Chloé Hayden Says Her Autism Is 'Palatable'. Here's What She Means

Queenie was incredible for who she is. But Queennie was only one representation of autism, and she was an extremely palatable version of autism. She was very manic, pixie dream girl autism. She was very cute, and she was very quirky, and she wasn't controversial, and she.

Was very sweet, and that's palatable.

So it's an easy, digestible way for people to go okay, I can accept autism.

For most of her childhood, Chloe Hayden felt like she didn't belong anywhere. She was bullied at school, moved through ten different schools, and struggled to exist in environments that simply didn't understand her. When she was diagnosed as autistic at thirteen, it helped explain a lifetime of feeling different, But at the time, there were almost no conversations about neurodivergence and certainly no one she could look to who

Thanks for having me.

Well, I think it's like a perfect it's a perfect venue for you. I think because you have lived your life being seen and kind of divesting yourself of things that at one point in your life I gather held you back or were not understood. How did you start to go, I'm not gonna hide things or mask things, or I'm going to strip myself bare and see what happens.

Oh.

I feel like there's maybe two parts to this. First of all, despite the fact that I knew for my entire life that I was different, and also was told by from my entire life that I was different by friends, like other kids and peers and teachers, and growing ups in my life, I had everyone told me that I was different and that different was wrong.

But my family.

Always told me that my difference was magic and that I was incredible because I was different. And so despite the fact that everyone in my outer circle made it seem like it was a bad thing, I never actually believed that I couldn't achieve whatever I wanted because my family have always been my biggest cheerleader, and so I think I.

Owe a lot to them, and I owe a lot of the.

Fact that I have felt like I've been able to step out and just like take the world is because I was never told I couldn't.

And then I think the first time that.

Really properly showcased itself is when I was thirteen and I got diagnosed with autism. I went and I googled it, and the only things that showed up were resources for parents that were suffering because their child was autistic and curious for autism. And so when I didn't see anyone that was positively advocating Dustin.

Hoffman, Didustin Hoffman pop up?

Oh, but the whole kit and caboodle popped up? I had.

I saw an ad pop up that at the time was still playing in America that the monologue in the background was, I am autism. I will ruin your family. If you were scared of me, you should be. It was still playing in America that when I was diagnosed, and so I went, I'm not accepting that for us, and I started talking about it.

And that's kind of the first was that when you started the YouTube thing.

So I actually started an anonymous blog first, and then I had a lot of people reaching out to me saying, can you make a YouTube on this because my kid needs to read this and they struggle with reading, or they need to be able to read lips or something like that. And so I went un anonymous and started posting my face on YouTube and that kind of is the start of everything and how and why I am sitting here today.

You know, how you talk about your family and the you know, the way that you were seeing within the family which was kind of different to the external world. What was the nature of your family, like, what was the makeup of your family and what role did you play within the family that was different?

Oh?

Okay, so I have a pretty big family. I'm the oldest of four siblings. I've got but two brothers, two sisters, two biological to adopted from Taiwan, and I'm the oldest. My mum and dad have both recently been diagnosed as nurotivergent as well, which makes a lot of sense. How recently in the last twelve months, Oh really both of them?

And like with an overlap, is are they do? They live in a ben diagram together with their diagnosis or different parts of spectrum or.

So my mom is diagnosed ADHD, I'm pretty sure she's autistic too.

I'll diagnose her Chloe. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And then my dad is autistic ADHD. And it's so funny because growing up, my dad was always like, she's not weird. I do that, And I was like, yeah, yeah, I know, I know. Like I remember growing up, my dad used to try to like help my autism. And so whenever we would go to the show or a petrol station or pick up my siblings from school, he'd make me be the one that went in and paid or went in and collected from the school. And he always said, I'm doing this for you. I'm doing this

It wasn't a shock to anyone.

Was a shocked to him.

I think, look, I think that's his story to tell.

But I know that being a fifty year old man and growing up in the society that fifty year old men.

Grew up in.

Right, Yes, I think there was a lot of grief that came with not knowing, But I don't think he was shocked.

I think, well, there was something in him that made him explore it.

And we've always been so close and we've always related so much on everything, So I think, you know, he always and he's always said, you know, you got your EADHD from your.

Mum, you got your autogym from it, right, We've always dreamt about that.

