Every time we go online, and every time we swipe or like something, or buy something or comment or hand pick an emoji to send to our friend, our brains experience a little bump of dopamine. Again, there's nothing wrong with that, so long as we know what's happening. The number one health and wellness podcast, Say Sety Jay Setty. Hey, everyone, welcome back to On Purpose, the number one mental health
podcast in the world. Being here is an investment in your mental health as we dive into incredible conversations and insights to help you become happier, healthier, and more healed with the world's leading experts. Now, let's be honest for a second. How many of you feel like you've just been on your phone too much recently? Right, You've been sitting there and sometimes you're even doom scrolling and thinking
why am I here? What am I doing? Maybe you've even thrown your phone, feeling a sense of anger or disgust with how you've spent your time. And I think all of us can relate. There's been moments where I've thought afterwards to myself, I wish I was more present with my friends. I wish I was more present with my family. Why am I constantly needing to be distracted from my phone even when I don't need it? Right,
sometimes you're like, I know I don't need it. I know I don't get anything from it, but it still keeps pulling me back. It keeps pulling me in, It keeps sucking me in, even if I don't want to be there. And I think that's what we all experience, is this almost hopeless, helpless relationship. And that's why today's episode is called the cell phone diet or the cell phone detox. These are the devices through which most of
us make our way online. Over the past few years, I'm guessing that we've read as many articles about the miracles of technology as we have about some of the issues it's brought up for us as humans. That despite this wonderful newfound global connectivity, we have never felt less connected to friends and loved ones. How despite having more knowledge at our disposal than in any time in history,
we have never been worse informed. How at home and at work, we're losing the ability to focus or concentrate, that we've gotten more impatient and impulsive. The ad to carte nature of the internet, where you want what you want when you want, can sometimes even trickle over to
our real lives. A friend once confess to me that sometimes, when he finds himself in a traffic jam, without even thinking about it, he'll reach for his phone, not to change the music or refreshes GPS, or to start a new podcast, but to click himself out of the traffic jam, as if his phone somehow featured a magic button that,
with a single click, could transport him home. One of the most interesting things about being alive in twenty twenty four is that there are hundreds of millions of people in our midst, possibly your own parents and certainly your grandparents, who remember a time before cell phones and Wi Fi existed.
They're dealing with two versions of reality, then and now, And because we're always prone to see the past as better than it was, it goes without saying that the pre internet error was better, filled with space and silence and stillness and opportunities for contemplation. Before long, the global population will be made up of people who know only
one technological reality now. By now, we've also figured out various ways we can make our phones and the impulse to go online less attractive and alluring, less of a temptation. We can turn off our notifications. Instead of our phones ringing or chirping or making cricket noises, we can make them vibrate with a little fiddling in our settings. We can even turn our screens gray, which gets rid of the visual triggers that make our phones look a lot
like a big bag of colorful candy. Maybe you've tried one or more of these things, but you still feel your reliance on the Internet is unhealthy and imbalanced, That even when you're not online, you're thinking about being online, That on those rare times your phone isn't within reach, you're thinking, where is it? Why do I feel so
weirdly incomplete? This episode came about because of the many messages I get from all of you who feel you've lost control over your phone use, who don't trust yourself to monitor how much time you spend online, who get anxious whenever you're separated from your phone or a Wi Fi signal for more than a few minutes, who are coping with feelings of helplessness and shame. This episode is for anyone who thinks I should really get my phone in Wi Fi addiction under control one of these days,
Except that day never seems to come. It's okay, though, because you're not alone. Everyone around you, from your thirteen year old cousin to your seventy five year old lant all the way through to me, seems to be wrestling with this same issue. The six steps of the cell phone detox are loosely repurposed from the steps you might take if you embark on an actual diet involving food and drink. As with any new regimen we start, you want to banish any thoughts of overnight change or success.
