It's nice eyes, Dan Ray, I'm going easy Boston's News Radio.
Yes, indeed, it is I Dan Ray sitting in tonight right here, two nights before the fourth of July. I will be off tomorrow night and on Friday night Morgan White, as I understand, am I correct on that Rob Morgan White will be sitting in for me tomorrow night and on Friday night. I really do appreciate Morgan doing that so I could get a couple of nights off one of my favorite holidays of the year, the fourth of July, also the birthday three years ago of our grandson Benjamin.
So we're very pleased to be able to spend some family time this weekend in conjunction, of course, not only with the Fourth of July, but Benjamin's birthday. He's going to assume that this tremendous firework displays we will, of course, will tell him is to celebrate his birthday, and maybe at some point when he's seven or eight he'll figure out the ruse. But he's going to think he's really a special guy. And so that's that's my story and
I'm sticking to it. So here tonight, this is really we're a little bit past the halfway point of the county year, and I think that tonight this is the one hundred and twenty first edition of Nightside with Me behind the microphone, and I will be here beginning on Monday, January January Monday, July fourteenth, So looking forward to a few days off here at the first couple of weeks of July, and then back at it on the fourteenth.
And by the way, we have scheduled a very special guest on July sixteenth, former United States Ambassador to Denmark, Allan Leventhal. He was appointed by President Biden and he is a really significant person in the city of Boston with the Democratic Party. And looking forward to spending some time with Alan Leventhal and talked to him about perhaps
how the Democratic Party. Democratic Party does very well in Massachusetts, but they got some troubles to nationally that we'll talk with Alan Leventhal about that as well as his time as US Ambassador to Denmark. Okay, we have four interesting guests. And our first guest this hour. We always have interesting guests. We're going to talk about injuries, burn injuries, and firework
accidents as an impact his kids. We're going to talk with Quincy Mayor Tom Coke about Quincy's inaugural Quincy four hundred Maritime Festival, and also talk about a concept of post traumatic parenting, parenting differently perhaps than the way in which you were parented. And we'll be speaking with doctor Robin Koslovitch. I hope I've pronounced that name correctly. But first off is John bo and John is a speech
and presentation expert. He is going to share with us seven phrases is that make you sound passive aggressive to other people? So if you if you use any of these seven phrases, you sound passive aggressive to other people. Welcome to Night Side, John, How are you.
I'm all right, Dan, Thanks for having me on your program. You're very welcome to try to talk about these things.
Yeah. I checked out these phrases. I tend not to use them, but I think sometimes with some folks who don't get it, a little passive aggression is not necessarily a bad technique to employ. I guess you probably disagree with that, But let's talk about.
Or do you by the way, Well, look I'm from Minnesota, right and oh Minnesota.
Nice? Okay, you need the argument right there.
And it doesn't have to be these phrases. We could just put it into a simple huh and it's all passive aggression all the time.
Yeah. No, Well, if.
It's sure right, the world goes around with because what am I trying to say?
You?
If everybody said what they were feeling all the time, I think we'd have a big problem. So a little bit of passives sure.
Yeah, so sometimes I think that works. So let's let's talk about some of these phrases, because I love guests who provide us with concrete examples, and you have seven of them. So let's uh, let's start off with the first one, no offense, but okay, uh, tell us a better way to say that?
Well, no offense, but it's almost always a prior to something that's going to be offensive.
Right, there's always a problem, go ahead.
Right, So a much better way to do it would be said, look, I need to tell you something that you might not like, or I have something I have to talk to you about. Is this a good time? So I don't know if that's it's not a perfect example of passive aggression so much as let's jump to the next one and then maybe we'll come back to this, because it's not perfect passive aggression.
But okay, well okay, So here's another one. This says, if you use it as a snide kiss off, nobody likes snide kiss offs. This conversation conveys disagreement or dissatisfaction with an outcome of decision without directly addressing it, much less trying to be constructive. Whatever you think is best, John.
So that's like if some people make a decision and you don't agree with their decision, you say whatever you think is best, Dan. Yeah, so that's just naughty, right, It's not constructive, and it's saying I don't agree, but I'm not gonna be nice about it. I'm gonna be.
