¶ ALF's Decline and Faced Challenges
The second half of our ALF talk . Last week we talked about the origins of the ALF character and his creator , Paul Fusco , whose name I've pronounced multiple ways over this series . Variety is the spice of life , I suppose this episode .
We continue talking about the merchandising juggernaut that ALF was and what happened to the character after the show's cancellation 1987 , ALF , the Animated Series , airs on Saturday mornings on NBC and I kinda remember the theme song of that show . Actually it was made by Deek and Saban Productions .
It was a prequel series dealing with Gordon's time on Mel Mac before it blew up . Fun fact , they never call him ALF on this show because he's not an alien life form . They just call him Gordon , Makes sense .
I'm not a d I mean I dunno An alien named Gordon . I'm nitpicking , but it's just yeah .
Lack of imagination on your part , I guess , yeah .
I guess .
So I assume the ALF's plan is just like um fuckin' Howard's Planet , yeah well , and also too , I mean , that was literally just a joke on the show . I mean , why wouldn't alien have an old Jewish man's name ? Ha ha ha , it's hilarious . I'm I know it's lost on you , but yeah , that was- .
It is lost on me .
It's humor ? Yeah , it is , but yeah , it's , it's Kemp , it's the tragically ludicrous , or ludicrously tragic , Ha ha ha . After ALF , the Animated Series , came ALF Tales , where ALF recreated famous tales like Jack and the Beanstalk and such .
I remember both of those cartoons and I actually liked them better than the show because again they could do some more stuff on their more inventive and more imaginative .
Yeah , I guess . Yeah , I mean cartoons will always Do you ever watch ?
cartoons , I'm guessing , not Always . Oh , I did Okay .
No , I mean , oh , I think it's cartoons , but yeah , I've actually seen well , one or two of those cartoons . Oh , yeah . But our cartoons always can be better .
When you're stuff's like that , I mean again when we're like the Howard the Duck episode you know that movie should have been an animated movie because you could have done a lot more with it and you know the style . I don't know I could , I could imagine like this , I could barely remember it .
So I'm I wouldn't even hesitate to say I've watched them because my memory is so foggy about it . But I do remember seeing like animated alph bits , so like flashes .
Yeah , yeah , I think the show's actually lasted for a couple of years each . Not a bad run ? No , not at all . Yeah , 1989 , alph hosts the Macy's Day , macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade . So there's that , which is something I was never that big into . I'm just not that big in parades period they're boring they're also in .
Yeah , they really are , especially if you're there , because then you're standing all day and just kind of your feet hurt . That makes me really confused , me .
Yeah , I mean like let's go to the fair parade . Okay , so you're standing there as they pass by and then I think God never got on the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade I could . That would be a misery to me . You go all the way out that way to stand in one area . Yeah , the floats go by but you're not getting .
You're better off watching on TV , because then at least you get like a decent camera view and they're dancing to you , not to like random whoever . Yeah .
Parades were one of those things that I feel like were cool a hundred years ago . Yes , back . You know when it's like , yeah , you couldn't just see everything on TV , you had to , like , wait for it to come to you somehow . So , yeah , in which case , hey , I would stand out for a while to watch .
You know one of five cars in the entire state of Maine to come puttering by or whatever it is . So let's see where were we ? Oh yeah , alpha's on an episode of Matlock as well , because that's what people who watch Matlock really want is Alphen , wait what ?
That's what kids want to do is watch Matlock . Yeah , Alph is on an episode of Matlock I don't remember that I mean I'm not saying you're lying , I'm just saying I don't remember that .
Alph was actually literally just in like a I don't know one minute scene where he was like being interviewed on TV over a murder or something like that .
Okay , yeah it was just one scene where Alph , yeah , he , I don't think he actually interacted with Matlock unfortunately I'm picturing Alph is like I just flashed at him being the defendant and Matlock's the best to get him off .
Matlock's like . Now listen to him . Mr Alph , did you eat my cat ? I might be a small country time lawyer , but I know the sound of a cat being eaten if I've ever heard one . And that's the sound I heard come from my barn when I found you young man .
I believe the only evidence that linked my client Alph to the murder scene is the half eaten cat . But I would like to point to you that this cat has not been eaten . In fact , if you look closely , he was chopped in half by a knife . I don't believe Alph he has hands can hold the knife .
Can you , mr Alph , please hold this murder weapon he got fumbly trying to grab with like his hands , yeah right . Please notice he is trying for several minutes to pick up this knife .
This man is good with a knife as a no shock is with a scalpel .
And again I go back to . I might be a poor country lawyer , yeah , but . But I think Mr Knifehead's in the back , he's trying to keep his head down . He's more likely to kill the person .
