It's night Side with Dan Ray. I'm doubly busy Boston's news radio.
Thanks very much, Nicole, as we open up a Friday night edition of Nightside. My name's Dan Ray, and I'm here all the way until midnight. It is now November first. Halloween is over, ladies and gentlemen. Let's now start thinking about turkeys and Thanksgiving and all of that we got. We're not gonna be talking about turkeys of Thanksgiving tonight. We will get to that at some point later this month.
But we have an interesting, really good show lined up for you tonight, so I hope you'll stick with us. We have four interesting guests coming up with at nine o'clock, we will have a debate, not a debate, a conversation, a discussion, if you will, on two points of view on question number four, and that is the question that deals with the legalization of psychedelics here in the state of Massachusetts, one of the five ballot questions you'll be if you are going to be voting on Tuesday, if
you've voted already, that you will have to consider. I have considered it. And then later on tonight we're going to talk with one of my I have three favorite polsters, Dave Paleologus obviously, Spencer Kimball, David at Suffolk, Spencer Kimball at Emerson, and John Zogby. John has been doing this
for about forty years. We'll see what he thinks. As we enter the weekend before the election of twenty twenty four, and then in the twentieth hour tonight, got a special treat for I'm going to ask people to call in if you are having some anxiety over whether or not your candidate is going to win the presidency on Tuesday, Whether you're a supporter of Vice President Harris, a former President Trump, and you are committed to that person, but
you're not confident they're going to win, you know, call in. We're gonna we're gonna do sort of a group session here which we're going to try to make everybody get the anxiety level down a little bit. We'll deal with that. I'll explain that a little bit later on tonight, but first we're going to start off, as you know this weekend. One of the other things this weekend, besides worrying about the presidential election, we have to worry about moving the
clocks backwards. We get an extra hour of sleep. But one of the byproducts of moving the clocks backwards something called the seasonal effective disorder. And with us is doctor Michelle Deblosi. She's the chief of inpatient Psychiatry Tufts Medical Center. Doctor Deblase. Some days I think I need you, I have to call you off here. But with everything that's going on, I think all of us need some help.
At this point, let's talk about seasonal effective disorder. This is actually something that affects a lot of people and affects them dramatically. First of all, welcome to Night's side, and please explain to people who have never heard of it, and I think most of them audience, have heard of it. What exactly do you mean by seasonal effective disorder?
Well, first of all, thanks so much for having me. This is really a great honor. So in terms of seasonal effective disorder.
It's actually doctor, but it's my honor to have you trust me. They call you to say, Doc, I need some help here. Remember I'm always.
Happy to help, always happy to help. So seasonal effective disorder does affect a fair amount of people. You know, I think for most of us, we tend to get kind of like the seasonal blues. You know, when it's like late fall, early winter, it's kind of less sunlight, it's darker outside, it's darker earlier, it's cold out. You know, we start to kind of feel like a little bit down, maybe like isolating a little bit more. But for some
people this can be really severe. So and that's what we call it seasonal effective disorder, where people actually get a true depressive episode, like they're not sleeping while they you know, lose interest in things they used to enjoy. They feel really down, really sad, and so you know, it can be a really tough time of year for a lot of people.
So what causes it? Is it the lack of sunlight? Is there a chemical reaction or or merely a psychologue I shouldn't say merely, but obviously if it's a chemical reaction, that's even I think medically more serious than if it's a psychological reaction.
Yeah.
So, I mean I don't think we know exactly what causes it, but there are several theories, you know, one of which is that with the decrease sunlight this time of year, we actually have less access in our brains to our feel good foremone which is called serotonin so that's one contributing factor. The other thing is, you know, with sunlight, we get more vitamin D in our bodies, and so with less lunch sunlight, there's less vitamin D that's available to us, and that can kind of worsen
our mood. And then kind of this third theory is that with less only our bodies actually are going to be producing more melatonin, which is something that some of us take us supplement at night to help us sleep, but it can make you just feel more like sluggish and down. So those are kind of like the leading theories, but I do think there's probably also a psychological component.
You know a lot of people kind of like isolate, don't go outside a lot, maybe don't spend as much time with people, and so that can kind of worsen the symptoms.
