Weird being way media Nike. Mister Walters.
Can see that guy with it now, he's an actor. I'm a driver and the only camp driver in his place. Good evening and welcome tonight, mister Walters a taxi podcast. I'm HP your co host and with me as always as my co host, Father Malone, Father him alone. How are you this evening.
I'm feeling precocious.
We're going to talk Taxi Season two, episode sixteen, Tony and Brian. This was written by Ken Eston and directed, of course by James Burrows. Reminder, we're doing these shows in broadcast order and not in order of filming. Man, this is gonna be a one Father alone. We opened in the garage for this episode. Bobby runs in to tell alex in Elane that his new play got reviewed last night.
Oh my god. He's got a stack of paper, a stack with him. He's got all the papes.
He's got a bunch of papers, and we come to find out that they're different papers. It's not just one
copy of the same good review. By the way, it's actually very quaint when you think about it, that back then you actually had to buy a newspaper the day after to read a review for this like nowadays, it's you know, we live in a twenty four hour news cycle, obviously, but back then you had to wait till the person submitted the review to the paper, that the paper was printed, the printed papers were delivered to newsstands, and there was
a long process. So that's he had to wait a whole half a day to get his review back.
Oh sure, there's tons of those Broadway tales where the opening night and they're all waiting at the restaurant and somebody rushes out at three am because they've just dropped off the first edition.
It's a bygone era.
Now nowadays, you could probably just while the play is going on, if you have a scene, you're off your backstage, you'd probably find out exactly what people are thinking of your show, because they're probably fucking spewing from the audience.
They're submitting capsule reviews on Twitter. Boy, this play is just fucking terrible. Alex takes the paper and proceeds to read the review as a cheery Bobby goads him along. The review is almost completely negative. It's a revival of depth of a salesman, and Bobby is playing Biff loman.
I would love to see this performance, by the way.
Right, by the way, I think we only end up really seeing Bobby perform professionally once.
Are we talking about the Children's party audition?
No, that's really I guess that is a professional engagement. Now there's an episode where he does he's performing in a one man play about Charles Darwin.
Oh my god, that's right, is that critic? Oh my god, I can't wait for that one.
It's an awesome episode, and unfortunately this is not it. By the way, speaking of Bobby, I don't know if you noticed this, but he's wearing his customary leather jacket. But we never talked about this. He has this it's a gold or brass pin on the right side of it, his right side.
We have talked about it, but we have not discussed what it actually is. I said, he's got a button on his jacket because he's an artistic sort, right, right, Yeah, But I can't tell you what it says.
You see probably the best image of it that we've seen so far. It's this three quarter shot of his face. But I still can't see what it is. I'm dying to know because I know it's so prominent. I thought maybe you had some insight. Anyway, this whole business with the reviews really doesn't go anywhere. Just then Tony comes into the garage and he has with him this kid, Brian from the episode The Reluctant Fighter. He was the kid in the wheelchair where Tony was going to fight
Carlos Navarone. And then Tony had to reconcile the fact that he was going to beat on this guy's this kid's hero.
Don't forget. Bobby then punches Tony in the face with a fistful of ball bearings. Okay, that's who we're dealing with.
The good news, I guess, is that Bobby is no longer in a wheelchair. Whatever medical procedure he had.
You know, this observation he needed, he could walk now.
So that's the good news. The bad news is everything else about this episode. A quote from the fan guy that I always referred to it's the Bible of Taxi at this point their entry on this episode. I had to write this verbatim that the quote is Brian is out of his wheelchair now, but is as sin and conniving as ever. And I think those words cynical and conniving are the best descriptors I could think of for
the character Brian, or at least look. I feel a little bad because he's He's nine years old, this kid. Nobody should expect him to be Olivier acting in this episode. But boy, he's so insufferable.
The problem is we've gotten the cynical, conniving, con artist kid on this show already. Louis de Palmer gave him a ride. It was Tanner from The Bad News Bears. If Tanner had been playing this role, holy fuck.
I feel bad because he's just a child, and I have a bias against being too critical of a kid in this circumstance. But to be really frank about this, half the time in this episode he's reading. He's clearly reading cue cards off of stage left. I don't know if you noticed that about him.
No, I did not know.
There's a lot of looking off the edge of the stage.
You know, they've got the cattle prods there, the electric so of course he's going to be hyper aware of their presence.