The man wearing the cat skin cap he's probably the man who did it ?
And please notice only half a cat skin .
And there we just wrote the world's greatest episode of Matlock yes , we did . That was an amazing episode of Matlock . Yep , we can always do an animated Matlock series after the fact All right , 1990 , as Alph shows winding down .
He stars alongside Alvin and the Chipmunks , garfield Bugs , bunny and Winnie the Pooh for Cartoon All Stars to the Rescue , which is an anti-drug cartoon by the Ronald McDonald House , and obviously that show was a huge success because we have not had a drug problem since then . Good job , good job . Cartoon show .
Yeah , apparently that show was actually simulcast on like all the big three networks , so there's like no escaping it at the time . While merchandise was selling well , as time went on the show was starting to suffer , like we were talking about . The writing for the show was pretty difficult as Alph was kind of stuck at home doing adventures .
Like one episode he actually became like a telemarketer , literally like sitting at home just on the phone talking to people . Yeah , not exactly action packed , exciting stuff right there . So anyways , yeah , they couldn't really have Alph do much , they couldn't have him leave .
Stories started to stagnate and on top of the story stagnating tempers were flaring on the set all the time . People were just getting all sorts of angry and fed up with the long shooting schedules and just everything being frustrated on there . Oh yeah , and apparently the set . I don't know exactly .
I don't know if the ventilation was bad , but I guess the set was always super hot , like noticeably hotter than it was outside and very annoying to be on .
I guess it was because of all the like , the things they had to do for Alph .
Yeah , I'm guessing it was something like that , and they probably also had like a whole lot more people on the crew too , just because they had people having to deal with Alph and I don't know . But everybody said the set was very , very hot and that was not good .
Yeah , you have all the bodies above and below you and then you have all those motors and , like the low , like not really ventilated machines , all spit , not heat , yeah yeah , and lighting , oh dude , I'm just just thinking about being miserable .
So by the time season four rolled around , alph had went from 15th and overall ratings all the way down to 39th in the ratings and the writing was on the wall that the show was either going to end or something had to change .
So , basically , going into the season four , brandon Tartikov , the guy who greenlit the show , the president of NBC , he kind of gave Fusco a gentleman's agreement saying that hey , okay , we'll give you a fifth season , you can do your best to turn it around . Then , if you got any good ideas , do it then and we'll see what happens .
And basically their plan was on season five . So you know on season four how we had that cliffhanger where Alph was about to get taken away by the military , isn't ?
that where you're standing in the yard , all the lights were on him and you know that is on the woods , but yeah , okay . Yep .
And I'm standing there , like in there , yeah , and then the military showed up and then the plane or the spaceship took off . He's like no , don't leave me . And then this episode ended on a really dumb joke and a laugh track . It's like a very dramatic moment . He's like , oh , not a sports fan among you .
And then everybody laughed and like it went fade to dark . Kind of a strange ending .
Anyways , the reason we got that ending was because season five was going to continue with Alph at a military base and it was basically going to be the military bait , military people running all sorts of experiments on him and Alph subjecting the military to his patented rambunctious sky larkings .
So , instead of being at home annoying a but a suburban family , he was going to be on a military base annoying suburban military aides , military aides , military aides . Extensive searches on internet and his knowledge led to the death of Alph by Alph , and that's what happened , and I'm not Militarians .
However , season 5 and that continuation of them being on a military base was not to be , as Mr Tartakov was actually ousted at the head spot of NBC and his replacement had no such fondness for Alph and it was just like Nope , we're gonna end that right now . You get no fifth season . Sorry about your two-parter ending , but this is where it's gonna stay .
I will say that him being on a military base did sound like it could be interesting . Maybe I guess I . Honestly , it sounds good to me .
Yeah , that's pretty . Yeah , you can get rid of the whole family , so the dad can finally like get a real job and then . Yeah actually they weren't even gonna have the original family on there .
I believe they're gonna like completely dip them from the series altogether .
No , that's all I was saying . Like you know , the actors can finally just fuck off and do it oh gotcha .
I thought you meant in the show the dad could get a real job and be like oh , no , no , yeah , I was gonna be like one of those dad dumb things where , like , the family just shows up on the military base , like , oh , the dad got a work job as a computer programmer here or something . No , that's probably derogatory to the actor .
That was a real job , you know , maybe he might have been happy necessarily working with that and you know he'd work for the money , but it was a real job .
I mean , but yeah , I was talking about like they could finally get away from that house with that family , yeah , and you would think it would open up a pretty whole treasure trove because now you know you could have lab thing you could have , I don't know .