Well what about maybe, okay, what about people who make decisions and aren't willing to consider your point of view? So hypothetically, police officer comes up to you and says, hey, you know all this goes through the whole thing, and finally, such, here's your speeding ticket. You know that you got a ticket, it's been written, it's in the book.
Well take it like a man or something. I don't know, I think saying to the officer as he turns to walk away, and say, whatever you think is best. It just sounds okay, why not just shut up? Sometimes I mean the word oh yeah, you already lost.
Yeah. Well, I always tell my friends with police, be nice, keep your two hands on the steering wheel. And if they say license and registration and it's in the glove compartment, always inquire officer, my license and registration happened to be in the glove compartment. Would you mind if I reached over open to my glove compartment and extracted my license and registration so they don't think you're pulling on a gun or something. Number three, Yes, this is a good one.
This one is also really whiny and babyish. Must be that. So let's say you say you're gonna go on some great vacation. I say, oh, Dan must be nice.
Yeah, I agree with you this one. Yeah. I mean, it'd be much better to be positive and say, hey, that's great, I wish I was going with you or something like that.
Yeah, it's you know, it's pretty self pitying. It's pretty jealous, and it's like this pseudo compliment, and it also kind of conveys that you don't really deserve that nice vacation, at least I don't think so. He's one generous and just said, that's great. Dan, You've been working really hard. You said you've been doing you know, one hundred and twenty episodes of this show. Yeah, sounds like you need a break.
Well I need a break, there's no doubt about that. But I always need a break. So his one four, I'm fine. Oh So.
That's one of those things where you could say it and mean it and it would be a totally neutral, normal, okay thing to say, or it could be totally passive aggress and be like, I'm fine.
Yeah, I love I love your intonations. You're a good communicator. Number five, Wow, I could never do that.
Yeah. So that's let's say you're I don't know, what's something that you would be doing, Uh, you're going to go on some weird vacation, a chess vacation where it's like all chests all the time, or some language intensive where I say, it's not my idea of a vacation at all. So I said, wow, I could never do that.
Yeah, yeah, no, I guess. And then here's when we got to want I want to hit and I think these are interesting ones. This isn't almost an apology. I didn't mean it that way. You're backtracking, But I guess that's the way.
You say someone says that sincerely. Okay, great if it's like, oh I didn't mean it that way, yeah okay, and yeah.
Here's here's number seven. As far as I'm concerned, we could just take one of these words. The passive aggressive comment that we have is do whatever you want. But so many young people, you will say whatever, and it's all there. When they say whatever.
You know, it is really really whatever. It's kind of like whatever you think is best.
Yeah, well, it's like it's been a while. But when your teenager is pleading for the car and you just you know, the road conditions are a little bad, or it's snowing out, and you say, why don't you stay in tonight? I don't think it's a good night to be out driving. That's when they say whatever and stomp to their room. I get it, John, Look, you must have a book out on this. I assume where could people get more information on what we've just talked about.
Well, there's this website called Amazon. I don't know if everyone's heard about it yet, but they sell books there. So I wrote a book about.
That was a little passive aggressive right there. That was very effective. Go right ahead?
That was, wasn't it. I still have it in me. I mean I write about I like telling other people what to do, but I'm still pretty prone to do this stuff myself.
Oh. Now, see now as the host, hold on John. As the host, I'm being a nice guy saying, hey, you got to have something, because there's no reason for you to come my show unless you perhaps have some sort of a merchandise that you'd like people to make. Get a hold of it, and also help them so they could go to Amazon anywhere. What's the name of the book that they would be searching for.
The book is called I Have something to Say, Mastering the Art of public speaking in an age of disconnection. And it's really about, you know, learning how to become intentional about speech and do presentations at work or get ready for meetings or job interviews. It's about me joining toastmasters and discovering how they work, but also discovering how
the ancient Greeks and Romans taught this stuff. But the main thing is it used to be a thing people learned speech for years in school, and now we don't teach it anymore. And everybody has a hard time speaking, and they get into trouble, they get tongue tied, they have speech anxiety. And it's not because we're all mentally ill or we're all shy. It's because we don't learn it anymore. So this stuff that we're talking about tonight,
passive aggression is just a tip of the iceberg. There's a whole bunch more that you can learn, you know, for work stuff and for your personal life.
