Desairology (MORTUARY MAKE-UP) with Monica Torres

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Oh hello, it's the Kleenex that you forgot to take out of your pocket before you ran it through the washer and dryer and made four thousand baby clean axes. Alli ward back with the final episode of this year's spook Tumber series, and true to my promise, they are getting a little closer to the heart and the dead the closer we approach Halloween. And in hindsight, I don't know if that was a good idea for twenty twenty, since Halloween is just going to go butt to butt

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Thank you, huh legend, So Noela dubbed her work deserology because it was a portmanteau, kind of a franken word of deceased and hair, so deserology, but it tends to capture kind of all the glam given to folks before a viewing. And I first heard of this ology probably two three years ago actually from Megan Rosenbloom, the anthropodermic biocodocologist from last week's episode. And this ologist holds many titles.

Yeah.

My name is Monticatoris and I'm a licensed embomber, licensed funeral director, post mortem reconstructive specialists, and deserologist.

I know that's really long, but that's great. I've been doing this a lot.

And the pronouns you use with she my scholarship actually that I founded is helps women and transgender individuals gain technical skills in funeral service and embalming and management skills. So that's something that's important to me to learn how that community is what they're expecting from like the older, like more like experienced generations too.

And you mentioned you were a deserologist. Yeah, is that a word that gets used to let I know, it was invented in the eighties, right.

Yeah, that's right, that's right. It's not used a lot.

If you're like a regular just lay person that has no you know, experience in funeral service or embalming.

It's not hurt a lot.

So don't feel bad because those funeral directors and bombers have not heard of it either.

Which came first? Were you more interested in makeup or were you more interested in funeral services.

Yeah, I think those are really good questions because it seems like I get a lot of people asking me these questions on my social media and even in my email inbox.

It's like, how did you get involved in this?

So my background is unique in the sense that I was actually licensed cosmetologist before I became a licensed mortician, So I had a background already when I went into mortuary science in mortuary college, in cosmetology, so the love.

Of makeup came first here. But in a pretty gender conforming society, it's more common for ladies to be hands on with contouring than corpses.

Back then, I did know that deserrology existed because I had researched it before I went into mortuary college. But I also found out that it was just not very common like there because because the industry is so largely populated by men, it is a male dominated field. It kind of was just not something that was important to the professionals that were.

Running the industry.

But things are changing, you know, there's more women now. Most of our mortuary college class. At the college itself, as far as the students, the women outnumber the men now, so I think that deserology there's going to be exploration in that area as far as post mortem rejuvenation and treatments on the body. Now that there's more women, I think that that's something that we're going to bring to the table that's never been done before.

It comes to makeup. Is there something about the artistry of it that you loved? Were you like a really artistic kid? Were you always painting or drawing or what do you love about that?

Yeah, it's funny you asked that, because I was.

I started drawing skulls from the time that I was very little, So back then, you know, my parents were mortified that I was drawing.

Skulls and dead things.

They did not understand or like that, and I, honestly, I didn't even understand it. I just it was just very natural to me. So yes, I was. I've been an artist, like since I could remember. I've always loved to draw and paint and sculpt and used charcoal and I was really involved in art when I was in high school. I you know, did all the banners for the football team to run through and all that.

So yeah, And.

How do you feel in general about holidays when the rest of society sort of dips into behind that curtain into spookiness. Like I grew up like goth, and so whenever I saw everyone being goth for like the week of Halloween, was like, come on, we're out here every week. But how is it someone who works in funeral services and mortuary science? Is that a holiday that you're so over or not?

It's really it's so funny that you asked that, because like, growing up, I was always like I was kind of a goth chick too, but that was like that was just how I always was, Like I was always like that when I was from the time that I was very little, I just found beauty in the darker things in life. Halloween was like my favorite holiday for many many years, and as I've gotten older, not just Halloween,

Have holidays off typically, so.

It's hard for me to like embrace the spooky vibes and stuff because it's my life. And I also I'm so busy serving families and other funeral directors.

But I mean, I try.

Because I know people expect me to like they expect they're like, oh my gosh, you're like the death Queen, like you should be have like the spookiest house.

Every day is Halloween. Halloween in my world. They like that ministry song.

Right, yeah, exactly, Yeah, think about yeah. So, and what was it like for you to make that transition from the cosmetology side of it into mortuary services? What door opened to let you combine it to.

Yeah, So it's really hard as a woman in this industry. It's really hard to make headway because it is, like I said, it is still predominantly run by men. All the leadership positions, the decision makers are still men. So you know, I really had to go above and beyond what my skill level was, and that if you look deep into my background, you'll find that I have a very deeply rooted background in technical skills.

