#181: The Demonisation of Avoidant Attachment (& Why It Has to Stop)
Episode description
In today’s episode, I’m diving into a topic that’s both close to my heart and foundational to how I approach this work: the widespread demonisation of avoidant attachment — and why we need to stop doing it.
It’s all too common, especially in online spaces, for people (often those with anxious attachment) to project blame, anger, and sweeping judgments onto those with avoidant attachment styles. But while that instinct may feel validating in the short term, it actually keeps us stuck.
This episode is a call for compassion and nuance — not just for others, but for ourselves.
Whether you’ve been hurt by someone with avoidant tendencies in the past or are currently struggling with anxious-avoidant dynamics, this conversation will invite you to take a broader, more honest look at the patterns playing out in your relationships and what healing really requires.
In this episode, I cover:
- Why avoidant attachment is so often misunderstood and unfairly vilified
- How our instinct to blame keeps us stuck in insecure patterns
- The deeper origins of avoidant attachment — and how understanding this helps build compassion
- Why anger, blame, and black-and-white thinking won’t help you heal
- The role of boundaries, discernment, and self-responsibility in moving forward
If you're committed to growing into a more secure, grounded version of yourself, this episode is an invitation to pause and reflect on the narratives you’re holding — about others, and about yourself.
Highlighted Links
- FREE TRAINING: How to Heal Anxious Attachment and (Finally) Feel Secure in Life & Love
- Download the FREE Anxious Attachment Starter Kit here
- September 2025 London Event Waitlist
Additional Resources