An example is gosh for God or fudge for fuck. I've heard of that. Sure, yeah. I mean, we've all done it because if you're around kids, you can't just say fucking God, fuck, motherfucker, fucking asshole, right? You have to say something else. Not that I've ever thought that. Welcome to Nice Ashes. Join hosts Mike and Nate for cigars and culture. Let's go beyond the smoke. What are we smoking today, Nate? We are smoking a Schizotoro Maduro. And we smoked the Schizotoro
earlier. And this is the Maduro variety. And I still, I really enjoy their label with like the paintbrush stroke and the skull and different shades. And it's very nicely done. The packaging is excellent. Yes. I'm actually quite excited about this one because we enjoyed the regular one, and this is the Maduro version. Yeah, I'm excited. I'm pairing mine with Henry McKenna 10 -year single barrel Kentucky bourbon yet again.
No way. I am pairing mine yet again, and I'm waiting for the listener to chime in, if they remember from last episode, the Falling Knife Verbal Tip, which is a hazy India pale ale. There we go. Off the bat, I like it better already. Yes, it's quite nice so far. Certainly better than the Don Raphael. Yes, yes. Oh, yeah. What are we talking about, Mike? I don't know. It's your topic. Okay. What are we talking about? Check this out. Conspiracy theory. White Earp.
Big Nose Kate. Buckle up. Here we go. No, I'm just kidding. We're going to talk about something completely different, but it is kind of sort of related to a previous episode we did. With the algo speak. But we're going to go backwards in time. You ready for that, Mike? Perfect. Going back to the future. Marty. Okay. We're going to talk, and you let me know if you've heard of this before, Mike. I'm sure you have. An educated fellow as yourself. We're going to talk about
minced oaths. Minced oaths? Oaths. Not something you do in your kitchen. Minced oaths. It's a weird phrase. I would almost rather it be called like minced curses or something because that's basically what you're doing. Have you heard this term before, Mike? That is not what I expected based on the title that I received in my email, but that is okay. Well, the title only has to do with a funny play on the cigar name. It doesn't necessarily have to do with the episode topic.
There we go. So I email Mike the invite for the, I don't know, the online. recording thing, right? And I just put in funny subject lines sometimes. And they don't really have to do with the topic. It has to do with the cigar. So this is like the Schizotoro Maduro. So I put Skibbity Toilet in because it's kind of close -ish. I don't know. Trying to be young and hip. Anyway, what do you do? Do you know what a minced oath is, Mike? I do not. Oh, okay. Good. This will be a fun
episode. I mean, they're all fun, to be fair. Except for that edition especial. That one was mostly the cigar, though. All right. So we've got a term. The term for replacing curse words with other words or phrases is a euphemism. And euphemism is mostly people now associate with sexual connotation, right? Euphemism. Oh, yeah. But when you're specifically trying to avoid profanity, it's called a minced oath. So it's
a subgenre of the euphemism. which I would imagine algo -speak kind of sort of is, immense oath is an expression formed by deliberately misspelling, mispronouncing, or replacing part of a profane, blasphemous, or taboo word or phrase to reduce the original term's objectionable characteristics. An example is gosh, for God, or fudge. For fuck, I've heard of that. Sure, yeah. I mean, we've all done it, because if you're around kids, you can't just say fucking, god, fuck, motherfucker,
fucking asshole, right? You have to say something else. Not that I've ever thought that. So a lot of languages have these. English, almost every profanity has a variant, right? Where you can say it in whatever. But we're going to get into a little bit of the history, and then we're going to get into the meat and potatoes, the fun part of the episode, where we're just going to read off the list of a lot of these minced oaths.
And some of them I've heard of before and I've used, and some of them I'm like, what is that even about? What the fudge is that even about? So here's something, and I don't know why I do these episodes where there's people in here with names that I can't pronounce, and then Mike's going to make fun of me again. But there's a Cretan king, Rodamanthus. Does that sound about right, Mike? Robamanthus? What? Rodamanthus.
Okay. Rodamanthus? I don't know, whatever. Socrates favored the Ramadanthine oath by the dog, with the dog often interpreted as referring to the bright dog star or, you know, Sirius. Aristophanes mentions that people used to swear by the birds instead of by the gods, adding that the soothsayer Lampon still swears by the goose whenever he's going to cheat you. Since no god was called upon, Lampon may have considered this oath safe to break. So it goes way back into the ancient times.
Where nowadays we don't really do oaths anymore, right? Sure. I mean, I guess like it's more of like a legal phrase now instead of, you know, he gave me his word. You don't really say like he gave me his oath and he broke his oath and blah, blah, blah. Apparently there might be some minced oaths in the Bible. There's some Hebrew words like gazelles and wild does. I can't read these, but if we had Sima on here, he would tell us exactly how to pronounce these other words.
