How do we help boys listen & learn? Image by Andrew Steele via Flickr In month whatever of the pandemic, we're all grappling with a lot of tough questions, including what to do about school and injustice and inequality. We can't give you any easy answers regarding schooling during the cornonavirus pandemic or the fight for equality and justice. There aren't any easy answers to those complex situations. However, we CAN equip you with some information and strategies that will help boys listen ...
Sep 03, 2020•37 min
We all want to raise good men. But how? It's one thing to WANT To raise good men, and another to figure out what that means on a daily basis. Exactly HOW do we raise good men? Aaron Gouveia is the author of Raising Boys to be Good Men: A Parent's Guide to Bringing Up Happy Sons in a World Filled with Toxic Masculinity. He's also the founder of the Daddy Files and dad to 3 boys, currently ages 12, 7 and 4. "When I first heard the term 'toxic masculinity,' I did what most men do: I rolled my eyes ...
Aug 27, 2020•39 min
Sassy Harvey believes "my boy can." The mother of a young son who loves dance, Barbie and princesses. Sassy started a social movement after her then 4-year-old son quit dance because he'd been told that only girls and gay people dance. Now, My Boy Can is supporting boys and their parents as they challenge gender stereotypes that so often hold boys back. "I didn't want my son to feel he couldn't do something because he was a boy, because society deems certain activities 'for girls," Sassy says. S...
Aug 20, 2020•43 min
Can a book club help boys enjoy reading? Yes, says Erin O'Donnell, a mom of two boys and author of How to Start a Kids Book Club. She and a bunch of other moms started a mother/son book club when their sons were in 3rd grade, on the cusp of the transition from learning to read to reading to learn. Some of the boys were already avid readers. Others were not. "We were really hoping that peer pressure would be a powerful force in getting them to collectively enjoy books," Erin says. Of course, the ...
Aug 13, 2020•39 min
Back to School 2020 will go down in the annals of history. Image via PixaBay The United States (and world) is still wrestling with the coronavirus pandemic. Schools are slated to "open" -- whether virtually or literally or some combination thereof -- in a few weeks. Some, in fact, have already opened. There's so much we don't yet know about this school year -- if in-person school will be possible, feasible or safe; if students' mental health will suffer more if schools open or close; if schools ...
Aug 06, 2020•38 min
Parenting teenage boys is HARD. Their brains aren't yet fully mature yet they're bigger and stronger than most parents. They have more energy than their parents -- and when they are bound and determined to do what they want to do (regardless of what you or anyone else says), the energy can seem more like a curse than a blessing. Joshua Wayne is a parenting coach, speaker and dad-to-a-son. He's also a formerly troubled teenage boy. Joshua knows what's going through many boys' heads -- and he know...
Jul 30, 2020•47 min
Almost 1/3 of boys are trying to gain weight or bulk up. For years, body image concerns were thought to be a female issue. But superhero costumes for toddler boys now come equipped with built-in muscles, and popular teen shows such as Outer Banks cast 20-something actors with chiseled faces and abs as 16-year-olds, creating unrealistic expectations for teenage boys (and girls). This is NOT a 16 year old. This is Chase Stokes, age 27, as John B, 16 yr old lead character in Outer Banks. Perhaps it...
Jul 23, 2020•38 min
Supporting boys' interests is essential, especially in a world that so often tells them their interests are unwelcome. Wanna wrestle? Don't; you might hurt someone. Wanna dance? Don't; that's for girls. Restrained by stereotypes, gender expectations and parents and teachers who prefer boys who sit down and take direction without comment or complaint, too may boys give up their interests. They disengage from school and life and disappear into their rooms and online spaces. It's easier, for many b...
Jul 16, 2020•38 min
He couldn’t sleep. Mike’s face stung from the gash and the stitches and a pulsing ache radiated from the back of his skull. His knuckles were shredded, and his arm throbbed under the thick bandages. Whether he closed or opened his eyes -- even his EYES hurt -- the images were there. Like grainy documentary footage. Some of it in motion, some of it still... That’s the start of chapter 2 of Wilderness Therapy, a new book by Paul Cumbo,a long-time teacher and coach. We don’t ordinarily talk about f...
Jul 09, 2020•42 min
Summer slide (noun): The loss of academic skills and knowledge over the course of summer vacation Photo by bcrumpler via Flicker Parents (& educators) have long worried about the things kids "forget" over the summer. This year, on the tail of a pandemic-interrupted school year that launched valiant attempts at unplanned remote learning, parents (& educators) are more concerned than ever before. According to a recent New York Times article, 3/4 of parents of children under 12 and 64% of p...
