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pouring out our balantines for John Mahoney. Alright, one of those beers you have to like open with a knife. Real men use their teeth. Only ex cops are allowed to drink it. Um. Yeah, we lost John Mahoney this week. R I p um. He you know, of course, played Martin Crane on Frasier, but was also just a stand by dad of TV and cinema for many years decades, even moonstruck say Anything, struck anything. He was also right

on cheers um as a like piano player. Really yeah, and then they had to they dropped details about him that they then had to like, I guess go back and kind of rewrite for Fraser the red cond a couple of cheers things for Fraser, is what I've learned, because that's why he has a piano in his apartment. Maybe he really played the piano. Emily, you posted a good meme that you made that was fifty shades of Crane involved. Let's let's not dive right into crossovers. We're

gonna we'll get there eventually. But doesn't he sexually play the piano in fifty Shades of Gray? Is that why? Yes? Yeah? And he he sexually plays the piano to I think purposefully comedic effect in this most recent one. But we'll get there. We'll get there to our our Seattle trueba doors in their high rise apartments. What what? What else do we want to say about John Mahoney. He's a good actor. He started late in in in life. I feel like it's very inspirational. I think he didn't start

acting until he was in his late thirties. He had some completely other career that was not showbiz related before that. Uh, and then you know, fell to Colleen, took some acting classes and you know, it was a successful working and Uh. I think he did some theater. But he also did a lot of voice work for a long time. Uh, he was he had he um it's a voice worked in Iron Giant, I remember. Uh. And also aunts which I never saw, but I saw that when I looked

at his Wikipedia. Uh, the the off brand Bug's life. Uh. And yeah, I just I think he was always such a reassuring presence, not just because of my own association with him with Fraser, but because he was just he had such a good voice and like a good a good dadlike demeanor, whether he was on the cranky end or or less cranky. But Martin Crean's relationship with Eddie was one of the least obnoxious, um fictional you know

person dog relationships. Think. You know, it's a fine line between that being charming and it being like a little tweet, especially when you start thinking about dog actors. You know, it wasn't that dog an asshole. There were two dogs. There was one dog, and then it was taking the job was taken over by his son, who I think it was name And I'm not sure this is right, but I feel like I remember his son's name was Enzo. And he did not take to the to the actors.

Something I just learned is that the horse that played Mr Ed when he died was replaced with a different horse for nine years and they just never told anybody. Of course, of course, so r I P. John Maloney, Uh and uh, yeah it was. It was sad, a bittersweet note to begin Night Call on with his passing, but we uh we honor him here at the at

both Night Call offices. Yes, across coast to coast, coast to coast, Um, speaking of Seattle and luxury high rise apartments with views, and uh, the erotic potential of piano playing, so much potential, so much potential. Uh, Emily, you saw the new fifty Shades of great movie, fifty Shades Freed, Freed Freed. Um. Yes, I saw it, not even twenty four hours ago. I saw here to a press screening. Um, and it will be out by the time our listeners here this. So I'm gonna go all in unspoilers. I

do not care. And I know you guys haven't seen it, but I said ahead of time, I was like, you needn't to see it to talk. I'm seeing it. Um, yeah, I mean I hadn't seen the second one confession, and it did not prevent me from writing a review about it. I think that the mythology and continuity across these three films is probably the least important thing about them. I'm gonna tell you all about the second one now, because

it's been nameless. Well no, because the second one has all the revelations about him being his his biological mom being like a crack addicted prostitute or something. Right, Yeah, but it's really like brushed right past. It's like the set up this sort of I think it's like a blackmail plot or something, but it's like it's like an anti plot movie. It's constructed in the weirdest way, and this one has that in common. Then Yeah, it's like everything that you think because of the poster and like

just the way it was marketed. Like there's this masquerade ball that is supposed to be like the crazy climax, but then it happens for five seconds. It's like one of the characters who I think causes conflict just like disappears and never returns to the movie. It's like, um, it's like a weird It's like the Room. Yeah, there

was this. I was reading the Wikipedia summary just so that I would kind of have an idea of what happened, and there's like the funniest like Wikipedia, whoever wrote this this entry is doing so much work for the movie to try to make it make sense. Uh right, So this is about the ending of of fifties shades darker um as fireworks erupt in the sky. So so I guess Christian Jean Gray has a helicopter accident, and then because his life is in danger, Anastasia realizes that she

cares about him and wants to marry him. Uh, and so so they proposed whatever blah blah blah okay, As fireworks erupt in the sky, Jack Hide, who is like her other boss that I guess she like dumped h Jack Hide watches the festivities from Afar and burns Christians face through the Gray family picture with the cigarette, silently swearing revenge against silently swearing revenge against Christian and Anna parentheses he he presumably had a role in sabotaging Christians helicopter.

It's just wow, they really really are trying trying to, uh to clean up after the movie. There. No, That's what I'm saying. You should watch the second one because because the first one I think is good like I will go to bat for the first one because Sam Taylorson did such a good job with it and made it so much better than it totally that it needed to be eat. Yeah. Book is so incredibly bad, right.

