10 Types of People You Will Meet in Your Life & How to Deal with Each of Them

the number one health podcast in the world. Thanks to each and every single one of you that come back every week to listen, learn and grow. Now, I have got some very very exciting news. I've got some great news to share on Purpose has been nominated for two Webby Awards this year, and we need your help voting. The deadline is in les than a couple of weeks, so please vote today, Vote now. The link will be at the top of the description and will take you

straight to the voting page. Now, there are two awards to vote for, so make sure you vote for both of them. It will literally take thirty seconds, and honestly it would mean the world to me. We already won the AMBI this year, which is the Podcast Academy Oscar Style Award basically for best health and Wellness Podcasts. And I'm so grateful to all of you, But this vote is up to you. This one is all about you, so make sure you go check it out. It would mean the world to me because of you. We won

two Webby Awards last year. We'd love to add two more. And again, I just love, love, love the support that you all give me through reviews and votes. It means the world. So today I wanted to do this episode because I realize that throughout our lives, we generally assume that people think like us. We assume that people talk like us, assume that people will communicate like us. We make a lot of assumptions in life, and most of our assumptions is that people will project or reflect our

own values and characteristics. Hence, when someone acts out of alignment, we wonder why did that happen? But why would they do that? Why would they act in that way? So, even if you're there saying Jay, no, no, no, I know that people are different to me, but then why do we get so surprised and shocked when they act different, when they deal with conflict differently? Why is it that we find that so fascinating. Why is it that we get so lost and so absorbed in analyzing the way

other people live. I think what's fascinating about this is that we haven't learned to understand that we are coming across different types of people in our life. And I'd like to add a strong disclaimer any trait or characteristic or quality that I state in this podcast. A person is not a trait, A person is not a characteristic. A person at the human essence of it is consciousness and energy and is pure. But often we all get covered over by characteristics and traits. So when we hear

the language toxic person, that doesn't actually make sense. It's a toxic trait, it's a toxic habit, it's a toxic characteristic. And I want you to add this to your way of thinking, because the way we think about others comes from how we think about ourselves. If we think that someone can be toxic and be a toxic person, then we believe that we could be a bad person. But if we realize that someone can have toxic habits and still be a good person underneath those habits, then that's

how we are. We could be a person with bad habits. But underneath those bad habits, we have the potential and the choice to be good and to be great. So today, in this podcast, I'm going to talk to you about the ten types of people you will meet in your life and how to deal with them. Some of these are people who are going to bring amazing things to your life. Some of these are going to be people who take things from your life. Some of these people are going to be people that surprise you in a

healthy or unhealthy way. And the reason why I want you to be aware of this is as you listen to this episode, I want you to think about people in your life, and I want you to think about editing your relationship with them. What I've found is when something happens in the news, or something happens in celebrity culture, or something happens in the zeitgeist or mainstream culture, we all get so obsessed with analyzing it. We analyze every angle,

every perspective, every vantage point. Right. We literally overwhelmingly dive deep into the psychology and the analysis and the mindset. But in our own lives we often miss that same opportunity, that opportunity to dive deep, that opportunity to introspect and reflect. And here's my very strong belief. If we paid attention to our lives the way we pay attention to other

people's lives, our lives would be incredible. And I want today to be an opportunity where you think about the people in your life, where you think about the people on your journey, and you sit back and you ask yourself, where do I need to edit how I feel? I said something to my wife today. We had a phone call. We've been catching up. She's been in London for work. I'm in la Before I dive in, I just want to share this And I said something to Rather, and

I really meant it. I said, Rather, you know what, I trust you. I trust that when you're with people, you pass on the good you have in you rather than take on some of the challenges that they may have. And this is the way we want to be. We want to be people who are able to influence in a positive way, take positive influence, but not negatively influence others and not negatively be influenced. That's who we want to be, right. We want to be people who can

positively influence other people's lives. We also want to be people who can learn from other people's positives, and we can learn something from truly anyone and everyone. At the same time, we want to be someone who doesn't negatively influence someone, but we also want to be someone who's not negatively influenced by others. So let's dive into these ten people, and the first is we come across the overachiever, the productive one. How many of you know someone in