I mean , I'm not saying I'm not even trying to write that show , but you could introduce a whole different class of characters and now , instead of being all the same family you have , like you know , you could almost do wise . I don't know , like are you being served ?
Forgive , forgive me for the British reference , but like just something where there's a collective gathering of people who all just kind of come together for one thing being Experimental Ralph or Ralph .
Ralph . Oh , that would be kind of a funny plot point if I alf snuck in the Ralph rehearsal dummy in one of the episodes . That would be pretty funny .
Yeah .
Hmm , I will say , though , our mingle idea sounded a little bit better than the military based one , so low ratings were only kind of half the story as why Alf got canceled .
¶ FCC Rollbacks and ALF Cancelation Effects
The other half , well , the FCC regulation rollbacks that Reagan enacted finally started taking effect around this time , and one thing that changed from this is that broadcast networks were now allowed to own shows that they aired .
Before this , broadcast broadcast networks could not own the shows that they aired , because is monopoly concerns , but now that was no longer the case and NBC could own any shows that it aired , as well as any other network .
In case you're wondering why it got repealed , because cable channels weren't broadcast channels , so they were not bound to the same rules , so they could own all the shows they wanted . So , basically , the broadcast networks were like hey man , we need some equal footing here . We're gonna get eaten alive by HBO and Showtime , and Showtime profits wise .
So I mean that kind of makes sense , I guess .
I don't know . I guess it's like I get it , but at the same time , like things have gotten so out of hand in terms of like and I'm again not trying to call it , but like monopolies , and we're just like you know .
Like I said earlier with the whole Disney thing is like I love the idea of all my favorite characters being on one screen , like if , oh my god , if there was some way we could have a Marvel DC crossover type thing in the movies , I would like die with joy .
But I also recognized , like , just because that was satisfied , my nerd itch , the idea of some big giant Disney movie company eating up all the media . That's real bad .
Yeah , it is Also one other thing that actually kind of worked out for the best about those FCC regulation rollbacks . It actually allowed for cartoons to advertise toys to kids . So if not for those rollbacks we probably wouldn't have gotten the Transformers and GI Joe and the such .
Oh to he man , yeah , yeah , because before that , like all cartoons couldn't like sell a product or a toy necessarily . But yeah , they kind of rolled that back . So it's like , hey , game on kids here , buy this stuff .
And that's like that's a hard line to walk because I think that there should be an issue of you know them marketing toys based on TV shows they made . But I do also understand the concern of like oh , we don't want that . You know them directly making shows for the pure reason of selling toys to kids . Yeah , but , but also . So what ?
Yeah , you know like I don't know .
Yeah , I mean we're kind of skewed to because we like those shows and that generation of stuff . So very true , yeah , I mean right . So Alph is now canceled . What show replaces Alph in his time slot ? Another fish out of water story , starting that young up and coming rapper , will Smith . That show is the Fresh Prince of Bel Air .
See , alph's cancellation led to Chris Rock getting slapped on stage at the 2022 Academy Awards , one of 2022's most talked about moments . It's a straight line . It is hey man . Explain to me how Alph cancelling did not lead to that .
I mean there really is no way to argue that , like you know , if you , there is not just logically , you know , I mean Will Smith was a rapper but that first time he actually made like real , like he was a star , was on that show , I mean , and he raised up there .
So , yeah , if he , if he will Smith have not done Fresh Prince of Bel Air , there's Walkman not gotten slapped by him , yes .
So another reason for Alph's waiting popularity was Fusco's insistence that everyone treat Alph like a living human being or living alien being . I guess would be this limited the appearances that he would do , because if you didn't agree ahead of time to treat Alph like he's real , he ain't appearing on your show . And not everyone was willing to meet those demands .
Snl for one wanted Alph on the show , but they didn't want to meet those stipulation by Fusco . So they're just like Nope , can't promise that we will treat Alph like a human being , so we're not going to have you on there , which I guess that SNL is really excited to do that too .
So also , jim Henson was a big fan of Alph and even wanted to do a Muppets Alph crossover . But Fusco declined that because he felt that people would confuse Alph for being a Muppet and then if they thought he was a Muppet they wouldn't think he was a real alien . So , um , yep , so we did not get .
Because , yeah , jim Henson was like hey , bring Alph over , we would have some good things . Just think we could have had a pigs in space Alph crossover . Think about cool that could have been .
I mean , did no one pull him aside ? Like dude ? No one thinks Alph is real , no one does . You've got to stop this Like you're killing the franchise .
