Hey friend, what's up? This episode is gonna be a little different. It's gonna be a bit unfiltered, and I realize that's funny coming from me, okay? But I want to have some real talk with you and just have a moment of what is concerning me, and frankly, I'm, just, fed up. And I've been having a lot of conversations with clients and leaders.
I've been doing some speaking and connecting with non profit executives, fundraisers all over the country, and seeing a lot of, I, I love the uprising of wellness and mental health and addressing. Taking care of yourself in the non profit sector. I think that's a really important conversation and I'm glad to see people taking that seriously. I think that this conversation for me, sometimes we need grace and patience with ourselves. I think that's I certainly need that.
I know that so many of the people I work with need that. We need grace. Look, you're doing the best you got, best you can. It's all good. Sometimes your best isn't enough to meet goals and that's okay. It doesn't make you any less worthy of a human being. We are all learning and growing and doing things that we haven't figured out just yet. And it's a journey. It's a process. And there's also times where we need discipline. We need a kick in the butt. We need to get real about what is going on.
And address it. And we need to choose the hard choice to get a different result. To get on the other side of the BS. And that's gonna be more of what this conversation is. Okay? Something's gotta give. I see fundraisers they don't have training, they have a lack of support, they don't know what they're doing. I can't tell you how many times I come across development directors who have no idea how to be a development director. I, I even, I'm not trying to judge anybody or condemn rather.
I am making a judgment call. I'm not condemning you. I'm just saying, this is what I see. Development directors, people who are running major gifts programs, and they are making glaring mistakes that I can't even beli I'm like, what are you doing? What's going on, y'all? There's job vacancies, folks can't hire people, The average tenure for a fundraising role is what, 18 months? Everybody's leaving the profession. There's this rising fractional movement, which I think is awesome, by the way.
I think it's great being a fractional fundraiser. Hell yeah, why not? When I do talk with VPs of development, chief development officers, development directors, development managers, executive directors, Founders who are transitioning to maybe a role of president and bringing in a new CEO or a the second executive director, the successor of the founder. People have a lot of complaints. My board sucks. I'm burnt out. I don't know what I'm doing. My board's not helpful.
I don't know what I'm doing. Our CEO doesn't fundraise, our CDO doesn't fundraise, we, nobody understands what we do. These are not new stories, okay? I've been in this industry for almost 16 years now. This is the bullshit that I was putting up with when I first started. And I was a 21 year old, and I didn't know what I was doing. And, they paid for me to get some training, which looking back was extraordinary.
Not only that they said they would do it, but that they actually did it and followed through. I mean, the bar is so freaking low, isn't it? And then, my hair was falling out, I'm stressed, I'm so stressed, losing sleep, lose, can't keep weight on. I was so frail, working double what I was getting paid to do. Doing everything, one person shop. I was writing press releases, I was updating the website because I knew some HTML.
I was doing all individual giving, all corporate giving, I was doing the lion's share of the grant writing, I was writing LOIs, I was doing corporate sponsorships, I planned the gala, I managed volunteers, I managed interns, I did a silent auction, I could go on and on, right? Have you been there? Are you there right now? And I was 21 years old. So I didn't really know better. I didn't know I'd never done fundraising before.
I didn't know that you, it ain't right for a quote, a fundraising role to be 17 million things. And I didn't know better because it was my first time fundraising. Nobody told me. I just thought, Oh, this is what this is. All this stuff is fundraising. No, it ain't. Writing a press release is not fundraising. Collecting corporate logos for the website and the gala printout is not fundraising.
And I, not fundraising or not knowing what they're doing or sabotaging fundraising, unknowingly sabotaging it. This isn't new. None of this is new. And I'm frustrated. And I'm looking, for the people who are fed up. I'm, maybe it's you. I'm looking for the people who are sick and tired of the same story, of complaining about the same things. We have got to start literally a revolution of courage, of accountability, of saying, You know what? I'm not going to put up with this shit.
I'm not going to put up with it. I'm done tolerating the nonsense. When are we going to get real? When are, when is enough going to be enough, y'all? For real! There is a lack of accountability. There is a lack of reflection. Hey, we keep doing the same thing over and over again, and we keep being frustrated with the same thing over and over again. Let's take a second. Let's pause and reflect. Can we build a practice, a routine of reflection? What is actually working?
