Abortion: The Body Politic - The Storytellers [Bonus]

get your abortion? Kelsey Rhodes is one of the first people we spoke to when we were reporting this series. She's the interim director of Communications at Physicians for Reproductive Health, and she's part of a team that put together guidance for journalists who are reporting on abortion, guidance that has been integral to this podcast. I think the number one tip is to center the lived experience as of folks who are actually impacted by abortion bands. So how are

we sent ring what's going on with patients. How are we centering what's going on with the folks who are really providing that care and making that care possible. How are we listening to the lives that they're leading how this has impacted them, how it makes them feel, as opposed to centering the folks that are trying to strip this away and remove this from communities. Abortion should be able to be as public or as private as you want. No one should be forced to put their lives on

display if they don't want to. But we do have a lot of amazing abortion storytellers who want to share how either life changing or absolutely normal and boring their abortion was for them. And that's the that's the case, right. This is something that um is a very normal and integrated part of a lot of people's lives and a

lot of people's healthcare. You've heard many first person abortion stories throughout this series, but so many more were shared, some from seasoned abortion storytellers and others from people share for the very first time. Today. Organizations like Shout Your Abortion and we Testify help people do this. But the tradition of sharing abortion stories publicly started back in nineteen sixty nine in New York City. The first so called abortion speak out was organized by the socialist feminist group

the Red Stockings. Naturally, Lauria Steinham was there. I was at New York. We had started New York magazine and I had a column there called The City Politic. So I went to an abortion speak out in a church basement somewhere downtown that they were conducting, and for the first time I saw I mean, I had not been all that secret about having an abortion, but certainly was

not shouting it out in public. And they were having a public hearing, and women were getting up and telling their stories of having had to seek an illegal abortion, and also praising a doctor in Pennsylvania, I think, who had long been performing safe abortions. So it was the first time there was in my life that there was a public event in which abortion was discussed openly and honestly,

and it did have a huge impact on me. It was one of the reasons basic reasons there came to be a feminist move when it was an extension of Jane and all of the underground networks. Uh, And it was just simply you know that we are equal citizens and we have power over our own lives, just as men do. Gloria Steinham kicks off our abortion speak out.

She was twenty two when she had an illegal abortion in in nineteen I had graduated from college, I was engaged to be married to a very good, nice person, but I knew that it would be a big mistake for me, especially he was ten years older and more settled in his life. So I just fled to to London and it was there that I finally realized that I was indeed pregnant. I fantasized that I would go to Paris. Somehow I thought that Paris was a more

accepting city. I forgot that it was also Catholic. Anyway, UM, I ended by calling up a physician just because he was I looked up his name in the phone book and he was close to where I was living. And I went to him and you know, confirmed that I was indeed pregnant, and you know, and it was clear to him that I did not want to be so he and I dedicated a book to him later because

of this. He said, UM, if you never promise never to tell anyone wants anyone my name one and two, if you do what you want to do with your life, I will be the first signer because they are required to. And he sent me to a woman physician who actually did the abortion. So I dedicated a book to him, Dr John Sharp, who probably was not alive by then, but I wanted to thank him publicly. I sort of thought, just because of the culture I had grown up in,

that perhaps I should feel guilty. So I walked around London for a few days trying to make myself guilty, and I couldn't. I absolutely could not, because it was clear to me that I had taken control. It was that it was my body, hello, and that it was my life. Uh. You know. I was helped in that by the doctor I went to, and then by the woman doctor he sent me to to perform the origin,

because they were themselves very guilt free. But I was not helped in that by the culture of the nineteen fifties and I and I hope that that is over. I hope that women understand that we have a right and even a duty to control our own physical selves, that there is no democracy without that. My name is Renee Bracey Sherman, I used to her pronouns, and I am the founder and executive director of We Testify, which is an organization dedicate to the leadership and representation of

people who have abortions. I had an abortion when I was nineteen. I was in a relationship with a guy who my parents couldn't stand and he was just we were in love, but it was a really toxic relationship. And the abortion itself was um actually quite wonderful. I remember being in the room and they explained to me everything that was going to happen. And the nurse she was this um tall white woman with dark black hair.

She had a beret on and and um a shirt with a scrub top with long sleeves and a really long skirt and um a star of David. And so where I grew up there's a lot of Orthodox and

also Hasidic Jews, and so UM. I remember feeling at first a little confronted because I was I felt like, you know, when you talk about an abortion, it's religious people don't support abortion, and then finding out that other faiths do, and actually Christianity really says nothing about it until the eight hundreds, and that that Judaism does support abortion.

And so to see her there was really at first it was like drawing, but also reassuring when I learned so much more right and she held my hand through the procedure, and I remember laying back and looking on the ceiling and there were kind of the pulled out pages from the National Geographic just take to the ceiling

and they were all of butterflies. And to this day, I mean, I'm sitting in my office right now and I'm looking at I have a butterfly on my um computer monitor, and I've butterflies on the wall and hanging. Because it did feel like this moment of transformation that was beautiful and that I felt really loved and supported, and she held my hand to the whole thing, and you know, she was just so wonderful. I don't know her name, but um, you know, and even in the

recovery room she just sat there with me. I just remember feeling at peace and and you know, there's so many studies that say what is the most common feeling that people have after abortion, and it is relief and then of course a lot of other things, and there's

mixed emotions. Like for me, there was sadness, not at all about the abortion, um, but just that I knew that after that that relationship was ending and that I would need to continue on with a different path in my life and letting go of a lot of things. And so UM, I'm really proud of myself and proud of nineteen year old Renee who was able to get herself to that clinic, um and get herself on a track to where I am right now, you know. And

I later did tell my family. UM. I told my mom first, and she cried because she was so sad that she couldn't have been there to support me. Um. My dad was very like, I mean, it is your body or decision and got glad we didn't have that boyfriend in our lives for eighteen years, and I was like, yeah, that's true. Um. And then it wasn't until four years later that my mom finally told me that my life was made possible because she had an abortion before me.

And I think I had told her when she told me this, like, I wish you had told me that earlier because I then would have gone to you when I had my abortion because I thought you were perfect. I didn't know you even dated anyone before Dad. I I thought every you did everything right and that I was just the funk up. And she was like, no,

not at all, Like I'm so proud of you. And so this is why I share my story, and this is why we talk about it, because I think we forget to talk to the people in our families and our lives. We are afraid they're going to judge us, but the reality is that they're going to love us. That's why we say everyone loves someone who's had an abortion, and I it's brought me and my mother so much closer. My name is Jalen far Munson, and I'm the development

and communications manager at fun Texas Choice. My first abortion, I was about twenty years old, and that wasn't I would say, a really pivotal moment for me. I just felt like at that time it made a lot of sense. I was in college. I didn't want to have a child with the person that you know was the father, and so I decided, okay, like that's it was an

easy decision for me. And I was living in Maryland at that time, where access to abortion um is pretty it's a lot easier than in Texas obviously, But then this time around it was different because I was twenty

nine and I do want children. Having children and something that I do want, and so when my partner and I had to have that really difficult conversation, we hadn't known each other very long, and so we're kind of sitting here like, okay, we do really like each other, and we do really want this relationship to go forward, but we don't feel prepared to bring another person when we barely know each other. Um, And so that was

very difficult. But I found out I was pregnant a week before SP eight went into effect, and so while navigating our romantic relationship, we also had to navigate this new law. And so when I found out, I booked an appointment going to college's office and I went in and they told me, you know, unfortunately, we can't terminate

the pregnancy for you. We don't do that here. Um. They gave me the name of a doctor on a sticky note and was like, you know, call this this doctor essentially, and so I called that clinic and I made that first appointment, and unfortunately, in Texas there's a mandatory waiting period of twenty four hours, so they were able to get me that first appointment, which was a

few days before September one. But they told me, honestly, you know, we may not be able to see you for the second appointment if the law goes into effect on September one and you're far enough a long at we're not able to help you. So I decided to go to the appointment anyway, um, and just like kind of risk it. And so when I got there, I just remember walking in and seeing so many people there.