He's just it's played so broadly, and the writing is so terrible. At times, it felt a little bit like a backdoor pilot for some kind of offshoot of Taxi where Tony is a new adopted dad and he's got to deal with this precocious kid. It doesn't really fit in for me with the whole esthetic and feel of Taxi, but we'll get into this. We'll get into this as we go a little further here, Tony is growing about Brian scoring the game winning run and I guess a
little league game. They don't really specify, but turns out that he only took first base something, but he'ly got on base because he got hit by the ball. He got beamed. Tony asks Brian if he's checked with his foster parents about visiting him at the gym this week. This was not made clear in the Reluctant Fighter episode that I guess Brian is is a foster kid. They don't mention any of that.
I thought they did make that clear, and no, because I went back and I do the episode.
They don't. All they say that is that he was in the hospital, Carlos was his hero, and blah blah blah. They don't make any reference to well.
I think the fact that his parents did not appear in the episode implied that he was an orphan. I'm joking, of course, that's ridiculous.
That's well, so whatever, they're stretching out the character a little bit and giving him more of a backstory.
AHG, what are you talking about? His father is on screen with him.
Yeah. For those folks who maybe don't remember this kid, Brian is actually played by Tony Danz's real life son, So you know, whatever, good for them. I'm happy for them. The kid isn't the worst actor in the world. But why this is a hard episode to get through.
Here's what I'll say. I don't think he's bad in any way. It's just that when you consider the level of talent they usually get on the show, this feels like, well it's because of Tony, because the kid doesn't really rise above the level of a typical Disney kid. As far as performing, it's all studied. None of it feels natural. He's like doing a part, and on any other sitcom he would be the highlight of that sitcom. But this is Taxi.
I don't know. There's a lot of mugging for the camera. There's a lot of smiling. There's a lot of reference to his dimples that everybody seems to find disarming, which it just bothers me because the previous episode that we just went through was this gut wrenching, sad story of Reverend Jim and his horse, which sounds ridiculous on the face of it, but by the end of it I had tears in my eyes because it's so beautiful. And now we're dealing with this kid mugging and getting Tony
wrapped around his finger. It's embarrassing. It's what it is.
Let me just say, as nice as I've been to his performance, it it does feel a bit like Catherine O'Hara's performance in Waiting for Goffman, when she's on stage like this is a good site for these.
Weary eyes Red White and Blaine.
Yeah, you know, but like her bad acting, like is comparable to this kid's good acting.
The problem isn't It doesn't end with his performance. The problem really, ultimately is the writing. As we talk a little bit bit more about this and the twists in terms of this episode, it's I just don't know what they were thinking. Probably they were thinking, well, let's, you know, Tony's nice guy, let's involve his son in another episode and see where it goes. They didn't think it through,
I don't think, But nevertheless, let's gird ourselves and go forward. Here, Brian has to make an excuse to Tony about the gym because he's supposed to be at the playground that day, hanging out with rich kids so that he gets adopted. That's his scheme, is that if he hangs out it with enough rich kids, sooner or later one of their rich parents will decide to adopt him. Because he's cute and he has dimples. He just comes off as kind of creepy and conniving, so it's hard to see what
people see in him. Brian even talks about how cute he is, which is so off putting. I think he says, hey, look at this smile. Who can resist the smile and everybody?
And that's where it's the separation between a good child actor and a child reformer is because that had had his performance there been knowing you know what I mean, It isn't p he's intentional, like, oh look at me, I'm so cute, as opposed to I'm fucking adorable. Someone's gonna adopt me, if you know what I mean. It doesn't seem like he came up with the plan. And that's the last I'll beat up on him.
Okay, there's a lot of talk about him trying to increase his chances for adoption in any manner that he can possibly figure out. Be it his cuteness, dealing with these rich people that just have to fall in love with this kid, it's all it feels. It's been a funny way. I don't know this is a this is
an obscure reference. But famously, the Brady Bunch did a backdoor pilot called Kelly's Kids, where it was one of the Ken Barry right, he was going to be the star, and an all premise was Ken Barry adopts a child, like a nine or ten year old from a from an adoption agency. But the kid has two friends that he wants more than anything to be his brothers, so they go ahead and adopt these two other kids, Dwayne and Steve. I remember their names were Dwayne and Steve
because he talks about them a lot. It was an effort to try and create a pilot offshoot of The Brady Bunch, and it went nowhere and you never saw these people again. But that's the feeling I got. Father Malone is I'm watching this because there's no real way that Brian could ever have really existed long term in the Taxi universe. There's no place for him right now.