Okay, what does it take to be a Monica Taurus? A lot of school and passion. So she first got her bachelor's in recreation and event management because funerals they are kind of parties after all, And she's been a licensed cosmetologist for twenty years and will still an embalming intern. She completed a deserology course named Airbrush Artistry for cosmetic use in the prep room and restorative art. She's also trained in post mortem reconstructive DEMI surgery from the Fountain

I wanted to make sure that the men that I was working alongside understood that my technical skills were on point and that they know if they had a question for me, I had an answer, because I found that that was a stumbling block for a lot of men in our industry when it came to cosmetology and makeup.

That you can go to.

There's less than sixty individuals worldwide that have completed the entire program.

Oh my god.

So yeah, so that's something I'm very proud of.

I'm one of the very few women that has completed that program. When I completed that was when I was really I gained respect in my industry and my community. And at that point, that's when people started listening to me and saying, Okay, maybe she has something to say and there is value in what she's talking about and now teaching because I teach it as well.

Should you choose, you too can sign up for her easily accessible online courses such as Everything you ever wanted to know about embalming but we're afraid to ask, Midnight Madness and prep Room Tour, Progressive Deserology for the modern embalmer, and the toughest subjects like embalming the infant death. Which next time you're having a challenging day at work, just

It is what happens when, what happens, right, happens, what.

Happens after Monica gets the call? Yeah, absolutely, And I think it's not just some people.

I would say like ninety nine point ninety nine percent of people do not understand what I do for a living. So they know that I work around dead bodies, but they don't really understand the process. So embalming is comprised of three basic steps. The first part is disinfection of the body, which is very relevant in our world right now with the pandemic.

That's the first step.

The second step is preservation of the tissues and the body itself. And the third step is restoration, which is the makeup part, that is the cosmetology part.

So there's three steps. Yeah, very simply put.

And those post mortem rituals and procedures have been happening for thousands of years, including mummification and other ways of preserving bodies, but injecting the arteries started in about the thirteen hundreds, but it really gained popularity in the US during the Civil War when fallen Union soldiers needed to be preserved for shipment home to be seen and then buried by their families. But back then, though they used arsenic,

The actual embalming process itself is you know, bathing.

That's the disinfection process.

We bathe the body, We disinfect the body with the appropriate disinfectants that we use to clear off all of the bacteria, the microbes, anything that's going to harm the enbomber or the family. We get rid of all that stuff that goes down the drain, and then we move forward into the preservation portion, which is where we actually are. We're trying to remove the bacteria rich blood from the body and replace it with a disinfected based preservative.

And then I see the disinfectant where knocks it out in a minute one minute, And is there a way we can do something like that by injection inside.

Or or it's not bleach though or our snack anymore. So what is the disinfection based magic potion?

Which is formaldehyde? That's the most I guess.

I would say the chemical that we have found so far that.

Works the best for that process.

So if we can get the blood out and replace it with that chemical formaldehyde, then the body is preserved and able to it basically buys us time right between the decomposition process and going back to dust.

So that's the process.

The blood goes down the drain, All of the fluids that come out of the body.

Go down the drain.

A lot of people are really surprised to hear that, but that's that's what happens. So they're worried about contaminants, right, like, oh my god, all this stuff's going down the drain. And the one thing I want to say to all those people is they remember that we're working with disinfectants. Okay, so yes, it's going down the drain, but it's also it's disinfecting as it's going in the drain.

Yeah.

So you know, formaldehyde, once it comes in contact with protein, which is blood, and you know, everything that our body produces, it's returning to its organic state. So as far as like fear of contaminants and contaminating our soils and our water supply and all that.

That's false. So that's a misconception that a lot of people have.

Okay, quick aside, what else is in ebalmbing fluid. Well, it's a cocktail, if you will, of formaldehyde, methanol, ethanol, and other solvents and wedding agents. And in the prep room it's stored in something that looks kind of like if you had a frozen margarita machine, and each human person needs about two to three gallons of it flushed into and filling up their blood tunnels. But let's chat about formaldehyde. It's a naturally occurring compound. It's c H

And then finally the third part, the restoration part, the makeup part, that's the beautification and rejuvenation portion.

That that's the part that the family gets to see at the.

End, notice the lifelike.

Pigmentation and not to bash in you guys, So I don't want to do that. I learned from mostly men, but I feel like women have a lot to bring.

We have a lot to bring to the table in that portion because.

We are typically as far as gender roles have concerned for all this time, you know, we've been kind of pushed into that like, oh, you need to wear makeup, and you all of the marketing is like, oh, buy makeup and wear makeup and do your nails and do your hair, so you know, we already have this preconceived notion of what beauty looks like.

Yeah, right, and it's a little different for I think men and women.

So this whole time in a male dominated field, is there like Harold sixty five year old and balmer doing makeup on you know, like a nineteen year old deceased patient.

Absolutely, that's that's the standard right now.

That's so weird. Yeah, and I'm sorry for this frank reaction, but I'm just saying, imagine a nineteen year old chick walking into Sephora and getting a makeover by someone who doesn't really like or wear makeup themselves. It's maybe a little weird, but it would be super weird if you looked around and everyone who worked at Sephora was also like that guy. You might be like, what's keeping ladies

It is it is?

