is going through, and we just have to like really really boss up and be our best selves and you know, take care of ourselves to present our greatest version to the world, you know, to help out anyway we can. Yeah, that's why this is

so important. Yeah, how do you process that? I'm intrigued because I grew up with with that a lot as well. That exactly what you just said. You look around the world, whether it's poverty, racism, wool potential famine, Like you're just seeing all of this, and I think a lot of people look at all of that and they get really overwhelmed,

they do, and then they feel helpless. And these are good people, these are people who care or they're empathetic people, of course, but then when they see all this, they just feel helpless and they feel confused, and they feel disheartened, and then they don't know what to do or how to help, and then they feel paralyzed. So in that situation, how do you process this? Well, how do you think

about getting involved? Because the way I think about it is I realize that working on myself, as you rightly said, that's not going to solve it, but it helps me bring my best to this situation. Right, Like, if I'm in a mess, starts there to me and starts there. Yeah, it's like, if I'm in a mess myself, how can I remove any mess? The way it was explained when I lived as a monk is that if we ourselves are not trying to be purified, who are we to

help cleanse anything? Right? So, how can you cleanse something externally if you're not purifying myself internally? It's not possible. But when you do that, the whole goal of working on yourself, and I think this is what you're often missed. The whole point of self care is service. It's the whole point of internal purification is to help detox and cleanse externally. Right That, to me, the whole purpose of self care is the complete opposite of being selfish, you know.

It's it's actually, like you said, a service to the world. So when you are overwhelmed with all the anxiety of everything that's going on, you're overwhelmed with your you know, your personal problems and the world's problems, and just things seem to be too much. We all go through this.

It is the most important thing to rely on the faith that everything is going to be okay, you know, and when you put your best foot forward, when you do take care of the extra steps to take care of yourself to bring your best foot forward, you realize, like we talked about last time, that the faith that you know, the reason that we're in this moment in the first places, because we have the ability to change

this moment. The great part about being in any situation, whether you're up or down in life, is that it's an amazing opportunity and you have the ability to change every situation. Right. So, you know, when you have that faith, like I talked about that invisible bridge, when you have that faith that you can just walk across and you don't really see how you're going to get across, but you know, it's there and you step on that off that cliff on to where you don't see anything and

you still haven't fallen. That's what faith is, and that's where we have to have in each other as a society and realize that the more conscious we are, the more we work on ourselves, the more steps we're taken to get to the to the other side of things. You know what I mean? Yeah, how do you think? How do you develop that? Because when I saw your face describing the faith in the invisible bread and the steps. When I watch you described that, I can see that

it's realized. Yeah, it's it's a realization. For this isn't just some idea or something you read in a book or it's realized. How did you develop that faith over the years, because it was a step by step process in being able to see that, Because I think a lot of people if you try and fake that faith,

it doesn't work. It doesn't work. And if you try and avoid that faith, that doesn't work because you need to have something like There was a amazing study I read recently and they said that people who were involved in wars and stuck in trenches and stuck in the most difficult situations known to humanity. When they had false hope and this is hope, not faith. When they had

false hope, they actually felt more dejected. So if they had the false hope that will be back by Christmas and they didn't get back by Christmas, that would break their resolve. But if they believed we won't get back by Christmas, but we will get back, that allowed them to have faith to actually move forward. That simple shift was not putting a timeline, not putting a deadline, not having false hope, but having that long term faith. So I wonder, how do you how did you develop that?

Because I think that's something that's not talked about enough, is how has it developed through life, through experiences, through setting deadlines, setting expectations for myself and not realizing them. From my worst fears what I thought was my worst fear of things that I wouldn't ever ever be able to,

you know, recover from right or bounce back from. It's like these things, when they even happen, you realize that, Okay, I in the first place should never be mad at a timeline, because how can I be mad at a timeline or something I getting done or a deadline? When I'm on God's When I'm on moving at God's speed, I'm not moving at my speed. I can set my intention. I could give my attention to that intention of hopefully

getting something done and make it done earlier. I may want to finish something by April, and it might get done in February. You know. I may want to get something done in April and it won't be done till next April. Who knows, because it's unknown. But when we embrace that unknown, which a lot of us is hard to do because you know, we always like to think about what's the worst that can happen instead of what's

the best that can happen. I had to change my whole mindset to think, Okay, what's the best that could happen? You know, because I don't even want to attract what's the worst that could happen? That's like such a normal saying that I'm like, that's saying as whack. I had to switch. I had to flip it over to what's the best that could happen? You know what I mean?

Because I have one hundred percent faith. It's the fact that we wake up every day that everything is going to be all right, you know, just you know, and

get down to just the simplest things. I like. I love how you talk about breathing because you realize how much of a pleasure it is to breathe if you hold your breath and don't breathe for you know, I can hold my breath for like a minute and a half and you don't breathe, and then when you breathe and exhale and inhale, you realize how much of a pleasure it is for real to even just be on

be here today breathing. Yeah, you know what I mean. Yeah, it's just we would choose to breathe over anything, if you had to be forced to choose, right, right, because everything else would not be an experience if you couldn't breathe. Yeah, right, that's not promise. Breath isn't promise, right, Yeah, your lungs could shut down the earth. The environment could change at any moment, you know, something a natural catastrophe or disaster. It could happen, and that could be immediately taken away

from us. Recently, I was reading from reading from Victor Frankel's Man Search for Meaning Again, and I think it's called twelve Gifts for Life by Edith Eager. So they both survived the Holocaust, and I was reading that because of what's happening in the world, and to me, at this time, when the world's going through these things, the only people I can turn towards are the people who've lived through it, right. I often think that those are

the people that can guide us the deepest. And so when people ask me for my guidance at these times, I go, let's look at these people's guidance, because they were actually there. Like Edith and Victor talk about them being in the concentration camps, seeing people dragged, seeing children abused, like this is all happening around them. And Edith Eager