And we can't pay at lip service. What is actually working? There is a lack of honesty in our sector. And I attribute it to a lack of courage. We are worried about keeping our jobs that we can't stand. For We are worried about upsetting people who are unhelpful and they have no idea. We are worried about offending people who are straight up ignorant about fundraising.
And we wonder why we're dealing with burnout, with vacancies, we can't keep top talent, we can't reach our goals, we're struggling to raise money. We're chicken. And I'm saying we because I am also chicken. I have been complicit. I have asked for far too little because I didn't want to scare somebody off. I get it. I didn't want to let somebody go in my portfolio because they're super rich. I get it.
I was talking with a client yesterday and we were going through their portfolio and one of their donors that they wanted me to weigh in on the strategy. They were like, yeah, this person was introduced to us. Let's call them Bill. Bill was introduced to us through one of our board members. Bill came with his wife to our gala 18 months ago. He gave 900 bucks. And he hasn't given since. He's one of the wealthiest people in my portfolio. Super wealthy. Super wealthy. Do you get it?
Do you have somebody like that? And I have emailed Bill and his wife and reached out multiple times. And they have yet to respond to anything. And it's been 18 months. What should I do? How do I? I'm trying to be creative. I invited his wife to this event. No answer. I'm just not even sure I'm getting through. Now, if you've been following me for a while, you know that one of my charges and challenges for folks is you give up too quick. You give up too easy. You got to follow up more.
Part of why me and my clients raise millions of dollars. in unrestricted revenue is because we probably follow up more than you. There's no secret sauce. There's no magical thing. Oh, what is it? What is the secret? Stop looking for a secret. This ain't easy. Stop it. However, if a super wealthy person gave you 900 18 months ago because their friend, their buddy on your board asked them to and they have yet to reply to anything, it's time to let them go. Let them go. They are not interested.
What else would they need to say and do to show you that they are not going to give again? They are not interested. They have not replied to anything. I don't care how rich they are. They might as well be poor. And why does this matter? Why, how does this connect to my overarching thing that I'm saying here? I'll tell you. It's because this particular client in their entire development department, they're feeling like philanthropy is frustrating right now.
They're feeling like, ah, it's an election year, people are going to give less, giving is down. There are all these complaints about the weather, about the economy, about the job market, and all those things are probably true. It's true. But honestly, it doesn't matter. It is, it actually impacts your ability to reach your goals when you're focused on the storm that's coming that you can't do anything about. Rather than being focused on the stuff that you can do something about.
Cause and effect. If you are complaining about how philanthropy is down, and the economy sucks, and people aren't giving, and it's hard to get a hold of anyone, nobody will answer you, you're being ghosted, yada yada. Let's look at what you have control over and why that might be. And for this particular client.
They are spending their precious time and energy and brain juice and creativity bending over backwards to try to get this rich person to give a crap about what they're doing and they have no intention. There is zero sign that they will give again, that they are even interested in learning more. When you spend your time on people who are uninterested and you are breaking your back to try to get them to be interested, you will start to believe that philanthropy is down.
You will start to be convinced that you can't reach your goals because you're focused on the wrong stuff. Start talking to people who are interested. Who have given, who have shown up to your events, who are engaged, who are volunteering, who are opening and responding to your emails. If you spend your time chasing people who don't respond, you will start to look at the entire sector and you will start attributing that to everything that's happening.
And I'm telling you, not every nonprofit is struggling right now. I have clients who are absolutely smashing their goals. And so there has to be a focus on reflection and actual posture of learning and humility that maybe everything I'm doing isn't the best path forward. What do I have control over? You don't have control over the economy. You don't have control over the fact that this is an election year. Stop whining about it. It only brings you down.
Even if you're right, what good does it do? In what way is that helpful to you to hit your goals? And if you are spending precious time on potential donors who are super rich, but they are uninterested, then it brings you down. This feels like a slog because it is. Let's get real. What isn't working here? How did we get here? What is it the root cause of why I can't let go of disqualified prospects?
