What do you do when life doesn't go according to plan? That moment you lose a job, or a loved one, or even a piece of yourself. I'm Brookshields and this is now What, a podcast about pivotal moments as told by people who lived them. Each week, I sit down with a guest to talk about the times they were knocked off course and what they did to move forward.
Some stories are funny, others are cut wrenching, but all are unapologetically human and remind us that every success and every setback is accompanied by a choice, and that choice answers one question, now What. One day, this lady but dialect coach would come over to me when she said, would you like a tablet? And I was like, I'm good with my computer, thank you. Sure we don't want to table? I said, I've got I've got a pad, like if I want to take notes. She's like, oh, darling,
what you're talking about? So tablett? I should tell everybody? Is this I suppose the nearest thing used to called fudge in America? Budge. Yeah, it's like a mixture of I guess yeah, I'd say fudge, probably harder fudge like, But what it is is is actually all it is is condensed milk and sugar. Oh I know that is all it is. Yeah, and it's and there's a whole thing.
And scott Actually years ago I did my Me and my friend were a sitcom in Scotland called The High Life about flight attendance and one of the episodes was about a scientist who had discovered the perfect ratio of condensed milk sugar to make the perfect tablet. And this formula I was on a fluffy disc and the disc had been stolen. It was in the back of the seat in the plane. And somebody anyways, this whole thing
because well it's like a religion people. Your tablet there, your tablet is like you know, for it's for some women, it's like defines their very being. My guest today is my friend and favorite Scotsman, Alan Coming. Alan is a rarity in every which way. He's a legend of the stage who's managed to also have a very successful career in film and TV and audiobooks. I could listen to his voice forever. He's unapologetically himself and he really inspires
so many people to be the same. More than anything, though, Alan is resilient His life is rich with experience and full of vulnerability, be it in the form of stories from a difficult childhood in rural Scotland to his journey of self discovery and eventually self love. I am delighted any time that we get to spend time together, and I was so thrilled that he agreed to do the show. So without further ado, here is Alan Coming, Alan Coming.
I love you and I'm so happy I know you. Likewise, it feels likewise really, I remember when we well, when I first really really met you, I was doing Cabrie and I just missed you, and you just brought me into your world and invited media or fabulous parties and our mutual friend Carmine, and I just come and just felt so free and happy and well, you just created such an environment around just those you loved and cared about and made people feel like it's okay to have
a fun time. Yeah. I think that's become my sort of mission in life. Actually, you know, like I realized I'm quite good at making people feel comfortable and uninhabited and so and I really enjoy it, Like I love hosting people and doing all that. And then now my bar you know, club coming, my bar and these village is sort of a sort of an extension of my personality, I guess. And what do you think why do you think that that's a piece of life that is so
important to you? I suppose because I've found a way to let go and to be uninhabited and to sort of be sort of headonist in my life that's very ordered and very controlled. I find that really important. And I think being Scottish as well, that it's part of my DNA is to be to understand the value of letting go and having a drink and chilling out. And I think in other people you see, it's harder for them to do that. Do you think that it that kind of approach has helped the work that you do?
I do because it was interesting this past year I did this dance sort of thing. I did a dance, a solo dance theater piece about Robert Burns and it was so nice. Yeah, yeah, age fifty seven. But I during that you know a Q and as someone said to what are the things you're going to take from this working in this way movement? He and Dancy and take it back to your acting, And I said, well, I've realized I'm not a very precise actor. I'm a bit messy, and I actually think that's a positive though.
That's come from that thing about letting go and being uninhibited that I just sort of I go for it, And I realized when I was dancing, you've got to I go for it, but you've got to be more if that's the language you're talking, and you have to be a bit more precise. So I think it is quite a good thing to be. I feel I don't think they take things too seriously. I can, I can let it go, but when I'm in the moment, I'm
incredibly focused. But there's something about great choreography that is so precise that within the precision, you have to be able to let go and get it. Yes, Yes, because otherwise it's it just doesn't come to fruition the way
it's meant to. So, I mean, especially with something like Cabaret, I mean, was that the sort of the beginning when you got in touch with the physicality of what you Yes, I feel like I do sort of think of myself as a sort of physical actor in that I think about a character in a physical way, and I feel I tell a story by my whole body. And that's why I was quite excited to do a thing that was more you know, dance lead rather than voice or character. Lad.
