Chris Appleton EXCLUSIVE: “I Thought My Kids Would Be Better Off Without Me” Opening up About The Darkest Night of His Life and What FINALLY Gave Him The Courage to Live Authentically

so public and external. Today's guest is Chris Appleton, a renowned celebrity hairstylist best known for creating iconic looks for the likes of Kim Kardashian, Jennifer Lopez, Ariana Grande, and so many more. Chris is the global creative director for Colour Wow Hair and a social media sensation with over seven million followers. His work is regularly featured in Vogue, Harper's Bizarre l and in Style. In his debut book, Your Roots, don't define you. Chris opens up about identity,

transformation and self work. So I want you to support Chris. Go and pre order it right now. Please, Welcome to On Purpose Chris Appleton. Chris, it's great to have you here, great to finally be here. I mean, we have bumped into each other in a million places, absolutely, whether it's Jims Cities, Jims in Miami, Paris, La. And I've always been an admirer of you and your work from the outside. You work with incredible people. They have so much love

and respect for you. But I have to be honest and say that when I've read the book, I have a different level of respect for you that came from this book because I can see you really want to help people, and I can see that you want to use your journey as a way of supporting other people's journeys. And that fascinating because you don't really know that when you follow someone on Instagram or see them. So I'm glad that we get to pull back the curtain on your life and understand you more.

just what we see because it's surface level and there's nothing wrong with that. But I think it's so nice to be able to get to know more and just know some of the magic of how things are done and how everyone else can have a part of that. And that's what I hope with the book, that people feel like they can have a part of that and you know, help make that come back.

You know, we didn't have many luxuries and life was real. It was very you know, different to La and sunshine. It was rainy and gray, and I remember sort of looking out the window and I felt like I didn't really belong I knew I felt different. I knew there was something different, Like my brothers enjoyed doing football and sports, and my sisters like doing girls things like I don't know why we were playing with bobbies or braiding hair, and I kind of felt somewhere in the middle. I didn't

really feel like I fit in. I was a middle child also, and I remember just looking out and I felt quite alone. And I think that was the beginning of me kind of abandoning myself in a way to fit in, to fit in with what I think people around me thought I should be or who I was

told to be. So that memory was in one way, it's very motivational now I know what it meant because I can kind of go back to that moment and I've learned that sur in therapy and sort of been able to like connect with that inner child, which for so long I ignored. But I think for me, it was a real special moment that I go back to because you can kind of change that, you can change what you came from and that's a lot about what the book's about. It's about how your roots don't define you,

and it really is about you know, we all grow up being told to be something or be someone, or we have influencers around us which kind of leaders into a certain part of our lives, and sometimes we stop and look in the mirror and don't recognize how we got there, let alone how we look. You know, sometimes I've worked with clients and I'll say, you've got short, dark hair and bangs. Why is that? And why just what I've always had? I don't know we ever thought

about going lighter and long? No, not really? Why not? Well just because that's not what they kind of then stop and go, well, why have I never thought that? Because no one ever given the freedom to. And a lot about what my job was about is really kind of opening people up. It's really starts on the outside as a visual, but then once you start going internal with things and breaking down these kind of boundaries, it's really quite magical what can happen. And that, in a

nutshell is kind of what I've always done. Gone that little bit deeper, and I guess going back to that childhood memory really helps me kind of remember that that your roots really don't define you, and you do have a chance to start again. It's never too late.

that was something you discovered. Really, what was the discovery of it? I think it was, honestly, the first time I felt good at something. I was pretty young.

was my mom. At the time, I realized you had this ability to sort of change the way people felt. I really liked that. I loved that you could transform people. I was really mesmized by that. But I noticed people reacted different, and I felt like that was almost like a superpower. So I just thought, I'm going to be the best at it. This is what I'm good at. I'll be the best at it, and I'll prove everyone wrong. I'm not stupid. And again just being conditioned to I mean,

I was pretty bullied at school because of that. And then when I did hair, there was this whole thing about sexuality and it's like, oh, you're gay because no one back then did hair espec when had a job at thirteen, and doing hair was you know, stereotypically where I grew up, people you know, said okay, wee are you gay? And that was before I al really even understood sexuality. I didn't even really consider it. I was just a young guy having a great time. You know,

when you're a kid, you just you're free. You know, it's great. It's such a good feeling. And then the harsh reality of life slaps around the face one day and I remember sort of things, was like, well bad, that's bad, Like being gay must be bad because people are They weren't saying it in a nice way, like you're gay. They were like you're gay. You know, people would like spit on you. And I mean it was bad.

I got bullied quite aggressively, and I think that really led me to push, and I guess push away from myself. That's I think when the curtain started to come down and I really abandoned myself because I started to become a version of myself that I thought other people wanted to see. So talk a little bit more masculine, stand more masculine. You know, you start to become very aware of your mannerisms. Doing hair was feminine. So I kind of kept it to myself and I just kept my

head down. I didn't want to tell people about it. And it's really sad because I think being a gay child, I learned to hide myself. I lean to hide the parts of myself with authentic and I adapted myself into being something that I thought other people wanted me to be.