Different versions of titles for God. And the use of mince oaths in English dates back to at least the 14th century when Gog and Cock, K -O -K -K, not the other one, ladies, calm down, were both euphemisms for God. And they were... and they were fairly popular at the time, back in the 14th century. We also have some early minced oaths for Gis, with a G -I -S or J -I -S, for Jesus, dating to about 1528. This one
is right up your alley here, Mike. The late Elizabethan drama contains a profusion of minced oaths due to Puritan opposition to swearing. So seven new minced oaths were first recorded between 1598 and 1602. including sblood, s -b -l -o -o -d, for by God's blood, from Shakespeare, slight, for God's light, from Ben Johnson, and snails, for God's nails, from the historian John Hayward. Swearing on stage was officially banned by the Act to Restrain Abuses of Players in 1606, and
a general ban on swearing followed in 1623. There are some other examples from the 1650s, including slid, By God's eyelid, I guess, which is, you know, very holy. Sfut, by God's foot. Gadzooks, for by God's hooks, which refers to the nails on Christ's cross. And in the late 17th century, E -God meant O -God, which was also made popular in The Music Man. There's odds bodkins, which means by God's bodkins, which I guess bodkins is a term for nails. So some of this stuff is
really, really old. Oh, yeah. All right. And so in some cases, some of these minced oaths, like nobody knows anymore what they mean or what they were short for. So it's just a fun little thing. We're not going super deep or anything super cerebral. But we're going to go through some of these and try and figure out if we've heard them, seen them, whatever, used them maybe. We've got Struth, which means by God's truth,
it came to be spelled S -T -R -E -W -T -H. Another one is Zounds, and that's related to wounds. Maybe it's pronounced Zunes. I don't know. I've heard that Dr. Seuss is really supposed to be pronounced Dr. Zeuss to rhyme with choice. But again, I'm no historian, so how would I know? I guess there was a great vowel shift at some point, but the normal word wound did not. So they don't really sound like their original meaning. So zound wouldn't sound like wound in the sense
of, you know, by God's wounds. So if you have zound, I guess at the time you might have pronounced it zooned, but there's apparently a great vowel shift. I don't know anything about that. Do you know anything about that, Mike? No, I do not. I do not. I do know between like, what, the 14th century and now, there's been some linguistic drift. Yes, absolutely. Right, Brian Herbert? Rackus. Went to Rackus. Yeah, Rackus. Okay. So there's a playwright in 1593, Christopher Marlowe,
and he used zounds as an exclamation. Zounds he'll raise up a kennel of diules. Whatever the actual fuck that means. I don't know. Dogs, maybe? I don't know. What the fuck? I don't know. Who knows? I mean, that's, you know, some of the stuff has kind of lost the time, in a sense. I'm sure some... etymologist. If you're listening, I apologize for my ignorance. But again, we're not trying to go super deep into this. It's just
supposed to be a lot of fun. So the term bloody, which everybody's heard of, bloody, first recorded as the British now use it in 1540. And it didn't, I guess it didn't originally have religious connotation. And it was centuries later that it was ascribed to one potentially standing in for by her lady and God's blood. thus becoming somewhat of an
adopted minced oath. And bloody is kind of the most controversial of the entire list that I have, because some people... claim that it's by her lady in reference to the Virgin Mary. Some think it means by God's blood, and some think it is related to the female's menstrual cycle. So that's kind of the most controversial one, and I guess depending on who you're talking to, if they're curious at all about the origins of it. I mean, a lot of people use fuck and they
don't care where it came from, right? It's a curse word, you know, something you say when you're frustrated or what have you. You're not really going to find a lot of people that say bloody that actually care where it came from. But if you do, that one's a little bit controversial, at least in the origin sense. Tracking with all
this, Mike? Yes, I am following. Sure. I mean, so many of these things, if you watch any PG or PG -13 movie these days, like almost all of these we're going to get, we're going to hit. We're going to hit most of these. I guess we're going to hit Crikey. And raspberry. It's on the list. It's on the list, man. GDMF. Maybe. Maybe.
It's one of my favorites. We'll see. And that's going to be the thing at the end is if there's any that aren't on this list that either of us know of, we'll add them and then we'll have the full complete list here on Nice Ashes, the podcast. So gosh. I'm excited. Gosh darn it. Me too. Gosh darn it all. Gosh. Stands for God. G stands for Jesus. And that's G -E -E. Jeez. Jesus again. Golly. God again. Gosh darn it. God damn it. Darn. Damn. Dang or dang nabbit. Damn or god
damn it. They're going to play this back in hell, aren't they? And they're going to tell me, this is why you're here. I'm sorry. They're going to play this back in heck, aren't they? Heck equals hell. Shoot. Equals shit. So, you know, we say, oh, shoot. It's really shit. Sugar is shit. Fudge is fuck. Which is, you know, Christmas story. Except they didn't say fudge. They said the mother of all curse words. All right. Frick, freaking, frigging is all fuck. Fucking or fucking.
Right? And frack. Yeah, and frack. And feck. And feck. And feck. You are correct. We've got crikey. And crikey Moses is Christ. Jiminy Cricket. Jesus Christ. Jeepers Creepers, also Jesus Christ. Blimey is God blind me. British origin by Jove is by God, and Jove is the Roman god Jupiter. Zounds is God's wounds, which we talked about. Godzooks, which I feel like a fair number of people still say. I don't. I said a fair number of people. I didn't say you, Mike. A fair number.
That's like a Trump statement. It's nebulous at best. A fair number. Hey, there's a lot of people out in this world. There's a lot of people out there. Some of them say certain things. A lot of them say Godzooks. The best of them. The best of them say Godzooks. Most of them say Godzooks. My doctor told me nobody said Godzooks more than I have. And I say it a lot. I say it more than anybody else. But the people that like me, and I like them, also say Godzooks. God's hooks.