And I think that's honestly, And like I said, I don't want to bash any.

Men or any of the people that have come before me.

But I feel like that's why cremation has gotten this huge rise and aquamation is like this big thing right now because people got sick of like they got sick of that, you know, they got sick of people that weren't They're paying all.

This money for the service and the skill set wasn't there.

Yeah, and a lot of the families were like, I can do a better job on my mom's makeup. So, like I said, I don't want to disparage anyone's skill set or you know, their their background or their history or whatever. But I think you know, things are changing, and you know, like anything else, any kind of consumer product or service out there, like you.

Need to know who to go to.

Yeah, you need to know who to.

Call, like you have you know what hairstylist you want to go to, you know where you go to get your nails done, and when someone passes, like that's part of it. You know, you need to know who to go to, what's their skill set, what do they specialize in, who's the person in the back room right right?

And do you feel like in the work that you're doing, do you feel like you're serving the family and the friends and the loved ones of the person who's passed, or do you feel like you're doing it for the person on the table.

That's a really great question and I'm so glad that you asked that. For me personally, I feel like I am doing my work for the family and the friends and the loved ones and the people that need that opportunity to say goodbye. The person on the table is it's not necessarily for them, right Basically, what I'm trying to do is to preserve their dignity and that may have been lost through cancer or a traumatic car accident,

So that's how I separate that.

You know, you have to separate your emotion when you're when you're working, especially on a traumatic case or a baby.

Oh I bet what types When you say a difficult case or traumatic case, what kind of cases come to you or what's been a challenge that you really weren't sure you could get through that you ended up really serving a family.

Well for well, there's so many I mean, there's just so many ways that people die.

Right.

Cancer can be traumatic for people. It can be a traumatic process. But also a suicide, gunshot, wounds, hangings, overdoses, you know, that's a really a difficult process.

It ravages the body.

But then there's also infants and bodies that are decomposed.

They're found, you know.

So there's there's a lot of different types of scenarios and we deal with as in bombers, we deal with the worst or.

The worst, right, So you don't get to pick and.

Choose and say, well, I'm only gonna work on little old ladies that died of natural causes.

Yeah, you know, I'm from a Catholic family and so we for some reason, Catholics love an open casket. Have there ever been cases where the family has wanted to say goodbye visually? And it's it's something that maybe you wouldn't advise.

I personally recommend.

I always recommend for families to view their loved one, even if the trauma is severe and it might not necessarily be for you know, two hundred.

People, but for those people that were closest to that person.

A lot of times those cases, in particular, where there is of your trauma are the ones where the families need.

To say goodbye. They need to be able to accept what.

Has happened, because a lot of times it's a shock. You know, they go to work in the morning and they don't come home. I see death differently in that way where I think, especially here in America, we're so focused on looks, right, it's.

All about the way you look.

Yeah, And we're so focused on that, it's hard for people to understand that it's not about that.

When you have that one last opportunity to say.

Goodbye, like that's it, that's all you have, that one last opportunity. For example, if you knew that you're never going to get to see your mom again, she was like, oh no, you can't come over because my hair is a mess and my house is trashed and whatever. Like, can we know it's not about that, It's like, this is your last chance. For most people, I think they don't care. They just want to be able to say goodbye. They're like, you know what, I don't care what she looks like.

Or whatever.

I just want to be able to put my hand on her hand and say goodbye, say what I need to say.

Right.

So, I'm a big advocate for viewing before cremation or burial or whatever it is. I think it's extremely important for the grief process and that journey.

And I figured there must be folks out there grieving. It's been a tough year and we all will grieve at some point. So I looked up some coping advice from the American Psychological Association and they cited some research that most people can recover from loss on their own through the passage of time if they have social support and healthy habits. But also they stress that there's no normal time period for someone to grieve. It's really individual.

Absolutely so.

And you know this has been something that hasn't it's so new and people don't understand it. So you have to remember go back to what I was talking about in those three steps to the embalming process. The first and most important step is disinfection. So by disinfecting the body, we're completely eradicating any of that.

Virus that's intact or active or whatever.

Right, So it's actually more dangerous to have unembombed bodies laying around than embalmed bodies when it comes to COVID. In my personal opinion, the families can absolutely see their loved one who has been embalmed. Absolutely now touching and kissing and all that. I wouldn't recommend, just like now you wear a mask and all that.

But for families your.

Loved one dies of COVID, absolutely you can see your loved one, and I would recommend embalming for those cases. Specifically, if you have a loved one that has died of COVID, embalming, I would say, yes, please do that, because if, like I said, if you're going to let that infection fester and whatever, there's more of a chance there may be spread or the people that are working on the body may be affected, the embalmbers themselves, the fun directors, the transporters.

Be honest, And you've never caught anything from I haven't.

