¶ Intro / Opening
If one of your deep fears is being alone and or losing people , I think success is probably going to be much harder for you than it would be for somebody who didn't have those fears , because success is probably going to require you to shed people that are not serving you consciously optimizing for being liked and relatable and fitting in .
And it wasn't until after a car accident at 26 , 10 years ago , that I realized I have to be me and I have to stand out to be the most successful version of myself .
Welcome to Next Level University . I'm your host , kevin Palmieri , and I'm your co-host , alan Lazarus . At NLU , we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers .
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¶ When friends react to your growth
free . Welcome to Next Level University , next Level Nation today for episode number 2051 . You can't win with the wrong people around you .
We were having a conversation with somebody recently and this person is very into growth , they're very into personal development and they have been sharing things that they're passionate about on their stories , on their social medias and they said , yeah , I had a couple of friends reach out . I'm like yeah , that's awesome . He's like no , nope , not awesome .
Ah , that type of reach out and it was just very oh , you're , oh , you're into , you're into doing book clubs . Now , it was that it was . And the other one , I think , was more toxic . I don't remember exactly what it was , but here's this is the sad truth . There's there's three things that can happen . One , you sail away to they sail closer .
Or three , you have a very open conversation and say , look what you're saying to me , the way you're treating me , the attitude , whatever it is , is not going to fly .
And if that's , if that's how you see things , if you think me going to a book club is stupid , or insert word here this friendship is not going to work anyway , because this is the direction I'm I'm going in .
¶ Sailing away from toxic connections
But I think we were on a team call one time and I said I always feel I always feel challenged on certain calls because everybody on the team is going through something similar and what people were going through is they were going through sailing away from from people that they had been close with .
And I said honestly , if anything , I see this as a positive because now you're allowed to be more of who you are and you're seeing that they never were going to value you for you , anyway , you've just opened yourself up a little bit more and that was the straw that broke the camel's back and now you know they don't .
They don't F with you , they don't F with the real you . I think this is a positive thing , not a negative thing . But I also have a weird relationship with relationships .
Well , kev , in order to lose friends , you first have to have them , you know what I mean . That you've been holding that in the whole time .
Is that true ? No , yeah , definitely some of it .
Yeah , probably the last third strong , the last third I saw you reading away .
I don't know . I don't know if you got some sort of text message or if you were ordering dinner or what it might be , but I was listening . I apologize I'm totally yeah kevin and I .
He knew I was doing something to contribute to this episode , so if it looks on youtube like I was ignoring- I hope I knew I was doing something to contribute to this episode . So if it looks on YouTube like I was ignoring him the whole time , I hoped you were doing something . If it looks like I was ignoring him the whole time , I was .
I'm kidding , all right . So who you surround yourself
¶ Top five essentials for success
with ?
Did you forget what you were going to say ? Nope , I hoped you did .
It was karma if you did long pause , long pause . Who you surround yourself with has got to be top five things . It's got to be for top five most important things . Who you end up with your intimate partner , most important thing . I think that's the most important decision of your life . I do believe Emilia and I were on a walk . We were talking about that .
That one choice . You get that wrong , you are in some trouble .
Oh yeah , automatic resistance .
Automatic challenges for life yeah automatic Whoa . Number two self-belief . Got to be Building self-belief , I'd say that's number one . Number one is self-belief . Number two who you choose as a partner ?
Number three , I think is humility . Self-worth's number two . Self-worth affects who you choose as a partner .
That's a great point Okay .
Come at me bro .
I can get on board with that Self-belief , self-worth , who you choose as a partner . Humility I never used to know . I didn't understand Humility . So important . The moment you think you know , first of all , what you don't know is limitless . What you do know is very limited Humility . Humility is way more important than I ever imagined .
That is like one of the main things I look for now . If you have humility and work ethic , we can rock . I can get you to some awesome places Like we just got to brainstorm , we got to work it out , we got to get the strategy , we got to get your state right . We got this . But if you don't have humility and work ethic , forget it Seriously .
And then the last one is who you surround yourself with . You are the sum average of the five people you spend the most time with . It's a Jim Rohn quote . A lot of different quotes come around this . There was a Harvard study . I don't remember the exact study so I'm going to keep it high level .
Essentially , 94% of your results in life come down to what they call your reference group , aka who you unconsciously compare to . Who you compare to dictates a lot of what you say , think , do , feel and believe . So , for example , kev is into fitness now . He's been really killing it Into fitness now .
¶ How your circle shapes your future
You better watch your fucking mouth . Let's be real For a minute . There you were not . You were not that I was growing . The business is what I was doing . Well , I need you to grow your biceps , I am dealing with the business . I was tasked with growing the business .
I had to grow it but I was concerned and we've talked about this before but for the new listeners , I was concerned that my reference group was falling off the bodybuilder train because when kev , his best friend , matt , myself , we all did bodybuilding shows , we all worked out together . I mean , we were animals . Man , I miss that .