And it's kind of a strange one to me because it's like God's hooks. Like that's the most literal interpretation of the crucifixion nails. you could possibly have. Yeah, I've heard that. I think I've heard you say that before, to be honest with you. Godzooks? Yeah. Okay. You know what? I'm going to phone a friend. Heath, can you tell me what other episodes of Nice Ashes I've said Godzooks in? Okay, and we'll wait for this later. This will come out later. But, okay. I don't
know if I've ever said Godzooks. But again, I feel that I've never said bro. Non -sarcastically, but then suddenly you start saying bro and it's non -sarcastic. So things just kind of work their way into your lexicon. They do. Which is either cool or frustrating, but tough to say. Tough to say what? Meh. I can tell Mike's excited. Odds Bodkins. Have you ever heard anybody that has said Odds Bodkins? I just did. Twice. You did? I just heard it twice. Oh, sure. Two times
is the charm. Two times is the charm. I can't even say it myself. Fuck. Let's make it three. Odds bodkins apparently means God's body in some kind of like degradation of pig Latin, I guess. Odds fish. Odds fish. Have you gone down to the dock to check on odds fish? Probably not because it apparently means God's flesh. These are, you know, I guess like they all come kind of from what, the 1400s? 14th century? Dude, there's
some. fucking english author who had to deal with extreme censorship who had to make up this nonsense oh i'm sure well and i don't even know if that was some author i mean it probably was probably some author but you know what it probably was was like oprah's book club in the 1500s right and they're like oh this is so scandalous we can't say this word we have to come up with odds and bodkins or they'll they'll know what it means yes we'll all know what it means we're in the
same book club Alexander Pope is making up some shit. I mean, say what you want, but we can have a podcast where we can actually just say, fuck it. Right. Yeah. And also reference Alexander Pope. Well, that too. That too. That's not lost on me. I've decided I have to smoke my cigar more and read less and talk less. All right. Buy gum. By gum. By God. Do you want to hear a real wild one, Mike? Oh, I am ready. I'm so ready. By golly. Also means by God. Also means
by God. I can see you. I can picture you. I can tell you're fanning yourself. You got the vapors. It is three quarters right now. Three quarters of the way. Yes. Yes. Yes. By cracky. I've heard that. Yeah. By Christ. But it says possibly. So it's one of those ones where it's a. I mean, some of these are so old. I mean, most of these are so old, but a lot of them, and we said at the top where it's like a lot of the meanings of these potentially are lost to time. So it's
anyone's guess, but Jiminy Christmas. I've heard that one. Jiminy Christmas. Jesus Christ. Criminy. Christ. Land sakes. Lord's sake. And I, I mean, I'm an atheist, so, but like Lord's sake, I don't, I guess it's potential. I guess it's a swear. I don't know. There's worse ones, for sure. I don't know. I just let her fly. You know, if I'm going to do the cursing, I just go all out, I guess. I mean, you got to. You got to. Otherwise, what's the point? Like, you're not being taken
seriously, for sure. No. Locks? L -A -W -K -S. Means Lord? If anyone's doing that, I'm going to tell them to go back in time to where they came from, I guess, because that's not one I've ever seen or heard, for sure. No, I thought you were talking about lakes in Scotland for a second. Oh, yeah, yeah, the locks. The Loch Ness Monster. No, not that. For Pete's sake. Learn American, you know? Learn American, all that lock business. Do that in your own country, not Scotland. Keep
those locks out of here. This is America. Yeah, this is America. It's a lake or it's a pond. Yeah, that lake is now American. Why did you put your lake in America? Why did you put that oil? Why did you put American oil underneath your land? That was unwise. Yeah, yeah. If you put that oil under a lock, I can't mine it. Or is it mine it? I can't mine it. Not really mining. They drill for it. Yeah. Anyway, I was gonna make a whole big thing, but now I'm not going
to because I fucking lost it. For Pete's sake. For God's sake. Pete stands in as God. And as we all know, Jesus had a good buddy named Peter. They had land parties together and things. Son of a gun. Son of a bitch. I don't really know that, like, it's weird because bitch means a female dog and bitch is not offensive if. referring to a female dog. But if referring to a female human, it's offensive. But it's one of those
weird things. And I often refer back to like the movies and things because that's where maybe a lot of societal stuff comes from and cultural stuff comes from where a PG -13 movie can have one fuck, but it can't be motherfucker. It can't, the fuck can't be used in a sexual sense to be a PG -13 movie. They can use fuck, but it can't be a sexual fuck. Because fuck is very diverse. It is. So you can theoretically say bitch as many times as you want if you're referring to
a dog. But again, it's one of those ones where it's like, son of a bitch, is that? I don't know. Some people get really offended by it. Everybody has their own kind of like offensive meters. So I'm not trying to say it's not offensive. I'm just, you know what I mean? All I know is that it's a routine part of rap music, or at least it was when I heard rap music. Playing loud. When you heard it. You weren't the one playing it. Somebody else was playing it. You
just happened to be in the vicinity. Well, I'm not a rap connoisseur by any stretch of the imagination. Sure, sure. I no longer go to parties where rap music is played. Mike's mother. Mike is a wholesome boy. Don't listen to any of these words he says on the podcast. My mother is a big fan of Uncle Cracker. Well, and honestly, she could be now because he was like. He went country and then he got soft. Whatever. I don't know. We're not talking about Uncle Cracker. Anyway. Son of a
gun, Mike. Son of a gun. I'm sorry, Mike's mom. You're lovely. Mother of Pearl. And it's funny because this one has like, it says motherfucker, but the U, C, and K are asterisks. Are you talking about fucking minced oaths? I have some balls. Motherfucker. Just say motherfucker. Mother of Pearl. Motherfucker. Here's one made popular by Family Guy. What the deuce. I have heard that said by Stewie. Yeah, Stewie's the only one that says it. What the devil. I don't... What the
devil. I mean, I... Okay, if I was in, you know, 1500 and said what the devil, I guess I'd maybe be burned at the stake. But in today's society, I don't know that anywhere, if you said what the devil, I don't know that anyone anywhere... Outside of the Sharia law stuff, I don't know that you'd really be... I don't know that anyone would really bat an eye. You know what I mean? Mormons. Mormons. For sure. I said real religions, Mike. Methodist, Catholic, Episcopalian. They'd
be upset at me for saying, what, the devil? No. No, they would not. They're also not the people that say, heckin'. Yeah, they don't say heckin' either. I mean, the Mormons do edgings. No, what is it? Soaking. They do soaking. Soaking, yeah. Great way to involve the homies in my sex life, I guess, right? There we go. Balderdash. I've heard this quite a bit, but not from actual living people, but maybe more from Saturday morning cartoons. Yeah, I've heard it, but only in comedic
context. Yeah. I mean, it's bullshit. That's what it means. Horse feathers. It means horseshit. Here's one nobody could ever figure out. H -E double hockey sticks. I don't know what that means. Impossible. It's cryptic. Some kind of ancient Egyptian hieroglyph. It means hell. What does a hockey stick even look like? I have no idea. It's a deep question. Sam Hill. I've heard Sam Hill quite a bit. Not really in real life, but again, like the cartoons from the 50s and
60s or whatever. Yeah, Yosemite Sam. Yeah. Yeah. Cotton picking minute. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're not talking about cotton picking at all. That has nothing to do with this. Stop it. Stop it. Sam Hill is a euphemism for the devil or hell. Shucks. You hear shucks all the time. It means shit. It means shit. Where are you at with your cigar, Mike? I'm halfway, I would say. Yeah, me too. Me too. What do you think? I like it. It's not crazy good. Mine is like kind of. Difficult
to keep lit. It wants to go out. Dude, I have relit this thing like two or three times. So it's not just you. And they've been stored in separate humidors for God knows how long. I'm sorry. Years. Yeah, potentially. Geez knows how long. I don't know. Yeah, I don't know. And mine had some weird kind of like cracking at the nearish, the, what do we call the end we smoke on, Mike? The tip? Is the tip the other end? I would say the butt. The cap. The butt? The cap. Yeah, I'll
call it the butt. The foot is the end. I know that you later on. Okay. Yeah, burn the foot. God, minced oaths, man. They're everywhere. They're pervasive. They're pervasive. That's a bunch of horse hockey. That's a bunch of phooey. You gummed it all up. You gummed it all up. Yeah. Yeah, that's what she said. All right. So rats means damn or shit, I guess. I don't know. Why? Why? I don't know why. You would think rats, and you'd just say, oh, it was a curse they did
in the Black Plague time. And everybody would be like, okay. How about rats are bad, so you say the bad thing. I don't know how you get dam or shit out of rats, and my dam or shit is somehow worse than Black Plague carrying rats. I don't know. The only people I've ever met who liked rats were fucking freaks. Like my fifth grade teacher, you know? Like, get that shit away from me. Ooh, I remember her. She was hot. No, I'm just kidding. She was a nun. Am I wrong, Donnie?
