You're listening to a MoMA Mea podcast. Mama Mea acknowledges the traditional owners of land and waters that this podcast is recorded on. Hello, it's Mia Friedman and I'm dropping into your ears with not an episode of No Filter, but a brand new podcast from Mama Mea that I wanted to share with you, which is kind of in the same family as No Filter, because if you like No Filter, you are going to love Little Love Stories.
If you are a longtime listener of Muma Mea podcast, you may have heard of or even listened to at one stage, our family podcast called This Glorious Mess. It was our third ever podcast. The first one was Muma Mer Out Loud, then No Filter, and then This Glorious
Mess back in the day. It was hosted by my friend Holly Wainwright and the very entertaining Andrew Daddo, and over the years with a roster of incredible hosts who have aged in and out depending on the ages of their children, the podcast has solved many a parent dilemma.
We've spoken to experts, We've vented about breastfeeding, and daycare and mental load, pretty much everything our identity, all of those things that are connected to parenting and a few weeks ago we started changing things up at this Glorious Mess and it entered its new era. Joining our co host Tigan Natoli, who is a mother of three little kids, including twins, we have Annalise Todd, who is in a
different phase of parenting. You may know Annalise as the person from our socials who's the elder millennial who's been trying to understand socks. She's often walking around the Mama Mea office wearing a promotional blanket from Binge that got sent in for something because she gets very cold. We have welcomed her to the show. She is a single mother of two boys who are older than Tiger Natolei's kids.
And we've also welcomed Sarah Marie Fad to the Mum and Mea family and you'll know her from seeing her on TV on goggle Box. But it's not just new hosts that we've got. We've got new stories and experts and guests to reflect exactly what it means to be a parent or too parent in twenty twenty four, little
people and big people of all ages. And as part of this glow up, we have introduced a new episode every week and it's called Little Love Stories, and each episode is an open hearted interview with someone who has a story about love in all kinds of different forms. It might be about a person, or an object or an event. It's all under the broad umbrella of families and love. Little Love Stories explores gratitude through writing, first in the form of a love letter, and that letter
then becomes a heartfelt conversation about that topic. And there is such a wide range of stories. There are poignant stories with a love letter from a woman to her breasts after a mastectomy. They've all got so much heart. There is one writing to a mother who's no longer around, also pivoting a full one eighty to complete silliness, sharing a love letter to a therma mix. People are obsessed with therm mixes for making parenting that little bit easier.
Apparently it does. I don't know. I don't have one. Little Love Stories is great because it just shows that it's inspiring, it's good news, it's happy news, and it shows these little moments of love and magic. And the episode I'm going to share with you today in case you're wondering if I'm ever going to get to the point and stop talking. It is a love note essay by This Glorious Mess host and Elise Todd, who I
told you about. As I said, she's a single parent to two boys who are tweens, and it certainly hasn't been easy for her to transition to this new lifestyle in a new city as a single mother. But she had a moment recently that really gave her some hope and inspiration and a little bit of perspective. This is Little Love Stories by This Glorious Mess. And if you want to hear that podcast, search This Glorious Mess in your podcasts and follow it. I love you.
Have you lived with your From Mamma Mia and This Glorious Mess. Welcome to Little Love Stories. I'm Grace Ruvey, the producer of This Glorious Mess, and if my voice sounds familiar, you may have heard me on Mumma MIA's news.
Podcast, The Quickie.
As I've gotten older, I've enjoyed hearing stories about bravery. When we're young, bravery is really only marketed to us as physical strength or maybe standing up to.
The bad guy or the bully.
All these sensationalized Hollywood ideas of bravery. But with age and experience, I realized bravery comes in many forms and unexpected moments. Our story today is our very own host of this glorious mess. Annelie Todd, our wise cracking and open hearted writer, podcaster and single mum of two. There has been such a stigma for so many years about single mums. It's portrayed us as negative. I don't take this position lightly or responsibility lightly, to just normalize that
this is what a family can look like. But Annelie's Todd isn't just deep in the throes of parenting. She's been demonstrating strength to her two sons in some less obvious ways. Oh well, here's an opportunity that I can give this to my sons. Now, I can show them that women can be strong and brave and capable. So I was really drawn to today's little love story as it asks the question, how do you instill and teach respect to people children, even when you're still learning how.
To respect yourself.
But first, here's what a little bit of love sounds like today?
Uh, oh my god, what's the word? Excellent question? I want to get my answer right.
Okay, what does love mean to you?
Safety? Support, passion, support, adoration, comfort, Yeah, safety, intimacy and.