And as an adult, what you have to do is then on pick those parts and find out what were the parts that are actually me? And the parts that I created for other people. And as much as anything, I go back to the book, like there is stories about my life and as reflection, but it's really about helping people get to get back to theirs and on pick it as well, because sometimes it takes a bit

of that work, and that work can be brutal. It's not the easiest work I've ever done, but I would say the most rewarding for sure.

not everyone is, like I guess aware of that. Not everyone is aware is you can change the story, and there's a real freedom to doing that.

that take? Because I think often when we look at athletes, or you look at business, there's people who've told those stories. But when you take something as artistic as air, yeah, we don't necessarily think about it in the same way totally, at least publicly, even though it's such an important part of daily life that everyone has, right And so I want you to walk me through, like what was that process? Like? Like what did that take? What did that look like?

first day. I remember it very clear. I remember standing against the wall and I saw people walking one way and I saw them then walk out another way once they have their hair done, and I swear they were standing a little taller and then you know, their shoulders went back and I was like, this is good. I love this, and I was like I want to do I remember literally thinking this is what I'm going to do. And I just like every aspect of parent if I didn't know how to do it, I'd find out, you know.

I mean, eventually, as my career regressed and I became top sort of hair stylist, and then was like, what's outside of this? So I'd look outside. I was like, Oh, this is thing called editorial hair, and there's fashion shows and there's and every every kind of block was like a beginning again because no one really kind of like if you're a sale hairdresser. You're just a soale hairdress so you can't be a fashion hairdresser. You know, they

kind of there's a competition. Yeah, totally. It's like, you know, people love to put you in a box. All my life, people love to put me, and I still to today, I'm always trying to fight being put out of box. I don't know if you can relate to that. I think a lot of people just still love to put you where they know you can stay. And I just pushed myself to know every aspect and if I didn't

know what it was. I remember, for example, I eventually got an editorial job and they wanted a look that I just didn't know how to do, and I just got in a car. I took myself to this local salon and she did this. It was like this, this like weaving technique of it's called a basket weave, and like I would sit there and watch her and just pay this woman to sit and watch and I'd sit with her doll's head up all night. I don't know, I just I think I just went above and beyond.

I loved what I did, I still love what I do, and I just I think that combined with again a bit of a blessing in a curse, like a little bit of an OCD mentality, where I wanted it to be good and I could see things. I don't just let things go. I can see every detail and every little hair, and I think that can combined and just the passion to want to be good at something just pushed me. And it's funny now because it's only now

I'm forty two and I look back at videos. I recently just put some things on social media because someone came from the UK with a big box of DVDs, and even I forgot what I did to get to where I've got. Every competition I did and I didn't

win and failed, and every you know, educational thing that I failed because of my dislexay. I just kept bouncing back and the nose. I had people laugh in my face, you know. I remember eventually I got an agent, and I was so excited about the next steps, and they'd laugh at me. They were like, you know, you just need to stay where you are and keep it real, and they'd send me on a photo shoot for some

flip flop commercial. I just I didn't care. I was just determined, and I think you have to have that resilience along the way. I think you really have to have that intern or resilience to stay focused. And it's not it was never one thing. It was just lots of little leap frog moments. Everyone thinks it's this big moment. It really isn't. It's just a build. But I would say one of my biggest secrets to success in that

area was just to be consistent. I stayed consistent and when I got knocked down, I got back up on a carry on and I tried to land by every mistake as I went along. You know, I if I failed, I was like, why did I fail in that person? Wait? Why did that person get it? And I didn't. I would look and I analyze the situation and come back. Yeah, And I think that's a lot of what it takes.

hear that same story. But going back to England and talking about the derogatory use of the term gay, I mean, I went to a boys school and I think about all the guys at my school that got so bullied

because we went to a boys school as well. And now when I look at how many guys in my school were gay but never came out until years later, some of them at university, some of them much later than that, and I'm just like, wow, they never even had the opportunity because they thought immediately that if they were to say that at our school, they were going

to get bullied for it. And so I get how real that was at that time especially, and of course there are still parts of the world where that's still the case. But how early were you sure about that being part of your identity and were you consciously masking it or was it still a discovery of your identity or was it like, oh, I know that's true and I'm going to hide it now, as you said, you had to abandon yourself, or was it like I don't really know what that is and I'm discovering and figuring

it out. How was it for.

that little guy, because it really did abandon myself and I think I just I shut it out. I didn't even allow myself to think about it. It was before sexuality. I was even thinking about having sex, so anything like that, I just knew it was bad and I just pushed it away. So I went through my life, like I said, trying to just be normal, and as far as I was aware, it was fine. And it's not until you really you have these moments where you stop at life.

Life makes you stop sometimes if you don't choose to stop and look in the mirror, sometimes life makes you stop it's a you know, something, you losing a family member, it can be anything. But sometimes you have to sit with yourself. And I don't know that ever allowed myself to know. I never had the space to express that.