Yeah right , probably somebody did and he was just like F you , I'll do what I want . I'm Paul Fusco , I control Alph . Alph is mine , but yeah , I mean that it's . It's incredibly stupid . I mean I could kind of see it a little bit if he was afraid of just the fact that people would think it was a Jim Henson product .
But no , it was mainly the fact that , uh , if they thought he was a Jim Henson product , then they thought he wouldn't be real .
I guess I mean again with the stipulations , that you have to treat him as real . I get it , it's dumb but I get it .
Yeah , it is dumb , so very , very dumb . But yeah , we got cheated out of an alph and Muppets crossover , so sad , I mean . I guess technically it could still happen , but the iron's not exactly hot for striking at this time , so yeah .
So the cast and crew were quite excited for the show to be ending , as avoiding falling to your death while playing second fiddle to a puppet tends to wear down on one's psyche over a few years , I can imagine .
Again the dad too . It was like oh , thank god .
It's over , yeah , and she and the mama who played the mom and thing openly talks about how miserable everybody was on the set due to long hours and the set being hot and everybody just being cranky .
The daughter , andrea Elson , because she started out the show , as you know , kind of a little kid and started , you know , morphing into an adult , so to speak , as the show went on . She didn't like the way she looked and kind of wanted to stay as a little kid , so she developed bulimia that lasted long after the show had been canceled .
So that's for her .
Yeah , that sucks for her . She eventually did get better , so that's good . But the one that was most hit hard by Alf was Max Wright , who played the dad , willie Tanner . On the last day of shooting , max famously did not say one word to anyone Soon as the .
As soon as the director called cut , he , max , just walked over the dressing room , grabbed all his stuff and just left the set without even saying a word . He could not get out of that studio fast enough .
That's a dick move , yep .
Not even one goodbye , nothing .
He's . He wasn't the only one , he wasn't the only one there suffering . I'm sure he I would have , I would have . I mean I get it Like you want to get out of there , but you weren't the only one suffering there and so you say goodbye , you say you're goodbye and he probably cost himself future work .
I'm not saying he definitely did , but there's a chance he cost himself future work because those were those people aren't going to remember all the time they worked with you .
What they're going to remember is the last thing they dealt with you with and the last thing they dealt with you with , you just fucking off at the very last thing , not saying a word to anybody , just rolling . Yeah , that's , that's what they're going to remember at the end of the day .
My guess is Max probably didn't want to work with anybody related to that show ever again and did not care , nope .
I mean , then he got what he got . You know , at the very end of the day , like his career kind of stopped because he decided that he was like no , I don't want to do this anymore .
Yeah yeah , max did not like this because , as we talked about earlier , max was a seasoned vet in the acting world and he didn't like the fact that Alf wasn't an actor who paid his dues and yet was the only one who got all the good lines . Oh yeah , I love it Basically . Yeah yeah , I'm glad you caught that .
That was like exactly where I was going with that that was exact .
Damn , mr T . And . Alf Two assholes who didn't pay their dues .
Yeah , exactly , everybody's mad at the more serious people we're mad at . I get a feeling I'm going to get more use out of that line as we do more podcasts because that seems to be kind of a running theme in the Hollywood and I'm steadily going to add to it .
Damn you , Mr T Alf .
Damn you , Mr T Alf .
I mean , and again , just like Mr T is like well , first of all , he's fucking puppet , that's not what you're talking about .
But like Mr T , like he's a flash in the pan , like you as an actor who put your dues in , you're going to be fine at the end of the day , you're going to move on and go to the rules , or whatever Mr T he had , he fulfilled a certain role for a certain time and saying certain things , and let him have
¶ TV Show Alf
it . Alf , he doesn't really fucking exist . But even if he did like , there aren't going to be a lot of roles . Again let's pretend he's real . He's a real actor . He is a real actor . That's Alf . He goes to openings . He's in fancy restaurants , got the best cats no-transcript . Where else is he gonna go ?
I mean , he's not gonna be in any of the big movies coming up .
He's not gonna be playing Hamlet , as far as we know .
Right , I was trying to go somewhere , like , for some reason nothing was popping my head . But yeah , like some of these real serious roles , you know , just he's not gonna be there , like when they're looking for someone to fill role like good fellas like oh , we're gonna have this guy , this guy , at Alf .
Or his role in Chindler's List , like we talked about earlier .
Yes , thank you for that great call . Like never forget his role in .
Chindler's List Yep . When Alf was at the Nuremberg trials seeing Joseph Mengele for the first time in a decade , I die I love how we Mr . Mengele , I remember what you did to me in that lab . It was not pleasant .
I love how we automatically stuck him on the Nazi side . They're like , without question he , either one of us , even considered the idea he'd be the other side . He was straight . He was straight guard , guard Auschwitz .