Am I wrong? No, I've known some people that have had pet rats and... You're not wrong. They're freaky. They're freakish. Not like circus freakish, but they're people that you can imagine some colorful sex lives from, I guess. Oh, my God. It's like people that keep snakes. Yeah. I mean, that's a fair assessment, right? Like, if you have snakes or rats as a pet, you're probably into some shit in the bedroom. I don't know for a fact. I don't know for a fact. But you come
off that way. I dated a girl that had two boa constructors as pets. And how was she? Big nose Kate? She wasn't into anal or animals. Well, as far as we know, neither was big nose Kate. That was big nose Kate Jewish. Moving right along from that sidebar. Phooey. Means fuck. Or general disgust. But mostly fuck. Cracky, cracky Moses. I think we talked about that one. Is Christ jumping Jehoshaphat? Have you heard that one, Mike? Jumping Jehoshaphat? Cartoony, yeah. Cartoons or some
version of the comedy, yes. I heard that somewhere. I don't remember where. It could have been anywhere, really. It says, it claims, it's a mild replacement for Jesus. Though I don't know why. I don't know who Jehoshaphat was. I don't know why he was jumping. Do you know who Jehoshaphat was? You know, I went to school with him for a while, but I didn't really know him. Yeah, he always had some dank weed, but... He was really good friends with Jebus. They like to masticate together.
Oh, fuck yeah, I love masticating. Masticating is my fave. Especially in groups. Yeah, yeah. Well, did you know, and this has nothing to do with mastication, but did you know that in Wisconsin, if you have three people in a room and they're all barefoot... It's legally an orgy. They don't have to be engaging in anything. It's just if you have three people barefoot in a room, it's an orgy. I did not know that. I had orgies so often at my house in the summertime. Well, I
think I was there for one of them. I'm pretty sure you've been there at least one time. Yeah, we purposely did this in our high school, one of our high school break rooms. My buddies and I took off our shoes so we could say we had an orgy in high school. On our lunch break, of course, because you can't steal from the state while we're learning. On our free time. So Jehoshaphat was the son of Azzah, the fourth king of the kingdom of Judah. His children included Jeroham,
and his mother was Azuba. This is basically reading fucking Genesis, dude. Fuck that guy. I hate him. Okay, the next one also has to do with Jehoshaphat, who was apparently famous back in fuck knows when. I'm sorry, back in fudge knows when. Jehoshaphat's ghost means Jesus or God. But Jehoshaphat was not God or Jesus. So I don't know who Jehoshaphat was, but I hate him already. And I don't really hate people ever, but I don't like Jehoshaphat. Don't know what his deal is. Don't know what
he stands for. Don't know whose side he's on. Whose side is he on? You tell me, Mike. I guess the side of the Jewish people. So is that pro -Israel or? Oh, you know he'd be way pro -Israel. Wait, wait, I just got a tweet from Jehoshaphat. He says he loves Elon Musk. He's sad he's leaving the Trump administration. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Free Palestine. Okay. Oh, hey. That's spicier than what I was going to say. Now I'm silent. I have nothing to say. That is a spicy take.
And that one's going to fucking stay in. That one's going to fudge and stay in. Oh, man. We're going to be in trouble now. Yeah. Jehoshaphat, come at me, bro. Okay, this one is like four and one. But they all mean the same thing. Holy mackerel, holy cow, holy smokes, holy Toledo. And I think holy Toledo is from like probably the 1300s when Toledo was a place. I'm teasing. It means holy shit or holy Christ. I don't know. I feel like Toledo, Toledo is what? Toledo, Ohio?