And that's why I'm hoping with like the book, that I can help someone that feels not seen and someone that is going through a hard time, or someone that is successful but miserable when they get home, because I never got that opportunity and finding that makes such a difference. It makes a difference in the job you do, the relationships you have, the friendships you have, and just generally who you are as a person.

when he was thirty. Yeah, and he just and he grew up in a Muslim background, and so that was extremely hard for me because of the religious pressure, and it was such a journey for him and he thinks about who he became after that age, and it's almost like everything went in its favor after that. Yeah, Whereas up until that point it always felt like everything was working against him. But he, like you, also felt that he had to hide and you know, not be honest with himself.

to that, I will always put them before myself. The difficulty with shame is it's very different, difficult to heal. When I wasn't just feeling my shame, I was feeling shame for them. I was feeling shame. Yeah, I felt a lot of shame and moving to America, the part of it that became easier is because an introduction could be like, hey, I'm Chris and it's like I'm gay,

you know, and no one blinks an eyelid. But where I grew up in the town where people knew me, Hey, I'm Chris, and it's like I didn't feel confident to say I was gay, and if I did, they'd be like, oh, he used to be he's got a family, he's got kids,

Oh my god, you know, and there was always this secret conversation. It was just this It felt dark still, it still felt like people wanted to keep putting me back in the box. So, you know, it was kind of part of moving to America was at the first time that I could experience what it was really like to come out without all of the outside noise because I'd already made a life on myself. Yeah, and you know, I get it. People. When there's a secret, people want

to talk. People love to you know, when there's a secret, people want to know the answer to it. Yeah.

I was supposed to do as a man. And when I did realize I was gay, I mean, god, it came crashing down.

spoken about. Princess Diana was on the news shaking a man with AIDS without gloves, and that was headline news because you know, the like could she get AIDS? And I'm shaking this man's hand. People didn't know enough about it, and they knew about AIDS, and it was kind of told to me that gay enda AIDS, so I was also fearful of that. One I was prone to OZD like, I just felt very conscious of that. So I had

an experience that I kind of met someone. We became friends, and it never really went beyond friendship, but he told me one day that he was HIV positive. I remember he didn't even live near me. We had a phone call, conversation daily, but I became friends with him, and it was the first time that I was kind of like, I like this guy, like I really like him, and I kind of was trying to understand it. So it was a slow process. And then he told me you had HIV and I was like, well, I can't. I'm good.

I'm absolutely good. So I literally just cut it off. And even though I hadn't done anything, I felt like, oh my god, cod I get a HVI because this is a thing I don't know. It was really really scary, and then I guess over the process of the next year. I think once, like I say, you kind of put your foot in the water. It was just it was hard to go back. And then once I actually did meet someone, yeah, that was it. There was there was no going back.

for people to feel and go through the process. But the hardest part was telling my kids, and I think mentally for me, I couldn't really ever get my head around that. I've never actually spoke about this. I didn't think I ever would, but I do feel ready. I feel ready to talk to people because I feel like, hopefully it will help someone else that's going through a difficult time. But my job as a dad, I felt, was to protect my kids. Going through what I went

through as a kid, being bullied was horrible. My childhood was a lot of memories are not great ones. So the idea of bringing that to my kids was really painful to feel that they would get botheried because their dad was gay. I know the things that kids say and how I mean they can be, and I just didn't want them to ever have that shame that was put on me, onto them, and in a way, I felt like I felt like a disease. I felt like it was like a cancer. I wanted to clear it

out of me. I was like, if I could just get rid of that, then I could just be a normal dad for them, because that's what they need, you know. I just, I just I felt so selfish putting myself first. So eventually people started to talk, as they do. It was a small town, and me and Kate decided to tell the kids, so I couldn't even say the words. And I think maybe a lot of people can relate to this. Initially, saying the words I'm gay is a challenge because once those words are out, it's done. I

actually didn't say it. The mother of Kate's mum actually said it. And then I just saw these two beautiful kids who were like six and eight, and they were just they were upset because they knew why I was upset, and they were confused, and all of a sudden, I just felt like I'd I felt like I just messed their life up, and I felt like I'd failed as a dad because my job was to protect them and if anyone ever hurt them, I would protect them. But I was the one hurt in them, and I couldn't

understand that. I also just couldn't hide it was gay anymore. I was so exhausted from it. So after telling them it just a confusion killed me. And my son said to me, you know it, does that mean you're going to you know, have your arm like this? Like because he was so young and innocent and kids at school would do there was already things said, you know, And I was like, no, you know, I'm just me. I'm the same. I'm not going to change, but that are

you going to change? Are you going to be different? Yeah? I kind of just shut down and I left. And I left not because I was three, but I left because I felt so much shame. And I got in the car. I drove for a couple of hours. I drove for quite a long time, felt like five minutes. I just felt like I needed to get away from them. I just I felt like I was contagious. And I sorry, I've not really spoke about this before, so to be sorry. Yeah.

So I I felt like it would be better for them to have a dad that was dead than a dad that was gay, and so I I brought some pain colors. I brought a bottle of alcohol and I checked myself into a hotel, and the whole time I had a picture of the kids. It was like this computer case it had and the smiling on it. They wrote a message on it. It was silly, it was just a little computer case, but I was just holding

it the whole time. I slept with it a lot throughout that period, just I just wanted to protect them, you know. And I took the tablets and drank the alcoholic. I rank itate and I apologized for the pain that I've caused, and I closed my eyes and I just thought, this is it. This is it. I won't hurt anyone anymore, or you know, I won't bring any more pain, and maybe I'll stop hurting too. The rest was a blur.