So we're still in the pandemic, and there's at least fifty people in that waiting room, and so that alone gave me anxiety. They called us by numbers. They didn't call us by names, because that's how many people they have to see in a day that I guess using names it's just probably not efficient, which I understand, but it didn't make me feel good. And so after sitting there for a while, you know, I just didn't feel good about what I was doing or just where I was.

I just felt like I didn't have enough time to really think. And so I left the clinic and said, you know what, you've had an abortion in Maryland. You know what the Maryland experiences like. Just go back home

to Maryland. So I called the Planned Parenthood in Maryland and made another appointment, and then they asked me if I needed financial assistance, and I said yes, And so I called some of the funds that they put on you know, the list for me, and the first fund that called me back was fun Texas Choice, and I cannot, like I get emotional kind of thinking about this moment because my co worker, this person is my coworker now.

But I just remember like hearing their voice on the end of the other on the other end of the phone, and it was like the nicest, sweetest voice I've ever heard in my entire life. Um, and it just felt so good to talk to somebody who it was just so empathetic and like non judgmental, um and helpful during that time. And I think that people really underestimate like just how far like kindness can go, because I felt like nobody was very kind to me up until that point.

You know, I know they were trying their best, but like it just made me feel like I knew I was making the right decision and like somebody cared enough to go out of their way to get me where I needed to be. And so she told me, you know, it's it was like labor Day weekend. So she said, you know, um, you may not hear from me for the west of the rest of the weekend, but I just want you to trust me and just know, but

I will get you where you need to be. And I said, Okay, I don't know this person but I'm gonna just you know, put my faith in them. And I sat in my room and I watched um the whole first season of Britain in like a day. UM. And then that Tuesday morning, she called me and she said, UM, I have a flight for you. I have a hotel for you. This is where you need to go. And

they got me where I needed to be. And I will forever be grateful for that, um, because like, I think that's the nicest thing that anybody's ever done for me in my entire life, like a complete stranger. UM. But it may me very sad because I just don't believe that people should have to do that, Like I don't think that people should have to depend on the kindness of strangers in a country like hours to access healthcare. My name is Merl gold Day. I am currently seventy

years old. I became active sexually active in my teens in high school much too um, my dismay, I guess much UM. I became pregnant in high school in nineteen sixty nine. I gave that child up for adoption. In the late seventies. I was married, but I was living in Israel at the time, and after we've been there for a few months. I began to see that my UM, my husband. He is never physically abusive, but he was extremely controlling, and I began to realize this was not

maybe the marriage I wanted to be in. But I got pregnant. UM and in Israel, as in many countries, there was debate over the legality of abortion. However, UM Israel has always had universal health care, and surprisingly UM, you could get an abortion. However, you had to go sit in front of a committee who decided whether or not your your reasons were worthy. UM. I found that I was pregnant. I was probably nine days past my period.

I mean it was really quick when I realized something was wrong or whatever, and I immediately applied for an abortion. I had to go sit in a little teeny room with about five professionals who had questions for me as to why I wanted this abortion. Now I will tell you that, UM, there was I've been sitting in a hallway.

Other women were sitting there. We were getting called in one by one, and when I walked into the room, there was a stack of charts, like you know, a bunch of charts on one side, and then there were like one or two charts over to another side. I didn't know which side was which, what was going on, But they asked me a bunch of questions. They felt that I had legitimate concerns for um the outcome of my marriage, and that this probably was not a good time for me to start a family. And they agreed

to allow me to have an abortion. And they tossed my chart on the high bile, so apparently making an assumption here that that seemed to be the more common thing. They gave me a number to call. I called the number, I made an appointment, I went in, I had the procedure done, went home that evening, and that was that. And when I was sitting around with my friends UM in Israel's just sitting around a table, and I was upset.

I was distressed about the situation. I'm sitting around a table with three other women, two of whom had also had abortions at some point. And now we're talking at Israel. We're all we all happened to be Jewish. Sitting at the table, Um, everybody had their reasons, whatever they were, they were their own personal reasons. And uh, it was a lot more common than I knew that I knew about. It's so beyond me to think about judging someone of

her reasons for wanting to do whatever it is. I just said, you have to do what's right for you at that time. My name is Mel. I am in my early forties. I had an abortion in my early twenties, and this is my abortion story. So I joined the Navy when I was nineteen years old. I completely surprised my family and my friends. Um, they did not see that for me in my future. And I went to a school. Um that's generally what happens in the in the military. They'll put you in a trade or a

or a profession. Went to schooling for a couple of months and then went to my first duty station, which happened to be on an aircraft carrier in the late nineties and Chips Company company of about three thousand sailors. I was one of about three women on that ship. So you can kind of do the math and see the um statistics, the data, the ratio of men to men to women. And then this is not a story

about sexual harassment. For um. The other challenge as I faced on board ship, that's for another story and for another segment. I did have some great times. It wasn't all bad. So anyway, I was kind of having my fun and probably reckless if I was to definitely look back on that. And then I met a man who was ten years older than me. So by that time I was about twenty one. He was thirty one and married, and he had four children, two women. He was the pursuer.

But that doesn't matter. I was. I was of age and could make my own decisions, you know, to the best of my abilities and so forth. So in the maturity level, I suppose, But on the ship, at least in the late nineties, for females, there was not a whole lot of birth control options. And I say that, you know, isn't a pill um. You know, they would have like two options to choose from if those didn't meet your health requirements, right, Like, I don't feel good

on this one. I don't feel good on this one. Well, you're kind of pardon vulgarity of your sl a little bit. Right. So, while I was actively deployed overseas and I don't remember what country, it occurred to me that I had missed the period um I found out, you know, I thought I was pregnant. I had to go to if anybody's traveled overseas lave pharmacia, you know, most of them are called something close to that, trying to find a UM and and then trying to describe in a country you

don't speak their language. What what a pregnancy test wouldn't could look like? Right? You know? Like this is what I need. So anyway, I was pregnant. I went and talked to one of the doctors on board ship and I just told him that, um, I was pregnant and what my options were. And I specifically asked if I had to tell who the father was. He said, no, you don't. What I hadn't talked about is the fact that this older man was much senior to me. He obviously had a lot more to lose than I did.

I was very much a junior airman and he was is um, you know, way way higher than me as far as ranking. And then he also had his family, right um, And I was just by myself. So so I say all that is when I got pregnant, my chain of command obviously got involved. And I will never forget I was called before the OH five, which is not a not a colonel or a captain in the Navy. It was just one step below them. Here I am little, oh me junior, junior person, called in front of them

by myself, no lawyer, no representation, nobody with me. And he demanded to know who the father of my child was. And I looked at that man, scared witless and told him, it's with it's it's my right to tell you. I'm not telling you who much the father of my child is. So that's my That's what I was facing with work, with my career at the time. At home, I called my mom. You know, um, I wasn't raised that any of this was acceptable, I guess, you know. But I told my mom was going on, just to kind of

thinking maybe I would have a soft place fall. And my mother, in no uncertain terms, told me that, um, I would always be welcome to her own in her home because I was her daughter, but my bastard child would never be welcomed, wouldn't be welcomed across the threshold of the door. So okay, well that's not going to be a support system. It was very much a trying time at that point, what with the Navy trying to

figure out who is my child's father. Just it was very scary and I felt very alone and isolated with hardly anybody to turn to who had my best interests mine. So i'll he was against it, but went along with my choice to have an abortion. So, um, I'm pretty sure I went through Planned Parents and this is before cell phones obviously and stuff, so it was like what white pages of trying to find a local Planned Parents with a clinic. We were in Virginia and by the

time I went to all this had happened. And I went to the clinic to get quite of how long I was and if I was a candidate for it in portioned. Um, I was too far along by Virginia loss. So that's a shock, I think, thinking you were going to get help for your situation and you know that you can't get it today. So I go home and I tell my boyfriend at the time, I also made the phone call toy my mom because weirdly, I think I was maybe thinking that, you know, maybe it was

a second chance. That I'm not a super religious person, but perhaps God was given me a second chance or telling me a different, telling me to do something different. I don't know, but my mom was still very much not supportive and mean, and you know so the clinic had very kindly given me some options with going out of state. So the closest one was going to be a drive up to Maryland, which had some different um

laws for abortion. How for long you could be or you couldn't be, so ultimately made the decision to go to Maryland. It was very expensive, the amount of money I maked in the military, it was um. It was quite cumbersome, and obviously with no place to turn. I think my I remember correctly, my boyfriend at the time helped but um with the payment. But I don't remember a whole lot of the procedure itself. Everyone was kind,

