105. Enkay 47: Mental Health & Vulnerability in Hip-Hop

00:00:07:17 - 00:00:34:00
Aaron Pete
One of the reasons that I love rap is because you get to be authentic, honest, vulnerable, and share some of the trials, tribulations, and unfairness that you've overcome. My guest is incredible. Covering topics that are hard to talk about, that are challenging to think about, and that push us to our brink. I think he talks about depression, mental health, well-being, growth, all of it in such an intricate, thoughtful way.

00:00:34:03 - 00:00:52:13
Aaron Pete
My guest today is Enkay 47. Enkay, one of my favorite all time rappers, a true gentleman, a mensch. If there ever was one. I'm so grateful to be sitting down with you. Today. Would you mind introducing yourself for individuals who may not have heard of you?

00:00:53:01 - 00:01:16:19
Enkay 47
Absolutely. Thank you so much for having me. By the way, you tell me what a mensch was the other day. And that's a super cool word. Mean. I've never heard of that before. So to document and care, I have 47 Those were put in the 47 microfilms. Too long, way too wordy. You know what I mean? I'm rambling, but I.

00:01:16:23 - 00:01:21:16
Enkay 47
Yeah, I'm an K, I'm 25 years old and I'm a hip hop artist from Portland, Oregon.

00:01:22:04 - 00:01:34:16
Aaron Pete
Okay. You have to answer a question for my producer, Tim first. Why do we have rap handles? Where does this come from? Your real name is Nathan. But what makes, what makes the decision to to call yourself something else?

00:01:35:20 - 00:01:37:03
Enkay 47
I have no fucking idea.

00:01:38:18 - 00:01:39:00
Enkay 47
To.

00:01:39:01 - 00:01:40:05
Enkay 47
Ignore it. And I say fuck off.

00:01:40:11 - 00:01:42:06
Aaron Pete
So of course I say whatever you like.

00:01:42:09 - 00:02:09:07
Enkay 47
Good, bro. Because I don't think I wouldn't be able from what I wanted to. So I appreciate the flexibility. Man, so my initials are an ink, right? It's nothing. Kawaguchi the 47, man. So it has two different meanings. So one is like, as most people saying, it's like the gun, right? And second is because of numerology, like the number 11.

00:02:10:13 - 00:02:30:20
Enkay 47
I love numerology. I know a lot of people think it's really esoteric and understandably so, but the number 11 is like, you know, a number for healing and guidance and prosperity in my life. That there's a number 11. So, like, I like to view my music as a way to guide people through dark times, you know what I mean?

00:02:31:21 - 00:02:33:17
Aaron Pete
How does that tie in with the number 47.

00:02:34:18 - 00:02:35:23
Enkay 47
It's just four plus seven.

00:02:36:09 - 00:02:38:03
Enkay 47
Oh, okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

00:02:38:15 - 00:02:54:18
Enkay 47
Yes. I mean, and care, love and just all kind of weird, you know what I mean? And the 47 comments I did with the gun, right? Yeah. Like the fastest soul lyrics that it makes. And it's like the fast lyrics though, said rap style. You're, I.

00:02:54:18 - 00:02:55:14
Enkay 47
Mean. Yeah.

00:02:55:22 - 00:03:09:04
Aaron Pete
How did you get started in rap? Like, there's usually a rule for people as to how they get interested in their, their musical endeavor, their artistic endeavor. When did you start to go, Hey, this is my thing. I love I love what I'm seeing.

00:03:09:22 - 00:03:35:07
Enkay 47
Man. I mean, I start to think about that. Marsa was I, I was really when I got on the rap, like, I cannot play any instrument, right? I can't sing very well. I mean, now I've definitely improved, but, like, I could never sing well, bro. Like, basically tell him that. And I always loved writing, though. Like, I love telling stories.

00:03:36:13 - 00:04:00:05
Enkay 47
And when I was younger, like, I just went to a lot of really personal things, and I couldn't talk to anybody about, um, so what I did to cope with that was I wrote stories, right? And heard Eminem's The Eminem show for the first time, and that was like the first really hip hop oriented record that really resonated with me.

00:04:01:15 - 00:04:24:10
Enkay 47
Because I grew up listening to rock primarily. And when I heard that, I was like, wow, like someone can articulate him. So this well and tell stories. This was all about his life, and it makes me feel like I'm going through it even though I'm not. And as soon as I heard that record, it was fucking cleaning out my closet changed my life.

00:04:24:10 - 00:04:44:03
Enkay 47
Now I've been goose bumps right now just talking about it because I remember the exact moment and I was like, This is what I want to do. And I think I was probably 13 or 14. And since then, man has all of done like this, write raps. I have fucking notebooks, upon notebooks full of just raps that I wrote when I was a kid.

00:04:44:07 - 00:04:44:21
Enkay 47
You know what I mean?

00:04:45:04 - 00:04:45:16
Enkay 47
Yeah.

00:04:46:11 - 00:05:06:09
Aaron Pete
Was it a good outlet? Did you feel like you were able to share your voice and find a space to do that? Because I think that that's such a deep problem that people can find themselves in, which is they have things to say, they have emotions, they need to express and no outlet for. And I think in a lot of ways, we're really lucky that you found this there.

00:05:07:20 - 00:05:35:05
Enkay 47
Man. I feel extremely grateful that I found this outlet. I'm not going to very much like I'm not a super talented individual. I'm someone that has to find something I really enjoy and work my ass off about it for a very long time before I yield the results that I want. And hip hop was that bad? Writing was that and I don't know that I could talk about this forever, man.

00:05:35:05 - 00:05:58:08
Enkay 47
I just I love hip hop. I love writing. I love connecting with people I've never met like such as yourself through my lyrics, like I love telling my story and captivating people again. I've never met in such a powerful way that they feel compelled. So check out the music. And so write me a damn. That's Miles Long telling me their life story, you know what I mean?

00:05:58:08 - 00:06:08:07
Enkay 47
Like, it's music is such a powerful medium and hold on me. Like I said, I can go on forever about this, but I think you know what I'm saying.

00:06:08:12 - 00:06:33:14
Aaron Pete
Yeah. I love you comment, though. That takes you a lot of work because you see people who come in with skill and you kind of expect them to be the most successful. And I think that that's a falsehood. The people who really do well don't rely on some rooted like, Oh, I'm super good at this and that's why I'm popular, because they're not willing to put in the work that someone who doesn't come at it with some, Oh, I'm already really good at this and I'm just going to build on it.

00:06:33:14 - 00:06:55:00
Aaron Pete
You see this a lot with the UFC people who come in with a preordained skill set. They don't know what it's like to be pushed in their work ethic or challenged in a different area. They start to fold because they don't have that mental strength, that mental fortitude to push forward when things aren't going well, when there's pressure, when when things when the skill isn't living up to expectations, they don't have that ability.

00:06:55:04 - 00:07:00:03
Aaron Pete
And that's what separates the the good from the great is because they'll just work harder than everybody else.

00:07:00:17 - 00:07:19:15
Enkay 47
Absolutely. But men and music is if any industry is the industry where you need to persevere through challenges, it's fucking hip hop. I mean, there is such an oversaturation of artists in the market that it's like artists in the market. That could be a cool thing.

00:07:21:13 - 00:07:22:15
Enkay 47
Well, that I was also.

00:07:23:18 - 00:07:24:15
Aaron Pete
Noticed in the market.

00:07:25:20 - 00:07:29:08
Enkay 47
A lot of ambiguity that there's a certain.

00:07:29:08 - 00:07:58:23
Enkay 47
Oversaturation of artists the market is like, you're going to get told no a thousand times more than you're going to get sold. Yes. And unless you're in this industry for at least five or ten years, consistently grinding investing thousands of tens of thousands of dollars into your craft, you're not going anywhere. Like you're just not. And the ability to persevere through all of that, in my opinion, is immensely, immensely more powerful than just being good at rap and calling it that.

00:07:59:01 - 00:07:59:17
Enkay 47
You know, I mean.

00:08:00:10 - 00:08:29:09
Aaron Pete
I love the I this is fair and unfair, but I love that there's a price to entering the market, that it takes that commitment because then you're all in and all of my favorite rappers all of my favorite musical creators, they're all in. There is not another option. And Justin claims he said it really well. He's like, I can't go get another nine to five job when I know that there's people in Vancouver living off my lyrics and being motivated and inspired, and there is this cost that goes into it, but it means that you're all in.

00:08:29:09 - 00:08:43:13
Aaron Pete
And I don't think we see the everyday people. You see the grocery store or or walking down the road. They're not all in on whatever they're doing. They're having they're working on this. Hey, maybe got this going on a little bit. Here, a little bit there, but they're not all in the way. You're all in.

00:08:44:12 - 00:08:51:09
Enkay 47
Exactly. Exactly. And that's like, you know, it goes with the saying if you have a plan B, your plan is way less.

00:08:51:14 - 00:08:52:10
Enkay 47
Way more.

00:08:53:14 - 00:09:00:23
Enkay 47
Hold it. Let me backtrack. Do you have a plan B? Your plan is a lot less likely to work is what I'm trying to say. Yeah. It's like.

00:09:01:06 - 00:09:01:12
Enkay 47
With.

00:09:01:12 - 00:09:11:12
Enkay 47
Hip hop and with music and really any creative endeavor that you have, it's you're not going out full speed ahead giving everything that you have towards it is is.

00:09:11:12 - 00:09:12:14
Enkay 47
Not going to work.

00:09:12:20 - 00:09:23:21
Enkay 47
I mean, you might have a moment of success, right? But unless you love it and you put everything and your entire being into it like you're not going to compete with somebody that well, you're just tired.

00:09:24:22 - 00:09:46:12
Aaron Pete
And you're trying to get buy in from other people. That's what I think about with the podcast. A lot is I'm asking other people to give up an hour of their time, half an hour of their time. So I have to be all in if they're going to tune in. Like if I'm kind of doing this and doing it off the side of my and don't really care about it not taking it seriously, how can I possibly expect people to tune into that when you're not putting everything you have into it?

00:09:46:18 - 00:09:56:18
Aaron Pete
And I'd like to talk about 20, 21 because this is a song about the ebbs and flows of, of your career and putting in the work. How did that song with Gon come about?