And what we uncovered was this particular leader is doing that and their whole team is also doing that. She said, yeah, I think our whole department actually has trouble letting go. And I'm like, why do you think that is? And she said because we're so scared we're not going to meet our goals. And I said, yeah, because you're wasting your time on people who aren't going to give. If you continue to do that, you will ensure that you don't meet your goals.
Spend time with the people who are interested, who have shown indicators, behaviors, things you can observe, that they are interested in getting more involved. Focus your time there, and you will raise more money. And you'll start to believe. That it is possible for you to hit your goals. Move on faster. If you're a part of a larger shop, you need to have a disqualification process. You need to have a portfolio reassignment process.
If you have a major gifts team, if you have a mid level team, if you have a recurring program team, whatever it is that you have, you've got to be able to work together To prioritize your time better. Get real. There's something here that isn't working. And if you don't have time, why is that? Because you're doing something that isn't raising money. It isn't raising enough money. It's got to be something you let go of entirely or delegate or eliminate.
There are things that are good, but they're not great. And we've got to get real and reflect on what those things are. We can't keep going in the same path and expecting a different result. Control the controllables. We have to be able to get out of urgency mode. Go, go, go, go, go mode. Go, go, go, go, go mode. and create some space and time to reflect, to think. Do you have thinking time on your calendar?
Or do you use that time to answer emails, to respond on Slack, to do things that are time consuming and it's not giving you the space you need to be thoughtful, to be creative, to reflect on what's working? to adapt your strategy. We have to have a better understanding between cause and effect. If I do this, if I show up to meetings and I'm complaining, then I wonder how that would impact the team and our ability to hit our goals.
If I'm lacking self confidence, if I'm lacking skills, what is it that I have control over to, to rectify that? Some of you have to come to terms with the fact that you need to advocate for yourself. You work for someone who's ignorant. This is not new. This is not unique. This is extremely common. It's endemic to our sector to work for someone, whether it's a board of directors who are well meaning and well intentioned and ignorant, to work for a CEO who doesn't fundraise.
If you think that's unique to you, you are wrong. If you think that this is a unique problem that you have, you're wrong. It's very common. And what I had to learn early on was that no one was going to advocate for me. I had to advocate for myself. No one is going to know what I need. I have to advocate for what I need. I have to make clear. Hey, you wanted me to raise five million this year. Here's what that's going to take.
I And to have those conversations with my boss, with my CEO over and over again, leaders are repeaters. And yes, you're right. This is a leadership conversation. This is not for everyone. There are some people who you're lovely. You're not a leader. Let's just admit it. Let's just call it like it is. It's okay. There's nothing wrong with you. You're no less valuable if you're not a leader. I'm talking to the people who are leaders. I'm talking to the people, somebody's gotta go first.
Somebody has got to acknowledge the elephant in the room. Someone has got to tell somebody the truth. Your CEO may not even know. You don't know the ways in which they are sabotaging your fundraising efforts and you talk about them behind their back and you don't have direct feedback conversations in a respectful, dignified way where you are telling them the truth and giving them feedback.
If we don't give people feedback, if we don't hold them accountable, when will they have the opportunity to change? This isn't hypothetical. This isn't rhetorical. I'm really asking you. Something's gotta give. Things will change when you change. Donors and board members will step up when you step up. You've got to get real about what it's going to take and what you need and you've got to speak up about it. Period.
It's not a suggestion if you're a leader, if you're a department leader, if you're an organization leader, if you're on the executive team. Some things are not suggestions. They are expectations. They are standards. And you need to be crystal clear about them. We cannot be vague and beat around the bush and sugarcoat things and then expect people to read between the lines. Some of you are afraid of offending, afraid of hurting feelings because it'll damage how they see you.
You're so worried about self preservation that you can't be direct and clear. You're so worried For fear that it'll make you look bad. That you're no longer the favorite. That you're no longer liked by everyone. What's more important? Are you for real about raising millions of dollars? Are you for real about your mission? Or are you here to win Miss Congeniality? These are questions you need to ask yourself. And also, by the way, there are people who already don't like you.
Whether you try to get them to or not. Whether you swallow what you really think or not. Whether you try to people please or not. There are still people who don't like you. Whether you try to make them comfortable and happy or not. That's the way it is, babe. Control the controllables. You don't have control over how you're perceived. You have control over speaking up when you need to speak up.
