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Previously on Of Mice and Men and Monsters. Remember, follow the yellow brick road. It's my fault that Robin is dead. This stupid ring, I think it called them in. And he looks at it and just throws it down onto the ground. Do I have to be happy and give him a hug right now? He has to prove some things. I'm here. I care. He threw the ring down. Oh, good. I'm glad he threw the ring down.
Let him take a couple steps in the right direction and then maybe I'll get cuddly Last time I saw you guys it was it was really weird I was a post mages but then the whole thing with that Macbeth Villa and then I'm with munchkin munchies now. They're great We drop these off and then I'll get you in the hot air balloon. And she gives a really weak thumbs up. She takes in her surroundings and then looks at the grave one more time. Robin is.
As she breathes down and looks at Mildred and said, take us to your balloon. Mildred, our beloved Dragonborn, who you first met with Postmages, now working for maybe Upgrade. I don't know how you guys look at it, but... now working for Munchkin Munchies, has offered you a ride in her hot air balloon. And all you need to do is to make it to said hot air balloon. So before you head off, you look over and Millie is preparing the packs, looking wistfully over your well-prepared...
tomb, your well-prepared grave site for Robin, and then looking at the three of you in turn, she heaves a heavy sigh. Look, I... I don't know how much help I'm going to be, but I'm going to do my damnedest. I'm not used to being on land this long. It has been a while. That near-death experience is honestly the closest I've been to something that bad in a while. In fact, it's since I was last with you guys when we were...
And that all turned out all right. We're here. We all survived. Another mentor died. My captain died. I don't know. I'm getting these weird flashbacks and I'm trying. I just want you guys to know I'm going to... Give it my all. I know you three are usually the heroes that are bringing home all the stuff and doing the big stuff, doing the big asks that Robin and Marion did. I just...
I want you to know I'm going to try. And she gives you a very weak smile, but you see just a dull fear in her eyes. Remember what Herman always used to say, all right, just jump in, hang on, and look for the pickled sausages anywhere you go. He did. He did say that. Right after, then he would berate me for not wiping the correct way after I used the bathroom. So, for sure. Yep, he was full of helpful advice.
Just really hold on to that. By the way, are you three good? Are we back to normal? We don't need to talk. We probably don't need to talk about that. Maybe. Penny, right? It's a work in progress. Yeah, we're on the road together. Aren't we all a work in progress? Penny is just staring off into the distance, not really listening. Looking towards the balloon.
Millie sees this and catches that out of the corner of her eye and looks back at you, Eamon. Sure. We're all good. Okay. And you hear Mildred's cough behind. you know, the four of you. Okay, I dropped off the bagels with Uncle Henry and Toto, who was a dog, but he still ate them. And... As you can see over the trees, there's my balloon. So promise made, promise kept. And she looks at you again, Eowyn. And keep your clothes on, please, while you're on board.
And let's go. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Before we go, I think there's an urgent matter that we need to solve here. Okay. We have a Millie and a Mildred. I'm sorry, it just will not do. What's your middle name? What is your middle name? What is your last name, Mildred? Or can we call you Dread? Or Dread Dragon? I don't know. But we need something besides Millie and Mildred. Mildred N. Last name's Smith. I mean, it's just a bunch of people. What about number two?
Durdlim. Is that your name backwards? Durdlim. Durdlim. We can call you whatever you want. Do you want to be called anything? Just literally any other name. Blue Dragon. I don't know. I'm not good about coming up with names. Rebecca. Do you not like my name, Mildred? No, we do not. Is there something wrong with that? Listen, we don't like namespace conflicts right here. I don't like the name. Okay. In the heat of the battle. Millie's coming. Mildred's coming. We don't know who's coming.
Oh, look, I have a feeling I'm not going to be around you guys too long. So maybe that's not going to be an issue. Mildred, trust me. If I play my cards right, our time together is going to be very short. Mildred, trust me. If there's anything that the three of us know and are bonded by, it is our names, oddly. And the meaning of, we know the meaning of a name and the power that it carries.
Please, Mildred, work with us. I'm planning on this being a lasting friendship. I'm just going to call you Fuzzy Bones. Fuzzy Bones it is. You know what? I like that, actually, because I've never had a nickname before. Fuzzy Bones is kind of similar to Fezziwigs, but okay. Well, listen. We cannot think of it. I made a mistake, but we're going to sit in that for a while. That's my fault again. I'm just going to call you Dread for now. I'm so sorry. Dread. Dread bones? Dread bones. All right. So.
So one of us is calling her Fuzzy. The other is calling her Dredd. My idea of making this less complicated is making it more complicated. Mildred, what is your favorite flower? Oh, I rather like orchids. Orchid, come with us. Lead to the balloon. That's a leader right there. That's true. Penny looks at Bertram. And knows he's sucking up. But she'll accept it. She'll take it. She still appreciates it. She'll take it when she can get it. You know what I mean? Orkin. Chop, chop. Let's go.
Mm-hmm. Okay. Looking at you just warily, she starts to slowly... March forward, much less confident than she had started off with you guys casting a wary glance over her shoulder at you. We have that effect on people. The inspiration.
And you can see as you're just going into this slightly denser part of the forest, you do see the top, over the tops of the trees, this hotter balloon does peek out. And you get... closer and closer you see the trees begin to thin and ahead in this copse you see where she has parked her her balloon emblazoned on the side of it just in these garish colors you see you know, the munchkin munchies and then the trademark on the side for it. Go ahead and all of you, please roll survival or nature.