00:09:57:20 - 00:10:22:13
Enkay 47
Man, First off, I, I think that's right, bro. Yeah, I just started. God is, is one of those people that like, constantly inspires me and everyone that I collaborate with on my records, I always want to make sure that they're pushing me to another level. Right. And Don is one of those people, man, every time I hear him rap, I'm like, Yo, I want to be able to do that, you know what I mean?

00:10:22:13 - 00:10:34:19
Enkay 47
Like, how those fuck did he do this multi syllabic rhyme scheme patter and he just does it so flawlessly. Matt is like, he doesn't try, but he is. It's one of the hardest working people I know in the music industry.

00:10:37:06 - 00:11:02:18
Enkay 47
So yeah, let me preface with that. I guess 20, 21 came into play because I was doing this 20 series for a while called 28, seeing 29 seeing 20, 20, and up until 20, 20 years. I reached kind of the pinnacle in my career at the time. I got contacted by Sprite for the Spotify thing. I got to go to L.A. and just meet a bunch of really cool people.

00:11:02:18 - 00:11:35:04
Enkay 47
My Spotify was killing that, my YouTube was telling it I was making the most money I had at that time. And what happened is I decided to rebrand because I wasn't feeling passionate about hip hop anymore. I wanted to sing and two acoustic records. I don't fucking know why, man. It was like a weird epiphany I had, and I started releasing acoustic music under the name and K, and I invested like ten K in the way I invested everything I had into it for like a six month period and it totally tanked man.

00:11:35:04 - 00:12:00:09
Enkay 47
My numbers went from two 50 K to like one 30 on Spotify alone within like about six or seven months, my care plan sold we fell, bro, like totally back closed. And the reason I'm saying all of that is because in 20, 21, that's the primary inspiration behind it was doing the rebrand and watching it fail. And I was really angry.

00:12:01:13 - 00:12:28:12
Enkay 47
I was angry with myself because I allowed myself to invest everything I had into a rebrand that didn't work. I felt stupid and I was also really angry at the fans because they weren't resonating with what I was resonating with, which, you know, hindsight's 20, 20 and because it's just kind of a selfish perspective, right? Because people follow music, it inspires and it resonates with them.

00:12:29:00 - 00:12:44:22
Enkay 47
And if me as the artist was making music that connected with people it's like, that's not, that's not their fault, you know what I mean? That's my fault. Like I've now just started fucking playing the banjo and did folk music. Like I don't know if I follow it, bro.

00:12:45:09 - 00:12:46:01
Enkay 47
I mean.

00:12:48:06 - 00:13:10:14
Enkay 47
Yeah, I guess I'm saying all this is it because I was just in a really dark place, man. I made that record and I really needed to get it out I was like, Oh, no, no. I was like £285 at the time, which for me is the biggest I've ever been. I was constantly drunk. I'm like, I don't know, man.

00:13:10:14 - 00:13:33:08
Enkay 47
You know, you're an alcoholic when you drink to avoid the withdrawals you want. I mean, for days on end, like when you wake up drunk and that's, you know, Norm, like, that's a problem. And I was just doing a bunch of other shit that I'm not even going to talk about on here. And that song was kind of like the accumulation of the anger and resentment that I built.

00:13:33:08 - 00:13:38:20
Enkay 47
So towards myself, you know, everything that I internalized, I put it into that track.

00:13:40:05 - 00:14:07:11
Aaron Pete
I love it. I think it's one of the best tracks I've ever heard. It's it was my number one song in 20, 21 20, 22. And it probably will be for 2023 because there is in the podcast world, we talk a lot about audience capture and this idea that you want to remain dynamic. Like I know which podcast did the best and I could just go repeat, recycle, do the same thing over and over again, but I'm not growing and I'm going to lose my passion for so I have to go try new things.

00:14:07:11 - 00:14:29:11
Aaron Pete
I have to interview people that might challenge my perspectives and make me grow in a way. And that's exactly what you were going through. And to face such pushback from the fans, like, I have the sympathy for you where I'm like, They should be open to that. If I NEF does pick up the banjo, yes. It may not beat his other stop, but he's on a journey and to that point, you see the albums he's put together.

00:14:29:14 - 00:14:45:11
Aaron Pete
This one is very different than the first one. It's not the same thing, but he's on a journey. And if you zoom out a bit and look at it for the journey, you can see how this album fits in with his journey. And the same with your journey through this, which gives you different tools, different skills that allow you to go succeed.

00:14:45:14 - 00:14:57:02
Aaron Pete
And so to that point, I would just say the fans need to have faith that you're on this journey and that this can only bring about like a new age of N.K.. 47, and that's what I think the message you were putting out there was.

00:14:58:05 - 00:15:29:23
Enkay 47
Yeah, now it's exactly what I was putting out, man. And I, you know, like I said earlier, man, so look, we can talk about this all day, but I guess I want to kind of close that. That thought was like, I don't really expect people to follow what I'm doing blindly anymore. I think that that's a really so where I'm looking for it, I guess like close minded perspective because that's, that's how I used to feel is like, you know, these people are used to gravitate towards my music right they used to love what I was doing.

00:15:29:23 - 00:15:43:23
Enkay 47
So I don't like what I'm doing now. And the reality is just like it should be as it is to say, like, I'm a product, like I'm a business, you know, and if people choose not to buy my product, that's not necessarily their fault. Right? That's that's on me.

00:15:45:10 - 00:16:08:20
Aaron Pete
That's a really interesting perspective. The part that I also love about that song, though, is that in people's life, they can feel like they're being put in a circumstance. You start to buy the house, you start to invest in in the roots that kind of put you somewhere and you can start to feel stuck. And you have this message in there that people are trying to keep you where you are and not let you grow and not let you thrive, not let you become who you want to become.

00:16:09:00 - 00:16:13:22
Aaron Pete
And I think that that message is so important for people who are kind of stuck in those circumstances.

00:16:14:23 - 00:16:34:22
Enkay 47
Yeah, absolutely. Boundaries. It's like you know, I felt like the people were you know, the people say this really abstract or man, I've never met most of these people or I they're just numbers on a screen by like so the ones that I have met, like it's it shows and through the Amazon, through talks, like those people are always extremely supportive towards what I'm doing.

00:16:36:03 - 00:16:47:21
Enkay 47
And those are the people that would follow me and have followed me for four years despite the journey and the changes in style or me personally meant I saw Blue Arrow like this, you know, that I did.

00:16:47:21 - 00:16:50:04
Aaron Pete
I have that. I have a few songs from that album to.

00:16:50:14 - 00:16:59:03
Enkay 47
Rise out of the Blue Hair Dog. I had a fucking like these blue contacts and then like that was a wild song about life.

00:17:00:04 - 00:17:05:00
Enkay 47
Oh, I don't know. I guess what I'm saying is I even when I did.

00:17:05:00 - 00:17:18:20
Enkay 47
Bad, I faced a lot of, a lot of flashback to just because it was different. You know, people didn't really gravitate towards that as much, but a lot of the real ones still stuck around through it is what I was getting at it.

00:17:19:15 - 00:17:39:14
Aaron Pete
And I think that that's important. Like those core people, you give a shout out to them for being committed and sticking with you during your journey. And like that's the challenge of being an artist is that you're going to have to take risks you're going to have to challenge yourself in some regard. And I do think that what we ask of artists like yourself, what we ask of artists like Juice World, is too much.

00:17:39:18 - 00:17:58:17
Aaron Pete
It's not a reasonable request. If you were to go into a business and ask for what we're asking for of you, you would say, No, this is a far too much because you're putting the shit you've gone through as a kid. The the challenges you face, the adversity you've overcome out there for everybody to listen to. And that brings me to the song.

00:17:58:17 - 00:18:13:17
Aaron Pete
Is that what you wanted because it lands on exactly that point. This is what we want from our artists for them to leave themselves out and be incredibly vulnerable. And then we'll tune in and will enjoy and it's it's such a selfish request from a listener's perspective.

00:18:14:23 - 00:18:32:11
Enkay 47
Yeah. No mercy. That's that's another song I was thinking of when you mentioned that I think that was the, the second track on the, on the project Pray in my head. And I feel like I should know this, but I feel like 20, 21. That was the very first track on the album, right? That it was, that was you wanted.

00:18:32:14 - 00:18:33:03
Aaron Pete
Correct.

00:18:33:09 - 00:18:34:06
Enkay 47
You I should know that.

00:18:34:11 - 00:18:37:12
Enkay 47
I don't know, I don't know it, but heard.

00:18:37:22 - 00:18:59:13
Enkay 47
Yeah. That was, you know, that was capturing the same feeling is that I was just really resentful towards the fans, towards myself, just towards life. I was never really more of a place. I think when I made that song bro, I was literally, I woke up extremely fucked up mad like I just, I was drinking for days beforehand I was fucking vomiting like I didn't have.

00:18:59:18 - 00:19:25:19
Enkay 47
It was disgusting. Matt and I so like a weird flashback to that day. Man, that was a weird day. I woke up, right? A bunch of overcharges from Wells Fargo. I had a bunch of I just bills. I got taken out that day. I was negative, like a thousand of my cow. Like, it was a stressful man. I woke up and like, my, my homie don't buy produces a lot of my tracks.

00:19:26:04 - 00:19:51:16
Enkay 47
He sent me to the B for his I what she wanted him and Trump's made together. And I heard it in light. It just fucking hit me when it came out and I was like, wow, I've got to write about what I'm going through. And I was just so angry about about everything. I was like, yeah, I was, I was you wanted like, you want me to be like this and this state with this kind of lifestyle.

00:19:51:21 - 00:20:01:16
Enkay 47
So I could write about it, you know, sell it to you guys is a product yeah. Just just a lot of anger and a song, man. A lot of resentment.

00:20:02:03 - 00:20:19:21
Aaron Pete
And it goes to the point I like people who are tuning in are often in the same sort of from stands and we would never like. The goal is always to look like you have the nicest clothes to look like your hair is all done and nobody really knows what's what your bank account is. And what you're going through and what your house looks like and what your bedroom looks like.

00:20:20:00 - 00:20:45:19
Aaron Pete
Nobody knows who you really are in those dark moments. And so to put yourself out there in that way, is, you know, is humbling for me because it gave me a deeper appreciation for the work that you do, that musicians do, that artists do, because it's a huge risk and again, I think the price is too high, yet you voluntarily allow yourself to pay it, even though it wouldn't be a reasonable negotiation.

00:20:45:19 - 00:20:47:07
Aaron Pete
If I were to ask that of a person.