I remember sirens and stuff, and I just then remember being in hospital and I could hear voices, and I remember thinking, is this it? You know? Where am I? And something changed then, and it was really powerful because I realized I couldn't hate myself anymore than I had, and I couldn't try and stop being gay anymore. I've done everything with my powers my whole life, creating a different world that I thought everyone wanted me to be and take all the boxes, but I knew I had

to reveal the truth. And so in that moment it was really quiet. It wasn't dramatic, but I just remember thinking, well, what about if I just surrender? What about if I'm just gay and I just be that? And I don't really know where to begin with it, and I don't know where it's going to lead me, but it has to be better than what I've been doing. And in

that moment something changed. I decided to live. And I think that's the moment where I went back to that eight year old boy standing at the window and allowed

himself to be seen. That was the beginning of it already. So although it was one of the darkest nights of my life, I think it was a turning point. And like I say, it's not something I take lightly. I

think it's not something I've ever spoken about. But I hope other people in watching this can maybe feel heard or seen and find the help they need, or even maybe it's a parent that's struggling and understanding their child to understand how dark it can be when you're left in silence and when you don't get to express who you truly are, or even if it's the kid that did the bullying at school, and see how painful it can really be for someone.

that's what I want to help people with. And it's not just about my journey. It's about helping people realize theirs.

and being different. It's so a special thing to be able to have that talent to be different, to let it grow, and when it's not suppressed, my God, like the whole world can change. My whole whole world really did change. And it can be such a beautiful thing.

And I'm not talking about success. I'm talking about inner happiness. You know, there's a lot of successful people out there and they're not happy. You know a lot of people some unsuccessful people and they're not happy. I think true happiness on the inside is really I don't know, it's a really powerful tool.

And I think everyone was just trying to process something. It didn't really matter to me in terms of like that was the time I came back to myself. So there was there was a change in my brain where I really just was like, I'm going to allow myself to be and I'm going to be respectable of everyone else, and I'm going to be supportive because it's just who I am. But I'm going to be, you know, I'm going to be I'm going to allow Chris to be and I'm a gay man and that's it.

from the book. And I'm excited for people to read. I'm encouraging people to read the book because I think when they engage with it and you're sharing of it, they'll get the context that you won't be able to realize, Like, this wasn't an overnight change, It wasn't a one night switch. But walk me through the process you had to go through over the next few months and years to rebuild, because you said you almost came home to yourself totally, but then you had to build this new house.

really be in the moment and really feel things. And I think working with therapists to try and understand, even making sure my kids were okay with them seeing a therapist and Kate, did you know. I think everyone was on their own journey. But personally, for me, it was just taking every day as it came. And there were good days and there were bad days, and there were days I still felt really shameful, and there were days

I didn't feel such shameful. But I think, as with anything, and when you're grieving something, and I really was grieving a loss because I was grieving the loss of people I used to be and so in a way it was like a death because I was letting go of that, I was letting go of this image that I created this man that I created and what came with that man family, And so then I had to you don't have it all figured out. I'll be honest with you, though, Jay,

I still don't have it all figured out. I wake up every day and I'm still figuring out I think as humans we are. I'm grateful for that because that means I'm always learning and I'm always growing. And if I'm growing and that that makes me feel happy because I'm alive. Yeah, you know, no one ever has it all figured out?

And you know, for me, that's why I did the book, because I was trying to help people come back to themselves. And I don't think I can do that if I'm not telling them my story yeah, you know, to say I had a really dark moment too. A lot of people have had dark moments too.

you're always maintaining, you're always sustaining. You don't just it's almost like you don't just end up with a six pack. It's like that's something that takes to work, and.

every one of us and me included too. I think even with the work I do, I definitely carry that baggage sometimes of people thinking I'm teaching from the place of perfection, and it's like we're not trying to Yeah, it's like, actually, I'm trying to do the opposite and just trying to be a friend who's nudging you in

the right direction. And by the way, I do this as much for you as I do it for me, because the more I talk about these ideas, the more and I'm sure you felt that with your book, the more you're talking about these ideas, the more responsible you feel to actually live them.

him anything. And so just shows how hard it is to even talk about it with someone, even though your friend is an expert, and so just because you're a therapist or a coach or a guide or it's not easy for people to open up about these things.

where I'm at now. And I think if you can take some of the shame away from people struggling in life, and you know, I think someone like me, where people perceive me to have it all figured out, maybe to know that they've not and there's been some really hard times in my life enables people to be able to talk about theirs too and feel free to be able to express them at that and there isn't so much shame around it.

and I was just a kid trying to grow up. You know. He was a good ten years old on than maybe maybe twelve years he was twelve years older than me. He actually met me in London. I was there for some shoot and he said I wanted to meet and I'm all right, well okay. So we met and had dinner and he actually apologized and he sat down and he said, you know, I was really shit to you. I was really shitty, brother, and I don't

think I realized how much pain you were in. And I think he was in his own pain because everyone's got their own journey. And you know, I found forgiveness in that. I found forgiveness and it was actually really really special. Like I say, that's what I mean. It wasn't an overnight thing. This is literally ten years later, like my brother's apologizing. But I also I'm mature enough and have done the work enough to recognize that he was going for a difficult time. He used drugs and

he was going for his own thing. But you know, here's sort of acknowledgment of that still stopped me in my tracks and was like, yeah, that was tough, but I forgive you, and a forgiveness is also a beautiful thing. And letting go and moving on. Yeah, I like me to move on. I like to go right through something and then let it go, and I think that's a beautiful thing. It's brutal, it's really hard, so easy to avoid. So many people avoid stuff, complete avoid and completely just

let's pretend it' snampling. But for me, what works is to really feel it and sit in it, because then I feel like I can let it go.