Is there another Toledo? There can't be another Toledo. Well, probably so. I'm getting a guess that there has to be at least one. I mean, there's a York and there's a New York, so there's got to be a Holy Toledo. Fiddlesticks. Frustration possibly replacing fuck or shit. I don't know why I wouldn't just replace fucking shit. Fiddlesticks, fucking shit. That'd be my vote. But I'm not the guy that decides history in the past from the future or present. Okay, here's some good
ones coming up here. Snickerdoodle. I'm not going to tell you. We're going to move on from that one. Fart knocker or butt monkey. It says insults. Yeah, it says insults without strong profanity. But we all know it's like fucking in the ass, right? Like fart knocker. You're knocking that fart with your dick, dude. In somebody's ass. Butt monkey. Buggery. Yeah, you can't say insults without strong profanity. It means fucking someone in the ass is what it means. The fuck are you
talking about? Like, of course. It's fucking anal sex. It's fucking in the asshole. That's what it means. I always thought that calling somebody a fart knocker was calling them a homosexual. Well. Because you're calling them a butt fucker. 50 % of the time. A lot of other people enjoy anal sex besides homosexuals, Mike. That is true. I'm not denying anybody's personal pleasures or anything like that. I'm just saying that you're calling somebody a sodomite. It's similar to
calling somebody a motherfucker. Like, you're calling them an incestuous individual, you know? I don't know that that's true. What? It's like being called the son of a whore, right? Well, the son of a whore, but you're not fucking your mom, Oedipus. Well, motherfucker is you're fucking your mom, you know? Well, understandably, but not like anal intercourse is not incestuous, but it could be homosexual. Yeah, it has negative connotations from a previous time. For sure.
Crud. Criminy and crikey. Our vague euphemisms. And I'm sure anything on our list that starts with a C means only one thing, right, Mike? Does it mean shit? I think it means fuck. Oh. I'm sorry, Christ. It means Christ. Crud means Christ, but crud is like dirt. Is crud not shit? Is Christ not shit? I thought crud was shit. Christ returns as shit. And three days later was rejuvenated as a dandelion. Oh, you're lucky that there aren't any extremist Christians alive that are going
to fucking hunt you down for that. Come at me, bro. You're not going to have to be Salman Rushdie -ed into fucking secrecy or whatever. Shut the front door. I mean, shut the fuck up. This one is super lame. This one shouldn't even be a thing. What the what? And it translates to what the hell or what the fuck. I feel like some of these things... And we've talked about softening of language before. And we swear quite a bit on this podcast, for sure. But we're also enjoying
some beverages and the cigar. And you have different conversations when you're smoking a cigar and you're enjoying some beverages, which we talked about with Keith. And if you're a person that doesn't swear a lot... and you're trying to say what the fuck, you probably shouldn't say what the what. You should probably leverage all the times you didn't swear and just say what the fuck, because it will make people take note and listen more than they will with what the what.
Now, I'm not saying do this at work. I'm not really saying do this at all, but do you, I mean, Mike, if you're talking to somebody and you're not somebody that swears all the time, right? You're not somebody like boondock saints. You're not saying fuck every other word. When somebody who doesn't swear a lot swears, I kind of listen more. You know what I mean? Like, they're obviously very passionate about this. I think the emphasis or the intention or the seriousness of the thing,
it's not really offensive. It's just, oh, holy fuck, they care about this a lot. You know what I mean? Yes, I do. I had a former coworker who... had an outburst one time, and I could definitely tell that he was upset because he didn't say anything bad ever about anybody or anything. And I could tell that he needed some assistance with this problem. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Yeah, he needed some help, for sure. No doubt. Yes.
Son of a biscuit or a biscuit eater. Now, I don't, again, like, I don't know that biscuit eater is the same. As son of a biscuit. Because son of a biscuit is son of a bitch. Biscuit eater to me is not the same. I've never heard biscuit eater, but I've heard cake eater. And I think that they mean two different things. If somebody said to me, you're a biscuit eater, I would assume they're trying to insinuate that I am somebody who enjoys eating ass. Again, that's just what
my, you know, biscuit eater. right like a cake eater cake is butt cake is ass right like oh you got that cake and then the modern modern modern that's like you know pretty fresh i think i don't know i think our lingo dates us nate i don't know if i could say fresh anymore Fuck, dude. I don't know. It's so dope, though. But again, like, Biscuit Eater, there was a time, and I think we talked about this previously on the podcast, where my wife and I watched through
The Sopranos. And there's a whole subplot in several of the episodes, actually, where Tony's uncle enjoyed performing oral sex on women, and he didn't want anyone to know about that. Because that was, I guess, in the 90s, it was not cool to lick the clit. And nowadays, people fucking eat ass and brag about it online. So licking the clit is pretty fucking mellow in terms of sexual things people do and share on social media. So biscuit eater could be just your fucking licking
the snatch, right? Like, I don't know. Could be your tongue in the a -hole. Again, I don't know. It doesn't really say. It's an older -ish phrase. It could mean anything, really. I mean, at some point, There was, uh, oh, you like giving your female partner pleasure. That's not right. You're a homosexual because you like licking vaginas. It doesn't even make any fucking sense. It's gay now to fucking lick vaginas? Yeah, I'm
not part of that. subculture and i never was so i don't really understand vaginas or i i know i mean like yeah the like anti -vagina licking crowd is uh something that i've heard stories about but it's kind of like a myth you know like i don't know any of these people who are they were they are they have they been dead for longer than i've been alive i'm gonna guess so probably so i mean this was from the 90s so like i've never heard anybody ever be like You like licking
vagina? That's so fucking homosexual. Until we watched Sopranos, and there was a whole three -episode arc about this uncle. It was like, don't tell anybody I love licking vaginas. I'm like, what? Was this a thing? I don't think it was a thing. No wonder the divorce rate was so high in the 90s. No wonder. I don't. I think like many things on TV. It's not real. Well, sure, but again, that was the 90s, and that was written by people not born in the 90s, not born even
in the 80s. It was people born earlier, and so at some point in time, it must have been a thing where you didn't do that, or you didn't mention that you did that, right? I don't know. I think it was more you don't talk about it, because that's just not an appropriate subject for conversation.