Jul 02, 2020•33 min
Roughhousing can teach boys about healthy touch. Photo by SnarkleMotion via Flickr Society teaches boys that there are two kinds of "acceptable" touch for males: sex, and aggression. No wonder so many boys and men turn to sex and aggression to meet their very human need for touch! Physical play -- including play wrestling, "chase" games and roughhousing -- give boys multiple opportunities to experience healthy touch while learning about boundaries and consent. "Roughhousing is really more like d...
Jun 25, 2020•15 min
Dads are so important! We can't talk about raising boys without also talking about the men who help create and parent them. Dad were boys long before they were fathers, and they understand boyhood and the path to manhood in a way we never will. So, this Father's Day, we turned the mic over to 5 dads: Doc, a Wisconsin-based father of 3 Doc & his 3 kids Doc's advice for moms of boys: "It's going to be OK. It takes boys a long time to fully develop." Luis, a NY-based dad of 2 boys.... Louis, da...
Jun 17, 2020•31 min
At least 1 in 5 people are differently wired, says Debbie Reber, founder of TiLT Parenting. Differently wired kids are neurologically atypical. They perceive the world differently than their peers and express themselves differently as well. These differences can be subtle or glaring, and as a parent or teacher, it can be hard to know how to respond to these quirks. Debbie and her husband noticed their son Asher's differences early on. He was "more intense, more precocious, more challenging" than...
Jun 11, 2020•40 min
Black boys matter. Such a simple statement. And yet... George Floyd is dead. His name joins the long list of others (Trayvon Martin, Philando Castile, Tamir Rice, Michael Brown, etc., etc., etc...) whose lives have been cut short by racism, bias and brutality. Photo via Pixabay We here at ON BOYS are NOT OK with the status quo. We are committed to equity and opportunity, to listening and learning. We will not be silent. This week -- and as often as possible -- we are amplifying black voices. Tod...
Jun 04, 2020•54 min
Photo by Lee Carson via Flickr 1 in 5 boys experience sexual abuse before their 18th birthday. More than one-quarter of male victims of a completed rape (27.8%) experienced their first rape when they were 10 years of age or younger. And 43% of men report experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime. Today's guest, psychologist Lawrence Cohen, founded one of the first therapy groups for male survivors of sexual abuse. As recently as the 1980s and '90s, there was li...
May 28, 2020•30 min
Chores, Victoria Prooday says, are the most efficient way to build our boys' emotional muscle. Prooday, a psychotherapist, occupational therapist and speaker, is convinced that self-regulation is the key to success -- and science backs up her assertion. As early as 1998, psychologists were publishing papers and chapters stating that, "Self-regulation has major, important implications for success in life...People who are good at self-regulation show a multitude of advantages over other people, in...
May 21, 2020•40 min
There are 10 million single moms in the United States. Many are raising boys. And despite the naysayers, many are doing a great job! Is single parenting difficult, especially during a pandemic? Absolutely. But single moms have more power and potential than they realize, says Emma Johnson, aka Wealthy Single Mommy. Johnson, a single mom of two (a boy and a girl), is the author of The Kickass Single Mom: Be Financially Independent, Discover Your Sexiest Self and Raise Fabulous, Healthy Children. S...
May 14, 2020•39 min
Is mom in control at your house? We don't mean "in control" in the dictator sense, or in the mom-is-storming-around-the-house-yelling-at-everyone way. We don't even mean "in control" to mean "your house is neat and orderly and your children do exactly as you say." We mean in control of YOURSELF. After all, the only thing you can really control are your thoughts and actions. "The first thing I always say is, if you want to feel in control in your life, you have to give up control," says Heather C...
May 07, 2020•47 min
A generation ago, few people thought much about understanding gender. Then, gender seemed simple and straightforward: boy or girl, male or female. Things are different today. Merriam-Webster declared they the 2019 word of the year, and there's increasing recognition of the fact that gender is not strictly binary. What does this have to do with boys? Well, our boys are living in a time when it's okay to openly discuss and think about gender. Many of our boys have peers who self-identify as gender...
Apr 30, 2020•41 min
The phrase "adult children" is an oxymoron: the words adult and children clearly describe very different things, and it's impossible to be an adult and a child at the same time. Except it's not. Most of us are adult children; Jen is 47 and a bona fide adult, but she's also still the child of Al & Pat Wondra. She's also the parent of at least one adult child, a 22 year old who's been living independently for 4 years. Of course, the parent/child relationship changes as children grow into adult...