You know what, Elaine has children, and we've seen them like briefly one time or maybe twice, and those are characters who are intertwined with the show. And now we've got this like the orphan kid showing up for a couple of episodes.
Come on, I'm not going to go into a great detail here. At some point, Brian leaves, let's say, and Tony is wondering to the rest of the Cabbs why Brian can't get adopted, which, for some unknown reason causes the rest of them to suggest that Tony adopts Brian. Alex inexplicably even suggests that Tony would make a great father, but he's ignoring the fact that Tony is young, single, poor, and engaged in a blood sport for a career.
Well, you're monosyllabic. I don't know if you can read. You're a Cabby. You spend a lot of time at the track. We talked to some of your coworkers who said that you once took a speed induced trip to Florida in back driving some twenty four hours in each direction without sleeping or stopping, and you spend your time in a boxing ring getting pummeled. You haven't won anything, so we can assume that you'll be dead within a few years. Yes, let's give you a ti child.
The prospect of fatherhood actually makes Tony beam sickeningly, and I use that word in my notes with pride. Then there's some business where Bobby reads another review from another paper that slams his portrayal of Biff. That part of the episode really never goes anywhere. I think at that point, doesn't Louis come in with a big bundle of that newspaper to hand out to everybody because it's such a bad review. That's about as far as we'll take that.
At that point, we cut to Tony's apartment. I think this might be the first time we see Tony's apartment in this series. The rest of the Caves arrive for a visit and it's.
It's quite an apartment. It's actually perfect. Once again, they're fucking nailing it here because.
You thought it was perfect. I thought it was weird.
Oh no, no, I thought it was perfect. It is so unusual, and it's something that you know that when Tony saw for the first time. He said that word perfect. I can put the boxing thing there, I can sleep up there. That I've got all this space here for training like this is great.
There's a loft bed with no real there's no ladder to get up to the top of the bed, which I thought was weird. I think below that is where he has his boxing training area. He's got like a punching bag under there. There's a curtain with nothing behind it but a bureau and a dress that appears to be hung on the wall. I don't know what the
dress is all about. There's a picture in the back wall of a cartoon boxing glove that looks like something out of the Beetles Yellow submarine, like the Sea of Monsters. Turns out fatherm Alone. That is actually a known print. It was by an artist called Celestino Piati. It is from nineteen seventy one. It was produced for the exclusive close circuit TV viewing in Harlem of Frasier from Madison
Square Garden. This is actually a real piece of artwork, and I was like, well, it's actually kind of cool that they didn't just put some like Alex's. Remember Alex's apartment had some weird pottery barn looking stuff on the wall that didn't really appear one imports look out of place. That actually makes sense and it's actually a real piece of artwork.
And what probably happened is at one point Tony dated a cultured girl who bought that for him, and he's just like, it's great, it's boxing.
It's culture. I like boxing. It's culture. But it has to be said, my favorite part of this whole episode, and that's admittedly that's a very very low threshold to get over. Do you know what my favorite part of this episode was? It's actually right next to that picture of the boxing glove on the wall. Did you see what I saw? Father Malone? Evidently not, you did not on the wall next to that weird boxing glove poster hung on the wall. Is that huge plaque with the tiny fish mounted on it?
How did I not know?
Because it's not immediately obvious because you don't see it full on. You only ever see a corner of it because that's just the way it's framed. But that I'll remind people. In the episode from season one called Friends, Bobby killed Tony's beloved goldfish and to make it up to him. He had the mounted. It's like something out of easy Comics. It's so grim, but apparently Tony thought enough of it to put this ghastly object on the wall and there it is. Bravo.
The set decorators are more into the continuity of the show than the writers are. Noted.
I was so tickled to see that, because that is such a great callback to season one, and it made perfect sense to me, so I was. I love that part of it. That's the only thing I loved about the whole episode. Alex comes in and he asks Tony if you heard back from the social worker, and Tony says that he he has a good shot at adopting Brian, which, again, what kind of fantasy land are we living in here that this broke a Luca boxer has a shot at
adopting a child. That's beyond me. But anyway, for some weird reason, though, Tony says that he hasn't spoken to Brian about it, which seems like that would be the first person that you would want to consult if you're looking to adopt them.
Tony is intimidated by Brian. Yeah, is he admits it? Yeah, And you know, Brian has other plans, so he doesn't want to counteract or counterman those much. Still, he should have floated the idea, you know, just say, like, you know, you can always live with me.