00:20:48:09 - 00:20:49:13
Enkay 47
Yeah, well, no, I don't think.

00:20:49:13 - 00:21:09:16
Enkay 47
That is something you can ask of somebody reasonably. It's like, I don't know man. It goes back to the numerology thing, right? Like, like a life path to love and I don't know, man. It is, it is really esoteric to even bring that up. And it's really I a lot of people don't believe it or don't follow it.

00:21:09:16 - 00:21:35:21
Enkay 47
May I like Zodiac signs. I don't even NAMI multiple or even Zodiac signs. But for some reason, numerology like that should make sense to me. Yeah. And it just goes back to being that Guiding Light and inspiring other people with with your challenges and obstacles. And I think it's, it's so important. So I put my life on the line for everyone to see like with zero filter, right?

00:21:35:21 - 00:21:58:05
Enkay 47
Because the second day I start pretending that I'm somebody I'm not, that's the second date I guess that's the second stop being me, you know, and I start being genuine to who I am. So I'd rather tell people what I'm going through, tell people what I've been through, in a raw, unfiltered setting and have them relate to it that way.

00:21:58:07 - 00:22:11:11
Enkay 47
Then me say that I'm rich as fuck and you know, I've got all these bitches and I don't like that word say that all these women, you know what I mean? And like, that's just not true. We're all this is this is me, you know what I mean?

00:22:12:04 - 00:22:29:03
Aaron Pete
And that's why I really enjoy your music is because I don't actually like that type of music where people are trying to sell that. That's why I actually enjoy people like Vijay and, and other musicians. I go, they're not selling that like Gon regularly talks about his mother working incredibly hard, multiple jobs in order for him to be able to succeed.

00:22:29:06 - 00:22:49:00
Aaron Pete
And then he talks about how he regrets being a goof off and causing shenanigans rather than focusing on what he could have been and wanting to take care of his family. Like all my favorite rappers are not what normal people think. Rap is about. And I really appreciate your style because it doesn't focus on that. It focuses on the real things he's going through.

00:22:49:10 - 00:23:00:11
Aaron Pete
Can we also talk about rainfall? Because I think that that's where there's a beauty in rap music. There's a beauty in what you're doing because you're talking to yourself. Can you talk a little bit about that song?

00:23:01:06 - 00:23:25:05
Enkay 47
I love that song. That I that is probably that's probably one of my favorite songs that I've ever made. And I constantly, man, people don't know what it's about. Like, I always get asked like, Yo, what is our song about? What does that mean? Right in like, to me, it's so, so obvious, so self-evident when I'm talking about like I'm just talking to myself, like through my life, right?

00:23:25:05 - 00:23:47:23
Enkay 47
It's like sunshine, rainfall. I'll be there through it all, you know, like, I'll be there for you or something like that. And, you know, when I made the song, I was like, I was in such a bad place mentally. Like, you know, what I made is I what you wanted, 20, 21, etc. They I just wanted to apologize to myself, right, as a kid.

00:23:48:01 - 00:24:09:23
Enkay 47
So I was like, man, like, you had all these hopes and all these aspirations, and like, you know, this this is what I made of them and I'm sorry, you know, and like, I there was just such a powerful feeling for me. And so it to so apologize to your past. So don't fuck up right now. That's a really powerful thing.

00:24:10:15 - 00:24:34:14
Aaron Pete
But I'm into love yourself. When you look back on all the decisions you made it what came through for me was the empathy you felt for yourself and it's such an interesting thing to do to look at yourself and your past self as almost a separate person that you love. And then you understand and then you have sympathy for because so easy it is to to just look at it with regrets.

00:24:35:00 - 00:24:48:01
Aaron Pete
It's hard to say I was in hell. I was in a tough place, but I still love myself for who I was then and the decisions I was making. That's, I think, the challenge for so many people to get over that hurdle.

00:24:49:01 - 00:25:09:15
Enkay 47
You know, and I think that's the, you know, point in your life where you have to have empathy because you're like, no, you have to take care of yourself. Like you're someone that needs to be taken care of. Right. And it's like I was and am someone that I need to constantly take care of and be vigilant about because I'm a fuck up.

00:25:09:15 - 00:25:28:15
Enkay 47
And like sometimes I have super addictive personality flaws. Like, you know, if I, I just have to steer clear of basically any substance because I know that way, if I take the at once, then I'm going to take it twice and then three times and I limited myself to Starbucks, bro. I fucking video games, you know, I mean.

00:25:28:15 - 00:25:29:05
Enkay 47
Like.

00:25:29:19 - 00:25:34:13
Enkay 47
But I can't even smoke weed. I can't drink anymore. I can't, I can't do any you bastard.

00:25:39:20 - 00:25:41:13
Enkay 47
Totally lost my train of thought, bro.

00:25:41:20 - 00:25:42:06
Enkay 47
No word.

00:25:42:06 - 00:26:04:23
Aaron Pete
And so we, we got to hop on to the song in my head with Sarah. Clearly and talk about that, the idea that if today was your last breath, what would you do if you knew it was all done? Would you be proud of where you got to? Or would you regret it as past tense? And I think these are questions that we don't ask ourselves outside of music very often.

00:26:04:23 - 00:26:19:04
Aaron Pete
We don't think about whether or not we're living up to our true potential, whether or not we're making the difference. We would have wanted to whether or not we're the spouse, partner or friend that we could have been looking back on it, it's so easy to get caught up in the day to day in that we're busy and we're booked up.

00:26:19:10 - 00:26:23:04
Aaron Pete
It's hard to look at yourself in the mirror and ask those questions.

00:26:24:17 - 00:26:43:20
Enkay 47
Really is, man, I think that, you know, I don't think enough people ask themselves that question. Right? And like, if I had asked myself right now, look at my proud of where I've gotten my proud of what I've accomplished, I would say absolutely not. Like, I'm not even I'm not even close to what I think I would feel proud of.

00:26:43:20 - 00:27:04:06
Enkay 47
Like if I'd done things that I'm proud of. Yes. But I feel like the negative outweighs the positive in my eyes. And that really sucks to say. Right. But I've done a lot of introspection, a lot of by I don't know, man. I just a lot of thoughts about about my life and my past and everything that I've done.

00:27:04:18 - 00:27:15:04
Enkay 47
And I, I don't know, man. I'm not proud of where I am. I'm not proud of who I am. But I'm working every day so that I can be one day, you know what I mean?

00:27:15:21 - 00:27:36:02
Aaron Pete
Yeah. And it's not done right. Like, it's a journey that you're allowed to go on and say, this is where I'd like to end up. This is where the pinnacle will be for me personally, regardless of what the numbers do and regardless of all of those other things, this is the place I want to be, to be able to sit back and be grateful and feel like I've contributed and done what I want to go down.

00:27:36:02 - 00:27:47:17
Enkay 47
Mess. Yeah, I hope we have a follow up podcast like this from now. You want I mean, or it looks like Ellen, like we're on a stage I walk out, everyone's yelling, and you're like, Nobody's been so long, man. Nice to see.

00:27:47:17 - 00:27:55:09
Enkay 47
You. You know what I mean? Like, you're a billionaire. Whatever it looks like I don't know, man.

00:27:55:09 - 00:28:13:23
Enkay 47
I really want to be proud of myself. I think everyone does. But the second that I say I am proud of myself, I feel like my work's done in a weird way, you know? And, like, it's nowhere close to done. Like, I am not even halfway towards, you know, my goal of who I want to be as a person.

00:28:13:23 - 00:28:27:10
Enkay 47
Right yeah. I just think it's really important. So, you know, to always be working, not only on yourself by, you know, on your artistry, on your relationships, on your place in this world. Right.

00:28:27:22 - 00:28:47:19
Aaron Pete
And selfishly, I think we're incredibly lucky because we're on this journey with you as listeners think, listening to your music, we get to hear where you're at this time, what you're thinking, where you're reflecting on. And I think that it's incredibly enlightening to see and listen to music, where we get to see where your mental state is and how you're feeling about things.

00:28:48:00 - 00:29:23:19
Aaron Pete
And I also need to because it's one of my all time favorite songs, regardless of rap or hip hop. One of my all time favorite songs say because I think it hits on a point that another one we don't talk about very often, but we want to feel secure, understood, valued, such simple ideas. I mean, these ideas are becoming commonplace that we say, but how often do we actually feel like we can be flawed, that we can be stupid, we can make mistakes and still have people around us that will support us, that will empathize with us, that will try and pick us back up and believe in us and in the ways that we want

00:29:23:19 - 00:29:38:02
Aaron Pete
to be understood. Because we all have different love languages and ways we want to be understood. Some people don't want a big hug when they're going through something. Sometimes they just want to talk. Like being safe means different things. And I think it's just one of your most profound pieces of.

00:29:38:02 - 00:29:38:17
Enkay 47
Artwork.

00:29:39:10 - 00:29:54:21
Enkay 47
Where thank you, I, I love that song and like I think I've said, I probably four or 5 hours on this hour, this interview so far and it's just true, man. Like that is one of my favorite songs I've ever created because I was in really.

00:29:56:05 - 00:29:58:04
Enkay 47
Like a broken record that every one.

00:29:58:04 - 00:30:00:09
Enkay 47
Of these songs, I'm like, I was in a horrible place.

00:30:00:09 - 00:30:04:10
Enkay 47
More like, wow, it was fucking through you know?

00:30:04:11 - 00:30:31:09
Enkay 47
I think Picasso said, like, you know, the best ah, comes from my what is it, like pain and suffering? Something like that. And I think that's so true, man, because when I when I wrote that song, I was I was beginning to be sober for the first time. You know, since I discovered drugs, like, you know, I was trying to rebuild myself from scratch, essentially.

00:30:31:18 - 00:30:52:17
Enkay 47
And I remember when I went to therapy, I just do overcome a lot of shit from my childhood that, like, you always told me, I needed to feel so right. You need to identify all five senses. You. So I wiggle your toes, you know, like, listen to what's around. You smell feel where you're at. And I am always in my head like always.

00:30:52:17 - 00:31:18:15
Enkay 47
And I'm always overanalyzing things. I'm like thinking about what to say, what not to say. Is this going to offend this person? And, you know, when I made that song, it was just such a weight lifted off of my chest because I just wanted to feel safe, you know what I mean? Like, and to this day, it's something that I'm working on religiously.