Over advocating for your needs and the support that you need and the training that you need and what it's actually going to take to meet your goals. Some of you are getting handed goals by people who have no idea what it takes to reach those goals. And you have you know what it takes to reach those goals. And then you also let them tell you how you're gonna do your job. And that you're gonna do five jobs. And you bitch and moan about it. And then to their face, you act like everything's fine.
You're a professional. You take it. You do all five jobs. You don't hit the goal or you do, but at what cost? It's costing you your peace. It's costing you time with your kids. It's costing you sleep at night. How long is this gonna go on? I mean i'm saying this because I genuinely want people to win and I want them to be I want them to have fun It's possible. People come to me, my clients come to me, and they are reaching their goals, and it's costing them too much personally.
And they have a shred of hope that things can be different, that this work can be sustainable and successful, that it isn't either or. And if you have fear for psychological safety, if you think, if I speak up and if I say, Look, I can't come to these internal meetings because I need to focus on raising the five million and what it's going to take is me heads down getting as many donor meetings as I can and these internal meetings take away from that.
I'm not going to be able to make it for the next three to four months. I've got to get my head down and just do this. So I need to be excused from this meeting. If you feel like you will lose your job if you say that because you're focused on meeting your goals for fundraising then you need a different job. Let's be real. Or are you okay with not meeting goals? Some of you, your goals are just numbers on a page.
But you know deep inside that in order to reach those goals there needs to be radical change in your calendar, in the way that the dynamic with your team and what you're prioritizing, the way that you steward and engage donors, how much you're asking for. You need an upheaval. Something's gotta give. We gotta get real. And complaints are useful because they point to the pain points. They point to the place where you likely need to start. How, where do I start? Where do I go?
What's the top priority? What's the thing that you complain to your spouse or your partner about the most? Oh great, I gotta go to this meeting. Again, I hate this meeting. It sucks. It's a waste of my time. Start there! I was at an organization and our goal was raising 18 million. In a development department of like 10. And there was a meeting and I went to The head of the department and I said, look, there's this internal team meeting every Thursday and it's an hour long.
And frankly, it's a waste of my time. It's not helpful to me. And that's an hour taken away from reaching out to donors. And it's the end of the year. I have got to get more meetings. If I'm even going to come close to my goal, I need every hour I can get. Okay. And my boss said, you're right, don't go to the meeting. Then Thursday comes and other people see that I'm not in the meeting. So then a couple of other development officers are like, hey, can I also be excused from this meeting?
I too need more time to focus on my portfolio if I'm going to hit my goals. That's it. The boss says, yeah, great, sure. The, then eventually the meeting no longer happens. Then that is one hour every single week that the entire development department was sitting in a meeting not raising money, talking about how we need to raise money. Is there anything more asinine? I'm going to be perfectly, Transparent here.
There is absolutely nothing that enrages me more than fundraisers sitting in a meeting and everybody's talking about how we need to get more meetings with donors or we need to raise more money or Guys, we got to do more calls And I'm like, you know what, if I wasn't sitting in this meeting, that's exactly what I would be doing. Get out of my way. Stop wasting my time.
And what ends up happening is, when nobody speaks up, we're all sitting in these useless meetings, playing pretend, acting like this is helpful. Meanwhile, the stress level of everybody sitting there is going way up because your to do list isn't getting any shorter. What game are we playing here? Is this is nuts! It's nuts! And we just sit there and we tolerate this. But somebody's gotta speak up first. Someone has to do it. Somebody has to say, you know what?
This isn't really the best use of my time. And I know you asked me to raise 5 million this year or whatever your goal is. And I know if I'm even going to come close to that goal, I need to be excused from this meeting. Somebody's got to go first. And then everybody after that followed suit. Now I gave them permission. Oh, I could be excused from this meeting. Oh my gosh, I need an hour back on my calendar. This is amazing.
If you're pulling together your entire development department for an hour a week, it better be so productive and the best use of their time. That is an hour of your entire department where they are not getting meetings with donors. They are not raising money. You are spending money having them all sit there, so it better be an amazing use of time. I mean it. I actually see this as unethical.
If you have meetings that are not the best use and the highest use of everyone's time there, you are wasting dollars. Where it needs to be better spent. And especially if you have executives, if you have department heads, those are the most expensive people on your payroll. So if you have them sitting still for a whole hour, What are you doing there? It better be mind blowingly freaking good. And so productive.