Stop trying to change in twenty four hours. If you think you can build or break a habit in the next twenty four hours, you're setting yourself up for failure. The goal, as with any new plan we try out, is to adapt one or more of these steps as time goes on, in the hopes that before long a new habit will be in. I want to begin by acknowledging that our brains have a lot of heavyweight chemicals working on their behalf. There's gabba, glutamate, oxytocin, adrenaline, neuropenephrine,
the list goes on. But of all these chemicals and hormones, the brain favors four of them, the most in no order. There's serotonin, which helps balance out our moods, and dolphins, which are our body's natural painkillers, which our brains generate when we fall in love, and that promotes trust and intimacy between partners and also among new parents and their infants. Of course, the best, most pleasure promoting chemical of these four is dopamine, the brain's pre eminent reward and pleasure zone.
But dopamine isn't always well understood. A lot of people are under the impression that dopamine provides pleasure, that it gives us some mental or physical high, that in that way, it's like a drink or a drug. The truth is it doesn't. Instead of making us feel good, dopamine operates in our brain by motivating us to go out and seek pleasure, whether it's in the form of romance or going out to dinner with a good friend, or having a few drinks or going on a long bike ride
in a beautiful landscape. There's nothing wrong with seeking pleasure. In fact, it's part of the wiring of our brains. Problems only arise when we go overboard in that pleasure seeking behavior and begin to expect rewards and another shot of dopamine every hour of the day. This is because
of the very nature of dopamine. The more we seek out pleasure seeking activities falling in love or anticipating sex or romance, or a yoga class or a night out on the town or even an upcoming vacation, our brains, whose job it is to maintain homeostasis otherwise known as balance, compensate for this blizzard of dopamine by making us feel flatter and even a little bit depressed whenever we're not engaged in that thing. Think about it. It's mind blowing.
I don't know about you, but in my experience, no one likes feeling flat. It's almost as though without dopamine, our own screens turn gray. We don't feel like doing much, and the things we feel like doing don't seem exciting. In response, most of us decide consciously or unconsciously to re engage with the same activity we now know brings us, if not pleasure, then the anticipation of pleasure. The thing about most pleasure seeking activities is that they have a
built in time limit. We can only exercise for a certain amount of time before our bodies tell us we've had enough and we need a cold glass of water and a shower. If we go out and drink more than we should, our bodies and brains generally respond by making our eyelids heavier until at least we fall asleep. But as everyone knows, the internet is a twenty four hour bizarre and our phones are always on the Web never goes dark, never closes down, and never takes a vacation.
And don't misunderstand me, the internet can be a completely magical place. It's like a city where the possibilities for window shopping and people watching are so varied and interesting that we could spend the rest of our lives there. But if we do, it can have consequences on both our mental and physical well being. This leads me back to dopamine. Every time we go online, and every time we swipe or like something, or buy something, or comment or hand pick an emoji to send to our friend,
our brains experience a little bump of dopamine. This tells us our reward system has been stimulated. Again. There's nothing wrong with that, so long as we know what's happening, and so long as we keep our Internet use intentional and conscious, but that's not always easy or possible. For many of us. Our Internet use is automatic and unconscious, putting us in a place where we need more and more dopamine just to feel normal, just to feel like ourselves.