I'll give you a choice. I really wish my nature was better. Seven. As a druid, it seems pretty weird. I feel so shitty. I'm like, well... I guess I am the urban. You're a circle of it. Yeah, you're the circle of civilization. My nature got a 14. Oh boy. Seven. I got a 16. Oh, I gotta roll for... I forgot. I'm also rolling with you guys. Alright. You got Orchid. Rollin', rollin', rollin'. I know, I got a few of them. Millie. Yep. Awin.
As you are progressing, you see Mildred, fuzzy bones, dread, orchid, start to pick up her pace as she sees, you know, the outline, the... looming figure of this hot air balloon. And you start to fall a step behind her until you hear the crack of what you know to be a heavy paw on thick underbrush to your left. swiveling your head you see four crouching large figures. From this vantage point they're still in the more shaded area.
of the trees of the forest but it looks weirdly like the outline of creatures that resemble a bear but also tiger. It's like your mind is playing tricks on you. And all four of them are crouched down in the position, ready and coiled to spring. They don't seem to notice you looking at them. Their eyes are fixed on Mildred. Orkin? Only A-Win can respond to this because he's the only one who sees it. Yeah, I shout... Fuzzy! I mean, Orchid! Orchid! Hey! Hey! Hey!
Stop. Stop. What? What? Look on your six. Okay, look. On your three. On the nine. Look to your left. What? And she's just spinning around in a circle, looking around. Right there. And I point with my staff at these creatures. Looking around, you see her eyes just go wide. She's like, oh, God, okay, everybody. How do I say this? Very quietly. Just run, but don't run. Those things. Ever since we've had this influx of your...
best friends in here. These creatures have been popping up. They're these, like, tiger bears. They're really bad. Okay? We've got, I don't know how many seconds, but figure out how you're going to get over... There, and she points to the hot air balloon before they figure out they're not that smart, but they are really bad. If they see us running, they'll spring. So how do you guys want to try to get to this, to your mode of transportation before these four creatures?
Pick up on the fact that you are fleeing. I want to cast Pass Without Trace on the group. Okay. So that's a plus 10 to stealth, which is like... 800 for Kimmy. Okay. And just stealthily walk through towards the balloon. Great. Now, I'm going to say for Mildred, since you had seen them already eyeing her, she's going to have to still roll this with disadvantage. Okay, sick.
They were yeah, she was already drawing their attention, but the rest of you yes just add so you'll get to add a Plus 10 bonus to your stealth check 25. 23. 72. Wow. I critted. One? Wait. I got a one. Oh. I guess a one is a one. The only one who just critted. Oh, no. Or did Mildred? Mildred critted. Orchid. No, Mildred crit missed. So she rolled a one. Orchid did? Let me see how the other two do.
Or Millie. Orchid. God damn it. Orchid slash Dredd slash Mildred slash Orchid. Fuzzy. You mean Shammu? Fuzzy Bones Jones. Slash Hey You. So even as you cast this spell, that's basically this penumbra of a bit of silence and shadow. It completely blankets all of you. But even within that bonus to your sneaking. I'm going to say both Mildred, who just is warily looking over just wild eyes askance in their direction, unable to play it cool.
takes a couple steps forward, and then in fear, takes one back and steps directly onto Penny's foot. And in her fear, she yelps out loud and starts to run. seeing her kind of emerge that these four creatures pounce as one out of the shadows toward her all right so I'm going to invite before we do anything, I would invite all of you to roll perception for me.
One thing I'm good at. See if you can get any intel on these creatures before we commence anything for her. I look so hard at these. You look so hard at them. So hard. Two. Two. Two. We had to get it sometime. I have no idea what's happening right now. He's running in the dark. That's cute. Awed, you've heard tell of these things. You've actually seen these...
in pictures and stories that would have been told at your old circle. You recognize these creatures, although it's still unreal to see them in person. You recognize them as Kalidas. They are bear. tiger creatures, these large beasts with strong smells, the abilities to pounce like you've never heard of. Really, they're known for living in dark forests, but they had never been identified in person by your circle. And so it's both titillating and terrifying at the same time to see them in person.
being with the body of a bear and the head of a tiger so that's what you're noticing Kimmy You don't really have too much time to revel in their appearance, and you have no idea what the fuck these things are. I'm too busy reveling in the usage of the word titillating. Ooh, titillating. This is a family show, Caitlin. We late the titties. Okay, we... Penny, you do latch on to one detail, though. As they're leaping midair...
You notice that all four of them are wearing collars and these collars you see are large enough that On the emblem hanging from the center of each neck, you see the spotted hand insignia. Because Eowyn and Bertram are still hidden, before I say to roll initiative or anything else of that sort, I'm giving both of you a free action since you are hidden.
from their sight. Like a free turn? Whatever you do, though, it needs to be like a knee-jerk reaction. It needs to be a quick one. Can you describe, real quick, just so I have a lay of the land, a visual person. So the balloon... Hot air balloon is about 50 feet from us in front of us. It's about 40 feet away. So it's 40 feet away. And then off to the right, like beside it, almost like.
It's clearing and then like off to the right there's like a line of the there's like are they all bunched together or how they space they are they are Pouncing is one. So if the If the hotter balloon is is at your midnight, right? Just 12 o'clock straight ahead then they would be closer to two o'clock where they're pouncing from in the dark foliage. Yeah, pouncing out as one. Mildred is just directly ahead of you, perhaps 20 feet.