Yeah, and the symptoms for some people can be really tough. Probably the person who I know was impacted by it most severely was the former first Lady of Massachusetts, Kitty Ducaccus,
Governor Michael Decaucus's wife. And I don't know if you're a familiar or even if you were living here back when Governor Ducaccus was the governor, but after his time as governor and as a Democratic presidential candidate in nineteen eighty eight, Missus Ducaucus spoke pretty openly about having been impacted this way by this, and I actually did a piano discussion with her in Worcester with her and with Governor Decaucus. So tremendous impact on her and on the
Dacaccus family. And that's when it was driven home to me, this was about twenty twenty five years ago, that this is not something that's in someone's head. This is a real This has a real impact on different people, and on Missus Dacaccus it really adversely impacted and she had to fight through it. And Governor Dedcaccus was very supportive of his wife and understood early on that this was not just a mood swing. This was something that could
be predicted the with the onset of less daylight. And again, the daylight doesn't change, It just swishes on Sunday. As I'm sure you know, it's not as if we lose it hours of daylight. It just gets rearranged on our schedule, and that is what kicks it off. I believe in a lot of people if I'm wrong here, and I've put out some bad information. Please correct me.
No, you know, you're absolutely right, and you know there's a whole range of severity, and some people do get really sick from this and can be really crippling, So it's important to be aware of that.
Yeah, this is this is something that is there other than sort of like just feeling down or feeling blue. Is there any way that people can on their own figure out Hey, is it the timing of it? Is it? Is it sort of certain certain activities that you no longer want to put How can people sort of self diagnose and realize that maybe they need to talk to someone about this, because I think you have to almost sense that you got an issue before you pick up the phone and get in touch with someone to help
you out on something like this. What are some of the obvious signs that most people would be able to recognize.
Yeah, you know, I think you mentioned a few of the symptoms. I think the biggest thing is when you start to feel like you just aren't like yourself anymore, Like you're you're not wanting to like get out of bed, You're not wanting to do things you used to like to do, like go out with friends or doing activities you kind of lose interest. But the biggest signs of a depressive episode are also going to be objective measures.
So I mean things like changes in your appetite like either eating like way too much or just like not being interested in eating anymore, or you know, sleeping a lot less, like having trouble sleeping or like over sleeping you know into mid afternoon. You know, things like that are going to be a sign that something might be,
you know, seriously wrong. And certainly if it gets really severe in terms of your mood where you're feeling totally hopeless or you're having thoughts about ending your life, like you absolutely need to get help immediately.
Such good advice, Such such good advice. Doctor Michelle de Blassie, Chief of Impatient Psychilgy Psychiatry a Tough Medical Center. Is there any program or books that you'd like to refer people to. I mean, oftentimes people either have written a paper, written a book, or there's a program that people can reach out to. Sometimes it's the information that you're provided
that's most important. I just want to give you an opportunity if there's any way, any any way you want to refer people to to get more information about this.
Yeah, you know, it's a really good you know question. I do think in this situation there is a lot of information, you know, on the internet, just just basic websites can kind of give you sort of the layout of what it could be. So I don't have anything specific.
Well, thank you very much, but your time tonight was really invaluable. And if there are people who in the next few days or even now are beginning to feel this way, I use the word feeling blue, which covers a variety of feelings and conditions, pay attention to it and seek some help. Doctor Michelle de Blasi really enjoyed the conversation with you. Thank you very much for making an understandable even of someone like me. I appreciate it so much.
Absolutely, you have a great night. Thank you you toube.
I enjoy the weekend. When we get back, we're going to talk about a new cookbook filled with recipes from the city's most legendary chefs and restauranteurs, A Taste of Boston co written by Jenny Johnson along with Billy Costa. You know them from Nessen's Dining Playbook. And also they have a show here at WVZ every Saturday Night Food for Thought. We'll be talking with Jenny on the other side of the news break here on Nightside.
Night Side with Dan Ray on WBZ, Boston's News Radio. Now back to Dan ray Line from the Window World Nightside Studios on WBZ News Radio.
Back on Nightside. I'm delighted to welcome a very familiar name and a very familiar voice, very familiar personality. She's an author of Food Personality broadcast, co host of the weekend WBZ show called Food for Thought, and also co host of Nesson's Dining playbook Jenny Johnson. Jenny, welcome to Night's Side. So glad to have you here.
Dan, It's so nice to be with you.