So when you say like that you were different, and I do, I think one of my favorite things is when difference moves from being something that's othered in a negative way to actually being celebrated by the person and by the world at large. It's an extraordinary period of growth and celebration for everyone. I think. And this has been the story of your life so far and will continue to be. But when you say you were different,

No, and also being different was social exclusion. You were not allowed to be different. As a twelve year old girl being different with social suicide.

But I've known I was different my whole But in what why were you different?

Because there's something about particularly teenage girls where they like to be in lockstep. Yeah you know, same close, same whatever, same reaction. If someone tells a joke, you look at your girlfriends first to say how they respond before you decide, Yeah, how were you in all.

Of those ways you described?

I dressed different, I spoke different, I acted different, and I did everything in my power to try not to be. I think the reason why I'm such a good actor is because I had to do it my entire life. There was I would watch YouTubers, and there would be YouTubers that I thought were really really cool, and I could mask and mimic their personalities so well that I would have so many people come up to me and be like, oh my god, you remind me so much

Heard of them before. Wow, And it'd been a study for you.

Yeah.

I would watch them, and I would watch the way that they moved their hands when they spoke or moved to the head when they spoke, or they're like very really really specific intonations on words, And I would go to the mirror and I would copy it exactly, and

And that's how you learned to be an actor. Yeah, that's incredible.

Once again, what looks like a hindrance and looks like a liability has turned out to be an assey.

Yeah, I guess in disguise. Yeah, for sure. I think.

Look, maybe it's kind of toxic positivity. But for myself and for my story, I believe that everything happens for a reason, And a lot of the stories and a lot of the pages in my story I would rip out in a heartbeat if I could, but I can't, and that's not the way that the world works, and that's not the way that my story works. So I've got these pages, and so I might as well do something positive with them.

And so what made your parents take you and start that process of that ended up in you getting diagnosed as autistic.

So I had a lot of struggles at school. I had been in maybe like ten schools by the time I was in year eight. That's amazing, it's a lot. I got bullied really really horrifically by students and by teachers, and was getting in trouble all the time and was just really really struggling. And the older I got, the more that those struggles became obvious. And it was my English teacher in year eight that called my parents in and said, I think there might be something wrong with

And I have.

I had owned her for about a year at that point, and in that year of owning her, I think she'd given me about eight concussions. And my parents thought that I had brain damage because how many times have been thrown off my pony. I also was really really sick as a baby, and they thought that maybe that sickness had again changed my brain, and so they did AMRI test.

First and they all came back normal.

And then I went to a psychiatrist and started the process of getting diagnosed with autism. And she said pretty quickly, you know, we know that she's autistic, we just have to go through the formal testing now. And so I think it was maybe six weeks worth of testing, and after the last appointment, my mom walked out with my paperwork in this really big book that was like a full Bible, and autism right, and yeah, that's that's kind of how it happens.

So that's amazing because these many amazing people in that story. One of them is your English teacher, who, in those eight years of schooling, was the first person.

She was part of the reason why I got the diagnosis. But she wasn't a very kind woman. Okay, so she wasn't going I think we should help her. She was going, there's something wrong with her. We can't do anything for her.

And my biggest.

Sidekick growing up was my year four teacher, Wendy, and she knew I was different, but she saw that difference as a positive thing, and she never tried to change me. She saw what I struggled with, and she saw what I was really good at, and she focused on what I was good at, and she supported me with what

The animals such, yeah, animals are so important to me.

During assignments, she would let me do my history assignments on Titanic because that's what my special interest is. She would let me just yap to her for hours about horses and about Titanic and about dolphins and about the ocean. And she encouraged every single part of me that made me good and didn't care about the part to me that weren't good. And I owe so much of who I am now to her.

That's extraordinary. But there must have been a part of you if you go forward from year four and windy to wanting an explanation yourself. So when you had the Mriyes, was there a part of you that went, maybe it is the falling from the pony, even though you must have always known because you'd lived inside yourself. Yeah, but it wasn't that, Yeah.

For sure. I think it's interesting.

I have so many parents that talk to me now saying, oh, my kids just been diagnosed autistic, but I'm not going to tell them, And that's always so bizarre to me because humans label things. It's what we do because we're all stupid and have little monkey pea breeds, and we need to label things to feel comfortable with them. And people are scared of having a label of autism because

Coming up next, Chloe talks about the bullying she endured at school and how deeply it affected her. When you were in the process of being bullied, how did you cope with that?

I struggled a lot.

I had an eating disorder from the time I was twelve, and I struggled with that.