But I also I'm an advocate for using personal protection equipment, and I'm one of the few embombers I think that's really public that has been using a full face respirator for years.

I've been using one for years, and I teach that in my embombing classes for my students as well.

Monica, for a visual, has high cheekbones and eyebrows arched kind of like a fifties pin up. One side of her black hair is shaved at the temple, and she's usually working in hot pink scrubs or a lab code with her skull and crossbones company logo embroidered in fusia, and her smile is under there, but it's obscured by the full face respirator. She usually wears a clear face shield as well. But she's more stylish draining fluids than I am. Right now, as I'm recording this, I.

Promise I wear shrubs, and I wear appropriate attire and the gowns and gloves and all that, so I feel very prepared to deal with any of the infectious and blood worm pathogens.

Has your work changed the way that you look at your own life or living in the moment or brutality or post mortem plans.

Oh yeah, totally absolutely, Oh for sure. Like I try as to whole grudges so much anymore. It's I Yeah, I try to live for today. Honestly, I really do, like I say I love you to pretty much everyone, because you know, I never want to, like have that be the last call.

And I didn't say I love you to like my friends and the people that I really do care about, you know.

And I try not to get too wrapped up in the things that really in the big picture that aren't important.

Yeah, you know.

So Yeah, I'm also not as that's the word.

I think people get wrapped up with like material things and buying this and buying that, And I think I value like my friendships and my family a lot more than that kind of stuff.

Yeah, the old you can't take it with you time of a week?

Yeah, absolutely absolutely, Can I ask you listener questions?

Oh yeah, let's do it, Okay.

The first a little break to hear about sponsors of the show giving you some deals which lets us donate to a charity of the ologists choosing. And this week easy Peasy Monica Uptop mentioned her scholarship fund which is called High Precious, which she established to help break down social, racial and political barriers and offer female and transgender individuals the opportunity to gain advanced technical training in management skills

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Okay, now on to your dark and sunny and carry questions. Yeah, I let them know you're coming on the show.

Oh great.

So they submitted like hundreds of questions and I've boiled them down to the awesome. So Melanie Baker, Jessica Morgan, Emily Tudorace, Amy Meager, Grace Robichet, Lynn and Dori Jennifer Lowe, a lot of them all had questions about the type of makeup that you use. And they want to know if you use your own makeup or if you use makeup that belonged to the deceased. Are there different like specific brands if you're working with a corpse, So yeah, what do you use? What's in your kit?

Yeah?

Okay, So everybody wants to know this, So every case is different for those that are listening, every case is different. And I do always ask for the family to bring that person's makeup in because that is super helpful. Like, you know, if you're a woman that wears makeup, you know it's like that a lot of a lot of women's lifeline right, So yes, absolutely, I ask for people to bring in the person's makeup. However, dead bodies that we use makeup that is non thermogenic, and that's what

Really have the same reaction.

So what I try to do is I use my non thermogenic makeups. Right now, I've started to use a product by Lola seven. So lady, she's a funeral director and a bomber. She's created her own makeup line and.

It's absolutely fabulous. I've never used it.

I'm not just plugging her like I've never used a makeup like that, because it actually smells really, really beautiful.

She's done a really nice job.

So I do use Lola seven for some very difficult coverage issues when there's bruising or post mortem staining.

Post mortem staining, I just looked it up. AKA liver mortis or blue death is when blood pools in parts of the body and leaves a dark modeled purple splash under the skin. Why to kind of make sure that clients on her table get the good stuff to cover it up because drugstores at concealer get out of here, you're not going to do the job.

And then I also use my traditional mortuary pigments that our old school chemical companies make. Dodge Company is known for their cosmetics line, and I use theirs quite.

A bit as a base.

And I also use a product called Necrometics and PMRC, so those are kind of like special effects makeup to cover any kind of major like camouflage. I also use an airbrush when it's needed, and the airbrush I don't use for like bridle makeup, I use that for like really severe cases, traumatic cases where I need a good coverage. So what I try to do is I use my mortuary makeup to create a foundation for a lifelike appearance.

Oh do you ever have to ask the family like of these lips, how do you know if someone would want a bold lip for the goodbye or like a peachy nude exactly.

So what I try to do is when I when I sit down with the family, I ask them for pictures, and I say, find a picture that you really like your mom's, your sisters, your brother, whoever, how you really like their makeup, and you bring me that picture and I'm going to try and recreate that. So if you want your mom's hurt to look this certain way but her makeup to look another way, then I need two different.

Pictures, right So, and families are pretty good about it.

They usually bring in one picture and they're like, you know, this was like my brother's wedding or something, and my mom absolutely loved the way that the makeup artists did her makeup. Or this is how my mom always wore her makeup.

Can you do it like this? And that's what I try to accomplish.

Kyla Kelly and Naomi Tassane both wanted to know if family members ever request to do their makeup, and that's something that even even happens.