Well by other plans, do you mean this idea that he's going to hang out with rich kids, Yeah, to get a DoPT Okay.
That okay, that is his specific plan right now. But you know, if that isn't happening, he's got a plan B and C so and none of those clearly include Tony Banta or he would have said, Tony, we should be together right.
Right, So it just seems odd to me that he would be making I mean, he's talking to somebody about adoption, a social worker without actually speaking to the boy himself. It seemed a little rash. Brian's coming over, and that's why Tony wanted everybody there. He's going to be laying this on Brian, and he wants his friends there for support. Although maybe one of the funniest bits of the episode, which again is a low bar to get over, Jim is there and Tony isn't even sure why Jim is there.
He's like, not even sure if he invited him, and Jim even says me, neither. I thought it was an oversight. But the funniest part of it is somebody, I think Tony throws him a beer or tries to throw him a and he just completely is in his own world. Jim is and it just kind of sails past him and hits the couch. I don't know why, but I thought it was really really funny.
Oh my god, I cackled when that maybe laugh. Yeah, this is the only reteaming part of the episode is and it's because of Jimyntowski.
Tony says he's so excited he couldn't even sleep last night. He's already checked out the local school he scouted out in an apartment with another bedroom. There's a knock on the door. Its Brian. Tony has a sudden change of heart and asks everybody shades of the Burns episode where they all had to hide in the bathroom while yeah, he had to have a fight with his wife.
Everyone in there, and we found that very very funny. So you take the rest of the cabbys and stick them in the bathroom. The hilarity increases geometrically.
There's a mildly funny bit about Jim thinking that they're going to play hide and seek. So anyway, I'll go into the bathroom and the scene suddenly becomes a two hander with just Brian and Tony, and Brian comes in because he's excited because he met a kid at this playground with rich people that has a rich aunt and uncle who want Brian to stay for a while, which
will hopefully lead to adoption. Now this kind of scared me a little bit for Brian's sake, because it just sounds like he met these people on the playground and they said to a nine year old boy with no parental supervision, come home. I want to come home with us. We're not weird at all.
Forever. You'll be part of our family. Now, don't you want to call me Dad?
It's played completely straight. You're not supposed to question this at all. It's just how things work in Brian's world.
Hey, remember we're talking about a world hp where there was the masher as a archetype in life, not just on sitcoms. Like it was expected that somebody was going around with a trench coat flashing people, and that's just part of modern day living. So here's another.
Well, take it on face value that these people are genuine and they have this boy's best interest at heart. Weird thing as a car starts honking as they're having this conversation. I mean, Brian has been in the house, in this apartment for maybe five minutes, and this car
starts honking, and that's apparently that's these people. Brian's prospective adoptive parents are picking him up at Tony's house, which makes me think, why the hell did he even go to Tony's in the first place if it's just going to be a five minute got to get his stuff? Does he though? I don't Does he leave? Does he leave?
He packs?
Yeah?
He pancks some things up before he goes.
Does he I don't remember that part?
Yeah, certainly. And the honking of the horn means that their driver is an impatient motherfucker who was just like, what am I? Is it not enough that I fucking do their errands? Fatherland? Now I'm picking up kids fucking Manhattan.
You're right, it's probably the chauffeur. It's Cadbury waiting outside for this insufferable child.
And the kid is probably so boastful that he's probably said to the driver, I'm going to soak these people who are all there worth? The driver's like this little motherfucker.
Ah, I can't believe this fucker.
They're going to adopt him, and if I say anything against him, they're just going to fire me. So all right.
Tony tries to talk to Brian to see if this is what he really wants, and the kid doesn't pick up on any of Tony's hints. Because Tony is dropping hints that, you know, hey, you may want to stay here for you know, the kid is not picking up any of this. Then the sound of glass breaking gets Brian's attention, and apparently somebody in the bathroom knocked something over, and he realizes that the bathroom is filled with his
with Tony's friends. He even makes a dumb joke about how the cat, Oh, you told me all your friends did everything together. I didn't know that meant going to the bathroom. It's stupid. Brian leaves, and he vainly tries to console a suddenly downcast Tony that hey, they can still hang out even after he gets adopted. Whatever. Brian leaves and the cabbies come out. They hurt everything, and they then try to consolet Tony, but he asks to be left alone, and as they file out all of
I couldn't help noticing. I don't know if you noticed this, but he's sitting on the couch and he looks really upset, and everybody leaves, but there's this scattered laughter coming from the audience. Did you notice that it's very peculiar.