in polite society well for sure yeah we we live in a time now where a viral video just happened i saw it where this chick was talking about told the story about how her boyfriend sucked off his buddy because his buddy was saying that his girlfriend didn't like to suck dick or something he's like oh it's easy i'll show you it's like that's not something you should probably share you know that your boyfriend's sucking dudes dicks to show how easy it is you know yeah yeah
it's fucking weird Who is this guy and where does he live? That's disgusting. I don't want to go there. I don't know. We do definitely get into kind of the oversharing of today, right? Like, I don't know. There's people that are like, oh, yeah, I eat ass on the first date. And I'm like, what the actual fuck, dude? Is this somebody you met in real life? No, but you see them online and they're posting like, oh, yeah, I fucking eat ass. I have a hard time believing a lot of
that stuff. Well, you don't necessarily believe it, but if you're posting that you eat ass on the first date, you're probably going to do it if the person you're dating wants to do it, right? Like, oh, hey, I don't care about the dinner, but just fucking eat my asshole? I mean, it doesn't even make any sense to me because... It's gross. I mean, I'm not going to judge other people for their behavior that they do in the privacy of their own home to an extent, right? But we don't
need to talk about it. It's not necessary to tell me about it. Well, for sure. I mean, you do you and do whatever you want. I don't care. I really don't care. Whatever gets you off gets you off, and that's great. And I'm happy for you. I don't need to read about it. On Twitter or Facebook or wherever people post these things and then show up on my meme pages. I don't care enough to care. You know what I mean? Are you seeking validation? Because that's probably not
the way you do it. It's like the chick telling the story about how her boyfriend sucked his friend off as part of a show of how easy it is to do blowjobs. Maybe you should just leave that guy and keep that to yourself. Like, you don't need to do that. It's not necessary. That kind of reminds me of, I don't know if you've seen it, maybe, maybe not, Rowan Atkinson, one of my favorite British actors. Maybe one of my favorite actors, regardless of country of origin, because
I grew up on Mr. Bean. But he did a stand -up, and it's fucking hilarious, because if you've only known him for Mr. Bean where he doesn't. really say any words at all. His stand -up, he says a lot of words and it's fucking hilarious, but he has this one bit where he's playing a Catholic priest and he's giving a sermon to the congregation. And he's talking about all of these new brides. And he's saying, these new brides, they come to me and they say, Father, what is
the church's position on fellatio? And he goes, well, I always tell these brides, I always tell them the same thing. I don't know what fellatio is. And then they show me. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, anyway, I don't know. I don't know. We're talking about. I don't know how we got here. Words that are supposed to be curse words, but aren't. Yeah. Jeez, crease, Louise, fella. I don't even know what that means, man. Okay. Bulls spit. Bull corn or bull crap. Bull crap I've heard several
times. The other ones seem like overly complicated, but they all mean bullshit. They all mean bullshit. This next one, I don't know that I believe. I don't know that I believe this one. Fetch from Mean Girls. Because then they say like, that's so fetch. I don't know if I've ever seen that movie. And if I have, I wasn't paying attention. Well, I think you should watch it. And the gym teacher is hilarious. But apparently fetch is supposed to sound like fuck, but I don't think
that's true. I think it, I don't, I don't believe that one. I don't believe that one. I take umbrage with that. Then we got begora, by God, bejabbers by Jesus, bleeding heck, which means bloody hell, blimey, which means blind me, blind me. So you're apparently like antagonizing your all -powerful being to blind you? Seems strange to me. Blinking heck means bloody hell by George. I've heard that quite a bit. By God, by gum, by God, by Jove, by God. Cheese and rice. I feel like you've
said this before, Mike. Cheese and rice. Possibly. Means Jesus Christ, Christ sakes, which sounds really similar to for Christ's sake. So I don't know why you wouldn't just say it. Why wouldn't you just say it? I mean, I guess they're going to be beheaded for blaspheming, but in today's day and age. There's not much reason to say any of these other things than the actual thing.
I mean, if you're in a business setting, which is usually the area where you have a pretty tight restriction on your language, you probably don't want to be doing any sort of swear adjacent terminology. So it's not something that you wouldn't want to say, you know, bazinga or bejesus or this is not, you know, that's not the thing. That's
not what we're doing here. Yeah, I understand that, but I feel like if you're using some of these things, some of these minced oaths, instead of using the real thing, and the reason you're using these minced oaths is because you're at work, you probably need to find a new job. If your job is making you say minced oaths, you probably need a new job. I wouldn't go that far. I would say that you should probably read some
books. And learn how to use your language in a more clever and appropriate way for the setting at which you are in. Yes. And maybe don't put yourself in a situation where you want to call somebody a fuckface and not be able to do it. You know? Yeah. Don't get that mad. I mean, there's a lot of situations that happen in corporate America where you want to call everybody a fuckface, but you just can't do it. No. You gut it and move on. But you know what you can say? Is you
can say, wisdom has been chasing you. But you've always been faster. Something like that. I mean, it's HR sanctioned, so it's got to be okay. We've got one called Krivins. Have you ever heard somebody say Krivins? Only as a last name in a shitty sci -fi novel. Yeah, there you go. John Carter of Mars. Krivins means Christ defend us. There we go. Have you ever read John Carter of Mars? No, but I'm very anxious to. I want to. I really want to. You should read the Barsoom novels.
