You Did What??? (Drunk, Comedy Shows, Sh*t Shows, Multiple Personality disorder)

It's so hard to be in a booth and be gay. And they don't talk about that. And that needs to be some dialogue in like the twittersphere for people who want to be broke. People need to hear about I've expected to strut down the street, right? You know, I can't do that. I look like I'm coming off the field. I look like I'm looking at coach. Like lesbian now. Welcome to She's

Not Doing So Well. Comedy podcast featuring Bobby. I don't want to be viral. I want to be inspirational and life changing. Because Listen, I'm at a GE

gym on the top. What can I say? Finally, he's just like, you can unfollow me if you don't like my body. The mess.

Oh my god, tell me all about it. You're right, but you like mushroom shape.

Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of She's Not Doing So Well. I'm Bobby solo. But not for long. Because before ms went to LA, we decided to record a little piece because something happened to Ms before he went to LA. I can give you an update. He's doing amazing out there. If you're in LA, I mean, I think you're gonna miss all the shows. But you should have went. Oh, and also my partner Michael joins in. So

Go ahead, say it. Please tell me Miz that you have watched cooking with Paris on Netflix.

I have not. He doesn't watch TV. Um, trust me. I've tried to get him to watch so many fucking things. But I

heard that lady. Yeah, I only watch housewives. So this is on the same level except better. So I'm not a fan. I really encourage you to encourage you really encourage you. I really is it Paris Hilton's mom on like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. She's a friend on the current season. Yeah, Jesus crow.

So she makes an appearance with Nicky Hilton on the six episodes, so please watch it.

I'm obsessed with Kathy Hilton. So okay, well,

I well. It's so good. It's like the simple life but smarter. smarter.

Well, she's like on the cryptocurrency now.

Paris. She's like making she's gonna be a billionaire. Probably from crypto like she's so stupid but so smart. No, see, she's so smart. She's stupid.

She's so smart. She knows how to profit right? He knows that people are going to watch it and love it but she's the genius behind the scene. No anyone else says otherwise they can go suck on her millions. Because when

she's serious she talks seriously when she's not just like oh my god. How do you get your voice so high?

You went too high with the inflection is that high? No, it's just flat. Hi, guy. That's how I want to fuck this knife goddamnit

Oh who sing fucking knife? No like when she's trying to stuff She's like a king so I want to talk about a few like Ms. Had a night first of all like,

I need a doctor. He needs a medical attention a night on the George Washington Bridge. How to go No.

Been there? No, he doesn't know where he's at.

You know what? That's so true. No one can confirm or deny where guys last night where you asked what the Holland Tunnel or maybe?

Like honestly, maybe you're in Jersey. Oh my god

could have traveled interstate like unclear. So give us a little background about what happened last night. Okay, here's some background. I had a virtual comedy show which was I had something I had to get blackout for obviously. here's here's the root of the problem is I went to Barry's boot camp yesterday at 640 and then did not and just immediately started drinking. Yeah, that was that was the real downfall cuz then I got like Lipski So then my

Yeah, I'm just gonna like go out and throw in there really quick. I did tell you to have like one right? I was like, just have like one white claw right? To give you a little to give you the feeling Why are you so I told you to only have one and then as of 930 last night you started texting your your fun shenanigans and my usual meltdown, total meltdown. Total. This is the meltdown you're talking about. Yeah, I was like I'm gonna talk. Like, off the ledge. What I guess

Don't you talk to me You talk me off the ledge, like plummeting off the wrong direction. Oh, yeah. But that was like morning relative to where the night ended up. So then the show happens at 1030 it all goes great, whatever. Then I decided that I'm gonna like go out and meet my friends at this bar at like midnight. And I only now time right on a Tuesday like, you know, just sauna Tuesday. Okay, completely unnecessary. I big plans for the office today. And we're berries tonight. No, we're

actually gonna go to the office. Yeah, I

was gonna go cuz I was gonna go to bearings in Chelsea. And oh, we're gonna get lunch with my work, friend. But that all came to a screeching halt. When last night occurred. Okay, so so yeah. Do you remember your shell? I remember the show. Yes. It's hard, like blackouts are weird because there are pieces of the evening that are so clear to me. And then pieces of the evening that I just cannot put my finger on like Absolutely. I've no idea where it is. I

I mean, I think a natural blackout though happens when you are like on stage or you're doing something that's like you're talking and everybody's eyes are on you. I was blacked out too. And I'm like, was I good?

hearing more details, because all I understood from this was comedy show blackout. You somehow survived.

Okay, somehow, okay. Somehow, so then we're out and in me my other friend like break off from this group. Okay, friend and I, my other friend and I break off from this group, and we go to gardenia terrace. Oh, get there at like 1:15am. And it close to? It's like 10:15pm in Pacific time. So that's fine. Right. Right. Right. And it was closing so we sit there for like 45 minutes and then like, whatever. Then was your friend

there the one that I'm at?