Yeah. I don't know what was happening. Maybe it's the audience on the side could see everybody like crowded into the bathroom.
Well, no, I think what happened was so they leave and then at what then happens is that Jim is still in the bathroom and he comes out, making like a hide and go seek joke, like oh ready or not here I come. I think what happened if I had to guess father alone is I think probably this might have been like the second or third up the material.
Is coming.
Yeah, that's what I think happened. But me, as a viewer who's not supposed to be privy to any of this, I just thought it was really odd that in the midst of this really sad moment for Tony, the audience is laughing.
Can't see as Andy Kaufman doing something fucking bonkers up and he's.
Got his conga drums and he's ramping up.
Sure, he's dressed like Tony, and he's minding everything Tony is doing. Andy Kaufman has a new character. It's Tony Tanza.
He just starts doing, Oh, that would have been so incredible.
Rest the hair, like get pumped up, like get actually built. You know, I'd just love to know he would do it.
We fade the black and we fade back in. Tony is coming into the She gives his bookings to Louie, and, out of character maybe a little bit, Louie actually compliments Tony's bookings. Usually were used to him making some joke at their expense about how they're not booking much, but apparently Tony is pulling in all kinds of big books.
You'll notice that Louie is only ever happy with these characters when they're at their most miserable, because that's the only time they ever focus on their fucking jobs.
This is true. Tony is glom and he just says hey. He asks if he can drive the day shift too, and Alex and Elaine come over to chat with Tony. They see how Distraughtie is and they want to talk to him. But I couldn't focus on that. I was too busy looking at Elaine's western garb. She's still going all country western. She's dressed like Dolly Parton, basically, did you see what she was wearing?
I did, And look, I'm not happy with the continuing western trend going on here at Sunshine Cap, but if it has to happen and she's going to wear those jeans, then I'm all for it.
Having said all of that, she looks incredible no matter what they put her in. She should be dressed in downtown New York chic. Yeah, they persistent putting her in these, and it's because we've made this point. This is the time of the beginnings of country goes pop and I think this is a reflection of that.
Sadly, yeah, and that it makes me because they're doing it to a Wheeler as well, it makes me think that those two characters are flightier than I had initially thought that they. Elaine ought to be dressing like a New Waiver, you know what I mean, like a refined version of that, but yes, downtown New York like bohemian sort of that new wave chic.
We've seen her pull it off before a lot of scarves, a lot of interesting hats, and things like that.
You should be dressing like Annie Potts in UHTI.
Oh pretty of course, yeah pretty in pig exactly exactly like hip she does nothing hippy, but yeah, dressing like Dolly Parton. There's nothing look. I love Dolly Parton, but in this context, it it doesn't make any sense to me.
But nevertheless, Alex believes Tony's working so much because he's trying to make more money so that it'll be more appealing for Brian to come live with him, and Alex, recognizing this, warns Tony that he can't compete financially with Brian's prospective parents, but Tony just glumly replies that he just wants to hit the streets since Brian walked out on him. Elaine tries to make excuses for the kid, but and I actually liked this part too. Alex is
so fed up, like with everything. He says what everybody else is thinking, which is everybody's making excuses for this kid. Yes, he's had a hard life, but that doesn't give the kid the right to play with people's emotions and like Tony and treat him so poorly. Basically, Alex lays out this idea that Brian's value system is all messed up. He tells Tony to go to the Brennans, his adoptive parents, and tell.
Them to her.
But yeah, that's exactly what we're seeing here. He's like, he wants Tony to go to this estate where this kid is living the sweet life and try to make the case to him to Brian why he should adopt him instead of these high falute and rich people. Tony actually admits he's afraid that Brian will outwit him if he tries. This is a nine year old child, which leads to a dumb, dumb joke from Louis. I don't remember what it is, but it's just another joke about
what an idiot Tony is. But somehow Alex wears Tony down. But Tony says, only if you go with them. Everybody's going to have Alex go with them. It's Louis going on a date with Xena and her parents goa He's gotta have Alex with him. I guess he is the stable one in the garage, so it makes sense, but I don't know.
Hang the head that wears the emotionally stable crown.
