Conversations With Women About Marriage

What's up? And welcome back to another episode of No Sealer's Podcast with your hosts Now fuck that with your loap glasses, Malone.

Please don't worry, trust me. The last thing I'm scared of is.

Anything, And that's the problem. It's the fucking problem my drinking and dropping. My last thing I'm worried about is any exactly. Oh, let me ask you a question, Pete, what's the best age to get married?

Shoesh that's a good question. Not for Pete, No, I'm not saying.

Okay, for regular human beings.

Yeah, death is not an age.

If you're asking you, there's never a time to die, There's never a good time to die.

Shout be told. It's probably it's probably mid twenties, early mid twenties.

Britt, When is the best time the best age for a woman to get married for.

A woman, I would say somewhere in the early thirties.

Red, When is the best time for a woman to get married?

I say twenties, early twenties.

Siah, when is a great time the best time for a woman to get married?

Thirty seven and a half or something the other side of thirty.

Okay, So let me ask you a question for the thirty year olds, right, the guys that said thirty brit side, Why is it thirty years old? Why is that?

Because I think, Okay, she's gonna do. I just think that. I don't know why. I think it's a good age. I just think in your twenties you're kind of still trying to figure it out. Most times, you probably if you some most some people go to college and do all that and then live on they you know, lead

I've seen the difference in ages and getting married, and I think that thirties is good, Yes, good, because.

In your twenties, depending on how you.

Were raised, that's the time that you get to yourself to figure out some shit.

What are you figuring out? Brett? And sayah, in your twenties, who you are, what you want?

I don't say like whether you know you're career like things in that nature, like better yourself, Like I don't know. In my twenties, like I said, I had a kid and so I was definitely trying to figure a whole lot of things out. But for those like my sister, you know, she's twenty seven, I could not see her being married right now. Like she's like literally traveling and doing a lot of things with her career and stuff like that, and she's she's really understanding what she wants

What did you learn about yourself when you knew yourself?

Shit that I I was putting. I needed to focus more on myself. I gave a lot of myself and I did a lot. I don't get emotional, but basically I just I do get emotional do don't do that to me. But I'm just saying like, I just felt like, I just felt like I gave myself a lot and a lot of different things and I sacrificed a lot when there was no reciprocation of any of that through any of those times in my life. So I think as now as I got older, I just feel like

Are you person?

I don't know, Man, I can't explain to you why she lives out of her heart space. I can't even tell you why. I honestly g I just that's just hard. So as I got as I got older, I started feeling like, damn, I've really been this person. And when I needed shit the most, I literally was like, Damn, I look at my hand, I'm damn.

Are you really that person? Then?

I am that person? Because that's why it hurt me so much, because that that was me and I really I don't know just now.

It's just.

That was me, because I wouldn't have done it if it wasn't.

The reason I'm asking is because like, why would it bother you if somebody else is you? If you're just being you, Like even like when I'm being me, right, it's like, it don't matter what nobody else is doing. Like if I'm giving you energy, it's because I want to give you energy. That's who I am. I'm not looking for it to be reciprocated.

Well, okay, I showed the wrong word as far as reciprocate. I'm just feeling I just feel like I've always just been that person and important person and doing a lot of things, and in my head I'm thinking like the world would do the same, like you know what I mean, like and it just it's not like that.

But that's why I asked, is it really you? Because I don't think I've ever looked for the world.

Well I'm not saying I look for it, but I just it just feels a certain type of way, like if you wake up in the morning and you can't fucking call motherfucker whatever it is that what you need, it's just like, damn that makes you feel a certain type of way. I'm not saying I looked for it, but it did hit you when it actually happened, though, and that's how it hit me.

So I think if you if you were looking at it as an expectation that they would do it for you, Yeah, then that's where it's gonna end.

Because disappointment only lives where expectation exists.

Yeah, you're right about that, But I don't think, like I said, guys, I don't think at that moment when I was doing it, I wasn't expecting anything at that moment.

When you're always for someone and then when you're going through something you may need something, nobody is able to give you what you.