I don't remember that. I do remember her at the clinics of one of them, there were protesters, so that's always that was not fun. But the point of why I'm discussing my abortion story today and why I feel

it's so important. If I was to go back and ask twenty one year old me if I would do the same thing over again, I don't know what my answer would be, but what I can tell you is that I am please, just punched and so glad I had options that I had an opportunity to make those decisions, and it's my body and it's my choice to make

those decisions. I firmly believe in that. Um. I wish I could have made that decision wholeheartedly and of a whole heart, without the military telling me something, without my mom playing into it, and it was just me making the decisions for myself. But what I can say is, for where I am in my career, I'm not sorry I made the decision. I'm not sorry that. I don't think I would have made a great mom at that

time time either. Um, with everything going on I was, I could not have been the mother that I am to day. So that is why I choose to share my story today. After the break, Busy Phillips shares her abortion story. Busy Phillips is an actor and activist, but when she had an abortion, she was just a teenager growing up in Arizona. I was fifty and it's very much in love with this young boy who was sixteen. Um, yeah, he was my my boyfriend, like my first boyfriend, and

I just was so in love with him. And I grew up. I was raised Catholic, and uh god, I had so much shame around every part of being a woman that was so internalized. I didn't even know what I hid in my period. I didn't tell I have an older sister. I just stole her tampons and figured it out. Seriously, I didn't tell my mom for months that I had gotten my period because I was so embarrassed by just my humanity. And yeah, it was like, you know, as seen out of a movie, right like Juno,

except I get the abortion. Um, It's like the lines were positive as soon as I the p hit the stick. A friend of mine I didn't even have I mean, obviously, I was fifteen. A friend of mine drove me and another girl from our class who also thought she was pregnant to planned parenthood, and we both were. I didn't know. I don't know what the laws were then. I knew that that planned parenthood I went to couldn't make an

appointment for me. They could only offer information, and I was responsible for making an appointment, coming up with the three hundred and fifty dollars to pay for it. And he said that he would get the money that he had it. I mean, he had a job. So I thought, okay, well that makes sense. We can we can do I can do this by myself. I'm gonna do this by myself. My friend said that she would skip school with me

and we could go and do it. I had gone to my boyfriend's house that after the afternoon after school, and his parents had found out because he tried to withdraw that money from his checking account and he told them and I he was like, you have to come talk to my parents. And I was like, absolutely no, I'm not doing that, and he was like, I promise you. They were like not mad, Like he was like, I promise you, They're not mad. They just want to talk

to you. And after school he went over there and his mother was in like their bedroom, they're like the primary bedroom. Swee. I just remember it so clearly, Like, you know, how do you have those like visceral memories. Like they had shades, um wooden shades, because in Arizona, you know a lot of people have shades for energy efficiency or whatever. But they were really they were closed, like she didn't have them open. It was just really dark and sort of foreboding and they closed the door.

And yes, she just really let me know what she how how disappointed she was in me like that I had like she wasn't going to let this happen. I wasn't getting an abortion. There's no say something like you will, well, young lady, you've gotten yourself. You've gotten yourself insince. It's quite a situation. Yeah, I did, really, And did you say, um, your son had a little something to do with myself?

I did this, yeah, like one of those fishes. She was saying to me things that because of my religious like knowledge and going to church and our Catholicism and our family, I had always heard about abortion and about sex, which is why I never talked about it, which is why I got pregnant. And I got home, I went to bed and it liked I don't know. The middle of the night, my mom woke me up. It was like busy, wake up, and she said, your dad read your diary while you're out tonight. Is it true? We

need to know if it's true. And I I was like, yes, it's true. And I go back to bed, and then my mom was like, now you have to you have to come and took me into their bedroom. My dad was sitting there already, and I like sat down on the bed next to him and put my head on his shoulder and I started crying and I just was like, I'm so sorry, I'm really sorry, and he was like,

I love you so much. And then the three of us like laid in their bed, you know, like a thing I hadn't done since I was like baby, and my mother's like, well, I'll call doctor Eckert in the morning and I'm going to find the person that we're going to take you to. You're getting You're not going to a clinic, you were going to a private, getting you a private You're going to be knocked out. I was like okay, well, okay, okay, okay, And it was

just never my mom. My parents were Catholic, Catholic school right. My mom went to Jesuit University there Catholics, And it was never a question. My mother was like, this is what we're doing. I love the story of your mom finding out that your boyfriend's mom should you out basically and embarrassed you and made you feel ashamed. And she called her and basically was having none of it. What did she say to her? I mean, she was like

she locked herself in her home office. It's like the door not sound proof, and she was like yelling and she said, you know, like you have no right to talk to my child that way. If you ever come near her again or say a word to her again, it will be over my dead body, like you you will. Yeah, she really went for it. She like came so hard out in to protect me. That it was it was. It floored me because I had, Oh God, because I had underestimated my mother. Which kids do you underestimate your

parents always? You know, I see my own kids do it constantly. What you can handle, what you can hold. And I think about these kids now, like both kids who are going to be facing pregnancy crises or just the mental health crisis that's happening with kids, and it's like kids hold onto this stuff because they underestimate. They don't think you can. They don't want to hurt you. All they want is for you to love them. And I didn't realize that, like I didn't really understand unconditional love.

My name is Tera Mailman. My pronouns are they and he um. I usually used say them um. I am the chief research analysts for Reproaction. I am from the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains in Georgia. I grew up in an extremely Catholic household. I went to a private Christian school. Uh. My only the only attempt I got at sex, said, was a book called Walking Through Puberty

with God. Um, so the I knew nothing. The only like actual helpful information I got about sex came from a girl in my grade who went to a public school previously, and who told me about condoms. So when I went off from my tiny little hometown and my school of a hundred people to the largest public university in the state of Georgia, all I had was information

about condoms. And several years, having gone to the March for Life in Atlanta, like a lot of people who leave their homes very quickly left religion behind and left the strict abstinence only education behind UM and started having casual sex like people do when they go to college. UM, And all I had was this information about condoms, and for years it were just fine. UM, had no problems.

My senior year of college, I was living off campus with a friend of mine and had just gotten out of a pretty pretty rough relationship and decided since I was getting ready to go to grad school the next year and knew I was going to have to really buckle down. I just kind of wanted to have fun my last year of college. So I decided I was just going to have a couple of friends with benefits that I could see every so often, who I knew well and got along with and felt like I could trust.