They made Anastasia like really funny and identifiable, and Dakota Johnson is just so charming that even though the plot is ridiculous, you're still like, I want to just see her, Like I just want to like follow her wherever whatever kinky mischief she gets up to. You know, we Emily, did you read did you read Fifty Shades? No? I didn't.

I remember this being an early thing that we talked about because I I feel like you wrote something tests about how um or maybe Molly wrote I can't remember, but about how it was one of these big um

what would you call it? Console killers? Like what? Like you know they have that phrase for video games, like the game that makes you get the console, but it was like that for kindle because because you didn't have um yeah, because the cover of it is not identifiable, so people on the train can't see that you're watching or that you're reading in fifty Shades, which is brilliant. Um. Of course, I totally, I'm such a snoop. I read over everybody's shoulder. It is the least sexy book anyone

has ever written in their life. It's intensely on. Second, we were trying to remember, there are words and phrases that are repeated so odd, like I think one of them was damn, damn damn. There's also whenever she gets turned on the she says her inner goddess did the room. But it is it is written like a seventh grader who's never had sex or done anything, but as eaves dropped on someone at some point, only gotten and it

reads like fan fiction, which is what it is. And then the movie was like I because I was like, I don't even know how you could make a watchable movie out of this garbage. And then yeah, the movie was like incredibly decent and uh, she's so great. He's such a locks. It's too bad. Yeah, somebody in my in my review of the um of the most recent film, I kind of positive that the film is really just

all along. The appeal of the film is that you identify with this, you know, bright, charismatic, funny girl who is just like wrapping her life around this like void, this this moneyed void. Uh in Christian Gray and that there is something like you're like, why are you doing this? Like you should be with anybody else, But she keeps doing it and there's something kind of like face palmy and identifiable about that. Uh. She's very good and she

makes it watchable. Although every time I see the trailer for the new one, I'm just like, man, get your paycheck. And she's out. She's already done her Luca Guadanino movie. She's got two tracks going right now. I'm not worried about her. She can just room balling out of there. Yeah.

It's so. It's so interest seen though. So like one of the controversies I think about the book too, but before the movies came out, was just that the way that it kind of completely missed that for hens, I think like what D s M even is and and and what draws people to it, and that it's like somehow some kind of symptom of childhood trauma as opposed to just like a consensual thing that people do because

it's fun. It's also written from this weird, like moralistic point of view where it's like he's like a bad person for wanting to be into B D S M. And she's like this good girl who would never do that, and like, you know, she never does discover her like in her love of it. She hates it the whole time, which she hates it in the book, because that's one of the fun things about the movies at least, is

that she seems to be really enjoying herself. And there's this sequence in the most recent one that involves like a giant glass but plug that Um, of course we don't see an action, but it's just alluded to and then it's kind of cutting back, so it starts the scene there in the playroom and uh, and then it kind of cuts between her later in her office at work kind of remembering it and like having this big goofy smile. Is she kind of flash reminiscing about the

giant Yeah, it's sweet. I was like, Oh, this is like somebody who's just like having a an active and sexy, like like healthy sex life and uh, and you know it's it's satisfied with it and it didn't seem to have any of the shame or like this is naughty around it. That the rest of the weirdest thing about fifty Shades Darker is that it's like the most wholesome

movie you've ever seen. What, Yeah, you like, you think it's going to be like fifty Shades like Darker, and then it's like about like no, it's all about like monogamy leading to marriage and reproduction and like buying property. It's like the most regular stuff this one too. They get married at the beginning of it, and and they are like sitting on the lawn with their bouncing babies, like she has one baby and then she's pregnant with another one, and it's just like this is what it

was all leading to. Um And don't they buy like a giant real estate porn house. Yeah, they get this like old mansion and and this like a sexy architect by the way, I love that there's like a sexy architect character in this this movie who's like trying to get her to tear it down and build some modernist thing and she's like, no, I like the old house and has character. So but that's like one scene at

the beginns in the trailer. Uh, and it's like never revisited, um as as I think a lot of the film is not in the trail Uh No, it's completely ridiculous. I mean the one thing it kind of tries to do this thing of like, now that she's a married woman, she's going to be the dom Uh. But I did appreciate ultimately that it didn't extend that into the bedroom like it wasn't she suddenly wanted to be dominant, because I just would feel ridiculous. It was like nobody, I

don't know, it didn't it would feel disingenuous or something. Uh. And you know, at least could acknowledge that somebody could want to be like a career woman in the like a bizarre flat way that she is a career woman in the fifty Shades movie and she working like she's like what does she do? Oh my god? This is

the best part of the new movie. She gets promoted to fiction public or fiction editor at this at this publishing imprint that she works at um and because because Christian bought the company, I guess in the second the second movie. Uh, and she's and then at one point she's sort of worried because she thinks, oh, I only got this job. I only got promoted because you're you

own the company. And he's like, no, you you learned it with hard work and talent, and everybody in the theater just burst out or just it was too bad. He's like cotic. Is what makes it weird is that he's psychotic and he's treated is like the romantic hero.