So she's halfway between you and this balloon. Aaron, were you saying something? Were you saying your action? Yeah, sorry. As soon as I see them start to, or like, wait, do I, do I? Notice that they notice the failed rollers? I mean, you can't help it. They're midair pouncing toward Mildred, who's running away. I cast Toll of the Dead. Ooh.
Wait, I was going to say, I know you guys have the extra move. Do I need to wait for them to do their moves? I had an idea. Since you failed your stealth, then I'm not giving you the free. You got stepped on. I got stepped on. I'm going to blame the victim here. I'm going to roll Toll the Dead, and that's a acromatic spell. Explain. Toll the Dead is... Let's see. I point at a creature that I can see, and a...
Delorious bell fills the air with around it for a moment. It has to succeed on a wisdom save or take a 3d8 necrotic damage. Ooh. Ooh, okay. So you're going to do this for one of the Kalitas? Yes. You got it. I'll just say Kalita number one. It's easier for this one. And it needs to do a wisdom saving throw. Yeah, 15 DC.
It crit missed. This dice is loving me tonight. Amazing. I'm going to say with that too, I was about to say since it crit missed too, add an extra d6 on top of your damage. Sweet. That's a six. Oh. Oh, yes. Okay, so total damage is? Did you say 25? Oh, yeah, 25, 25. 25 damage. Okay. Damn, son. That's awesome. And then for me, seeing that, I would...
make a swooping motion with my wrist, kind of like drawing a line almost, and erupting from the ground would be a wall of fire. It goes like, and it starts like going towards them. And I want to trace a line between them and the hot air balloon. A fire line. Okay. Yeah, fire line. Yeah, how long is it able to go? What's the length of your fall? 60 feet. Great, yeah, that covers it completely. Let's go. That's 20 feet high, 20 feet. They're midair.
Right there. They're jumping. So it's not as if they can. Swerve out of this. So what do we need to do? We need to make a dexterity saving throw with this wallifier. I'm not trying to hit them with it. I'm just trying to. No, no, no. But you're putting it in front of them. Yeah. Yeah. Drop it in front of them. Exactly. But they're going to be close enough to this. Get the heat. Yeah.
They're still going to need to make the dexterity saving throw for this wall of fire. Okay. So they need to make a dex save, and the spell save is 17. 17? Okay. It might be more, but I haven't added. I forgot to add my charisma bonuses. All right. Kalita, number one. Is it Kalita? Saves.
Kalita. This is what, yeah, this is taken from, yeah, this is taken from the source material. These guys didn't make it into the film, but they are actually an important part of the book. Yeah, this is what they are. I didn't know that. Oh, nice. And they are bear, tiger creatures. I know lions and tigers and bears. Oh, my. Exactly. Yeah. So that's kind of an homage to that. So, yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah. They're bear tigers. Yeah.
So they have the head of a tiger and the body of a bear. Where does the lion fit in? Oh, well, there's a line in the book about these Kalitas that, I forget what it was, but it's just like they... Their claws are long and sharp and they can tear a line in two. So I don't. They threw it in probably. Yeah. They also have like their own king. It's a wild story to read. It was fun picking out stuff from it and be like, I'm not going to fit all of this in. That's wild. Yeah. Yeah. Okay.
Okay, let's do some... Sorry, I've got to roll these dexterity saving throws. So first one saves. Second one saves. That's a 19. They've got strong decks. Number three does not save. I don't know if you already have the one who's getting told of the dead right now. I know you do feel that way. He's getting told. He got told. Okay.
You got told. Only Kalita number three is going to fail. Jeez. So let's do some damage. I rolled it already. It was 19 fire damage. So half that. For the others. Okay. So let's just say 10 damage. For the others. Let me roll a wild magic surge. What's my number at right now? Is that two or three? I got to get a two, three, four. So I got to get a five or above. Yeah, it's a seven.
Excellent. Now we're moving on up to six. Now, my dear ones, this is where I say roll initiative. Here we go. All right. Penny got what? 22? 22. 22? Okay, A1? I also got 22. I got a nat 20. But you got a nat 20, though. Okay, Penny, though, you did not get a nat 20? No. Okay, I'm going to give this to A1 to go before you, then. Bertram? Man. I thought I was proud of my 18, but I got two hot rollers over here. Okay. Millie got a two.
Mildred got 17. Orchid. Caitlin. Have you taken a note about the name change? You're real sad on this. You guys are just so sold on that. Okay. Now she's going to be a running joke that I'm going to be changing her name all the time. She has no say. You know those people who have the stories like, my dog's name is Bob. The first name was like Alexander. And then it became Alex. And then it became like Alex the Great. And then it became, you know, how the names just like change over time. Yeah.
Aewyn, you are first up. You have just yourself cast toll the dead, as well as seeing Bertram just extend forward with this wall of fire that... falls directly between their intended prey, who was Orchid Mildred. I'm personally a fan of Fuzzy Bones. Fuzzy Bones Jones. FBJ. And as well as blocking them from making it too.
You listening at home, tell us what we should name Mildred. There should be a Patreon special every week you rename Mildred. That actually is a great idea. Patreon special, if you're part of the Oh Man Man fam, you get to rename Mildred. OG Mildred. Every, every week. New name. Brilliant idea. Brilliant idea. Love it. Yeah. All right. A win. What do you do? So a reminder for you, Eowyn, I think wherever you are, there might be a line obscuring your vision of...
seeing them. I don't know. You see them on the other side of the wall of fire. Yeah, definitely the wall of fire extending forward. You are not on the same side as them. So it's not a ring of fire. Right. It's just a wall. It's a wall. It's a line of fire. It's not a burning ring. It's a line of fire. Yeah. All right. All right. So I. You're trying not to sing. I'm not. I'm not. So I.