One of them was this guy named Travis. And when Travis and I met, he seemed like your average nice guy. We started hanging out, and then he started getting a little clingy, trying to invite me on vacations with his family. After less than a month, started showing up at my apartment un announced and started following me to my classes, and so I sat him down and I told him again. I was like, these are my boundaries. He apologized and said he understood, So I decided to give him a

second chance. Fast forward a little bit and my period was a little bit late. I wasn't too worried, but it was in the back of my mind when I went to meet up with one of my partners that night. He had come over to my place and I had gone to use the restroom, and when I came out, there were a bunch of open condom wrappers on the bed, and he looked at me and he said Kara, all

of these condoms have holes in them. So apparently what had happened is when I had had that talk with Travis to try and re established boundaries and give him a second chance, he didn't take it very well and decided to try to baby trapped me, essentially into forming a relationship with him. I was absolutely terrified, But despite of all my anti abortion upbringing and the years I had spent thinking I was very anti abortion, I knew

immediately that an abortion was what I wanted. There was no question of me giving birth, There was no question of me raising a child like I had already decided how I wanted my life to look, and it did not include having the child of a man who sabotaged my former birth in troll. So I turned to the

Internet and tried to find the closest abortion clinic. Despite this being the largest public university in the state, the nearest clinic was over an hour and a half away, and so I changed my search to how to induce

a miscarriage at home. I didn't put abortion um and looking back, uh the opposition researcher part of me is very proud of past me for somehow knowing that like, you don't want to directly search for how to sealth manage an abortion UM in the state of Georgia on an unsecure browser, UM that is not the move UM. And I got a bunch of results. UM. Some of

them were more disturbing and graphic than others. I don't necessarily want to go into the details of all of them because I don't want to encourage other people to you try these methods. But I tried all of them UM, including a combination of different herbs for a herbal abortion, and about probably a week went by and nothing had happened, and I was so scared that I wasn't going to be able to end this pregnancy. And then one day about the end of that week, I guess the herbal

regimen finally kicked in and my abortion started. I because I had searched for this information and was using a number of like questionable methods, I didn't exactly know what to expect, So again I was I was a little scared. I had still this intense sense of shame because of my upbringing, and so instead of telling anyone what was happening, I just sent a cryptic text to a friend and I was like, if you don't hear from me every hour, uh,

please come to my apartment. The door is unlocked. I might need to go to the hospital because I just didn't know what to expect and I wanted to make sure I had like a contingency plan it. For me, it basically felt like a heavy period, like maybe a little heavier than my usual period, which is not saying a whole lot, because my period isn't absurd, but uh, it lasted about forty eight hours, and then it was done. I wasn't pregnant anymore, and the next year I was

able to go off to grad school. If I could go back and tell myself anything, I would tell myself about abortion pills because there are so many clinics that are willing to help people access abortion pills, and with abortion pills, there is a very clear idea of what

to expect. UM and that's part of what drew me to reproaction actually is our self Managed Abortion with Pills campaign, because we have very clearly, like taken all of the information provided by organizations like the World Health Organization on self managed abortion with pills and made them easily accessible to anyone who needs them. UM Yeah, that's my abortion story. My name's Lauretta Ross and I'm an associate professor at

Smith College in Northampton, Massachusetts. I was one of the twelve black women who created the Theory and Practice of Reproductive Justice in June of n So I didn't answer the work as an abortion rights activist, even though I

had an abortion at age sixteen. But when I had my abortion in nineteen seventy, it was not the difficult thing in the world to do because Washington, d c. Had legalized abortion three years before we wade, so I was they had done it in the summer before my first year of college, so I was lucky to be in that sweet spot. And my boyfriend was in his first year of law school the same time I was in my first year of undergrad and so he was more than willing to pay for the abortion and to

reserve our futures right. And I was on than willing to have one because I already had a child. I had no romantic illusions about what parenting looked like, and so I didn't have any legal problems. I didn't have any finance uh financial problems. My obstacles were familiar. My mother would not sign the consent for because I was only sixteen and I needed parental consent because you had to be eighteen. And so my mother and I of

going back and forth back and forth. Her devout Christian self thought that I, since I had had sex again outside of marriage, in her opinion, I should just drop out of college, come home and have my babies and stay home and you know, do what she did when she got pregnant with kids. And I chose a different

path for myself. So my big sister, Carol, who's who was nine years older than me, forged my mother's signature on the consent for him, and so I ended up having a fairly late term abortion because of the back and forth with between me and my mom. Turns out I've been pregnant with twins and so the thought of having three babies is sixteen horrified me. So I was actually very happy that I've had an abortion. My name

is Alyssa. I'm a twenty three year old black queer person who lives in Chicago and I currently am an educator. So I got my abortion during the pandemics of December. I had to move home um and live with my parents. So at the time I was like, you know what, I should just go and tender and see what's see what's out there. So at the time I had met um my ex boyfriend at the time, and he was, you know, older than me, he was more experienced than me. Um he definitely you know, took advantage of kind of

just like how little I knew. Um. So we had met in like November, and by December I found out I was pregnant. Um So. He had come from a religious background, which is which was weird because I'm not religious at all. So I kind of don't even know how he clicked, but came from a religious background. And when I had told him that I was pregnant, he was kind of like, Okay, we'll go get an abortion, like it was going to be so easy, like one

two thrade right. And at this time I was living in Maryland, um but specifically southern Maryland in a very very small town, um so, about an hour and fifteen from d C. And about an hour and a half from Baltimore. UM So I was like, okay, literally, what do what do I do? Now? Right? I you know, would I literally just googled like playing parent hood abortion And then I was like well, what are they even gonna do. I didn't even know there's like different types

of abortion. I didn't want to tell my um my family. There it's so stigmatized, and you know, all communities, but especially like the black community, it's seen as like dirty or you know, you're moving too fast, right, They really want to They always want to stigmatize Black girls sexually. So when it comes to accessing abortion, it's like we can't win. Right. When we're team, parents were looked bad upon, and then when we're accessing abortion, it's it's looked upon.

It is like that's something you don't talk about. Um. I didn't know a bunch about abortion funds, but I had called Planned Parenthood because I was like, oh, I needed an abortion, but I don't have money, and they were like, you can contact an abortion fund near you. So I contacted an abortion fund and you know, they're

very small staff, small volunteers. So I waited about a week for somebody to call me back, and then yeah, and then I was told that you know, abortion funds only give the funds to like indie clinics and not playing parenthood. And you know, the day I had set for my abortion, I couldn't change because at the time, my ex boyfriend was like, well, this is the only

day I can take off work. And I had checked every indie clinic around me to see if I could, um, you know, get an appointment on the date specifically was December fourteen, and it was like the day before or after. And I was like on the phone begging him like, well, if we want some funds to cover it, we have to switch the clinic, so can you just take off work? Right? He was acting like it was such a big inconvenience to him, but I'm like, a baby would be a

more inconvenience. You're life, um so he was, actually it was such a big inconvenience and I so, I, you know, totally abortion fund. I was like, you know what, it's okay, I will I will figure out the fund somewhere else, but like, thank you for your time, um, so that I could keep my appointment. And I didn't really know. Um so the only time the only place I could get my surgical abortion was in Baltimore, so that was

about an hour and a half away. Um. They told me not to drive myself because they have sedation options available, and I didn't know much about the medication abortion, but when I was googling it, it sounded super painful. And now as like a self managed abortion trainer. UM, I know that like if I had an abortion do LA, I would have been able to have it at home.

But so the only place I could get it was Baltimore, about an hour and a half away, and he was going to take me there because uber prices were so expensive. So we get there and it was COVID, so only one person was allowed in. I couldn't have a support for son and um when it came time to paying for it, he was like, we'll just put it on your credit card. You could pay it back later, and I was like, okay, Like I need some support right now.