So I've always felt like that. I always think about the way people move. I always think movement is as important as the accent or the thought. But also I'm not very good at doing it the same as everybody else. I mean that's a kind of I'm glad at the point. Yeah, come on next time. I'm glad as you're not you when you're not really an actor, but you know, like in terms of dance, like you know, I remember when
I was doing Cabet the first time. Well that's yeah, I know, all the girls were doing a number in the kick Kat Club and all the girls are doing it and I couldn't get it. And Rob Marshall, who's a choreographer, sort of said, oh, look, oh girls, look it's kind of interesting what Alan's doing. Maybe we should try what And I said, oh, you're just saying that because I can't do it the same as everybody else. And he was like, no, no, I know it, but actually I don't want to do it the same as
everybody else. And luckily I don't have to, you know what I mean. I'm the person that gets to do it just and it's just him doing it, so it's it's worked out pretty well. Do you think you always were that little kid that you still are today? Because I feel like you're so playful and so you're such a joy to be around, But you also want people to feel seen and heard for who they are. You make each person feel like the only person in your orbit. Oh that's nice. I hope. Yes. I feel like I
have always been like that. But you know, my childhood was really bonkers. I wrote about it in a book and everything my dad. It was very not my father's son. And I sort of feel that when I was a little boy I had to be more aware of adult things too early. I'd sort of to understand really adult ideas and to deal with adults, and to deal with things about adults that were I shouldn't have had to deal with at that age. And so I feel I'm
not quite sure. I feel in a funny way, when I got away from that, I all this sort of stuff came out and I stayed with me more so because I sort of didn't get the chance to do it then and also I really, as an adult understand how valuable it is and how it really helps us an adult, and it's something that we lose, as most people lose as they grow older. Is that sort of
fun and curiosity and kindness? Actually, I think to clarify for listeners who haven't read your book about your relationship with your father, he was physically abusive to you and your mother and brother for decades and he left a huge cloud over your life as a young person. Yes, and you just had one one just one brother, one
big brother. Yeah, just one big brother, yeah, Tom. And did he have to grow up quickly too in the same way or I think so, because you know he was also he was older than me, so he kind of was protective of me. So he was doing that as well with and then he got I mean, the worst part of my childhood really was when my brother left home and sort of then I was I was kind of just the focus of my father's attention. And how old were you when he left home? I was
like fourteen, but then thirteen fourteen? Still quite it was? It was awful, Yeah, that was. And did he leave your your mom or did your mom my mom? And know that my parents so weird. So they eventually split up, like but they split up. They told me they were splitting up two days after my twenty first birthday. You know that thing when we stayed together for you one thing to add right to your therapist bills. It's I
was so desperate for them to separate. All through my childhood, I was just I mean, I was just so desperate to get out because it was just awful. It was so violent and dark and terrifying. And I remember once that when something bad had happened my mum, we drove. She were going, she said, we're going to the cinema, but it was a big deal. We drove to this
town called Dundee and it was winter. It was snowing as we were, and it was something weird had happened at home, and my mom and dad had a big fight, and we went in the car and my mum said, how would you like to live alone with just me and View and Tom my brother, you know, basically leave
my dad. And I said what without dad, and showing yes and I would really like that, And just then the car skidded on the ice and completely turned in a circle, and we ended up in a ditch and it was just and it was never mentioned again, and it was all your fault. It was all my fault for saying, yes, my parents split up, so you know,
God came down and just stody havoc. But it sort of was one of those things that then when they did, I kind of felt my parents had sort of reached a way of, you know, living apart together and they seemed to be happier and they seemed to be sort of content in their separate lives living under it was quite a big house. They were able to do that, and he's still sort of raining down his wrath on you, and no at that point, By that point, i'd got like when I was seventeen, I left and went to