Yeah, so there are a lot of family members that do want to participate.

And I actually teach a class. It's called the.

Family assisted dress experience, and I teach other funeral directors how to engage families so that the family can be a part of that process. Start teaching that class in twenty fifteen, and basically it teaches the funeral director how to guide the family so that the family can do the hair and the makeup and the nails.

And even dress their loved one.

So but that's a service, like you pay for that, you know, you pay your funeral director for that service. But yes, absolutely families can be a part of that and dress their loved one and do the makeup and

So read some Yale pages. Ask your most goth friends or maybe the people in your life who like voted early and have an earthquake kit and just generally have their shit together. Have you ever had anyone interview you while they are still alive? What do you mean, like to say, hey, things aren't looking so great?

Oh, yes, you to do it, like like for pre arrangements and whatnot. Absolutely, so, like many people don't realize that funeral directors often do pre arrangements, and so you can pre arrange your funeral with your funeral directors. So absolutely, I have families that come in and talk to me and say, hey, Monica, I want to plan everything now so that.

You know exactly what to do when I die.

And so like I looked amazing here, I'd like this y pokey.

I m h. Absolutely, And they choose everything. They can choose their casket or whether they want a shroud, or if they they want a bronze casket, or if they want to be cremated, and like we do everything, We all the details.

You pick the urn.

Say you don't want a funeral, hearsey, I want to be in a horse drawn carriage.

Oh fancy, fancy.

So we can plan all that in advance.

You can even pay for it in advance too, with like funeral insurance.

A lot of people don't know that. But the one thing I would say is that you don't have to pay to do funeral arrangements.

And a lot of people have that misconception that they have to pay for their funeral if they go and talk to a funeral director about that, and that's not true.

Oh you can yeah, yeah, yeah, you can go in and you may.

And funeral directors love that because then it's just so much like they already know what to do.

Yeah, they already know.

They pull your file and this is what you know Shelley wants and we already talked about it. Her signature's right here. That takes the pressure off the family. They don't have to make decisions.

All they have to do is pay.

Just yeah, just pick up the tab pre ordered it, Yep, yep ordering It's like ordering Indian food. Yeah, he chose everything. Just pick up the tab.

Yeah.

You can even do it online.

I have colleagues that do it online now, so families don't even.

Have to go in the funeral home.

Oh my gosh, yeah, so smart.

I mean.

On that note, I got so many questions from so many amazing listeners. Jacob Blizzard first time question asker, have you ever prepared a full clown in makeup? Jeffrey Bradshaw wants to know if anyone ever asked to be made up as a character. There is one question JV Hampton V sant let's know if I wanted to say be Bury looking like a Dolly Parton drag impersonator? Is that a request? Tarn wants to know if they could go out and drag makeup? And I really loved this one question.

So it's totally cool.

But like I said, you have to find the right funeral director, right, because so politics play a big deal in everyone's life. For everyone is you want to make sure that you're going to somebody who understands like what you want, and that they also respect your own views and the way that you live your lifestyle. So like, for example, my best friend David passed away from cancer a few years ago.

When they told him you're.

Terminally ill, he came to me and he's like, I want to plan all this out, and so we.

Started doing that. And he was gay. He was a gay man, but he was like not just a gay man, he.

Was like a fabulous gay man and like everybody knew that his nickname was Barbie and yeah, so everybody knew how fabulous David was. And I wanted to make sure that he went out just as fabulous as he could.

And so we talked about that and he's like Wonica.

He's like, please, oh my god, please do not let me go out without a tan and because he loved to be tan, and he lived in Florida and he loved to be tan. And you know, he was like, make sure that my highlights are on point, and please make sure that I have a tan. And so we did that. Like I made sure that I gave him a spray tan.

And he wanted glitter all around his suit.

He had a white suit that he picked out and this like beautiful, bright colored shirt.

I made sure he had glitter on the flower.

I made him a flower corsage and it had like glitter on it, and made sure that his highlights were like on point. Yes, if you want to look like Dolly Parton, you can do that, but you need to call him, Monica, you.

Need to call me. You need to say, you know, you need to find a funeral director. Really though.

You need to find a funeral director that understands that and that they can offer you that service.

That you want. So it just takes a little bit of legwork, but absolutely it can be done.

If you want to look like a cartoon character, if you want to go out and cosplay or whatever, like, yes you can do that, but you need it first of all, you need to express that to your family and make sure that your family understands. You need to have it in writing, and you need to find a funeral director that's going to honor your wishes and that has the skills to do that, because you know, not everybody can do drag makeup.

It's not easy.

You're born naked and the rest is drag.

So no, yeah, it's not easy. So you want to make sure that you have the right people in place. If that really truly is your wish, you need to put it in writing. Make sure that you have the right professionals and place, and that your family fully understands your requests.