Heart stressful, interesting and fun.
Eating, sexy, communicating.
Dedication, compromise and trust, warm.
Full and safe an alys. I've been looking forward to this conversation. Welcome to little love Stories. You have so many stories, but this one, it's a pretty important one for you right now.
Yeah, it is. I think it's important for me, and I think I love sharing single parents stories and voices. You wanted to redefine what it is to be a single parent, or at least the perceived perception of what it is to be a single parent. What do you feel like those perceptions are. I mean, look at the fifties, they weren't even allowed out of the house. And I think there has been such a stigma for so many
years about single mums. It's portrayed as negative. And I don't take this position lightly or responsibility lightly to just normalize that this is what a family can look like and it's okay, and it's actually not all doom and gloom, and it's far from it. There really are silver linings to any situation in life. So I'm just happy to share it and be here with your beautiful, soothing voice.
So your little love story essay. It's full of vivid examples of your life as a single mum. It begins with you describing your unique commune life as you call it. Yes, I can confirm I have been to the commune. So you had a moment Alice where your perspective of being a single parent. I won't say it started to change immediately, but it opened up the possibility for change. Can you talk me through that trigger point, what happened and how it started to evolve.
I had a beautiful friend over who'd been a single mom for many, many years, and she also has two sons very similar ages to mine, and so I was very much sort of leaning in on her because, especially in those early times, you just lean in on other singles parents because they just get it. It was like a Friday night, we'd had a commune dinner, and of course I can never get the TV or internetworking in my house. It's just a permanent pain point, and we
were trying to set up the TV. It was just so frustrating, but obviously I was trying to hide in front of the kids and my girlfriend. She was just so calm under pressure, and her little boy, I think he would have been gosh nine. He just said, my mum will figure it out. She can do anything, and she did figure it out. In that moment, I just saw this hope for a positive that can come out
of the experience for children of divorce. Because of course, when you have kids, and especially if you separated, the first thing you think about is inflicting pain and trauma and how it's going to impact them and the blueprint of their life. But in that moment, I saw a positive from the child's perspective of how he viewed his mum, that faith, and how he viewed her as so strong and capable and brave. And I thought, oh, well, here's an opportunity that I can give this to my sons.
Now I can show them that women can be strong and brave and capable, and I can make them feel very connected with women, and that's hopefully going to set them up for relationships, whether it's romantic or any women in their lives. I felt like, great, they can have that connection and that respect to women.
In another part of your essay, you talk about how you would never have chosen this life, but then you go on to speak about how it's given you identity. Could you read that part out for us.
Yes, nobody has kids thinking they will only see them half the time. It's incomprehensible, even nearly two years on. I miss them when I'm not with them. It goes against the very instinct we form from the moment they're planked on our chest to sniff their heads and kiss them good night every night. When I'm with them, there's a feeling of wholeness that I don't have when they're not there. But I didn't get a choice, so I'm
choosing to make the best of it. And I do like many things in life that test us, that breaks down the very fiber of our being. When we do manage to rebuild ourselves back together again, it can be the making of us. And I would go as far as saying that as a single mum, I am a more present, better parent than I was before. And for that, and for all the reasons above, I can only have gratitude for all the silver linings that brings.
When you're reading parts of your article out, it kind of hit you in a different way. What did it bring up and what are you feeling now?
In order to function in fifty to fifty custody, you have to be able to compartmentalize. When I'm with my kids, I'm all in, But when I'm not with them, I have to be able to have a wall because it's just too painful. No one has kids thinking they'll only see them half the time. It's a grief.
And we know so much about these silver linings of your beautiful commune life, but can you talk us through a few of those.
I think it's so important to caveat because I get a lot of feedback from single mums when I talk about my experience who don't get breaks, who have soul custody. I cannot speak to them and their experience because that would be the kind of relentless, exhausting experience that I can't even imagine, and most of us couldn't fathom doing that on your own twenty four seven. For those of us who do get breaks, it's kind of like a
double life. You know. When I'm in mum mode, I'm all in, But then when I don't have my kids, I get to be really selfish. For the first time in ten years, I was able to be selfish, and I think that's such a foreign concept, particularly for mums, to be able to have the freedom and the luxury to be selfish. Well, let's dig into what you've found about yourself through having this time to rediscover who you are. What are the parts about your identity that you've discovered
by being a single parent. I love not being someone's wife. I do. I love it. I absolutely love it, and I will never be someone's wife again. I just don't want that label. I was so young when I got married, and I feel like at forty, I finally can focus on me and my career and I've got the time and space to do that. Now. I can go to the gym, I can go to the beach and read
a book. This is when I don't have my kids, obviously, I go out a lot with friends, and I feel like I refound joy, you know, like that character and inside out too, the function of joy that takes over your brain. And I feel like she was lost and she was lost in the back brain for a long time and she's back and it's just I feel joy in life again. And how do you put that joy that you've found back into parenting? Do the two go
hand in hand? They definitely do. And it goes back to having the breaks because I don't see them, so I get rested, and I have that time and space to be selfish. So when I am with them, I'm just so grateful for all of the time that I have, and I just cherish every second. I don't take them for granted anymore. I truly believe I took them for granted. I used to be like ugh, parent burnout and I'm tired, and I just want to go out with my friends. Well now I would like to see them more and
I can't. So when I'm with them, I just breathe them in, Yes, creepily. When they're asleep, I'll just walk past and sniff their heads.
