Which ON BOYS episodes were the Best of 2022? Some of our favorites! 5. Raising LGBTQ Allies Chris Tompkins, author of Raising LGBTQ Allies: A Parent’s Guide to Changing the Messages from the Playground , recognized the power of unspoken messages when his then 6-year-old nephew asked him — an openly gay man — if the female friend with him was his girlfriend. In that moment, Chris realized that his nephew didn’t know he was gay. In conversations with adult family members the next day, Chris learn...
Dec 22, 2022•46 min
Linda Flanagan says youth sports are out of control. And she should know. Flanagan is a former youth athlete, cross country coach, mother of a young athletes, and the author of Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania are Ruining Kids' Sports - and Why It Matters . “If your goal is to cultivate a well-adjusted, responsible child who contributes to the family, then limiting T-ball, youth soccer & it’s ilk may be wisest," she says in her book. "Western parenting customs that put the child at th...
Dec 15, 2022•43 min
Want to know how to motivate boys? Toss out your outdated beliefs about boys and men, says Maggie Dent, Australia's "boy champion" and author of From Boys to Men: Guiding Our Teen Boys to Grow Into Healthy, Happy Men . "Our boys aren't these tough, unfeeling humans," she says. "They've got incredibly tender hearts, and with appropriate guidance they can grow to shine." Boys Don't Want to Fail Boys don't want to disappoint their parents. Or themselves. They don't want failing grades, lost homewor...
Dec 08, 2022•51 min
Andrew Reiner says it’s essential to spend time nurturing boys’ mental health & resiliency. As a college professor, Reiner sees what happens when boys aren’t taught resiliency and don’t develop the skills they need to support mental wellness. “I started noticing a chasm between the effort that my male students was putting forward and the effort my female students were putting forward,” says Reiner, a professor in the English department at Towson University. The boys in his class were just as...
Dec 01, 2022•44 min
Fostering gratitude in our boys can help them navigate the inevitable ups and downs of life. And despite what you may think, it is possible to foster an attitude of gratitude in apparently self-centered boys. Science has shown a strong link between kids’ developmental stages and gratitude. As children grow, they gradually learn that they are not the center of the universe, and they gradually — very gradually — learn that they must consider others’ feelings, desires, and needs as well. So, older ...
Nov 24, 2022•25 min
Parenting teenage boys is a challenge. And an opportunity. In some ways, says child and adolescent psychologist Lee Bare, parenting a teenage boy is like parenting a newborn. “You have to be prepared for anything and you never know what kind of mood they’re going to wake up in,” says Lee, who is also the mother of three teenage sons. The angst and worry that parents experience during the boys’ teenage years also recalls the frantic worries and sleepless nights of the newborn stage. Just as in pa...
Nov 17, 2022•50 min
Dads matter. Men matter. To become their best, boys need involved dads and male teachers, coaches, & mentors. But when Marion Hill began working in early childhood education in Phoenix, he “noticed there weren’t a lot of fathers around,” he says. Recognizing dads’ importance to kids’ social, emotional, and cognitive development, Marion devoted his effort to engaging dads. He co-founded of M.A.N. C.A.V.E (Men All Need to be Caring Actively-Engaged, and Encouraged), a fatherhood program design...
Nov 17, 2022•48 min
Reading and literacy are important life skills. But many boys struggle with reading and writing -- and resist parents' and teachers' well-intended efforts to help them. Lots of boys are reluctant readers. Many hate writing. Teaching boys to read Middle School literacy instructional coach Todd Feltman says, "reading has to be taught in increments," especially for young boys who typically come into schools with a developmentally appropriate preference for play and movement. Boys, he says, "shouldn...
Nov 03, 2022•42 min
What does Janet's 8-month-old grandson have in common with a bunch of guys throwing darts at each other in a dark basement? A fascination with objects moving through space -- a nearly universal male tendency that Janet is witnessing in real-time as her grandson delights in pushing, pulling, and moving objects that are bigger than he is. You can learn so much about boys by simply observing them. It's not always easy to take (or make) time to do so -- especially when you're in the thick of parenti...
Oct 27, 2022•36 min
Why do boys....? Bringing up boys brings up all kinds of questions! Jen & Janet have answers. Photo by Pixabay Tamara asks: Why do boys communicate through physical touch/aggression and use sarcasm for communication rather than regular conversation? Katrina worries that her son may be alienating himself from his friends -- and missing out on social opportunities -- because he's so dedicated to his sport. She says: I'm afraid he's distancing himself from his friends and will one day find hims...