You have written a book called A Taste of Boston, and I think that you and Billy Costa, who is your co author of the book here, are particularly situated, well situated. This is the definitive cookbook of the city we love. Tell us how you come up with the idea, and tell us it's just out. Tell us how people can get it. It sounds like a great book for holiday gift giving and for bringing to people's homes. If you're going to Thanksgiving dinner. This is something people should
should be aware of. Tell us, tell us how it came to be, and tell us what it contains.
You're right, Dan, So, Billy and I have been working together for twenty just this month actually, and in anticipation of that, we wanted something to sort of celebrate twenty years of promoting hospitality in Boston and really New England. And you know, television shows and radio shows that we do, we spend a lot of time on them, and then they air and then they're over, you know, And I think we both had this desire to have something really tangible to hold in our hands, to be able to
promote the industry that we love so much. So we launched a Taste of Boston cookbook. It has sixty of Boston's chefs, It has sixty recipes, and then it has sixty stories. Because you're right, we are kind of uniquely situated in a place where these chefs are not just people that we have admired from afar. These are not just chefs that we have watched build their careers over
these twenty years. But the majority of these chefs are some of our closest friends, and so we have sort of the unique opportunity to tell some of those stories that you certainly might not know, and gives them a little bit more color and tell us a little bit more about who they are as humans.
So I assume the book is readily available, but give us a couple of just ideas of who the chefs are and how complicated the recipes are. For example, I'm going to get out of the vibe. I'm going to go find one of these books and get them myself, because I'm not a good cook, and I'm hoping that some of the recipes are things that I'll be able to follow along working on my shift. I'm always looking too often, am I having a can of soup at
five o'clock at beach? Because you're really you know, you got four hours you kind of have a big meal. But it would be great to be off in a book like that that you can put together pretty quickly. Do you have recipes for the gourmet chefs as well as people like me who have a tough time growing Yeah, hamburger.
I think that's the great part about this book is we broke it up into breakfast, lunch, dinner, and dessert, so very simple. All of the you know, different meals that we enjoy so well. Some of them not gonna lie little bit complicated. You really got to put your your chef's hat on for some of them. Most of them are very approachable. So what's really interesting is you're seeing some of the most well known Boston chefs, everyone from Lydia Shire to Ken Oranger to Michael Schlau, you know,
to Jeremy Seoul. You're seeing Joanne change in here on the sortoon, some of our favorite you know, and very sort of at this point historic because they're so steeped in the culinary world of Boston chef. And then you have some newer names Aaron Miller, Jose d'Arte, Michael Lombardi, but all chefs that have really honed their craft here in Boston, and so they totally range. The other day, Billy and I for a dining playbook our television show,
we made Cottage Cheese Pancakes by Anthony Caterano. He's a chef at Presa and has some other chefs in the city, and it was really fun and very kind of bizarre. You know, you might like cottage cheese, you certainly love pancakes, but you haven't thought of putting those two together. It was very simple and it was very fun.
Something that I firstly considered I personally considered chocolate chip pancakes a health food. Now I don't know if I'm categorizing that correctly, but I could do that one, that's for sure. I actually love sometimes some nice I make pancakes for my dinner at five o'clock at night.
There's nothing wrong with breakfast for dinner, Dan, nothing at all.
I know. I just want to I just want to make sure that I'm not breaking any rules here. But I'm here for the most part by myself during the week, and so it's I can do whatever I want.
Well, well, do you have a sweet tooth?
Oh? Please? I have thirty two sweat?
Yeah, okay, that's good. Well, I want to tell you if there's this one that is so I fight it very unique. There are unique flavors, but it's a pistachio Terry Misdew And there's something about the flavor of the pistachio that took this team sew to a completely different level. This was mother and son actually, so Kathy Sidell and Ben Sidell, and they have restaurants all over This is
from actually Salty Girl. They also own Stephanie's in the Back Bay, but we made that and it was so rich and well, not overly rich, so like perfectly rich and creamy, with this tang that you're just not used to in terraormists do. And then you know Joann Shang, who I mentioned, does kind of the classic Boston quam pie, but does it in her own unique way. And so it's kind of nice to be able to think, how
would I be able to make Joean Shang's recipe. She's so famous with multiple flowers all over the city and beyond, and yet you have that recipe in this book. And I one thing I want to say is one of the greatest things about this is also how you see the overlap between these chefs. Okay, so you think of your chef and you think of that restaurant that you love. What you might not know is that a lot of these chefs are very close friends, and they are all
friends who support one another. They support the nonprofits that they support. They do a lot of philanthropy within our city, a lot of supporting our hospitals or education centers and our nonprofits in the area. And so you are through the story, you're really able to get sort of the richness that is so much of the camaraderie that is this industry.