I tell friends of mine, I've worked in the media. John, you have no idea what my background is, but I was a TV reporter for CBS here in Boston for thirty one years. I'm now while you're eighteen of this talk show, so I'm thinking about making a career it. Well. I remember when I took a speech course, which was a requirement back in the day. I believe it was as a freshman in college. I remember the teacher's name was miss ives Ivy E. S. And we all had to at one point get up in front of the
class and talk about something. And I can remember actually being terrified, and I thought to myself, Oh, this public speaking thing, this will never this is never going to work for me. Somehow, I got over that fear, and it's worked for a while, so I was afraid. And if you follow John's book, I think that you'll become a better public speaker as well. John, I appreciate. Happy Fourth of July to you and yours. Okay, we'll celebrate.
The freedom of country, break a great holiday, and wish your son happy birthday.
Not my son, my grandson, my grandson.
Your grandson, my grandson.
That's al.
I like that idea that the fireworks are just for him.
Oh, I will convince him of that. Believe me, that's easy. I've committed some ruses. I'll admit to that. John, I appreciate it very much. I enjoyed our conversation. Thanks so much. I'm here all right. When we get back, we're going to talk about the more serious side of fireworks, and
that is injuries and burns. And again I will remind you if you haven't already taken down our WBZ app, the new and improved iHeart app, and make WBZ just go to your local app store, put it on your your laptop, put it on your desktop, put it on your tablet, put it on your phone, put it anywhere. Make us your first choice. Your first default, and you'll
be able to find us anywhere in the world. And of course also you'll find this nice red button with a microphone on it, and you can send us a message anytime of the day, whether we're on the ear or not, and make it thirty seconds or within thirty seconds, and we may play it for you the next night or maybe a couple of nights later. My name is Dan Ray. This is nights. I would come on right back right after this.
You're on Night Side with Dan Ray on WBZ, Boston's news radio.
Well, it is the fourth July weekend. There'll be lots of fireworks. I saw on the news tonight on I believe it was Channel five. I was watching there was a fireworks program supposed to be going on down in one of the golf courses in the Cape, and there was a big accident following that news story. I'm sure.
With us, as doctor Michael Flaherty, pediatric critical care physician at mass General Hospital, I'm going to talk about the burn injuries and the firework accidents and water related emergencies, all of which are preventable with a few simple safety steps. Doctor Flaherty, Welcome to Nightside. I know all of us have heard this admonition before, but it can never be repeated too often, particularly at this time of year, in my opinion, Welcome to Nightside.
I Dan, thanks so much for having me.
So what should people keep in mind? I mean, obviously, people have a couple of beers, maybe glass of wine, and the judgments get a little slow. But and you can't stop that, but we have I emphasize it than the serious type of injuries that you've seen over the years in your practice.
Yeah, you know, I think the Fourth of July is a great time. There are celebrations, and you're exactly right. People lose their judgment. You know, we see probably some of the most number of injuries in the weeks leading up to the Fourth of July and the weeks after, and a lot of it relates to fireworks. It relates to cooking on the grill and leaving it unattended, It relates to sparklers, and you mentioned water as well. And
I always encourage people. You know, fireworks are technically illegal in Massachusetts, though they're legal in some of the surrounding states. People will get them, and if you have them, you just have to be really careful. Most of these injuries are misuse, or it's the firework that you set off and it didn't quite ignite and someone goes and tries to see what's wrong and unfortunately gets burned or even a blast injury, and the numbers are increasing for whatever reason.
There's nearly a forty percent increase in the depths from fireworks and almost a fifty two percent increase nationwide in injuries compared to last year. So despite all of our messaging, people still need to be so careful.
And a lot of people think, like the sparklers and stuff like that, that they don't burn, but they actually can burn.
They can. You know, we use them when I was a kid that we did lots of things we probably shouldn't have and didn't realize that these sparklers can actually get to two thousand degrees fahrenheit. So imagine a two thousand degrees fahrenheit spark landing on the toe of a child, and it can really do some serious damage and cause nearly full sickness, burns, especially in the toes, the hands. Really, they should be left for the adults the kids can watch from afar.
I remember making a mistake when I was about eleven or twelve picking up what I thought was adut firework in my hand, and it exploded in my hand a whole I said some words that my aunts and uncles had never heard before, and I remember that to this day. I am very, very apprehensive when I'm around any of those explosive devices, except while you're watching a professional fireworks display from a quarter of a mile away.