Oct 20, 2022•45 min
We want to build boys -- AND a just world. It's easy to be overwhelmed by seemingly insurmountable challenges, and tempting to not take action on big societal issues like inequity because, well, what can we do anyway? But while it's true that none of us can individually create the systemic changes that are needed to address thorny social issue, our individual parenting choices have power. Sarah W. Jaffe was working as an attorney for children in foster care in New York City when she became pregn...
Oct 13, 2022•43 min
Holding the calm, says Hesha Abrams, is an essential skill for resolving conflict and diffusing tension. Conflict and tension trigger an individual's amygdala, the "reptilian" part of the brain that initiates the flight-flight-or-freeze response. And when the amygdala is activated, the human body goes into a refractory state for about 20 minutes. Our eyes and ears only take in limited data. Attempting to reason with a person in a refractory state is a waste of time and energy because it's like "...
Oct 06, 2022•44 min
Parenting inevitably includes health challenges. Kids get sick. Parents get sick. And injuries and accidents happen more often than we'd like. Learning how to manage a medical diagnosis -- and navigate the health system -- is a crucial parenting skill. "Boy mom" and COVID, cancer and heart failure survivor Jen Singer has more medical system experience than most parents. She was diagnosed with lymphoma when her boys were eight and ten years old. "I learned, by doing, how to advocate for myself," ...
Sep 29, 2022•44 min
Doing more for boys and men does not require an abandonment of the ideal of gender equality. In fact, it is a natural extension of that. -- Richard V. Reeves Those words are from a new book Of Boys and Men: Why the Modern Male is Struggling, Why it Matters, and What to Do About It, by Richard V. Reeves, a fellow at the Brookings Institute, a public policy think tank based in D.C., and a father of three grown sons. Boys and men (as a group) now fare worse than girls and women (as a group) in scho...
Sep 22, 2022•54 min
Independence is good for kids. Helicopter parenting is bad for kids. But figuring out when to step in or step back...well, that's a challenge! When another boy punched her 11 year old son in the face during hockey practice, writer and "boy mom" Caren Chesler acted immediately. "I had one leg over the half-wall and was stepping onto the players’ bench when the coach looked up and our eyes met," Caren wrote in a Washington Post article. " Mine were still saying, 'Are you kidding me?!' while his we...
Sep 15, 2022•43 min
Middle school boys may seem messy and mysterious, but they're also entertaining, challenging, and inspiring, says Braden Bell. The middle school years are "a wonderful, magical moment," says Bell, an experienced educator, father, and grandfather. "It's important to keep in mind that we are not raising 6th graders, we are not raising 7th graders -- we are raising future adults who currently happen to be in 6th or 7th grade." Keeping that long view in perspective is helpful because if we stop the ...
Sep 08, 2022•48 min
When Michael Gurian published The Wonder of Boys in 1996, there "wasn't any national consciousness about boys' issues," he says. A quarter century later, there are dozens of books about boys, and parents, educators, and politicians alike are realizing that we must address boys' issues if we are to address the current epidemic of violence. Yet despite this progress, "we are still talking about ancillary concepts as to why these boys kill people rather than getting to the root causes of what's goi...
Sep 01, 2022•48 min
Empowering boys to challenge rape culture is one way we can decrease sexual violence, says Gordon Braxton, an anti-violence educator and activist who formerly served as the Director of Men’s Outreach on Sexual Violence Prevention at Harvard University. Currently, most of us "spend little to no time empowering boys to raise their voices against sexual violence,” says Braxton, author of Empowering Black Boys to Challenge Rape Culture. “That leaves them in the hands of a world that minimizes it &am...
Aug 25, 2022•40 min
Deborah Farmer Kris is a child development expert, author, and former educator -- and she still finds raising kids a challenge! "None of us are slot machines," she says. "It's not like you put in this language and out pops a child who says 'yes, mother.'" Parenting, Kris says, is humbling, partly because "there's not one method that works for every child." Every child is different. So is every parent. And yet, helping our children develop their emotional literacy skills is one thing we can do to...
Aug 18, 2022•45 min
Positive parenting is more pleasant - and more effective than control-oriented parenting styles, says Amy McCready. Amy is a recovering yeller, mom of two grown sons, founder of Positive Parenting Solutions, and the author of The Me, Me, Me Epidemic: A Step-by-Step Guide to Raising Capable, Grateful Kids in an Over-Entitled World and If I Have to Tell You One More Time...:The Revolutionary Program that Gets Your Kids to Listen Without Nagging, Reminding, or Yelling. "Nobody wants to yell at thei...