I felt like I was lacking support in all in all kind of places in my life, and it was it was a hard time for me, like even I've always been in repro spaces, but I still didn't know like what an abortion doula was, what support looked like for myself or others. So I got to the abortion clinic and I was able to have my surgical abortion,

and you know, the healing after was was rocky. I I saw going into it since I've always been really pro abortion that I wouldn't have any like emotional feeling after. But you know, I learned that all of these stories are not linear, right, Like, It's okay if I was emotional after that doesn't that doesn't make me any less pro abortion. Um, And I think abortion it was an easy thing for me to choose, but I still was, you know, really emotional after it, and I wanted the

support of the people around me. But I had to desigmatize abortion within myself to be able to have those conversations with with the people in my life. And I was still I was still internally like stigmatizing it because I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want people to think I was dirty. I didn't want people to think I was, you know, a bad person. Um. It was so easy to kind of like internalize all of the things we hear about people who access abortion.

So after after I got my abortion, you know, I was on medication, a little sedated, and I had an hour and a half car right back with my ex, who at the time was just super like shitty and emotionally abusive. So I felt like a lot of things could have been different if I had access, if I had access to transportation myself, and you know, living in a rural place, I don't know, well, you know, we didn't have public transportation. I had no way to get there unless I took an hour and a half uber

there and back. So, you know, I think about when we have these conversations about rov Wade, right like row is the floor, there are already so many communities and places that are living and that are living or um have lived in a place where there is no access right now. And even if they do have a clinic that's open, you know, appointment times, transportation, and I really feel because it would have made my abortion experience so much better if I had more access. My name is Ruth.

I'm in my mid fifties, and I'm going to share my abortion story. When I was about twenty two, I found out that I was pregnant and I was dating somebody, and we both knew that it was not practical or desired for us to have a child together. Both were just starting off in a career. We were not serious, and I was very very grateful that I was able

to go to plan parenthood and they were understandable. I had a meeting with somebody before which there was a requirement to make sure that you wanted to have the procedure. And I had the procedure and I was not uncomfortable. I felt supported and I felt no stigma. But I did not talk about it with people. Only one or two people knew about it. And I went on with my romantic life and my life and eventually got married and had a child. And sometimes I think about how

old that child might be. It's a it's it's a little daunting, but I have no regrets about the choice that I made for myself and my body. More from our abortion speak out right after this. Hi, my name is Pam. UM. I had my abortion fifty years ago last month, which would have been UM. So. The way it started was, I had this boyfriend in high school. Our whole senior year, we dated and about pronged time we got sexual and and we were pretty clueless about

birth control, babies, pregnantcy all that, no second education. UM, we didn't have much choice of birth control, the only condoms, and it was fine for a while. UM I got shipped off to college in August kind of suddenly, and then there was a draft. UM the word Vietnam was going on, and his d number was pulled. It was six, so he was going to go, and so he joined the Marine Corps. So he was supposed to be inducted

at the end of January. Now, so we've decided to go when weekend and get a hotel and say goodbye it properly. And that's when it happened. He was specied. He went to the induction center in the January and they sent him back home, thank god. Uh they said, no, we're gonna take you about five weeks from now instead. Well, and that's the five weeks I needed him home because I found out I was pregnant, and just he and I were the only ones that ever knew. Uh, there

was nobody to turn to, certainly not my parents. Uh. There I grew up a kind of a I hate to say it, but a household. Yeah, where there was everything was a crisis, even when it wasn't a lot of yelling, some hittings of shaking, you know, that kind of thing. So I wasn't gonna ever tell them. In fact, they died having never known anything about this. Um. So

these five weeks of high anxiety, you know, trying to financers. Um. I talked to people at a place called Birthright, uh, which I guess you would call it crisis pregnancy center. So they had a place to pick a live. They would take you in and dormitory like place, and you give birth and they would put it up for adoption. And I thought about that. Uh my boyfriend wanted to get married hat the baby, and I'm like, no, we're not doing that. We may get married some day and babies,

but not now. Um. So I heard finally about a free health clinic. So, yeah, you're this, you know, six seven weeks pregnant, and what do you want to do about it? And I said, well, I'd like to get an abortion. Abortion wasn't legal here. I'm in Kansas. Um. It was legal in New York City or state probably and Washington, d C. So I was terrified to go to New York City, you know. So I just Washington. So they gave me an eight hundred numbered called the

clinic in Washington. Well not a clinic like you think of now, but office in an office building with the doctor. Um. So I've made an appointment. I called the airlines. I've got a plane ticket. Uh. The problem was money. We didn't have much money. The procedure was a hundred and fifty dollars. The whole trip with the plane ticket stay at a hotel one night was four hundred fifty dollars, and that was a month's pay for a marine private

um in those days. So made all the arrangements and on Friday, March three, he flew to the West Coast to go to boot camp. And on Monday, Um March six, I flew to theast coasts to fix the future for us. My real problem was getting to the airport from where I was at college. Uh, nobody had a car much. There wasn't a bus or anything I could take. So my sweet mates boyfriend had a car and he said for ten dollars he would take me to the airport

and come back the next night and get me. The problem was I was at my parents house to the weekend trying to find a way to the airport because they lived it's closer to the airport, and I couldn't. So my dad drives me back to college and then I get in the car with this boyfriend, her boyfriend and go right back you know where I came from. And I had missed my FLFE. So the UM ticket it tendant said, oh, that is the problem. We'll put you on this flight to Baltimore. And I'm like, what

good is that going to do me? She said, well, Baltimore is real close to Washington and uh. And I'm like okay, So I flew to Baltimore. UM. So now it's like when we get off the plane, it's got to be midnight, so and the airport's like closed down. There's nobody there, and so I follow the other passengers out to this to this bus. Uh, and it says Washington, do you see on it? And everybody gets there are a lot of people get on this bus. So I get on the bus and we drive down to Washington

and we're downtown and they just let everybody out. And so it's, you know, one o'clock in the morning, carrying a lot of money hash and everybody just disappears, you know, and there were no cabs around. I was totally terrified. So I saw a security guard in a building, uh, through the glass, and I went over there and just banged on the glass until he finally came and opened the door. God bless him, And I said, I was just let out here. I don't know where I am.

I need to get to this romantic inn or whatever it was. Could you get a cab for me called come one at east kind of you know. But he did finally, and the cab came took me to the hotel. That that was a bit of an expense I hadn't counting on. So I stayed like five hours at the hotel. It's time to go to the doctor. So I get another a cab. I go over there. Uh, I go upstairs to the office. It was very nice. There were other young ladies there. Uh. They they took us back

in a little group to do our ucation. Uh. Finally I got some education. They had models there. They explained, you know, how you get pregnant and what happened. Does anybody way changed their mind? And then they explained birth control methods and you got to choose one and they sit you home with it. Uh so that was great. And then the time came for the procedure. I still have no idea what's going to happen. I don't know

how you what an abortion entails. And um so there's another gal comes and takes me to the procedure room and you didn't change into a gown or anything. He took off your slacks. I put my boots back on to hold my feet, Mistrus, they said. And so it's just very casual. And the doctor keep said, he was very nice. He explained everything that was happen good. I happened right before he did it, so that they picked

up the vacuum thing. By the time they turned it off, I was about to beg them to turn it up. It hurts so bad, but I didn't care. I wanted out at this mess. Uh did they just uh scraping? And he said, I think I've got it and took me out to lay on the couch. And I had to leave at three o'clock to the airport. So they said at two o'clock the bleeding wasn't too bad, I could go. I got a cab to the airport, took my flight straight back to Kiasa City from Washington. Uh.

The sweet mate's boyfriend picked me up. Uh took me back to school. Oh. The last day, they did, when you walk out the doors, give you a peak postcard and they've written an hundred number on it and they taped it dime to it. They said, if you have any problems, Paul, and they explained, you know, if you bleed this much, you take your temperature all the time.