I mean, that's the way much safer. Yes, that is the way you do.
Leave it to the professionals.
Well, absolutely, and with all due respect to you, doctor Flaherty and your colleagues. You are the people that most of us don't want to see this weekend. You know, I mean under the circumstances that we would that we would see you in an er, And I mean I mean that in the best sense of the word. If you get my drift.
No, I get it. You know, I'm a pediatrician, but I'm a critical care pediatrician, and I always tell folks I'm the pediatrician no one ever wants to see. And if I'm out of a job, I'd be grateful.
No, no, no, we need pediatrician, Well, we certainly need pediatricians. We had some great pediatricians for our kids. We're very, very happy with them. And you guys, do all of you, men and women, doctors, in nurses. You're overworked, underpaid, and maybe in some cases underappreciated. People do not know the amount of work that it takes to become a physician
or a nurse. They don't appreciate it the sacrifice. And I just want to say that because I know that there are a lot of people think that doctors are millionaires. That's not true, not true.
Yeah, no, I appreciate that, and thank you. It's a team effort. And you know, people in healthcare, especially around the holidays, all of us physicians, nurses, are respiratory therapists, social workers are just working so hard and it really takes a group effort and collaboration. And I'm grateful for those words, so thank you.
Well. I mean them from the bottom of my heart. I really do. And I think that medical professionals in this country are undervalued and underappreciated. We overvalue professional athletes and and you know, rock stars and all of that, but we underveil the people who are really important to our lives. And I just want to say thanks. That's
all that you want. Your profession and the related professions are one of the things that I'm thankful for to live in the United States of America, where I believe the healthcare is the best in the world. So thank you very much, doctor Fardy.
Thank you Dan. That means a lot.
Well, we will talk again and hope to meet you someday outside of an emergency room. Thanks, happy forth to you.
You have a great night, of course, take care happy for we.
Are hit the eight thirty or hit the turn at the bottom of the hour. It's the eight thirty news coming up, by the way, and didn't mention the boat. We have double team back in the control room tonight. Rob and Sean are back there taking care of business. And when we get back on and talk with Shane, I'm sorry, Shane. My mistake. My mistake, Shane, my mistake. Okay, well, thank you for the for the correction. That's that is
that is unacceptable. We are going to be speaking with the Mayor of Quincy, Mayor Thomas Coke about the Quincy four hundred Maritime Festival Friday July fourth through Sunday the sixth at Quincy's Marina Bay Boardwalk. It is a three day free Waterfront Celebration. We'll talk with Mayor Coke right after the break.
It's Nightside with.
Boston's News Radio Roy sticks of dynamite out your window. Yikes, that's not a good way to celebrate the fourth. But I'll tell you a good way to celebrate the fourth is to spend some time at Quincy's Marina Bay Boardwalk three day free waterfound Waterfront Celebration. With us is the Mayor of Quincy, Massachusetts, the Honorable Thomas Coke. Mayor Coke, Welcome back to night Side.
Good evening, Dan, good to be with you.
Absolutely. So this is Quinsy's four hundredth birthday. I know you had the big parade a couple of weeks ago, and so now you have the inaugura meaning first Quinsy four hundred Maritime Festival. What's involved in this? I mean, I think it is kind of self descriptive. But give us some idea about what people will will see. We'll enjoy.
Sure, a Marina Bay is part of Quantum Point. It's a beautiful location, one of the biggest Marinians by the way, in the Northeast, and got a gorgeous boardwalk. Wonderful restaurants and businesses there. It's also historic site. It was originally shipbuilding destroys for World War One and World War II was a naval air station where a lot of British pilots along with the American pilots were trained for battles in the skies over Europe. So it has great history there.
So there's a beautiful Navy memorial there as well. But you know, we got a big weekend plan for families. Not everyone gets to go down the cape or headed somewhere else, So this is a great event for families that will include all kinds of things. It will have bands and music and face painting and sancastle building. In the evening, the boats will light up in the marine.
Are just good stuff. Good do Old Americana. A couple of days free admission, so hopefully people come down and relax and enjoy it.
How's the access, how's the parking? I'm familiar with Marina Bay. Any any tips you want to give people as to how to get in there or what to bring with them to make themselves comfortable.