00:31:20:21 - 00:31:41:12
Enkay 47
And I just think it's so important for people that have dealt with trauma or anything difficult in their life that they refine their sense of safety because like, I lost that when I was when I was a kid and I haven't got it back since. And that's subconsciously dictated all of my life choices. And created who I am today.

00:31:42:14 - 00:31:44:04
Enkay 47
I hope that makes sense.

00:31:44:10 - 00:32:05:07
Aaron Pete
It does, actually. Carl Jung talks about this idea that we spend all of our childhood wanting to be adults, and then we spend all of our adulthood wishing that we could be kids again. And the ultimate point you see that the most is in elderly people because they can sit in a park all day and watch the kids play and have that sense of peace, because it does become about the bills.

00:32:05:10 - 00:32:25:04
Aaron Pete
It becomes about the next thing you're doing about being busy with this project. Or that, or being aware of or doing these things. And you're not in the moment just having fun. Like, how free did you feel when you were playing tag or doing something silly and just goofing off like you just don't have that same level of freedom where it isn't about a vice or doing something in order to feel productive.

00:32:25:09 - 00:32:45:08
Aaron Pete
And I think that that's what so many people struggle with. And you also have this line in there that like you feel like there's people saying they're going to give you 100% and they don't. And I really resonate with that line because so many people say like how many people have reached out to me saying they're going to start a podcast and then I'm still waiting for them to get started.

00:32:45:14 - 00:33:05:16
Aaron Pete
So many people will say they'll help, you know, hooked you up and they'll have you back and then they don't follow through. And I think I'm going to bother him by bringing him up. But he's a person who's believed in this from the get go. And watched me progress and improve and has supported that. But he's also the person I never have to ask for anything from him because he's willing to go that extra mile.

00:33:05:16 - 00:33:25:12
Aaron Pete
And I've seen that same thing in you where you've worked hard to make this this interview great. You've put in the effort and you weren't expecting that to be brought up, but I couldn't appreciate that more. And there are people out there willing to truly give 100%, but they're rare. They're not. Every day you come across them and they're true gems because they're willing to do what it takes.

00:33:25:12 - 00:33:33:17
Aaron Pete
They're willing to give you their 100% zong as you're willing to put in the other 100%. And you can make something great when you meet people like yourself and like come.

00:33:34:19 - 00:33:44:04
Enkay 47
Back and see I love that you said that, bro, because like when I first saw to you and like months ago, I think like by October or something.

00:33:44:04 - 00:33:44:15
Aaron Pete
Yeah.

00:33:45:01 - 00:34:06:04
Enkay 47
There was a while ago man. And like when you first asked me to go on the podcast, I was like, I don't know, man. I think I even call it you. I mean, I think I even called you. I want to just be you first by when I was talking to you and I saw what kind of person you were, I was like, Yo, I can tell this person is someone that is going to give it 100%, right?

00:34:06:08 - 00:34:27:23
Enkay 47
I could tell that you love what you did. You were going to bring us same energy if we did a podcast or an interview. And I watched the interview with Sanjay. I watched the interview with Justin Clancy and like both of those were just fucking awesome, man. I don't know, bro. I mean, Dad, you have beautiful eyes. You give awesome virtual fist bumps everything.

00:34:28:15 - 00:34:29:06
Enkay 47
Bro my man!

00:34:30:22 - 00:34:37:10
Enkay 47
It's just cool, man. So yeah, I know we're talking about my song and stuff, but I just wanted to put that out there, you know?

00:34:38:00 - 00:35:01:12
Aaron Pete
I appreciate you so much, and it's just it means so much because you articulated it. And I think these things and, and think like, wow, this person's great. But when you articulate that, there are people who just they kind of, oh, I'll help you out and then they don't show up or it's late or it's not as good, we just I've gone through some things recently where it's really made me appreciate those people who come through, who give it their all when there is no expectations.

00:35:01:12 - 00:35:19:00
Aaron Pete
Like, there's no there's no requirement that you do this yet. You're willing to put in your best effort. And that means the world to me. And again, in your latest song, which we're going to get to, that's coming out soon, you also talk about this idea which I think is super valuable. You've dropped a few songs, though, that we have to get to that are a little bit more heavy.

00:35:19:07 - 00:35:40:16
Aaron Pete
Shooting Stars is one of them, and I think it is, again, another masterclass where that singing comes out where the doubters didn't didn't see this coming, because you tie in such a beautiful voice. I know that you're not you maybe not see your voice the same way I see. But I love, as I talked to with Justin Clancy, this honest, raw voice that you brought to that song.

00:35:40:21 - 00:35:42:08
Aaron Pete
How did shooting stars come about?

00:35:43:09 - 00:36:01:00
Enkay 47
And so actually, I was I was I was on a shrooms trip, man, and I was just chillin in my fucking apartment. Extremely. I mean, like, I was like so I don't know if you have any experience with psychedelics at all.

00:36:02:02 - 00:36:03:09
Aaron Pete
You know? Unfortunately not.

00:36:04:01 - 00:36:05:18
Enkay 47
Oh, man. This out of bad thing, like.

00:36:06:07 - 00:36:06:22
Enkay 47
I. Yeah, you.

00:36:06:22 - 00:36:08:10
Enkay 47
Know, there's this fine line between.

00:36:08:10 - 00:36:08:19
Enkay 47
Like.

00:36:09:17 - 00:36:16:15
Enkay 47
Two and a half the lights within a half grams of these problems, right? And like, there's a fine line between.

00:36:17:04 - 00:36:18:01
Enkay 47
You're selling and you're.

00:36:18:01 - 00:36:19:02
Enkay 47
Having a good time.

00:36:19:02 - 00:36:22:15
Enkay 47
And you're kind of like, I don't know how to put that. You're like.

00:36:23:02 - 00:36:35:13
Enkay 47
On the surface of the water, and you can, like, do you in for a second and see what's going on, but then you can come back out when you y then there's a three and a half plus where like you're fully submerged and you can't get out, you know, 4 hours three.

00:36:35:17 - 00:36:37:16
Enkay 47
I mean, and then dying. When I.

00:36:37:16 - 00:36:38:10
Enkay 47
Was on that strip.

00:36:38:10 - 00:36:45:00
Enkay 47
Specifically, I was in a weird ass middle road, bro. Like, I was like, I just need to distract.

00:36:45:00 - 00:37:02:09
Enkay 47
Myself because I was not in a good headspace at that time. And when I wrote Shooting Stars, I was going through YouTube beats and I found this one in particular that was a show guitar. It's I b been like I just played on speaker highest park in my fucking apartment, and I was like.

00:37:03:03 - 00:37:03:20
Enkay 47
A pariah.

00:37:03:20 - 00:37:06:17
Enkay 47
On this show. And, and star. And I was like, Bro.

00:37:08:05 - 00:37:15:05
Enkay 47
This is Ed shook up none of this fucking row. Like the entire tribe that night.

00:37:15:11 - 00:37:17:02
Enkay 47
The majority of the track, I should say.

00:37:17:11 - 00:37:20:02
Enkay 47
Enlarged. I don't know about the.

00:37:20:02 - 00:37:33:03
Enkay 47
Immense release that I saw when I articulate what I was feeling in that moment was extremely powerful. Like, I just started crying. I was just like, I don't know, man.

00:37:33:06 - 00:37:34:19
Enkay 47
It felt, it felt surreal.

00:37:35:15 - 00:37:39:14
Enkay 47
That is the only track I ever made on shrooms. But like.

00:37:40:15 - 00:37:42:02
Enkay 47
How? No, dude, I got to do it.

00:37:42:02 - 00:37:44:22
Enkay 47
Again because the energy of that's what he's so light.

00:37:44:22 - 00:37:45:19
Enkay 47
But it was.

00:37:45:19 - 00:37:53:10
Enkay 47
So raw and powerful and like, I don't know, I feel like I'm, like, stroking my own ego right now, but I know.

00:37:53:11 - 00:38:13:08
Aaron Pete
You should be very proud of it. I don't know if you listen to Jordan Peterson at all, but he goes through this concept of of what does it mean to wish upon a shooting star he talks about Pinocchio because that's one reference that I think most people have heard of, where you're asking something greater than yourself. You're looking out up above yourself.

00:38:13:11 - 00:38:32:18
Aaron Pete
Recognizing that you're small and asking for something. And you have to do that honestly. You have to do it with the intent of wanting to improve. If it's done selfishly, it doesn't work but that's that idea of praying, because often people think you need to say certain amount of Hail Marys or you need to do it a certain way, or you got to be on your knees or you got to be praying.

00:38:32:18 - 00:38:48:13
Aaron Pete
Is meditating, basically. Where are you reflecting on Where do I want to be? If I could have my life the way I want it and I have to do work in order to get it there, but what do I have to do and that's that thing that I think sometimes we forget to give ourselves is I do want to go in this direction.

00:38:48:13 - 00:39:04:18
Aaron Pete
The shooting started direction, but how do I get there? What do I have to do myself? To get there? And that's what I thought was so beautiful, was you were willing to take that journey and it does involve you. It's not like I just want $1,000,000 cash. And that's what people think of when they think of praying at a low level.

00:39:04:22 - 00:39:12:15
Aaron Pete
But often it's what do I have to do to make my life the way I want it to be? And that's the journey that you're so clearly on right?

00:39:12:15 - 00:39:33:02
Enkay 47
Absolutely, man. And I you know, I think it goes back to the saying it's like the quality of your life is the quality of the questions you ask, right? And it's not it's not always about like, you know, like you said, like, I want $1,000,000. It's not like know your God or whatever the fuck you will leave. Then, like, I want $1,000,000, please.

00:39:33:02 - 00:39:52:03
Enkay 47
You know what I mean? I so those people are going to stay broke forever, right? Because they're asking something beyond themselves to provide themselves with something they don't deserve. But the real question you should ask is, what do I need to do? What kind of person do I need to become to make $1,000,000? Right. And those are the people that always.

00:39:52:20 - 00:39:58:01
Enkay 47
You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah, I do. Listen to Jordan Peterson, by the way, bro. It's like.

00:39:59:02 - 00:39:59:20
Enkay 47
I don't know, man.

00:40:00:00 - 00:40:12:07
Enkay 47
I go on those, like, late nights three in the morning YouTube listeners, you know, and that's one of the guys I usually go, do I, like, read a couple of these books, like The Wild Rules for Life, and it's one more. I super insightful.