said something that I think you'll appreciate so much. She said, I realized, and I had to realize that I wasn't the prisoner, but the gods with the prisoners of their own conscience. And she goes, when I realized that I wasn't imprisoned the people who were being imprisoned by their hatred and imprisoned by their own pain, and imprisoned by their desire to dominate and control and to abuse people,

that's the real prison. I was free, like you hear someone say that going through the most atrocious, horrendous thing they could possibly go through, But that was her mindset. She's still living. She survived and crazy thing to survive through, right, and to have that perspective. And she was saying that it was that perspective. It's what you're saying that in that moment, she had to rewire how she saw what

was going on so that she could get through it. Yeah, if she just accepted it for what it was, she said, she would have lost that resolve. That's one of those lessons only life can teach you, right, she was she that's one of those lessons, Like we go through these things and the experiences that there's no other way to I just hope that people realize when they go through things, it doesn't have to be such a traumatic experience or such a detrimental thing, or such a you know, immeasurable

loss or anything. It's you know, the fact that you're able to survive through the day. You know, there was somebody who got murdered around the corner from in the neighborhood I live in, and I'm just like, oh, you're saying actually right, yeah, like yesterday, Wow, Yeah, like in the same neighborhood and nice neighborhood. But my point is is that we take for granted how much of a blessing it is to be here right now and to wake up and be here, you know what I mean.

So you know, we we learn these lessons, and I just hope that we can pay attention to the lessons that life teaches us, you know, because you have to really make a mental you have to really acknowledge what you're experiencing, or else it just goes in one ear and out the other. You have to learn the lesson, you know. And even that story you told me, she learned that lesson while she was in that concentration camp

in the Holocaust. She learned that, Okay, you're actually the prisoner because you're trapped in your prison of your consciousness. And you know, if you wanting to dominate another person and trap another person that is already a prison. You know, I'm in here, I'm in a cage. But I'm the one who's free minded and free thinking and you know has faith that I'm gonna get past this and told two totally different experiences, right, So just embrace the experience

that you're going through and realize it. You know, we got to We're releasing these bodies for a limited time only, right Like our experience here is very, very limited, So we got to we have to make something. You know, we can't just sit around and watch other people live their lives. We got to go out and figure out what that means for us, you know, and how you do that is you do you do the work on yourself. A lot of people may be watching this and may

not know what they want to do. They don't don't know what they're passionate about. Maybe they just like being on the internet all day, maybe they just like watching movies and TV all day. But you know, you can't figure out exactly what you're all the way passionate about until you actually try things, try things out. I had to try things myself because I didn't really know what I was passionate about besides music. I had to go jump out of a plane. I had to like try

two things start working out. I had to, you know, do hikes and be like I really like hiking, Like I really like this, you know what I'm saying. You know, I think that's one of the things. One of the quickest escapes people can go to is like drugs, right, It's like an instant escape and a way to get high. But man, there's so many other ways to get high, you know what I'm saying in life without without using that.

And I don't not even to sound like, you know, you know, corny or whatever whatever people may think that sounds, But it's like there are a lot of ways you know too, that I've been high off of life that a drug could never give me. You know what I'm I'm saying, like the type of high that is like God given that only the universe can provide. You know, Well, that's the best, that's the best high. It's well s you know, it's in the scriptures. It's called the higher taste. Yeah.

Like the idea that when you it's almost like when you look at a child. If you give a child a popsicle, the child will want that, yeah. And if you try and give a child a diamond or a million dollar investment, they won't understand it, yeah, and they're like, I'd rather have this popsicle. Yeah. But then when that child gets older and matures, they go, oh, that investment or that thing could have been more valuable, And so what we see as a valuable experience changes as we mature.

And it's what you said about experiences is so true. RADI and I recently we try and do something every month that we do that's random that we wouldn't expect to do. So recently we went to a rage room. Yeah, and I had no desire that. So a rage room they give you baseball bats and lead pipes and stuff

and you smashed stuff up. Yeah, And so we went to that, and me and Rather are both not angry people, like, we're not aggressive people in general, but we were like, we have to go experiment because if we don't experiment, how do you know? Right, you got to go check it out. So it was hilarious to watch us because we were both like, you know, we were both like not violent people, and so we're struggling. Then we realized something really interesting. They told me afterwards. I wish they

told me before. They said, if you go there and you're stressed out because your boyfriend broke up with you, or someone's been rude to you, or you've been offended, then it will distress you. But if you go there when you're not stressed, the research shows that you leave stressed. So that was being my wife. We went there not stressed and we left with stressed. It was actually stressful to cause rage when you don't feel any huh. And so, but so that was an experience that didn't go well, Right,

you got to try it. But that's okay, You're got to try it, and so and you and the fact that you two were together, it's probably just it's something that you always remember, right, Yes, So in hindsight, it probably was a pleasurable experience, a funny story now we get to tell and be like, we did this thing.

It didn't work out. But I think that's what you're saying, that we have to just experience more an experiment more rather than turn to the obvious things that we've seen over society, like as you said, like drugs and alcohol or any of these things that can become painful in the long run, as opposed to what you said, Hey, whether it's going for a hike, or whether it's doing this thing or that thing, or whatever it may be. So I think that's that's just really simple practical advice

that anyone can follow. Yeah, and you know, and I'm not judging anybody who does that too. You know, because how do we have That's one thing I want people to remember too, Like we don't have the right to judge anybody going through anything when we sit up and judge each other all day on social media or in

real life too. And you know that's uh, you know, I want to tie that back to another thing that I was talking about, because everyone is going through something you never know, right, But that's not even a it's a it's a very conditional thing to try and keep up an image or a facade, right. And you know, even like money is such a conditional thing. Like that's why when I say rich, Yeah, you could be rich in money, but it's conditional, right, So when that money goes,

you're not even rich anymore. It's like if you took all the money away from me or anyone or anyone around me or my family, we are at a point where we were rich before we have money, you know what I'm saying, because of the rich practices that we were taught, you know, which is you know, to take care of your you know, to take care of yourself early on with which is a lesson that I kind of put on a back burner and went through experienced life and was hiding me and beat me up, and