Is there a connection between our dependence on our phones and the internet and our declining levels of happiness. No one can say for sure, but the answer is probably a bittersweet yes. According to the World Happiness Report, humans just aren't as happy as they used to be, especially
people who live in hire income countries. This might have to do with that flattening effect I mentioned earlier, and how when we're not engaged online we feel not exactly unhappy, but not entirely happy either, as though we're missing something, as though we're somehow sidelined or not at the center of something we know exists, we just can't put our finger on what that thing is. The Internet diet is an attempt to provide at least the beginning of a
solution to this problem. Why do I refer to it as a diet because I'm reminded of something that a high school teacher friend told me recently. At the end of each semester, my friend gives midterm and final exams to his students. No cell phones are allowed in the classroom, of course, while the students take their tests. In fact, before the exam gets underway, the students all write down their initials on their phones and place them in a box next to the teacher's desk. When the exam ends,
they line up to collect them. But the interesting part of this story is when my friend described the moment his students were reunited with their phones, they clutched them as if they were food and they hadn't had anything to eat or drink for days. They appeared ravenous, and the behaviors they then carried out, including checking their texts and their inboxes going on to this and that website, made my friend think that for his students, their phones were a form of food or sustenance, a way to
keep hunger at bay. When you think about it, there's a strong connection between food and the internet. Humans can't live without eating, and today the ninety four percent of all Americans with access to the Internet will tell you that life without Wi Fi would be unimaginable. Without GPS, how would we get from one location to another without social media and text messages. How would we keep up with friends and loved ones who live nearby and far
away without the alarm clock on our phones. How would we manage to wake up in the morning. How would we make lunch, your dinner reservations or split the bill after a night out, or pay for groceries, or take photos of videos or check out the weather conditions in Dubai, Dublin, or Miami. According to the results of one study, I read, Americans check their cell phones approximately one hundred and forty
four times a day. Even if we don't open our phones, we make physical contact with our phones on an average of two thousand, six hundred times a day just to make sure they're snug in our position. All in all, on average, this study says we spend nearly four and
a half hours every day on our phones. But along with the reliable hits of dopamine that get released every time we punch in our code or here, swish or ding, we also get a bump of cortisol, the chemical that enters our bloodstream whenever we're about to go into high gear and take on a new day, or in this case, when we're about to come face to face with what being online means. As longtime listeners of this podcast know, Cortisol is the steroid hormone produced by our two adrenal
glands which percha top our kidneys. Cortisol is the hormone that gives rise to the fight or flight impulse. But since most of us aren't about to get into a wrestling match, what ends up happening is that the energy supplied by all that cortisol sticks around inside our bodies. It stresses our muscles, our digestion, our breathing, and can
even negatively affect our immune systems. What can sssimbly relieve these high levels of cortisol more dopamine, Because, after all, when we feel stressed or dread going online for fear, we might see a text or email we don't like. Our brains might as well balance out that fear by seeing if they can anticipate a positive reward Before we even know it. We've been online for an hour, two hours, or even longer. The internet, or rather the brain, has gotten the best of us. It's tough to resist it.
We might as well throw in the towel, right. The good news is that the six steps of the Internet diet are focused on gradually reducing the amount of time
you spend online or gazing at your phone. Following these steps, or even half of them, and you'll likely find yourself with significantly reduced anxiety levels, along with an increasing clarity, a greater, truer sense of perspective about yourself and the world around you, a deeper connection, and a deeper presence when you're a loan or surrounded by friends and loved ones, as you are now genuinely listening to what they're saying instead of quietly fretting that you need to respond to
your latest text or email. Lastly, it's safe to say that the six steps of the Internet detox will increase your capacity for gratitude for your own life, for our five senses, for what you do have instead of what you don't, which we all know the internet is well known for eliciting. Before we begin, remember that, as with any behavioral change, the most important thing is to start small, take one step and see how you feel afterwards. All or nothing thinking doesn't work here, but all or nothing
thinking never works. See if you can check off these steps one after the next, and take your time as you do it too. I'm not proposing you can cancel your WiFi or trade in your smartphone for a flip phone or a landline. What I am suggesting is that you begin to think about your phone and being online as the technological equivalents of the food you eat and the liquid you put inside your body. Most of us are careful about our nutrition and the ingredients in our foods.
So all that I'm proposing is you give the same care, attention and respect to how you feed your brain, which means not overwhelming it with the digital equivalent of ultra processed ingredients additives transfats, potato, chips, salt, and sugar. Step one of the Internet dyet is simple, become more conscious. All I'm asking is that you become more aware of your Internet use, and that you do it without any
judgment whatsoever. It's a fact that for many of us, our phones have become almost like physical extensions of ourselves, an extra hand or foot. One study I read reported that eighty nine percent of Americans reach for their phones within the first ten minutes of waking up. When you reach for your phone in the morning, what are you feeling, What are you looking for by wanting to reach for your phone? What are you trying to achieve. Does it make you anxious? And can we become more aware of that?