00:40:12:20 - 00:40:33:07
Aaron Pete
Yeah. It's crazy how much of a difference you could make in people's lives, like Real Difference and what he's portrayed as because he's actually coming and doing a tour here in in Vancouver and Abbotsford shortly here. And like the press about him is completely different than what he actually does for people. And like, I wouldn't have this podcast today if I didn't listen to Jordan Peterson.

00:40:33:07 - 00:40:47:23
Aaron Pete
And he was like, You could be more than you are today. So go on that path and figure that out like that. That meant the world to me because it feels like am I, am I there, did I arrive? And it's like, you can make so much more of a difference. You have the style, though, that I love you.

00:40:47:23 - 00:41:01:22
Aaron Pete
You tie songs together intricately and only the real ones now. And your song I'm Not Okay came up in multiple other songs indirectly, but we all knew what was going on. Can you talk about the song? I'm not okay.

00:41:02:16 - 00:41:33:00
Enkay 47
Yeah, man. So I. I love, I love tearing songs and other ones because in my head, it's like I'm building a story, right? And not a fabricated story, but like, I'm drawing upon parts of my life over the last 26 years. And putting them into this, you know, basically journal of my life story and I'm not okay was a really powerful one to release for me because it was like I don't know, man.

00:41:33:02 - 00:41:40:06
Enkay 47
I don't need and I don't even want to talk about it on the podcast because I just get emotional, like I want to talk about it that.

00:41:40:16 - 00:41:40:23
Enkay 47
I could.

00:41:41:12 - 00:42:04:00
Enkay 47
And when I made that song, I, you know, I was at work actually. I used to sell gym memberships at what is called 24 hour fitness. And that one night when I was crazy, man, I was supposed to go home early weeks out of studio session and I couldn't go home early. I actually had to stay in like work.

00:42:04:00 - 00:42:39:21
Enkay 47
And I was all pissed off about it because, you know, I had a studio session, whatever it and I, I was selling this gym membership to this one guy I'll never forget this. And he comes in and we just convert like immediately. It was fucking crazy. He, he played basketball at the college in Portland. You know, I was walking in by the basketball court and we sat down on my desk at the time and he just looks at me like totally surreal, looks at me dead in the eye, and he's like, I have something I need to sell you.

00:42:40:01 - 00:42:45:15
Enkay 47
And I was like, Okay, like, bro, if you like me, Matt Stone, you know, like, he.

00:42:45:17 - 00:42:46:03
Enkay 47
Right.

00:42:46:18 - 00:43:05:04
Enkay 47
And, you know, he just told me that, like, he was sexually abused as a child. And he told me that he just wrote this poem today and he had to share it with somebody. For some reason, he wanted to share it with me. And I it was one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard in my life, man.

00:43:05:20 - 00:43:42:05
Enkay 47
And when I heard it, it was like it was life changing. And I was getting emotional even talking about it. And then I you know, I was just hugging this dude in the middle of the in the middle of the gym floor, man. And sorry, dog words talking about what happened to us as kids for like an hour and my past is looking over and it's like, what the fuck is Nate doing?

00:43:42:05 - 00:44:08:03
Enkay 47
You know, we're, like, crying, like, hug in, like, everyone's looking at us. And it was the first time in my life that I talked openly about what I've been through and Solomon's gym membership. I got his phone number. I went back home, and that's what I made. I'm not okay, like, the exact same I did. All of that went down, and it was the fastest song I've ever made.

00:44:08:03 - 00:44:28:04
Enkay 47
Like, I made that song in by fucking 30 minutes. I went to the studio the next day I recorded it, and that was the first song for the album that I made. And I was like FAQ like, how, how do I build a project around this song? You know? That's what Basement came into play. I never talked to that dude again by the way.

00:44:28:04 - 00:44:30:19
Enkay 47
I have no idea what happened to him. Maybe he was like some.

00:44:31:03 - 00:44:31:13
Enkay 47
Weird.

00:44:31:13 - 00:44:46:01
Enkay 47
Guardian angel that came in to buy a gym membership or some shit and stuff. Like it is getting torn or something. But it was such a powerful moment and it is something that I will never forget in my entire life.

00:44:47:04 - 00:45:04:00
Aaron Pete
You brought up basement and all of these songs tied together so beautifully, not such a heavy. The next few songs we're going to talk about are incredibly heavy and basement ties in really nicely. Can you talk about how that song came about? Because it was another feature with Con Man.

00:45:04:00 - 00:45:34:20
Enkay 47
So. So Bass Man was actually the second last track that that I made. Like when that album came out and I I'll be honest, man, like that song to me didn't have a lot of emotion attached to it. Just being totally transparent it to me, I was trying to recreate the motion or the emotion of I'm not okay because I had to have an intro to the album to kind of foreshadow the end of the album, right?

00:45:35:10 - 00:45:58:20
Enkay 47
And so when I made that track, I was like trying to recreate this moment that I had on that made out okay. And I couldn't do it. Like, I just, I couldn't do it. The lyrics didn't hit the way I wanted them to. The vocal performance didn't hit the way I wanted it to. So that's why I got gone on it, because I knew gone would fucking kill it, as he always does.

00:45:59:04 - 00:46:07:16
Enkay 47
And then I hit on my homie Alice, and I knew he was going to kill it because the dude has a voice about an angel, man. Did you know Alice's music at all? Like, of.

00:46:07:16 - 00:46:11:05
Aaron Pete
Course, big fan. I'm listening to playing on repeat right now.

00:46:12:00 - 00:46:21:03
Enkay 47
And see he's a we're talking about banks earlier, and he's just one of those artists, man, that has the full package. Like, he's just fucking amazing.

00:46:23:09 - 00:46:36:06
Enkay 47
I got so off topic, but yeah, I guess what I was saying is I was trying to recreate the emotion of I'm not okay and I you know, I had to call in some backup to help make the track what I wanted it to be.

00:46:36:14 - 00:47:06:14
Aaron Pete
Yeah, it turned out really well. You also have recently dropped fragments and I think it is a masterpiece end to end, because I think it is also a journey within itself. That being said, Demons is probably one of the heaviest songs, if you know, you know, and hearing that, it gives me goose bumps but I have such respect and admiration for you for being able to put that in the beginning.

00:47:06:19 - 00:47:17:22
Aaron Pete
And I, I just can't think of anything like it. Man. Like you're just, you're on a different level and it gave me chills listening to that. Well, how did that come about?

00:47:19:00 - 00:47:44:21
Enkay 47
So I was in the studio when I, when I made that one and it it was it was such a weird moment, man, because I had this instrumental in my files on my phone for like probably six or seven months or something, and I completely forgot about it. And when I was in the studio, I played it and I just started singing.

00:47:44:21 - 00:48:09:23
Enkay 47
I was like, I woke up at three in the morning and I saw Jamie and I, you know, we just made the track like in like five or 10 minutes. So it was so simple. In the very end, it was like we had to have something there, and I didn't I don't really know. It's a point and this is like right after I made I'm not okay, like literally like maybe a month after day.

00:48:10:08 - 00:48:26:05
Enkay 47
And I was listening to that in the studio prior to me making Demon and I was like, Yo, I need to I need to touch on this more because I just made one song about what happened, and I totally stop. It's it's just really difficult to bring out.

00:48:26:11 - 00:48:26:19
Enkay 47
Yeah.

00:48:28:07 - 00:48:56:05
Enkay 47
And when I, when I made that, it was like you know, when you're a kid and you go through something traumatic, you usually imagine that it was a monster. Right? Or it was a demon because how could a another human being do something like that, right? But then, like, when you're when you're a child, you can't really explain it to yourself, right?

00:48:56:05 - 00:49:16:21
Enkay 47
Like, it's, it's like, I don't know. You see a monster, you see a demon, right? So for me, that was what that song was about, was it was like, you know, it was a demon that did all of that yeah. Like so I'm trying not to get emotional. Like I did see like 5 minutes ago.

00:49:17:05 - 00:49:17:19
Enkay 47
I said I.

00:49:20:00 - 00:49:24:06
Enkay 47
Yeah, I think I'm just going to leave it at that. It's I that's cause you're of.

00:49:24:06 - 00:49:46:23
Aaron Pete
Course, man, I as I said, I think that these songs are incredibly insightful. And I've often been saying that when we look at horror movies, often we look at them with the wrong lens because there is a reason that the demon follows you when like three, you'd think of Ghost Demon. The demon follows you no matter what house you're in because it's attached to you.

00:49:47:04 - 00:50:16:08
Aaron Pete
And for so many people, the demons look different, whether it's alcohol or drug abuse. The demons may look different, but it's assumed a version of something heavy chasing you and the way you put it together. I don't I just don't think anybody's ever hit it on the nose. The way you hit it on the nose. And just to the most respect, the most admiration for the work you do, because I think that that's a lyrical, artistic genius at work.

00:50:16:11 - 00:50:39:15
Aaron Pete
And I just don't think I'll ever get the praise. I know it deserves listening to it and understanding and seeing it for what it is. So I appreciate you for that. Then you drop another killer song with a vengeance coward. And I think a lot of the time people do feel like they're they're cowardly. And we all like to watch The Avengers movie and feel like we're going to be the hero that follows through, that does what we need to do.

00:50:39:19 - 00:51:02:18
Aaron Pete
That makes the difference. But the strongest people are often the people who realize that they actually weren't that person that they weren't the person they wanted to be in the moment. They wanted to be it. And you see that with Eminem in his early songs. He's talking about how like he couldn't stand up for himself he couldn't fight the bully, but he could out lyric them, he could communicate them, which is different than being able to win the fight.

00:51:03:00 - 00:51:08:10
Aaron Pete
And I think that you hit on that song within in that song. What was the mindset putting that song together?

00:51:09:09 - 00:51:32:16
Enkay 47
Yeah, I mean I mean, Coward is another one of those moms that like, I just loved creating like oh, I was on YouTube, man, like Woman for like I literally was like our Slim Shady side, be like this, like that. And that was going to be a results that popped out from this guy named at best. And as soon as I heard it, it reminded me of Kill You by him.

00:51:32:16 - 00:51:38:02
Enkay 47
And if you know a song. No, it was like, don't turn around. It's like You.

00:51:38:02 - 00:51:38:21
Enkay 47
Don't Want to.

00:51:38:21 - 00:51:56:16
Enkay 47
Fuck was a great track or you got to check it out. But when I heard it, it was like when I was a kid, that song gave me so much power and it was like it made me feel like I was stronger than I was, you know, I was bigger than I was, and I was a I was a small kid.

