The Courage To Hear “No”

When I am willing to endure the discomfort of talking to a wealthy person about giving an extraordinary amount of. The ability to do that, the courage to do that, to withstand the pain and the discomfort of that moment comes from being focused on who I'm doing this for and why I'm doing it. So it comes from. Being centered on the community you are serving and your purpose and who you are doing this for, and that it is actually urgent in life saving.

So I have some hard hitting questions for you, that are gonna hopefully help you to determine if you really need to ask for more, or if this is just something you can just phone. You need to get clear right now. Is your work urgent or isn't it? Is this work life or death or is it not? Is this really life saving what you're doing or isn't it? When you can answer those questions, you will develop the courage to hear no or you.

It really is that black and white is, is the work that you're doing truly desperate for your community, or is it not? Is it worthy of 6, 7, 8 figure investments? Is it worthy of your discomfort? Is your community worthy of your pain? For me personally, the answer is 1000%.

I am willing to ask for more and hear no and be rejected and hear a lot of no's actually, because in terms of my work at News Story raising funding so that vulnerable low income families, can actually have a safe and permanent home is absolutely why I am willing to overcome my fear and face it head on when I think about how there are parents who are in Mexico who are living in a makeshift shelter.

And are in the dirt, and every time that it rains, their entire life stops and their kids can't go to school. They can't go to work. Their kids get sick because of the water. This is all preventable. They do not have access to sanitation, to clean water. They're not safe. They're more susceptible to violence. I think about those families all the time.

I think about and picture in my head a mother who is huddling in a corner in the dirt and the rain with her children and she is crying out to God and she is saying, God, please help me. And there is a hurricane coming The work that I do and whether or not I choose to ask for more directly affects her answered prayers. It is that dire. It is that clear that is the line, that is the direct relationship to what I choose to do.

When a donor you know, says no. And whether or not I choose to give into that or push back on it directly affects how long she stays unhoused. Do you see what I'm saying? Some of you think that you don't have to raise more money. Some of you think that you don't have to ask for. And the truth is that it's not you who's really going to be dealing with the pain of this Here. You're gonna have momentary discomfort and it's gonna be over the people who are really paying the price or your community.

So you need to decide, is it really that life or death? Is this really urgent and important, or is it not? And you will get the courage to hear now. It will become very, The other myth related to great fundraising and major gifts, is that the best major gifts fundraisers get? Yes. All the time That they just get a bunch of yeses. The people who raise the most money are always hearing yes, and I cannot tell you, there is nothing further from the truth.

I raise a lot of money and I hear no, probably more than everyone listening combined Okay, Maybe not. Maybe that's an exaggeration. Here's what I want you to understand. Yes, lives in the land of, no, you do not raise a million dollars by asking for a million dollars and getting a million dollars. You raise a million dollars by asking for 10 or 12 or 15 and getting a million. Now, ideally, you are connecting with people who are mission aligned and who are ready to give, and sometimes.

Even after the best preparation and building the best relationship you possibly can, things change in that person's financial situation, right? And you wouldn't be privy to that. There is no way for you to have known, and that information is revealed as a result of making an ask. So you ask for more and they say, You know what? we just put our aging parents into an assisted living home. And so we are footing the bill for that.

And it just happened this past week, and so we can't give more right now. Now that may have never come up in any conversation, and it was a recent life event that took place. And so the answer is no. And that's the way the cookie crumbles, right? It's not fat. And I know that if I'm constantly asking and I'm building that habit, I'm, I'm continuing to persevere even when I'm hearing no, that I am getting closer and closer to a yes.

When you are not hearing no, you are not asking for enough and you're not raising enough, I guarantee you're not raising enough Those of you who never hear no and you only hear yes, you ask for too little and you don't ask often enough, and a lot of my listeners are relational savant. They love to build relationships. They're great at building relationships, and you don't ask because you're terrified to do. You don't wanna hear No.

And you don't really hear no, because what you ask for is so small that the donor doesn't really need to think and pray and consult, talk to their spouse. They could just be like, Yeah, sure, here you go. Here's 5k. Some of you are not building relationships with people, and that's why you don't ask. You don't ask because you're like, Well, I don't really have a relationship. It's super awkward and I don't wanna make this about the money and make it transactional. It feels weird. You're right.

That is weird. Don't treat people like a machine with. learn the habit of getting to know your donors and including them in your mission, and you will be ready to ask when you need to. The people who are so afraid of hearing no, it signals to me that you don't really ask very often because you think that no means something that's so terrible and so fat.