Need or not even won't even give a fuck to Okay, like you know so, and it's and it's cool because I made that decision. No one woke me up and said, hey, go over there and do this and that. No one told you to do any of those things. So I'm saying, as me getting older, that's how I learned myself. Like, well, maybe I wasn't shit. I don't know. Maybe talking to you guys right now is making anythink, But I'm telling

I totally get it, but I'm just saying the reason I'm saying that, right, and because I still haven't figured out quite why you would need to be thirty something, I don't think.

I got a hypothesis on that.

No settlings, glasses, love. My boy Peter is in the house, Bred is in the house, the sister Siah is in the house. I'm gonna make this your simple, give me your hyppot.

This is peak, I think, quote unquote finding yourself. And that's sort of a context means I need to build myself up to be more independent and less vulnerable so that I can be in a relationship that has more defined barriers, where I can exist comfortably without being so exposed to being dependent on somebody else because there's risk involved in that.

That could be it down, which.

Kind of set to that for failure.

Though it does, it's a mentality that's not really all that great when the expectation is this is the singular individual that you have chosen to commit the rest of your life to sharing with.

You shouldn't have those inhibitions. If you're gonna, if you if you're gonna take that.

Journey, take on that journey, you shouldn't bring that with you for that journey.

You can't shoot the shot worried about missing. Yeah. Yeah, I saw something on Instagram and it was like, yeah, girl, you need to travel and see the world and you need to date. And I thought to myself, like, like, the worst thing you can do is like go through me and other experiences. Yes, like literally, because what you do is start to compare everything.

I agree with that.

I think it's best twenties. You're young, you're growing, you're learning, but you're doing it with your mate. That's the only person like that you're with, So you your guard is down because you're everything is new to you. I think the later that you wait, you've really just had a chance to just you know, you having a party. Yet we're getting to know each other, but I mean getting to know yourself.

True, that has to.

Happen, but you're really just you're just going through men and you're just kind of learn unless you're not dating, unless you're not dating, well not fu Yeah, Okay, yes you're not.

Yeah, you're right.

You could date, yes, unless you're not having sex and you're not, you know, in these relationships that are marriages, but they're not marriages.

Gotcha, then okay, But otherwise.

I mean, get married, be with that person, commit, do it, learn, be vulnerable, to be able to just take it all in.

I mean, I just know too many. I personally know too many. Well, three people I know that it was with their person from like nineteen all the way up until their forties, and they're not together no more.

Yeah, listen, you know what I'm saying. You're not gonna shoot every You're not gonna make every shot you take.

No, But I'm saying that that that's probably another reason why I would say to kind of like wait a little bit, But I don't. They were together more really long time, but.

More times than not, though young marriages last the longest.

I do agree.

It's actually like a statistic.

You're like learning when you're when you're learning about yourself, you're learning how to be a partner through all those learning years, as opposed to when you're a single. You learn to be learning how to be single for all those.

And you become more selfish. I agree with that.

Longer.

I agree with that by yourself.

I've learned is more? Is it?

I've just learned it's too much, a series of more and more and more things.

I don't think that.

You don't like that's true, that is really true.

I got it, okay, So I didn't know guys, but like that too, because I didn't think that, and.

I like that. I think about it when you If I'm gonna go with them, then I'll just I'm already with.

The I'm learning to love myself more. Somebody else I don't like it.

Yeah, I know all. I'm just no longer and longer.

Honestly, he's not lying.

Ship.

That's how I feel about being a parent. As every I look at everybody I know who's a parent. I look at kids, and I be like, yo, this is not a good idea. It's not going the other way. Like I don't wake up every day like, oh man, one day I hope to be a parent. It's like every day I look, I'll be like when I was young, Like it's almost like you ignorant, right, and you don't know.

If we look age.

Of like first child born again, like if we were to look at a chart, you know, so like that determined how old people were at their first at the age of their first child being born, it's probably to some degree you shaped you have young and ignorant, then you have smart enough to know not to do it right now. Then you have oh shit, if I don't do it now, it's never gonna happen.

Let's do it.

That would be a great chart.

That is because some women be like, oh, my class ticking.

So Sia is mad because we had a conversation because she because she said that right there. But what we were just playing in the side, because I was talking about spirituality and nature and I was like nature when a woman that.

Her period cut cut, don't just let's not go.