Absolutely. Several people Tammy Forton, Molly rose, Ky Siebert, Heidi stootion Off and Elaine Lemarande. Who's the first time question asker wants to know HBO series six Feet Under? Did they get it right? Was it flim flam?

Why do people have to die? It's Mike life important?

Hew. Do you wants to know if you ever imagine having full on conversations with the deceased or Tammy wants to know if do you ever just talk to the person while you're doing them up, either out louder in your head.

Yeah, those are all like really common questions that I get.

First of all, I'm sorry to disappoint you all, I never watched Six Feet Under. Sorry, I just don't. I don't watch shows like that. I'm like, I'm like a super nerd.

Like I watch like really like.

Like documentaries on like the history of food or something like.

I'm really into nutrition and fitness, so I typically spend time, like.

You know, watching those kind of shows or like history.

So sorry, I don't know if they got it right or not. As far as conversations with the dead, yeah, I do.

I do have.

Conversations with them sometimes. My most favorite one would be like, uh.

You know, help help me, help you.

You know, if I have a body that's you know, giving me a hard time and I'm not able to like really get the effect that I'm going for, I tell them like help me help you, or you know. Sometimes I'll say, you know, we're gonna get you where you're going, Like I'm gonna help your family through this, and you're gonna look beautiful. That's something I always I do a lot is I'll be like, you're gonna look so great, You're really beautiful.

And I don't know if that's more for me, But yeah, I do.

I have those kind of like little conversations every once in a while.

For sure, it's Mollie in there.

Yeah, a few people had some questions that I'm sure you get a lot. They're probably afraid to ask, but Molly and Sadie want to know, eyeballs, do you have to close them? Do you have to sew like in lips? Karen wanted to show this. Do you have to close the lips or the eye out?

Does that work?

Yeah?

Okay, so that's super technical and a lot of people are weirded out by that kind of stuff. But so sometimes I'll get a body in and their eyes are already closed and their mouth is closed, and so I don't.

Really have to do anything.

Ninety percent of the time, we do have to close the people's eyes, and we do have to.

Close their mouth.

And so there is a surgical procedure that we do, and it's it's a suturing procedure, and you have to think of it like you're going to the dentist. So people get so weird a out about it. But I'm like, you, guys, this is plastic surgery on the debt.

That's all it is.

Okay, So basically it's a it's a surgical procedure where we go in and we suture through the nose the septum and down into the mouth and close the mouth that way. So you know, obviously we're not using any like painkillers or anything because the person is dead. But yeah, so I try to like demystify that fear for people or so that they don't have fear and demystify that process by explaining it that way where it's a surgical procedure much like plastic surgery.

The same with the eyes. So sometimes we.

Will use a little tiny bit of adhesive just to keep the inner canthus and the outer capthas like closed.

A canthus side note is a corner of the eye. And also I just read that some deserologists might use eye caps under your lids. They look like large plastic contact lenses, but they have spikes on one side to keep the decedent's eyes closed like they're in deep sleep. And now the facial features are set before embalming in

Not always though.

If the embombing process goes very well, you don't have to use any kind of adhesive at all.

Oh yeah, so that tissue will firm in that position, which is what we're really after.

Okay, yeah, I didn't know that.

Yeah.

Do people do they die with an expression on their face?

Sometimes? Yeah, yeah.

Sometimes I'll get somebody and that has a little smirk or something like that.

And usually by the time the.

Person has gotten to me at the mortuary, any kind of rigor mortis has gone away, and so they're in a natural position.

And not that this was something I thought I would ever learn, but there are stages that the body goes through after your spirit flies off into heaven filled with frogs and friendly possums and your grandpa and all you can eat lactose free gelato and hammocks. So the first stage after you die is pallor mortis, where circulation stops and skin looks lighter and pallid. Then there's alger mortis, where the body comes to ambient room temperature just cools

Yeah, people die with their mouth open a lot. I mean, you relax, every muscle relaxes, so you know, we do kind of like when you're sleeping, you know, sometimes you sleep with your mouth open.

It's kind of the same thing.

Catch and flies. We've all done it.

Yeah, no horrified looks, though I don't really have recollection of any like horrified expressions.

So yeah, I was worried about that.

I was like, yeah, no, that's not something that I've seen.

And then Wendy Miles and Lulu Hall both wanted to know if there is a smell or if that is even an issue. I guess Also, you're wearing a mask, so that is that a thing.

The smells are yes, so that is one thing for sure. That is.

It's definitely like decomposition has a smell, and dead human bodies have a smell, much like when you walk into the hospital. So those smells from the hospital they do carry over into the mortuary. So there is you know, the bodily fluids that are produced. Yeah, all of that very clinical hospital smells, and then that's paired with the smells of decomposition.

I try to.

Explain it to people like if you've ever had a steak in your refrigerator and gone away for the weekend and you come back and you open the refrigerator up, and you're like, ooh, that's definitely like there's something bad in there smell. So that smell is kind of like what it's like, but on a grand scale, right, Yeah, so I think it's important also to point out that

There's no offensive odor for the family.