Well, I know that there's a lot of cities that claim, you know, New Orleans, they talk about the great New Orleans cuisine, and you know Chicago, the great steak places in Chicago, and of course New York City. But I think Boston's right up there. And I think that you and Billy over the years have really made people aware of that twenty years on television. Who there's probably no other city that has some a couple like you guys who have done so much with it for the dining industry,
and so it's only appropriate. So the book is called A Taste of Boston. It's a cookbook filled with recipes from cities most legendary chefs and restaurant toys. You got a forward written by Mark Wahlberg, as I understand that's correct.
We do.
Mark has known Billy for a lot of years, and I at one point was an extra in one of his movies here, and he's just been a big supporter, and we've also been a big supporter of his brother Paul. We were close with his mom and what's nice about be forward? Did you hear Mark talk about how much he loves food? We all love food, and I think this is a nice celebration of both the city that you love and a lot of different culinary flavors from the chefs that you us.
Well, that's that's so great. I'll be looking forward to watch the Dining in Essence Dining playbook. Yeah, even more closely. I always enjoy the personality that both you and Billy have because you make it fun to watch, and you're a great guest, and we'll have you back. And how can people get this? I'm assuming it's available? Thank you?
Yes, so it is available on Amazon. You just go to a Taste of Boston cookbook on Amazon. It's also available on Meet Boston dot com slash Cookbook where you can learn a little bit more about it. And it is as you said on the top, it's a great gift for the hostess event that you're going to this holiday season, and a great gift for anyone who loves food and who loves Boston.
Sounds great. Give me I stepped on your line there. I know Amazon, you know is easy. What was what's the other website you were sending people to.
Yeah, Amazon, of course is probably the easiest. But you also can go to meet Boston dot com slash cookbook, where we give a little bit more color and flavor to everything that's inside the buck.
Okay, and when you say meet to Boston, you mean meet Boston.
That's correct.
All right. I just want to make sure. I want to get anybody lost on the internet. That's but sure. Jenny enjoyed it so much, Please say I had to Billy cost it for me.
He's a I definitely will Dan, thank you so much for having on talk soon.
Absolutely, all right, we come back. We're going to talk about it more. Well. I think it's a serious topic. And that is, believe it or not, beginning Monday night, actually, I guess Sunday night. The beginning Monday night, the evening commute is going to become a little more dangerous because we will lose daylight savings time and it's going to
get darker. About an hour earlier. You're going to be talking with Triple A senior spokesperson, Mark shield Drop, just to kind of make you a weird what's going on? And I think it's going to be an important conversation, right here on night Side WVS Boston ten thirty and your AM dial. You can always get the iHeartRadio app if you haven't any trouble picking us up. And by the way, I had a lovely I hope. A couple in Montreal sent me a lovely text today, not a text,
an email. Suzanne Sizzek up in Montreal. She said that her husband and I listened. My husband and I listened to your excellent show daily from Montreal. Congratulations on hosting a fair, honest and enlightening talk show. No easy feat I'm sure so thank you so much, Susanne. I hope you're listening, and I certainly will answer your email over the weekend. But in the meantime we'll step aside and
we'll be back. We'll step aside for the news at the bottom of the Arron, and we're going to be back with another great guest here Nightside on November first. November first, think about that. November one, twenty twenty.
Four, it's night Side with Dan Ray. Hey, Dan Boston's news Radio. Night Side with Dan Ray. I'm telling you Boston's news Radio.
Big weekend coming up here. This is the first weekend
of November. Today being November first, as have reminded you a couple of times, and one of the big events in the weekend, besides all the football games and things like that and outdoor events as we hang on to some of this really fine fall New England weather, one of the big events of the weekend is going to be that theoretical one hour extra sleep that all of us will get Saturday night Sunday morning when the clocks are rolled back and we leave daylight Savings time and
we move back into Eastern Standard time. That sounds great, but there's a problem, and that is that the evening commute is going to become a little more dangerous as we all of a sudden go from driving in relative daylight to now driving in darkness, particularly in the evening commute.
With us is Mark shield Drop, senior spokesperson for Triple A here in New England, and Mark, I guess there are some statistics that back you up on this, that this can be a little danger added to the to the commute, the evening commute in the next few days of early next week at least.