Now let dive back in. How does it feel now that you've said it out loud and talked about it? How does that feel in your chest? Hot?

being able to look at it in the mirror. And I felt like sharing that is empowering to me and hopefully others. I feel lucky to be able to share my journey with other people. Hopefully you know, someone finds it interesting or can give them a different perspective on their day and in their life. And I've done that in like an outward sense of a visual with people

know that with my job. But I think the internal part is just really where it starts, because when you marry those together, that's when you have your real power.

and I'm like, ah, it's a secret. It doesn't need to be I'm not that person anymore. No one is the people that we were in that time. We've all moved on and evolved and I'm in a better place in my life now. And I think with wisdom comes you know, like you being able to educate people and share people. That's like me in my head dressing, career, learning, all these amazing techniques giving them all to myself. And everyone has said to me before, like you really want

to share your techniques? People might copy you, and I'm like, god, I hope they do. I hope they have great hair. Yeah, everyone everyone deserves it. I think some new takes. I'm onto the next thing. So yeah, I mean, look, we're human beings. Like I said, none of us have it figured out. But I also have great people around me

to be like Chris, remember you're helping others And I'm like, yeah, that's what I want to do.

because it's difficult to do. You know, even on social media, people say to me, oh, you know you like you have this Polish social media, you bring people in more. It's difficult sometimes to do that when it's at a camera in front of you, and I think I've always been very one on one. That's what I do. But that's why I wanted to package it up and put it into something that people could read and take in them themselves.

was kind of doing different types of hairdressing work. I remember I got a call once I was in London and I had an email actually that came through and it was from Jalo's team and I remember thinking, oh wow, but it was too much to kind of take in. I was like, it's like, are you available? You know, we wanted to see if Chris Appleton was available for a Vegas show and I was like, oh, it's interesting. And then I thought, well, how does Jalo know who

I am? It was the beginning of social media and I was posting, not really know what I'm doing, but I was just posting all different hairstars I was doing, so I guess when I look back, my brand quite quickly was apparent. I was always changing up. I'm not your beachy wave kind of guy. I like to do a look, do the next one, move on, that's next. I was very excited by hair and I was just posting all that, so I kind of felt what was cool? But I'm in England and that's Hollywood. I sart the

land of dreams. You know, it's far, far, far away, and they're not going to fly me out, so all right, well I just left it and I thought, maybe this is just like a Maybe it's like a fake email.

You know, you get a lot of random emails, Hey is that madam? You've won ten? And I'm like, oh how about you know I haven't replied into them anymore, but for when I was younger I used to. So I left it and a few months later I got another email. I thought, well, maybe this is a thing, maybe, like maybe I could go to LA you know, it seemed like the big shining star, and that's where a lot of stars are, and I loved the excitement. As a kid, I was always really sort of mesmerized by

the power of transformation. Back then it was Madonna, you know, she would have a different look per album, and I always loved how each look. Really it started a trend. People would start to wear it in the streets and it was like a whole vibe. So for well, maybe I'll go to LA. So I pretty much decided to do it. I packed two suitcases. I had a whole apartment in London that I'd worked very hard for, small,

basement one, but nevertheless it was mine. And I packed two suitcases and I moved moved to LA.

an experience that didn't go so well. It was like my one opportunity and it seemed to go very wrong.

and I just sat outside. So I was like, okay, I'll just wait for a bit, and then I went by and I was like, well, maybe she don't need too much done to a hair, you know. And then two hours went by and I'm like, well maybe, like the hair's probably done and I'm just going to be finessing it, you know. And then the last twenty minutes before the live show, I'm like, I mean, so I'll just go home, and they called me in, so I thought, well, you know, she definitely got a hair done. It's gonna

be good. Right twenty minutes, I mean, what else can it be? So I'll go in. And it wasn't good. It wasn't done. It was ready to be done. So she's like, what do you want to do? And I was like, well, or what I really want to do? It's two hours to do? Yeah, but whatever we got to waiting for.

So I said to her, like, would you if you ever try to wis? I thought that would be great because it'd be fast, and she's like, I don't like wigs somehow, of course you don't like wiggs. And then I really lost myself and I was like, why would you like anything I've got to do? Like you see me, you see the little boy and standing in the wind, you see little Chris, Like, what am I doing it? I'm a joke. I'm a joke, Like why I am it? And I felt like that shame again and I felt small,

so small, and I just had this moment. It was actually the mother of my kids, Kate, who we are still best friends and she has always been so supportive throughout my career. I called her on the way and she said to me, look, Chris, if you don't make this work, you're going to have to come home because I have responsibility and my dad, I have the kids, you know, And I remember you think if I don't make this work, we I have to go home. So I thought you know what, Let me do me, and

if she doesn't like it, that's cool. We're just not a match. But if I don't do me and do everything, I know, I'm thirty one, I've spent my whole life learning this craft. If I don't do me and walk away, I'll always kick myself. So I said, you know what, you've never tried more weeks, Let's try it. She was like, all right. So I put it on the head and

she was like, oh, and I'd finessed wigs. I got really good at them because I used to work with cancer patients and and all these little tricks I kind of like from one area of my life then turned into making me good at it for stars. And so I put it on ahead and there was no time. She was like, I like it. So I put it on. It was like no time. She literally got up and run off onto the onto the show, and then she's on live TV. And you know, that was the time

of social media. Because I was also very nervous because well, everyone's going to have an opinion on this, and when it's good, it's great, and when it's bad it's not. When it's bad, you'll know about it.