dramas school. And really when I first sort of left, when I was sort of earning, I had a job in on a magazine before I went to drama school for it. So as soon as I kind of was not his slave, because I kind of was my father's slave, I actually worked for him. He paid, I worked on the estate, and it was a very transactional thing. So as soon as I wasn't working for him, he kind of let up a little bit. He was still scary, and also I was more you know, I was sixteen seventeen,
he was. It wasn't violent. And then I left home and so I went drums called, and everything changed. But the idea that they would say to me, we have we waited till you were twenty one before we did this was heartbreaking to me, so so horrible to do that. We kid, Yeah, I remember, it's one of those things my mom told me. I dropped the phone and kind
of like fell on the floor. It was because I felt, Yeah, I felt angry that they were saying, you think you're doing this for me when it was the worst thing you could have done. And also, don't give me that. Don't say you're doing it because it's easier now, but don't don't bring me into it. Do you view him differently now that you're removed from that environment? I have to think, I mean, I do think that he was mentally ill, with some sort of undiagnosed personality disorder, no empathy,
and no responsibility for any of his actions. But it makes it up, say it makes it easier because it wasn't just about me. It wasn't just that he hated me. But it's it's it's but it's it's just I mean,
you know, it's it's a lot. I mean, we've all got our childhood because you've always been so resilient and I and I say, you know, it's interesting because you talk about life being a prize, not a gift, and and I like the word resilient just because survivor also makes me feel like we're always victims of things we have to, you know, overcome. And yeah, I like to think that I'm not a victim of my circumstance, that I had at least the strength to to be resilient
through it. I don't understand understand that it's not right and well, and it sometimes takes decades before one can understand. Yeah, did you ever have a because I mean when you were talking there, I sort of thought, yeah, I feel I am all those things. But there was a point when I lost it. You know, there's a point when I had a breakdown and I just as I remembered so many things as well from my childhood all at once,
did it all just come yeah, my little twenties. It was just I I was trying to be a father, actually I was trying to I was married, at the time, and I we were trying to have kids, and in the act of trying to make a child, all these things about being a father kind of came back to me and I and I was a very worried I was going to be like my dad, would I break
that cycle? All these things and it all came up, and I remembered all these memories and things that I'd suppressed, and I just kind of lost it for I had a sort of a breakdown for a wee while, and then I came out of that much more, you know, stronger, and I confronted my dad. With my brother, we went back and confronted him about the stuff that had happened. We hadn't seen him for years, and we said we'd like to go and talk to him together, so I
think he knew. And then we just had a you know, I'd written all Dinot once to say, and we talked to him. We had went on a long walk with him, and it was good in a way. It was kind of awful in many ways, grateful actually, but we left the door open and said, if you want to have a relationship with us, we feel that you have got to come back to us and try and help us. We're giving this back to you. It wasn't ours just to hold this pain, and so you have to acknowledge
that this happened. And if you want to be in our lives and have a relationship, then you know the door is open. But you have to meet us and come back. And never heard from him again. Wow. So in a way that was a gift because he I just he couldn't. He couldn't do it. And so though I was able to move on. So you have this nervous breakdown in your late twenties, how does that manifest itself? Oh? Well,
first of all, and sort of just reallyly depressed. I was having, you know, the huge after it's done back for you've been in cabaret in the West End and Hamlet and you're the talk of the town time everything. Yeah, and I'm just can't get out of bed. Arn. It takes me like an hour to decide what's wear and I'm crying and I don't know, I mean, just ridiculous. What did your wife she did she feel helpless? Did she? She? Yeah?