So Aewyn initially puts his hand out and is going to cast an Eldritch Blast from his warlock, is packed with the weird sisters. But then he looks at Penny. And he looks at the ring that he has on the finder ring. And then he just puts his hands to his chest and then just casts Moonbeam instead. And just blasts me and beam towards where the, uh, the, uh, the, the, the, the doors or whatever they're called. The, the owl bear tiger monkeys.
The Kalidas are hanging out on the other side of the fire, just blasting them with the old moonbeam. So that's going to be a con save. DC 15 or 2d10 of this here damage. And you said you looked right at Penny when you did this immediately? Yeah, I think like... He was gonna just blast them with this newly found power. And he's like, fuck, this is hurting my friends. This hurt my friends. This has hurt my relationship with Penny. I don't want that. And I don't want that to be a reminder.
you know, this new power that he has. He doesn't want to use it. He wants to just, like, make things right. All right, Kalita's one and two are going to fail. Cleaners three and four are going to save. Nine damage. The moonbeam got all four of them. It's only a five foot wide thing, right? Or it's a... Where they are for this first round, they're like in pack formation. So they are immediately around one another. So, yeah. Damn. That was very generous by the DM. Pinball.
Yeah. All right. So what damage are we looking at? It's nine for the main, four for the half. Okay. I think, right, we round down. Mm-hmm. Kalita number one, you see like this, it just like the beam hit that one the most and it is just collapses down and is barely moving. Just kind of like shakily gets up, snarling. In a wordless rage. As much a beast could do. I yell, taste my lightning. Penny, you see, you just saw Aewyn.
Make a familiar gesture that you had come to inwardly grimace at over the past month. And then quickly remembering himself pulling back and casting an oldie but goodie. You also catch him glancing your way. What do you do? Penny kind of lightly rolls her eyes just out of like a knee-jerk reaction. But she noticed. She noticed he tried to do the right thing. Picking it up. Tried being the operative word. So Penny then is going to pull both daggers into her hand.
And then she is going to change. And she is going to take on the likeness of Alex Duberville. Oh, yeah. Good old Alex Duberville. Okay. What was his voice? Was he stuffy British? Was he something else? What was he? He wasn't exactly stuffy British. It was more transatlantic. Sounded transatlantic. Yes, kind of. I think. Yes. Boy, guys, this is going to be bad. The worst, the better. My favorite thing. Yes. Penny.
turns into Alec Duberville and then steps forward basically to look at all of these Kalidas. So you're going around the fire? No, I'm not going around. She's stepping up to the fire. There's still the line in between her and them, but they should see her. She should see them, right? It says, you play it how you want to play it, Kate, but the...
Rule of the law says that it's an opaque wall. So I don't know if that means... You know how I feel about the rule of the law. Okay, cool. If you're seeing them through the fluttering of the fire, then for sure. I'm not a raw DM at all. Let the record show I'm basing this off what she said earlier about the wall. True, true, true, true, true. This is me going rogue again. Penny.
is uh walks up to the wall to the the wall of flames she's able to see that makes eye contact and she goes gentlemen gentlemen thank you appreciating your service but as you can see Your work here is done. I will handle this. You are released. Return. And tries to send off the Kalitas. Roll? I'll give you a performance or deception. A natural 20. Okay. Kalita number three. Snapping the air.
But looking at you, it bows its head in obeisance and kind of slinks away. Furtively looking at the other three Kalitas with as much of a look of... confusion on its face it can muster that you could on the face of a tiger but slinks away hissing in a southeasterly direction. Okay. So Kalita three is gone. Okay. So there's one is bloodied. Two are around. One is there. One is gone. Got it.
Kleena number one, the one that has taken the brunt of the damage here, shakes its head and looking at you, lowers its head, bears its fangs in a defiant manner. as much as you would understand without it using any language. And looking at the others, it opens its jaw almost like unhinging in a wider... Stance that you can even imagine for any mammal. And you hear this loud bang come out. And...
What you're able to see, since you've seen this before, Awen, you recognize this as an eldritch cannon. Gun mouth. That's what we called it. It's mouth at the sound of that loud... Bang. That's Mildred's new name. What's up, Gunmouth? Gunmouth. Sorry, Kate. At the sound of that loud bang, these open moths are not facing your direction anymore. In fact, it is... facing his comrades. And as this bang erupts from the mouth, a white sparkling energy surrounds them and they all stand a little higher.
Go ahead and roll. I invite any of you to roll Arcana if you want to understand what's happening. If not, I'll keep narrating and giving you hints. Okay. 17. Critted. No, Penny is confused. I critted and I have a plus six, so fuck me. Yeah, the two of you have never seen this before. You, however, especially under your tutelage with your interest in the... Kind of more this circle of civilization, perhaps tinkering a little bit with Friar Tuck.
You recognize this. This is one that he had shown you to start how he was working on making. This eldritch cannon is a protector cannon, and it's not meant to do damage. It heals. And so you recognize that these remaining Kalitas, including the one who shot from its mouth, have now healed. Friends, half-orcs, countrymen, lend me your pointy ears. Hey guys, it's me, Kate, your master teacher here at the break to say hey.
Hope you guys are having a wonderful, what I consider to be Raven's Week. In real world, real life, the week of Halloween in my heart is also just Raven's Week, the equivalent thereof for Omamam. So happy Raven's week, everybody. With that, I just wanted to come on here real quick to invite you to a couple things. First, I'd love to invite you to join the O'MamM fam, to join our Patreon. On there, you get some cool...