00:51:56:22 - 00:52:16:07
Enkay 47
I was really timid. I was like, bro, I was like four foot 11, chubby as fuck with the bow. And, like, I like this weird sick thing going out like, it's like, you know, is it like this? Like that? I was the target of every school bully, bro. It was a problem. And that song Kill You by and now really inspired me.

00:52:16:07 - 00:52:30:14
Enkay 47
So stand up for myself, you know, and I just learn how to stand up for myself is the only way I can put it. So when I made Coward, it was kind of the embodiment of that track in my own way, if that makes sense.

00:52:31:15 - 00:52:52:13
Aaron Pete
It was beautiful. And you talking exactly about this moment where you were like, I was small into timid, but I'll never let it happen again. And that's that's the differentiator that some people never go through. That doesn't shape them. I was bullied as a kid, and I saw my bully like five years later, and I was right nose to nose to him being like, you will never make me feel.

00:52:52:13 - 00:53:10:22
Aaron Pete
I was afraid to leave my house I was ashamed. And if like, it felt like nobody could protect me. The one instance was my mom and my mom's friend were right there and he was bullying me in front of them. And they couldn't do a thing about it because it was verbal. They weren't going to go beat on this, this kid.

00:53:10:22 - 00:53:35:18
Aaron Pete
That was my age. And so there was nothing they could do to stop it. And in that moment, I was like, wow, like I am that my mom is right there and there's going to be no consequences. And other places I would go he would show up and threaten me and make me feel this small. And in that moment, I was able to reclaim that and say, there will be no moment in my life where I'll ever be the person that steps aside, the person that avoids.

00:53:35:18 - 00:53:57:03
Aaron Pete
And later in my life, a Subway sandwich shop was being robbed, and I chased the guy down the road and followed him, tried to get his license plate, and the police officer afterwards was like, You don't need to do that. Like they would have only taken. And I was like, no, for my own sanity, I will never be the person that steps aside, that let somebody get away with something.

00:53:57:06 - 00:54:18:12
Aaron Pete
I will do that until the very end because that's your integrity. You have to live with yourself. You have to go to bed. It's not about the money. It's about letting crimes happen in your community and trying to protect the world around you. And I had to go testify. And look, the guy who robbed us sandwich up in the eye as I told them exactly what I saw him do and why I chased him and all of the the back story.

00:54:18:17 - 00:54:27:01
Aaron Pete
And so those moments, again, I don't think they get the light when you you realize who you were and who you want to be and make that commitment to yourself.

00:54:28:10 - 00:54:29:00
Enkay 47
As part and.

00:54:29:00 - 00:54:37:09
Enkay 47
Call me back my that's fucking corps. Very like I was just like I was sitting there trying to advising you.

00:54:37:09 - 00:54:43:14
Enkay 47
Chasing this guy for robbing a sandwich shop. And I was like, this is the one of the coolest people I've ever met.

00:54:43:15 - 00:54:53:23
Enkay 47
Like, that's like, I don't want to interview you, but, like, grow. You got to tell me this story, man, because you just saw this stolen down here, like. CLERK No, man, not in my house.

00:54:56:02 - 00:55:19:15
Aaron Pete
Okay, so I think the the the back story is my close friend Jake. He's the first person I interviewed for this podcast. We used to hang out there every single day. Instead of doing alcohol, drugs, hanging with those type of people, we'd sit in that sandwich shop daily, drink pop and read the newspaper. We were the most boring 15 year olds, 16 year olds that are everywhere, and we would just sit there.

00:55:19:15 - 00:55:39:07
Aaron Pete
And so it was by myself one day sitting there, and he was pretending that he had a weapon on him. And kind of doing like this with it, suggesting that he had a gun on him. And once he left, I immediately just chased after him and he turned around. And in that moment I was petrified that he actually might have a gun on him because it was like there was nothing between us.

00:55:39:08 - 00:55:55:00
Aaron Pete
It was like looking straight at him and he didn't. So I was fine. And then I continued chasing the vehicle down the road, got on the phone with nine on one. And yeah, it's crazy that it's all documented. In Canada, the case is called RV Heatley, and that was the person who ran store.

00:55:55:12 - 00:56:11:13
Enkay 47
That broke when up filling up. I told you, you got to put that on your job resume and you got to the front of your podcast Home Page Light, and that's just fucking cool, man. How are we never talked about this before.

00:56:12:09 - 00:56:16:08
Aaron Pete
I don't think I've ever talked about it on the podcast before and ever so.

00:56:18:04 - 00:56:22:20
Enkay 47
I want to call my mom. I'm glad you like. How's your day? Oh Stewart, I was here is Mom.

00:56:22:20 - 00:56:26:15
Enkay 47
I met this fucking hero Clyde.

00:56:27:04 - 00:56:27:23
Enkay 47
She's cool, man.

00:56:28:00 - 00:56:46:12
Aaron Pete
That's no thanks, Bob. Well, speaking of doing something that's really interesting, your song Push ended up on American Dad, and I could tell that that means something to you beyond anything else and meant something to you. How did that come about? How did that song come about? And what did it mean to get on American Dad?

00:56:46:20 - 00:56:52:10
Enkay 47
So that was single handedly the coolest moment in my music career.

00:56:52:15 - 00:56:55:15
Aaron Pete
Was it planned? Was it like you talked to them beforehand?

00:56:55:16 - 00:57:21:13
Enkay 47
What kind of kind of night? It's totally random, man. So I love the show America that, like, is a kid growing up like Dad, South Park, Family Guy, favorite shows of all time in our hotel. But that's a it's a whole different talk anyways, man. So I was in the studio working on some tracks and and Di Skyler was talking to Brian Sharp, and he owns a record label out in Burbank.

00:57:23:06 - 00:57:40:06
Enkay 47
Yeah, he contacted me and he was like, man, so I have this opportunity for you and you're going to love it. So he called me. He told me, American Dad needs a song for further show for the next season. And I was like, What do I got to do? You know, just tell me what I got to do.

00:57:40:13 - 00:58:02:00
Enkay 47
And they sent me this really general outline what kind of a song they make. And we made the song, you know, shed like 20 minutes, like I was in the studio or with my girlfriend or at the studio engineer and we pull up this beep it don't stop me. I know this guy named only one, and we literally had 20 minutes like to make the track like they gave us 30 minutes total.

00:58:02:00 - 00:58:29:22
Enkay 47
I had 20 minutes to write a 10 minutes to record Mixmaster whatever we said. So this show and like an hour later we got the confirmation there are like yo like this is fucking amazing. We're going to use the song right? And it was fucking mind blowing man. Like such a cool experience but was sucked is we got the confirmation for the show and like Disney reached out, gave us the contracts and everything we signed, everything got is sent off and shit.

00:58:30:08 - 00:58:50:17
Enkay 47
But like we didn't get the confirmation that it was actually going to be in the show. We just got confirmation they liked it and were planning on using it. So I didn't know it was going to be in the show. And so literally the day I was like, the day that the episode dropped, Brian called me. I was like, Yeah, they're going to use in the episode and like.

00:58:51:23 - 00:58:52:19
Enkay 47
I don't know, bro.

00:58:52:19 - 00:58:56:21
Enkay 47
I don't know it. It was single handedly the coolest moment in my music career, though.

00:58:57:06 - 00:59:15:00
Aaron Pete
Yeah, you can feel it because the way you were talking about it and the way that they kind of premiered, it was really cool. But that must have been challenging to like let it go off and not know when, how and how all of those, and then to have it drop and not to be able to maybe like planned it out and have a plan around it.

00:59:15:00 - 00:59:18:21
Aaron Pete
It's just right in front of you. A few hours later, it sounds like yeah.

00:59:19:02 - 00:59:30:12
Enkay 47
I mean, I was I was on tour with an artist named Gremlin and Chaotic It and like I was in the green room in Seattle Chillin and my mom actually sent me a video call up and she was I.

00:59:30:23 - 00:59:34:19
Enkay 47
Was almost like in the green room practicing myself or.

00:59:34:19 - 00:59:39:08
Enkay 47
Whatever. And I saw it and like I just started crying man. I was like.

00:59:39:09 - 00:59:42:18
Enkay 47
Yo, like, we made it in America. That and then Gremlin.

00:59:42:18 - 00:59:45:06
Enkay 47
Which was the headliner for that spot where he comes up and he started.

00:59:45:06 - 00:59:59:05
Enkay 47
Filming me crying. He was like, I'm telling how you feel. And I was like, really bizarre. A man's world, woman cook whatever the fuck I said, it was a cool experience, and he was.

00:59:59:12 - 01:00:08:05
Enkay 47
Glad to have that happen. And so I actually see the years of hard work that you put into your craft, like pay just a little bit, you know? And I knew.

01:00:08:18 - 01:00:13:08
Aaron Pete
Absolutely one of those moments where you can kind of cherish and remember it and hold on to it.

01:00:14:02 - 01:00:25:07
Enkay 47
Yeah. I mean, it's like the, you know, the 10,000 plus hours that you put into this, like there's a really small sliver of something palpable, you know what I mean? Like, Okay, I don't like this happening, you know what I mean?

01:00:26:03 - 01:00:49:16
Aaron Pete
Absolutely. We have to go back to your Fragments album. One more drink. You have this really beautiful line about we we go through these problems, we face them, we have to overcome them. Then we sing about them, wash, rinse and repeat. It's autopilot. And it's going back to one of those previous owners it's this journey of having to be vulnerable all the time and figure out the truth.

01:00:49:17 - 01:01:06:13
Aaron Pete
Like, I don't even know how you would do that. Sit there and think about the problems you have and the challenges you're facing and then go, Okay, I'm going to talk about that. And I think it's it's an incredibly scary idea because we always talk about, okay, if you're going to give me feedback, I want some good and I want some bad.

01:01:06:17 - 01:01:22:11
Aaron Pete
But as an artist, you're like, Okay, I'm going to take these terrible things that I've just gone through the how am I going to talk about them? So if you can listen to it, it's like your whole world has to revolve around the bad things going on. So you get almost like a skewed view of yourself and working with a lot of police officers.

01:01:22:15 - 01:01:48:14
Aaron Pete
I know that that's one of their biggest challenges is they only see the worst. 80% of the world, they rarely see the regular every day grabbing a cup of coffee and nothing happens. They go into the darkest things. And I compare that to you because you're going to the darkest parts of your mind of the things you've been through and then having to talk about them and then do it again and again and again to no end and I think that that was a beautiful quote about what you go through marriage.