Apr 23, 2020•28 min
Photo by Nik Anderson via Flickr COVID-19 (the disease caused by the novel coronavirus) has changed everything. Our daily lives now look nothing like we imagined at the beginning of the year. We're hunkered down in our homes, and wondering how to get toilet paper and flour -- basics we once took for granted. Some of us are working from home and trying to figure out how the $*#( to juggle full-time work with with full-time family. Others have to go to work in spite of the virus, often fearing for...
Apr 16, 2020•31 min
Wouldn't it be great if boys came with a magic decoder ring to help you decode their mysteries and moods? Dr. Cara Natterson's book, Decoding Boys: New Science Behind the Subtle Art of Raising Sons, is the next best thing. If you have boys, you'll want to add this one to your bookshelf (or check it out from your library) right now -- and you'll definitely want to read it before your son hits puberty. Which may come a lot sooner than you expected. According to Dr. Natterson -- a pediatrician, mom...
Apr 09, 2020•44 min
Managing emotions -- our boys, & our own -- is challenging in the best of times. This, most definitely is not the best of times. We're cooped up in our houses with kids who miss their friends and activities. With boys who no longer have soccer or baseball practice to help them burn off some energy. In the midst of a global pandemic that's upended all of our routines. While we ourselves are experiencing great emotional turmoil. We can't just simply brush our emotions to the side, or expect ou...
Apr 02, 2020•36 min
Kara Kinney Cartwright has a message for teenage boys & young men: just don't be an asshole. The mom of two grown sons, Kara began writing Just Don't Be an Asshole: A Surprisingly Necessary Guide to Being a Good Guy as her sons were preparing to head out into the world. The project was inspired, in part, by her anxiety (have I taught them everything they need to know?) and, in part, by cultural changes. Thanks to the #MeToo movement and a slew of highly publicized stories of powerful men beh...
Mar 26, 2020•33 min
Photo by Valerie Everett via Flickr Raising boys brings up all kinds of questions. No matter how long you've been parenting, educating or working with boys, you're bound to stumble into a situation that you don't quite know how to handle -- on a weekly basis. At least. In this listener Q & A, we tackle some evergreen questions. Jen also tells you about a time she lied to her parents. :) Matt asks: How do you help boys find their own, positive path in an increasingly girl-dominated environmen...
Mar 19, 2020•38 min
How are you coping with coronavirus? Our lives have undergone some pretty massive disruptions over the past few weeks, and it looks like more changes may be on the horizon. We'll all learning new ways of connecting and communicating -- and we're all a bit scared and overwhelmed. That's why we recorded & released this special bonus episode. It's packed full of practical advice and inspiration. Links we mentioned (or should have) in this episode: ZOOM Video Conferencing - We use ZOOM to record...
Mar 17, 2020•27 min
Two years. More than 100 episodes covering important topics such as boys & sex, masculinity, ADHD, mental health, honesty & so much more. But on our SECOND anniversary, we're most grateful for the relationships we've created. We're no longer simply co-hosts or colleagues; we're friends. We enjoy talking to one another as much as (we hope) you enjoy listening to us. We're also grateful for the professional connections we've made as a result of this podcast. This year alone, we spoke with ...
Mar 12, 2020•33 min
Do you know what the term "2e" means? Photo by Jesper Sehested Pluslexia via Flickr 2e is short for "twice exceptional," a term used to refer to people who are both highly gifted and learning disabled. As you might imagine, meeting the social, emotional and educational needs of a 2e child is quite a challenge. Ramsey Hootman is an author and mom of two, including a 10 year old boy who prefers to be called B-Bot, his gaming handle. B-Bot is twice exceptional -- super intellectually gifted yet slo...
Mar 05, 2020•38 min
Baby boys' testosterone levels are nearly the same as teenage boys'. But for the first few weeks after conception, well, there's no discernible difference between a male embryo and a female embryo. The testosterone surge that occurs in the 2nd and 3rd trimesters of pregnancy is responsible for the cascade of developmental changes that what differentiates a boy baby from a girl baby, and from then on, "testosterone drive the bus," Janet says. Photo by roxie_jc via Flickr Understanding male develo...
Feb 27, 2020•34 min
Talking about boys and sex can be uncomfortable. But if want our boys (and girls and non-binary children) to have healthy, safe, fulfilling sexual relationships, it's essential. And there's the hitch, right? A lot of us don't even want to think about our children having sexual relationships -- and when we do talk to our kids about sex, it's typically because we don't want them to become pregnant, we don't want them to get a disease, and we don't them to be hurt or arrested. Rarely is our focus o...
Feb 13, 2020•40 min