I had no idea who was working. Absolutely. No, I know. No, I don't know. I don't know what I drank on a Wyatt. We smoked I have no idea. But then this is where all starts to get a little hairy is I allegedly went to a diner after gardenia terrace. evidenced by my credit card statement I'm not actually I don't remember going but I did. Then I allegedly went to a grocery store and spent $30 on on God knows why I've no I don't have grocery Wait. Wait,

I didn't know that part.

Yeah, one of the Morton Williams I went to the grocery store after the diner. What did you get? like chocolate milk and oranges? No idea. Probably like a bunch of food like a bunch of snacks to munch on on my right.

Listen through it through it. Like through. You know, I

was wondering if my time off anything. I don't remember. I mean, I have no idea.

I'm more curious about the diner because diners are amazing.

I only spent 6099 of the diner which begs the question why did I get a meal? like like like labor? Margarita?

No, they're $24

by the way too cheap. I know. I and my friend was not with me. Like I went alone. As that confirmed. Yeah, he's like, yeah, we departed at gardenia.

Did he tell you that? You were like a fucking shit show?

Well, he didn't know see that's the part about my shit show that they generally happen like in private.

Yeah. Like I saw like, you were able to handle it.

Okay, but that so holsteiner post mortem. Williams. I don't know what happened. However, the facts are. I lost my shoes. I lost my blazer. I lost my phone. I twisted my ankle. And the exterior of both my ankles are like cut off. Like I can show you real quick. Like, I get like washed now. The ms took a tumble. What like do you see that?

Oh my god. That's deep.

Yeah, this is on both on both ankles. Like I'm only on the outside ankles. That's enough. So I don't know how that happened. Like I think I got hit by I think I got hit by something. Did you get hate crime? or something? Oh, and then and then there was and then there was mud all over my jeep. It's like all over my chickens. Keep going. Okay, so I wake up

And then I was like, Oh shit, I don't have my phone.

Id so that's how that's how they knew that

out and then my Boston we should like lol like are you alive? I was like, Yes,

I guess I must have just dropped when I was running.

I lost it on my run.

Well and the other thing I wanted to think about for a second what what dawned on me was that also previously in the previous moment, you also broke your laptop Yeah, then I spam I yeah,

I have a new laptop on Friday because because I flipped the fuck out of grubhub and slammed my fist down and my drink went all over my computer.

So alcohol has caused you to

cost my company multiple assets.

Yes. But you know what at least your fucking numbers are right

please the number the right pitch my boss apparently thing now i think i think officially she knows I'm like a disaster.

Like after but you're like a good like you're not a good disaster but disaster was lost. You get your shit done.

Right? And like we were like on a call. I was like presenting and talking about revenue while pinging her like lol my phone's lost. Like

I no idea and so, I'm gonna present Oh, you're presenting numbers.

on a screen. It's just like the most Abbi and Ilana thing I can think of. It's just so New York like you're just

a shit show. Because all you do is go out and eat and drink. Let's literally

have what like three summers ago, I lost my laptop out at a gay bar as I was sucking dick in a bathroom. And then gay I like left the laptop in the bathroom that we were like, it's also the night that I pulled my ass. Like I pulled my abs like muscle like glue. Like I pulled it I couldn't walk into the mean of guy like go on to these other gay bar and I'm like, oh fuck my laptop like it's back at therapy which is

and I was summer 2019 like was pretty low point

that was like my mental breakdown. If that's the was that one you know?

I feel like that is when we met you. That

was when I was just becoming obsessed with rebar rebar.

Yeah, because then I text you that January when we were in Yeah. So like I met you when you're in the middle of midst of your

yeah cuz that was a lot of break when Ms was like a thing and like I hadn't really gone into comedy yet though.

That's the only thing you're right because it was like I think I'd met you only like four months before Yeah, I started texting me like it's your birthday and I'm like I'm scared to meet him

No, I like lost like wallets like my ID all the time. I used to leave like credit cards open at bars like all the time like I was convinced I did that last night but I didn't somehow

just I know like you're really lucky you gathered your possessions by now

average here

Yeah, like I mean so you woke up at your apartment right

in my apartment with jeans on that were covered in my but what else though?

What were you lacking? What are you wearing shoes?

Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, my shoes are gone. And what else is gone and my blades are gone. No right yeah,

did he say that and corral I'm sorry. No, like it's more of an important part of the story that you're muddy and I wonder if you don't like rolling around in Central Park or

rolling around some somewhere?

Do you get random I'm like really nervous that you got like push down something more

honestly we have no I don't understand how like one could have been to have both my ankles be like scraped like

don't go by yourself in the largest city in America.

Okay, wait in my diner charge at 2:37am and my oh my god, I'm Lauren Williams. charge of that. 2:49am your must have walked home barefoot or something like where the fuck are my shoe? Are

you in Georgia? Are you in this homeless person?