They leave the garage and we fade out to what appears to be a mansion, probably maybe somewhere in the Berkshires. I don't know where it's located. They don't make reference to that, but we cut inside this completely garish room as a maid kind of announces that they're there and asks them to wait while the Brennans will be there momentarily. But I got to say, I know we've given the set decoration department, like their flowers, for all the good
work they do. This was terrible. This room was supposed to be the library. It didn't look anything remotely like a library to me, father alone. It's just so gaudy. It's supposed to look expensive, but it just looks cheap. I didn't like it at all.
Okay, do you think it looks cheap for nineteen eighty.
Are you asking if maybe this was just the opulence that was appropriate for.
The time at the time. Yeah, yeah, Like this is nineteen eighties version of like a nouveau reche situation where they're paying fealty to the older kind of idea of what a mansion and antiques are, but they're switching it up so the library can have a window as its main feature, and the books are not necessarily in your face. You have to find them down in shelves below.
Well, the only thing I was really reminded of in terms of the set it what came to mind. And I can't account for this, but do you remember there's a movie with Richard Pryor and Jackie Gleason called The Toy.
Do I remember?
Probably around that time? Hard to forget right.
I remember all the horrible moments of.
Terrible movie.
Have you ever seen the original French film?
I have not, I've not. Is it good?
Funny? All star American racial problems that that movie just doesn't want to deal with but is all about are absent in the French film.
Basically, a boy has his father essentially rent a human being to be the kid's friend for I don't know a week and live with him at his mansion. Anyway, the decor of that mansion, I guess you're right, reminded me of this library that Tony and Alex are entering in.
So maybe there's something to what you're saying, which is of the time it was dreger to have that sort of I don't know what you call it, but it's this leather couch that looks that's shiny and looks so uncomfortable, and it's made of I don't know, there's rivets running through through the whole thing, you know what I'm talking about. I don't know what they're called.
Yeah, but just particularly But I think what you're saying is it doesn't look good because it's not as nuanced as the other character apartments are. And even when it's not about those characters, because sometimes like remember we went to that high school gym and you and I were like, I don't want to go live in that gym. So it's possible for them to wow us in some ways. But I think what they're going for here is this sort of realism. That's what these wealthy people would have had,
would have built for their home. It's just that you and I are like, that sucks. And let me just say, do not see the toy, but go to YouTube and watch the wonder Wheel scene because it's fucking hilarious. It almost saves the entire movie. It doesn't because it's a terrible movie. Although you know, what's her name, isn't it? The weather Girl from from Johnny Carson Tonight's show. Well, the wife in the Jackie Gleeson's wife in it. What's her name? She was on the car, She was on
the Carson Show a lot. She would sheould play this like wacky Weather or girl or something.
I'm gonna have to look this up. By the way, do you recall who directed the toy?
It isn't Richard Benjamin, isn't.
No, it's Richard Donner. It's fucking Richard Donner.
Oh my god. That hurt.
Ah, I know what you're talking about. It's Teresa Ganzel. That's the wife.
Yeah, she's real funny in the movie. And it's a shame that it's this movie that she's so good in.
Yeah, she was on Carson a lot. Good memory fathered along.
Wow. Yeah. But the Wonderheeled scene where the wonder wheel is deflating and he's begging the Wonderweel not to die is it still makes me laugh? Ah?
Yeah, that is a good scene. Alex and Tonia in this opulent, supposedly opulent library and Brian comes in. He's followed by the Brennans, these rich this rich couple that's thinking about adopting him. The best thing I can think of about this scene is the writing of it, is that they never make an effort to make the Brennans seem like very snobby, rich people who look down on Alex and Tony. They're actually very very nice, very down to earth. They try like hell to make conversation with
Alex and Tony, mainly Tony. But Tony is such a dummy that none of these attempts go well. And even I think Brian is like he kind of slaps his face with the exasperation at what an idiot Tony is. If I recall, missus Brennan skidaddles to look to check on dinner while mister Brennan continues in vain to make small talk. But like I said, honestly, the guy seems like a cool dude who's just trying to relate to
these yahoos from New York City. But so I appreciated that the episode didn't demonize them and make them seem like villains.
I guess no, I mean, what they should have been even nicer, that it should have just been an all internal conflict with Tony here. He doesn't need to talk to the kid about it at all, and do you know what. This scene reminded me of a very recent episode where Tony not Tony, where Louis meets the folks. Yep, Oh my god, wasn't that good? Do you want to talk about that mom some more? And like how great she was since she was threatening to murder Danny Divader?