I feel helpless. She felt angry as well, because I was suddenly I was pulling the rug from und I think, I don't think I can be a father, and I don't know if I could. I don't know why, but I want to this relationship I can't do. You know, I was just everything because it sort of was like the person I was I realized was the product of some really terrible stuff. And so I had to like
change who I was. I had to find out who I was and make that my life rather than be living it was just understand and it was just a really weird thing. And so my marriage was sort of you know, it was going on pretty well, but it was just untenable. And then it was it was just I realized that I, you know, I sort of familiar in it. I thought some sort of controlling and someone who I loved very much but who didn't listen, didn't
listen to me. That's you know, that's to say, but it's it is very typical, you know, I mean my first husband. You know, they say, oh, you married your father, Well in this case, I married my mother in many ways, you know, because I was under his, his umbrella, his world, everything, and I was fine with it because I could just follow along. That's why you used to step behind. And
also it was nice not being front center. But now you were quite young when you got married, Yeah, twenty one, really young, And yeah, you must have been looking for some kind of like you said, like answer, I wanted security. I was in love and all that stuff as well, but also I realized now I wanted home, I wanted safety, I wanted kindness, kindness, and I had so all my life. I suppose I felt like so insecure about many things. I was I going to be hit? What was I doing?
It was going to engender the next bout of violence or what was I was just very insecure, but not insecure as like I was very confident and fun, but my actual core was insecure about anxiety. I suppose I can call it as very anxious. And so I think I went into that in just to sort of find a really a base, and I did for a while.
It was really, you know, good for me. And I think you also talk about in your book about not having regrets about any of the relationships, the good ones, the bad ones, or whatever, because each one of them has led you to where you are today, and that was where you were at that time exactly. And I gave it my best shot, and I and then ultimately, you know, it was a distant it couldn't it was untenable. And also I was, you know, I was saying a huge,
huge breakdown. So your new book is Baggage, which is wonderful. I love the first of all of your writing style and ability. It's at once very poetic and very deep and funny and irreverent, and it just it catches you. It is sort of a calling I think. I think people need to read your books. I mean, they identify with you on so many levels, and it's really honest, and I love how it doesn't have you talk about it not being all in a nice, neat pack, good,
what the happening, Hollywood ending? And I think that that's reality.
And also I feel what it reminds me of your book when you talked about postpartum depression, that it's people are so starving to hear people who are in the public eye and seemingly have it all and look successful in there all than the cover of magazines, and you are that all those things, but also at the same time, you're a real person and there's like behind that image, there's real stuff, and you're sometimes falling apart, and we I think especially in America, there's this pressure to kind
of keep the image going, you know. I think it's an example of that's the whole thing in microcosm. You know, like when you're at a party and it's a showbiz party and then there's a photograp when they come and say, well, let's do a photo, and then the pubs just come and take away your drinks. Yeah, and you think, why
would you take away drinks at the party? It's like party I don't want to go to, and me either, and I go, no, I'm holding this drink in this picture because I want people to see what I think. If you're thinking about it, people who see these magazines and think, oh god, this part is nobody trying, I know, to get back to our cocktail. So after the photographer goes away, that sort of thing is painting a picture of something that is it's taking away an element that
everyone does and it's real. And that's what I think. You're I writing about our lives and saying yeah, I'm you know, you know, famous and everything, but at the same time, here's all this other shits and you've got it too, and I'm not going to pretend I don't have it. That's another thing. I'm also going to say, I am actually probably a better person because of these things, because I feel like I'm more grounded and I'm more
I'm more flawed. It's like this, this a couple of years godd this film with Katie Holmes, and it's coming out soon. And there's the thing about it that I'm run a antique shopping it. And there's this Japanese sort of you know, pottery, if a pot is broken and they put it together again, and all the little bits that actually it is more valuable and more beautiful because it has been broken. And that's why I also Rakku raku.