Yeah, my friend was like, people probably thought you were homeless. I was like, honestly probably. starts. Didn't have a blazer on evidently because I've lost it. And I'm just going to tank top muddy, muddy shoes. Blackout. I mean, on a Tuesday night. I know how to show we're not anymore. I know.

He's laying down the dad hammer.

Now I know. But you know what's remarkable. It's somehow my air pod survived the entire time.

I think that'd be the thing. I'm for odds. Thank you, Apple.

This is my fourth party all the time, and they survived. So

I got a text this morning on Instagram. And I'm like Mrs. Like, hi. Oh, already? Oh, my God. Hi. Like, I need help. You mean, like, What do you mean, you need help. He's like, I need you to call this number. His name is like XYZ. And I need you to set up a time and place for me to meet him, like my secretary. So that I text the guy and I said, Hey, I'm the guy's friend that you have his phone. I just want to set up a

girl from my company, who who emailed me and he like

hung up really quick, though. So then I was like, Okay, sounds like I was looking at the matching numbers. I was like, that's the guy so then I called him back. He deleted me. He like instantly put me into a voicemail. And then he started texting me. And I'm like this bitch, but I did know a little New York lingo. The Upper West Side or UWS? Yeah, it took me a second he goes, are you in the Euro? Us? And I was like, the fuck is UW USA? Like, what are you trying to fucking say here

the key was just providing him my email address that was here. Yeah, just let me just tell you I had to go down there. Meanwhile, I'm like hobbling. I like get down the Shake Shack. I'm like, limping all over the fucking street looking for this guy. And like, you know, when you like, think that you see someone you know you're like, like, who like is that you? stare at each other for like, 30 seconds. And then I'm like, Robert.

Robert, it's like you

think Yeah, and this man he like, brought my phone. He fully charged it. He had it in a little bag. And he's like, make sure on your cards and still there. Hi, gay. That's so nice. Wow, that

is really nice. You did he go down. And then he sucked my deck off and I blacked out again. And then I lost my phone again. And it's rajas Hall.

It's straight up Roberts asshole. Honestly, I cannot be God love

the citizens of New York like a neighborly brother. Now what is it called? That's Philadelphia. Yeah, brotherly love is Philly.

I've had several instances like this though. Okay, the first one. Back in my losing shits spree I lost my Full Wallet like, you know how used to have a huge mother one devastating like I still, I used to have like a huge leather wallet, right, zipped up. And somehow I lost that. And did personally messaged me on facebook saying, hey, however, while I'm in the East Village, I'm like, Okay, great. And for some reason, I thought, like, I couldn't Uber, because I lost my wallet. But like, I have my

And then Are you kidding?

It's like, it's like 2:30am and I'm like, you guys want to get drained. So like no. And then another time, some girl found my license outside of charisma, which is a hookah lounge. And she like Facebook messaged my dad. It was like, Hey, I found your son's driver's license.

Well, my mizzi I know and then

the last time I lost that same wallet, outside my friend's apartment and the doorman like found it, but I wasn't at her apartment. It just happened to be my apartment.

I just I'm still trying to figure out why it was one street down like while you're on was one tree down like did a drop out of like, like,

I don't know, imagine me walking like barefoot black out with the banging out of my mouth.

Raise you like fall and your shoes fell off. You didn't realize uh it's weird that you're muddy like that and New York there's only a certain spots where there's mud. I know like there's no dirt.

Like wet. So I was wondering like how long was my phone like sitting out? You were man found it. You wrenched out of the river to get fished out of the Hudson River. Oh,

my God, he got motherfucking fished out of the Hudson. This is like your worst nightmare.

Oh my god. Yeah. And that's how my ankles got scraped. I'm like rock on the

rocks underneath and they pulled you out and saved you but then they made you walk all the way home and you dropped your shed

and I dropped everything. Oh my god. might be what happened? Well, never now.

We'll never know. But sometimes I want to strap a GoPro on you and just see where you go in the night.

This is what happened on Tuesday. Let's wait for this Friday, which is Friday 930

in the air. Oh, I'm so afraid to say Wait, you direct flight? Yes.

Thank God, God Milan, New York.

Like I don't want to fly. I'm so scared. But wait, the way my life was going? I'm like, yeah.

Kennedy JFK. You know,

it's so far it's so fucking hard.

I like new work a lot actually. Love new work. Like I seem like it's easier to get there it is though. Because you just like swing around. I mean, new works. I mean, it's better than LaGuardia. LaGuardia is like in the middle of nowhere like, but it's in the middle of everything. I don't know how to describe it. It's not you can't even get on like the trainer and what I will say. I will say LaGuardia was really nice when we were there last time was a construction. Yeah. Yeah, so one

I don't know. Because he hasn't fuckin told me. I asked him every single day for a year.

Tell me here that you were just saying it was your birthday three weeks ago. I don't know what I want. But you should surprise me with something. Well, I'm

taking you the dinner tomorrow. Oh, my game. Okay, I want my gonna take me to dinner.