Yeah?
Sure, we have a Greta bay is right next to it. A bus the DC parking lot which is the parking lot that was built Ferry the work as the Fier Island when the surage plant was built. So there's a enormous parking lot there, buddy hundred cars, so there's plenty of parking and commended Marina Bay that through Victory Road to Command to Sha Bulevard, plenty of parking. Walk along the boardwalk and it's right there. The weather looks good.
There's plenty of restrooms that'll be available. There's restaurants for food and drink, and certainly people can bring water to stay hydrated. But a lot of cool stuff planned. We're going to kick it off with a actually a cake cutting ceremony three o'clock by the Vietnam Clock Tower Vietnam Memorial, so on Friday, and then I give you a say, it goes right through the weekend. So good stuff, really good stuff.
So who came up with this idea? I mean, obviously this is an important year for Quincy. Four hundred. The anniversary makes you older than the city of Boston, right, I mean Boston has.
Well we're four hundred.
There's a settlement. So sixteen twenty five it was Mount Wallaceton. We Pott of Quinsey was a little part of Dorchester, part was part of Braintreet, but eventually became the town of Quinsy, and then in eighteen eighty eight became the city of Quincy. So we're actually celebrating four hundred years. It's a settlement and there's a lot of day to cover, I mean with the land of Adams and Hancock, without
which perhaps it wouldn't have been a revolution. So in a long history since then home of Duncan Donuts and home of Howard Johnson's and home of one of the most productive ship yards in America during World War two, granted industry, it was remarkable here. So it's uh, it's
got steep, steep heritage history in the city. And Julie Pagano, who now has the Chamber of Commerce, suggested we come up with a program like this to fit in with all of the other activities during the course of the s We thought it made some good sense and.
So here we go.
And also Quincy was represented by one of my favorite Democrats, Bill Della Hunt for many years and he certainly left a mark. And I know you were very close with Bill, and Bill was close with you as well, and both of you are I think really common sense democrats who are out there doing the work that you got, that
you've got to do to help people. Uh, not necessarily issuing, you know, broad pronouncements to change the world, but doing the hard work that politicians are supposed to to do on behalf of their constituents.
Bill was a special guy, and Bill was voted in Congress as one of the most popular on both sides of the aisle. He knew how to work with people to get things done. And we could use more Bill Dellahans today in DC.
Yeah, it would it would be nice. It certainly would be nice. I remember I used to and if if you had been mayor back then, I used to spend opening day off in Way Park with Tom Andino at five o'clock, five thirty six o'clock in the morning. We would be doing live shots playing catch the day of the Red Sox opener, and I invited a lot of people.
Governors Sulucci and Ronniey was there one time. So I invited Della Hunt, and Della Hunt said to me, he says, well, you know, he says, I don't know if you know it or not, but you know, I'm left handed and I said, Bill, I don't care about your politics. He says, no, I need a left hand, admit, I said, I could take care of it. Yeah, just a lot of fun. So what is in it for your future? You've been mayor there now, Tom Coke for almost twenty years? Were more than twenty years?
No aps? Almost twenty them.
Yeah, I'm in the middle of a term and I'm just getting the hang of it.
Dan Well, I feel the same way, Mayor. The reason I asked that question was I actually knew the answer to it. I've been doing night Side. We're going to start year eighteen on October first, and so maybe I should bring you on that night as a special guest and we can. That'd be fun celebrate. You know you obviously what year were you would have first been elected mayor in what year?
Six o seven?
Oh? So you got okay? So the mayor all election is sort of on an odd year. Well, I started Nightside on October first, two thousand and seven, So I'm a couple of weeks a few weeks ahead, are you, mayor? But you're you're the longest serving big city mayor in Boston in Massachusetts as far as I'm concerned, and one of the best. So you hang in there and let's do something in October we can celebrate four hundredth for Quinsy and coming up on the start of your eighteenth
and started my eighteenth. I really enjoyed talking with you. Say to say hi to our our mutual friend George Reagan as well.
Okay, well do thanks for the time, and have a great fought Dan.