For more than a decade.

Boy nearly killed me. Like I'm not going to sit here and be like, you know it's water. If it ducks back and you know it wasn't it sucked. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. The fact that I'm still alive today is because I had a support network, and I had a home that I could go home to that was safe and that supported me, and that I knew that I was going to be loved because of who I am and not because of who I wasn't. I found so much comfort in my animals, horses.

I truly think horses, say.

Even the spawn of Satan, more than anything.

I still have that pony my dad liked threat to send her to the glue factory so many times, Marley. And she's twenty now and she's she chases people with her teeth bed and she has like is thrown off champion horse riders. And I love her more like that's my biological child. I love her so much because I actually think she's a lot like me. Because and I think she's I actually think she's really cool because she's

But yeah, my ponies, my parents. So did you grow up rural? So did I grew up in Geelong?

I grew up everywhere, So I've lived in like eighteen houses. I think, like' just we've been everywhere. I grew up mostly in the city in the suburbs until I was twelve, and then my mental health got so bad. My grandparents have always lived in the country and we'd always go there, and my mental health got so bad when I was twelve that my parents figured out that the only thing that would keep me alive was going to the country and having horses and being around animals all the time.

Horses are incredible.

They if you don't know what you're feeling, or you're struggling to tept for what you're feeling, they'll tell you I did it once at it's incredible at.

A wellness retreat. Yeah.

And that.

The they're all seeing capacity is it's incredible.

They're they're so phenomenal.

So, yeah, my horses have always have always, always always been the most important thing to me. Creativity has also always been really big, right, creating like art in any capacity. Yeah, Just being able to get out of my head and into my body has always kind of been how I've been able to move away from all of it.

Well, and all of these elements I see in Quinnie, which of.

Course was that's her, isn't it.

Yeah, that your character in Heartbreak Eye that really.

Leapt out to people. Thank you.

Yeah, And there are a lot of people who would like to thank you for that, I think, because everything seems apparent in retrospect, but there's always a first, Yeah, And to be in that space and in Australia in that space, and relatively not a novice in acting, but this was like.

A huge it was my first big job.

Yeah, it was a huge job too.

How did you feel?

So we know we now know how that story's played out in terms of the world and the success of it, But how did you feel going in to tell the story of Quinnie? And I gather it was quite collaborative with the producers and the writers whatever, But how did you feel going in to tell this story that had never been told.

It's interesting because in some ways it's incredibly exciting to be able to be like the first autistic actress in Australia and to be play such an important role, Like I didn't have anyone growing up that I could look to, and I think that's a really large reason why I struggled and why the other kids around me struggled to understand me, because there was no one that any of us could look to and go, oh.

Yeah, that's that's like Chloe. So now that.

Kids have someone that they can look to in Quinnie and in so many other characters that are now starting has come up as well.

It's so important. It's going to say lives.

But on the other hands, Heartbreak High came out in what twenty three?

Maybe yeah is post COVID, Yeah, post COVID.

That's ridiculous that it took us that long to get an autistic character that was showcasing herself in that way. That's wish, that's not something to be celebrated. That's abhorrent that it.

Took that long. Do you think it took that long? I think that's such a multifaceted question, but.

In like as the most basic answer, I don't know, because.

It shouldn't have taken that long.

If we want to look deeper, our world values a very very specific idea of normality, and that isn't just true for neuroda virgens. That's true for gender, it's true for sexual orientation. It's true for race, it was true true cultus, for women, it's like it's it is true in every every single facet of the word. We value a very very specific idea of being a person, and so anyone that is outside of that box is still considered revolutionary and is still considered taboo.

Because it's almost like.

The entertainment job was to present normal. But as the world has changed and we realize that that definition is so small now, it had to be a revolutionary act to start to say, let's show some of what's not normal and So when you were first contacted about the role, was it a straight up audition or were you.

Yeah, so the Heartbreak Hay audition was pretty standard in terms of it was it was actually an open casting call, so I believe that anyone in Australia could audition for it.

But what were you doing at that point that led them?

Wasn't because of no So I so I got sent the audition brief from my ma and there was three characters that they were auditioning for at the time, and Quinnie was one of them. And she I believe the time it was written that she was possibly NEURROTI virgin.

It wasn't set in stone from memory, it was like possibly ne're at.