Yes, will you do that with small children that aren't yours?
I know I am a head sniffer. It's a beautiful smell. It's intoxicating.
We've heard all about the duality of balancing roles as a single parent, but next up we hear the importance of reclaiming personal time and identity. Annalie's the final part of your essay talks about who you are defining yourself as. Now, could you read that out for us?
I am good good at filling my social calendar, but have also gotten good at being on my own, and I am proud of that. Being single and having half my time to myself, I got my identity back. But more than that, there's a strength and resilience ingrained in my new identity. When I am with my kids, I cherish every second I get with them. I have more patience and am just so appreciative of the time I do have with them that I used to take for granted. I've become a fun mum and I'm way more relaxed.
I don't sweat the small stuff like ice cream for dinner. Sure, I mean sometimes picnick in front of the Telly watching age inappropriate Reality TV. Definitely. We love doing that. And we get to do activities together now that I enjoy doing with the kids, And even though I see them less, I don't feel like a spectator on.
The sidelines anymore. What age inappropriate reality TV? Did you watch?
There?
Real Housewives Sydney is our favorite. Yes, that's probably our favorite. We just finished Young Sheldon. We've just started modern family. Like, we just have these little rituals and things that we do together now that all three of us just enjoy and just love so much.
I can see it now that there's this beautiful spark and this energy as you're talking about it. So what is the most exciting part of this part of your journey and rediscovering yourself. I think the biggest misconception about a marriage ending is that your life ends when your marriage does. And one part of your life definitely ends, that's dead, but it's also this new opportunity for a new life and a new story, and you get to write that story. I'm just very excited about my current
story and where it's going to go next. I'm just excited if someone is listening and they're a single parent and they're holding that sense of shame or failure that, as you've said, one part of their life's completely over. What do you want them to take away from this or what do you want them to.
Start to work towards.
I guess they're thought process around how they see themselves and relationships.
If anyone's early on in the journey, there's so many beautiful bits of advice I've been given. One of them is nothing is permanent. Everything's temporary, So no matter how bad it feels in that moment, it literally won't feel like that forever. And then the other beautiful piece of advice that someone gave me was don't focus on the
light at the end of the tunnel. Just look out for the glimmers while you're in it, and then at some stage you'll wake up and you'll realize that you're back in the light without even realizing it, and you're living and loving life, and the light's actually brighter than it was before.
It really is similar to that beautiful grief metaphor. I don't know if you've seen it, where there's like a ball and over time people think the ball gets smaller, but it's actually the space around it that gets bigger. So that divorce or that separation could always be a pain point, but you're always going to find more space around it, and you're going to find space for the joy to come in or for new opportunities and new experiences.
And it sounds like that's something that you've really found in your life over the past two years.
Yeah, it's just time. It just takes time and building new, beautiful, positive memories.
We always end our little love stories with the question what qualities do you hold most dear about love now? And what's that for you? Annalise to feel safe with love. It's light and it's joy, and there's a doctor Sue saying, which I love.
We're all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. Love, mutual weirdness, mutual weirdness. That's our whole office, isn't it It is. That's why I love coming to work every day. We're all just being weird.
Oh, Annalise, thank you so much for sharing your little love story and having this conversation today. Annalise is very clever and you can hear her on This Glorious Mess every week, and her full little love story essay will be dropped.
In our episode of show Notes. Thank you so much, Thank you for having me, Gracey Greece.
If you have a story you'd like to share with us, we'd love to hear it. We're always on the lookout for great stories.
And new perspectives.
To submit your story, you can leave us a voice note or email us. All the details will be in our show notes.
If you love this podcast, you can listen to more of This Glorious Mess. There's a link in the show notes