But then it's like his whole personality is like he has to surveil her at all times and like control every aspect of her life and the company that she works for, and the books too is about her being like well, actually, like that's the most romantic thing, like anyone could do. Like he loves me so much. She

wants to possess everything about me. It's such a weird inverse of how I feel, like any other writing I've ever read about, like like the dynamic of a submissive dominant relationship is like it's just like that's let's like not sexy at all to have somebody who's not going to let you hang out with your friends, which does. But she also references like wathering it hights a bunch of times, which I think is what she's going for.

You know, it's like you know Heathcliff that it's like, oh, he's so bad, but you have to do it anyway. And then you're in too deep. But then it's like, of course it has end in marriage, like I don't know if you could have that story. But then it's like this is also going to be your husband. Yeah, well that's also how it reads like, I mean it

is literally Twilight fan fiction originally. Yeah, that is kind of still how it reads like, alright, like a person who doesn't know anything about sex, and it's like basing all their ideas off movies and books like Weathering Heights, although like I don't think the Bronte Is had maybe had sex when they wrote those books. The way you phrased it, I was like, wait a second, what don't I know about the Bronte sisters, But it's hard to know if they had sex. But I mean, what's interesting

about like fifty Shades Yet? We were talking before we started recording about how it is just so so on sexy, but that so many people responded to it as if it was sexy, and then you, especially reading the book, you're just like, wow, it's like it's been vampire of all it's sexy, right, It's just it's just like kind of consumer symbols or something at this point, like it's just something so that somebody on like Real Housewives of Beverly Hills can be like, oh, we're having a fifty

Shades party tonight. It's like it's like a meme. It's just a it's like a yeah, just like a trope or something that doesn't it's completely devoid of anything resembling

sex or imagine if it had actually been sexy. Well, the movies, I mean the movies again are like better than the books because there's like moments where you're like, sex, no, but there's a pardon is it the first one where he like she like bites his toast or something where you're like that's weird, Like, well, can I tell you some a couple of things just isolated incidents, and so, um, she gives him a hair cut at one point that like it cuts to her starting to cut his hair

and it's playing like the sexy you know, neo soul music or whatever like that's the dominant sound of of the Fifty Shades movie, like an a Dell cover of like Feeling Good or something like that. That's um, and look, those movies gave us the Weekend's worth it and love Me, Love Me like you do, which they both good songs. Come on. They run that back at the end with like a literal super cut of all the movies. Uh,

it's pretty amazing. And maybe a string section. Yeah yeah, Actually it's like an orchestral rendering of love, like Molly's writing the fourth right now. You can do fan fiction of fan fiction, um for the strings and what else. There's a scene where they are in a kitchen in a vacation home and she's eating Ben and Jerry's and then um, they start to have like I guess food sex with the ice cream and he appears to spoon

a dollop of it into her vagina. It's not also also not clear, and I was sitting next to Rachel Handler, my editor at Vulture. You guys, uh, you guys know, and she uh pointed out that that was terrible for her pH absolutely awful. You're going to get an infection for sure, and also freezing cold. Yeah, not fun? What else? Uh oh yeah, what's Yeah. The haircut scene is like

bizarrely sexy without being sexy at all. But they're just like playing seductive music while she's getting giving them a haircut.

And I thought that was pretty great and the best line of all and the whole thing is when she's being a successful career woman like editor at the at the publishing company, and he's like instructing a group of underlings and points to one of them, says, increase the font size by two points, and uh yeah, I was that's what I'm publishing is like, well, publishing is all

about like her. I guess her boss, the guy who's like trying to have as venge is she was sleeping with him in the second one, and I just feel like it all feels a little bit uh you know, shitty medium in uh oh yeah, her one. In the first one, he was like her evil publishing boss like trying to get him get her to sleep with him like advance, and she won't. She doesn't even sleep with him because the movies aren't that interesting. Wait, she doesn't sleep with him. No, it's like you have to watch

the second one. You're missing so much contexts mythology. What I'm going to say about those movies is that in two of them, uh, they sold me a lipstick because Dakota Johnson is so beautiful that I was like, I must know which lipsticks she's wearing in the second one because it looked so good and then I bought it. She's so great. I can't wait. Ilia ellipstick called Arabian Nights. It's like a very um she's got like a very glossier type look like it's like a half tinted kind

of it's the Deweys, that's what. Yeah, she looks very very aspirational in all those movies, and that's part of it. It's just it's they're fine, they're enjoyable. Fine, yeah I'm not when I am more actually like opposed to in them. Aside from whatever ridiculous sex stuff they get up to. Is just like the way that they feel dated even now is how like um, like rich porn. They are

like billionaire poor they are porn there. It's just like very it feels very gossip girl in a very low rent way, and it's just not at all interesting at all, and it feels like it's cushion, Like we can get away with the sex stuff as long as we like really double triple reassure you that this guy is super rich, because then it's like okay for him to do devian sex stuff. He's like the youngest millionaire billionaire in Seattle.