A virgin neurota vigent coded sort of thing. So I saw that audition and I was my whole thing at the time was competitive horse riding, so I was competing in rodeos and stuff like that, and I was actually when I got the audition, I was in Bonnie Doom competing and I saw this audition.

And usually if an audition.

Comes through and I'm in the middle of competing for the weekends, I'll kind of go it's not God's timing. I'm not supposed to do it, you know, put it to one, put it to the side. I'm focusing on this now. This came through and I could just tell so deeply that this was my job. I was like, this is my character. I like, that's my job. And there's actually a video somewhere of me competing and you can see my lips moving and it's me practicing my

How did the audition go? Then, so you must have felt good. I don't know.

I don't know if I felt like I did good. I was just like, I just want this so bad. I wanted it so so bad. And then I don't remember. It felt like years, but I'm not I think it was probably a week or so later that I got contacted or that he got contacted by the casting team asking me to do a second audition, and then a little bit after that, they asked me to do an audition in front of the producers and the casting team,

That's interesting, yeah, because as an actor auditioning for things, you're always looking for the little clues that you know to see how you're.

Going a lot, yes, But with that being said, like I was doing camorriads every single day with different different actors for other roles, right, And so my whole family and my team were like, like, you are so close to this, and I was like, I'm not listening. I don't want to hear it because if I don't get this, I don't want.

To be disappointed.

Because at this point, there had been so many jobs that I had. I was like, it was down to me and one other person and I didn't get it. And there was also a couple of jobs that I had and then they found out that I was autistic and I lost the job.

Now I've heard you, I've heard you mention this before once. How does that look like? How does that work? And how do they how do they find out that you're autistic in a way that it affects them to the negative of the job that when they've met you and cast.

You the correct problem correct.

That's the entire issue that and media has a lot of foothold in this. The way that autism has been presented historically in media is extremely negative. When you hear about autism, it's either from the lens of Sheldon Cooper

When they these producers for these roles that you were offered and then were retracted.

So the idea is that they hear autism. Goody as you know Chloe's autistic.

Well, I told so the role that I lost specifically, I think it was over a decade ago now that this specific incident happens.

So time is important in these conversations, isn't it.

Absolutely I don't.

I think discrimination laws would stop that from happening.

Now. I don't know.

I have heard of people in the industry I'm I work with MAAA there, I'm on the disability board for that, and I have heard of some really horrific stories of disabled people losing jobs because of being disabled or being discriminated against because of being disabled.

It still happens every single day.

But with this specific incident, it was over a decade ago, and I think I told them that I was autistic.

After they told me.

That I had the job, and they sent me an email and said, hey, we've decided to change paths. We're going down a different route. They didn't tell me that I didn't get the job because I'm autistics, but there was no new information for them other than me being artistic when I lost the job.

Well, this is an interesting thing because because of your advocacy and your openness, and there's so much education to be done. Still, even though there's such a plethora of neurodivergent people and people neurodivergence amongst people that people love and children and cousins and brothers and whatever, that it still seems a rarity. It's not a rarity anymore. But

I want to play characters.

I think that having autistic people playing onistic people is absolutely vital. I do not think anyone that is not autistic should ever play an autistic person. With that being said, I don't think that autistic actors should only be playing autistic people, especially because I am quite positive that the majority of the industry is neurodivergent. So you're not going to have any characters atist. But I'm an actor. My

And I love Quinnie.

I think She's done incredible things for the community, but her whole storyline is that she's autistic. We need to move away from that. She was incredible and I love her like Quinny is so important to me, but her job was to be the autistic character and she did incredible it being that, we now need to go a step more and we now need to have characters that just so happened to be disabled and it has nothing

We need to.

Cast and they happen to be in a wheelchair.

We need to now have what Bridgington did with Race exactly and also the most recent season of Bridging and also did really well when it comes to disability casting. One of the one of the maids is an amputee. Awesome, and we never hear about She never brings it up, No one else ever brings it up. She just happens to be an amputee. There's there's two people in Bridging and that are using sign language and it's never brought

So, given the nature of your advocacy and how alive that is, do you sometimes feel that you have you bear the responsibility for so many people behind you, or they're be coming through the.

Door with you.

I think I am very privileged to be in the body that I'm in because for me, despite the fact that i was bullied and not treated kindly, because I'm autistic, because I appear to be able bodied, and because I'm white, and because I'm conventionally attractive, it is much easier for people to listen to me than it would be to listen to someone else.

And because of that, and also, you.