So there's no twist in this. I don't know what. I don't know what twist he would make. Maybe one of them admits that they need the child to complete some sort of satanic rite.
Oh my god, that would have been great, you.
Know, But none of that is in the offing. They they just seem like very decent people who just, you know when I want to care for this kid. Tony decides to leave, but Alex, again being Alex, who's always got something he wants to uh, some principle that he wants to stand up for, Alex refuses to leave until Tony tells Brian when he came all this way to tell him. Alex further tries to make the case to Brian that they're more important things than money, but he
gets nowhere. None of this gets Alex anywhere. Tony admits to Brian that he was kind of hoping that he wasn't going to be so happy because he was hoping that maybe he'd adopt him, and Tony then proceeds to plead his case for adoption to Brian. But to be honest, Brian acts like a total dick to Tony. Tony's really laying it out and really pouring his heart out to this kid about how much he looks forward to being a dad and he wants to make this kid happy.
But Brian basically is his position is, look, I got to look out for myself and frankly, you're not where I'm headed.
So no, well, the kid is not wrong, Honestly, I know he is a dick and ultimately is not deserving of Tony's affection. However, he's right in.
The hard truth of it all. You're right.
He's with his wealthy family who are acting lovingly towards him. Or he can go live with the Peluca who's going to be punched to death, leaving him in some tenement and then back to square one, and now he's not cute, and now he no longer has the dimples. Thanks Tony, your pal.
Tony realizes that it's a lost cause, and he he leaves with Alex and that's that, and then we cut back to Tony in his apartment playing solitaire. He gets a call from Alex, who asks Tony if he wants to see Horse Feathers the Marx Brothers movie. Is that horse Feathers? That's what that is? Right?
Of course, think about the writers on this show. You know, every one of them was a fucking fanatic for the Marx Brothers, so.
Horse Feathers seemed an odd choice. But whatever. Tony turns him down anyway and.
Says he just about a boxer trying to adopt a kid who wants to be adopted by a wealthy family.
Like a bad penny, he always turns up. Brian barges in to the apartment with a suitcase, and Tony at first he thinks Brian chose love over money, but he's going to call the Brennans just to make sure everything's cool, but Brian tells him not to. And the truth is they didn't want to adopt Brian at all, and Brian's words they quote had no taste, So it's not a case of Brian choosing love over money. It's a matter
of they didn't want the kid. After all, so he is forced to go back to the guy who really cared for him in the first place and to try and make up with him, which Tony is pretty upset with every reason that Brian is settling for him now, and Brian is. At this point, Brian is strutting around the apartment, He's upt ending drawers, he's making wise cracks, as Tony is getting more and more upset at how fickle Brian is. There's all this mugging, more mugging from Brian,
which is driving me up the wall. Finally, Tony is so upset he tells Brian, a nine year old boy, to hit the road.
He was staying with a foster family, wasn't he.
Yeah, But that's all gone now.
I mean, well, he's got to go back and apply to the fucking program and get back into it, because you fucked up, kid.
Brian is like, what was that movie with Macaulay Culkin, The good.
Son with Elijah Wood.
He turns up the charm when but when no one's around, he becomes this demon child. This is what we're seeing. Brian is trying to say to Tony he loves him, but Tony is firm that's it's not gonna happen. But this is the weirdest part of the whole episode for me, Father Malone. Somehow, Tony has this brilliant idea that they're gonna cut cards to decide whether this nine year old child gets to stay with Tony or leave to an uncertain future.
Love it. This is the best part of the episode. I'll say that Tony Banta has decided this child's fate will be decided by a deck of fucking playing cards.
So high card stays. So they're gonna cut cards. They're gonna compare cards, and whoever gets the high card, like if Brian gets the high card, he gets to stay. If vice versa, then he's gonna leave. So they cut the cards, and conspicuously, of course, Brian doesn't show the card that he got to the audience because they're not going to set up this elaborate trick with the cards. So Brian flips an eight and Tony flips a King. But Tony then says, all right, I'll go to King.
I got to keep you, and that leads to a giant hug from Brian as we fade out. By the way, we never see Brian again for the duration of the series. This is it. I don't know, what do you suppose happens.
To Brian Listen. He's not ever gonna stop being a conniving little dickhead. So the fact is, let's just say he kind of lives with Tony. Now, I imagine that kid is mainly out on the streets up to no good and then he sleeps there. So it's more of those situation's like three o'clock in the morning and Tony's getting up and like eating raw eggs because he's training for a fight, and he hears something he's like, oh hey,
I hate Tony. And then the kid goes up to the loft bed and goes to, okay, you need anything, you need any money? No, I'm okay, I'm okay, I just need.