over at me and she went, everyone likes your wig, and then just carried on talking. And in that moment I knew that and it was great, Like she looked great, and then we worked together. You know, at the beginning, you look right. I mean, I don't want people to think I am being arrogant in telling that story, because no, I'd put so much of my whole life into my craft. I wanted to learn it inside out, upside down, left

to right. I knew every aspect of her for me to be able to be able to stand there and know that it was the right thing to do. I wasn't being pushy or anything. I just knew that this was right. And therefore, if it didn't work, it's like a relationship. If it didn't work, it's okay. Yeah I tried. If I don't do what I know to be true and good, then I'll always kick myself and I'd hate that.

And I think part of my coming out story, and you know, seeing my full self again was not ever letting myself not be seen, and you know, I wanted to present as I was and the knowledge I knew and that was it was a success story in it, and that was the beginning of my career in Hollywood. It just rolled on once people saw her hair because we did this kind of really icy wig and then

I did these hoops in the hair. And then I started working with Ariana and then Kim and then Adele and it was Jlow and it just Katie Perry just just evolved. You know, who's doing that? That's cool. You know pop stars or artis started to change their hair up, so it's like, okay, so it's very fast. That was very fast, but I was very prepared because I'd spent thirty one years in my life learning it.

similar experience. But the thing I found as well was if I was trying to be what they wanted me to be, I couldn't be that. I just knew how to do what I do, and that's really hard. When you feel inexperienced, you feel like an impostor, and you feel like you don't belong here, which is how I felt.

just makes me experienced. I've got to trust the experience I have, and most importantly, it makes me me So I love that message from your experience there, which was if you hadn't done the WIG, it would have just looked terrible because you wouldn't have been able to do anything in that time, and so you had to trust your instincts, which was my experiences. Let's go with the weik. Yeah, totally, that's amazing, and then obviously you became such good friends

with Kim and everyone. It's like, what's been your favorite part about building these amazing relationships because the work is so intimate, it is so connected to them.

Kim Kardashian. I don't really see her like I see as Kim, you know, and she is a mother, an amazing mother. She is a businesswoman, you know, to see what she did with Skims and build that, and just to see how she is with everyone that walks in the door. You know, she speaks to whether it's an assistant, a lighting person, what she's says hello to everyone, introduces herself. She doesn't have to, but she's just a great person.

She's well closed, a really really great person. And so I think organically you spend so much time together with the people you work with, obviously there's a friendship there. And I'm just incredibly grateful I've got to work with the people like I do, and you know, see them in the light I do, because I guess not everyone does, because again, we all make assumptions. Everyone's just seen a vision or an image or a quick clip on TV or a clip here on social media, and we all

make assumptions. It's what we do. It's okay. But I just feel grateful to have seen a side that maybe others haven't.

and they're really great at what they do. What they do, yeah, what they do, and yeah they treat everyone with respect. It and it isn't as juicy as you want it to be No. Yeah, so with your journey with that piece, it feels like, I mean you said it earlier, were like,

it only gets harder. Yeah, And it feels like even though now you were having this success and that was moving fast and you have become the person you've become where you are the go to person in the city but across the states for all of these people to turn to whether the musicians, models, talent. And then I think, now it's been like just a year from your divorce again, and that was with a very public relationship. Was that the first time you'd had a public relationship.

people say things about you. There's things in the tabloid and people that have an opinion on your life, and that can be incredibly intense, especially when you're just trying to deal with things. I think for me, what really helped me was not being okay. And you know, I've always believed in therapy, and I work with a therapist to really sit in my feelings and really go through them and understand how I felt. And that is really

brutal to go through it. But for me coming out the other side, there's a part of you that feels like you can you know, reflect on it and move on. The biggest lessons I learned is finding alignment. From what I do is all about visual you know, It's what I've done my whole life, and even what people see

of me is this visual representation of Chris Heppleton. But I think for me there was a real peace in finding alignment and in a peace on the inside. And like I said, that wasn't an easy process. But I think when you align those two, when you genuinely feel good on the inside. I think that's when your real power comes in place. And I think, you know, just because there's a headline about you doesn't necessarily mean you have to go and explain to everyone about your life.

And I think for me, I really wanted to deal with it with peace and deal with it my way. You know, there's an interesting thing about living in the public hige is people have an opinion, and that's okay. I don't mind people saying good and bad things, because you put yourself out into the arena, you're going to get that. But I think for me, as a dad, I wanted to protect my kids. I always want to do that, and I'm very aware any relationship I go

into there will be a conversation around that. And so I think for me, making sure that I had that internal alignment, which I never had my whole life. Finding that and being comfortable with that and finding happiness was a really beautiful thing. And you know, you can love someone and then not be a forever happy ending. I think you learned so much from it. I think any relationship I've ever gone into, I've learned so much from it.