What is the reason not just that you reach for your phone, but why are you doing it? What are you seeking in the morning, and how can we substitute it later on? Our phones are like mirrors. They reflect us back to ourselves. They have a lot of valuable information to tell us about who we are and what it is we want. You might tell yourself, of course I reach for my phone every morning, doesn't everyone. But that's different from taking a step back from the routine
of it and asking why. For example, you might feel that while you were asleep, people are having fun without you, and you hate what it feels like to be excluded. You might begin the morning feeling bored or sad or understimulated, and consciously or unconsciously decide that the only way to solve that feeling is by going online. Or you might wake up feeling lonely or isolated and reach for your phone instead of getting in touch with a friend and making a plan to meet them later for coffee or
a drink. You might worry that a crisis happened overnight, whether in your workplace or somewhere in the world, and you're the last person to know about it, which makes you worry your friends might not see you as hypervigilant and responsible and in charge. Again, the most important part of step one is observing your behavior without judgment. That increased consciousness leads me to step two, wait an hour before going online, but rather you sitting around wondering when
the hour is up. Step two proposes that instead of going online, you replace that impulse with a better, healthier habit. You could take that time to meditate or make a list of the things in your life you're most grateful for. You could listen to beautiful music, or read a few chapters of a book, or do both at the same time. In my experience, from a reading perspective, being online is
like taking one hundred quick showers a day. We're scanning headlines and perusing emails and texts, but are we really reading them. It's probably nearer the truth to say that the only thing we're doing is scanning pixelated words. This is why the early morning can be a fantastic time to delve deeply into a book, as opposed to a two minute shower. Reading a book is like syncing into a bath tub. It's a form of time travel as
well as an exercise and empathy. In this way, you can give your brain the opportunity not just to awaken naturally, but to deepen your understanding of the world around you. It doesn't need to be reading a whole chapter. You can read a quote, a paragraph of your favorite book scripture. It could also be listening to something that motivates you, that inspires you. Now, what if you rely on your phone as an alarm clock. Well, first recognize that our
phones are intentionally engineered so that they're indispensable. Like big box department stores, they are for us anything anyone could ever need. There are mailboxes, our phone centers, our bookshelves, our jukeboxes, our maps, our photo albums, and our memory keepers. There are sources of news and friendship. Add a tape measure and an alarm clock, and your phone truly becomes what it was designed to be, a one stop shopping destination.
But that doesn't mean you can't go someplace else. In this case, why not go and buy a real alarm clock. It's as simple as that. Step three of the Internet diet or detox involves another deceptively simple change. I call it the Wi Fi free meal, and it's exactly what it sounds like. A Wi Fi free meal is one where you make a conscious decision to enjoy your breakfast, lunch, or dinner while keeping your cell phone in your pocket
or very yet in another room Entirely. This means that instead of using one hand to hold your fork or spoon and the other to scan for online information or browse social media, you're devoting one hundred percent of your attention and energy to the food and drink in front of you. I evaders suggests that we chew morsels of food sixteen to thirty two times. I promise you've if you try this, you'll forget that you ever had a phone in your hand. It's a really hyper mindfulness practice.