Well, when you only come to New York, we'll take you to dinner.

I literally needed somebody to take care of me this morning. I needed like,

I felt like I filled those shoes. No pun intended.

I mean, just like you need someone to just be completely open to taking care of an invalid aka yourself, right?

I need a nanny. Yes.

You almost need like a babysitter for the night. Yeah, I follow you around and shadow you and go roll around in Central Park or something you need like a chief of staff like she Yes. You need a chief of staff,

Chief of Staff for like, please

organize my I feel like I could be stalking you. expensive hobby. Please

set up a meeting with me and this man to collect my phone. Thank you. I

could easily do it. I did it. I did it with ease. I was like, Hey, I'm setting this up. Thanks. And I was doing my real job too. So

I was like at work like,

I'm a project manager. So I just like know how to like multitask.

But the worst part of this whole thing means I can't work out now. You can still work out.

I didn't. Like just you like his ankles are broken, Mike.

I know. I'll do a lot of arms and abs.

Yeah, you got two arms with that tattoo, baby. Gotta get ready for the LA crowd. Oh my god. How do you love your tattoo? Oh, I love it. I'm ready to get tattoo in LA. I love it too.

So what's the purpose of it? It's like some like abstract impressionist, it's like someone whose minds fully scrambled. But can I say something like holding their mind? Right? Like she's just like, like sulking with her. She's

like, there's so much going on. And that's how interpreted that's that's like this is brain.

Yeah, just like mush and scramble brain

and this is your brain. Okay, and

it's okay, you know, and that's the whole purpose of the tattoo. It's like it's okay. Exactly. It's

okay, that's why I have mine. It's fine. It looks like a posse. Um, okay, so one thing though, that I think I haven't I want Mikey to explain since he's a doctor. Explain it, Mikey. I really do think I have hyper fixation. What I mean, what about like, what is it first of all? Well, when

you go back to linguistics, so hyper.

Hyper active.

Sure. Extra fixation. fixated on something. Yeah, you're extra fixate, but I

think I'm hyper fixated on hobbies. Yeah, because it's, it's also you know what, fuck you. That's so rode. But what what's your ultimate question with that? Do I have it? I think a lot of people have it. Like if you had to diagnose me with some kind of mental thing, like what would it be? I don't know if the DSM five is great at that day. It was actually nobody gets that job.

I like it. I don't get it. But I understand

what it means. There's like some Encyclopedia of like medical shit and it's not like classified. Yeah,

I like it. What would you call it? What would you do with it? as specified

oh I think you have psychosis it's like opposite of narcissism. It's like hatred ism. yourself. Ms hates themselves.

I literally do.

Like he doesn't understand how talented he is. He doesn't stop it now. Like what is Jim doing? I understand it on the cover of our podcasting, but you're not involved today, honey. I just suck off. Yeah, Jen. Good luck yourself. yourself tune? Um, I don't know. No, I

think you're it's not an issue or anything but you hop from Hobby to hobby that you

that you've done with it. Okay, I'm gonna I love her but like she needs to stop. I don't know what this new barking thing as you dig the hole out back at all. That's mean. bury her

and say it if you're not gonna go there. Let's kill her.

I want a tattoo of her. I want dinner. We're gonna have hot dogs. June hot dog and dog eat it for dinner. I know. That's my little pita don't come after us. Beat Ah, so you didn't answer my question. Thank you. Thank you, Mikey. Thank you, Mikey. This bears repeating. What is it? What is white? The question again, I asked you what kind of psycho we want to know you want we want you to diagnose us is what we're trying to

I think you're just you. I don't think you need a specific diagnosis right now. Because there's nothing that's the same answer. No, but there's nothing that's like clinically debilitating about what you're doing. I mean, sometimes you can. We all can go off the wayside sometimes. But the difference with a lot of psychiatric and psychological diagnoses is disability and functionality. like can you still function and do what you got to do? gay?

Yeah, unclear. Well, unclear. Yeah. No, I think you're pretty good. Maybe I do. Maybe, maybe that's the words. But honestly, after last night's text chain, I don't know who's worse. me. Are you at this point? So

I don't know. Why are you included in the mix? Why is Ms. No, you for being the worst? I don't know. We know them as is the worst. Yeah, I

am like the definitive work. You're not though. I

don't know why I believe in you more than anybody, like more than you believe in yourself. Like I'm so like, I think you are so talented. I'm here to affirm that you're absolutely the worst. Thank you. Like, if you're not the worst, you're just not the best.

I'm definitely not. No, I'm not first than your last.

But I always say, Oh, great. He's setting up for his la trip. He's like, Well, I'm not gonna when he last night, I mean, literally the text where I saw it. Nobody loves me. You're so happy. Why can't I be happy? I fuckin hate everything. I'm so bad at comedy. I'm quitting everything. But then there's a pause. I know what it is. So then there was a pause. And then I get a text later that says I won. Because it was a contest that he was in that he was. I know

what you have. What is d ID? What's that? dissociative identity disorder? Oh, my basically, it's the formalized way of saying you have multiple personalities. Oh, great.