It's so it's so silly because the thing is like it's not even like an older man thing like you thinking would be. It's like she's like twenty and he's like a twenty six year old million year It's so weird year old anyone ever met. Yeah, he's like a tech billionaire. But you know, yeah, there's like something interesting that could be in these movies about like oh, you know, she is so into him and he can buy her everything, but it's like this empty life but they don't go there.

There just like, oh, he can buy her everything, and that's the best thing anyone could want. So like that girl, let a man stock you if he's going to buy you a mansion. Oh yeah, yeah. Well, well, speaking of food play, Hello Fresh is a meal delivery service that shops, plans, and delivers your favorite step by step recipes and pre measured ingredients so you can just cook, eat, and enjoy.

We've all tried Hello Fresh year at nightcall. My favorite thing about it was not having to plan dinner or worse, when you get in that thing where you cannot decide what take out to get, so you just go back and forth between options and then you give up and eat bread at two in the morning with Hello Fred, she get to try new recipes that aren't already in your repertoire, and everything is delivered to your door in recyclable, recyclable,

an insulated packaging. The recipes are designed to take about thirty minutes so you won't spend forever in the kitchen, and you can choose between three plants, Classic, veggie or Family. So I got to try a little bit of Hello Fresh this week, and um, I was very taken with

the sizzling, hoistened shrimp dish that they sent over. So, I, you know, you could say what your dietary restrictions are, So I don't eat dairy, but I do eat meat and seafood, and there are plenty of options, it turns out, uh, and so I cooked up this uh really yummy kind of Chinese shrimp dish. It took like, yeah, it took about a half an hour. Um, I liked it. My fiance was happy, and um it was the kind of thing that I would not necessarily normally cooking. Now I

feel like, uh, I feel like it's expanded my horizons. Um. Yeah, it's it's nice because it's like you can kind of you know, I don't have a lot of vegetarian recipes in the mix, and so I went with the veggie box and I was like, I never would have put these things together, and it turned out super good. And it's something that now I can like whip up on my own and get more vegetables into the mix, and I'm not like stuck in that rut. So it's it

ended up being kind of like a cool thing to try. Yeah, Um, if you would like to give it a try and receive thirty percent off your first week of Hello Fresh, visit Hello Fresh dot com and enter promo code call thirty. So fifty Shades of Gray is coming out? Um, what came out this Friday? And you know this? It's it's it's Valentine's Day movie season. There are plenty of movies to to check out and and and date options if you have something, if you have a significant other you'd

like to go see a picture show with. I think, um, I would like to make the official night call Valentine's Day movie suggestion. UM be a little movie called Double Lover, the new movie by Francois Ozone. He did probably the most famous film here is uh Swimming Pool, which came out around like two thousand two or something like that. Um. He's known for, uh erotic dramas, unconventional erotic dramas, and

this is definitely this definitely fits the bill. And I was telling Molly and tests about it last night even though they haven't seen it, because, um, this might be a huge spoiler for it, but I feel like we must talk about it. It involves cannibal fetuses, um, and the easiest way to get Molly and Me to see a movie like cannibal fetuses. Well, it's based on a novel by Joyce Carol Oates, which I had never heard of. But that's like not out of the realm of possibility.

The novel is called The Lives of the Twins. I think it came out in or eighty seven or something like that. Yeah. Um, And so the story, as far as I can tell, has just been transposed to Paris instead of New York. And I won't get into it that much. It's a little bit twisty attourney. Basically, this woman, uh, she starts seeing Uh, she's she's you know, she's depressed and she has these like stomach pains that she thinks

are from stress and Uh, sorry, it's such an amazing movie. Uh. And she starts seeing a psychiatrist and then ends up falling in love with falling in love with him, and they get married. Lots of inappropriate relationships and movies are like line crossing relationships, whether it be your boss or your psychiatrist. Um, so happy Valentine's Day, everybody in this

year of our Lord. Um So yeah, there's uh but anyway, she starts seeing uh, she starts seeing her psychiatrists and they they they start living together, and then she discovers that he has a twin who's also a psychiatrist, and she thinks, like, oh, her husband or her boyfriend must be hiding something. So she goes, and she goes and makes an appointment with the twin psychiatrist and begins a

relationship with him too. Um. And he practices a very different type of psychiatry and uh, there's just a lot. What do you mean, Wait a second, how different? Is this a sexy free Yeah, basically it's about brother psychic brother shrinks and this woman basically she's Mariss except she's not an heiress. Uh, but she's caught between them and um,

I mean his his methods involved like his office. His office basically looks like Christian Gray's apartment, and he has um like a fur covered bed um to do practical application in quotes with her um, it's it's a super wild movie. Where are the cannibal I'm not getting a lot of the cannibal fetuses. It's it's it's at the end. But I mean, all you need to know is that there are there's a set of twins um and there's a kind of like like from from the womb conflict

between them. And then she basically suspects from from the beginning of the film that she has, uh she has a twin somewhere else, and at the end of the film it has revealed where that twin is. Is it

inside her? Inside her? Because wait, so we were talking about this because one of my kids is left handed and I am not left handed, but I have a lot of family members who are, and I was googling it and one of the it's been discredited, but a theory about left handedness, because I guess it only occurs in like ten to twelve percent of the population, is that it is uh like an identical you know, you're one of like two two twins obviously, and then you

kind of absorb your other twin and your mirror twins, so you absorb your right handed twin. But it's been discredited, but I was like super feeling that. I was like, that's a very cool dark origin story for you. This is not true. This is a well that is explored in this film. H And I mean, I don't know if what happens when, like with a cannibal fetus, if it does actually remain in the kids, it's absorbed, it's absorbed, but it just becomes like another child, like it doesn't.