your life who's a high achiever, a high performer. They're highly productive, they're highly effective, and let's be honest, sometimes they make you feel insecure. They make you feel inferior or unqualified. Now, there are two ways this high performer can do that. One is that they're just sharing what they're up to and you feel that way, or there's someone who makes you feel that way. Notice there are

two different types. Not everyone who's a high performer will make you feel bad that you're not a high performer. But some people will go out of their way, and that's usually an insecure high performer. So any trait I give you will have a secure expression and an insecure expression. An insecure expression of a personality type is when you make someone else feel inferior to you, to feel superior. A secure expression of a personality type is just sharing

something because that's the truth, that's the reality. I often say to people, I wake up at six am, or I'm highly productive and effective throughout the day, and I'm not trying to do that to make someone feel like they should do that. And I will actually often caveat and say, by the way, this is just how I choose to live my life. This is what I love, this is what I enjoy, this is what my purpose is. This is what I extract meaning and fulfillment from right

and that brings me great joy. It brings me great excitement and enjoyment in my life, and that's why I do it. But that doesn't mean that someone can't have fun by not being productive or effective. But an insecure expression is to say, well, you know, no wonder you're struggling. I mean you're in bed till ten am, or you know, oh, well, you know, I work really hard, and I see that you're just being lazy all the time and you're just on social media. And you know when you hear that,

that can be very triggering. Now here's the thing. You can either leave that conversation and spend the whole journey home talking about how egotistic that person is, how narcissistic they are, how you know negative they are, and how they treat you. And none of that has a positive impact on you. None of that improves your life. None of that changes the quality of your mind. If anything,

it degrades your mind, It pulls you down. But actually, if you're in that scenario and you start to think, well, what do I want to do with my life? Who is it that I want to be, what do I value? What do I want to work hard for? Do I want to work hard at all? And if I could be more productive, what could I be more productive for? Is there a reason for it? Notice how, just as there can be a secure and insecure expression of a personality type, there can be a reflective or a critical

reaction to that personality type. And you see this time and time again. Today in society we have developed the ability to be critical, but not critical thinkers. We don't know how to think critically anymore. We simply know how to think critically, right, We don't know how to be critical thinkers. We just know how to be critical. So we may walk away from an interaction and be critical, But that criticism doesn't create any power in our life.

What creates power in our life is the ability to reflect, the ability to introspect, the ability to ask those questions. I was speaking to a friend recently who was saying that he was signed by a bunch of new people, and a lot of those people were doing everything from you know, going on skiing holidays. They were wearing fancy watches. They were talking about the suit they just bought. You know, they were talking about those things, and they weren't doing

it to make him feel inferior. They were just talking about their lives. They may have been slightly disconnected from reality, but that's fair. That's their reality. And so the understanding here is he went away and he was feeling like, gosh, I don't fit in I don't ski, I don't have this watch. Oh my gosh, I'm looking at my fifty dollar watch that I have, and you know, what's that got to do with anything? And you know, maybe I don't fit in here. Now. It's interesting that there could

be a few reactions. That's one of them. Another reaction could be, Okay, well I need to go get watches and I need to go get a skiing trip, and then the highest response is saying, well, maybe I need to think about it. If I want to travel at all, maybe I need to think about what kind of life I want to live. Notice how every opportunity when you meet someone is an opportunity to go inward. Every connection outward is an opportunity to go inward if you choose it.

Otherwise you get so wrapped up in the externalities of that individual that you can get so absorbed in their life without actually moving forward in yours. The second type of person is the care free or the time waster. The secure expression is the care free. They're content, they're happy with time just flying by and passing by. They don't pay much attention to it. And the other person is the time waster. They may complain that they're not getting enough done, they may be sad that they don't

feel productive and effective. They complain about it, but in reality it doesn't make sense because they're the ones wasting their time. So you may see both expressions of this, and you can't judge one for the other. I hope what I'm also sharing with you today is a lack of judgment. You know, I look back in my life, there have been times when I've been a time waster.

There's been times when I've been a insecure overachiever. There's been times in my life where I've been all these things, and that makes me more compassionate and empathetic to when people have those things too. So when a time waster is reflecting it as being content because they're secure in that way, don't force them to change. Allow them to be that way. It's actually beautiful that they're that way. Respect that, admire it, almost rewarded. Let them repeat it.