For many of us, this will feel strange at first, as we've gotten into the habit of always doing two things at the same time. Shopping while gazing at our phones, for example, so we can see if another store offers a better price, taking a walk while listening to music, or driving a car while our GPS tells us which
turn or road to take. In step three, I'm suggesting you do one thing at a time monotasking or solo tasking as it's called, and in this case, it involves eating and focusing on the textures and flavors of that food. And if you find yourself racing through the meal because your brain is busy anticipating the dopamine hit that's certain to arrive the moment you set down your fork and
pick up your phone. Then set limits on yourself. Tell yourself that during the next fifteen minutes that you set aside for breakfast, lunch, or dinner, you will not engage with your phone, and you will not go online false stop. The effects of taking that time to eat a meal
will surprise you. You'll find that you eat more slowly and conscientiously, that you chew more properly, that you digest better, that you appreciate your food more, and that you become more conscious of your body's hunger cues and the effects food has on your feelings. Step three of the Internet diet has another strong thing to recommend. A study that was done in Brazil a few years ago concluded that using our phones while we eat increases our caloric intake by
almost fifteen percent. This means that even though staring at our phone when we're dining out in a restaurant makes us look busy and occupied. It can have real life ramifications on our health and well being. In step four of the Internet diet, we scale things up a little. This time. I want to make a close analogy to the food and drink we put in our bodies and the content we take in online, because to my mind,
they're very closely related. By now, we all know some foods just on that good for us, whereas certain other foods promote good health, increase vitality and longer lasting energy in the first group of things like sugar, salt, and trans fats, and in the second group you'll always find
fresh fruits, fresh vegetables, nuts, and lagoons. Let me also add that while most of us are aware that potato chips and buttery popcorn aren't good for us, sometimes we just feel like having a snack, and there's no harm in that, so long as we don't do it every day for the rest of our lives. The same goes
for the Internet. A lot of websites and digital apps are the digital equivalent of a trayfall of Nacho's or a chocolate milkshake or you can fill in the blank and name your favorite guilty or not so guilty pleasure. Junk content is harder to digest, just like junk food, and the more junk content we expose ourselves to, the unhealthier our minds get. Step five of the Internet diet
is limit portions. I touched on this already in step two, which asked you to wait an hour after you awakened before you check your phone, and also in step three. Step five takes this idea even further. We all know what it means to limit our portions when we're preparing our or serving food. Studies have shown over time that our plates and cups and glasses have got larger, and so to have our portion sizes. You could equate that to how the amount of data that our phones can
process now increases all the time. The amount of memory and storage our phones have increases over time, which means naturally our portions and desire to consume content also increases. Equivalently, remember when your data used to run out, Remember when there used to be a cap on the minutes you could speak to someone on your phone. That's all gone away now, and therefore there is no portion control. If you've managed the first five steps of the Internet detox.
Step six probably won't come as a shock. It's intimate and fasting. We're probably all familiar with that phrase as it relates to food and placing boundaries on when we eat. In step six, I propose you adopt this same idea to your own online behavior. For example, one of the best known intimate and fasting plans around is what's known as the five point two plan. That's the one where you eat as you normally would for five days a week, but every Saturday and Sunday reduce your food intake into
a single five hundred calorie meal. Try this same method with your own online use. Unless there's a pressing workplace emergency where you have no choice but to remain reachable over the weekend, why not start by turning off your phone every Saturday and Sunday afternoon. Instead of spending your time off loosely tethered to technology, why not do something that has nothing to do with it. Go outside, go hiking, go kayaking, ride your bike, play two sets of tennis
or pickleball, or even three. The more time you spend without your phone and without access to a Wi Fi signal, the more confident you will be that you can regain control of your time, energy, mental and physical health. Just as we learn to eat when we're hungry and quit eating when we're full, the internet die. It also teaches us to take in information online when we want, and not just because it's there or because we have nothing
better to do. By creating boundaries around your own online use, you'll start to experience a new feeling of control and authority across all aspects of your life. But remember, start small, go step by step. Too much too soon, and the brain's hypothalamus will act the same way it does when
we don't have enough to eat. What we're really trying to do in any lifestyle change is create a new balance relationship between the time we spend online and the websites we ingest that are authentic, healthy and nutritious, which in turn will lead to a new relationship with ourselves, our friends, and the world around us. Thank you so much for listening. Make sure you pass this on, maybe even pair up with a friend to be accountable for the new cell phone detox And remember I'm always in
your corner and I'm forever rooting for you. Thank you, so much for listening to this conversation. If you enjoyed it, you'll love my chat with Adam Grant on why discomfort is the key to growth and the strategies for unlocking your hidden potential. If you know you want to be more and achieve more this year, go check it out right now. You set a goal today, you achieve it in six months, and then by the time it happens, it's almost a relief. There's no sense of meaning and purpose.
You sort of expected it, and you would have been disappointed if it didn't happen.