Yep , yeah , he was one of the thought of concentration camps because he remembers what they did to those salesman dinosaurs back on Melmac when they first showed up . Yep , the entire Holocaust was a blueprint that was copied from the salesman dinosaur massacre on Melmac 23,000 years ago .
They're gonna finally discover the secret tapes of 20 hours of injuries between Alf and Hitler as he slowly as he like describes how to for the perfect solution to his Jewish question .
Yeah , alf's just going off on the thing and Hillers , just you hear him back there on being like Mr Alf , will you stop pitting my cat so feverishly ? You see , I'm licking your lips while you are pitting him . I do not .
That and going , that and going . Oh , I'd never considered that being a plausible solution to our issue .
It's not just a solution , it's a final solution .
Oh , oh , oh oh . I see All the Nazis mumbling though . Oh wow , such great ideas coming from this Alf guy .
Yeah , this sounds very remarkable too . I was just like , hey , you guys got a dress nicer too . Ha , get yourself some knee-high boots and do this good stepping thing Black , sunny leather and bright red arband .
Yes , so now that we know we've come up with the fact that Alf helped the Nazi regime into power , I mean honestly , that wouldn't surprise me a whole lot .
Yeah , yeah .
So back to the show . Fusco basically wanted to make sure that nobody would upstage his little creation , alf . So that is why Alf had all the jokes and had all the funny parts and all the heartfelt parts too . Pretty much everybody in that show was literally just there to set up Alf for Alf's big moments .
And if you watch the show now with that in mind , it's pretty painfully obvious that everybody's just pretty much Max's whole job was go out there and look frustrated and be fuddled until Alf says something funny , and then we'll just do that for 20 hours , you know , a week . So yeah , I can see how it warped in pretty quick .
Literally , max's whole job , it felt like , was just him being like Alf . Uh , uh , uh , and that's pretty much it . Damn you Alf , yeah , damn you Alf . Whether this show started the problem or just exacerbated it , max became Max began rampant cocaine use while working on the set of Alf .
In fact , one time , while he was really high on Coke , max found the Alf puppet just sitting there unattended and proceeded to unleash his rage upon it and attack to the puppet . I seriously masturbated all over it . Get this out of your hair , you son of a bitch .
Yeah , uh , max's rage was enough that he actually damaged the puppet before security guards actually managed to pull him off . Took a few security guards . I guess when Max was on the Norm McDonald show he would actually tell the story to Artie Laying and with kind of with like pride , I guess be like hey one day , artie , you like Coke ?
Guess what I did on Coke one day I attacked Alf .
So after uh , out of things to go for Max and his cocaine addiction after Alf , not really that great See in 2001 , the National Enquirer , the National Enquirer tabloid , published pictures from a homemade video they purchased showing TV dad and family man Max Wright smoking crack cocaine out of a homemade pipe while he and his gay lover have sex with a homeless man
. According to Max's gay lover , this was something they did quite often . The duo had head out twice a week and pay a random homeless man $100 to go to a hotel room with him and have a good old crack field sucking . Fuck . Yeah , there you go . Yeah , there you go . You know , if you're a homeless gay crackhead , that's gotta be like Christmas coming early .
Couple of dudes show up and like hey , you got 100 bucks and head back to a hotel room .
You imagine later on that guy's , like you know , walking the street . He like looks in some like TV store , sees much TVs in the front window and they're playing Alf . He's like hey .
Yeah , I blew that guy , or even worse . I mean just like during the actual act , like mid stroke or something . You look in his eyes like hey , you're the dad from Alf , right on , man , that's gotta make things awkward during the orgy , right ? So , pointing out the fact is on the Alf show and he just went limp right there on the spot Weirdest thing ever .
Or he would like to slide in like Alf lines , like it's almost sliding , until finally noticed Next day almost man murdered in a hotel .
That's what happened Just on the wall , written in blood and semen . It's just like no more Alf . So Sorry , this hit me when you said so that controversy kind of damaged his career a little bit . Then , shortly after that , in 2003 , he was arrested for drunk driving after driving his 1985 Volvo off the road and plowing into some mailboxes .
And yeah , that was kind of the last controversy we heard about him , because later years he wound up dying of cancer at the age of 75 . However , at the end of his life he finally lightened up about Alf . He still kind of hated the experience on it but he was like , well , you know , it did bring people joy .
So I guess I gotta be proud of that in a way . A lot of people liked it . I hated it , but that's not the point , it's the viewers . So he kind of lined up a little bit . Still hated Alf , still hated the show , but realized he wasn't all bad .