Know, I know that I'm good at my job, and I know that I'm good at speaking, and I know that I'm good at Pixie.

I know that all of that is there too. But because.

Of the body that I'm in and the position that I'm in and the privilege that i have, I'm able to be where I am. And I think it's very very important that we don't stop there. Quinnie was incredible for who she is, but Quinnie was only one representation of autism, and she was an extremely palatable version of autism. She was very manic, pixie dream girl autism. She was very cute, and she was very quirky, and she wasn't controversial and she was very sweet.

And that's palatable.

So it's an easy digestible way for people to go, Okay, I.

Can accept autism.

We now need to leave her and we need to move away from that, and we need to offer those positions to black autistic people and non speaking autistic peace people and autistic people that live in bodies and present differently to the way that I do. And in some ways that is my responsibility, but it's also the responsibility more so for the industry and for key players in the game. My job is to go, you've given me these jobs. I need you to open these jobs up

And do you ever feel like some days when because you have a finite amount of energy that there's not enough energy for that, or you wish you didn't have to exchange your energy on that.

It's not my job to advocate for everyone all the time. And that's something that I have to continue to remind myself because I get told by a lot of people that I need to have this energy and this passion twenty.

Four seven as no one can do that. It is not up to me.

And I get told a lot often by the autistic community that I'm not doing enough, oh.

Really quite often.

And I understand whether that's a huge community, absolutely, And that's that's the thing, Like I absolutely understand where that frustration comes from. I one, one hundred percent understand why they are frustrated. But it is not up to me alone.

And there are so many autistic people out there now.

Like when I started blogging, I didn't see anyone else that was talking about it. Now, if you go to a bookshop, there are so many books made for autistic people by autistic people.

There are a lot more than just me. Now, there are significantly more than just me. Now.

It shouldn't be up to me, and it shouldn't be up to me alone, and it also doesn't have to be exactly and that's what community is. Community is if I need to take a break, someone else is going to step up and we need to That's how we need to be in all facets of society that I if I need to step down because if I'm burnt out, but I'm not going to help anyone. No, And I think the biggest thing when it comes to advocacy is we have to put we have to put ourselves first.

So if I step down, more step up.

And also you have to live your life to its fullest, and that means not necessarily taking on everyone else's challenges

How was that?

And I mean the whole cast was riding the wave as well, deservedly so, But how was that for you on an individual basis, given that you came from a background where you'd been persecuted for being different before. Was there any elements of that that you were like, Oh, I have to proceed a bit cautiously here, or do you know what I mean?

People told me to proceed cautiously. I had people that were very key players in the industry told me that I wasn't allowed to speak up anymore, and for a really long time it terrified me. I was told by people that because I was told by people that I can't bite the hands that feeds me. And I've been told that a lot.

And in what way would you have been barding the hand I am in the general industry?

Yep?

And if journalists are going to speak negatively about autism in articles that feature me, if people are going to be doing really evil things in the industry, I'm not allowed to call them out on that.

You know why. That's like that saying, never pick a fart with some one who buys ink by the barrel. Yes, so they've got you don't want to antagonize the people who hold the power.

See, And I've been told that a lot.

I have been told by so many people that now that I'm in the industry, I can't criticize the industry. I think, more so than ever, I need to criticize the industry because I'm here, and I think that's true for anyone. I think you know, have look at all of the stuff that's happening with the Epsteine files and how many major musicians and labels and managers are in it.

We have to call people out.

If you're not calling people out, you're being complicit in it.

And that it's just as bad.

I was told about for a really long time that I'm not allowed to and that scared me so much because I thought that I had to choose between my career and my advocacy. I had to choose between my ethics and my values and my dreams.

That's not the case.

You have to be strong in your ethics regardless of what you're doing. And I don't want to be in this industry if I have to forfeit my morals and my values just to get to where I want to go.

Was there a moment where, because there was so much spotlight on you, and because like I said, you were such a breakout star on the show amongst many stars like they're great, great work on that show, did you ever feel this is too much? Or did people around you think this is too much? Were you ever aware that there was that slight competition or oh, Chloe's getting something again or I don't.

Think so, and again, like I just don't like I see my co stars getting incredible roles and there's no part of me that goes, oh, that should have been mine.

I want to celebrate.

Them, I think, particularly like when I look at other young women in this industry, I just want to I want to lift them up.

I don't think this industry can survive if we're tearing each other down. And that's true for everything.

It's true, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen.