It's completely filled with cracks about the whole thing, and it's how they fired in the kiln and put it in colder water and it shocks it. And that is some of the most valuable absolutely, And I just think as a metaphor the idea that your brokenness and your ability to joke about that and to be open about that makes you more full and more complete, and your ability to stay together with your brokenness. I had a Japanese, very brilliant rock who master teacher at college, and every
time I would center a piece of Clay. She would come over and knock it off center. I was just I was like, I wanted to save every perfect thing that I did. And she said, you're too precious. You're hanging on too tight. And it was this idea that you throw something into the extremes, but it stays together. And then the rock who Master thirteenth Generation son came to her studio and did a tea ceremony with us and he talks about the more fractured we are, the
stronger we actually are and better we are. Switching a little bit. Talking about your new show Traders. Oh yes, I mean it's fabulous. It's like this combination of its reality but you are this sort of larger than life characters. It's about it. Well, it's a sort of I mean, it's totally fucking can I see? Yes, you can to. My mother used to say, never say fuck in front of the baby's Yeah, you would have loved my mom. It's on peacock, right on Peacock, Peacock. Everybody Peacock. And
it's a sort of a peak. It's like a reality psychological competition, reality show Murder, Murder, Mystery in a castle in Scotland and basically, twenty people come. And the thing that's weird about it, well, one of the many things the reason I'm in it, but I'm hosting it, but I'm not like hello, I'm a coming welcome. I play this character, this sort of dandy Scottish layered in pink, ridiculousts and sashes and berries slippers, and it's supposed to
be my castle. And I've invited these people and I quote Shakespeare and Plato and all these things, and it's just nuts. I camper. It's the campus thing I've ever done. And that's amazing that that's coming from you. That's and so basically it's like that game Mafia. Have you ever played?
So it's like that. So I taped three people on the shoulder around all this table and they're the traitors, and so every night they have to kill, you know, pretend choose who's going to be murdered, and so they don't appear the next morning, and they go in a turret and they've got cloaks on. It's ridiculous. And then it's a round table and every night all the contestants choose someone to banish, and so another person goes and then and during the day they do these tasks, so
you know, you look hard. I don't think I would be a buried alive. I would never be able to have that. And they get the maggots, and then as the woman on the wheel, the fairest wheel going around round, and then the last one they have to jump out of a helicopter into a freezing loch. Mean, it's not it's just like hearing yourself look look, but you can
win a quarter of a million dollars anyway. It's just it's sort of it's obsessive because my thinking of why it's obsessive, aside from my fabulous outfits and my you know, quoting of Shakespeare just being the campus thing since Christmas, is that we see people lying and we you know, we don't normally get a chance to just look at people blatantly lying when we know they're lying, and also
seeing how well or badly they are lying. And I think that's got a lot to do because we all lie in life, but we don't we never all together look at people lying. And I think that's what it's about. It's the whole thing is filmed in Scotland. How important is it is your Scottish heritage to you hugely. I mean I feel also the older I get, I feel more sort of more connected Scotland because I've been I've lived outside of Scotland much longer than I actually have
lived there. I have a little, you know, place still there, a little cottage, and I go back a lot. But I feel the fact of going away from you the place you're from, kind of makes you understand what it is about that place that defines you. So I understand
why I'm Scottish. I understand for thing. And it's partly when I came to New York to do cabaret the first time, a lot of the things I was being celebrated for, like I was different, how I sounded, my accent, my attitude with all things that I realized that living in London, I'd slightly played down or were slightly seen as less than and I was slightly derided for whereas here I was celebrated for them. So that was a
really interesting thing for me. I thought, Yeah, it's good, it's my accent is nice, and it it's good to have these values and it's great to think differently about things. And and so I've I've I've over the years realized what it is about me that is Scottish and how that has been such a big part of my success, and also about who I am as a person. And so I feel very Scottish. I love how Scottish you are. I mean, I just I love being around it. I
love listening to you. I love you know. But it's because there is something unique to us, you know, as me and just being an American, you know, but you know you sort of hear it in the traditions and yeah, and also I say, there's a thing I said, it's one of my conscience. But like being Scottish, it's like having all the tradition and history of Scotland and it's ground up and it's in the matter of your bones. You know, it's not it's just there. It's just something you.