Into we're going there. So when I told her, when a woman has her period, that's nature entering her into womanhood. Okay, right, Pete was explaining to her, like she Pete just talked about He said, what's the word you use with Sida when she wants to find the small nuances and make that the whole point.

Of defining the rule by the exception?

Exactly right. So she was like, what if somebody had a period at nine? I'm like, bro, like, what are you doing? Why would you say? Why would you say that?

Lazy ship?

Most people don't find no period?

You're doing it.

You're doing it. You guys are all doing it. Ag again, you're defining the rule by the essex.

And you have your period. It's okay to pro create.

That's literally, it's not that's not what it's said. I said.

Nature makes it to where she can pro create.

But she's still growing and learning.

She's gonna you're you're still growing and learning, and.

You're between a woman twelve and a woman at forty is negligible, exactly.

I agree.

I hate this conversation.

I understand because the truth and facts are hard for you because you live in a space where you want to feel good about anything.

Converted.

It's not it has nothing to do pervert perverted listen, Yes, but but but how do you care strong? Yeah, but that's because you're not existing in facts. You know what? Wing Still you're going, you're growing, still have That.

Doesn't mean they're ready, they're they're they're being prepared.

Nature totally disagrees.

Yeah, Nature says that the nature told that.

They're having a period. Nature, you have to learn, learn what it is and how it feels and what it is.

No, they do not, Yes they do.

Why for some animal wants to come and just take over what they're experiencing right away, because no, nature's not saying that.

Nature is saying that, So you just.

Don't snore what nature is saying.

It's saying that, but it's not yet.

They're mothering that it's about to be ready after you understand it.

You don't understand your ship. Now, fine, what the hell are you talking about again?

That's not kind of like, yes, when I got pregnant, I was just like.

Oh, yeah, when you got pregnant, you were alone when the baby came out, No, you weren't eleven, but I know anyway.

You mean you you mean you didn't have it figured out and you wasn't eleven.

And I was like, it feels like alien.

So anyway, that's not so, that's not like I have another human to be so but that's not the point that So we were explaining to her that that's nature's way of saying she is ready to procreate. So so I had a problem with that. I'm like, don't like if they're thirst like, don't take that up with me, to take it up with fucking nature. Like, And we were talking about standards versus emotions, and we're like, California has set a standard that says the legal age of consent for a woman.

Is eighteen, Okay, so is that.

In Nevada the legal age of consent the standard is sixteen. And I'm telling her nature says it's when she has her period. Now again, we live in a society with standards because we exist in here, even to the point where people from California be telling about she ain't eighteen, it's nasty, but in Nevada, like if it's sixteen, she's nasty.

You don't necessarily yes, like A just said, you probably yes, do it doesn't You don't have to. Why do you always think people just just.

Why do I think everybody out here fucking no, not like that?

But you just you don't have to.

But more than likely they were fucking what are we talking about?

All the time?

You can date.

It's plenty of guys I dated.

There's plenty of guys you dand that you fucked, and.

I sure did. But but what I'm saying is.

You don't.

Went on and keep it one hundred?

Did you roll it back like a car of the knowledge?

Was it like off?

No?

Isn't nothing like that in my face right now?

I'm not about that's what drawing loan backwards.

But no, I don't know. All the thing that's crazy ain't because us product.

Man.

I was just saying, as far as.

I think the term is certified.

Pre hey, well, I mean as long as was it the car facts, I mean you could get them.

I don't know. You don't want nobody to check your car fact?

What you mean you better get recorded.

Something like that?

You let me know, right like for real?

Because never never I'm saying, think about how many owners they would switch hands.

I always like to let my cars appreciate on someone else's.

I about a valance.

Since we're being.

Honest, well that's a difference.

Boy.

Of course it should have brought the real, real, good, full flash form to night.

I just want to know.

I know it's not the same when girls have a certain amount of people they sleep with.

Its terrible both men. It's okay.

So I just want to know, what do you want to know?

How many women have you been with? What's your maleage?

We never asked nobody mind because I have to laugh it.

We never ad guy, I ain't never had to do that ship like that. I never asked guys don't I think because guys really don't want to tell you.