I had to take a step back and reaffirm the things that I already knew, but really strengthen them up, you know what I mean? And that that is that is being rich for real, you know, because money is conditional, and that's the energy we've assigned it. It's the currency of you know, our our uh. I guess you could say just our countries are are living the way we live. But really, you know, time is like the currency of our universe, you know, and love is like the currency

of all you know, love is every love is God. Right, So I know I'm kind of rambling. Yeah, that resonates, man. Yeah, I just want people to get that though, man, because it's like trying not to judge. You're just wasting when you judging somebody else, You're really just wasting your time. Yeah, you're really just giving somebody else your energy that's so valuable. You could be building something. You'd be building a mountain

with that energy. You could be building a mountain or a future, or or career or something else, and instead you're really worried about somebody else or tearing somebody else down. That just it just doesn't make sense. It's so easy to do though, it's so easy for a lot of people. It gives you a quick boost, it gives you a quick Yeah, it does because I think it makes people

feel good in the moment or you know who. I can't speak for people, but I think we can get obsessed with validation and like retweets or like a lot of likes, or like getting a reaction or getting attention. But you know, one of the things that I've realized is that people kind of put morals to the side. You know, they will literally leak something of you is

very private. It could be a new it could be a thing, it could be something, and they put all the morals aside and be like, oh, this is gonna get a lot of attention, so I'm gonna put it out. I don't care where he's going. It doesn't matter where he's going through. Like, you know, but really, and I'm not just speaking about me, I'm talking about anyone like that person could be going through, could be on the edge,

and that pushes him over the edge. You never know, So just always keep that in mind, like that's you don't don't like it's okay to you know, want a lot of retweets and want a lot of love and likes and stuff. We all, you know, we all do that. We're we're a professional. So yeah, when we touch and communicate with a lot of people and people show love, that's great. But I just wanted to I want to prioritize that, you know, at least I do, and realize

that my morals come first though. Yeah, you know what I mean. And and what you just said is making sure that whatever we're doing is not at the expense of someone else, you know what I mean. So you want to act in a way that doesn't cost anyone else anything, exactly right. You don't want to exactly what I was trying to say. Yeah, you don't want to

make someone pay for what you behave as right. You never want that, And because none of us want to be in that situation, and I think that's what we disconnect with the One of the things I had to learn is to learn to stop judging people who judge others. Yeah, so I had the judgment of people who judge and I'll be like, well, you should stop judging, and I'm like, wait, but that is a judge. That's a judgment, Like that's a judgment, and so it's like, okay, well, well let

me meet that person with compassion and understanding. Yeah, I unders because we understand it, because I do it, And we can't judge. We only have to like, you know, at least I can only speak for myself, Like I've learned to just stop judging. People realize we're all humans. If we weren't here to learn something, or we were perfect, we wouldn't even be here. We would already be on our next on the next wave of you know, existence

or whatever comes next. You know absolutely. What's what's been the most recent thing you were talking about learning life's lessons? What do you think has been the most recent life lesson, big or small, that's come across your path that's kind of stayed with you or been on your mind. I just wonder, because you know, we always talk about learning lessons through life, and people think that they have to be these huge, big ones, but sometimes it's just something

every day. But what's it been for you? Has there been anything that's studid? Yeah, to have fun nice, to make everything you're doing fun. It because we're here for such a limited time, and when we see somebody pass away, that's close to us or someone we idolize, our heroes

or family members, our friends, whatever. Just you know, you gotta realize that, Okay, I do work, but I need to make this fun because that is the key to happiness, right, and I feel like that is to me, the only thing that really mean, that's real success is when you're happy. So you gotta have fun with whatever you're doing, like you have to. And if it's not fun, you gotta make it fun or do something else, you know, even

if it pays your bills or anything. Like, you gotta like, if you just approach it like that, I'm telling you to hold something that may be so depressing to you can completely change that job you may have been working on. I've been doing this since I was eleven years old, by the way, making music, you know. And obviously I want to do other things with my life like I mean you were. I want to write a book. I can't wait for that. Yeah, because you know, I've learned

so many lessons, like from you or from Deepak. You know. I get to sit with side Guru and my mom especially, I get to sit with Jenney, I get to sit with all these amazing I get to sit with Marie Diamond, I get to sit with a lot of people who know so much and that I know that it's one of my life purposes to put that information into you know, and all the experiences I've been through, all the testaments I've seen, all the just magic that I've witnessed in

my life. You know, that's the reason I want to write a book. I'm not doing it because oh, it's the cool thing for your career to do, like write a book. Like, I feel like I have to write a book because it's like one of my missions for humanity. I want to read that book. Man. Yeah, I think it's fascinating hearing about everyone's journey to how they started going inward. Yeah, right, Like that's what's fascinating. Yeah, Like we always books are always written about the journey outwards.

What did you succeed, what did you achieve? Where did you get to? But to be books that are about the journey inward, right, we need to tell those stories because those are the journeys we struggle to take even more. Yeah, and those are the those are the journeys that are a little bit more untold, right, yes, yeah, unseen that we need to relate to and especially my people who listen to me, Like, I feel like I really need

to do that. And but that is one thing I've learned though, to just to go back to what you said, it's like to have fun with it. Make sure you have fun with it and make it fun. Like bring whatever you think is fun to whatever you have to do. Like if you think, well, I think VI playing video games was fun, well, then bring that to work somehow, like figure out a way to like incorporate that or figure out a way to balance that in into your life somehow. Like you can't let go of the fun

of anything, because then everything just gets depressing. Yeah, you know, you get wiped out and you're not even doing a service to anyone at that point. Yeah, And I think that's the interesting thing. It's a simple lesson though, right, it's a beauty. But that's what I love about it, Yeah, because it doesn't have to be this deep, profound lesson Like, yeah,

usually the simple ones are there. The girls like like for mine, it's been prioritizing rest, Like I love prioritizing rest and refuel like one of my favorite man like I need That's that's something I still have not deep rest, right, deep rest rest like letting yourself just have this deep silence, stillness, calmness, whatever gives that to you. I find like being able to one of the things I really do enjoy doing, and I think it's fun. And that's why fun is