If they're content in being carefree, Let's actually champion that. Let's be people who notice that secureness in people. I have a few clients that I'll constantly say to them, I am so grateful for how self aware you are. Now. The reason I keep repeating that, I may repeat that multiple times on a call, or multiple times are multiple calls, because I realize that people don't realize what they do well.

We all realize what we do badly. If you did your skin routine perfectly every day for a week, you wouldn't stop and say, I've had seven days. I'm doing so great. But if you missed one day, you'd be like, oh gosh, I missed it. That's why I've got this spot on my face, and that's why I don't feel fresh and glowy and all the rest of it. Right, Notice how we're so quick to pick apart our lack

of performance. Then we are to pull ourselves up. And so I do that for my clients and friends and family, and I want you to do it for yourself, and I want you to do it for others. Now, the other side, the time waster, the insecure expression is almost like they try to pull you down. So they say, will you do too much work? You need to reduce the amount of time you'd spend at work. Oh my gosh, you're always working. You're always busy, And that's an insecure

expression of that. And when you hear those terms like oh you're always busy for everyone, you just prioritize your work like you know that passive aggressive almost That may make you feel uncomfortable and you may think, well, why don't you work and why don't you do this? And that's you kind of get into that bitterness. We know we have these two options, bitterness or bitterness, and bitterness creates more bitterness inside of us. And it's not a fun,

feeling right. You don't like sitting there feeling like, oh, well, maybe you should do some work, or maybe if you worked harder, you'd know Like those feelings don't do they fill you up. They don't feel me up, Like I don't feel a sense of excitement or joy or you know, I don't feel a sense of I don't know, I don't I don't feel a sense of as faction when I hear or experience those things inside my own head. And so when I hear that from people, you just

let it go. You realize it's an insecure expression of themselves. You let it go in one ear out the other. You continue to do your thing. Of course, this is different if it's your partner or if it's you're a loved one who's really trying to look out for you, where you would want to listen, you would want to take that into account and understand them. And I think that's something we have to do better in this scenario

as well. Is even then shut it out, we have to be curious and say, well, what would you say I do at that time? What would you say that? And really be curious, really ask it with sincerity, what I'm trying to do is avoid you getting lost and being pulled down. I want you to be able to either pull people up or keep going, but I don't want you to get pulled down. We've been getting so many amazing reviews for The Daily Jay, my new daily

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guided meditation experience the Daily J only on Calm. The third is the undercover, envious or jealous one. Maybe they smile, maybe they congratulate you, but you feel that The insecure expression of this one is that they pretend to be nice, or they may don't even pretend and they just pull you down. The secure expression of someone who may be envious, jealous, and they're doing this in a secure way is well, I'd love to learn from you. They may say to you,

can you teach me? Can you help me? They may congratulate you, but they may say it's amazing, I wish I could do the same thing. That's somewhat more of a secure expression. The insecure expression is when they pretend to be happy for you, but you know inside that they don't really quite feel happy. This can be really uncomfortable to deal with. This can be really really uncomfortable to deal with because it just makes you feel bad. It makes you feel guilty, It doesn't want you to

be close to them. And maybe this is someone in your circle that is around you a lot. And one of the things I've found and this made me realize who my real friends were and who weren't. I found that my real best friends are people I can share my highs with and my lows with. They're people that if I told them the best thing that happened in my life, they wouldn't judge me, and if I told them the worst thing in my life, they wouldn't leave me. Right,

that's a friend. A friend, A real friend is someone who doesn't judge you in your best time and doesn't leave you in your worst times when we're going through our best moments. A lot of the time, false friends will judge us. They will be envious, they'll be jealous, they'll think lower of us. But the key is we all have people in our life who have, again secure and insecure expressions of this. So what do we do.

One of the things I do with anyone that I know has a sense of envy or jealousy is you, of course, don't share things that trigger them. You don't try to share things that would concern them or make them feel that way. And when that happens, usually you struggle with that because you want to talk about that. Now. The mistake we make is we also overplay our issues, and that I saw I did that for a long time around people that I was scared felt that way.