Perks like the after show, ad-free listening. You get a book club with me and Kimmy and Aaron. You even get to just chat with us on the reg on our Discord. So anyways, that's one thing I'd like to invite you to do. And if not that, if you're like, not me, or even better, ooh, already there, then I'd love to give you a chance then to support us in a different way. If you can, if you're able to just...
Pause this in a moment and go wherever you're listening to this podcast and give us a rating and perhaps even a review of a couple sentences long. Just telling others what you're enjoying about the show so that they can be persuaded to. join you on this road down the literary adventures that we're giving you then that would be wonderful give some love to an indie show and we'll send our love right back at you and of course if you leave us a review I will read your words right here
hear at the mid-show, at the break, so that you can hear it echoed back and have others hear along with you your wonderful prose. So, with that... That's enough of me right now. Let's get back to the show, shall we? heal them all up for a little bit. This is great. That's cool. Okay. Kalita's two and four are looking brand new, better than brand new.
Cleta 1 is still looking worse for wear, but no longer bloodied. Cleta 2 now. Hold on. I was waiting for you to end their turn. It sounded like they didn't move, and if they're within 10 feet of the wall, they're getting blasted again. Oh, for Kalina 1. And the movie. And the movie. Oh, that's right. Yeah, I will say like, once again. It did not move out of any range. Yeah, they didn't move out of it. I'm going to say, yeah, because this is a bit of like a legendary action they have. And so.
I would say that's a cost of being able to cast it. Meaning, as a cannon, it cannot move. I'm not letting it move. The others can. But Kalita 1, yes. Kalita 1 will. take some so we'll have to do some first deck save for the wall and a con save for the moon good lord above okay deck save first Will a 10 make it? No. So that's 19 fire damage. 19. Okay. And then let's do this con save. That's so good. Will five save? No.
That's right. Let's get him, Ewin. That's right. Blasting that. Blasting that. Gun mouth. All right. Yeah, fucking gun mouth. 11 damage to gun mouth. Gun mouth. Okay. Yeah, this guy's looking really bad. It's like he looked so good for a second and then like right back to where he was before. He forgot to move out of the space. All right. Kalita number two.
is going to rear back and understanding that I'm still going to have to do some saves here. It's going to jump through this wall of fire, my guys. Okay. It's just this large tiger bear is going to jump through this wall of fire. Cool. That's really going to help Millie's nightmares.
So what kind of saves do I need to make? Do I still need to do all those saves again because it's exiting? Just for me. I'm not sure about A1. Save for mine if they start their turn there. Come on. No whammies. Mine's if they end their turn. No whammies. I felt so clever about my move and you guys are just demolishing with yours. 15 decks. You got rid of one. You got rid of one instantly. If they're jumping over, they're not going to end their turn there, right?
Or they're jumping over. No, but it's jumping through that fire. Or if they pass through it. Oh, I see. Right, right, right. So if they just would have backed away 10 feet, they wouldn't have got anything, but they chose to pass through it. So that's 15 dex. Does not beat it, and so it's 24 fire damage. All right. And then Moonbeam 2, right? Yep. Oh, thank God. All right. 20. Dirty 20. Okay.
So six damage. Six damage, okay. Great. So that was just its movement, right? It's just its movement, kiddos. Now it's time for it to multi-attack. Oh, no. First, it's going to come for you, Penny. So it's going to pounce towards you and it's going to try and bite down. So let's see if that does that. 18 to hit. Yes. Okay. Unless I've messed up my numbers. I have a 15 armor class. Yes. All right. So we got 13 piercing damage for you. 13, you said?
I said 13, my dear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I said. I said. And then he's going to swipe with his claws at Millie. No. Yes. Not Orchid, right? Oh, no. Yes, indeed. It's a nat 20. It's a nat 20, my guys. Okay. No. It's a great day off. There's no death saves for NPCs. That's 28 slashing damage for our beloved Millie. Dude, there's no way. She's like level one, isn't she? She's not a... No, she's level... I've leveled her up with you guys. Okay, I didn't know if she was just like...
She's just been fucking around with Herman the whole time. Level two. All her things that she's doing on the side. basketball well after her speech about being scared about doing anything i assume she was just like i mean she yeah she's not like the same as you guys she's not your level she's not at the same level as you but she's not level one she's
Oh, no. Okay. Yeah, this slashes her. And she is now. She's bloodied. Yeah. This lady is bloodied. That closes that. So, Bertram, you just saw Millie. Well, first you saw Penny get bitten. And that looks bad enough. But then you saw this downward swipe with this huge paw, these razor sharp talons, and they just tear through Millie and she just screams in pain. What do you do?
Okay, I'm just going to go, I'm just going to hurl a fireball, I guess, at the three that are still together. And seeing... So much fire. Seeing how much, and luckily it's not concentration, seeing how powerful they are, I need to wipe these guys out. So while they're clustered together, I'm going to cast it at a fifth level. Oh my god.
So this is going to be... Aaron, can you help me out? Yeah, got you. Meth. Aren't we near a field of wheat? Burn, baby, burn. Not right now, but you are in the midst of a forest. Okay. I'm ready. I'm going to roll 10d6. Okay. So, three, two, two, five, four, two, six, five, three, and one. I think that was... 33. 10. I'm going to blast those three that are together. There's only two. There's two together. Okay. Describe what it's like for Kalita number one.