such a wide word. Is doing like a sensory deprivation tank. Oh yeah, So like when I'm sitting in a sensory deprivation tank, my senses are off. It's actually a beautiful experience for me. That's deep rest, and that is fun for me because I'm no longer like dealing with any of the challenges or stresses or pressures. I'm able to just be. Yeah. So inside of you it's magnesium and water. You naturally float. For anyone who's never done it before, you can go in there for half an hour hour

to dark. Yeah it's dark. Some of them, if they're a bit boot, they have the lights, the lights of the music, like a little bit of moody Yeah, moody lights mood to music. But the idea is to just not let your senses be triggered. And I find that's what I crave is letting my senses no longer be

overexposed or overstimulated. One of my favorite things to do is look out into the distance to what sunsets, to what's the sunrise, to just look at the sky, because I find it's the least overstimulating thing in our lives. When you look at your phone, you're overstimulated. To switch on the news, you're overexposed. Everything's overwhelming, and time for yourself. Correct. I love to do anything that helps me understand myself,

that helps me underwhelm myself. Yeah, that helps me underwind, Yeah, unwind myself. That's what I crave. And I've realized that that's my reward to myself. Let's not just a luxury that that is necessary. It's a part of richness. It's a part of richness. It is um And I think that the mentality that I've experienced and that I've always had is like you have to like stay on it. You have to stay on it, like and almost to a point where I feel like I didn't deserve rest.

Sometimes I didn't. I just I didn't deserve it, Like I'm not almost finished for my stuff. I gotta keep going. I can't, you know. But that was totally the wrong. That was me coming from a place of desperation and not a place of knowing and having faith, because you know,

rest is one of the many joys of our life. Man, going to sleep, having that good sleep like those and you know, by the way, that's the moment a lot of times when we're in that deep sleep, though, those are the moments that a lot of visions and a lot of inspiration and a lot of ideas are transmuted to us. And you know, we're just a vessel, so you know that we sometimes we go to a higher place when we're sleeping and at our most relaxed state. Right,

So I have been learning to get rest. I go to sleep kind of weird times, especially when I'm making music, Like I'll go to sleep at like three or four in the morning with music terrible. Yeah, you know what I mean. But it is nothing like getting some good rest, man, nothing like it. But will you just you deserve it, and you and people deserve it. People would think that they don't deserve rest or you know, they work two jobs and all those things, Like you deserve that rest man,

And like longevity is better than anything. You can burn yourself out and go double ships, triple ships don't need sleep, only need two three hours to sleep. All that get your rest, man, get that rest, Get as much rest as you need, because when you fully rest it, that's when you can really make real waves in whatever industry or whatever dream you have, or whatever thing you got going on. You know. Yeah, I was actually just about

to say that. I think that's the most powerful thing you said that as you were sharing that the idea that we don't give ourself permission for things we don't deserve. So we don't give ourselves the mission to rest if we don't feel we deserve rest. And a lot of us don't feel we deserve rest. We don't feel we deserve fun, we don't feel we deserve joy, and so

we don't allow ourselves to have that feeling. And as you were saying that you use that word deserve, I was like, I just want everyone to stop, everyone's listening right now to this episode or watching this episode, to just stop and think, what are you not feeling like you deserve? Yeah, people feel like they might not deserve real love. I don't deserve a partner, I don't deserve the rest. I don't deserve to go out and have fun. I haven't been getting enough work done. Like that's all crazy.

None of that stuff is connected to each other. Man, Like take care of take care of yourself first or foremost, and watch how more beautiful your life unfolds. Absolutely, I want to ask you something though we're on the flip side of that. You know, I've been thinking about recently, this idea of how you do things that are good for you even when you don't feel like it, because you don't always feel like doing things that are actually good for you, right, and so we try and avoid

them because of how we feel right now, right? How do you find yourself doing that? With the gym, with meditation, with everything that you're saying, whether it's in the studio, how have you been able to go and get over that initial feeling of I don't want to meditate today, or I don't want to sleep early today, or I don't want to work out today. How do you work through that voice in your head when it comes to

self care. It's not this. You can set a schedule, but there are times where you're gonna have to wake up earlier, you're gonna have to get right to something right, You're gonna have to maybe meditate later on in the

day you may not even get a chance to. But that's the beauty of First of all, it's the beauty of the short meditations that I mean you went over like the two minute meditations, right, it doesn't have to be fifteen minutes where, you know, because I like I take a thing I do with things where I like write my goals. I do this, I write my intentions for the day I met. I meditate for fifteen twenty minutes. Then I sit my tea. You know, I take time.

I take an hour to myself, and a lot of times I don't always have that, right, Sometimes I do it later in the day when I do have time, and the days that I don't have time to do that, I'll be like, well, I'm at least gonna do this. There's a bare minimum, and even if it's a two or three minute meditation, or to be honest with you, there have been days where I was completely exhausted and

did nothing, and honestly I deserved those days. You know, there are days where you turn your phone out of day that like not too long ago, where I put my phone in the drawer, I had to leave it. I didn't pick it back up. Till like midnight and when I was about to go to sleep, and I didn't go to the studio that day. I didn't do anything. I just needed time to myself. You have to listen to yourself, and when you listen to yourself, you have to ask, well, why don't I feel like doing this? Why? Why?