It's not like it's not like a m what are they called? The that the what what are the what's the name of those tumors have teeth? And I was just about to tak um um there's an X Files about this, the X Files about everything. But I feel like that, I feel like I knew you were going to say that she had a twin inside her before we got there, because I feel like I've seen that

twist in something else. Maybe it's just in that X Files, but oh yeah, it's a very and the way it's revealed in the film is very X Files Like it's totally I was on the edge of my seat, just like with the biggest dumb grin on my face because I was like, show the baby, Show the baby. Is it aft French extremism? Um, it's not. It's not like, um, it's not as crazy as like a gas bar NOI. There is definitely like a gas bar NOI version of this. It feels much more like um Cronenbergian I would say,

I don't really care for the French extremism. It's too extreme. No, it's too like being so extreme. Yeah I can, I can do that. Well. The other thing about this, and this is like our most this We're doing our our gynecological pod this this this week. But it starts with like a speculum eye view of her and then does her vagina or okay nice? Yeah, so literally I was like, maybe she means it like, you know, through her that's a haircut. It opens on a haircut as well, haircuts

and and orifices, and then it comes in speculum. I'll find haircuts sexy at all, and then um, but it goes from that shot like people to touch your head tests not particularly we were just talking about a sm or I'm sorry, I want to go back to the speculum, because we want to go back to the speculum. It goes from that shot, that super close up shot to like cross fading a perfect match cut with her eye like lying on the side and a tear coming out of it. Um, it sounds like a man made this

movie totally, Oh no, are you kidding me? Of course, although the one thing that's kind of good about it is that like she's the person who's solving the mystery of these crazy men instead of like her being I mean she she does obviously have a problem, but uh, but it's mostly about how these guys are so fucked up because of their their their twin relationship. Is there a better Is there is one like the good psychiatrist and the other ones the bad psychiatrist? Or are they

both the bad? Okay? Nice? Yeah, although one of them, the one is like the good one in quotes, he's also not great anyway. Well, speaking of reproductive anomalies, Um, there's a story this week about crawfish in Europe that have been taking over all the bodies of water everywhere, and apparently it's because people in Germany started raising crawfish as pets for a while and then got bored of it and put them in the water. Can you imagine how boring a pet crawfish would be. I mean it's

like shocker, Like they're not that interesting. You know, there are people who have pet shrimps and it seems like sort of a person raised lobsters. They're really pretty shrimp that you can have, but then they're also just like gray colored shrim like a like a grayfish. You want those splashy pizzazi, Well, okay, I'm going to sell you on crawfish now, because what these crawfish we're doing is apparently reproducing just like crazy. And then they figured out

it was because they were reproducing a sexually. They were cloning. They're cloning themselves and they're all just females and they make like hundreds of eggs. Yeah, that sounds like our future. It's also crazy because I guess it was just like a random mutation because there were these crawfish and then this one's the marbled crawfish and they're like pretty, you know, they're all ladies and uh, and they don't have any like normally, when there's a genetic mutation like that, there

are drawbacks, like biological drawbacks. But these seem healthy and there. It's just that they clone themselves and they reproduce like crazy, and they're like taking over. Are they eating the other crawfish? Yeah, are eating all the local crawfish and becoming the only um. So you know what the answer to this is a crawfish boil. Wait what a crawfish? What a crawfish boil? Oh? Yeah, to to solve their problem. Well, I mean it sounds like a model though for like a like a post

male future. Also, that's what I'm saying. Also, just an al famale society, everybody lays a million eggs, it can happen. That's what this proves. Yeah, well we could call the herd by doing an enormous crawfish boil. I know, Molly's a big crawfish. I do I like, I like can't. I can't do it. I wish I could look so fun. Yeah, I just it's like a big table full of bugs and it's just I am. It took a lot for me to get over my my anti crustacean uh fear, which I'm glad I did because I like crab is

probably one of my favorite foods on the planet. But I can't it over. I can't do the little head pop thing. It's so no. I mean, you know, Arthur problems are scary, but that's kind of what's cool about them. It is because you can lean into how scary they are and be like, Wow, isn't it cool that these exist?

And I'm eating one like eating an alien. The weird thing about eating crawfish it's like this commitment because it messes up your hands so bad, and it's crazy because you get all these slices all over your hands and then you're like putting lemon on them to get the smell out and stuff. So you're just like it's a very kind of like masochistic experience. I like so good. I like that it feels like a weird like prehistoric like oh, I'm you know, I don't know, I'm into it. No.