YouTube Mayor, and congratulations to everyone in Quincy. It's a it is a. It's a great city. It's a great place. Uh and it's had its rough times, but you've you've stuck with it and and you've led that city now for almost two decades and done a remarkable job. Appreciate appreciate you taking the time tonight when we get back. You know what, I say enough critical things, by the way, folks about politicians. When there's a politician I think is doing a good job, I just tell you what I
really believe. It's as simple as that. We're going to talk about a concept called post traumatic parenting. I'm still trying to figure this one out. We're going to talk with doctor Robin Koslovich. I think I pronounced her name correctly. Parenting differently than you were parented. Giving parents clear, actionable strategies to build joyful, connected, and healthy relationships with their children. Turning your own survival instincts into a parenting superpower sounds interesting.
And we will talk with doctor Koslovich, PhD, doctor about post traumatic parenting. She's written a book as a matter of fact, back on Nightside with what I think would be a very interesting conversation. Actually, we've had three good guests so far tonight, and we'll run the table with doctor Koslovitch right after this break.
It's night Side with Boston's News Radio.
All right, fourth and final guest in this edition of the Nightside News Update with us as doctor Robin Koslowitch. Have I gotten close to the correct pronunciation, doctor Robin.
It's doctor kost Folowitz. But you can call me doctor k It's a lot easier.
That's okay, Costlowitz, Costlowitz, Okay, thank you ll call you doctor k or doctor Robin. Post traumatic parenting? What is post traumatic parenting? Let's start off with the basics. Go right ahead.
So if you're parenting and you've had a recent trauma in your life that left you depleted or you kind of know what you don't want to do in your parenting everything that happened in your childhood, but you don't know what you want to do. That's what this.
Book is for.
Okay. So if you recognize that you have and inadequacy as a parent, either from something that has happened recently or in your past, what percentage of people actually can recognize that deficiency?
I think pretty much everybody, Because when you're parenting and you find yourself doing something that you really don't want to do. Right, you wake up in the morning, you say, today, I'm going to stay calm no matter what my kids do, and then you find yourself yelling today, I'm going to stay present, and when my teenager is talking to me, I'm not going to space out. I'm going to listen.
And then you find yourself on your phone or you know, today, if my you know, my middle schooler is begging for something, I'm going to whole firm and I am only going to buy them the things that I believe in buying them. And next thing you know, you're downloading that extremely gory movie that you promised you wouldn't let them watch. There's probably some experience in your life that taught you to be that way, and I call that experience trauma.
Okay, so now I know that there's a book, and we're going to mention the book obviously, but before we get to mentioning what people can can read, I got to ask you a couple of questions. What percentage of parents and I'm talking about I want to talk about parents, active parents, parents who have kids. I'd say, under the age of eighteen. What percentage of parents aren't carrying some form of trauma with them? In your opinion?
Well, aren't carrying some form of trauma? I think one in eight parents are experience. You are you know, saying that they're carrying some form of trauma. I kind of think since COVID, we're all post traumatic parents because the world kind of exploded and it never really restored itself, and there are a lot of people who are still dealing with the economic you know, stretchers that happened during COVID,
or the changes in family structure or health concerns. But in terms of people who say that they're parenting through trauma, it's about one in eight.
Do you think that's accurate? It would seem to me that that's an understatement.
Or it can be. I think some people, you know, trauma sounds like you're damaged, right, and some people do not want to, you know, admit that they're damaged. I was recently talking to a CEO who was talking about
some really upsetting experiences in their childhood. Their parents were very harsh and critical and really pushed them, and you know, I when I spoke about post traumatic parenting, the CEO said, well, I don't consider myself traumatized because I grew from it and I'm very functional and I do really well in life. But like functional, but carrying damage. That's what trauma is. So not identifying yourself as traumatized and saying you grew
from it, that's great. Post traumatic growth is a wonderful thing. But at the same token, you know, those experiences of being so harshly parented and criticized and shamed and blamed, I think most people would recognize those experiences as traumatic.
Okay, so what will parents learn in your book? I assume it's a book that literally would benefit everyone. People who believe they dealt with some trauma and maybe you know, succeeded in ridding themselves of the trauma. And maybe some people who think they're still impacted by that trauma, and maybe some people who are in denial, and what will they learn, how will they learn to recognize it and then deal with it.