Welcome back, hey, Dan, and thanks for having me. And you're right, the numbers are pretty interesting really as soon as we set the clocks back, we see a pretty decent increase in the number of crashes in that five pm hour. So that's you know, peak commute time, that's when people are coming home it's suddenly dark. So we saw thirty eight percent increases in crashes in Massachusetts last year alone, and when we look at pedestrian crashes, it's
really troubling. There was one hundred and fifty nine percent increase in pedestrian crashes in the five pm hour when we compare November to October. So basically, you know the time change.
Okay, so is this a function of that all of a sudden we're driving in in the morning and things happened dramatically changed. If anything, that's got a little lighter depending upon what time you commute into work. But when you're coming home you walked into you get in your car and you realize, hey, it's a little different than it was on it last Friday last week, And is that people are not paying attention? Have they not cleaned
their windshields? What can we do to mediate this situation to make it a little safer for everybody drivers and pedestrians.
Yeah, well, you're starting to list off a lot of the factors that come into play, and I think we're in the habit of driving in daylight after the evening commute, all of a sudden, it's dark. We're not used to it.
You know.
The reality is we have way less experience driving at night by the time we get to the same are because it's been light, you know, most of the day. So there's that adjustment period where we kind of realize like, oh, okay, I need to make sure my lights are on. I gotta be a little extra careful, and I'm whipping around that corner because I'm not going to see that pedestrian right away they're trying to cross the street. So there's
definitely that the glare is a factor. People are getting a little blinded, and from the headlights that are coming on your windshield, if it's a little grindy on the inside, all of a sudden, it's a little bit tougher to see. The other factor is, and I'm not a sleep expert, but sleep experts do say that after the time change, even though we think we're getting an extra hour sleep in the morning over the weekend, the reality is circidian rhythms can be affected, and we can find ourselves drowsy.
And we've done some research at Triple A where we ask folks, you know, how drowsy do you feel, and a lot of them say, I don't feel too drowsy. But in these studies that we've done, they're actually moderately to severely drowsy. So people don't realize how tired they
really are. So I think this is the kind of thing that just kind of catches up with you when you're behind the wheel, it's a cool night, you've got the heat on, you're heading home, you've got a long day of work, and your eyelets are a little heavy, and next thing you know, you're not off for a second. So I think that has a lot.
To do with it.
So, without drilling down too deeply in the stats that you've kept, are we talking about an uptick in minor fender benders, which of course is bad, But are we talking about something more serious than that? And you know, fatal crashes again, I hope it's the latter for the former, not the latter.
Yeah, you know, crashes of all types at five pm and many roads in Massachusetts, Look, they're not going to be moving too fast because of the traffic. So that does kind of reduce the number of fatal crashes that we see on the highways. You know, most of the really bad fatal crashes on our roadways happened really in the overnight, in the very early morning hours, in dinner
as the fatalities. But we are worried about pedestrians, especially pedestrians at that five PM because there's a lot of people walking around and that's when people they had that evening routine, you know, they walk the dog before they come back in and cook dinner. You know, so maybe instead of taking that walk at five pm, if you have the ability, if you're home already, maybe move it to like three point thirty, get it a little bit earlier. Change you routine up so you're not out when drivers
are on the road in that newfound darkness. We think that drowsy driving crashes are severely under reported too. So last year, just the entire year in Massachusetts, there's a total of three and twenty two crashes where police checked the box it said drowsiness or a driver falling asleep was the cause of the crash. There were nine fatalities in those crashes. I think those numbers are way higher.
You know, when we wake up in the morning and you see that story of that single car crash at five in the morning, that beard off the roadway and police aren't really sure what happened somebody. You know, it turns out they weren't impaired on alcohol, but you know, that person sadly had passed away, so we can't ask what happened. Those are drowsy driving crashes in many cases, but we just aren't able to actually record it as such because we can't really tell if someone fell asleep.
So this is a big issue overall. And it happened to me. I've started to drift off on the road and thankfully my car beated at me blink keep the cyst kicked on, and that really kind of rattled me awake. But that was a big, stark reminder for me. As somebody goes and you know, tries to practice what he preaches, it can happen to anyone and it comes up on you quickly.