And to be honest, working, you know, as a professional, like I don't want to smell those smells either.

They can get a little stinky.

Oh, Bubury had a great question. Is makeup done differently on deceased people of color? Products for darker complexions weren't widely available before the seventies.

Yeah, absolutely, so it's totally different. And also it's important to remember that another fascinating and amazing thing about embombing is that we can cosmetize a deceased person from the inside out.

What it's so.

Cool, It is super cool, especially if you can really as an en bomber, if you can master that technique, it's really neat.

So what we do is we add a die additive to the.

Bombing fluid, and whether that person is Caucasian or black, we have different types and colors of dye that we can use, and when it's done right, it is really beautiful, like the person's skin tone is just it's it comes.

Out really nice. You can do that.

But then also the cosmetics that we use. If it's topically that we're talking about, Lola seven, like I said, it's a very modern type brand of mortuary makeup is actually created by a black lady who she's a black funeral director, and so that was something I think that she brought to the game that was really valuable to me is that she brought different palettes of different complexion types.

Cool. Oh and if you want to look up Lola seven, the seven is spelled se numeral seven een and they're on Instagram at Lola seven Cosmetics. I started poking around their cosmetics site and for a second, I was like, Oh, that's a great coral lip palette, and then I remembered it will hopefully be a very long time before I get to wear it.

So yeah, I have all over palettes, and I have so any kind of complexion, whether they're black or Asian or Hispanic or Caucasian.

I have all of those different types of foundation.

Colors, Oh that's great.

Yeah, but I.

Do I do have to say I do try to cosmetize through internally first, because less is more when it comes to mortuy makeup in my opinion, And.

I guess that's also just a good lesson. Like, you know, if you want your skin to look great while you're alive, drink a lot of smoothies. Yeah, a lot of bit your vitamins hydrate exactly, and the best that I feel like the best skin cream is just drinking water.

You're absolutely right. I have to agree with you.

I'm that A few people wanted to know if you've had any really strange requests. Cassie Flint and Ariel Jade asked if you've just had like a really strange request that either cut you off guard or was a challenge.

Yeah.

So I think the most interesting strange request was I had a young lady who passed to and she was an exotic dancer obviously like a young girl, very beautiful, and she didn't really have a family, so her work family was like the people that were taking care of her arrangements, and they wanted to have her prepared in her costume like her oh.

Her dancing costumes. So and I'm fine with that. I mean, I will honor anyone's wishes within reason, right, But the.

Issue that I had was that, you know, it's so much of her skin that was showing that that's a lot of makeup and a lot it was a challenge because of the decomposition process and the way that the body, you know, breaks down. A lot of that we can camouflage underclothing as morticians. So you know, I was like, you guys, I don't know if that's really like, I don't know if that's the best idea, Like that's really that's a lot of skin, you know, that's going to

Of decomposition, she wasn't in a great place. However, I wanted to do that for them.

I just didn't think it would be the best like last memory for them. And so once I explained it to them and like this is going to show and this is.

They were like, oh yeah, like yeah, we don't want that, yeah, you know.

So I think just having that open conversation with them of like, this is what's what you're gonna see.

Is it makes people's.

Minds up for them when they have that conversation and they're like, oh, I didn't think about that.

Oh y'all. Friends do become family. And this story just socked me right in the guts. So I hope her molecules have fed mushrooms and flowers and worms that feed birds that sing in the sunshine. She deserves it. I want to cry. How did it turn out? What did she end up wearing? Does she end up wearing a dress?

Yeah?

Yeah, we put her in a really pretty, like shimmery dress. It was one of her one of her costumes that she had. It just had more coverage m hm. So yeah, she ended up looking really pretty on her special day.

But I did have a magician one time. Really that was kind of cool. Yeah, And it was a funeral of.

All magicians, so that was that was kind of cool. And they did a really nice send off for him.

They had like his little hat and his little bunny and everything with him.

Wait, hold the phone. Did they bury the magician with his bunny?

The bunny was alive? Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh yeah.

But not buried with him alive?

No no, no, no, no no. But he was there for the service. Oh, yeah, he was. He was with him and he was there for the service. Yeah, solute emotional support.

Yes, Oh my gosh, did you have to hide a bunch of scarves and his sleeves and all that stuff? Ah amazing. Yeah, you got to know some like real magic tricks, I'm sure.

Oh, it was one of the most memorable funerals that I've had, and all the magicians that were there, and like, yeah it was. It was definitely one for the books for sure.

A party Corn and Jen Borlick and me handlebars want to know if you've ever had anything spooky or done right weird happen and any unexpected surprises, or if you've ever kind of freaked yourself out.

Spooky or unexpected surprises.

Unexpected surprises would be like last day of service. I work my buns off all week trying to get you know, this body prepared in the funeral running and everything perfect, and then like the day of the service, the family has like no money to pay.