Honestly, he gonna tell your cool really and that's not bad because he've been fucking for twenty years and I've.

Been single for fifteen years.

So you average in like once a month.

Maybe, No, it's not that consistent like that. It's more like.

It's more like rain season in Phoenix. It's dry for long pier of time and then there's a monsoon season and then it's.

Dry for a very long period that I can't.

It averages out.

You get enough ring.

Yeah, it's less than a year. It's less than ten years.

Because Pete don't really see the value in a wife.

It's part of that for me. Yeah, it's it's two things. I'll be I'll be very frank. That is for for where I'm at in my life now. That is the truth.

He doesn't.

Yeah, they don't bring any value to me now to where my life is or has been for a lot of years. Additionally, I'm not trying to just have a girlfriend for the summer to have one. If I'm not, if I'm taking myself out of the marketplace, it's because I'm trying to make that one the one otherwise I'm in the marketplace. So since I can't take anybody out of the marketplace with the standard that I have, except for my own self, I'm not gonna do it.

Okay, makes sense sense. It's tough because one hundred years ago people got married to get pussy, and you know what, because it was that hard to get pussy one hundred years ago, it was tough to get pussy. At one time as a woman, nobody asked you what you brought to the table because they know what you brought to the table.

They also didn't ask what your number was because they knew it was a round numbers than one.

So so what I'm saying is they didn't you knew at that time you brought pussy to the table, and that was like enough because pussy was like it was like through the roof. It was like I get consistent pussy, like this is here for me, like vagina. That was a huge incentive if you go to Islam. It's like Islam when they talk about like yo, if you blow up this building, you get twelve virgin This was.

All drafted prior to the telecom industry.

Said like like you ever listened to the stuff the would tell me, like, you know, if you do this for a lie, like you know, you get in heaven, you get thirty r niggas will kill theyself for thirty virgins.

Wow, that's a great ten days. That's an epic week and a half.

So you but but and and that person would literally like kill themselves for virgins. Yeah.

Now I would kill myself just trying to find a virgin.

Yeah, oh man, chance.

God damn.

Morbid and dark.

I don't know today's time. Y'all said they had the virginity at nine. Them motherfuckers is fucking nasty, fucking nasty. Yeah, you said they having a fucking periods at nine, and shit they at twelve. They probably got you the different even just rolling up on rolling up on an eleven year old, just rolling up on eleven year old. You get somebody in middle school, like what I.

Heard, you just got to sixth grade.

Oh, hold, you're fucking wrong. But I know for sure there was at least five girls fucking when I was in middle school. Yeah yeah, I know, like I know five, But I didn't get no push to in middle school for sure.

I'm a white girl. One of my goodest friends, Lauren but.

You know what's crazy. Me and Pete was talking about something. Me and Pete was talking about something that was crazy. Pete was telling me when he was growing up, And I think this is one of the greatest lies that they told us. Everybody said white girls were whores. They was fucking like in high school, or they was just sucking penis.

I think.

That like in high school, Like in high school, here's a question. In high school. Okay, let's say you wasn't fucking how many girls did you think was fucking in high what high schoold you go to?

A Newport Beach I went to most of my time. I was at Newport Harbor High School?

Close How many girls you thought was like, man, you know if I fucking her?

Pretty low? That was a pretty low number.

And the few that were doing that, they had like that one boyfriend the whole time, and it was like super duper like.

Under wraps, you know what I mean, both parties. It wasn't really like that.

Like, for example, in my four years in high school, there was one knock up that happened at the whole high school the whole time, and it was a It was a chick that transferred in from Santa Santa Anna Unified.

It wasn't even one of.

I go get it, you go get Santanna like that. Uh, you're gonna get that sant Ana like that. That's what we're doing.

It's the truth.

In the tenth grade and she sat next to me in geometry class, I was like, Oh, she's cute and there ain't even Blanca.

And she was supposed to read from like paragraph one of the geometry books. Man, she couldn't read.

Did you try to get pussy?

Nah? I couldn't speak Spanish. It was a non starter.

Oh no, where did you find you?

I don't know.

I know he not lying.

Where did you find you?

I know he got lying.

I mean that was just our community.

Yeah, because for sure, Saya was fucking red.