01:01:48:14 - 01:01:55:00
Enkay 47
Sorry. It's a really difficult, you know, just a difficult profession, you know what I mean?

01:01:55:00 - 01:01:57:03
Enkay 47
Like you, because I think it.

01:01:57:03 - 01:02:16:03
Enkay 47
Gives myself a skewed perception of who I am, right? Because it's like if you have one focal point and you just fucking view that focal point, you know, that's all you see. You know, right now I see your beautiful face, but like I'm making a song. It's like I see that negative part of myself and over and over again.

01:02:16:03 - 01:02:44:15
Enkay 47
And so it's so fucking ingrained in my brain that, like, I, I kind of lose sight of the positives of my life, of who I am, you know? So I'm focusing on that the worst 80% of myself instead of the best 80%. Right. And it's a really high price to pay for being an artist. But I think it's, it's so important that we have people in our society that are willing to do that.

01:02:44:19 - 01:02:45:04
Enkay 47
You know.

01:02:46:05 - 01:03:07:00
Aaron Pete
I couldn't agree more. And again, it just goes to how blessed we are that people are willing to take those steps and share their vulnerability so that we can feel understood in some way that we can feel connected. And in a few days, I get to interview a music expert who's going to talk about and break down how we process music, how we connect with it, what is the process?

01:03:07:04 - 01:03:29:03
Aaron Pete
Because it can make you run when you feel like you don't have any energy left. It can make you feel like you can get up when night life's not live down. It can help in so many different ways. It can help with dementia and so many just interesting issues. And that's why it's always such a pleasure to sit down with people like yourself who are doing the creating or doing the grunt work so that we as everyday people can feel understood.

01:03:29:11 - 01:03:44:14
Aaron Pete
But we have to switch to really positive one I think one of the most beautiful songs, love with Borderline because my partner loves is I love it. I think it is what true love looks like. Can you talk about how Love with Borderline came about?

01:03:45:01 - 01:03:56:23
Enkay 47
Yeah, absolutely. So when I made love with Borderline, it was I I mean, it's about borderline personality disorder, right? And like, are you familiar with Borderline or.

01:03:57:13 - 01:03:59:23
Aaron Pete
Yes, but if you could describe it for people who might not know.

01:04:00:23 - 01:04:30:18
Enkay 47
I am now smart enough to articulate that I like that side to that whole fucking novel or that knowledge, but I am borderline and it's, it's affected my life immensely. I constantly have this instability of self. I have a very high fear of being abandoned. I really bad mood swings, right? And because of that, I've always used substances to stabilize my emotions or to normalize who I am.

01:04:31:22 - 01:04:57:23
Enkay 47
Like, I'll leave a conversation that I have with the stranger for 5 minutes and ruminate about it for the next month. On how awful a person that was. You know what I mean? And I, when I made that Psalm, I was like taken back to all the relationships that I've had over the years and I was really just kind of thinking about how fucked up I was and how many wrong things I've done and just totally blaming myself.

01:04:57:23 - 01:05:18:13
Enkay 47
Right. And put in bed that heavy burden on myself. And making that song was kind of how do I put this? I guess it was kind of my realization of myself that like, I'm not a horrible person, you know, I just have a tendency to think I'm a horrible person. When I'm, you know, doing something. This probably not.

01:05:18:13 - 01:05:40:07
Enkay 47
Okay. And that song was kind of made for anyone else with borderline or you know, otherwise people that can relate to it in general that like, they're not horrible people for doing that or for saying something. Rumors or gaslighting like whatever you want to say, there's people, you know, in that kind of love with borderline. Yeah.

01:05:40:19 - 01:06:11:11
Aaron Pete
That's what I really appreciated is working in the courts one of the most common charges I deal with every day is domestic violence. And it's a very, very, very complicated topic because everybody's experience is different but it takes two to tango is the traditional thing that I see the most of most of my clients. It's two people involved, and it's exactly how you sort of describe in the song, which is go away in a way, come back and, and people wanting you to come back is them starting a new argument and causing different issues.

01:06:11:11 - 01:06:33:07
Aaron Pete
And, and that's almost connection for some people. In those dark moments is if you can start another disagreement rather than them leaving, at least you're still together. And all of that is unconscious. All of that is now being planned out but it can feel so hard to get back on the same page in so many of those moments that I think a lot of people feel like love is no issues, no disagreements.

01:06:33:07 - 01:06:54:11
Aaron Pete
No arguments. And there's a deep as we talk about there's a deep shame in those disagreements of who you are, of what you are, of what you just said and the quality of person you are in those moments can feel so heavy when you're in them and that you're attacked. And for people, it's often the person that you're the closest with they can wound you the worst.

01:06:54:15 - 01:07:15:03
Aaron Pete
They can make you feel like you're nothing like you never mattered. And comments like you are no good, you'll never be any good are just a way to destroy some of these past and present. And it's complicated. People are complicated. And the relationships we have are, I would say, beautifully complicated because there's true connection in some of the most messy of times.

01:07:15:07 - 01:07:29:13
Aaron Pete
And people are able to pick you up when you're down and you're able to pick others up when they're down. But it's mixed in with too flawed human beings trying to build something better than themselves together. And I think that that's the message I took away from that song.

01:07:30:12 - 01:07:34:14
Enkay 47
Yeah, no, you fucking you weren't situated it better than I did. And I made the song.

01:07:34:14 - 01:07:34:21
Enkay 47
That.

01:07:35:15 - 01:08:00:06
Enkay 47
It was really just talking about what life really is, you know? And I took it from the perspective of someone with borderline, but really I think it's applicable to anybody that is in a relationship because love is, you know, it's not only the good times, it's it's like the good and the bad. And I think it was actually Jordan Peterson that I learned this from since we're talking about him earlier.

01:08:00:14 - 01:08:25:17
Enkay 47
So in order to have a successful relationship, there is like a ratio of good to bad experiences you need to have. I think the ratio was specifically like five to one, like five positive interactions to five or to one negative interaction in order to have a happy relationship is anymore. And it's going to fail because it's too positive, it's too vague, any less, you know, it's going to fail because it's, it's fucking horrible to be around.

01:08:26:01 - 01:08:26:19
Enkay 47
Exactly.

01:08:27:10 - 01:08:33:19
Enkay 47
Yeah. No, I think that it's just loving yourself and your partner through the difficult times is what it's about.

01:08:34:10 - 01:08:52:10
Aaron Pete
Exactly. And you worded that perfectly as well with the song. Where are you talking about? I don't want this feature. I want to be loved when I'm depressed. And I'm anxious, I want to be understood. And that goes back to the song Self, which is this underlying theme of like, we just want to be understood. We just want to be able to come home to somebody who wants to see us.

01:08:52:14 - 01:09:09:06
Aaron Pete
We just want them to want to go the extra mile, not to ask because it can get into this like, oh, if you agree to do this for me, then I agree to do that for you. And then you have this could it's not that it's are they willing to go the extra mile when you're down and out and you won't ask for anything when you aren't willing to say anything when you.

01:09:09:10 - 01:09:23:09
Aaron Pete
I'm fine. I have nothing to say. I'll be okay. Are they willing to come through in those moments and not just leave you to your own devices? That's the real love that I think we're talking about. But you have a new song. It's coming soon. You have to tell us about it bad.

01:09:23:18 - 01:09:26:23
Enkay 47
I love this fall. We're going to talk about Cool.

01:09:27:05 - 01:09:27:11
Enkay 47
Bro.

01:09:27:11 - 01:09:29:19
Enkay 47
We talked about a lot of really sad songs.

01:09:29:20 - 01:09:30:07
Enkay 47
Over this.

01:09:30:12 - 01:09:45:04
Enkay 47
Last hour. It's stuff we've been talking like. I think I cried like twice. Just like I'm fucking a hype for this one. I like this is I so fucking excited that so no one can stop me. That's the record you're referring to, right?

01:09:45:08 - 01:09:46:20
Aaron Pete
I am referring to it.

01:09:47:07 - 01:10:10:02
Enkay 47
My man. Yo, so no one could stop me is dropping for 25 and like this with another artist and a rant like guy. I think earlier I mentioned there's a bunch of artists that I like collab me with because I look up to them in Duran is one of those people like every sound that I knew. Like I make a song every time I hear a rap, I'm like, yo, like how do I get to that level?

01:10:10:04 - 01:10:31:13
Enkay 47
You know? How do I formulate a verse? The same way that he formulates his verses and I want to reach out, so on. And he said he was going to do the record. I was fucking stoked, man. And on top of that, he got me his first back white the next day. Like that dude writes Bastard anyone to his verses to renounce long grows.

01:10:31:16 - 01:10:35:10
Enkay 47
Faith if it's not a short verse. And he wrote that light.

01:10:35:10 - 01:10:47:09
Enkay 47
In one day on top of having a family on top of having kids like bro, I'd say like a week to two weeks to write a verse like I'm sitting in my car for hours, like ruminating on the perfect way to articulate it.

01:10:47:16 - 01:10:48:01
Enkay 47
And this.

01:10:48:01 - 01:10:49:20
Enkay 47
Dude comes out of nowhere and just.

01:10:50:19 - 01:10:52:13
Enkay 47
I don't know, dude is fucking cool.

01:10:52:13 - 01:10:53:19
Enkay 47
Like, it's inspirational.

01:10:54:09 - 01:10:54:23
Enkay 47
And no.

01:10:54:23 - 01:11:17:19
Enkay 47
One can stop me is like, that's what the whole track's about. It's about, you know, creating a version of yourself. They nothing can stop right? Like you're impenetrable, you know? It's meant to create the feeling that you can overcome anything. And I'm just really fucking excited to release it's everyone.

01:11:18:10 - 01:11:26:19
Aaron Pete
But you're living it. Like, that's the crazy thing. It's not just that you're rapping about this concept, you're living out this idea, and that's how the how your verse starts.

01:11:28:03 - 01:11:48:08
Enkay 47
Yeah, well, I mean, that's what it's about, man. And he's like, you know, for years I've tried creating this version of myself, and I've tried building, and I'm like, you know, okay, I stop drugs. Now, I'm going to the gym, okay, I'm going to the gym. Like, now I'm reading, now I'm reading now X, Y, and Z trying to build the version of myself that I want.