It means that you've failed or that you're bad, or that they don't like you, or that they'll never fund you again, or that you've ruined the relationship. But when you ask a lot, you hear no more often, and you realize that it's just a moment. Of course, it's disappointing. That's natural, but it's not fatal. You can absolutely survive it and everyth. Is an opportunity including hearing No. If you handle no, well, you will maintain the relationship. You will strengthen it.

I'll give you a couple examples of what I mean. So I had a client who went through Courage Lab and inside my program, right? Courage Lab, the first week is designed to get you a $10,000. The first week of Courage Lab is designed to get you a $10,000 gift, and I teach you a framework on how to make phone calls, how to write emails, how to have donor conversations and donor meetings that build the relationship and that results in major gifts.

And my client, Monica, was going through Courage Lab and. She knew she needed to call this donor. It was part of the challenge for the week inside my program, and she was absolutely certain that this person was going to say no. And she used my framework to have this conversation, and she made an ask for $10,000 and the donor said yes on the. And Monica comes back to me and comes back to her cohort inside Courage Lab, and she's like, I just got a $10,000 gift. Oh my gosh.

She said Yes. Ah, and it was because she was willing to hear no, that she got to a yes and trusted my framework and trusted my formula. And it worked. Of course it did, because. People actually don't want to say no. They want to be helpful. They wanna be able to give the people who say no, it pains them. They're like, Man, I wish we could give more. I wish I could do more. I wish I could cut you a massive check. It's just not possible right now.

And if you learn how to handle that with grace, it will strengthen the relationship and that will pay dividends. That is tens and th tens of thousands, hundreds of thousands of dollars in future revenue. Based on how you gracefully handle the rejection of hearing? No. Right now, I'll give you another example, another Courage Lab client. his name was Brandon. Brandon went through Courage Lab and asked for a pretty large gift from a donor. They asked for a million dollars.

And they'd saw that these donors, the Johnsons, it's a really philanthropic couple here in Southern California and they had been giving seven figure plus gifts to different community organizations. But they had yet to give to a seven figure gift to my client and Brandon. We, we work together, use my pitch framework, ask for a million dollars. This is the first time that Brandon's ever asked for a million dollars, and the Johnsons say, No, we've already made commitments this year.

we can't, we can't do it. Time passes, Brandon runs into the Johnsons at a gala, at a different charity event, and they're catching up. Oh, it's great to see you. How are you? Oh, how's it going? How's the. And then Mr. Johnson says to my client, Brandon, you know, I just wanna commend you when we turn down your proposal to give a million dollars. I really appreciate the way that you handled that.

You know, we get asked all the time to give really large gifts and when we can't do them, Sometimes, what often happens is the relationship with a nonprofit gets awkward and they become distant. They don't pay attention to us as as much anymore. It just gets weird, and thank you for not making this relationship weird. And my client, Brandon was like, Oh my gosh. Yeah, of course.

We're so appreciative of who you guys are and the friendship and, and all of the things that you've done in the past, and yeah, we're, we're really grateful to even know you. And then time passed, months went by and Mr. Johnson calls up Brandon and says, Hey, Brandon.

We just had a wealth event and we actually are looking to make a charitable gift and, and we wanna give it to you guys and, you know, we are gonna be making a contribution of 500,000 and it exemplifies to me that if you are willing to hear.

If you handle no with grace and with love and with kindness, and you maintain and strengthen the relationship with that human being who wishes that they could do more, and maybe right now they can't, that that result that pays off, that affects your bottom line. This is something that my clients experience all the time. Your willingness to hear no is what is stopping you from raising more money.

If you only hear yes, you're not asking for enough, you're leaving a lot of money on the table and you are not most likely inspiring, exciting, challenging your donors. In a way that will grow your mission exponentially. And so my challenge to you is I want you to get clear on how urgent and desperate and vital and life saving this stuff really is that you're doing this mission that you are on, and if it is worth hearing no for, And then I want you to think about how much do you need to ask.

In order to get to your goals, if your goal is a million dollars, how much more should you be asking for to get there? To get a million dollars in the door? And how can you handle, No. Let's say that you do hear no. Have a plan and be prepared to handle no with grace and use it as an opportunity to strengthen the partner. Rather than make it about you, be there for the donor, be a leader and a friend in their life, and watch how that will unlock radical generosity for your mission.

Until next time, I.