So part one of the book is all about trauma and what it does to our brain and how it rewires our neurology to change the way we interact with people, and of course, our kids are the people that we need to raise and interact with. The second part of the book talks about some defaults, certain types of post traumatic parents that most people tend to fall into. And the last part of the book is the how to
parent part. And in the book, I share my own story about having PTSD and thinking I was the only parent who needed to figure out how to handle flashbacks and panic attacks and how to explain them to toddlers or how to deal with them when I was pregnant, you know, the idea that like, it's so painful for me to be inside my body, what is it like for a developing fetus?
Right?
And then after that, how do you explain a panic attack to a four year old? You know, how do you handle it when you know you're eleven year old is triggering you? So so I do share a lot of my story and also the research around how parenting actually is an opportunity time to heal from our trauma.
Wow, how did you get involved in this aspect when I've found in my experience that when a professional psychologist, and I believe you're a psychologist, yes, right, that oftentimes you're drawn to an area you're a child psychologist, that you've drawn to an area that maybe you felt you had been adversely impacted by. I'm asking that question as kindly and as gently as I can, but I.
Think I appreciate the sensitivity. Yeah, all researches me search, right, we go into the fields that we are drawn to. I had PTSD as a kid in the years well prior to when people were talking about trauma, because before nine to eleven, trauma wasn't really in the cultural lexicon. But I had a very traumatic story in terms of how my father died I failed in attempt to save his life with CPR. When I was sixteen, I developed PTSD with flashbacks, but I had no idea that that
was even a thing. I thought I was, you know, schizophrenic mentally ill. I thought I was, you know, going to end up you know, in an institution, and I tried to hide it for a very long time. And it wasn't until college, when I was taking an abnormal psych class that I and my professor was talking about PTSD in Vietnam veterans that I realized that that's what I have and that there's a cure for it. And then of course I became a mom, and I just felt so overwhelmed by the thought of how am I
going to do this with my PTSD. I have so many panic attacks, and like I said, initially it was just what's this going to do to my pregnancy? So by then I was a graduate student and I was looking in the stack. I was a graduate student at m YU, and I was looking at the stacks at Bok's library, and there was no research, like, not a single researcher had ever studied this. So it was a matter of me figuring that out for myself. And then
of course nine eleven happened. Then suddenly trauma hit the lexicon, and suddenly there was a lot more research, but not on this topic. How do you parent in the context of trauma? And when you you know, because our brain is very much set up to parent exactly the way
we were parented. It's a copy paste system. The attachment system is just sort of like do what mom did, which is great if what mom did was great, but not so great if what mom did is do one thing you don't want to do, or like in my situation where my father was so sick that that was sort of the organizing principle of my home. How do you parent healthy kids? That's too healthy young parents? Like what do normal parents do? So I had to figure
all of that stuff out on my own. How to heal from my trauma and then how to parent, how to be a parent, and how to parent sounds great.
Again, Let's have the name of the book, and obviously I assume it's available through Amazon. Is it just outer? Has it been out for a while? It was?
Yesterday was the release date, so that was the book birthday. It's post traumatic parenting, break the cycle and become the parent you always want it to be. And you can get it on Amazon, Barnes and Noble, your local independent bookstore, really wherever you get books.
Doctor Robi Kaslovich, again I'm not sure if I get that correctly, but well, doctor Robin, doctor k A child psychologist who has turned a bad experience in her life perhaps into a learning experience for a lot of other people. Thanks for your courage, and thanks for doing this book, and thanks for doing this interview. I appreciate it very much, doctor Kay.
Thank you so much for giving me the opportunity to talk about it. It's a real passion of mine.
Obviously, and you know what. I sense that. That's why I asked the questions. I knew nothing about your involvement prior to it. I wish I had the opportunity to read the books of all my guests before I interview them, but I don't have that chance, simply because I do a lot of people at night. But I think, of course I sensed it, and you rose to the occasion. I thank you for that. Appreciate it very much.
Really appreciate the interview and the questions.
Happy fourth of July. You have a lot to sell.
Them you too, have a great summer, you too.
All right, we'll be back and we are going to talk about the conviction today of Sean Diddy Combs, not something that we have normally talked about here on Nightside, but we will have a criminal defense attorney join us. With the conversation. He beat the more significant indictment, but he's still I think going to do some time in Sture. He's been in Sturr since last September. We'll be back on nightside right after the nine o'clock news