01:11:48:13 - 01:12:05:20
Enkay 47
And I'm nowhere close to where I want to be by creating that song like No One Can Stop Me is like my mindset through all of it, right? Because no matter how many times I fall, no matter how many steps backward I take, I'm always going to do my best to come out of it as a stronger person.

01:12:06:01 - 01:12:08:05
Enkay 47
Right in that's that's the whole purpose of the song.

01:12:08:23 - 01:12:13:20
Aaron Pete
You shared it with me privately. Are we allowed to talk about a few verses, a few lines from it?

01:12:14:09 - 01:12:15:06
Enkay 47
Yeah, absolutely. Right.

01:12:15:12 - 01:12:33:03
Aaron Pete
Okay. So we've got to start with this. You looking in the mirror and saying, Why are you holding me back? I love that. I love the idea of that because it's I think it's true. I think so many people just look in the mirror and you're not enough. You're not who you should be. You're ugly. You know, where we're said, you're not you.

01:12:33:11 - 01:12:45:00
Aaron Pete
What are you going to go do with your life? I think for the most part, there's nothing in our system that's holding anybody back from doing what they want to do in life. Having for the most part, it's you in the mirror looking at yourself saying you can't do it.

01:12:46:05 - 01:13:05:13
Enkay 47
Yeah. I mean, it's literally like when I was writing that verse, bro, like that was literally what I was doing the morning before was like, why are you holding me back? Like you and I, you know, we've been together for 26 years now, right? And we've been through so much together and like I'm nowhere near where I want to be.

01:13:05:13 - 01:13:33:07
Enkay 47
And it's your fucking fault, right? Like this accountability in I, you know, I think the next line is like something about being fragile like, I didn't know it was glass, like my self image myself were. And I love that line because it's like, I don't know, man. I like your ego yourself, your self-worth, like, it's so fragile. And then people don't understand that they they build it up to this, like, impenetrable saying, but really, man, a spark.

01:13:33:09 - 01:13:41:22
Enkay 47
It's a painted glass like, if you smash it on the side of the road, it's down, it's in a million pieces, and then you have to rebuild it from scratch, right?

01:13:42:06 - 01:13:42:12
Enkay 47
Yeah.

01:13:43:13 - 01:14:03:17
Aaron Pete
The other line that I think is so important because you can say no one can stop me and people can go, Oh, well, you know, I've got this going on and I've got that going on. And, you know, there's this bill coming up and I don't know. And you can feel like, oh, they're interesting stopping me, but you have this perfect line in there where like if you're going to go climb the mountain, there are going to be storms, there's going to be stuff in your way.

01:14:04:01 - 01:14:17:07
Aaron Pete
But that's the mindset you have to have is that nothing's going to stop you despite the bad days, despite the people who want to stand in your way, despite the doubters, despite the costs, despite the bills. You're going to go make it happen. No one is stopping you.

01:14:18:11 - 01:14:42:18
Enkay 47
All right? No, that's exactly it. Man is like there are going to be storms and you are going to suffer. But like, that's arguably the best part of the journey because if you're not suffering, you're not going to be able to fully enjoy the benefits that you reap later down the road. And, you know, I don't know, a single high quality person that is not been through difficult times in their life, like not a single one.

01:14:44:15 - 01:15:03:14
Aaron Pete
I couldn't agree more. The most perhaps important line is everyone who has two sides of them. You decide who you want to be. And I think that calls people to action to choose who they want to be. It's in your hands. It's not dice being rolled. It's not the cards you've dealt. It's who you want to be.

01:15:04:14 - 01:15:26:04
Enkay 47
Absolutely. I hate when people say like there or do they say a man like they're a product of circumstance? Like, I think that's true to a degree. But like, I also think that no matter what cards you don't like, you can you can grow from that and capitalize on whatever situation and you have and you know, you can grow from it.

01:15:26:04 - 01:15:46:11
Enkay 47
It's like everybody has two sides to arm. You decide who you want to feel like there's two worlds, right? And one, wolf, is the pad side of you, the one that wants to run away from everything, the one that wants to do drugs, the one that wants to, you know, basically fuck God. And the other side is usually smaller arguably is a saying that we shouldn't do that.

01:15:46:11 - 01:16:10:19
Enkay 47
You know, maybe we are we should try and grow from this. Maybe we should go to the gym, eat healthy, whatever. And it's like whichever one that you constantly pay attention to and give feedback to, like that's the one that's going to grow. And I just think it I don't know, man. I don't want to be I don't want to be what I was five years ago, and I never want to go back to that place.

01:16:10:19 - 01:16:17:14
Enkay 47
So I need to keep feeding this this annoying fuck that's going to keep telling me to do stuff I don't want to do. Know. I mean.

01:16:18:06 - 01:16:41:04
Aaron Pete
Absolutely no one can stop me dropping April 25th. I'm so excited. It is such a banger. I'm so grateful that you were willing to do this today. It's been such a pleasure to build a friendship with you, to get to know you and to see how real and honest you are. I don't think that there's a more real person when it comes to being willing to experience the stuff you've gone through and be willing to talk about.

01:16:41:04 - 01:16:47:11
Aaron Pete
I think you're an incredibly brave, courageous individual and it's just been such a pleasure to spend this time with you today.

01:16:48:01 - 01:17:01:02
Enkay 47
Man. Likewise, bro. It was it was amazing talking to you, man. I'm so looking forward to playing so honest with you whenever I make it off to Canada or you come down to Portland or whatever. Man, thank you so much for having me on the podcast.

01:17:01:10 - 01:17:21:09
Aaron Pete
It has been a true pleasure. I think we've covered so many different issues. I think you're an incredibly insightful individual and I think we're really lucky that you're willing to share your voice the way you do. And again, we could never ask you to do it, but I've been personally inspired by you. I've run longer, I've gone farther, I push harder because of the inspiration in your music.

01:17:21:11 - 01:17:31:16
Aaron Pete
It's gotten me through the dark times, through the good times. And I'm just I'm so grateful to be able to flick on your music and be able to talk to you. It's just it's such a surreal experience.

01:17:32:18 - 01:17:34:00
Enkay 47
Which I can hug you right now.

01:17:34:10 - 01:17:36:17
Enkay 47
You feel like a virtual.

01:17:36:17 - 01:17:37:13
Enkay 47
Like a virtual.

01:17:37:13 - 01:17:43:19
Enkay 47
Hugger. The camera icon.

01:17:44:05 - 01:17:53:04
Enkay 47
I don't so awkward, man. I'm like, this is just how I am a real life, too. Like someone, I'll say something and I'll say something.

01:17:53:12 - 01:17:53:19
Enkay 47
So.

01:17:54:00 - 01:17:56:20
Enkay 47
Bit each other and then I'll kind of like a like this, though.

01:17:57:10 - 01:18:00:02
Enkay 47
It is something it should occur.

01:18:00:15 - 01:18:05:06
Aaron Pete
Like, do you have any do you have any other things that you're dropping soon that you want to let people know.

01:18:06:00 - 01:18:08:13
Enkay 47
Not yet, bro, but we go crazy.

01:18:08:14 - 01:18:13:14
Aaron Pete
Try something cooking, it sounds like. Can you tell people how they can follow you online?

01:18:14:00 - 01:18:30:17
Enkay 47
Absolutely. So my name is I'm Faulkner. You can basically look that up anywhere. There is not another motherfucker alive on the day 47. So just Google that and you're going to find me. And when you see this lovable face, like, that's who I am.

01:18:31:16 - 01:18:39:19
Aaron Pete
Couldn't agree more. Go check him out. I'm such a big fan. It's so crazy to be able to sit down with you. I'm just so grateful. Thank you again for doing this.

01:18:40:06 - 01:18:43:10
Enkay 47
Thanks again for having me, bro. Hey, like none of this. Before we go.

01:18:43:16 - 01:18:45:15
Enkay 47
Fist bump. My man.

01:18:48:03 - 01:18:52:04
Aaron Pete
So we didn't really figure out where these handles come from, but we'll keep searching.

01:18:52:19 - 01:18:59:06
Tim McAlpine
True. I like the four plus seven equals 11. That was pretty intricate.

01:18:59:16 - 01:19:06:20
Aaron Pete
That was more complicated than I think my brain was ready for. I was the figure of the math behind the scenes.

01:19:06:22 - 01:19:09:01
Tim McAlpine
I really enjoyed that interview. Well done.

01:19:10:00 - 01:19:35:16
Aaron Pete
Huh? I just asking the tough questions. Those are always the hardest to the most vulnerable and I could again, I think the songs speak for themselves, so it's tough to bring them up. But what a brave person to be able to talk about the things that he went through and open that door of conversation for others because it's certainly a topic everybody knows is real, but certainly not one that we talk about openly.

01:19:37:03 - 01:19:38:20
Tim McAlpine
I had this image of.

01:19:39:02 - 01:19:39:14
Tim McAlpine


01:19:40:00 - 01:19:58:08
Tim McAlpine
Of your story in the Subway restaurant, and and then he was talking about his favorite animated shows. So I have this picture of of like a two minute content made in short of the subway scene. In the style of American Bad or.

01:19:58:13 - 01:19:59:18
Tim McAlpine
Whatever one.

01:19:59:18 - 01:20:04:08
Tim McAlpine
Of those and Seth Macfarlane doing your voice as you gone after.

01:20:04:19 - 01:20:06:14
Tim McAlpine
And then the culprit so.

01:20:08:09 - 01:20:10:01
Aaron Pete
I think I could look pretty good animated.

01:20:10:09 - 01:20:11:05
Tim McAlpine
Yeah, for sure.

01:20:12:11 - 01:20:36:02
Aaron Pete
Well, thank you again, everybody for tuning in I hope that this opens a lot of opportunities for deeper conversations about complex topics. As always, rated on Apple Podcasts, Spotify and subscribe to the newsletter and go check out our new website w WW Dub Bigger Than Me Podcast Dossier. I don't know how to get the dot com haven't figured that out.

01:20:36:02 - 01:20:37:13
Aaron Pete
Yeah one that.

01:20:38:15 - 01:20:44:02
Tim McAlpine
Awesome yes you have to have a an aspiration of of where you want to get.

01:20:44:02 - 01:20:45:22
Tim McAlpine
To so that can be that.

01:20:46:17 - 01:20:48:16
Aaron Pete
That beast that on the table.

01:20:49:01 - 01:20:49:15
Tim McAlpine
Exactly.