Who doesn't want to take care of themselves? Right? And maybe you just need some time to just be lazy. Man, That's okay, Yeah, that's that is okay. But it's the fact that you know better. When you know better, you're already and headed in the right direction. So when when you don't take care of yourself right, when you don't work out or you don't meditate, you're gonna be like, oh man, I don't feel I feel like I should have kind of you know, yeah, yeah, And it eventually

get you right back on track if you're a disciplined person. Yeah. So, which I advise people to try and be disciplined with the things that give you joy. You know, there's two things don't always you don't feel like they go together, no, Yeah, but you gotta remember, having fun is a serious thing, you know what I mean? Yeah, it is. You got to be serious about your fun. That that is actually it. Yeah, we got that that that was the idea of how you strike that donce. You got to be disciplined about

your joy. Fun is a serious thing for sure, And I think that's what we lose we go now fun just needs to be completely random and then you know, joy needs to be completely random. But no, it's that concentrated focused creation and development of that. Yeah, life at this point in your life, you know, we talked about this last time we talked about your journey. We talked about where you got to the reflection you had the mountain you climbed and then looked around and was like,

well is this it like this? You know, Yeah, at this point in your life, what have your new dreams hot space been like? Like, what's been going on in your heart and mind about who you want to be and what you want to do and what you want to create? Man, I've really just been like, Okay, how

can I impact the world at this point? Because I'm in a position, right, I have a platform, I've done a lot of things I wanted to do musically, right, I've experienced like so many beautiful things, and I remember all I wanted was a song on the radio, right, But I didn't limit myself to that right by just being so specific. I always was like, I want a song, whatever else I could get, you know, whatever else comes

with that. And so lately I've just been thinking how can I impact the world, How can I use my platform to change the world and look back and be like, Wow, that was something that meant something. That's something that my grandkids could look at and say, man, Granddad really did that, you know, and make that impact to people or listeners or anyone that's tuned into my frequency, you know what

I mean. How can I impact them? How can I make the best use of this opportunity, this life I have, this body I have, That's kind of where my motivation has been at. So I put that into my music. I put that into Okay, we're getting my book together. I put that into you know, since these COVID restrictions are up, it's kind of like, how do I want to see people alive? Yeah, Coachell is coming up. Yeah,

Like what experience do I want to give people? You know, and also to not take away from what makes me happy, and you know, that's being with the people I love, you know, just figuring out how we can change the world and aligning my people, my team with that, and you know, I'm looking forward to just living. I'm looking forward to starting a family at the right time. Yeah, and just we got time that. Yeah, it's all on guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

Relationships are deep, boy, they are deep. But but that is, uh, that is to me like where I'm out of my life, you know what I mean, I'm not really trying. I'm not in the same place I was when I was a teenager, when I was in my twenties, so I'm in a whole different way of Okay, how can I impact the world? Yeah, you know what i mean with with the opportunity that I've been given with this platform

I've been given. Yeah, and that And that's such a brilliant acceptance because for so many people, when they get up the first mountain, it becomes about the second mountain, and then the third mountain, and then the fourth mountain, and they just keep climbing mountains and it doesn't change how they feel. And so for you to already have that realization and go the real mountain, I want to climb as the impact and the service and the joy

and the happiness. That's that's a beautiful thing. And we were talking about this earlier our flying about relationships and you know your relationships obviously with Jenne was something that you've been investing in. Yeah, like it's been a it's been a commitment, it's been an investment. Obviously we've spent time together and she's been an amazing guest on the show as well. And I actually met her first before

I met you. Yeah, and she's incredible, Like you know, and when I found out you two were together, I was like, this makes so much sense. But but walk me through whatever you feel comfortable with. Walk me through some of the journeys in what it's meant to create a Hunches partnership and what's the real work that goes behind that, because you know, we will have our baggage and our truma and issues from our past relationships, our parents, so many things. What's going into crofting and what you're

trying to croft Wow, that's that's really deep too. About let's make sure we touch back on like traumas and yeah, things that we inherit from our parents, you know, because

we inherit. I'm actually I'll do that we'll talk about that, yeah, and then I can get that like, Yeah, one of the things I've had to do in my life is clear some of the blockages that I've had, and you know, all in different ways, all through different people, And that's something that I may want to get more detailed in with people too, because people are going to say, well,

how do I clear these blockages within me? And there are many, many ways and many people that people that I've met with that have been able to, you know, help me. And you know, I used to have a worrymount of money was one of them. Just like you can inherit your parents hair, or you can inherit their eyes, or you can inherit their you know. I remember my dad used to be like, oh, I used to smile just like you did. You know. It's like you can

inherit a smile. You can also inherit someone's fears. You can also inherit someone's beliefs that aren't in alignment with you. You know, your own, and you feel very conflicted, you can inherit just a lot of You can inherit pain. You can inherit racism, and you could be like, well, I'm not a racist person. But I know, I know someone who's like, bro, I'm not a racist person. But then they call every black person a kid. You know, it's good. That's a good kid. And I'm like, you

gotta watch yourself a little bit. Man. It's like, you know, just pay attention to that, because you don't refer to people who are who look like you as a kid, and so you might refer to somebody who's a kid that's the same age, almost the same age as you. You know, so it's like you inherit these things. You may not even realize it, right, And it's important to just do the work on yourself because to push the

next it's like also breaking generational curses. It's like, but I broke one of the blocker just as I had, and now my family we are living, We are getting more of our dreams out. My mom is doing things that she never thought she would do. My dad, my brother, you know, we grew up in debt essentially, and we

I had to break that. That was one of the blocks I had to break, was the block of month of not be scared to have money, feel like there's a scarcity of money and it's not you know, it's it's all just energy, right, and you can have as much energy as needed and to clear all these blocks. But I'm gonna get back to my point. It is so important to go through these blocks and these traumas because when you pass it on to not only just the next generation, you passing on to the people around you,

your friends, your family. You know you are, you are the company you keep, and the more like minded and better you are, the better everyone around you is, including your family. Right, and you guys can have the opportunity to do anything that is possible, anything you want, any any empire or any business, any ownership, things that you didn't even know was imaginable. But it all starts with you working on yourself. And that's the importance of you know,

the traumas. It's almost like, well, why would I want to correct you know, cancer runs in our family. Breast cancer runs in our family. Why would I want to correct that? Well, you want to correct that, so you know, pass it on and you know the vibration of cancer is a low vibration. You know what I'm saying. So you know it's important to take care of ourselves and get rid of that trauma. But okay, that was beautiful.