I mean, I could see that. Yeah, I'd love that for you. You can be like several things. And you are. I think you could be actually because you could you do wear different hats. Like you're like, Oh, I'm gonna count and then also I'm a comedian. And also I'm just gonna go blackout and get cuts on my feet. And just like you're where a lot of different hats.

That's gnosis Oh, get you a podiatrist. Thank you. What can I take for that?

Advil? Oh, for your D ID. Yeah. You got to get like a Madison. lobotomy lithium. I don't know what a lobotomy is. Anyone? Do you want one bomb a lobotomy? Yeah, a lot of bottom up bottom. Do you know what a lobotomy is?

isn't like brain surgery. Mm hmm. What?

Yeah, that's like back in the day. Whenever people were like, let's hammer No, whenever people were like, oh, you're crazy and we didn't know what to do. Like they would do surgery where they would go up through the nose train, like the front part of the brain. Oh, like with the hugs like the Egyptians. I don't. did they do that?

He gyptians used to take a hook and put up the nose like when they I'm bombing them and pull the brains out.

Like to make them a mummy.

Yeah, like they'll pull it out of their nose. That I know they don't want to open that head up.

Yo, I need a lot of me.

I need a little bottom me.

How much do they cost Mikey? we owned I don't think there's a price because that's malpractice. So Allah bottoms are you can do them.

Yeah, we can do aect for you which is electroconvulsive therapy.

I think what do you like shock me? Correct.

So when you're being bad and you're what you're saying to blackout will shock you. Two fingers up your sink? Your teeth?

I think it's the other way around.

To in the paint to for the pink. Honey if you're like you're a gay male with an asshole like we're going a fist in the ass a fist just fist in the hand.

electrotherapy or fist?

That's fine. Just probably do the track.

You made me all I needed like a good old fez.

I just don't know how that's possible. I really don't Crisco Josie,

and literally like tub of large, flat just,

like scoop your whole hand and dip it all in and then you're just yeah. Bad noises like saying like, it's disgusting.

I mean, it's gonna be a little squeaky so it's gonna be like, Who? After that's all done imagine how like clear you must feel like you must get like a sense of clarity after I feel like you shit your brains out though. or something? Well, I

guess you should be cleaned out all the way. I mean, I feel like if you're gonna get fisted, you need to use my

hair. Like it's like a day or two.

You need to take that medicine that they shut their brains up before like a colonoscopy. I feel like that's the same kind of like situation you need to be in. Like, I don't need to have anything in your body.

I just like don't like I can barely stretch my asshole around a penis. Right? Like, imagine a fucking best.

I feel like No way. Oh my god. No, never say never. Michael that's enough. Michael David.

Michael. David. Michael David. After you consume June you can do all fifth.

Oh, let's eat the dog and then fest me. That sounds like a really bad look for now.

What do you want to do tonight? Let's eat the dog and fez scrambled

eggs in June. And fist me later and fish me later. Is that oh my god. No, it's not. I'm absolutely not gonna. I'm gonna start taking fiber on the rag. I just keep forgetting

you should I'm telling you fiber. Hmm. Isn't there like a pill called like pure or something?

Huh? So yeah, there's one pair for men. Yeah, it's all the same thing. It just has a lot of fiber with it.

We have to take the ones the Kirkland brand that has like give or take like seven fucking pills a day six, whatever. And I don't want to take that many. Costco, Costco Brown. I'm sorry. You don't have those in New York. You have Diwan Reed's

there's Costco is in New York. It's the one it's Duane Reade. Okay, so Wayne, did you call it Diwan?

She lives in LA we're gonna do Henri Diwan right it's a joke okay. It's called like comedy get with it. I hope it is Dwayne. Don't mon comedy look it up like look it up like look at ms like ask him about comedy comedy here tragedy.

tragedy. I need to like workout that

or want you to like girl push ups on your knees. Why do we have to be sexist about it? Oh, true. Jesus. Well, and I said girl again, right not women. Push Up sore or non binary push up. Push ups on your knees underneath me push ups. Okay, fine. Yeah, see, I we grew up in this hetero normal like gross masculine society and it's so hard to break doesn't mean you have to perpetuate it. I mean cavalierly sure you I'm sorry. Wow, I'm sorry. I that I really good job. Good job. gay.

Yeah, cuz I'm with one of my friends who like is not a shit show.

Wait, we're in LA. Are you going we're saying we have a bad Yes. Are you gonna Are you any Airbnb

network on a hotel with a rooftop pool that overlooks the hills. Oh my god.

How much tonight is a read something? figured maybe, maybe. Maybe. I need to send us a link. Just bring me on.