Well, I can let me tell you, I worked for a long time the early morning news and television of the Channel four, about eleven years, and you were up at three o'clock a quarter three in the morning. You might have been coaching, you know, hockey the night the night before at nine o'clock at a rink, and instead of getting six hours sleep, you got four and a half.
And that would be the day. Particularly, I knew, like in the spring, you'd be driving back from stories and it's sunny out and it's you know, all of a sudden, the warm weather has hit sometime in April, and I can remember a couple of days actually realizing, okay, you just you just nodded off and now you're yeah, twelve thirty one o'clock, and boy, if that doesn't if that
doesn't shake up. But these these crashes that you're talking about, which you are eminently predictable, and these accidents, there are people who are listening to us right now who if everybody just was a little more careful, particularly the first week or so, once you get back, and it's like, you know, it reminds me of Mark when there's a first snowstorm and it's like one inch of snow or two inches of snow. The whole city gets tied up
because nobody remembers how to drive in the snow. A couple of months later, we'll have a ten inch snowstorm, No problem. Everybody's doing perfectly. So just next week, people be a little careful and beer in mind what Mark had to say. A lot of very sobering statistics that you're brought up for us tonight, Mark, and hopefully they'll be some people out there who will take it to
heart and just be a little more careful. Look, take another look before you pull out of the because the other person might be not paying attention, either when you pull out of a parking space or you pull out of a parking garage. Make sure there's not some little kid floating around on a bike, because you know it's all of us have done, have been driving and at some moment, oh my god, I wish I had seen
that earlier. So just to realize that next week is going to be a little bit of a danger area, get that extra hour of sleep, Enjoy the extra hour of sleep, whether it helps you or not. But next week, be especially careful. Mark. As always, thank you so much for joining us much.
Dan, appreciate you getting the traffic safety message out for Yeah, he's.
So borant, because guess what it could be me walking across the street and someone Yeah I could This is This is self protection for all of us. So thank you for joining us, particularly on a Friday night. Hope you had a good Halloween. Don't need too much. Yeah, okay, thanks man. All right, when we get back on the other side, we're going to talk. Look, politics is we're in the midst of the political season here, hopefully it'll be over by Tuesday night, Wednesday morning and all of that.
But we're going to talk with a relationship expert who will answer the question is politics a dating deal breaker? I suspect that politics has never been a greater dating deal breaker than it's been in the last couple of years. We'll talk with Laurel Houston right after the break here on Nightside.
Now back to Dan Ray live from the Window World Nightside Studios on WBZ News Radio.
All right, welcome back everybody, and we are we're going to mix dating with politics. Could be a bad mix with us. It's Laurel Houston. She's a relationship expert, and the question is is politics a dating deal breaker? When I was dating back in the day, when I was a single guy, politics were really not a factor. But my sense is they're becoming a much more important factor. Laurel Houston, Welcome to Nightside. How are you good?
Thank you for having me on the show.
Well, thanks so much for joining us. So my question is, look, we all know that the temperature, the political temperature, has risen. We're a badly divided nation right now. A lot of people on both sides of the equation, are of the spectrum, are not tolerant of people who have different viewpoints? And has it impacted dating relationships? I'm sure it has tell us how.
Oh very much so. And I think one of my favorite things to tell people right at the beginning, whether it is your dating partner, your parent, whoever it is, when I start this conversation about politics, religion, money, whatever it is, will this conversation help build the relationship or will this conversation build resentment? Because if you start the conversation with that in mind, that tells you more than you need to know than what the conversation is actually about.
Am I trying to build connection? Am I trying to find common ground? Or am I trying to persuade and manipulate? And course, because when we are in relationships and it is not about building relationships, that's when it just builds resentment and more often than not. That happens a lot when politics come into it, because we're trying to build connections.
Ideally, you would like to think that people would fall in love because they like each other's values and they have common interests and all of that, and then yeah, if there's some differences in politics, so be it. But politics has become such a hot button issue. I'll play devil's advocate for a second. Isn't it better just to get it out of the way and say, Okay, you know, I'm this, You're that it's never going to work. Really
nice to meet you and move on. Or is it better to to build that relationship and hope that when all of a sudden there is a presidential election and you find out that your new best friend, you're someone who might become your life partner, is just diametrically opposed to virtually everything you believe in. It's kind of a Hobson's choice, isn't it. Oh?