But I'm so glad you went that. Yeah, I'm so happy you went that because that the idea of being aware of what we're inheriting is so important, especially when you win. That we are aware of we inherit what we wear and how we think and how we look, but then how we behave, how we communicate, how we talk to people, how we think about people, how we think about women, how we think about man. Now think

about Oh, that's a good one. How you think about women and men, yeah, you know, that's another thing, or them, how you think about trines, how you think about LGBTQ, like, like just how we think about other I'm so glad you went there. I just wanted to say that, I'm so happy you took us on that. Yeah. I can just imagine like aliens or people from another world being like, man, these people really tripped that they're have different shades of skin.

They really be like they really kill each other over this. Like you know, I've never seen a cow look at another cow and be like you're a brown cow, You're a black and white cow. I don't want to be

around you, Like noah, they don't. It's like you know, and it makes me realize that, like if we kill each other and hate each other over things like that, or who we love right or things that even have nothing to do with us, then I wonder how we would handle an extraterrestrial or an alien or really something that is really different. Like you know, I always am like, maybe that's why the government or whoever doesn't ever want to really break it to humanity, because how are we

going to react? You know? But that's a whole other conversation. I wanted to ask you something about relationships because you go through times where you don't see your wife all the time, and how important is distance in a relationship, you know, because I know some people may feel guilty like not being with their partner all the time, or

maybe even enjoying time away. You know that that could be a guilt thing like oh man, I'm really having a good time by myself, or also spending too much time with your partner and losing a sense of who you are and your individual self. So as you I look at your relationship, you guys are are a beautiful couple, you know what I mean. And I'm not saying that and idolizing that or anything, but that's just me making a you know, recognizing that. Yeah, how do how do

you balance the distance in your relationship? And is that necessary? Yeah? I think for us and I agree with you, by the way, like I don't there is no such thing as a perfect, perfect marriage, perfect relationships, So we should remove that idolization with everything, just as we were talking about earlier. I've found that I'll take a bit of a detail. But I find that as humans, we like to idolize or we like to demonize. So we demonize people.

We go you are terrible, you're wrong, you're the worst, or we go you're the best. I love you and I adore you. And sometimes the people we idolize become the same people we demonize when they let us down all the time. And so we don't have this ability, which what we talked about as monks was neutralized. How do you just neutralize everything and look at it for what it is and look at it for the reality of it rather than idolize or demonize it. Just just

learned to accept. So when I look at my relationship, we found that when we first got married, i'd say the first two years of our marriage. So my wife and I've been married for six years, and next year we will have been together for ten years. We've been together for nine years now in total, and the first two years of our marriage I reckon we spent in total six to eight months apart in two years. And the reason for that was because my wife missed her

family in London. We'd moved to New York because of my career, and I wanted her to be with her family to be happy. But I also wanted to be in New York so that I could build my career and build my purpose. And so that became, which is all valid. She wanted to be with a family, which I respect and love, and I wanted to be here.

And I said to I said, I will fly back every weekend every month if I have to, if that's what's going to keep this marriage together, because I don't think you should give up what you care about, and I'm not going to give up what I care about. We both should not give up what we care about the most, because we care about each other. Can you, oh, my god, I see one of the things. I'll have

to cut you up. People always say, oh, you have to give things, to sacrifice so much you have to like go like, no, you can't sacrifice yourself to the point where it's it's a it's torture. You know, you can't sacrifice yourself to where you're not yourself anymore. That you know what I mean. And that's that's really important. Not to cut you out. I just wanted to add that in here, Dude, everything you just added, I'm like that because that's the fine line you just gave, the

fine line of you can't compromise. When compromise becomes torture. Compromise is healthy. Everyone has to compromise. I may cancel a dinner or I may reschedule my weekend. Like that's compromise. That's that's just yeah, exactly, But you you just defined it perfectly, like you can't sacrifice because not if I gave up the pursuit of my purpose in New York, I would have been sad, depressed, and tortured, using your words.

And if my wife was kept away from her family and couldn't travel back to see them because I didn't wanted her too, because she had to be with me in New York, she would have been tortured and trapped. I don't want that as my loving relationship No, that's not a union exactly, it's not a union. And so what we found is that we got used to it, but we've got better at it. So at that time we got used to it. But what happened is we

would really disconnect. This was a mistake. We would really disconnect. We would barely talk, barely check in, and then when we get back together, it almost felt like we were strangers again. Wow. And so that wasn't it wasn't good or bad. I just think we had to get better. Like today, it's changed. And so I just want to put that out there that when we first got married and we did that, I don't think we had the healthiest version of distance. And this is my point that

you can evolve and grow and learn. And then it was COVID, right, So during the pandemic we lived together for two years and we saw each other every day and that was amazing. It was actually brilliant because that was the first time in our lives that we'd spend every day together for two years. And it was beautiful. We loved it. And now this year I will have been away from my wife when she finally gets back, but she's been working in London I've been in La,

where we currently both lives. We would have been apart from around four months, and maybe we've seen each other once in four months. Hopefully we've gone to this mini vacation together. I feel this time we've both found a healthier way of being distanced. So she's in London because she's working and that's her purpose. I'm in La because that's where my purpose is. Again, I respect her purpose and she respects mine. I value her values and she

values mine. And if I had to give up mine and be there for four months, or she had to give up hers and be here for four months, I wouldn't feel happy because I know she's not happy, and she wouldn't feel happy because she knows I'm not happy. So what we've realized is that in the times we're apart, we can both be more productive. We get to catch up with our own friends and deepen those bonds in connection because we both have more time. I find that I miss her every day. I have never texted my

wife this much since we were dating. I haven't called her this much since we were dating, because now it's like I wake up in the morning, the first person I call is her. Yeah, I don't do that. She's next to me right the last thing at night. I know she's already asleep in London, but I'm messaging her messages so that when she wakes up in the morning, they're the first thing she sees. Yeah, it adds a