So I would say that's probably the one that I'm like, oh my god, I don't.

Know what, but I would say, like I know what people are after, and like spooky, I don't really have any of those stories.

I just it's not like that.

I think people get so caught up and like the movies and what they say on TV that they don't realize it's it's really like a hospital setting. Mm hmm. You know, it's like a hospital setting, and so it's very clinical and we have our cooler. Yes there's you know, bodies in our cooler. But I'm so busy that I don't have really.

Time to think about like spooky stuff.

I think people think that we have one body and that's it, when we in reality, we probably have like we're processing between five and twenty bodies at a time, and.

Are you going from one to the other, like depending on stages and stuff.

Yeah, absolutely absolutely. So Yeah, I know I wish I had some spooky stories. I wish I had, like I wish I had like oh yeah this one time, like this guy like sat up and he started talking to me, or.

It's just not it's just that's good. I think that helps people. Yeah, So I guess don't be afraid of funeral homes are dead people, dead people who are literally chillen in fridges right now. We're probably afraid of dead people. While they were alive, and they're just someone's cousin or girlfriend or mom or coworker or maleman, and they all had birthdays and got excited about donuts in the break room and had favorite songs and a smell that reminded

So my one thing I would say that's really it's hard for me is that the misconceptions about embalming, what it is and why we do it and why you know, there's a lot of I want to really truly drive this home to your listeners, is that there's a lot of propaganda on the internet right now about like embalming is bad for the environment, and it's bad for this, and it's bad for that, and it's not the people Stop listening to embombing advice from people who don't You're

Itself gets under her skin. That's dead worthy, right there, Brava.

So just be careful with what you are listening to you on YouTube and podcasts and people that are a lot of like the natural burial advocates and stuff like that, which I love natural burial.

No, no offense to natural burial. I absolutely love it.

I think it's beautiful, amazing way to say goodbye. Absolutely, just be careful about what you're listening to.

Of course, just dad word jumping into say that opinions really differ on this topic. As you can imagine, plenty of websites say that embalming fluid is a disgrace to our poo filled sewage systems. But I did find a twenty eleven paper from the University of Johannesburg titled the Effect of Formaldehyde Use in Sanitation, which stated formaldehyde does not raise any serious human health or environmental concerns provided

You're asking me what I want? Yeah, it's your funeral.

What about the thing that you just love the most about your career, your job?

The thing that I love most about my career and my job is that, hands down, I get to help people that are living in their darkest days. So I get to connect with people on a level that other people will never even their closest friends.

And family do not get to connect with them.

So I really love the fact that years after I'll have families that will reach out to me and they remember every detail of the time that we spent together. Yeah, you know, planning the service and the things that I did for their loved one.

I just truly love connecting with people like that.

Yeah, you have to really be a people person to work with the dead, Huh.

I think so.

I think you have to have that definite like you have to have compassion, and you have to like be able to be strong and like that the family's counting on you to like get them through that really horrible time in their life.

So yeah, I do. I really that's my favorite part of it.

That's a beautiful thing. Yeah, that's really great. And you're you're so respected in your field, you're just like the person to ask about it. So I was so excited to.

Talk to you.

I love that.

Well, I'm so glad to get some of your time. I know. Unfortunately it's busy season for you.

Yes, it is so, because it is.

It is a busy, fast moving kind of pace here and we're going into our busy season as far as deaths is concerned. I have for your listeners or anybody else, I have a link set up on my website for the general public, and I do teach classes as well for the general public. So all these questions your listeners are asking, they might want to take a class that I offer and they can engage with me and other people that are interested in the macob and learning about death and a comfortable environment.

Awesome. Oh. This was asked by patrons and mortuary students Kayla Simpson and Kyra Die Hello, wonderful death workers. Thank you for taking care of the people that we love. Oh, a few people who are in mortuary school. Ast. If you have one piece of advice for someone going down this path, if you could give to yourself in the past or someone else starting out, any one last piece of advice.

Somebody that's going into the industry is to really thicken your skin right up. Yeah, tick in your skin up. And you know, don't let anybody tell you that you can't achieve your dreams like you, go after it. Whatever your your dreams are, don't let anybody squish.

Them, don't let anyone squish them.

Don't let anyone shirts, don't let anyone squish them like yeah, don't let anybody get in your way.

Well, thank you so so much. Keep up the amazing work for those families, and make sure to get some rest in between if you can.

It's been fin Ali, Thanks for having me, thanks for reaching out, and.

I guess until next time, happy embalming.

So ask smart people stupid questions, and whether you want to dance or wear glitter or embalm people or write a novel, follow your dreams. Don't let anyone question them. To learn more about Monica and her classes services, even embalming uniforms. You can check out her website at next Gen Mortuary. Support link is in the show notes. You can follow her on Instagram and on Twitter at Cold

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