To meet its demise. Yeah, as it's engulfed in the fire, it just slowly goes up the fur. as it climbs up the fur as it's like its head looks up to like scream as that like singes. Kind of the fire slowly just kind of grows over like their body until they turn to ash. Okay. And I'm going to roll a Wild Magic Surge. That's 14, so I'm good. Alright, now we're up to 7, is it? I'm going to run over...
Two to six, I'm sorry. Two to six is what will trigger it if I get a two, three, four, five, or six. I'm going to run over next to Millie. I want to try and flank this other creature. to try and give us advantage against it. Right. And I'll stop there. Mildred, her eyes alight with fright, is going to... continue to try and run forward towards this hot air balloon to ready and undo the rigging and kind of release the mooring.
So first she's going to get out of range, so she's going to take an opportunity attack from Kalita number two, who's right within melee range of her. uh but kalita number two is going to miss so she is going to make it uh to all the way to it and so you're going to see her like start to to prepare it so um with her her whole action she has it 25 percent
Like at the end of her run, she's going to have it like 25%, like finished, ready to go. Okay. Kalita number four, who's still on the other side of this wall, is going to jump through. So once again it's going to have to make this double check here. Okay that is an 18 plus 3 so 21 dex save. So that's going to take half damage from the wall of fire. Okay, so that's going to be 12 fire damage. Okay. And then for the con, it's a nat 20.
So that's seven. Yeah, it's looking bad. It's not looking good, but it's still able to make his way through. It is going to, this one has not shot its healing cannon yet, so it's going to do that now. So it's going to heal itself and Kalita number two. So let me, yeah, each of them gets one. Gets one of these as a legendary action. Very frustrating. Healing, any kind of mobs that heal are just really, really tough. Yeah. Okay. That takes us to Millie, who is just like bleeding out. You see...
You see Ishmael on her shoulder and kind of lay his little forked hands on her, kind of just like near her clavicle. And this warming light tends to go through there and her eyes look so much clearer as she stands up straighter. Penny immediately wonders how she could teach Fezziwig to do that. And she's going to point at Kalita, number two, the one that struck at her, and she's going to cast Banishment.
Ooh. That sends them to the astral plane, right? Yeah, so you attempt to send one creature that you can see within range to another plane of existence. So it has to succeed on a charisma saving throw or be... damn that's um so basically it's gonna be yeah so let's do this it succeeds this is a very charismatic Feline. Also, this is amazing how many Nat 20s I'm getting tonight, you guys. Everybody. Do, do, do, do, do, do. So yeah, you see it like.
the full force of her spell like hits it square in the head and it flinches and bears down and you see it grip the ground growling and the figure of this this cat kind of flickers in and out. of existence, almost like it's blurring and then solidifies once more as it relaxes and looks defiantly in your direction. Okay. It's going to take us back to the top of our order. So, Eowyn, you're up. Penny is on deck. Eowyn, you just saw Millie, for the first time, cast a higher level of magic.
even though it fails for the first time this whole trip to now what you know as Oz, you see some defiance, you see some verve in her demeanor. I love to see the word. But you still have two large-ass monsters to take care of. Mm-hmm. So I point my moonbeam at them, and I just continue to concentrate on that spell. I'd like to blast.
They're probably not in line. Now, Kalita's two and four are further... Yeah, they're no longer in line. So which one would you like to focus in on? I'm going to go for the one who just casted their healing spell. I'm pretty pissed. Cleta four. Okay. And that's great because it's the furthest away from everybody. So it is, you don't have to worry about any kind of friendly fire there. Yeah. Awesome. Okay. All right. So that's going to be con save. Yep.
Yay, 18. All right, that succeeds. So it is half of 13, which is like six. Seven, yeah, we'll round up. It's bloodied. This boy is bloodied. Bloody boy. Penny, one of the Kalitas is right in your face. It almost was sent to another plane of existence, but has stayed. And then the second Cleta that remains is in the midst of a large-ass moonbeam. I'm of two minds. I'll use both. Penny still looks like Alec. Takes her. Takes her two daggers, which he has had in hand.
um and then it's right in front of me so i can use i does that mean i can just sneak attack basically or no because it's right in front of me there's no sneak you currently you can because it is flanked between you and bertram all right then i'm gonna use sneak attack uh and i'm with my two daggers and basically just try to absolutely slash this thing
And as Alec Duberville, she is going to use speak with animals and basically go, bad kitty, I told you to leave. Do as you're told. And then, yeah, sneak it back. Okay. Now, typically, you wouldn't be able to cast this spell and attack at the same time. I wasn't sure because it doesn't use a spell slot. I thought I could just do it. Oh, for your ability? Is this something?
Something special that you... No, no, no. To attack, that's an action, but I'm talking about casting speak with animals. It's not a spell slot.
It's not a spell slot. That's what I have written down. But I could be classically misunderstanding how it works. No, that's great. So it's not going to use up a spell slot for you, which is great. That means you can... you know not expend your ability once during well uh once per long rest and i haven't used it in this one so it's still considered an action though so okay so maybe i'm gonna say like in the heat of battle
you have to choose either to attack or to speak with them. However, if it doesn't take up a spell slot... that's great for overall amounts of spells that you can cast. Great. Then, okay, so I can't do it. So she'll just say that in English and it doesn't use the magic. Okay. Or common. She'll just say that in common. Great. Let's do some attacks. Let's... Swipe with those daggers. Right. Always clicking the wrong. Make sure it's with advantage. Yeah, and it's 1d6 piercing.