It's like being a New Yorker for me, exactly the same. Yeah, you just feel at home in this city and you feel that energy is part of you. And I feel like that thing of when people come to New York and some people just don't get it. Some people say it's not for them, and other people are like, oh, I found my tribe. I'm here this is and that, and that's I think similar things with Scotland. I I've got friends and they're going, oh, you know, it's it's okay,
but actually I know, I think they're nuts. But it's sort of the energy of the place. That's what similar to New York. The energy you feel it well, the loyalty of the people and the authentic of the people, the welcoming and I always say, you're a New Yorker if you love it here. The minute you say I love it here, yeah, you're a native. I mean absolutely, That's what we that's how we do it, and that's
how I felt in Scotland. You know, I just felt, well, you're like, yeah, I can see because you your game and you're open to life and you love it we drink, and you love having fun and you're kind. You know, all those are Scottish qualities. I think, yeahs and many different sort of cultures have that. But I call the show now What because we've already talked about many of
them in your life. But I'm so fascinated by those moments where we are just the rug is pulled out from under us, sometimes in a positive way, even but those now What moments in your life that you really have to ask yourself, how am I going to go through this? What? How am I choosing to get through? Is there any other now? What moments that really stick out in your mind? Well, there's been a few, I suppose.
I sort of when big changes happen in your in your career and you're sort of used to something and we've both been doing this a long long time, and you know, you're when you're when you finish a long job and or a long series or something that's something that's going on for years, and you're like, oh, I'm still looking forward to a break. I'm still looking forward to a change. And then the next pointing, holy shit, I'm never working and net work again. And also why
does my hair look so bad? You know, when nobody's coming to brush your hair or some of that. But I think of those quite a lot. And also I had a time when I was in a actually just saw probably rounded by the time we first met, I'd been in this very toxic relationship and it ended. I finally got out of it, and I just thought, I remember, yeah, and I just thought, now what, Because I am so obviously bad at this, I keep having these terrible relationships. It's not like you've had a lot of you know,
models to know you got to learn. But it was mine. Now what kind of made me realize I've been doing the same thing. I've been trying to fix people. I've been trying to change angry people. And that as soon as I realized that, and I just thought, I'm not too bad. I've got my issues, but I'm not going to and I don't want people to change me either. And so as soon as I realized that, that was one shortly I met Grant. Yeah, and that was husband,
my lovely husband. And you know, he's the first person I've met who I have had a relationship with who actually hasn't wanted to change me. I know he'd like to sometimes certain things. And there's this thing that happened
a couple of years ago. I so I was in Edinburgh and I was doing my concerts, and I was doing a club coming my sort of party show and how sort of you know, with guests and the band, and I was djaying and when I do that, it's late, everyone's dancing and them was drunk and I body surf, you know that thing when you crowd crowdsurfing. You go out of the body like in a marsh pick, like a much you go round the whole thing. Everyone's holds
up with your hands. And I was wearing a monkey outfit and it was so fun A little nod, yes, okay, exactly and so and it was on social media and things like that, and my friend Eddie called up Grant because Grant was back. He wasn't with me. Who's in back here in New York? Said Grant? Have you seen on social media? Alan is crowdsurfing in a monkey suit, obviously drunk three in the morning. You get killed. Yeah, you're not anxious, You're not worried about this. And Grant said, Eddie,
you know, I am a very anxious person. Obviously, this freaks me out on many levels. But Alan is a butterfly and we have to let him fly. Oh I know, I know, and that that is just the most lovely thing that he wants to stop me doing that. But you understand I need to do that, and that's a part of who I am. And that's part of your prize because you have to earn it and you have earned it. Yeah, and what do you think your through
line is in your whole life. Like when you look back, I feel like I am What you see is what you get. You know, I think I'm always the same person. My circumstances have changed, but I feel I talked to everybody the same. I'm trying and engage with everybody, and I feel I've just I feel I'm a real person. I'm an authentic person. It's exhausting sometimes you're putting quite out, but I feel that's my through line is just I'm not going to hide just because I'm well known or something.
I'm going to still engage with life. I'm going to do the things I want to do. I'm going to confine people's expectations. I'm going to shock people, I'm going to piss people off, but I'm going to be who I want to be. That was the delightful allen coming. If you want to see more from him, including some legendary outfits, check out his new show The Traders, streaming now on Peacock. If you want to hear more from me,
well subscribe to this show. Now What with Brookshields on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Now What with Brookshields is a production of iHeartRadio. Our lead producer and wonderful showrunner is Julia Weaver. Additional research and editing by Darby Masters and abou Zafar. Our executive producer is Christina Everett. The show is mixed by by Heed Fraser h