It's old -timey great. I love it. It's so shit. We'll have to do a John Carter of Mars episode at some point. I don't know why saying Christ defend us would be a curse. Wouldn't that be like a positive prayer? Christ defend us. Yeah, I would say that that is more of a prayer than anything. Dad gum, dag nabbit, and dag nabbit are all goddammit. Dang, of course, is damn. Darn's damn, darnation is damnation. Drat. I've heard drat. God rot it. I guess all of the fig
tree, right? Do you remember the fig tree, Mike? No. No, I don't. Fucking A. Jesus came across this fig tree. He wanted himself a fig. Yeah, son of God and all that shit. He wanted a fig. It wasn't the season for figs to be ripe, which was explicitly stated in the story in the Bible. And Jesus is like, I want a fucking fig. And the fig tree's like, it's not time yet. So Jesus fucking cursed this fig tree and it withered and fucking died. Because it wasn't the right
season. But, you know, Jesus knows all and is right and all that shit. Why would Jesus get angry? Well, Jesus fucking flipped tables and whipped the, what is it, the Philistines? No, money changers. Money changers. Okay, whatever. He's a big fan of money changers. Yeah, I mean, he's not opposed to letting his freak flag fly, right? Yeah, but at a fucking plant? The plant should obey God, right? Grab a stone and turn it into a fig. He can turn water into wine. What
the fuck are you wanting a fig for, dude? Just get a bucket from the river and turn it into fucking wine. Get drunk and be happy. Why are you harassing this fig tree? Yeah, just make a fig appear in your hand. Better yet, make a fig appear in your fucking mouth. How did you feed all those fucking Jews in the desert? Oh. Oh, Jesus. You have to bring up their religion all of a sudden like it matters. We're talking about Jesus. Jesus. Give a man a fig tree and
he'll fucking hate it for life. I'm sorry. Give a man a fish and he'll... What is the thing? I don't remember now. You lying son of a bitch. Oh, boy. For crying out loud. For Christ's sake. For Pete's sake. Not for Christ's sakes. It's for St. Peter's sake. Because dropping the saint from Pete's name makes it okay to say. It's not a curse word anymore for Pete's sake. But if you say for St. Peter's sake, straight to hell. Straight to hell. Well, yeah. Now you're blasphemy
against the first pope and all that. Yeah. Something like that. Be a naughty boy. Don't be a naughty boy. Or girl. Or they. Or they. For the love of Mike. I say this all the time. Because I love Mike. But I guess this one's for St. Michael's sake. Why doesn't it have to be Archangel Michael? Yeah, why not? Why does it have to be St. Michael? Why can't it be Archangel Michael? Give the Archangel some love, too. Yeah, come on, bro. For Mike's sake. For Peter of Angels and all that jazz.
Or for Pete's sake. Or for crying out loud. One of them. One of these certainly fits. Gat dang it. It's a fucking weird way to say God damn it. Just, you know what? At some point, you just fucking say the, just swear. Just do it. At some point, just do it. Gee whiz means Jesus. But I don't know why you wouldn't just say Jesus. We're not all on roller skates. I see gee whiz. Because it's funny. It is kind of funny. Because it's like, is God whizzing? Is he peeing? Does
God have to pee? If we're made in God's image, does God not have to pee? Does God not have to rub one out every once in a while? These are all questions I have, and that's why I became an atheist, because no pastor would answer these questions to me. Does God not have to wink? There's pronti of 13 -year -old Jewish girls in Bethlehem or whatever. Gee willikers, gee whiz. I watched a documentary about that. There's a documentary about what, Mike? About Mary getting raped by
a Roman soldier. Yeah, well, I think the most plausible explanation of the virgin birth is... Joseph wasn't the father, is probably the most. Some version of that, and he was understanding for some reason. Well, he's Joseph. Joseph is probably the OG bro, right? Well, there's plenty of reasons why, things that could have happened. Let's put it that way. Dude, I understand 100%. And I'm not trying to tear down religion in this episode. That will be a future episode. Gee whiz,
gee willikers. Both mean Jesus. Godfrey Daniel. Didn't you go to school with Godfrey Daniel? I went to school with people named Daniel. Sure. Sure. That's weird. That's fucking weird, dude. Godfrey Daniel apparently means God. Golly gee willikers, which is the longest fucking way ever to say Jesus. Good garden party. means good God. Good grief, all of the peanuts, means good God. So, sorry, Charlie and Snoopy and Linus and Lucy.
Goodness gracious means good God. Gore blimey means God blimey, which I think we talked about. Gosh is God. Gosh darned means God damned. Jason crisp, which feels like a Jason Voorhees thing, but it apparently means Jesus Christ. Jeebus? I don't know what that could possibly mean. Couldn't possibly mean Jesus, could it, Mike? Jeebus? Jesus? I had a friend who got in a lot of trouble for saying Jeebus in school. Holy fuck. The same individual got in trouble for using the word
masticate one too many times. Chewing is terrible, isn't it? Yes. Jeepers, creepers, Jesus Christ. Jeeze means Jesus. Jeezy crazy. And I've heard you say this, Mike. I've heard you say Jeezy crazy a lot of times. Oh, yeah. It means, I don't know if you know this, it means Jesus Christ. I am shocked. I thought that I was being perfectly innocent. You thought you were being safe? Nobody's safe. I thought I was being safe. Nobody's safe from Satan. Nobody's safe from Satan, Mike. Jehoshaphat.
Here's this fucking guy again. Jehoshaphat. Apparently it means Jesus, but Jehoshaphat was not Jesus. Jehoshaphat was apparently a real person, unlike Jesus. Did I say that out loud? I had a tickle in my throat. I'm sorry. Jehoshaphat. Remember the Alamo? I never remember Jesus. Jehoshaphat apparently means Jesus. I don't know why. I'm going to have to look into this Jehoshaphat fucker. Sorry. This Jehoshaphat son of a bitch. No, wait. What was the thing? What do we call them? I don't
know. This Jehoshaphat guy. I have to look into them. Jiminy Christmas means Jesus Christ. Judas Priest, outside of amazing music, means Jesus Christ, I guess. Land Sakes. We talked about this. Lord Sakes. Locks. Locks a mercy. Lord have mercy. My goodness means my God. My gosh. Surprise, surprise. Also means my God. Odds Bodkins. Holy fuck. We are repeating. We are repeating. I remember this God's Bodkins. We're getting
down there. We're getting down there. But this one says, God's Bodkins means God's sweet body. Like, we've got some kind of, like, romance novel of God's body. So fucking hot. I did not know that God was a pivotal character in the, oh, what the hell were those shitty -ass books? Fifty Shades of Grey. They had black, yeah, Fifty Shades of Grey. That's the one. All I have to say is Shitty has books. Fifty Shades of Grey, number one, right at the top. Yep, that's the one. Where
you're right in front of the line. You're right in front of the line. You're right in front of the Butlerian Jihad. Anyway. Beautiful baby manion. Beautiful baby manion. The fucking pumba pig. He's dead. I must fuck you. Okay, here's one. Sakura Blue. Which is like a French curse. And my daughter loves watching Fancy Nancy. And she says Sacre Bleu all the time. My daughter doesn't say this all the time. But Fancy Nancy says Sacre Bleu all the time. What a potty mouth. Oh, right.