I've stayed there. But as far as I wanted to

go for my birthday, Michael.

Michael, David member. I

said Yes, I did. I said I want to go to LA to see Mrs. I saw. Oh, wait, no, you did mention that but like I claimed back to back Bobby. We're going In October so what a fucking entertainer I gotta get out there entertained her. We've got to get out there

and we would die we would run

we Whoa,

we literally have to go to Fiesta Cantina it's the we have version of a rerun.

Of course you have your Marguerite is on standby. Oh yeah. Well let's get on a plane and go we can leave tomorrow night.

Cool. Father I'm going I'm going to a Henny and talk of party on Saturday.

Oh what a honey and tacos party hemas like Henny like Hennessy.

Yeah. Where's this? The parlor? I don't think it's in Hollywood. not last. Oh, fun. I can't wait. We're gonna go. And then we're gonna sir, which is Lisa vanderpump. restaurant. Oh, my lighter, I hope. And then say Monday are the shows. And then we're going to go to a Dodgers game.

You're so perrolli I'm so jealous of that.

I love Dodger Stadium. I

love you love baseball. Oh my god. Oh, yeah. Just like the alcohol that you drink at the baseball game.

Only at Dodger Stadium because they have it's all like like Latin themed, sort of like churros was like tacos. His kids. He has his mark. Like it's everything. God you.

I hate the dog. I mean, I love them, but I hate them because I actually love the giants. Huh? Wait. Okay, this is way better. It's now called like Oracle Park. And

I never Castro. No, I get fucked in the Castro again. Again,

again, and then I'm winning the Grammy Museum. And then oh, that's fun. I'm going to pump which is another one that you submitted probably through a friend's comedy show Wednesday night.

Where is that? Are they all flappers? Now?

This one's actually only a mic, which I've never been to an open mic. Participating in an open mic. But she's hosting it. So I'm gonna go watch her. That's

interesting. So you could just go up there and do whatever you want.

Yeah, that's like what I've never done one now but everyone makes

me feel really uncomfortable. So wait, you're going to LA from winter when?

from Friday to Friday? I actually haven't gone I haven't booked my flight that

how do you afford flights? Are you taking the Greyhound?

I just haven't brought it because that could I may stay through the weekend.

Like you probably oh we're not recording for a long time

because I have a lot of other friends who I'm not seeing because I'm going with my friends so like

yeah, and then even a trip to Columbus you dumb bitch. Remember you're supposed to be here like next weekend

I literally was in a company birthday and

then I didn't and then now you're staying in LA forever. How fun I don't come back. I'll be there in October and I'm going to talk hockey in your company and say that machi working remote

Yeah, I mean they don't care. The mandated work from office got pushback, right? Like November

right? So it's like oh, just like sell your apartment sell it sell Why couldn't you work at Sandia? Yes, they let you

um yeah, I have no I totally would but I applied for a job in New York. He did. They don't have operations but they have like obviously like Sony Pictures in LA. Not not any like a corporate

function. Hey, Mikey, Mikey, you don't move set and make noise as well. Don't touch anything. You don't want to interrupt me as he might fucking snap and leave.

I might walk out and then go blackout. I was actually thinking about shrinkage. But I feel like I shouldn't feel any reason why I really

hope you don't fucking drink tonight.

I don't think I well, but I want to because my foot hurts.

Okay, but that's not a reasonable guess. Guess who's drinking two more row? We are I'm off on Friday. We're going to Long Island Thursdays at the gay bar so I'll be black tomorrow night.

Oh my god. You have like a messy night like I then I need like to feel better. The problem is is

that I'm 37 soon so like it's not that cute of a moment for me as much as it's like it's not really that kid anymore when for me but you're still closer to that age group.

Imagine walking on the street last night in the CEO.

I didn't like the video somewhere from like Evil Dead that had like a chainsaw for an arm. You're definitely on the Instagram story somewhere. Yeah, like you know the funny you fucking rat you are. Oh my god, like fucking no like, dude, he makes fun of all the all the people who like are at the market. You're like, look at that. God,

that was me. People were filming. Oh my god, I don't think I passed anyone. Like would have been like, oh my god like I'm so embarrassed that's like a walking people probably looked at you and they're just like gotchas and our Tuesday night

if you're up at four o'clock in the morning New York, then you're obviously saying, How do you probably got like, right? Oh my god, I don't even know what happened.

Happened me I also like I genuinely want to know like, how long with my phone just like chillin

on? Well I know cuz it doesn't seem like it would be that long. Oh my god, did you check your grinder and see how many

I didn't. I got my phone and I had like 57 texts. I was like, oh my fucking like I can. Are you? One of them? Like, are you alive? Well,

this is your typical mo after our show. Like he'll do a show and be like I want and then you don't hear from him for like 48 hours. You're like, Okay.

Well, okay, so I need your advice on one more thing. Okay.

I'm ready. Okay, it's asking me all right. It's the show. Like me, thank you.