Absolutely, it doesn't mean that it doesn't happen. And it happens a lot more than what you would want it to. But that doesn't mean that we should also do it. Like we need to be the change that we want to see, and like when it comes to heartbreak, everyone is so like we all have so much love for each other that when we see each other doing well, we genuinely love that, Like we genuinely want to see each other doing well, Like your success is not an indicator of my own success, you know.

And also it's very much a collective. You raise one, you raise everyone, you know.

The rising tide. Okay, let me ask you this thing. Given that, how is how is the prospect of it ending? Or how is it ending?

How does that feel?

It's it's very bittersweet, you know, Like we were saying, it was my first big job.

I've been doing this for like five years. I think.

When I got heartbreak. The whole audition process was over zoom. We didn't meet until we all moved up to Sydney to stuff really yeah, which was very rare, but it's because it was all dreams. We didn't meet until we all had our roles, so none of.

Us met anyone.

I didn't meet the other actors, I didn't meet the producers, I didn't meet the directors. I didn't meet anyone until we had all moved up and were living there. Oh to start, and so I remember being terrified, Like I was at the airport with my parents and I was bowling my eyes out. I had to get home schooled in the eight because of how bad the bullying was. I'm terrified of people my age. To this day, I'm terrified of groups of people my age. And I went,

All just like me, and so I think that kind of.

Stay throughout the whole time, and so finishing it was very bittersweet because it was the first group of people that I'd ever felt safe to be myself around, and it was our first big job. And I remember like during season one, we would go out and we'd see other TV shows that had like signs on buses and we were like.

Oh, my god, imagine if that's us.

One day we're like, no, don't even say that, Like that's dreaming too big. Like we had no idea how big this show was going to go. Like we've grown in every single way you can grow together and have seen each other through everything. So finishing that show, like filming our last scene. I will never forget that feeling of finishing our last scene.

Yeah. The beautiful thing is.

The Australian industry is quite small, and so I know that we'll all be together in some capacity. It'll never be like it is now, And everyone tells us how special it is to have what we have and how it is so rare.

It's interesting though that you realize that, because you know, sometimes you're in a period where that will only happen once, but because you're in it, yeah, you don't recognize it. Yeah, but really special things, I think you know when they're happening.

I agree there.

And so on the last day, who was the what set you are?

So we we all got to film our last scene together. They made sure that the last scene of the whole shoot was a scene that all of us were in together, which was really beautiful. And it was really really late, like it was past midnight, and we were doing our last setup for this scene and we didn't know how many takes it would take, because you don't know if it's going to be a one hit wonder if it's

Of course, the touch us.

Yeah yeah, and then I remember they did it a few times, and every single time they would call cut, Like the tension was so high because we were all just standing there, just tense, going are they going to say it? Are they going to say it? And the last time we did it and they go, that's a series wrap. Yeah, a series wrap on heart break high. We all burst into tears. It was just yeah, I'm like,

Well, and they're going to have you in their lives.

Ye, because you're not going anywhere. I hope you know noway that I don't think you can be seen and now that you're a married lady.

Yeah, that's incredible, isn't it. Thanks.

I mean I find it incredible because I find the story of your first date incredible. I find that what it was on the apps you met Dylan who's now your husband on the apps.

Yes, it was during COVID and I will put on the record, I have never been a Tinder person. I was never I was never someone that was on dating apps because I didn't care for men very much.

I just didn't want to date.

And me and my sister both were like, let's just do it for a laugh, like we're bored, we can't leave the house. And then I think I met Dylan on like the first day, and we started talking. I went, ah, damn it, like I actually really like this one that wasn't meant to happen.

And what did you see.

On your profile?

Like what did you put?

My God?

But I think I actually don't remember what it was.

I think animals.

I think one of the first pictures was a photo of me at a festival, I think, and I think that's what Dylan mentioned. I'm like looking over him, now, give me any any details. I think it was a picture.

What was it? Come over here for a sec.

You will know, you will know, you will remember all too vividly. Come talking to these he.

Come, because there's no way you don't remember.

No, that was definitely one of them. Clothes wearing a she had like this rainbow, colorful, glitterly like festival fit on right, huge smile. And then in another photos I thought she was with a family member and that was that. Again there was smiling, but everyone's just got the biggest smile.

And what did she said anything about herself? Or were you just captured by the Rave Girl festival round?

Exactly what you said? But she was funny, Dylan, bye bye?