I like that. I love the optics of a of a crawfish boil. I just can't bring myself to eat it. I don't know. We're gonna, we're gonna, we'll we'll get you, speaking at you, thinking of things that will get you. That was I'm very excited for Molly to talk about this. I was going to talk about also how crawfish look like spiders and that's what makes them scary. I mean they're underwater spiders. But like, what if spiders are delicious

and we're just conditioned against wanting to eat? Yeah? Yeah, yeah, I mean crabs are I would I would venture that crabs are better than lobster um. But I don't know. Maybe I haven't had a nice enough This is going to be the next Night Call pole? Yeah, this should Yeah, lobster we should bring up our our our first pole, our pole pole. Oh yeah, well we'll get to that

after we talk about the ancients. Okay, alright, So, uh, if the Cannibal Fetis movie is the official Valentine's Day movie of Night Call, then this ancient spider that was just discovered is the valid our Valentine, official Valentine creatures. It's our centerfold, it's our centerfold, our Miss February. Yeah. I think it was discovered in Amber. Uh. But there was a picture, a drawing of a ancient spider with

a tail that I sent to test Emily. Lest you know, Testa's first reaction was was going to be mine, honestly, which was like the illustration had it by this hole that freaked me out more than the tail did. There's a name for this phobia of not tripped to phobia, but like tripopophobia, the phobia of holes or like there's one of those perfect circles that are that that is scary. And I had a little bit of this as a kid.

I remember that there was some something on our windshield when I was a kid made when the car fogged up, it left these perfect little thoughts that gave me like they freaked me out so badly when and they were they looked like that whole, like these perfect little things. And so when I that was what my eye went to. It was a contest. It was like spider with tail or or a little hole it the next BuzzFeed dress.

It's like, what do you see? Do you see a freakish ancient spider with like a ten ft on tail or? Do you see the hole that it's emerging from? Your fear of perfect circle? It sounds like some some gingi

edo stuff. Yeah, Yeah, there was this image that I saw on the internet many years ago that went around That is where I learned about the thing that's the fear of little holes um which was like a lotus pod you know, do you know what a lotus look had kind of and yeah, someone photo shopped it onto a human breast so that it looked like there was a breast that had just like all these holes in it. And it was like the scariest thing I'd ever seen.

And even when it was like demystified as like this is a photoshop, it's not a real picture, it's like this thing, but it was just like somebody just started putting lotus pod like transposed on like human faces and things. It was the scariest body horror thing I've ever seen. I feel like they that, yeah, we link to it.

I feel like they use your batty Valentine's Day. I feel like they use a photo like that um in one of those um what's it called, like those adsibles that are like, yeah, it's a really weird trick, or this one food you should never eat and it's like a finger with a little bunch of little tiny holes in it. It's so scary, exactly. Yeah, And the spider picture, every time I opened the text to you, I kept seeing the spider again and being like, but well, speaking

of holes, can we talk about poles? Perfect? That is the best transition we will ever have on this show, so welcome. So UM, first of all, if you're not already, you shouldn't be following Nightcall on Twitter at Nightcall pod on Twitter dot com. UM. And to kick things off on our first date, UM sort of related to I mean related to our interests in general, but also related to UM the episode of Molly's Sleazy Friends that we

did together. UM that was posted basically right after I think the day after the first Night Call episode was published, and definitely go check that out. UM. We discussed the polls. We discussed the North Pole and the South Pole, Antarctica and the Arctic, and which was our favorite and the pluses, the pros and cons of each and UM, we decided to put it to you, the listeners, to decide which pulls the best poll and uh, we're at six hundred and nineties seven votes right now. UM, so thank you

all for letting your voice be heard. And the winner, it was a fifty five to The winner is the South pol. I knew it. I knew it too. I honestly, the South Pole is just it's a crowd pleaser. Everybody loves everybody loves Antarctica. You're right about polar bears. The polar bears are cool bears. Whatever. Arctic foxes and polar bears are just the best. Also, animals are great. But just because a bear is blonde, you know what I mean? Like, no, no, Um,

the other better than a brown bear. The other the other Arctic animal that we should have brought up. That Um. I would be remiss if I didn't mention, because all all Arctic animals are hardcore and somewhere another in a way that a penguin cannot can never approach. Penguins are too soft and cute. Um. The other is um the greenland shark. Y'all know about a greenland shark? Go on, Uh, you don't know about greenland sharks. They can live to

be up to like eight years old. They are like the oldest um evolutionary form of shark that is still alive. So they look like they are made of rocks. They look like some first draft of a shark. I love stuff like that, like the spider with a tail, Yes exactly.