Aug 11, 2022•45 min
Sexual abuse affects boys and men too. 1 in 6 boys will be a victim of sexual abuse before the age of 18. But, in part due to lingering shame and stigmas, many victims don’t disclose the abuse until years later (if at all). They suffer in silence. Court Stroud was one of those boys. He was 6 years old the first time he was sexually assaulted. He was in third-grade the next time he was assaulted. More assaults occurred in his teenage and young adult years. And yet, he told no one. "This is a stor...
Aug 04, 2022•38 min
You might not even realize you have a boy with executive function challenges. Instead, you (or others) might think he's "disorganized," "lazy," "resistant," or "unmotivated." Seth Perler was one of those boys. Now, he's an executive function coach who helps other kids develop the skills they need to thrive. Seth is also the founder of The Online Executive Function Summit (TEFOS). TEFOS 2022 is August 5-7 -- and it's FREE! You can use this link to take advantage of the TEFOS 2022 Early Bird Speci...
Jul 28, 2022•41 min
Stress and trauma can make it difficult for boys to thrive. Counseling, chiropractic care, socio-emotional learning, and other child-focused interventions may help, but only to a certain degree. For real, lasting, sustainable change to occur, adults must manage their own stress. "There's nothing good that's going to come of taking our children to others for help until we have looked at ourselves," says Dr. Sandy Gluckman, a psychologist based in Texas. The first step to helping our boys thrive, ...
Jul 21, 2022•44 min
Kate Mangino is right: “The last thing any working parent needs is to add ‘solve gender inequality’ to their to-do list.” But if we don't think about gender inequality in the home, we might end up unintentionally perpetuating it. After all, for most of our lives, females have been assumed to be the primary and "natural" caretakers of home and family, while males have been primarily expected to earn a living. Those roles are shifting, of course, but facts are facts: women still bear the brunt of ...
Jul 14, 2022•47 min
Highly sensitive people -- boys & parents alike -- are prone to overwhelm. They're also likely to be misunderstood (and, perhaps, misdirected) by parents, teachers, coaches, and others. "I was told my entire life, 'You're too damn sensitive,'" says Alane Freund, a licensed psychotherapist, highly sensitive person (HSP), & parent a of highly sensitive son. Alane describes 4 characteristics of highly sensitive people, which can be remembered using the acronym "DOES": Deep processing Over-a...
Jul 07, 2022•44 min
Puberty happens to every body - and boys need to know how puberty affects bodies and brains. You-ology: A Puberty Guide for EVERY Body, by Dr. Trish Hutchison, Dr. Kathryn Lowe, & Dr. Melissa Homes, addresses puberty in a holistic, inclusive manner. That's important because "all kids need this information," Dr. Hutchison says. "All kids need to know what all kids go through. It makes them more supportive and empathetic of each other." Boys need to understand female puberty, and all kids toda...
Jun 30, 2022•38 min
"Boy mom" Claire Zulkey is the only female in her family. (Yes, the family dogs are male too.) She's also a self-described "evil witch" & creator of Evil Witches newsletter, a fantastic community and newsletter for people who happen to be mothers and know that you can love and loathe your kids at the same time. Claire's son are now 7 and nearly 10, and she's learned to let them handle their own disagreements, for the most part. (After teaching them ways to compromise and manage conflict) "I ...
Jun 23, 2022•45 min
Father's Day here in America was first celebrated on June 19, 1910. It wasn’t declared an official holiday until 1972—58 years AFTER Mother's Day was made official. Dads have long been assumed to be secondary parents, at best. But popular and persistent stereotypes of fatherhood -- though perhaps grounded in some truth -- don't accurately depict many fathers. How stereotypes hold back dads These stereotypes, though, affect boys and men. They can feed a mistrust of men and fathers that affects po...
Jun 16, 2022•51 min
Michael Ian Black shares some important and (mostly serious) thoughts about how to be a better man with his son -- and all of us -- in his book, A Better Man: A (Mostly Serious) Letter to My Son. The question of raising good men seems all too significant as the United States (again) wrestles with the fact that nearly all mass shooters are male. But there is hope. "Boys, in general, for all of our problems -- and we have them, & they are not insignificant -- are okay," Black says, "Boys, like...
Jun 09, 2022•35 min
Britt Hawthorne, a mom of 2 boys and author Raising Antiracist Children: A Practical Parenting Guide, says that raising antiracist kids requires teaching them to identify unfairness. It includes incorporating an anti-bias lens when doing, well, almost anything. Britt's oldest son was about 12 years old when his homework required him to imagine he was a colonist in Jamestown or Plymouth and write a letter to relatives back home in England. The boy completed the work as assigned, but his mom took ...
Jun 02, 2022•54 min