I would overplay my issues and my problems and I would complain to them, And I realized that didn't make me happy either, because now I was becoming more of a complainer, and I didn't want to be that person. So notice, just because you don't tell them you're positives,

it doesn't mean you have to highlight your negatives. The best thing is to do is be neutral and ask them questions, support them in their journey, help them, guide them, coach the mentor them if you can see how you can support them and help them if you want, and if they're close enough. The fourth type of person is what I call the supporter for no reason, someone who

supports you for no reason. I have a wonderful friend that i'm thinking about right now, and I hope she's listening, and I would actually now that I start thinking of her, I would actually say, there's about three people I'm thinking of right now. These people have supported me for no reason. And when I say no reason, what I mean by that is they are just loving, kind, giving, supportive because they want to be They value what I do, they care about me, and they're support us for no reason.

Tell them how much you love them, make time for them messes right now, and tell them that you value them and love them. Those people are so special that they're often forgotten. They're the people that introduce you to some of the most amazing people. They're the people who the in between or the go between, that get forgotten,

that get hidden, that get lost. Please don't be one of those people that forgets them, that misses out on them, because you have so much to be thankful for with them, and I'm so excited for you to experience that for the rest of your life and never let it go. So what's the secure expression of the supporter? We know what that feels like. What's the insecure expression of the supporter is when they message you and they're upset that

you didn't tell them about something right now. That person still wants to support you, but they're having an insecure expression of it where they want to be your only cheerleader, they want to be your main go to person, And that becomes a challenge because you know, you're just like, well, why didn't you know about this? Or why why does it work that way? Or why do we get lost with this whole situation? And so those people as well, you still want to acknowledge them, receive them because they

do want to support you. And even if they're annoying, we're more annoyed by people who don't want to support us, so it's worth not missing out on them as well. So the fifth one is the needy one, the insecure expression. We all know that person is always messaging you, who always needs you, who always compares you to other people and says, oh, well, you're never there for me, or oh you aren't there, you forgot about this day or birthday, or you know, you never show up for me. It's

someone who wants a lot from you. I realized I struggled with this one for a long time because I'm married to someone who doesn't demand a lot from me, and I don't demand a lot from her, and we enjoy that space in our relationship. And so often i'd say to people, I'd be like, you want more from me than my wife wants from me. And sometimes there were men like, you know, it's people and my life friends, and I would just say, I can't live up to that because even my wife, my mom, my dad, they

give me space and it's hard. So I was very honest with them, because to me, the honesty is what cleared the air of expectation. Sometimes, because we want to be people pleasers, we feed into the needy people because we don't want them to think we're bad people, but then we eventually end up letting them down anyway. Right, how many times have you tried to please a needy person and you let them down anyway? Because so many people are not going to be pleased by whatever you

can do, especially if they have a needy element. Right, So I want you to just think about how you can behave with a needy individual, and how you can respond and how you can interact because the needy person can often take so much energy and take so much effort because you don't draw your boundaries. And I think so many people don't draw their boundaries because we're people pleases. We say we're there for them, but really we're doing it because we don't want them to think we're bad people.

But that's where being honest is never being a bad person. By saying I don't have the capacity, I don't have the ability, I don't have the bandwidth. You know, my wife, my partner doesn't need this much from me, and I'm trying to spend my time with them. And I'll often say that to people, like I'll go back to London and people be like, oh, I'd love to see and I'm like, look, I haven't seen my mum for like a year and a half. It's going to be hard for me to find time. It's going to be hard

for me to get that going. And so just being honest saves you and saves you from the pressure and expectation that you're placing on yourself because someone else is placing it on you. Now, the sixth one. I've met a lot of people in this category, mainly men. Call them the tough ones. What I mean by this tough one is not the physical toughness, in toughness where they portray a stoicism. So the tough one, the secure expression of this is that they're able to experience emotions, but

they wait till they feel comfortable, and that's healthy. But then there's also people that never want to show their emotions. They only show their toughness, and they often impress that upon you. So when we take a look at that scenario and look at those two expressions of secure and insecure expression, the way to deal with tough people is to melt them with love. I remember, I've always been a hugger. And if you see me and you listen to the podcast, come up to me and tell me

you're an on purpose listener. I will give you the biggest hug, I promise you. I'm a hugger through and through and through. I love hugging people, and I will do that. But here's the thing. When I do that to certain people who aren't used to being hugged, or they are the tough one, then that can be They're uncomfortable in the beginning. And I've realized that you can