And they um, they swim around in the dark um for hundreds of years and uh, they attract this this parasite, this worm that lives on their eyeball, so they're mostly blind throughout their lives because these worms live in their eyes and they just chill in the dark and float around and look for food and like barely move. Um, this is like an under we're looking at it now, you've got to look at it. No, no, Um, it's the oldest vertebrate animal. Yeah, what's with its wire? Its

teeth that way? Um, because it's a first draft, like a total first draft exactly, they're figuring it out. No needs. Definitely go google a picture of a greenland shark there. Um, they're really they look if you've seen a dog fish, just imagine a dog fish, but really big and like all funked up looking. And if you don't want to look at it now, don't worry because it will be the last thing you see before you die. Uh. Let's

do some listener questions. We got some good ones. Thank you guys for for giving us your questions and thoughts, and as always, please call us at one to four oh four six night if you would like to leave a question yourself. But we got some good ones. Especially we were talking last week about um Instagram listening to us, and uh, it's always good to know We're not alone on this on this particular island. Um, should we roll

the first one? I think from Dylan, our friend Dylan. Yeah, I think I called the right number, Dylan, leaving you a nightcall. Um, So something about targeted. Have I've said something about how I was very upset that there's a new Coke it's Coke zero, replacing the old perfect Folk zero. And then I got an add on Twitter that was like, Dylan, there's someone else and awesome have an awesome uh someone else not the name Christ or something who also didn't.

I wasn't ready for the new Coke zero to come out, but look at this video we made that convinced them. And that was when I threw my phone into the ocean. And uh, I'm calling you from a tin camp. Thanks for coming back? Ye. Well, I appreciate this call because it's uh it combines two of my favorite things, which is uh u Instagram conspiracies or social media conspiracies and Coke zero. Um r I p actual Coke zero because what did they do to Coke zero? How did they

reach history? They kind of changed the formula and they called it and now it's called Coke zero. Sugar the way it's been in Europe and I think Japan for a while. Um, And I never really liked Coke zero. I couldn't put my finger on it. I never liked it in Europe that much. And now we just have European Coke zero. I think this is it's the only soda I drink, and I'm very I'm very I can sense it's it's uh, it's peculiarities. So, um, I is it? What is it Stevia? Like? What did they put in it?

Do you know? I'm not going to Stevia to know if it was Stevia. I we got a headache from it. Almost all of those artificial sweeteners give me a headache, but Cooke zero it's not. Um, So I'm I'm in I'm in Dylan's boat. I was. I was feeling the same way. I probably had a conversation like that about how I I didn't I didn't want the Coke zero. Um, that's really weird that I never got any of those ads.

But so they made an ad. They made an ad that targeted him saying like, hey, we heard that you're not into this, Hey Dylan, So we got another one. Um that was from our friend Douglas and it was a screenshot of an Instagram I'll read it, he says. I've attached a screenshot of an Instagram ad uh that I got over my phone over her my coworkers talk about sign language one day. I've also gotten ads related to things mentioned on podcasts I've listened to. So that's

happened to us. That's happened to us too. We're going to solve this, you guys, we're gonna have this cut. Um, your mic is always on, I think is the Yeah, well, there's a way. I think that there's a guide somewhere to like at least minimizing or changing the options so that you have less of that. You can take away the permissions, but then you can't make an Instagram video

with sound if you're right once turned off. Um, that's the thing is you assume that it's like when you give it, when you grant a permission to your mic, that you're like for videos, and it's like for any taking that at your word, Now one of our batteries, I'll run out so fast. They're like always running the microphone.

Well at least they admitted to that too, being like, oh yeah, we do totally slow iPhones down when oh, yeah, you upgrade the OS so that you'll have to buy anyone was so numb, but that was so gratifying to hear when that came out. I remember telling that. I think guy was home with my mom when that news came out or I saw that like on Twitter or whatever, and I like told her, I was like, Mom, they just confirmed they are slowing down your phone. Um, I

just well. There was also that creepiece was in the New York Times, and I think it was by John Herman about the death of his like five year old iPad. Oh no, did you guys really? I didn't really sad, and like point, it was just about how it still functioned. But it functioned so slowly that like you would have

no idea looking at it. It was like in Christine condition, and it had been held by like you know, his family members and people who had died, and all this time had gone by, but it showed no evidence of

ever having been a human possession. And then it was just kind of like becoming obsolete, and it, you know, just useless because the world was moving on with it was depressing, but it wasn't then it was just it was just slowing down because Apple needed it to slow down so that he'd have to buy another iPad right, well exactly, yeah, exactly, but also that it could it couldn't update like it was. Yeah, like Apple was just kind of icing it out, I mean moving it into

the assisted living Molly. I know, until very recently was still rolling with a iPhone for us or something. Is that what you had? Yeah, I just never update the OS. Yeah, well that's what does it when you when you update the OS? Because um, because David also still has a four S I think, and he updated. He was forced to update at some point, and yeah, I was forced to update eventually on the phone I have now. And also I was like, okay, fine, now I can use

the avocado emojis. Um, let's take another question. Okay, wait, so I really am eager to answer the one about mailing mushrooms, but I'm not eager for us to give our opinions. But I did some research. Well, let don't know the answer, so let's uh, let's read I can read it if you want. Yeah, why don't you? And well and all of this, of course, you should never do anything illegal. It would be a mistake. Yeah, We'll preface all of this by um by saying that don't

don't do anything illegal. Um. All right, So a subject line, and this is from Jeff says, uh, best practices for mailing shrooms. Hello, asking for a friend, of course, and and a bit time sensitive. But how stupid would it be to try to send magic mushrooms through the mail? I'm going camping later this month and want to imbibe, And the only way to do that so that I can think of, is to mail them to the friend