Was fucking fucking I went to junior.

Wait a minute, y'all. High school I wasn't.

I wasn't.

I had a.

Scary ass parent who was like, if you do anything, they're gonna I'm gonna know.

Well later in high school.

Yeah, but I did love my virginity.

I lost my virginia in high school. I was remember I told you my my first love.

I remember that.

Yeah, And then I waited a long time. Two and a half years after that when I got my my boyfriend.

Double okay, peace, I had sex when he got out of jail and I was in college.

And that's another reason why I'm be honest with you. Another reason why I don't feel like I got married because I felt like I lost my soulmate. I think, like I really feel like if because it was just how I felt with him. So it took me a long time to even I didn't really get No, I'm serious.

I'm trying to be apathetic.

I just feel like it took me up. It just took me a while to look at somebody like like that. No, he was just my best friend, like that was.

I know it took you a whole twenty four months.

Did not.

It took me longer than that.

You said two years?

Right, No, I'm saying this, noe, I was with him, but I'm saying he passed away after that. But I'm saying like he was that was my soulmate. I felt like that was my soulmate. And you know, shit, that's why I feel like.

This the one that you was in high school with. Uh huh?

Well, no, okay, So I had my very first boyfriend.

I was with him from like, so you're not even the soul mat got the pussy first.

Nope, and listen, I always keep it one hundred. I literally did that. I told you I fucking had sex because motherfuckers was doing I even want to fucking ask. That's why after I had sex the first time, I didn't have sex until two and a half years or so later. And that's when I met When I was telling you about myself, So that was just like the dumbest shit.

So care pressure really made Did you lose your virginity?

I think it's real.

I couldn't.

You could't get no pussy.

Still pure pressure at my school for me to get for the girls.

But they was like, how close did you come in high school to get into buzzy? You never was closed to I know you had to start trying at least by tenth or eleventh grade.

I mean you're always trying. Trying is a special state of mind. But I got my dicks a few times in high school.

I was about it said the white girls, girl ain't putting this.

The main two warn't or white girls though.

This is gonna be too much. No, see this is gonna be racist.

No, I did not get.

About to pass out.

Come.

Oh this is gonna come across so racist. Okay, who don't tell me who's subject? We're not going to you asked you, But I don't want to know.

As teacher, I know that ship.

I've done better in school.

Oh my god, I'm crying. I want to know that. I don't want to know, because it's to come across the white girls. Oh no, he said no white girls was giving him. No, no, no one, no one did one of the Okay, okay, at least you.

Was failing people Opportunity coalition.

It was a joint. There was a oh ship, don't say it, just let us move it on. Let's move it on. Let's move So pure pressure made you came in for sex to.

Red Oh yeah, my situation. It was pure pressure and I didn't want to do it, and they just kept going.

So you know one of them.

Oh god, that sounds like peer pressure of one like one peer it was gotcha.

It's the motherfucker some ship. That kind of sound like, yeah, I don't want to talk about it.

I didn't have any.

I didn't have any.

For a while after that.

The first time I had sex. A girl tricked me to give me some pussy.

Really, what were you?

This is what happened, right. So it was a girl that I was tutoring in trigonometry, Like I'm in the eleventh grade. I'm really good at math, like unbelievably even at that point, I had calculus and math, like I never not had ap math. So I was helping her, like, and she was in a class that I was in somewhere else, but she knew I was good at math, and she hit me. She was like, hey, would you

It was the worst.

Wow. Yeah, I think ours was every eight weeks, so like it was probably October because it came and they report card it's, you know, the halftime breakers. So she was getting in f and like she was finna be gonna punishment. So she was like, yo, would you tuning me in math? And I was like, yeah, I got you. Like, I mean, at this point, I'm selling dope, you know

What was the trick.

I'm gonna get to it because I wasn't trying to get pussy. Yeah, I wasn't trying to get pussy. Like I wasn't. I was dating the girl in high school that like guys wanted, she was too fast for me. She was trying to kiss me and shit my mouth. I was like, bro, why are you just like just kiss my lips? Like, don't put your tongue in my fucker. This is how I felt, right because honestly, to be honest, I'm just gonna be honest like I always thought I was.

She was just on me.