Well , I hope so . I mean , it would be really sad for him if he just hung onto , like his final words , as he's laying there with this loved one ground up , he's reached that .
He's like tell Alf to go fuck himself .
Damn you Alf . Like he's still acting , like he's still in character , like acting as if Alf was a real thing .
He's just like yelling lines at one of the Alf dolls across the room , acting like it's real . Back to Alf . After the show was canceled there was a Dark Ages for Alf where we didn't see much of him at all . Probably his most famous scene was when he came back in 1995 and the Simpsons made a pog joke about him . Remember Alf Bart ? He's back in pog form .
Yeah , I do remember that . Yes , yeah , possibly because of this one joke , and you can't prove me wrong on this ABC comes to Fusco and says hey , fusco , you know how . You still own the rights to Alf smartly . Well , you wanna come over here and shoot a finale for yourself , finally Complete that two-parter . And Fusco said foe shizzle , I do who ?
I assume he was big into Snoop Dogg at the time and talking like him . So hence the foe shizzle . So Fusco grabbed him and OG Alf writer Tom Pratchett and got back together starting a writing , a finale , and what we wound up getting was 1996 project Alf starring Martin Sheen , ray Walston and Miguel Ferrer .
So what we get is that movie with Alf running around on a military base , and overall the thing is actually a very boring movie . I remember watching him be very disappointed with it ? Did you see the movie ? Which one ? Was it ? Project Alf , the movie that came out on ABC in 1996 , the second half of the two-parter ? I don't think so .
Yeah , yeah , there you go . You hear it , surprise my voice . You think it sounds familiar , but I don't think I actually watched it .
Yep didn't have any of the original cast in it . It was mainly Martin Sheen trying to kill Alf because Martin Sheen's parent or mom was kidnapped by aliens . So he thinks Alf's people did it and he's trying to get revenge on Alf . Before we leave the 90s , paul Fusco did have one other project that came to fruition 1991 .
He created Space Cats , a hybrid cartoon slash puppet show starring Townsend Coleman and Rob Paulson , two actors who auditioned for Howard the Duck .
The Space Cats came from the planet called Triglyceride 7 , ruled by a being named Dork , which was short for disembodied , omnipotent ruler of cats , which was played by Charles Nelson Reilly , famous character actor from back in the day . Basically , in between cartoon spots they would have a live action slash puppet set up for the show .
As for Charles Nelson Reilly , popped in , the show did not last very long . I honestly don't even remember it . To be honest , I guess I got diabetes , yeah .
Triglyceride .
Oh yeah , blood sugar , yay , yay . So he's been seeing test strip infomercials , haven't you ?
Well , no , I just remember , back before I started taking like medication from a cholesterol , I went in to get my blood drawn and the guy's like we can't give you your cholesterol like levels . The reason why is your triglycerides are so high we can't see anything else .
Oh yeah , you're telling about that . Once you maxed out the machine .
Yeah , the machine only goes to 600 and you went above that . Yeah , he's like you guys , you're your blood space like a smoothie , like okay , well , I should probably do something about that .
So well , I mean , if you got so many triglycerides , sell off the excess ones and make some money . You think , yeah , you think . I mean , if you got and not how capitalism works you got excess of something , sell it to somebody who needs it . Yay , early in the 2000s Alph would have made a little bit of a comeback to SHIELD 1010-220 .
Dial that before your area code and save money . That's another thing I kind of forgot existed . Remember that ? The battle of the 1010-220s and stuff like that , no , really .
Oh , basically back in the day when you had like land , yeah , when you had land lines before you dialed a long distance call , there's these companies you could call first and they would like hook you up with cheaper rates .
So like , if you wanted to call somebody's phone number , you first had to dial 1010-220 , then the area code , then the phone number , and then it would like give you , in theory , cheaper rates at a certain time of the day . There's a whole lot of companies that actually did this in the early 2000s .
But yeah , that's exactly why they put Alph in those commercials , because you know , people remembered him . He has a comforting familiar face , and also by the year 2000, . He's only like 10 years past his prime .
So yeah , yeah and plus it's not because he's a recognizable face but not real . It's not like the day scandals Like , oh you know , back when Alph , like did cocaine and killed a hooker just .
Ha . No , that was just his fictitious dad that did that Right . 2002 , Alph is part of NBC's 75th anniversary special . He's just there for like literally one shot . Where he's sitting , I think it's next to like one of the presidents of NBC and he like has one line and that's pretty much it , Even though he's just there for that one shot .
Producer Tina Fey said that setting up that shot was by far the biggest pain in the butt of the entire thing .
Yep , I believe especially . Oh , something like that would be quick and easy , like , okay , where's doing this ? Hey , let's throw a funny gag in here . Then here we are .