And well, so I went back. Now, I haven't had anything to eat since Sunday at noon till Monday night, and the cafeteria is closed, so I had some stacks or something. And then the next day I got up, went about my business like nothing I happened. But Wednesday morning I woke up with a fever and I called the eight hundred number and they said, you got an infection. So they called the pharmacy in the city where the college was and got me some banbiotics. I had a

probably me to pay for that. I mean, there's just so many extra here. So I that was clear to that that was not a big deal. I wrote him a letter a boot camp, told him it went okay. They were gonna be okay. The next time I saw him was in June, when he got a break after bigcamp, before he was sick somewhere else. He came home and

and then I didn't. I only saw one more time in the next three years because he was stationed overseas, and when he came home for good, he was not the boy I had given the Marine Corps he had PTSD uh he was he got violent. If I had been there with a two year old, it doesn't bear thinking about. So it's really good that we did what we did. I've never had any regrets for a minute. Um M, that's that's it. My name is Victoria Amada. I am twenty three years old and I am from

the southwest side of Chicago. I had an abortion when I was twenty years old. I was in my third year of college. Um. It all really happened really fast. UM. I knew since before I even took the pregnancy tests. I had a very strong feeling that I was pregnant, and I knew exactly what I wanted to do even before I saw that the pregnancy test was positive. UM. I remember being really scared or just confused on what

my next steps were gonna be. UM. I had reached out to a friend because I heard that she um also had an abortion, So I was like, well, I need you know someone to help me out. UM. And when I had reached out to her, she was the one that helped me UM make the appointment, and she basically told me what her experience was like, and she told me that everything was gonna be okay. So I

went to a plant Parenthood. UM. I remember that they had called me like the day before the appointment just to remind me everything that I needed to do, Like I was gonna go under um anaesthesia, so I wasn't able to like eat the whole night before. UM. They basically went over the process. They told me to bring like a big Max the dad. They basically told me everything that I needed UM. They also told me that I needed to have someone there to drive me UM.

And they told me that it was basically going to be an all date thing. I feel like during that time, everything happened so fast and you just kind of feel like you're getting all of this information and at least for me, I just wanted it to be over with. Remember that it took a while because there was a lot of people UM in the clinic during that time that I went, and I remember it was just a lot of like like little steps UM. It was getting

the paperwork done and then getting an ultrasound UM. And what I really liked is that Parenthood or like the people that were there were very nice to me about when we know during the ultrasound, they said, well, you know, we won't give you a picture if you don't want one, Like if you don't want to know how many weeks you are, we won't tell you. And then after that it was like a lot of life blood work tests from what I remember, and then it was just waiting,

like waiting um for the doctor. And especially because I did a surgical one, the process was very quick. When I remember, I was you know, I remember just lay down there and like the next five minutes I was like in the recovery room. So everything, I guess the actual procedure was very fast, but the steps leading up to the procedure was very slow, and I was just, you know, I just wanted it to be over with.

I think one of the hardest parts of my abortion was feeling like I wasn't supported um and and this is just coming from a very religious background, where you know, abortion is something that you should be ashamed about, at least this is what I was taught ever since, like a young age. UM. So I felt like I couldn't

go to my parents or my cousin or anybody else. Um. Luckily, my sister was very supportive um and but because of the way I grew up, I felt like I couldn't even tell my friends UM and and I think that was just like the hardest part of it was the feeling that like internalized shame when I knew there was nothing to be ashamed about. I do share my abortion story. UM. I think that recently I started to be more comfortable

with sharing it. Before I would tell like my friends, UM, I started to tell my friends more about what happened

and you know, me having an abortion. And I felt like once I started sharing my abortion story, more people came up to me and like would tell me, oh, I had an abortion too, or even my friends whenever they have a pregnant be scared, like they come to me or And I think that there's something very powerful about that that people I feel like they could trust me with, you know, like the pregnancy scares and their

abortions stories. And I wish that I would have spoken about it sooner, because I wouldn't have felt so long if I would have just shared my story sooner. I consider my abortion the greatest act of self love that I did. UM. Because of that, I was able to choose me, like I chose my life, like I chose mychools. Um. Because of that, I was able to graduate college. And because of my abortion, I studied abroad and because of that,

I found real supportive friends. And you know, I found, um, you know, people who will love me because I know that because I unapologetically say that I had an abortion. And the reason why I get so emotional is it's just thinking back at the day that I got my abortion to now and like wishing I could go back and hugged myself and um and tell myself that that it's okay to have an abortion. And that's what I want every wants to know. When we come back, we'll

hear from Congresswoman Promila Jaya Paul. Congresswoman Promella Gia Paul's abortion journey ironically began when she became a parent. I have to start with the birth of my first child because it is it is essential to it. I had already had a baby and UM, my daughter, Kashika, who is trans um, was born at one pound fourteen ounces. She was um twenty six and a half weeks at the time. She was the size of a tiny squash.

She fit into the palm of my hand. And she was born in India and she was in the n I c U for a couple of months. We didn't know if she would live or die. She shouldn't really, by all medical accounts, be here today, UM, but she she went through numerous blood transfusions she um you know, I think it was maybe seven or eight. She would stop breathing regularly. She literally she none of her organs could function. So it was a extremely stressful time. We

didn't know whether or not she would make it. And UM, I also at the same time was supposed to be back in the United States to keep my green card permanent, and because I was not going to leave her side, my green card expired, and UM, they the United States

government told me that I couldn't come back. So it was a series of things, and we finally came back to the United States three months into her birth because she had hydro and cephalitisly had water in a brain, and we finally realized that we had to get her back to the United States. I was able to resolve my immigration issues. We came back to the country, and it still took a very long time, and she had seizures, all kinds of things, and I really struggled. Katie. UM,

and you know. This was one of the hard parts about talking about this was not just the birth and the experience of the birth, but what it does to us. And I went through postpartum depression. I went through post traumatic stress disorder. I contemplated suicide at one point, and I finally sought help. And I was also going through a divorce, my marriage suffered, and um. All of that was happening all at the same time, and I determined that I was not I wanted to have more children,

but I was not ready to have more children. I met a wonderful man. I took my contraception religiously. I was on the pill, I had backup methods. I did everything I thought I needed to be doing, and I got pregnant, and I realized that there was no possible way that I could go through with the pregnancy because I was still emotionally trying to become well myself, and I was also still trying to take care of my daughter, who was still very sick and still had a lot

of issues. And I just realized that there was no way the doctors could not guarantee. They said to me, we have no guarantee that your life will not be in the same danger as it was last time. They had told me, by the way in my first pregnancy that I could potentially die there was they put it at a sixty forty chance. Um, and I decided to go ahead, but I you know, I couldn't go through

that again with Kashika. And to this day it is hard to talk about, but UM, I think it brings about the really critical pieces of what you go through. And I was lucky, Katie because I live in a state where abortion is legal. We put it to the voters and the voters said, yes, abortion should be legal. And so I had an amazing abortion doctor who I'm still in touch with, who was compassionate and I have I had a wonderful partner who did everything he needed

to do to support me to make the decision. But it was my decision and it could only have been my decision. My name is Carly and I'm twenty five year old living in Charleston, South Carolina. I was in a not so um good relationship and UM started getting really sick, like I cook for a living and like these normal styles started to like make me nauseous and said, obviously it took a test in front I was pregnant.

I knew immediately that I was not ready. I was in no situation to have a child, and made an appoint with Plan Parenthood. And it took a while. I almost missed the UM twelve week mark down here, um because of how backed up, but it is there's only one clinic in my area that um, you know, manages abortion here and so I was able to get in and I had to do the actual procedure itself, not the pill, and um it was super traumatizing and the front staff was very very nice to me, like you know,

they were doing the bestday camp. But I felt like the doctor who was performing in like he it's almost like I would say, he was like he didn't like doing it, but he was like not very common, like it was just a very like almost hoss olevery tense place to be, Like he was like he was doing his medical duties, but like he was al once again, stay like that's it I felt in the room at

that time. And then um, they didn't really go like for the aftercare, like they make you sit in the room and I think you've to use the rest room before you I remember correctly, Um, but noone talks about like they they say there might be some spot, but doone talks about like the amount of like blood lost that can happen and how that's like that's typically normal. So like I was, like I took a few days off of work because it was just like so horrendous.