Like Nancy. Nancy is such a fucking entitled... Okay, sorry. It's not about Fancy Nancy. But Sacre Bleu apparently means God's blood. Okay. Godzooks is by far my favorite. Like God's hooks. Like, the hooks we hung him on on the cross. Like, that's fantastic. Like, that's a great one. That's a great one, in my opinion. Sam Hill, we talked about struth. S -T -R -E -W -T -H means
God's truth. I don't know why God's truth would be a swear or a curse, but I am not alive during the 14 or 1500s, so it doesn't really matter to me. It's an oath. It's an oath. It wouldn't be a curse by modern standards. Sure, yeah. Suffering Sekitash. That's that chicken guy from the Looney Tunes, right? Suffering Succotash. Suffering Succotash. Isn't that Sylvester the Cat? I thought it was the big chicken. Like the southern chicken guy. He doesn't say that. Yeah, no. That's Suffering
Succotash is the cat. Sylvester. Sure. That's fine. I'll allow it. We'll allow that. If anyone has anything to say otherwise on my side or Mike's side, post a comment. And we'll see it at some point. We're going to do Google the show here, motherfucker. Okay. You bring it on in. Take a shot, everybody who's listening. Suffering Succotash. Sylvester the Cat. There we go. Okay. Mike proved himself the supreme being of all
beings. That is second only to the rule that we do not bowl on whatever the fuck it is now. Yep. Don't roll on seventh. So. We will call Mike the new Oz Bodkins, meaning the new God's sweet body. Anyway, suffering psychotash means suffering savior, which is fucking stupid. If you actually stop to think about it, because Jesus is saving you from himself. Because if you believe in the Trinity, Jesus is God, the Son, and the Holy Ghost. They're all one being.
So he's here to save you from himself. So he's not really suffering, and he knew if God is all -knowing, and Jesus is God, God would have known he was going to kill himself on the fucking cross.
So he's not really suffering, he's just doing what he knew he had to do to save you, which could have all been prevented if he wasn't such an asshole to begin with, and would have not... put himself in that situation where he had to sacrifice himself at no cost because he's fucking God and eternal and whatever and all -knowing and blah, blah, blah. So it's all a bunch of bullshit, but that's not the point of the episode.
The point of the episode is minced oaths. So the next one is tarnation, which means damnation. What in the Sam Hill? What in the damn hell? Wish to goodness. I wish to goodness. Wish to God. If somebody told me wish to God, I would be so offended. I don't even know what I would do. I'd have to go to HR five times. Five times. I'd have to say, I had to pray the rosemary like 17 times. What is it they do in Catholicism? Rosary. The rosary, not the rosemary. Come on.
Oh, fuck. Yeah, my wife puts rosemary in everything, and I'm like, I'm not a huge fan of rosemary, but the rosary makes more sense. For sure. For sure. holy guacamole, heaven's the Betsy, Jesus, Mary, and Josephine, geez, gee willikers, geez Louise, get down, sat on a bench, bucket, which I guess means forget. Dillweed, Sam Hill, Hot Dog for Pete's sake, Jumpin' Jehoshaphat, Shut the Front Door, Friggin' Nutcracker, Son of a Biscuit, Curses Fooey for Crying Out Loud. Burke
is short for Berkeley Hunt. I don't know what that even means. It's not even relevant anymore in today's society. It doesn't matter. Berkeley Hunt is Cockney Rhyming Slam for Cunt because you can't expect to listen to a nice ass -ish podcast about minced oats and not hear the word cunt. It's going to be a thing. Going to be a thing. And apparently Burke is also, yeah, Berkeley Hunt, which we talked about. We just said it. We just said it. We don't have to repeat it.
But we will because we mark all of our episodes explicit because we're smoking tobacco. But sometimes we say fuck. And sometimes we also say cunt. And that's okay. Where are you at in your cigar, Mike? I am done. How about you? I'm about there. But if you're done, I'm done. What did you think about the cigar, Mike? Which is a minced oath for cigar. For cigar. You know what? I thought it was fine. It was not better than the regular Toro, in my opinion. I just gave it a three,
and I saw you just gave it a three. And that's about fair. I think that's fair. Yeah, it's fair. It's perfectly adequate. I would smoke it again. I wouldn't go out of my way to smoke it again. But it is a perfectly adequate cigar for what it is. No more and no less. Yeah, and the label is great. The label is great, but what are you going to do? What are you going to do? They would have benefited from less label and more blending for sure. Yeah, I feel like I like the other
one better, but I guess let me look. Yeah, they're both about equal. We gave both of the Schizotoros, the Maduro and the regular, or the non -Maduro, we gave them both a three. So I think they're both, they're fair enough. Yeah, it's perfectly adequate. Similar to the other one, this is more of a smoke it outside on the porch, you know, do some grilling, do some mowing the lawn, do some golfing, whatever your jam is. Whatever you do. Yeah. Yeah. So. Check it out if you want.
Don't if you don't. Mince your oaths. I'd prefer you don't. Just person up and say the fucking curses you want to fucking say. Unless you're at work and I'm not a lawyer and blah, blah, blah, all that jazz. But if you're upset enough, just say what you want to say. Just say it. Just do it. Nobody's ever said, oh my God, he said blimey instead of fucking fuck off, you motherfucker. Nobody's ever respected the person that's done
the minced oath instead of the real thing. No. Well, we're in a particular subculture in this region to where we have the tendency to look down on people who used minced oaths instead of just saying what they feel. I view it as being mealy -mouthed and weaselly and weak. And I don't respect it. And ass kisser. And I don't. Yeah.
Yeah. It's like. the weaselly church churchy person who is that's never a trustworthy individual no at least not where i live so maybe it is where you live mileage may vary and if so kudos but otherwise thanks for listening don't mince your oaths and just fucking say it how you want it and we'll catch you next week be safe have fun