Right, let's see if you hit first. Yeah, exactly. Ooh, I crit it on one. Like crit miss? Yeah, crit miss. But I got 14 on another one. Okay, so that's your first attack, right? Because that was with advantage. Okay. That hits. And then 19 on the second one. That hits. Great. Let's do some damage. Okay. All right, it's the 1d6 piercing plus I have a 4d6 for sneak attack. Is that per dagger too? Or is the 4d6 on top of the two daggers?
I thought it was just one of them that is a, oh my God. How many times have I played Rogue and I still do not? It's so hard for me to remember. We play just infrequently enough where I remember nothing every time. It's so maddening to me. Yeah, it's just one of your attacks. Yeah, you choose one of the attacks. You add it on there. All right, so I do one D6. I got a three. And then I got a two. And then I just do four more D6s.
Yeah. Yeah. So are you tracking these numbers? Aaron. Aaron, you're the number guy. I just don't want to start doing it. You're fine. Three and then two. And then three. Two. Two. Three. Fifteen. All right. Are you attacking the one you're right next to, correct? Yes. Okay. Great. You just swipe in just like straight across and you can tell the wound is deep and it yowls in pain. It is not looking good. That is why you should obey what you are told. Cleaning number two is going to use its...
Legendary Action and therefore the last one because, you know, Cleta... One would cast it, cleat a four, cast it, cleat a three is off the scene. So we got one more of these legendary actions healing Eldritch Cannons to blast out. So it's not going to move from its position and it's going to heal it and its compatriot. For 12 more points, I'll give you that. Damn. Okay. Bertram, you just saw it take damage and then heal almost just as much. The wounds.
Seal closed. What do you do? Is... What's the chameleon's name? Ish. Ishmael. Are we counting Ishmael as... It's a creature, right? It's not like a bonus buddy, right? It's a familiar... And it is with Millie. And so typically what they will do is it will it just has it goes in the order with Millie. And most of the time what I will do is just some form of help action or a support role.
But Ishmael is not off on his own, running around, casting spells or attacking all by his onesies. He's just there on her shoulder the entire time. So I reach out my hand and the air begins to, as it says in the notes of the spell, quiver. The air begins to quiver. And I'm attempting to cast Scatter. where I'm going to try and move people. Okay. And I'm moving three friends. I don't know if they want to save against doing it, but here's what I want to try and do. I want to try and move...
Penny, uh, Millie, and Orchid to, I want to move three of them to the hot air balloon. Orchid is already at the hot air balloon and she has it 25% ready to go. Then I'll move Aewyn then also. I'll move Aewyn to the hot air balloon and I want to send the other two creatures. back behind the wall, 120 feet. Okay. So they have to make a wisdom saving throw. I was about to say, if they want to resist it, they need to make a wisdom saving throw. Got it. Okay. And our DC is 17, correct? Mm-hmm. Okay.
All right, number one, let me double check there. Wisdom. Okay. Okay, 19. Fuck me. For Kalita, number two. Damn. And four for Kalita number four. So one of them is shoved on the other side of the wall and one remains right in front of you. Okay, so that one has going 120 feet beyond the wall. Okay. And then I'm moving my three friends onto the balloon. Okay. Mildred, who is... Okay, fine. Oh, let me roll my wild magic switch real quick. Yeah.
It was an eight, so I'm just barely above it. Now it's two to seven. I can't roll. Orchid Funnybones, Mildred Smith-Jones is already there. So she's... It kind of looks up in surprise as Eowyn and Penny and Millie just pop into existence all around her. And then she bends quickly back down. And now the balloon is 50% ready to go. Kalita number four that had been kind of like yeeted 120 feet is going to dash back. So it's going to use its...
double speed so it's going to go forward 80 feet. And Millie, kind of like stopping there, looks down and sees what Orchid is doing. and then gets the balloon now, and now it's at 75%. Nice. Awin, here you are. You're at the balloon. It's 75% ready to go. You have one Kalita who stands between... bertram and you guys uh and then the other one is you can see it far off just kind of galloping galloping galloping just like ferociously in your direction uh if you've
If I think it, what is it? Like, is it Monty Python and the Holy Grail? But just like the, somebody just continuously like running at a wall and nope. I'm okay. Nope. Just cut that part out. I was about to make a Monty Python reference, but I'm seeing blank faces in front of me. Sorry. I'm going to stop myself right there. I wish I would have gotten into it more. Never stop yourself with Monty Python. Never. I'm just tired. I was listening. Yeah, same. How, let's see. 75%. It's 75% full.
Right? Like the balloon, the hot air balloon. 75% ready to go. It's sounding like he could take his turn to get 25%, right? It sounds like doing your full turn is 25%. Yeah, if you use your full turn, you can get the last corner up and going so that this balloon is starting to. bertram is not uh bertram is still about 40 feet away you look over at me you say you see me giving a thumbs up awesome awen uh looks at the canister or like i look over and i say um
Hey, Fuzzbones, what do you use to power this here balloon? What you burning there? Propane? Usual? Acetylene? What you got going? I don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it's propane. I don't know. It's whatever. All right, hold on to your butts. With the company balloon. And I cast control flames.
And, like, the hotter balloon, I don't know if you've seen them, but it's almost like an engine on top that's just, like, blasting fuel up in just, like, huge, huge jets of flames. So Aiden's just going to, like... Make those flames grow even higher into the balloon. Not so much that it's going to catch the top of it on fire, but enough to just fill it up. If possible. You do that.
Now, one corner of this guy is still a fix to the ground. I was going to say, I think it's not all the way untethered. So it blasts up. We're ready. We're just ready. Can I take a free action to just use my belt knife to slice the rope? Yeah. Now, since you guys are tilted, I'm going to say you roll it with athletics because you're going to have to make a very athletic move to cut it mid throw.