melt people's heart with love. I've met so many tough people in my life and I have just loved on them and loved on them and loved on them genuinely, not as a technique, not as at aol, because I love them and I appreciate them, and I've seen the hearts melt because everyone is seeking love. Remember this beautiful quote from Russell Barkley where he said that people who need the most love often ask for it in the most unloving ways. So that person who's acting like that tough,

cold exterior, they often need the most love. They're just asking for in a weird way. So if you love on that person eventually, and loving doesn't mean running after, loving doesn't mean pleasing, Loving means noticing the potential in them, noticing the good in them, noticing the genuine spark within them. You notice that specifically, that person will start to melt. The seventh one is the self centered one. We all have a friend who all they do when you go

over is talk about themselves. If you can't think of someone that friend, is you, right? It's that person that you know when you over, it's always going to be about them. It's going to be about their date, it's going to be about their business, it's going to be about their relationship. It's going to be about them them them them them them them them them. And the funny thing is that we have a bit of self centeredness and us because we're like, well, why is it about

them them them them them them? It should be about me? Me me me me me me right like that, that's even a self centered thought. And what I've found is when I'm in that scenario, the most reliable method is

to be vulnerable and curious with them. You have to be more vulnerable about yourself to be able to allow them to connect, and you have to be more curious about them so that they're forced to actually think the reason why people talk about themselves more often is because they don't get to talk about that in their own head.

So they're trying to do it with you. They're trying to have a conversation that they should be having in their head with you, and so if you're curious, you can actually help them reflect more effectively, which actually makes them go huh oh yeah, okay, that makes sense, all right, how are you doing right? Like, so they're actually using you and not using you in a manipulative way. They're using you because people need this as a sounding board, and when you act as a sounding board, they can

move on quicker. When you act as just someone who listens or someone who's disengaging goes yeah, yeah, I guess so, then you're actually encouraging them to just continue doing that because you're not being an effective sounding board. So if someone is trying to make you a sounding board, don't become a wall. Become a sounding board. Play the role of the sounding board. Ask questions, reflect, introspect. Not only does it become more interesting and a learning curve for you,

it becomes more fascinating for them. Okay, three more people. Number eight is the generous one. It's easy reciprocate with them. A secure expression of the generous one is someone who's being generous and they don't tell you they are. The insecure expression is someone who's being generous and has to

tell you they are. Either way, reciprocate with them. The person who's generous without asking for it, show them some love, tell them how much they mean to you, generous with their time, generous with their money, generous with their network. And then the person who's insecure and has to keep

reminding you of it. One of the best things to do with them is to not fall into the trap of reminding them of all the good things you do, but reminding them of all the other good things other people do and saying things like, well, you know, I was doing this person the other day. They're doing this amazing thing. They're doing that, And what that starts to do is it helps them realize that there are lots of other people that are thoughtful and generous. It helps

them realize and gain perspective. You're helping them have a thought that they may not have, and you're not putting them down. Remember, your response is never to put someone down, is to pull them up or keep going yourself remember that you are either trying to keep going or pull someone up, but you're never pulling someone down or putting someone down or pushing someone down. You just don't do that. It's not worth it. Number nine is the playful one.

This is my wife. Protect them, let them be playful in our growing up and our adulthood. We want everyone to grow up and become serious and become This is different from the time waste, where it's someone who's productive, they're doing their own thing, but they're playful, they're fun, and when we're tired and when we're exhausted, we just want to be like, stop it. Just why do you have to be so joyful all the time? Sometimes people feel that way, They go, why are you being so joyful?

Why are you happy all the time? Protect that person, that person who has that childlike innocence, that love in their heart, that joy in their mind and body and soul. Protect that. Remind them to stay that way. Encourage them to stay that way. You know, I think about this with people on my team. I always remind them, I'm like, you're graatious the way you are. Stay that way, Like, I just want you to know that I see that and I honor that, I honor that, and then it's

the flip side. The tenth one is the parental one. Help them bring out their inner child. They may be had to grow up too quick, they may be had to take responsibility on too soon, and they've forgotten how to play. Bring play into their life. Introduced them to the playful one, and see what happens. I want to thank you for listening to today. Remember to vote, please, please, please do go vote for us. I hope this helped you pass it on to someone that you think is

going to benefit from it. And I cannot wait to see you again next week. Thank you for all your love and support. You're the best.