Long story short, I'm tutoring this other girl, right man, I'm tuting this other girl in math, right, So she's getting f like, and I'm good at math, like, I'm great at translating material like to whatever you fuck with. So I started tutoring her probably like twice a week, three times, not even charging her, like all right, I stoped by there, blah blah blah. So I tutor her, tutor, tutor, tutor, tutor, tutor. I'm still not tripping off of her, just helping her.

So.

She hit me and she was so pumped up. She was like, oh my god, I'm getting a B minus. Thank you G, I love you blah blah, thank you G. Blah blah blah. And I'm like, I saw, I love you. Know what I'm saying. I appreciate you, know what I mean. Like we're good. She's like, Okay, look, can we brush up for like one more thing? Blah blah blah. And I'm not thinking because I'm not pressing her for pussy, like I wasn't pressing anybody for pussy really at that point.

Then I would have came out with a something.

She came out with like a white rolle, have a robe, and then also a French tickler in her hand or something, you.

Know, she had like a wife like like a like a hotel bath room. But it was short.

Well you met her at the roadway in you should have you know, put two and two together.

So her it was short. So she came out, She's like, okay, I'll be right back, and she set the book down and she walked off, and I looked. I was like, bitch, wasn't where nothing under this role?

Right?

So I was like, that's crazy.

Now, So amidst all this trigonometry tutoring, you still couldn't do the math fact, I couldn't resist it. I couldn't fat.

So she walks off and I'm like now I'm like now I'm starting to be like, well is this walking out? She must be Hella comfortable with me, Like sudden sucks. So she came back and she was talking. She's like, I'm so grave, I'm so thankful, blah blah, and started taking off her role in front of me. And I'm talking about this motherfucker had already ded like thirty eighths. She was like, she was built. She was like an adult. Like no, like you know what I mean, she was

Definitely was giving you some.

So I remember that time right, like cause I remember I had sex for like twenty five minutes, right, and I did not come like I just the whole time. I don't think I could even be into the shit, you know what I mean. I didn't think I could be into the shit. You know what I'm saying. I was like, I cannot believe this is happening. This shit is great. So her mom came home, Oh wow, right, and we heard the mom. I don't know how she realized the mom was coming home or blah blah. So

An easy trip to have foiled. Once you got in the room and she took.

Off, you know, at that point, I know I caught it when she went back and once I've seen a rope. In the rope, I'm telling you, because the rope was short, you could see like cuff.

Yeah, so she was letting you get ready, and I still.

Didn't quite commit because I was like, wait a minute, it's been playing with me, like what is going on?

This don't happen to people like me.

Man, that's the first time it happened to me, and it really happened, and that shit was just like that, It's for real. I remember that motherfucker. Yeah, So that shit happened, happened. So I wasn't tripping off like I really. To me, the only person I ever tripped off pussy with took forever to give me some pussy. That's why I decided I was never gonna trip off pussy. You'll never hear me asking for no pussy. I don't go for who you if they said I asked for pussy,

Oh yeah, that's what happened to my sister.

Like, that's it. I think that's how most marriages are. I don't think most marriages are.

Like these, uh half my grandparents or that.

Yeah, I think I think marriages are really like that. They're like Maya.

Angelou's story of how she had her first baby. Her mom was like, do you love the boy?

She was like no, she do he love you?

She's like no. She was like, we don't need to ruin three lives.

I was like, that was a good I don't love that it says it. I don't know because I just think that.

It's because there's no there's no one role to a destination.

Yeah, but the problem is when you do that.

Yeah.

Yeah, it's like if you have a child and yours, if it's like you have to raise a child by yourself, the chances of you being successful are really slim. Just the truth, you know what I mean. It's a really tough dynamic economically, it's really hard. It's and it's fucked up, right because y'all have to raise kids single, right.

But sometimes you get married.

I didn't raise kids.

No, no, So do you want to get married? Britt? Sure? Why do you want to get married? Do you want to take care of somebody for the rest of their life?

Like?

Do you want to cook for somebody for the rest of their life? Do you want to nurture somebody? I mean, do you want to do that for somebody else for the rest of your life?

Yeah?

Do you want to obey somebody for the rest of your life?