And then so you knew, which.

Is that's incredible.

You know what's even crazier is I this is so embarrassing. This is like year seven love story. But we're married now, so it's okay. I think we said I love you after day three? Like it like it, like said it for Dylan?

Did he yeah?

And we could have blurted it out.

I could have didn't, but I didn't. He sent it over a voice note on Instagram?

And wait did he mean yeah?

Because it was a voice like you intentionally press that button and.

Then intentionally send it. I'm not sure if that's brave or chicken to do it that way?

Will you being brave or scared?

I don't think it came out the way that I intended it to. It wasn't meant to be like I love you. It's like I love.

You and a right yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yeah yeah no, but that's yeah.

And then the other thing is like if you think that's crazy, what's even more like this is how I've never been the sort of person that was going to date just to date.

That's always been to me, silly.

I'm not going to open up my heart to someone knowing that I'm not going to be with them forever. That's always been a concept that just didn't make sense to me. Like, I've always been the sort of person that like, if i'm if i'm dating, my intention is to be with you forever, but how do you know to well, I'm also not like I'm also this, which sounds ridiculous because of how we met and how we started talking.

But I've also never been the sort of person.

That's like, oh, like I I find you attractive, let's date and see where it goes. Like I want to be your friend for like ages first, like I want to get to know you. I'm not going to commit to you until I'm like this is someone that I genuinely really love spending time with.

Right, And yet Dylan and I started dating like immediately, But I don't know. I think when you know you know what.

Was it about Dylan that one of.

The first things.

So we started dating, oh, started talking and pretty much became exclusive during COVID when Dill was in Melbourne, so like the Ring of Steel was happening, so there was literal army bases stopping people from living and I was in the country, so there was no way of us meeting. And so our first few dates were over zoom and the first date that we did was a like a game night, like we both like zoomed each other and then like shared our screens I think, and did like you know, like board games on.

The internet, right, And I.

Just felt so safe with him, Like I never felt pressured, I never felt scared, Like men have always been really scary to me. I'd never felt scared by him, and I've always I've always felt really nervous about sharing.

The whole parts of myself.

I've always had a mask on myself when I meet new people, I've put the mask on that I think they want to see. And bit by bit I kind of dropped that mask around him. And I think one of the first like.

What was the mask that you thought he wanted to say?

I think I was just I was trying to be.

In hindsight, I shouldn't have done this, and I very much tell women to not do this, but I was. I was very quiet, and I was very polite, and I was very like, I don't want I don't want to make a scene or anything like that.

And I remember, like one of the first kind of like.

Autismy bits of myself I dropped was that I'm obsessed with Titanic. And so the next date night that Dill planned was a quiz that was like full Titanic theme, and he dressed up for it. I remember going, OK, this is a good one.

What was he He wasn't the Iceberg?

No, he just had like that like he had he was wearing clothing from that time period, and that was.

How did he do that?

He he had this whole PowerPoint show, like this whole PowerPoint presentation and did like a.

Full like quiz.

And like He's just always shown me that the parts of myself that I thought that other people didn't want to see or that I thought other people would find cringey are the parts that he loves the most. And I think that's so important in a partner. Is everything absolutely, and like especially when you're autistic.

What bits, by the way, did you think, was there like a moment where you went, Oh, this is it, I've done it, I've cooked it.

They were there a lot of bits that I don't remember specifically, do you know what? And I think, I think this is actually quite showcasing of the sort of person that he is. But I actually don't remember specifically any bits that I went, oh, my.

God, I've cooked it.

But I remember my reaction to feeling like I've cooked sea. And every single time I apologize for being a burden, he wouldout fail before I could even finish the sentence I'm saying, I'm so sorry, I'm such a burden. He would say, You're not a burden, You're a privilege. And he would say that every single time, to the point where I don't feel like a burden anymore. And I think that's what a good relationship is supposed to be.

Yeah, that's beautiful.

Yeah, your wedding was so exquisite and behind the scenes glimpse behind the scenes that Bray who's our producer of this pod, was at your wedding and she did a story for Marie Claire.

It was so beautiful. It was the most perfect wedding of.

Tree family, stunning dress, thank you, handsome groom.

Uh huh, the embroidery on your dress.

Yes, I love that idea. Thank you, which were phrases that were significant.

Yeah, they were all Disney quotes from our favorite Disney films, because that's one of the first things that we like connected over with Disney. But yeah, the whole wedding was so lovely. I hate weddings. I hate weddings. I don't want to be a guest.