And if your team is complaining about the meetings, when would be a good time to listen? What games are we playing, y'all? Are we so fragile that we can't be honest? Are we so sensitive? That we cannot say, you know what? This meeting sucks. I, I have had to advocate for my own time because I knew what it took. I'm like, look, you want me to go to do this thing and do that thing and do this thing over here.
And I could tell you that if I do all those things, I'm not going to be able to raise 5 million. Are you secure enough to be able to say that? We act like we have to be super human. Like we cannot afford to tell people that we won't be able to hit our goal. It's like you are complicit in the unrealistic demands because you don't speak up. Do you understand that? If your board expects you to do five people's jobs and you just keep doing it, you are essentially co signing. being burnt out.
Like we have to, we have to get real. It's not okay. It's not sustainable. If you're concerned, you're not going to hit your goals. You have to speak up. Hey, I do not have the support that I need. I don't have the time that I need. I'm doing too much. We need to narrow down. If you have a strategic plan and you're, throughout the year, you're undisciplined and you're adding things on to that are not in the strategic plan, what are you doing?
You gotta be like, hey, look, this isn't in the strategic plan. We either meant what we said when we wrote the strategic plan or we didn't. What are we doing here? Why am I doing all this extra stuff? If the main thing is raising the money, then keep that the main thing. If you're doing too many things, it's time, it's past time for you to advocate for yourself and your time, my friend. And if you speak up, because you believe that you know what it's gonna take to meet the goal.
And you fear for your job, then I hate to say it, but you really shouldn't be working there anyway. And there are better places. But nothing will change if we say nothing. Nothing will change. People will not step up unless we do. Somebody has to be the leader. Somebody has to go first. If your board isn't personally giving and you complain about that all the time, it's time to have one on one conversations with every single board member about their giving.
Saying it in a board meeting and addressing everybody as a group isn't enough, right? Because you've already done that. So you've got to be direct. It's not a suggestion. This is the standard of what it means to be on our board. If you can't meet that, that's okay. There's no judgment here, but this is the expectation. Let us know if you're willing to do that. If you're unable, if life is your priorities have changed, whatever it is, it's all good.
This is the standard of what it means to be a board member. If your boss is full of ideas and no execution, it's time to address that directly. Hey love those ideas. Right now we agreed that we would be focused on this, and this. Let's revisit that idea in six months. Where are you with x, y, z thing that we already agreed about? Did you email that donor? Did you book the meeting? Did you make the ask? How did it go? We can't just keep beating around the bush and not speaking up.
We're tolerating way too much. What are they going to do? Are they going to fire all of us? Like it are, if you speak up. What's going to end up happening? Let's play it out over the years, right? You work for somebody who is unreasonable. They expect you to do 5 jobs. You speak up about it. Let's say you're the ED. You speak up about it. And they're like I can't afford to hire anybody. I can't afford to bring on a development director. I can't afford to bring on more help. Blah, blah, blah.
What are they gonna do if you quit? They're gonna hire somebody else? Good luck with that. Somebody else who'd be willing to do fine. Then what will happen? More donors will turn over because there's gonna be a gap in keeping those people up to date. Then what? The organization's gonna get smaller and smaller over the years. And the people who will be happy are the ones, the OGs, the people who've been there all along. They were happier when it was smaller anyway.
Or let's say you're a major gifts officer, or development director, or you're at a larger organization. If things don't change, what's gonna happen? Do you, how bad does it have to get? What is rock bottom? Do you really need to go there? I don't think it has to go there. We have to speak up. We have to advocate for ourselves. We have to get real about what we need. We have to ask for more. We can't be afraid of hurting rich people's feelings. What's more important?
meeting your goals and creating the change and the impact in your community, or keeping rich people happy who aren't even really thinking about your non profit day to day. Stop accepting the status quo and then complaining about it. Stop it. My husband and I have a rule. We don't complain to each other about the same thing more than once. One time, that's all you get. I don't think there's anything wrong with complaining. I complain in my mind. I complain when I pray and talk to God. I complain.