So I had like so because I like presumably like binged last night on like diner and grocery store food. Okay, I hadn't eaten anything until 5:15pm when I had an Asa evil I like want something out. But is that like ban is it bad to get nutrition is that

Yeah, stop it. It's not actually a fan.

Like just to make up for last night's consumption

Well, how much is your off site Ebola where the fuck you say it?

It's like 700 calories I think

okay, so get somebody else it's like a lot that's fine. So you need to be healthy and it right now I think it needs some foam but that's one of the most important thing instead of drinking just right one Mark just have like no because think about your marks like think about how much calories you drink like so just have a burger and call the fucking night we're gonna get before Mr. Oh my god if you get drunk tonight I swear to god I'm turning off my phone

well I was like maybe as our as a reward for going through all this trauma. I'll go sit at like Rosa mexicano and have like chips and guac and Mr.

Yeah, cuz that's all it'll happen and then you'll limp your fucking ass over to some other fucking place some hookah lounge and then you'll be they'll be like, remember when you probably fought the hookah lounge? Oh my god you're gonna be in so much trouble that's why I asked if your friend was there because I'm like Remember last night when I got when I slept in New York. Oh, Mike he's like sitting by Mikey thank him I carry gin. Thank you for filling in. Love you're filling in. Love

Well, you might see me in your fucking operating room recovering my ankle.

Well, we need you to just come here first. Yeah, show up gasworks is calling our name

that has your name on it and over and 100% Do they have gas in there too? What do they have? Looks like a food truck and just think of food inside of the bar. Okay, thank you Mikey. I'm not actually a fan. Thank you, Mikey. And thank

you June for running the whole entire segment by crying in the background. I can't wait

for ruining everything.

We just have like a full fledge like

a whole fucking episode.

Yeah, it's a different vibe. But I mean, fuck, and Jim never showed up so. And he's like, I'm peeling or something. I'm like, What

do you mean? Are you like burned?

I have no idea. Just like show up at the door. I thought we were recording. No bitch.

No pitch. We're not ready to order like not

like I'm the sky Can't you know it's disgusting is how much you drink last night. That's disgusting. And you know what else is disgusting? How many calories that was because it's a minimum of 1000 calories. So nachos. When I get my nastiest nachos at the maximum. It's like 1200 calories. I can guarantee and get like a cleaner Nacho and still stay below 1000 calories and just fucking don't drink.

I actually tend to believe that nachos are like not that bad. Because like it's basically like, if I were to go to a Mexican restaurant, have some chips as like the app and then get like a plate of like steak and cheese.

Right? That's all Yeah, I mean, it's really not as terrible as you think. Sand burning it's something burned. You smell Nacho I smell food oh my god I smell toes I mean I'm having like a oh my god stroke or something

yeah oh my god but okay maybe I'll work out and then I'll just do your push ups and sit ups or like crunches

well you know what you should have thought about that on your 16th shot at 4am okay I should have you probably got to oh my god I can you probably got a Corona and something at the diner like there's no way well actually it would be more expensive unless you were like I'll take a piece of lettuce and a Corona I should

fucking see if I have any pictures on my phone.

Oh my god please I kind of doubt it. I

kind of doubt it.

Do you ever take pictures? I always take pictures

I don't have any pictures like I do that

on purpose like I'll purposely have my phone out and I'll hit record randomly or I'll like because I just love the like juiciness of it You never know what you're gonna get

never I know I should have documented much more you shut up wow I'm so mad. Like my story or anything?

I mean I'm glad you're alive as well. How am this ledger live? I hope you have a great trip to LA my gonna tell you to do good because I know you're gonna be fine. And

I'm just I can't decide if I should change it.

I wish I could hear your side but that means I know like a late night like zoom and I just like I'm tired at my

I know I like I'm so sad that it was at 1030 last night that's late

I'm so fucking late Are you really is when you're like have to be like in a decent mood and then you're like did Jocelyn go? Yeah, of course. I love Jocelyn God I need to get her out we get our own show all of our moms on the show at the same time or Mother's Day show my mom would be so nervous so well my mom I don't be freaked the fuck out so happy surprise episode.

right now the only problem is I'm like not bringing the stuff for us. We could record

no I know another thing you don't have Oh, are you a carry on only kind of gal?

Yeah, play fucking lost my bags last time. I'm not checking shit. Oh, wow. So you really don't want to LA x stay fuckin lost my.

If you had a backpack you could probably but I don't want you to bring I want you to have fun there. I don't want you to think about the podcast and all the hard work that you put in during the week during doing that. I'd much rather you just didn't I mean, just focus on your career. I'll hold down the fort. Don't worry. ain't going nowhere. I'll hold down I'm actually really excited cuz I'm really hoping you get some content out there. Like I'm sure you'll have some good stories

although I'm not going to like I thought about texting that guy that like fucked me last time and beyond.