At your wedding.

I like, I hate weddings. They're boring, the food is disgusting. I'm sat at a table with people I don't know, and I have to make small talk for hours, Like, I don't enjoy weddings. And then the other thing as well that made me not enjoy the idea of weddings is when I got engaged, every single woman in my life was like, it's the biggest day of your life.

It's the biggest day of your life.

And I what I heard when they said that was so, you're telling me it's all downhill from here, right?

I hate that was terrified eyeing.

And so for our wedding, we we had vegan food trucks everywhere. We didn't have a sit I'm vegan, but I don't cook, so Dylan's vegan by proxy, right, Okay, So yeah, we had like vegan food trucks and we didn't have a sit down table. We had like like bean bags and like tables and stuff people to go and stand if they wanted to.

But it was like just going to do what you wanted.

Yeah.

Absolutely, we had game setup and we had like and I just wanted it to feel like a big party because the other thing as well that I've always found really strange about weddings is how.

People are like, oh, like, this is you committing to them?

Like I committed to Dylan the day that I met him. It's always been weird to me that it's like you're free until you say I do it. That's weird, Like I don't think you should get married if that's your idea.

Of Sure, what it was that you do it in front of family and friends as kind of a different ring of steel around you. Yeah, I thought it was that.

See. Even with that, I'm like, there already was a ring. Like my dad.

The day that Dylan came to my house, which we weren't even like technically dating. Yeah, the first day that Dylan like actually came to my house, it was the first time we met, and he came to my house because he knew that would be safe for me if it was in an environment that I was comfortable.

With my dad.

The first thing you said to him is if you ever hurt my daughterroom going to take you knee cups off you. Like that ring of steel was like solidified before we even like technically started dating.

Like, so even with that, I.

Was like, I'm like, I'm already committed to this man in every single way.

How did you happen by that?

How was that? Dylan Surris? Yeah surprising.

Yeah, Like, I'm already committed to this man in every way you can be. Like, So, the way that we all saw the wedding was just a big party with music that we got to choose, and food that we got to choose.

And everyone and people we got to choose.

And I think, yeah, that's that's what a wedding was to us, Like it was just a big party. And I found kittens. We found four kittens on our wedding day.

Oh and we kept all of them.

Really, I was actually late to the aisle because I was on my hands and knees with the under under a shed.

I was on my hands. Did she found them?

So I heard them my sister, So like we got married on a farm, and we stayed on the farm the night before and my sister was out doing something and saw these kittens. She ran just like Chloe, this kittens. And I was like, call the wedding off. We have to find these kittens. And so we went out and we got married very close to my family home, and so I got my mom to run home and I was like, get tuna, get a bag of whiskers, get water, get a cat carra, like I need the whole thing.

To try and get these kitten a beautiful dress. No, I was.

I had my hair and makeup done and everything, and yeah, ended up being late because I had to try and catch his kittens.

We didn't catch them.

But then the day after, I was like, I was distraught because I was like, I'd named them, I'd plans a whole life with them, and then I couldn't find them. And then as we were leaving, all four of them, they were four weeks old, all four of them were sitting around this little can of tuna, and I was.

Like, quick, get the kangaries, get everything, and we kept all four of them. I've got two of my sisters got to wow. Yeah.

And so I feel like that's just I feel like, yeah, I feel like they're like Freyer goddess, Goddess Freya blessed our marriage because in ancient mythology, Freyer was a goddess who traditionally wipes would be gifted a great kitten on their wedding day.

Was she like Norwegian?

She's yeah, no, thank you not Norwegian.

Yeah, and she and yeah, so we have we have two female great kittens, and one of them is called Freya. And then our two boys. But yeah, I feel like Freya blessed our marriage that day. I feel like it started well.

Chloe Hayden, I believe that you are blessed in many ways, and some of them have been bestowed upon you, and some of them you have gifted unto yourself, which is just perfect. Really, I cannot thank you enough for sharing yourself with us on No Filter and for your inner an external beauty. Thank you, it's just lovely.

Thank you, and thank you Dylan for your cameo like my cameo. Yes, exactly, that was Chloe Hayden.

Through her work, her advocacy, and her honesty, she's helped change the conversation around autism for so many people. But as we heard today, being the person everyone looks to can come with its own pressure. Her story is a reminder that representation matters, but so does allowing people the