The better ending for this would have been they cut the cards and Tony flips the King, and the kid flips the eight, and instead of it being a matter of like, okay, you get to stay anyway, if Tony just like points to the door and just just like all right, the car cards have.
Spoken, that equally good, in my mind would be the kid post the King, Tony posts the eighth and the and the kid says see you and packs his suitcase, and the ladiers like, I win. I don't have to stay with you, or he gets.
To stay in Tony's apartment and Tony's the one who has to leave. He's gonna find.
A place to I won the apartment. What do you mean are the stakes you didn't realize?
Tony already admitted that Brian excelled at outwitting him, so it would only stand to reason that he would pull a trick like that. He's can like we can't. I can't stress it enough. This kid is up to no good through the whole fucking episode. That's the end of Tony and Brian. I'm not even sure we should have to bother doing this, but as is our custom, we're gonna talk about yellow lights. What does he yell light mean? Reminder that one yellow light is the worst taxi episode
and five yellow lights is a classic episode. Father alone is our custom. I'm gonna throw it to you first. What could you possibly give Tony and Brian?
Uh? You know, I think I liked this episode a little bit more than you, But I don't know if it's worth an extra light just to be contrary. I'm assuming you gave it one, I'm probably just gonna give it a one. It's not I mean, there are a couple of bright moments here. We did both laugh out loud at one point in this episode.
Sure, the bit with with Jim missing Jim.
Yeah, like that enough for an extra light to get it to two?
Not at all? Absolutely not.
Yeah, now you know what I think. Every bullshit scenario we just sort of off the top of our headed here is better than this episode. So it's gonna remain you know, one yellow light.
No surprise, I gave it one yellow light. This is such a terrible, terrible episode. It's completely unrealistic and a waste of everyone involved. Avoid at all costs. Just don't bother. I mean, I guess you could watch it and marvel at how wrongheaded the whole episode is and maybe get a chuckle from Jim missing a beer tossed to him. But that's not worth twenty eight minutes of your life. But you'll never get back, so you're not missing much.
That will do it for this episode of night, mister Walters father alone, Where can folks find you when you're not clocked into the garage?
You can check me out at midnight viewing. That's the podcast I host with a whole bunch of people, and oh check out. I don't know what else do I do, It doesn't matter.
Yeah, oh you have a Patreon.
Yeah you know what, you know? You can check me out. If you want to like my stuff at all, go to patreon dot com slash Father alone. You get everything I do early in commercial free and we've got specific bonus content that you can only get on the Patreon page. So head on over there if you would.
He I've said it before, I'll say it again. Father Malone produces more quality content than anyone else I've ever known, and I am particularly fond of the weekly roundup he does with Ripley Jean, his erstwhile co host. It's just a great way to get caught up on some current movies and TV shows that are on streaming, and also some odds and ends that he finds interesting that week. It's kind of you never quite know what you're going to get, but it's wonderful. It's a great way to
start the week. Those debut on Sundays, right, Father Malone.
Yeah, it's supposed to be a Monday show, but I get too excited when I finish it, so I just put it out there as soon as it's done. Yeah, so Sunday's usually Sunday morning. And let me point out another show that I am involved with or was involved with. The show called Noise Junkies. HP has pretty much taken over there. Go listen to Noise Junkies. He's done it. He's doing great work about specific albums and people involved in the music industry. He did one about Grace Jones's
album Slave to the Rhythm, which is fucking awesome. I thought I knew everything about that album, and I learned a lot, so very kind.
I do have fun with it. As he mentioned, I'm also on the Proud to be on the weirding Way Network. Besides finding me here, you can find me occasionally as a guest on the Culture Cast with Christashu and I would encourage you to check out Noise Junkies. There's already some great episodes, but lately I've kind of taken on some interesting solo minisodes. I call them that they're a little more bite size and they've been fun to do,
so check those out if you will. I also have a band camp, hpmusicplace dot bandcamp dot com, which I've I have fun with as well. Check that out. But that's it for this episode of Night Mister Walters. Thank you so much for listening. Please feel free to subscribe to this podcast, write a review, rate us. We'd love to hear from you in any way you see fit so for myself and for father alone. Thanks again for listening, and we'll see you all next time, Think mister Walders