I'm meeting ahead of time. The friend in question doesn't have access herself, and God forbid, we immerse, we immerse ourselves in nature, soberly parentheses. This is my favorite part of the email. This is not a phantom thread situation. You guys haven't seen phantom thread yet, but you'll appreciate look forward to know what that means. We'll talk about it next week. If you were in my position, how would you approach this dilemma? Thank you for your help

with this very pressing matter. Um. Well, I I'll just give my two cents and then I'll let Test address it, because tested the research, because she is the gray smith. Um. But that's what I'm saying she does the research and she brings in notes. It's great, it's been very busy woman. I have no time for that. I would say, don't that. And I'm not saying that to be a nark. I'm

just saying that I would not if I were. Okay, now that Emily's outed herself as a nark, so I would also I would never be able to bring myself to do it. But if I were to bring myself to do it, then I would probably look at the all the mushroom boards available on the internet. So I did that for our friend, and I found from shrewmery dot org. You can't imagine how long I had to search to find the answers to this question. Kids are going to be really good for a long time. So excited.

Um so from shroomery dot org the question was, and I'm just gonna I don't know, like some of these I think we're from like two thousand six, and so I'm just gonna say, like these people were like very lazy in the questioning and answering that they were doing on this message board, probably because they had just done some shrooms. Question quote, well, what would be safe to with an extra mail and eighth of shrooms in the mail. Best answer was it had like a Nabokov quality, like

picnic lightning, peanut butter, comma care package. The alternative suggested, think I'm going to put them in gel caps, then in some kind of container that used to have herbs in it, with a note saying here's the herbs your grandma wanted for her arthritis. It's fool proof. Ground up shrooms look like look like herbs for show. Sketchy answer would be powder them and put them in an envelope. They need a federal warrant to open those, but they can open a package more easily. And then there's a

whole debate about first classmate ale versus private carrier. And then someone suggests to put them in chocolate, and then also have some kind of a note along the lines of like here's some delicious chocolate that has herbs in it, and I was like that sounds good, and then from Reddit's shroom's board, uh yeah, they were just like, you know, put it in chocolate, put it and make something chunky. And I would say the peanut butter would be my would be my um go too. If I had to

choose any of us. And I would say, a friend of mine traveled across country, um, through states that are not four twenty friendly, and my friend put um marijuana in a plastic baggie and then put it in a shampoo bottle, and uh, there was a leak in the bag and so my friend ended up smoking pot that was like you know, suave enhanced, which is just terrible experience reporting to my friend and it definitely I was like, that's not the way I know, my poor friend. For him,

my friend who's male and uses swave. You know, a friend of mine transported mushrooms crustrate lines okay recently, pretty recently for uh she was coming. I won't give you any details, um, but I don't remember if she mailed them or if she brought them like on her body through airport security, which is like even scarier seeming to me. But she did successfully transport them from one state to another with seemingly no problems that I imagine lots of

hippies have thought about this and have ideas there was someone. Um. So apparently mushrooms are very effective treatment for cluster headaches, because I was when I was googling something that came up was like a cluster headaches for them, and they were like, you know you, if you really don't want to like do that, you should just buy mushroom spores

and like grow your on. I was just like, what, my psychedelics are good for all kinds of things, but the government invented them, and then I won't let people have them because they know Backsey's government. Um, they're always like almost being brought into psychiatry, and probably not right now under this current administration. But they they do have some purpose, you know, some some legit medicinal purposes besides

making nature look even cooler than it already is. Um. I want to say that my my real advice would be if you can get mushroom chocolates or put put it in chocolate or peanut butter. That seems probably like the best idea to transport it in food, because like who could tell, and you would obviously not want to use your real name or address actual return just in case. I just think if that were if you were risking it again started advice that that would be the footnote

of the advice. We also, yeah, I also knew someone whose mom went to jail for sending cocaine from Australia, So so really don't do it, you know, but maybe do chocolate if you're doing it, but don't do it. Don't do it. But if you're going to enjoy natures where we can see, let us know how it was to or drive nature. Nature is also good nature and camping basically have to drive or enjoy nature, like, those are your choices. I feel in life, um and enjoyed it.

So do we have any more questions today? I think that was well, we did have one, but I don't We're not. I don't right, We're not going to answer that question. We as for se. We also had a movie related question that we're going to address. We'll get to that next week. So thank tight, um cool, thanks

for listening to Night Call. Oh yeah, and also if if you enjoy Night Call, would you please rate, subscribe, and review so that we can we can continue our dominant rule of all those stars that we are so grateful to have, and be sure to follow us on every social media platform you can think of, even the ones that listen to you. We're on Twitter at Nightcall Pod, We're on Instagram at Nightcall podcast, and we're on Facebook at Nightcall podcast as well. Yes man, yeah so, UM

follow us on any and all of them. Um, try to guess which of us is running each because one of us is running each of them. And that's about it this week. Thank you to Audio Boom for hosting us, thank you to our producer Ben Hosley for making us sound like angels, and yeah, we'll be back next week. See you then,