But I haven't talked to me

last night like me last time at the Honda. But my staying in a room with people.

So you go to his room.

Or he like lift?

Watch. He lives in this huge penthouse in the hills or something like, Can you imagine he's like, yeah,

maybe I'll try to fuck like an old guy who lives in the hills.

I got an old guy that lives in West Hollywood. Oh, I can't remember his name right now. But I know if I asked him he would remember but he was texting me as of like, last summer. Well, I need to have I know. But I don't know if you would like him.

Why? What's his like deal? He's

just a little cleaner wants to know. Who's the guy that does the Tim Gunn Do you hear? That is like the fashion guy. That's like Heidi Klum? And then there's like an older guy. Well, cool. I thought you want Bravo. So I'm sorry. Is he a housewife? comedian? Yes. No. Not at all. He's a fashion designer slash I don't know guru. Wait, is

he like hard to like old Ambrose?

Are you talking about what are we talking about here? Tim Gunn or the guy that lives in we Whoa, there guy. He's retired. He works at the museum part time for fun. He's an older gentleman. He's retired and he's ready to the museum of art or something. It's like a big music. You hate museums. But guess what honey museum once you get those gummies in you in LA go to a museum because the best time of my life I've really had is that museums fucked up. And I did it with you. And in New

Laying down now like my favorite.

They're like, um, you need to like set told us like set up or

something was something I think we got yelled at for masks or something. We're like, Oh, sorry.

He's definitely got the marble. Like, don't

touch that. We're like we're taking a nap. at

a place called kioto. Yeah, okay. Oh, hi. Oh, Joe or chi ha, ha, yo, Joe.

I mean, a strip. Oh, it's like, it's like, it's like a neighborhood in like Cuba. And Miami. Wait is a guy like hot? Now? What is he wearing would be?

I mean, I'm assuming he's got money. He's just retired in LA like, and we Whoa, I mean, it was expensive as fuck. So can he like,

Okay, all right. Can you like refer me? Like,

I'll try. I can be your assistant here. This is where I'm Chief of Staff. And I'll be like, hello. I've set you up on a date. Yeah, he likes going to the happy hour. I'll just say that.

way. I'm like,

Oh my god, you've been to the Abbey.

We went to one gay bar, which is where me and oh my god. That's when I did this weird thing when I like dance with people were like, put their hands down my pants. Like I did like dancing and I grabbed her hand. I put it like on my penis. Like, no air pass. Yeah. Wow. That's why I reach back and do it. Like I get very handy. Yeah, and that's where the guy and I not met but started having like a connection.

Well, yeah, you're connected. All right. You fucking shoved his hands down your pants. I mean, that's connection enough, babe.

I know. And he was like an audience member of the show. It was so bad. That's hot.

Oh, that's actually really hot. You need to go to the abbey and go to Mickey's which one did I go?

I have no idea where the fee is again. He have like a gay bar. But it's like I don't remember. Where is it at? It's like right next to um,

I don't lie so confusing right there.

It actually might. It's next to a gay bar series.

Or let me say hamburger Mary's.

What's ham? burger.

It's another gay bar.

Oh my god. What are you Did you already eat dinner? No, I'm

starving. Well, what

are you going to eat? I don't know. I think Mike's making Indian or Indian.

I don't really want Indian food right now because my belly hurts. And I had Mexican for lunch. Oops, sorry.

I'm already in Mexican for lunch. I

have nachos. I didn't want to tell you that. I want you to get like.

Yeah, from where?

I'm at with Casey. Remember, Casey, my old co worker that like left me and I was devastated. I met her for lunch. Yeah, Bob. Hold on. Okay, I got it. I'm

Rob. Okay, bye. No one's gonna sit and look at Africa. Oh, you should

just get nachos. Right? Yes. Again.

He lives right next to Mickey's okay.

Nikki's is a great Vanderbilt was there that's like a dead stop. It may be friends with these people. You need friends I could never have to like it's part of the gag. Bam. You want to make a better fake? You got to talk to these people that have power because they can get you they can lift you up a little bit. Gotta be like, hey, oh my god. This is so much fun.

I know. And instead of being like, more like

that, yeah, I mean, you like to lie. So why don't just lie about your liking people? Well, right. manifold. It's like a lie. Man. Even little lie, but just like, give a little login a little sugar when it's needed. You know what I mean? That sounds like an old man ever heard. I was trying to be like, cute and funny. That was disgusting. Give him a shout. Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. Okay, well, alright, hit. Stop record. Okay, stopping record. And that's that. Thank you so

Show me Show me. Show me. Show me. Show me some damage. Zima Do you see me shot Same goes on that guy will me ride me Show me Show me Show me Show me some you know on a beach but I go by and I'm always hungry in a no fly a bag and make deposits into Mr stadial girlfriend ya see a check in I just Tokyo came official issue with me in is she made a chop down a tree blow and Leslie blowing don't pump big if you don't own it and tell me tell me