Yeah , apparently , from what I was reading , like as soon as that scene was done , literally they cut out there and it's the dude with Alph sitting next to it . Alph says his one line and I guess the instant they cut away , alph is done there . They like literally grabbed the pump and they just leave because they don't need Alph .
The rest of the show they're just like do your one line , get out ? And they did .
I'm sure they said it nicer than that , or maybe they didn't . Maybe they're like do your one line . They are known for their kind of dickishness .
I mean , yeah , do your one line that fuck off , say it and get out . It's like Crusty the Clown kind of thing .
¶ Alph's TV Career and Future Plans
2004, . Alph gets a show on TV land called Alph's Great Talk Show . Only seven episodes were made and some say it is the second worst TV talk show of all time , right behind the Chevy Chase show . I remember the Chevy Chase show .
I actually managed to watch one episode of it too , because people always talk about how horrible it was , and it is horrible , it is god-awful .
I briefly remember seeing it . I don't remember much of it , but I do remember Chip Chase is a bad interviewer , just so you know . Yeah , I barely remember . I just remember that he was on there and I remember kind of being upset when they canceled it because it was so short .
But again , I always come from a place of I haven't seen any of it so I'm just like , oh it sucks it was only on there for a little bit .
2007 , Alph was on the O'Reilly factory . Try that again . 2007 , Alph was on the O'Reilly factors TV icon of the week . So if you ever want to see Bill O'Reilly interview Alph , there's your opportunity right there .
I'll never watch Bill O'Reilly anything so .
Ha . Well , if you want to watch Bill O'Reilly something , you can watch it with Alph , never , never .
Ha , Never I'll be . I'll be goddamn before I watch something else Ha .
I will not give that man the time of day in my brain .
I mean , I don't know , maybe I'll watch a clip because Alph's in it , but that's about it .
Yeah , it's not that great , it's pretty short yeah .
I mean , because how long are you going to help again ? Along with that , we just talked about how much of a pain it asked him to do it . You know , I can't imagine them like oh , we're gonna have this gag . Oh , wow , this is a lot of work , never mind .
So 2010 rolls around and deleted scenes from the original Alph series emerge online , and then in them you can see Fusco performing as Alph , pretend to have Tourette's syndrome and then say the N-word repeatedly , over and over again . Alph then tells actress Andrea Wilson , the daughter of the show , to climb on top of him and straddle him .
This can be found on YouTube with very little effort . So that was where we talked about the racist thing earlier . Wait , what was this ? 2010 , deleted scenes from the original Alph series emerge online . Apparently , I guess you could actually find them on the DVDs , I guess it was . I felt They'd be very early DVDs .
I did see some outtakes where he was like definitely making some off-color like sexist stuff to the wife . But yeah , I didn't hear , I didn't know that part .
When I saw he was saying it to the daughter , telling her to straddle him .
Oh , wow Again . I'm sure there was a bunch of outtakes and I saw some , but not those .
Yeah , you remember this one because he says the N-word a lot in it .
Oh yeah , I would definitely remember that .
I would absolutely remember that , yeah , and the Tourette's thing too , but there's kind of an explanation for this , at least for the Tourette's part Around this time .
There's an episode of LA Law that had a person who had Tourette's syndrome being on the stand and he had a Tourette's fit and then proceeded to call the black lawyer the N-word repeatedly as kind of a shocking moment in LA Law , and basically Alph was kind of mocking that scene or recreating it .
However , I couldn't find any good explanation why Alph was asking the daughter to straddle him .
Yeah , so I'll give you . Okay , I'm not gonna give a full pass . Still fucked up , because you know , one was a drama , the other one they make fun of it . But you know what ? Okay , you know , okay , I'll lie . Okay , it's still , it's off-color , but yeah , the straddling thing , you're right .
But if he's making a direct reference to something that happened on a show that was happening around that time , yeah , actually I'll send it to you real quick and you can watch it .
It's only like 30 seconds or something . They actually asked one of Alph's producers about this video when it's emerged online and basically the producer kind of went on a rant of being like people are too sensitive nowadays , get off your high horse , deal with it . So yeah , there you go , alph , racist , unlikely pervert ?
probably , yeah , I'll give you that Unlikely . Because , again , if he's directly referencing something that happened on another show that's about to happen around that same time , okay , you know , it's off-color , probably is it cool , maybe not , but it's not . He wasn't necessarily being racist .
Yeah , no , I don't think so either .
And again it was the .
That taste maybe , but it also is also the 80s .
It was the . Yeah , I was just about to say that in the end it doesn't . I don't know . I was like here you go .