beautiful dynamic. And there's something really beautiful in the buck Te tradition, which is based on love and devotion to the universe, the divine, and it talks about how love in connection is beautiful, but love in separation is one of the most beautiful experiences. To want to be back with your beloved and the person that you love. That's what all the songs are about. That's all music's about,

like the missing of someone, the yearning of someone. That the separation from a loved one is sometimes where you get to experence the deepest joy and even process some of your biggest fears and weaknesses. And that's what I find that when I'm away from my wife, I have to process my weaknesses and my fears head on. Yeah, and that I find to be joyful because it deepens

my love for her. And so I personally find that distance and personal time is critical and the way I define it for someone in a week because someone may say, well, Jay, we don't work like you guys where we're away from each other for months, because we live in the same home. We don't have careers that take us across the world. I believe, and I've been planning this out, that here's an ideal seven day week, right, Yeah, you should ideally spend one to two days by yourself, with yourself, even

if you're married, even if you're dating. Have two nights a week that are for you, even if you're in the same house, saving house. Have two nights a week separate that it's for you to listen to your inner voice. That's two nights a week. Now, have two nights that are together just you. Two date nights, experiments, events, whatever it is, but just you two so that you develop

and you water your intimacy. That's four nights. And got three nights left In those other three nights, one night you spend with your own friends, so she's with her friends, I'm with my friends. And then the other two nights we're with a collective group of friends, friends that we share. Now you can make your own ratio of your seven days. But notice how the ideal seven days include time alone, time with each other, time with your own friends and family,

and time with collective friends and family. If we can't look at our lives and say we do all of those, it means we're not watering a really important part of our relationships. If I don't water myself, I've got nothing to come up later. Yeah, that's you're gonna feel is hurting. You know. What you're talking from is from experience. I can see like, this isn't like a textbook formula. This isn't something This is something experience that you guys have

been through and then you made it through. So I respect that, and I realized that, you know, the crazy thing about being in a relationship and having distance between you is it really can bring you closer to the one that you're missing, you know it kind of it's almost, I would say, almost a great test to see how close you really are, you know what I mean? Because being like, being so far from someone can bring you

so much closer. You can learn so much about someone you know through texting, the more through the phone as opposed to waking up next to them every day. So I think it's beautiful to give each other that time apart, and that's when you really know when that person is still all you want, that that's that's who that's special for, you know. And I definitely been able to experience that. So that's that's a beautiful thing, you know, And it's

a key part in any relationship. I think in any marriage, the key to it is having some distance between you know what I mean and yeah, and having someone who you energetically match with. Yes, you know one thing that that's the most important thing. That's the most important thing right there. Because this is funny because I don't know how to even say this, say this properly or I don't know whatever, but I'm gonna just say, like, when you have sex with someone who you feel are you

guys are equally energetically on the same level. That's how it's really supposed to be, right because in other in other ways, I just hope people realize that because if not, if you're not with someone who you energetically feel like you're on the same level with, then that person could be taken away from you. It could throw you off track, it could uninspired you, it could do all these crazy things.

So it's important to realize the power of energy. Definitely that you have when you when you're with somebody who can match your energy definitely sexually. No, absolutely, And I'm so glad you raised that because so the Sanskrit word for celibacy is bromacharia. Now celibacy in the Western world fields sounds like abstaining from sex. That's what you think of the word celibacy, bromacharia. It translates as the proper

use or direction of energy. When you talk about a poor energy exchange, when you're just wasting energy when there isn't an equal energetic exchange, right, that's why we feel drained, we feel depleted, we feel or afterwards you're like, oh, this is a waste of my time, totally. Yeah, However you feel like how many years later it takes. Yeah, But when you have someone of equal energy exchange, that

impression is so much more powerful and deeper. And so I'm glad you brought that up because I guess the question though, is like, obviously, when you meet someone, we're all at different stages, even in our vibrational energy, Right, how do you know? Because today we live in a world where anyone can use the language, everyone can say

the word energy. Everyone can use the word vibration. Everyone can use all the lingo and you think, oh, yeah, yeah, this person like they've been reading about chakras and da rights. How do you actually know that someone is of a similar energy in a relationship? But how do you how do you look for that? Because and I don't think there's a formula or there's a perfect science. I'm just saying, how do you look for that? How have you found that?

Look for that? It's only one way feeling it as simple as that you can It's something you feel, and you have to really be in tune with yourself, right. That's another reason why working on yourself so important, because the more you're in tune with yourself, the more you're able to feel like this isn't right right, And it

could make sense in a lot of other ways. It could be like, oh, this person is my ideal of like the perfect person in my head, you know, like physically, but it just doesn't well, I don't care, like you disregard those feelings when you put that egotistical spin on things right, or you put that like that image or like the expectations or things check marks you think you should be hitting. But it's really just a feeling process.

And when you realize, you know, when you have the feeling of that feeling like you're being productive, you know, like I'm not ever ever gonna like physically be involved with anyone if if it's not productive, you know, and I feel like I'm being productive, you know what I mean. And that's how you should feel with your partner, Like you feel like you're being productive, you know, and you feel that you have a good feeling about it. Yeah. Yeah.

Anything else is just kind of like you know, you think that you may fun yea and fun and it's fun, yeah, you know, if it's not fun, productive and all these things, and you know, if you feel weird or feel like you're wasting your time afterwards, and then that's probably not

right for you, you know. And you could eventually kid yourself for a little while, but eventually you're gonna move on or something's gonna happen, and you know, yeah, I think one of the things I looked for an energy exchange in every level is the idea of you know, it's almost like how long have your energies been invested

together deeply. When my career started to take off, I would often point to an achievement and look at my wife and say, love me for this right and what I did right, And then I'd win another award and be like, look at this, I love me for this, and she wouldn't feel anything. She wouldn't she wouldn't respect

me for like, she wouldn't care about that. Not that she wouldn't respect me, she wouldn't care about you, wouldn't care about that, and she would be happy for she'd be happy for me, but she didn't care about that. She didn't love me for that. But I was saying, validate me for this, love me for this, And then I realized that I was trying to get her to love me for what my achievements saw when she loved