Oh, 18. As you list heavily over. Yeah, you do that. You start to list violently over to one side. And so swiping down, you cut the rope free. And now it shakily like writes itself and bolts up towards like this. guy so it starts to rise i would say at this point it's about 12 feet in the air just like that initial like like just kind of and it starts to settle itself down but yeah it's 12 feet up in the air let's go okay well You are next. You and Awin.
And Orchid and Millie and Ishmael all are aboard now this flying balloon. Bertram still is down below and you are starting to gain heights. What do you want to do? have rope, but I'm not seeing it in my item. Is there a rope on this? Often they're tied on the side of the hot air balloon. Is there like a rope? You see a rope. All right. Penny is going to make sure.
in her action one side is fastened to the hot air balloon and then she's going to throw out the rope towards bertram to be like and it just shouts still is al duro catch on my lad catch on I like how you're just sticking in this. You're like, I'm going to stay right here. Because it's going to be a whole action to not be him. And so I figured I'd get out of the battle. Cool.
Also making him the worst part of Cary Grant, not like a villain. He's just being very annoying Cary Grant. No such thing. Thank you so much. Only sexy Cary Grant. You're right. I don't know what I was saying. Roll a D100. Me? Okay. I just wanted to make sure that's just something you almost always say to Adam exclusively. It is. It's not every day you get to roll a D100.
Don't have a D100. Why doesn't this have a D100? Alright, Google it. Sometimes on your dice rolling thing, does it give you a percentage size? 46. 46 okay that means it hangs down 46 feet so it's okay since you were 12 feet up it does touch the ground uh but it's definitely not going to reach awen who is
If we're doing triangulating, Bertram, sorry. Since we're doing triangulating, it's not going to reach to where Bertram is since he is 40 feet away from the site where you went straight up. But... It's close. It's hanging down. It's hanging over 46 feet. So we can work with that. It's close. But before Bertram can do anything, it's Kalita number two's turn, who's right in front of him. And so having no ability to.
to do anything but attack, it's going to do just that. So it's going to multi-attack you because it's just you, Bertram. So first it's going to try and bite you. 14 versus AC. Oh, sick. I'm going to do a reaction and cast shield. Oh, okay. Because I have a 13, but with it being that close, I can up my AC. Okay. So this bubble pops around you and just the bite knocks harmlessly against that bubble of arcane energy. I did a magic surge and I'm still good.
Okay, now it's going to swing down its claw, trying to break through that bubble. And it Nat 20'd. Okay, sick. Okay, the shield didn't cover that. All right. No, so we're going to take some doubled. Oh, you know what, you know what, you know what, you know what. I'm going to bend luck. When you are another creature, you can see make some melee attack or a bunch of other stuff. I can use two sorcery points.
to roll a 1d4, and I can make that be a penalty to the number. Ooh, okay. So my AC right now is 18 with shield. So I need this to be a 3 or a 4. That was a four. So your net 20 just went to a 16. Yeah, you see it come down with such force that it starts, the claw actually enters into... That force field, but then it pushes back out. And so if you could sweat, you would, Bertram. But yeah, you were. I rolled another wild magic surge. If you could sweat. If I could sweat. All right.
Bertram, it's your turn. What do you want to do? After dodging these things or casting shield and whatnot... I just reach out with my quill and aim it at the hot air balloon and I cast Misty Step. That's fucking right. That's right. Hell yeah. And I pull the rope up quickly. No need for this. No need for this. Before anything crawls up. You see Kalita number four, you know, finally like make it into the vicinity and the two of them just like.
stare up at you like shake their fists their little bare fists their bare fists they just like shake it in the air like can penny shoot at them with her short bow Yeah. It's not your turn. Are we out of combat now? That's the question. We're out of combat order. Yeah, we're out of combat order. Penny wants to shoot at them with her short bow to say, leave us alone. Scram. Okay. Mer.
Five. So what are you going to do? Get out of here. I could imagine you going saying like, ha, shows you, ha. And like, dude, it just like knocks aimlessly about 10 feet away from one of it. It looks down, looks slowly back up at you. And then proceeds to continue shaking its little bare fist. Okay, yeah, you guys are now out of this combat officially. And the balloon has launched, aiding you on your journey. So...
a few things start to re-flash through your minds, Penny. Because it seems like you were the only one really who honed in on this during the fight, and it was not spoken aloud. But really... In your mind's eye, as you kind of look back over your shoulder at these receding figures of the bear tigers, oh my, are those collars, those collars aligning them. with a spotted hand.
The Fable and Folly Network, where fiction producers flourish. Forgive me, Father. For I've sinned. It's been six months. Since my last confession. What would you like to confess today? I have decades of failings I could recap here. Today, I want to confess the worst thing I've ever done.
Uh, okay. Lots of unpack here. I can be kind of a crap husband. I took eight years of my life and lit it on fire in a matter of five hours. So I did what any self-respecting father would do. I, um, lightly dosed his Gatorade with a powerful... a laxative. And I guess sorry for making out in the confessional? Since confession is about talking to God, I felt he had a right to know what you've done. What I've done? What did I do? Are you kidding?
Do you love Emily? What the hell kind of question is that? Well, you're not going to absolve me? That's the whole point. Please leave the sacrament to the professional. Where do you get off talking to me like this? Excuse me? What the f***? Forgive Me, a comedy podcast from Rogue Dialogue.