I was so sick, and they didn't really like explain that in detail. They were just kind of like, oh, all right, go on your merry way, and like didn't provide any support like um when he came to like abortion doulahs or any resources for like um mental health. And I think that probably kind of hindered like my healing process a little bit because I didn't know what

to do. Like it was just like okay and you're done, goodbye, And so that I think that was the town type of thing, because he was just like it's like still very under wrapped, even though you're like out of plant parenthood, Like I'm in the South, I'm in the Bible Belt, so it's just like even the clinic is still like super high hush, and then so it's just like I think, yeah, they just want you in and out. And then my family knew and they were sportive of my decision, but yeah,

it was just like we don't talk about it. Like any time I was upset, it was just like, oh, well, you know, it's this choice you made, and it's like that, yeah, but like not every choice in life, where whether it when it comes to abortion or not, there's choices we're gonna have to make in life that aren't easy choices.

And just because this one has to do with abortion doesn't take away from that hurt I personally felt when I went through that, and you know, like my partner was like upset with me or like months down the road, like you know, he finally like turned around was like, well, you know you should it's my say too, and so they got that stigment to like you know, like it was just like it's just all of it was just so much like and then yeah, we just don't talk

about it. I was almost ashamed because like I was like, wow, like not a lot of people go through this process. And then when I um I got diagnosed with HIV in the beginning of twenty I started to share my story because I became like an active for HIV care and then I found out how many people have had abortions or they've been with their friends and family members to support them, because like you typically take someone because they UM, sometimes they'll give you like anti anxiety meds beforehand.

And I was just like, wow, why don't why aren't we talking about this? And like it was that's when I really started to open up, and then it led to other people opening up, and I was just it was such it. And then when I started sharing my story, like everyone coming together and us talking about it like really helped me work through that and be like, wow, there's no there's no shame, there's nothing, and it was just we're just I was done being quiet about it.

My name is Belinda and I was seventeen when I had an abortion. I grew up in a pretty small town, about twelve thousand people, and it was raised I guess you could call it Southern Baptist um. You know, very just certain morals, certain things that you just didn't believe. Even abortion was one of those things. You know. I always thought, who does that? That's a horrible thing. I would never do that. And then when I was seventeen years old, UM I was date raped by UM, an

old boyfriend. I was getting ready to start college and after that happened to me. It is incredible to me that there was never even a second in my mind about what I was going to do. There was never you know, oh, I've been for seventeen years. This is what I've been raised. That's horrible. What should I do? It was, this is what I'm going to do. I'm going to terminate this pregnancy. I'm seventeen, I have college. The way it happened, it was just too much. So

that's what led me to decide to get the abortion. So. UM, I had an older sister who I don't have a relationship with now, but she had had one, and so I reached out to her. You know, of course my close girlfriends knew, and you're so young and naive that even though I probably did for pregnancy tests, take home pregnancy tests, I still was like, no, I'm not pregnant. I'm not pregnant. I'm you know. Um. So I told my sister, who again I don't have a relationship with her,

but she ended up telling her mother. And so I came home one day, UM and just came into the house and my my mom was It was funny because my mom was upset and she said she handed me this bottle of prescription medication and she said, take these. So if you're not starting your period because of stress, you'll start your period. So she had called the dog her and said this is what's so. I don't have any idea what that was, but if you know, if it was going to happen naturally, I would have started

and I didn't, and so my mother got involved. I probably didn't tell my mom the truth of the story until probably around I would stay around nineteen ninety. It took me a long time to tell her what had actually happened. But so, yeah, my mom was involved. And funny, we had a doctor in my town that delivered babies but also did abortions. You know, this was in three

and so um that's you know. My mom called and made me the appointment, and then I went with a family member because my mother had to work and couldn't go with me. But it just was never talked about after that point. It wasn't something I ever thought I would do. I was I didn't believe in it. I didn't think people should do it, and when I made the decision, I just never looked back. It was it was the right choice, and I stand by it to

this day. I was in grad school for Sexual and Reproductive Health UM during my Master of Public health at Columbia, and I found out I was pregnant a few months before graduation, and I UM, it was a really weird week. It happened to be the week that in multiple classes we were focusing specifically on pregnancy UM, and that was

completely coincidental UM. But because of my my access and also UM kind of the knowledge that I had from my professional work UM, I felt pretty comfortable with what I knew kind of the steps to take UM about how to access the care that I wanted to access. So UM I made an appointment with my primary care doctor in Brooklyn UM to confirm the pregnancy, and simultaneously made an appointment at Planned Parenthood UM, and I knew that I wanted to have an in clinic abortion, even

though I knew that I was very early. I have some chronic illnesses so UM. I tend to be very sensitive to a lot of medications, and UM I was much more comfortable with the idea of having a surgical abortion than rather than using the medication pills that UM affect hormones. Obviously, that's how they work. UM, So I made an appointment UM and in the meantime, I went to my doctor about about two days before. It was Thursday. My appointment was on Saturday, UM and she confirmed my pregnancy.

And then the other reason I went to her is because I was already having really, really really intense nausea and UM I wanted to see whether she could prescribe some kind of stronger anti nausea medication that could help me, even just in those two days and then in the following days before the pregnancy hormones kind of subsided after the procedure UM and UM, I had a specific idea of a drug that I take for UM for my migraine that I've always had a really good response to.

UM and I asked whether I could UM kind of re up my prescription for that because I was running out at home and UM she looked up kind of the drug interactions and whatever and said, you know all this maybe you know just so you know, there's a somewhat of an interaction with your anti depressants. So I was aware of that because I had taken the medication before. UM and I said, you know, thank you for telling me.

I'm I'm comfortable with taking it. UM. And then a moment later she stopped and said, actually, I don't know that I want to give this to you because it says here that it's not recommended for pregnant women. And I was confused and said, well, I know that I'm pregnant now, but it's not going to be much longer. Um. And she refused to give me the medication because she was afraid that I would change my mind. UM, And I was. I was shocked, honestly, and also really upset

by the interaction. Has It felt like she was giving me her own personal waiting period. I was in a state that has a state mandated waiting period. Um, because the idea that saying I want an abortion of you're going to have to wait forty eight hours and check again and if you still want it, then I'll give it to you. UM. It felt like that. And UM, you know, no matter how much I said to her, there is zero chance I'm going to change my mind. There is absolutely zero chance. I know for certain this

is what I want to do. UM. And it's also two days away. She didn't budge, and UM, I know that it has to do with you know, She was afraid of legal ramifications of her choice more so than you know, the moral ones. But it doesn't change the fact that it meant that her fear around at and this kind of belief that I could potentially change my mind, even though I was an adult telling her I wasn't going to UM and it was again two days away. UM that superseded basically the quality of care that I

should have received in that appointment UM. And she ended up prescribing me a pregnancy specific specialty drug UM that my insurance didn't cover when I went to go pick it up UM, and it was going to be hundreds of dollars UM. Obviously, I wasn't interested in doing that. I was I was really uncomfortable with how nauseated I was, But it wasn't you know, I wasn't going to the emergency room level, I wasn't vomiting UM. I was fine. It was just really more to do with my comfort.