I've learned what's important to me in terms of boundaries in terms of how I want to be loved, how I want to love And that's a beautiful thing because it means you're always growing and evolving.

of alignment. And I think for a long time I didn't have that, and I think finding that within myself has been special. It's about growth. And like I say, as long as I'm growing and evolving, then I'm alive and that feels great.

ever been into, I've gone into with an open heart and I have no regrets about that. I think we shame people too much for leading with an open heart. And I think the sad part about that, especially when it does and work out, And I think the sad part about that is you can learn to retract and protect yourself. But I would rather love and fall than to never feel anything at all. And I think I'd rather experience something and feel alive than to never put

my thought out in the water. And I think as long as you're growing and evolving from it and things don't always go to plan, I think as long as you go through it and go through the process of healing, I think that's really important, then I think you're doing

all you can. I don't know. I feel like I felt like a responsibility to just really look at everything as any situation I've ever been in, I've always tried to look back and reflect of, like, do I feel like I'm happy with where I'm in my life, how it is visually and how I feel internally, And you know, if not being able to sit in that and sit with it and process it and go through it has been a really magical part because it doesn't really matter what anyone else says. I know my truth and I

feel happy. I really value the people that are in my life. I have an amazing family. I've worked really half of my career. I love the people I've supported family, and I'm really grateful for that. Yeah, and ending doesn't mean it didn't mean anything. It just means it ended. You know, as many relationships have been through my life, friendships, relationships, they've ended, and I've tried to learn something each time from that experience.

And I think also coming from a South Asian culture, I've seen the dangers of demonizing divorce yeah, and looking at divorce as a failure or a negative thing, when actually I look at my community and I'm like, I wish this person would get divorced, and this person because you know the truth and when they open up to you, and so it's almost it's interesting. We've made people feel bad for maybe opening their heart, and we also made people feel bad for it.

At any age, it's never too late. So many people think it's too late. They're not twenty. They think they're done. And I think, I don't know. Some things are for a season and some things are forever. Like that's life. Life is life. Love is messy. People are complicated. We all bring our old trauma and baggage into a relationship, whether you're willing to admit it or not. And like

I said, that's just life. It's about alignment. And if something's not aligned, it's okay, whether it's a relationship or a friendship or a marriage or whatever it is in your life. I think so many people get so fearful of not moving on or change. Change is so scary to people. Change, I know, by just people changing their hair, how terrified that be? Well, people are going to recognize me or people are going to I'm like, yeah, that's great, see a new you see, actually you that this is

actually going to be great for you. You have a whole new look. You could have been stuck with that old hairstyle that you showed me a minute ago, a whole life, you know what I mean. You know, it's like if you don't know, you don't know at the time, I bet you thought you were killing that. This is straightened my hair? Why you straight hair? Because someone told me to have beautiful natural texture? Someone bringing you back

to that, like, I don't know. It kind of helps you form who you are, whereas maybe you canform to society because society said you should straighten curly hair. I don't know what the answer. We're all we're all conditioned to that, following the lead and following the pack, and you don't always have to do that. To not do that, you have to have some balls. And like I think part of finding that strength is to be able to

sit with yourself. And I can honestly say any situation now that I'm ever in, I can sit with myself and I can process it. And it's not always easy. In fact, doing the work is brutal. It's never easy. But the last thing I feel like I need to do is tell everyone because it's my journey, it's my story, and you know, when I'm ready, which is why I'm doing the book now you know you can share it.

this thing about you know whatever. I just saw that, and I'm like, guys, like I'm dealing with it, like you know, this is normal in my world now, yeah, but it's not normal for them, and I can find that that's hard sometimes. Was there any was there any of that feeling of that kid looking out the window, like was that any of that coming back through this as well? Or how did you protect your piece at that time?

more so. And I ever have been in my life where I've abandoned myself and it's such an easy thing to do, and I'm just so aware of doing that now. It's like I can't not see it. Once you see yourself, you know how many people look in the mirror. Every day you look in the mirror, maybe I think the

average is twelve times a day. They say on average is an hour a day from brushing your teeth to checking your hair, whatever it is, having your hair, got an hour of your day of looking yourself in the mirror. So many people see a reflection. Not everyone looks at themselves. We just look, but no one actually really looks. And part of my job and my journey has been, I guess, showing people the real mirror so people can really see themselves and be seen, and a lot of people are

not seen. And when you really see people and you break it down to like, why have you always done this? Why have you always repeated this behavior? Why have you always got yourself into the same situation? Why have you got yourself into the same relationship? There's a pattern to it. Once you see the pattern, and once you break it down, you can change it. That's really empowering. I did it with hair for a long time, but I didn't realize I was also doing it in an internal way, and

everyone can relate to that. People saying your hairdress is your therapist. I didn't even know I was doing that. That's a real part of it. The difference is I used to do it with everyone else, and I'd see them, and you know what, I never saw myself. I didn't see myself for twenty seven years of my life. I didn't allow myself to look. It was easier to make up people see themselves and for me to look at myself. When I saw myself, I could not see it anymore.