Stage hands were probably saying worse things all the time on that set . Absolutely , absolutely . 2012, . Fusco announces he's shopping in Alph Movie to studios . Later that year , sony announces they've purchased the rights to make a live-action CGI Alph Hybrid movie . Nothing has been heard about that since then . I presume it's stuck in development hell .
2018 , warner Bros TV announces an Alph reboot , with Alph being back on Earth with an all-new family . Later that year , that project was announced dead .
Because they found the Edward . Thing .
Possibly , possibly , we gotta let this die down for a moment . 2020 , the Alph show is upgraded from dead to in development on HBO Max . Still haven't actually heard anything about it , though , so maybe HBO Max will eventually have an Alph series . 2022 , an all-Alph , all-the-time streaming channel appears on Amazon Free V .
It is released as part of a package of channels that are dedicated to just showing individual shows , like Kids in the Hall , deal or no Deal , prices Right , divorce Court and Unsolved Mysteries . So , yeah , there's a few channels that just show all those shows on loops and just that show too .
You know , it's literally just that one show on a loop around the clock .
Oh , dude , that would be . I mean , I don't know if you need some in the background , but that's a lot .
It seems like something that you would torture somebody with . You just strap them to a chair and you just put on Divorce Court for 24 hours a day and you just force them to watch it .
Wanna break the Geneva Convention .
Yeah , yeah , right .
Like that , that's the number one watch that . Like oh , we keep on playing this , but the only consistent watcher is Guantanamo Bay .
That's where all the streaming is going to . Yeah , that's like most of our viewers are there . Yeah , you can watch the Alph Channel on Sling TV if you have it . So there you go . Sling TV user . You can watch Alph 24 hours a day if you would like . I don't believe . I , no , I don't , because we don't have cable .
So , yeah , Sling TV is like internet streaming stuff . Oh well then , yeah , I don't have it . 2023, . Ryan Reynolds , of all people , says he's teaming up with Paul Fusco and bringing Alph back into the spotlight for his maximum effort channel . Apparently , Ryan Reynolds has his own channel and production company called Maximum Effort . Did not know that until this .
I don't know it makes sense , that's kind of his thing . But yeah , oh , maxim Effort that's . You know , he says that in Deadpool and it's kind of like his oh yeah , okay , that saying is his thing , not running for studios . No , no , no , no , no , no . Well , I mean , but also he's done . Let's see Ryan Reynolds .
He owns like a vodka , Like a vodka oh , vodka , it's a gin , Aviator Gin . He has a gin and then he owns a soccer team or a football team . You know , I could see him doing that too . You know , he just seems to be kind of like doing all sorts of things . He's got to do something with all that money he has Good on him .
You know , if he's wanting to invest his time and energy and money into it , Okay , cool , whatever , I'm not going to fault him for that .
This Ryan Reynolds Alph project sounds exciting , but it actually just turned out to be a bunch of commercials of Alph selling stuff like Mint , mobile , hymns and other such Things like that . Yes , ryan Reynolds pulled Alph from retirement just to have him sell cheap cell phone plans and boner pills to people .
On that note , I learned that Ryan Reynolds was also planning on bringing back biker mice from Mars sometimes in the future . So there you go on that . Maybe I could buy biker mice from Mars . I mean , I've heard of it , I've never watched it . I don't think I ever really watched it either .
It's just one of those shows that's kind of generic , like Cowboys of Moomesa and the such Teenage Mutant , ninja , turtles , knockoffs , anthropomorphic Fighting Critters sort of shows , right , anyways , that's where we stand now .
Ryan Reynolds has Alph chained up in the studio basement forcing him to sell products , and who really knows what the future holds for Alph if he escapes that situation ? Got to have to just wait and see , I guess . So , nate , did you learn anything about Alph ?
Actually , yeah , I learned to consider thinking about Alph . I mean I forgot a lot about him . I guess I remember hearing some stuff about how the dad hated it I just didn't realize how much and Fervor'd Passion he hated it , yes , and I definitely didn't know about the inward thing I mean .
But overall , yeah , I mean it's honestly kind of fleshed out Some of the stuff I knew , some of the stuff I knew but forgot . But yeah , I mean it was definitely . I learned a lot about Alph today , yay .
Alph , Learning about Alph Always good times . So now you know the story of Alph and now we're all done here . I suppose , I guess , yeah , I suppose Next week we're going to do the great Antonio the strong man . That should be interesting and fun .
Yeah , I've never heard of him outside of you .
Yeah , neither have I outside of me . So there you go , All you listening . You have yourself a wonderful day , and this has been off to off topic . Talk to you later . Bye .