So I said, no, I'm fine. I sent my primary care doctor a message and explained, and I asked her a again, please just give me this medication that I know is safe for me to take, given all I've taken it before. I have a good response, I'm not keeping this pregnancy UM, and she ended up getting it to me. UM. She prescribed a few pills and UM. I never went back to her ever again. I didn't

even tell her why. I was just UM. Absolutely, I just felt like my trust or it felt like she didn't trust me because she didn't UM, and that meant that for me, especially with chronic illnesses, my relationship with my doctors is so incredibly important to me UM and having feeling like they don't trust me is like, that's not gonna work for me. So UM. When I ended up going to get the abortion UM two days later,

I hold the UM the doctor and UM. I had to physicians and UM a couple of nurses in the room, and they were absolutely lovely. They were really interested in my work and UM and I told them about this story but would happened with my primary care doctor and they were horrified UM. And also told me that actually the drug that she was afraid of prescribing to me is prescribed off label all the time for morning sickness

UM and is UM. It's just a case of the fact that clinical research hasn't definitively proven it's safe for UM for the pregnancy. UM not it's definitely safe for the person who's pregnant. UM, and there's no evidence to suggest it isn't safe. It just hasn't been definitively proven that it is. UM and UM. You know, the care that I received there was absolutely amazing. I was I was in and out in less than maybe four hours. Even though there's the ultrasound and lots of counseling and

UM it was. It always felt very comfortable and UM like my like I was being respected and trusted. UM. And I had an abortion do LA and that was really wonderful. UM. Even just having the option made me feel so much more uncomfortable that they were even considering kind of the emotional UM needs of the patient and UM. The only other kind of hiccup that happened to do with my abortion was that I had confirmed with my health insurance that they would cover it. UM. I called them,

I looked at the UM explanation of coverage. I looked at everything, and it was very clear that abortion was covered. Then I received a bill for a few hundred dollars UM from Planned Parenthood, and I called my insurance and I was confused, and they explained that oh, actually, only medically necessary abortions are covered, and they had never mentioned

that before. UM, and they just made it sound like there was some kind of like miscommunication around whether it was UM, in their words, an elective abortion or UM medically necessary one. UM. But then UM, you know I was. I had the abortion for two main reasons. One, I don't want children, now that's a good one UM. And then the other thing is because of my chronic illnesses, I'm at a higher risk of pregnan and see complications.

And it was absolutely consideration for me UM that I wasn't comfortable with the idea of continuing a pregnancy given my health and UM my insurance. The person I spoke to UM said that I would be able to kind of retrospectively at UM at a letter from a doctor saying that my abortion was medically necessary and then they

would retrospectively cover it. UM. And I reached out to my geneticist and explained what had happened, and UM, they wouldn't write the letter because they said that there wasn't enough research done into my conditions and how they interact with pregnancy. And as somebody who works in you know, public health from in reproductive health specifically and also have

these conditions. I know that that's not true. UM. There has been plenty of research very clearly linking the genetic disorder that I have with higher risk pregnancy complications and

often worsened symptoms post pregnancy. UM and knowing that plenty of people end up getting UM approvedramatically necessary abortions for various health conditions, including mental health reasons UM and the fact that they wouldn't acknowledge that my chronic illnesses would be a valid reason to not want to continue a pregnancy even without the absolutely clear research that does exist UM, they ended up make it meant that I ended up having to pay for it out of pocket UM, and

I had no clue that that was going to happen, but because of my financial situation, I was able to pay for it myself. And UM. In lots of ways, my story is kind of an example of someone with a lot of privilege geographic, financial, UM, informational, the fact that I work in this space UM, and I think kind of the one area in which that I don't

have a lot of privileges is my health. And it was kind of ironic that I was experiencing these barriers um as a somewhat related to my health conditions, but then also through my doctors, um that they were the people who were kind of getting in the way between of me being having the access or it wasn't even access I went, stopping me from getting an abortion. They were just making it a little harder, um and more uncomfortable.

And then also like this area, this kind of sense that they didn't trust me, um is was kind of um even worse um than than than the actual consequences of what happened. Although having to pay for um the abortion was pretty sad, um, but it was possible, so you know, I didn't It wasn't the end of the world, but it was it could have been for somebody else, you know, it could have been a much bigger deal for another person. And um, I think about that all

the time. Honestly. My name is Natasha ko Techi and I am forty six years old, and I had an abortion when I was seventeen years old. I um, you know, I had a sexual relationship with two guys one summer before my senior year. I was free. I was exploring my own sexuality, which was very important and and I think that is something at the heart of women's reproductive justice that we don't often think about um sexuality, and I think I think it has a lot to do

with UM. With this also, but um. And I found myself pregnant uh a couple of weeks after school started, and of course I called both of them, and both of them said, well, it's not mine, because suddenly I was, you know, the virgin Mary um. And they turned the backs on me and left me to figure it out. So I called my cousin who lived in Maryland, and she was She really stepped up to the plate for me. She did everything, she arranged everything. I didn't even bot

an eyelid. And you know, I often struggle with the fact that I didn't even think twice about it. I it was always you're having an abortion. I never even thought, oh my god, let me think about this, let me see how it's going to go. It was. That was never the case. It was always I was having an abortion. UM. So thankfully I had a cousin who was older than me, who was able to take care of everything, and she did, and I met her at the clinic and she paid

for it. I never paid her back, which I still feel very guilty about to this day, and I talked about with her often. UM And that was it. After that, all of my friends abandoned to me. I had no friends my whole senior year of high school. I went to a very small Catholic high school. I was one of fifteen graduating seniors. UM My supposed best friend who I went to school with, made it her business to

tell everyone my business. UM and I had to confide in adults at my school that I had had an abortion. UM And in the handbook, the student handbook, it's specifically states that if you have an abortion, that we can remove you from the school. Now. Thankfully, the two adults that I had confided in did not tell anyone that had me removed from the school. But it was, you know, it was a very you know, it's a very Catholic school. UM. And so that year was hell for me. Living hell,

I mean I was. I didn't struggle with the decision initially, but living with it without having a support system was really difficult for me. And UM, I fell into what I would call a depression. But I don't think it was a depression because of my abortion. I think it was a depression because I was sad and lonely that I didn't have any friends or support system. Um, and you know that manifests itself in different ways, and you know,

kind of snowball when I graduated from my school. But that's my story, and you know, honestly, I thought about it. I think about I used to think about it all the time. I think about it all the time now because it's front and center of the news cycle. Um,

But it did consume me for a long time. And I think what bothered me is that I didn't have anyone, you know, and and even my cousin who had set everything up, she wasn't able to provide the emotional support that I needed, which is why I became an abortion Duela. It's one of the most rewarding and um, you know, as I said in my Shout your Abortion story, I needed to become who I needed and that has helped

me in more ways than I can ever express. Once again, here's renamed Bracy Sherman from We testify my goal with whatever we do with we testify, whether it's any of our campaigns or efforts like it is to end the stigma, which the pervasive belief all around us that abortion is something to be whispered and not talked about. UM. To end that stigma, to end the way that people who have abortions are treated with disrespect and just like lack of any sort of autonomy or used for our stories.

UM and create a world in which we are loved and honored and celebrated and supported. And to teach people who haven't had abortions how to love us and how to show up for that loved one in your life who needs an abortion, because there is one, I promise, and they are hoping that they can come to you for some support. And they have been listening to everything you say along the way to see whether or not

you're a safe person. And so everything we do, all our social media and art projects and campaigns, they're beautiful, and we want them to be a beautiful mirror of people who have abortions, because we know that we're beautiful people who just walk among us. We're asked to do it silently, and I'm saying that we shouldn't need to do that anymore. If you want to share your own abortion story, connect with other storytellers, or find ways to help, you can visit we testify dot Org, as well as

shout your Abortion dot Com. Thank you again for listening, everyone, for sharing your thoughts, and for sharing this podcast. We hope it encourages, at the very least conversations around this important but often taboo topic. Check out the description of this episode for more ways you can help and organizations and people you can follow to stay engaged in the fight for reproductive rights. Abortion. The Body Politic is executive produced by me Katie Couric and was created by small

team led by our intrepid supervising producer Lauren Hansen. Editing and sound designed by Derrick Clements, researched by Nina Perlman, and a special thanks to CASEM producers Fortney Litz and Adriana Fasio.