I could not see who I was and who had become. And that defining moment of my life changed every decision

moving forward. And so if in my bad friendship, if I'm in a bad relationship, if I'm in a bad work environment, I'll leave it if it no longer serves me. And if i feel like I've done everything I can to be the best person I can and no one's perfect. Humans are messy, that's okay. But I've learned to respect myself enough to be able to go back to that little boy at the window and say, it's okay. You don't have to be in that anymore. You don't have

to feel alone. You can be seen. And I'd hope that's what everyone does and maybe finds a bit of that when they read the book. And obviously it's called your Roots Don't Define You. It's about roots and it's a double edged sword, but it is such a powerful thing that if you actually stand and look in the mirror and look at yourself. This book is for anyone

that looks back and it's like is this it? Or anyone who looks in the mirror and is like, I don't really know why I look the way out look, or anyone that does have some success but it's so miserable or somemartimes, just people thinking there must be more

to life. Hopefully this will help people feel like they can change that and they can have their comeback, and they can transform not only the way they look on the visual because everyone knows I do that, but if they can do it internally, I'm telling you now, their life will change. And I hope people can take what I land because I feel like everyone deserves to be free. Yeah, you know, I see people in the supermarket, I see people walking in the street, and I'm like, I wish

you knew what I knew. You know, And I think it's just really special to be able to share that journey.

you know, it's all right. We all have those voices in the head. I hope they're always there. It keeps me alive, it keeps me. I just laugh at myself now. I think I try and treat most things with humor. You know, if I do see a headline about myself, or if I do see someone say something, I'll try and laugh it off because I was, what else are you going to do? You know, It's like I probably couldn't have done that before. If I went back ten years,

I probably couldn't do that. I probably would have gone crazy and been like, oh my god. Now I'm like, it's okay, it's just someone else's opinion. That's all right. You know, I can actually laugh at it, and I'm like, well, you know what, probably do look a bit like I need to lose five pounds or I don't know, I can relate to it. I'll just at least laugh at it. We were talking about red carpet pictures. They can make you crazy, you know, like you you think pretty good

about yourself. Yeah, I'm good. You know, I feel like I look good. You take a picture?

where I'm at now. And I didn't just move on because like it was easy. I moved on because I went through it and it was brutal and it was challenging. But do the work, you know, and it will lead you to a better place.

and seen. Even now, watching you open your heart and share your story to the world, I'm constantly inspired by your vulnerability and courage, and that's rare and a beautiful thing. You've given me so much more than I could ever thankful your love to shake me and your belief in me has carried through. I love you so much and I'm forever proud to be your daughter. Love Kitty. Oh God, I don't know I'm shaking. Oh God, I don't know what to say. Oh that's how you get me with

my kids. I'm just I'm just so grateful that I have them and that they've been a part of this journey. And like I said that, the biggest achievement of my whole life is that they can call me Dad and say it with pride, because it's been so many times I've not I felt proud of myself, and I have not been kind to myself, and I think a lot of people can relate to that abandonment of themselves. And yeah, having them is this is the greatest gift.

this means a lot. Okay, dear Dad, where do I even start. One of my first memories as a kid, is you a dressing up a superman to surprise me on my birthday. I thought I'd just met my hero. I didn't realize it then, but as I grew older, I came to see the real superhero wasn't a costume, it was a man inside. He went from cutting hair and a small local salon to taking a massive leap and moving across the world with nothing, and somehow across

the chaos, you built a life out there. You work with Hollywood stars, become a businessman, appeared on TV, and now we' even written a book. And for all of that, you're still the same guy who makes people laugh and lights up every room, and who does everything he can to make the people around him happy. But what sticks with me the most isn't just what you've accomplished, is what you've taught me. He's shown me how to be confident myself and not to care what other people think.

And you've taught me how to stay motivated to reach for the stars. And most importantly, you've taught me how to be respectful, kind and caring and beyond proud.

And if I can save them, if I can save them having to go through some of the struggles I went through because I didn't allow myself to be then I did okay with that, you know, all right, I'm.

and that's something that we all do. If you're aware of it, you can understand and be more forgiving towards people.

one spoke about their experience. And I think people that speak and share their stories and their journeys, the more we can all learn and accept and grow all said.

their personal journey of transformation and reflection. And make sure that you keep coming back. Make sure you subscribe so that you never miss out on an episode, because it's stories like this that we built this platform for where people can come and talk about the upstairs downs, the real healing and what that actually looks like. And I highly recommend you go and grab a copy of Chris's book, Your Roots Don't Define You. It's available for pre order

right now as we're speaking. Chris, thank you again so much for trusting me, for trusting the platform. Thank you for what you do jes so open and honest.

you could teach people to do so many things. But the fact that you've told them about your truth and how they can find theirs, it's a really beautiful offering in service. So thank you, Chris, thank you, thanks so much. Thank you. Mate. If you love this episode, you will also love my interview with Kendall Jenna on setting boundaries

to increase happiness and healing. You're in a child You could be reading something that someone is saying about you and being like, that is so unfair because that's not who I am and that really gets to me sometimes. But then looking at myself in the mirror and being like, but I know who I am.