Damn, that's hard, but yeah, I can.

No.

Do you want to like, are you like excited at the thought.

Of I'm not excited about it. No, I'm not jumping through hoops about it. But I mean, yeah, So you want to do cartwheels to obey.

Someone if they wanted you to do? Guardwell?

I mean ship. I don't know how to do a cartwell, but I mean for the right one, I might learn.

Right, that's a good like that positive attitude.

My thing is before you know? Did you me? Y'all don't know how much I've grown? But it's all good.

Oh, we know much roamed, We know a lot. We know much you roamed? Wow, I did not roam.

I'm not coming in next week. Anybody want to join.

And I'm not fucking with y'all.

Don't take that.

No, I'm not saying I'm not talking crazy, Brittain know what I'm talking about.

No, I know what you mean. No, and you're right it shiit ible. That's why am I actually well ain't married because I didn't want to do none of this shit you just said. But I also don't want to fucking be old and alone either. So it's like, where the fuck do you grow up and say, hello, you want you want someone to share your life with?

And I do.

I want to go and be with my men and stuff and be like my me and my me and my men like everybody else, like you know.

Lying like it's good.

Of relationship.

Can I ever think I have to be a lot? I think there's some people that are happy to everybody, not just run around here. But I mean, if you're not gonna get everything, you're not gonna I mean, because you don't.

See it like that?

What don't you see it like that? What don't you see it like what?

I feel? Like?

With you guys, y'all don't see women as a possibility of being like you're the partner, your best friend, the homie type of thing.

That's just silly across you do?

Really?

Or were you asking? You said, can't there be a relationship? Right? Sure? Are you were?

You're asking me to be in a relationship because you're like be obedient and.

That's what marriage is. They say, will you always cherish and obey?

M h?

I mean yeah, but are we gonna like if you're eating or if you're doing certain things that's not conducive or healthy for us?

Can I say something?

Whoever said that? You couldn't say nothing?

But are you gonna take it into consideration? Are you gonna move off?

Okay? So remember how you explained to me about obedience. She she's having that. I thought the same way, Like when you say obey, it's like almost like that ice. Yeah, like yeah, you're gonna.

Do But why is that the why is that? Why is it when discipline is involved you think the worst.

I'm gonna obey sometimes, But if I don't agree, can I say that?

No? That's the problem.

Now you're not if you're already agreeing and going to do it, that's just doing what you want to do and happening to be a coincidence that the other person also wants you to do that.

Hey, I failed.

I don't.

I have no relationship advice or ideas of what is wrong or what is right because they have failed my relationships.

That's because I for sure you know what's funny. It's not really like that for you. You just you're just being your own head too much.

Because I disagree with certain If I don't do you like that?

Don't like that, niggas you do not leave the standard. I mean, he could put penis in you, but that don't mean you get to put penis in him.

You guys, it shouldn't be.

You shouldn't be.

That's what I say.

If if I'm treating you a certain way, and then when you treat me a certain way, and I say that wasn't right.

And you be like, why is it that?

What do you mean?

That wasn't right?

And I don't like fighting, so let's fight and we But.

I'm asking you what there's this belief that things have to be equal in a marriage.

They don't because there's.

No such thing as equality.

I'm not just talking about marriages.

I'm just saying it's not so relationships between Like you said, love is not sex and I and I took that in consideration, like damn love, but it's a part of it when you're in type of relationships, not even part of it, even when you want a mate or a spouse.

I mean, that's like saying walking. That's like saying walking. That's like saying walking is a relationship.

I mean, yeah, but I would I wouldn't mind you showing me some love through sex with my mind.

That's not showing you when it comes.

But across the board, real love has nothing to do with sex, because I mean for a mom, love for child, love for you know.

I mean, love is just love is the extreme care and part of it all. But again, I think healthy relationships is yeah, but healthy is in your mind, and your mind healthy is is a little bit jaded, right because like if we're talking about what does it take to be married? Right, and then I'm telling you like they say honor and obey it, and that bothers you or you feel like you need to bother me, I know, because that's because at that point you don't want to be married.

No, if it makes sense.