me for who I am. Like that was the most deepest reminder to me that my wife's been with me since when I was in twenty five thousand dollars worth of debt, when we were four months away from being broke, when I was pursuing my purpose and no one cared, and I had five people turn up to hear me speak, and my wife's been through all of that, and she loved me then and she loves me now. But she's

never been enamored by the achievements of the successes. She has always exchange energy with me on the level of she loves who I am, so she had to love me that way to remind myself to love myself that way. And I think that's what I look at as energy exchange is does someone remind me to love myself through how they love me? Like, does the way they love me remind me to love myself for the real reasons? And that you know that is just undefeatable, like that

you can't beat. That's the champion of love. Yeah, because you're like, you're teaching me how to love myself based on what I actually should love myself. Man, that's a gatting talking from experience. Yeah, it's yeah, it's it's it's real. Like I've I've been that man that is wanted the validation of my wife for my medals and my honors, and when she didn't give it to me, I felt frustrated, Wow, because I felt, well, I can get more attention from

someone for these things. But then you go, but then do I want attention or do I want affection? Like do I want validation or do I want someone to value me? Right, validation is conditional. It's conditional and come and go quick. It's like where it's off. It's like a it's like a new sweater or something, right, like you have to eventually wash it and it starts to deteriorate. And as opposed to loving someone for who they are,

that's that's more like unbreakable, right, that's undefeated. Yeah, Sean, what if I not asked you today? What's been on your mind? Your heart where gone? Because I feel like, I know it's hard to say this, but I really do believe this because the last time we were getting to know each other. Where we've gone today? We have gone to some places today like as in this is without a doubt, even though it's hard to says, it's even better than the first conversation because of our openness

if we have a relationship, a deeper relationship to them. So, yeah, what the places we've gone to and the things you've said today, I'm gonna have to listen back to this one. Keep doing what you're doing, man, Like the job you're doing is fantastic. Like I tune into so many interviews. I loved your book. Um, I can't wait to have you write the forward on my book, I'm a saying I'm in and just say, everyone listening, man, you know, I know you're going through. Whatever you're going through, just

do the best you can. Stay strong, Um, don't give up on yourself. You know that's me. There's no losing you know. You can. You can maybe think you're losing. You only lose when you stop, you know what I mean. There's no such thing as it's losing if you don't stop, it's only just learning and like developing and getting that experience and wiser. You know, you're just sharpening the sword, being more of a master. So you know, stay strong and everyone. I know some people don't know where they're

going to even sleep tonight. Some people are going through real, a real crisis in their life. And just know that I'm not just saying this to be politically correct or anything. Like I really am sending you guys love. I really am sending you guys like some light and uh, you know that miracles can happen in your life and you accept that, you know, except please like accept your miracle because they happen every every day. And yeah, thank you. You know it's a I don't know what else is

new music. Yeah, new stuff coming out and yea, I don't know what else to say. Yeah, I mean everyone makes you. You go and subscribe across all of big chewan platforms. Yeah, you whether it's Instagram, it's Facebook, Spotify, Apple, wherever you're listening. Yeah, look out for them at Coachella this year. Music is dropping right now. It's musically dropping around the birthday as well. I don't know around the birthday, but probably more so around Coachella. Okay, around coach I'm

thinking I got some new music. I'm trying to see if I'm gonna preview it there or put it out right before, but you know, figure it out. We're figuring it out. Me and Jinete have new music coming to together, so our twenty eighty eight project. And yes, we can talk about that more deeply if you want to go into it. You want to give him there, that's what you know. Maybe me and her could come and do a special one. I would do that. Well that would be sick. Ye do that? Or maybe all four of

us that would be love that. Let's do that. That's another time. But um, because I don't want to speak for her. Yes, yes, yes, yes, you know that's our that's our thing together. But I can just let people know that it's coming and what else I mean, you know, just keep doing it and thanks thanks for all to love on the last one. I gotta say thank you for the love on the last podcast we did. It was crazy and man, congrats you. Mental health are on

the Men's Men's Health magazine, is it? Uh it's Men's Health, right, Yeah, it's Men's Health. Yeah, Man's Health magazine. That's a major bro. Well, bro, it's just doing you with you is amazing. Like I think you know you said that what we're doing is amazing here. But this is energizing. Yeah, Like, this is energy exchange at its highest level because you you you keep me going to man like having this relationship with you and having these conversations with you that energizes me.

It affirms my belief in what I'm trying to do. Yeah, and so yeah, I see like billboards of you everywhere and stuff like calm app I'm like, yo, Jay is going crazy right now? Will Smith in man else that what a crazy moment that had to be that was working with him has been one of the great isn't he great? Crazy joys? In my life. Yeah, one of my special human beings, as are you in the world,

and just he's annoying it. He's like has a glow on him, right, he really does that, I will it's real and it's real, like he's you know him in the whole family. Just amazing. You could tell he's like human. Yeah, you know what I mean? And yeah, keep up, keep up the next time. Thank you man, everyone who's been watching at home. What I wanted you to do like you did last time, you show up on Twitter and Instagram, tag us on what resonated with you, what connected with you.

There were so many incredible nuggets wisdom today that Sean dropped and we went back and forth and we grappled with and then you saw our thought pattern and we finally got there. There was like this whole journey that we went on today and we hope that this conversation

inspires conversations back at home. When I started making content, my whole goal was I wanted to create stuff that you could send to you a friend and say, this is what we were talking about last night, we're thinking about and I wanted to create something for you that helped you have deeper, more meaningful conversations with your friends

that you might not always get to have. So I hope that this starts millions of conversations around the world that deepen your bond with your friends, your loved ones, that allow you to have more compass and love for each other and the world, and ultimately, as Sean's been saying the whole time today, allow ourselves to not judge,

to really understand that everyone's going through something. So thank you for listening to on Purpose, thank you to our main man, Big Sean for turning up to their new music Coachella so much more, and there will be a part three. Thank you everyone amazing, thank you, thank you b