But it's not my primary way of being because I want to be a solutions oriented, action oriented person. And I am. I don't expect people to read my mind. I don't accept disrespect from myself or from others. I speak up for myself. If I think that something is going wrong, I say something. And yes, that sometimes costs me relationships. Yes it does. I'm not saying this to you to help you create a safe and comfy, predictable life. I'm saying this to you of someone who lives dangerously.
I speak up and it does hurt people's feelings, but I am not above apologizing. I speak up more than the average person, which also means there's a cost that comes with that. I also offend people more than the average person. I also learn, oh, I need to go back and be like, dang, I said that. Yikes. There's probably something in this podcast episode that I'm like, dang, I said that. Yikes. Oh it's already been done. What am I supposed to do about it? Not speak? I'm just, it's okay failing.
I'm fine with that. I'm not claiming to be perfect here. I'm going for courageous. I'm going for bold. I'm going for creating change. Yes, I have lost relationships speaking up and fighting for the best in people. Yes, I have. And also, I am surrounded by people whose lives get better because I speak up, because I tell the truth. I look around me and there is nothing but life change. I'm not saying this to brag or to be arrogant.
I'm saying that's what comes, that's the fruit of advocating for yourself and speaking up. There is change that's created. It is beautiful. It's powerful. And yes, it costs you. Yes, it does. Yes, I'm speaking from a privileged place. Yes, I am. I fought my way to get here. This was not handed to me. I am not a naturally courageous person. Absolutely not. I am naturally a coward.
I naturally drift towards arrogance, towards judgment, towards condemnation, self righteousness cowardice absolutely I have trained myself and put myself around people who are risk takers. Now people look at me and they're like, wow, Julie, you're so brave, you're so bold, you're a risk taker. Yeah, I intentionally became that person. And I accepted who I am, that at my core I am a challenger. That's who I am.
And I'm not saying that you need to 100 percent become a bold, courageous person who just says the difficult thing all the time. No you don't. You could probably use 5 10 percent more of that though. In certain arenas of your life, yes you could. hope that you will take action. That's really what this is all about. Nothing changes unless we do. I hope that you will have direct conversations as a result of this episode.
I hope that you will do things you have been putting off, making excuses, and procrastinating because you're scared. I hope that you will It's okay. We're all scared. We all are. Some of us allow fear to have the last word and so we do nothing. And then we wonder why we don't have self confidence. Because every time you ignore that voice in your head that says you should say something, you erode your own self confidence. You are Chipping away at the trust you have in yourself.
Your subconscious is listening when you don't take action. Your subconscious is getting the message that you're not saying, which is, I'm a coward. And enough is enough. Something's gotta give. You have what it takes. You do. You have more influence than you think. And if you speak up and you risk your job, if you speak up and you risk relationship, then those turkeys weren't going to help you anyway. Those donors had no intention of helping you anyway.
It's good that you find out now and stop playing these guessing games. If your board member is offended because you're asking them for more, they shouldn't be on your board. Why are you afraid of scaring off the people who refuse to help you? Sounds like the exact people that you need to get out of the way. It's past time. If you have no time to fundraise, who ultimately is responsible for that? You are. How can someone read your mind when you show up professional? And you just take it.
And you act like with that person, nothing's wrong. Everything's great. They're not a mind reader. I'm saying this to me as much as I'm saying it to you. It's time for us to stop accepting the scraps. And acting like everything's fine. And acting like a billionaire giving 30, Is enough. It's not enough. And acting like people can't handle talking about money. Your donors can handle it. It's gonna be okay. It really is. We gotta get over ourselves. We gotta get over this self preservation.
We gotta get over it. Let's play it out. How's this really gonna go? Is the industry gonna fall apart? Is there gonna be no fundraisers left? Because fundraising has become so unsustainable, and executives are so ignorant, and no one told them. And they still don't get it? And we expect everybody to do all these things, and what? And we have a health crisis? And causes fall apart? And the poor get poorer? And injustice grows? Seriously. What's it gonna take? Advocate for what you need.
How will your boss or your board ever change if they're not told the truth? How can they ever expect to get better if no one gives them feedback? What chance will we have? of creating real, lasting change if it doesn't start with us. That's where it starts. Somebody has gotta go first. It might as well be us. Are you as fed up as I am? I really hope so.