Nobody's asking you if it makes sense. That's not all they were husband is not and that's that and that's that spirit of and that's that spirit of defiance that stuck in you right where you feel like you if you don't understand it, it's not good.

Enough donor in obeying.

It's my question your husband, that's the point of it.

But is it the man and the is it both ways or is just the one?

Why do you care? Because the details I'm asking you if if they're saying you need to honor and obey your husband, what difference do it make if it's both ways?

Okay, honor and no, okay, honor and obey does not have nothing to do with this, right.

If you don't do what if you don't obey because you disagree, then you're not obeying.

We're just saying digestion, right, that's I guess because I'm like honor and obey. It's it's like, yes, I'm following you, but and I honor you because I married you and of course I trust you. But then if it's something that I feel like, okay, we've been doing this in it and it don't make no sense, and I'll.

Be like, I think you should trust me on this one this time, and you just.

Stubborn because you're a man and you're like, no, I'm right all the time because I'm the man you need to honor an Obabian.

But I'm like, baby's just me. It's not gonna make any sense, and you just say no.

I think that's something else, like can some I'm gonna unenvoy you, but can sometimes if it gets that serious and you need to trust.

Me on this one, will you?

If you're not obeying, you're not obeying, And if somebody's not trusting your opinion then they don't. Then that's a different conversation.

Just like if I'm always submitting and it comes a time where I'm just like something inside of me is saying no.

Will you?

I think what you need to do in that scenario is you need to convince him to have a different directive that you can obey.

Oh okay, Oh I see, I see trying to persuade him into Yeah, I get it, I get that.

Yeah, Like that is just fucking crazy. What if I don't agree? Why do I have to bed? It's like it looks nobody's asking you, like I think, and I think this is about women where y'all just see it at the worst fucking point, Like what the fuck is a nigga going, what's the craziest thing a nigga asked you to do? Niggas, don't ask y'all to do nothing crazy.

That it's not done though, What do you mean I'm.

Telling you some crazy ship, Like, what what's the craziest thing a man asked you to do? Because it wasn't that crazy.

I don't think i've had any Like, what.

Does a man really ask you to do? That? You're like, oh my god, I cannot believe he asked me to do this. If a nigga don't even think it's cool enough to ask, he won't even ask you. He may hint, but he's not going to ask you. Man, that's not gonna ask. What's the worst thing a guy asked you to do? Roll up your windows? You lose your mind and you feel like it's an excuse for why you

I can think of a crazy thing that a guy uh asked his girl to do this. One girl was like messing with this guy who was like, I think, sixteen years older than her.

That was right, he was sixteen years older than you. And he asked her to have my son.

Oh yeah, he wasn't even my man.

Then, okay, oh my god, suggestion from passer by I get No, I was.

I told you he was up.

He was just knocking that thing down.

I was always.

Available when I wanted to go to him, and you decided giving him a son was worth it.

Oh yeah, that's true.

It wasn't even a boy, but I had a boy. I had no I'd have a boyfriend at the time.

But so this person wasn't he was. But you know what, you're traumat but it's not. Nobody know you, and nobody knows what we're talking about.

I had a boyfriend who I loved dearly, and he was he kept ended up in jail a couple of times.

So then the guy that was always there, you know, so when he got out.

That last time, we were never together again. But I still loved him.

We were still you know, after you after you had your kid with the passer byer Oh no, no, he.

Passed away, he passed away. Then I was just like he was always available. And then I was just emotional and went into him him and then he that's when he was like you know and then I was just like sure, you know, whatever, what is life? Let's try something else because I don't know.

We just living at work, go to sleep, go to school, hang out with your friends. Like what do people do in life? They don't think to follow their dream and goals and visions. They just think of following what they see.

A shoulder you can cry on, is a dick you can ride on?

Anxiety?

That's what.

Why we both go.

I was the.

I did he hits you with the oldest strip in the book.

I went to.

I'm Sorry.

It was like Will Ferrell was Crashers, but he was the funeral.

Crash single forever.

Looking out for Tune into the Not Sellers podcast. Please do us a favorite, subscribe, rate, comment, and share. This episode was recorded right here on the West coast of the USA and produced by my Homeboy A King for the Black Effect Podcast Network and nine Heart Radio. Yeah