Absolutely, And that's why having these conversations are actually very important. But far too often we steer away from these conversations because what we're actually asking when we have these conversations is whether we agree or disagree. Do you still want to be in my life? Do we still want to have a relationship once the conversation is over? And so I think these conversations are far more important than we think. They only come up once every four years, but these
should be common in ongoing conversations. We need to know where you see on, what your values are, and are we in alignment with it together?
Okay, So let me ask you this. You study this. I don't, although I study it five nights a week here because I'm doing a show that has a lot of politics in it, and I get people on each extreme who are tough to deal with because they're so committed to this set of beliefs and their core values that they don't even want to have They just want to make a speech on my show. And I tell people, let's have a conversation, okay, whether you agree with disagree.
So here's my question. I don't think again, back in the seventies and eighties, even though there were you know, divisive political issues and divisive political figures, I don't think that the political differences had so interacted with your personal relationships. I mean, it was almost it was put to the side.
What percentage of people do you think at this point on either side of the political spectrum just are so, you know, intent with their beliefs that they could not have a normal personal relationship with someone from the other side of the political spectrum. Is there been any studies done on this that you know, twenty percent of the people have saying, look, I want nothing to do with anyone who would disagree with me politically.
So that's actually interesting. You're actually pretty close as twenty four percent. They have them studies on them, and it's more than just most of people don't cite that it's a political point of view. They say what you said earlier, it's a value based point of view, and so it's not necessarily whether they are right wing, left ring, republic democrat, whatever.
It's more of identified this as one of my core values, and so if you can't accept this political value, they actually take it as a because you won't accept this political value, you're also rejecting part of my core value and personality. So one of the things that they're finding now is that people are taking opinions far more personalized. Instead of it being a statement, you have a lot of people who take it as a criticism instead of a comment. And they take it very that they internalize it,
and so it is a big thing. And that's why with these conversations, they're important conversations that even if and no one likes to hear me say this, but even if the conversation makes you go, this isn't going to work out for the best, that's really important information to have. And sometimes these conversations just lead you to another conversation that helps you find common ground that you didn't know
you needed to find. So they're very valuable conversations to have as long as they're done respectfully.
When I think of values, I think if if if a couple meets and they talk about values, I think it's for me. Values mean, you know, what's your relationship with your family, if you if you still have family, how important is it for you to be able to you know, be in touch with your siblings, with your you know, your parents, if you're lucky enough that they're still alive. Because some people might say, look, I've really had a bad situation, and I mean there's values there.
How much how much do I want to do to help other people? And uh, how how many times a year do I want to travel? How much am I somebody who wants to save some money, or am I somebody who just wants to go paid? You know, those are sort of the economic values and the social values. But when you get into the political values, I just see that as a huge minefield and one step and the whole thing blows up. I don't know.
So, and that's very much it can be. Those conversations very much can be if you have These are the things that I've noticed when they become explosive, is the person you're having a conversation with someone who sees manipulation and coercion as part of a regular relationship. So that's kind of a I'm not even having this conversation with you because it's not a conversation. It's a manipulation, and
I'm trying to get you on their side. I will say this though, a lot of people when they bring these up, it's because they really deep down or asking will we connect deeper through this or is this something that's going to break us? A part A simple My husband and I love to travel. He travels one way, I travel another way. So we find the common ground. We love to travel. We're going to go places we
want to go together. When you bring politics in it, and you bring up economics into it, and you bring all of the very divisive parts that make up the different political parties, that's when, all of a sudden, it's not about traveling, it's not about politics, It's about can we still find common ground together?
You know, Laura, La, I wish I had more time. We're coming up on our nine o'clock news. Maybe love to have you back and take some phone calls from people as well, if that's possible, maybe after the election. Is there a book that you could refer people to. Have you written a book on this at all? Or you have a biology I have not.
I have not written a book that's published yet. It is with my editor right now actually. But a great place to find me. I'm on YouTube and all of our social is a great place to find where I talk more intently on relationships, how to navigate them communication.
Great. Okay, so it's Laurel like Laurel Wreath l A U R E L Houston like the city of Houston. But no, oh so it's h U S T O N like the like the great movie producer John Houston. Right, yeah, yeah, great, thanks Laurel. I'm gonna have my my folks reach back and maybe get you to come in. We'll do an hour and we'll take some phone calls from people. I think, I think would have a great time. I think it would be a fun hour. Okay, thanks so much for
joining us. Okay, Happy election, Happy Election Day. Thanks Laurel.