I miss that and I thought we were losing it . I thought we were losing it . I said , kev , this is next level university , this isn't dad bod university . Well , we were losing it . In fairness , we were , yeah for sure . And I came to Kev I was like dude , I need you , man , modeling and fitness competitions .
By the way , in hindsight they were making fun of me . I was in great shape , for sure . Why make fun of someone who is like bettering their life Because you let ?
them .
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I didn't realize that I was letting them .
I think that's such a common thing . It's like again , this is one of those things like I just don't understand that much . I'm certain of that . Again , weird relationships with relationships . But if you want to make fun of what I'm doing , you can get the fuck out . What are you doing here ? Just holding space ? I don't what . What are you doing here ?
Just holding space ? I don't have time for this .
I , by the way , for anyone out there on my end of things , I know because I always struggled with this you know , I have no idea for sure no , no , but but it's not just that .
For anyone out there who doesn't it sound so it sounds so easy , that sounds so simple , and it's not .
It's like no , no , but it is well , it is and it isn't .
Yeah , tactically it is . Is that how I ?
sound when we talk about goals . Yeah , yeah , yeah , it's just like you set the goal .
But I know it's not as easy as I say it is . I think that's the difference , good sir . Good sir , I would rather be successful and fulfilled and alone than none of those things and have people around me that are negative . I don't , I , I didn't think I was going to be successful . I can't . I have to get rid of the dead weight .
I don't mean it in that negative way . Dead weight is not , it's not somebody who is not as into personal development . That that's not what I mean . When I say dead weight , I mean somebody who is literally pulling me backwards on someone , making fun of you and , yes , yes , being toxic .
I I tell Kevin this a lot lately . This is my new thing . We got off an interview earlier and I was pretty intense . As a matter of fact , on the last episode I'm working through my discomfort of how intense I got on that one . I said was I disrespectful , was I entitled or was I toxic ? And Kev said no . I said okay'm gonna . This is a joke .
I'm saying this is a joke in advance because otherwise it'll come off toxic . Hey , kev . Um , if I'm ever disrespectful , entitled or toxic , call me out , otherwise shut your fucking mouth . I'm joking , I'm kidding , I'm literally joking . But seriously , I , I literally said that to the entire nlu team .
I've been saying that is , I don want to be disrespectful , I don't want to be toxic and I don't want to be entitled . But honestly , I do need to be me and I do need to call a spade a spade and I need to be able to like . You do like , okay . Let me give you an example .
If you're out there watching or listening , if you're here for Kevin , you're not going to like this . If you're here for me , you will . You need goals . I'm just going to say it . You need to have goals . Okay , if you don't have goals and you have no idea of what that's doing to you . Not having goals automatically means you're less dialed in .
It means you can't reverse engineer a goal you don't have . It means you don't have as much . Why power and incentive to reach your potential ? No one ever reached their potential by accident , and so , again , that's just an example of I have to be hardcore I don't want to be disrespectful of . I have to be hardcore . I don't want to be disrespectful .
Speaking of which , if you are surrounding yourself with people who are toxic , entitled and disrespectful , like I did , you have to sail away . You have to find a way to sail away . This is what I wrote earlier on my post . I said it's unfortunate that smart decisions that help us build a bigger , better and brighter future in the long term are often ridiculed .
Priorities , metrics and habits aren't quote-unquote cool . Working out daily dieting and tracking calories aren't quote-unquote cool . Quitting drinking , going to bed early and optimizing for brain health isn't quote-unquote cool . Personal development , self-improvement and personal growth aren't quote unquote cool . Well , if that's true , then I don't want to be cool .
I want to be healthy , productive , successful , fulfilled and jacked as fuck . Nice , I'm joking about that . I didn't write that .
That's fine , too much of a coward to say that you should have . Yeah , you should have said that .
Who's with me ? Exclamation point , question mark , high five hands . And , if anyone wants a daily dose of success and personal development content . This clip is from episode 1994 the year I was born of the next level university podcast . This isn't about next level us , it's about next level you , your own unique version of success . Hope to see you over there .
Pun intended , 1994 was the year emilia was born actually congrats , congrats on that , yeah , yeah .
So I got a question . We're going to wrap it up with a question here Because this I don't have a good answer for this , because I'm weird . What does somebody do if they're terrified of being alone and they only , unfortunately , have people around them that are shitty people ?
¶ What to do if you’re scared to be alone
If you're around people that are disrespectful , entitled and toxic , you need to do a people audit . And here's what you do . You close your eyes and you say I know .
I want to want to believe that this person is good for me , but deep , deep , deep down in my gut , I know this person is not good for me and they don't want to see me win , they don't want to see me flourish . Write those people down and just slowly start to sail away and it gets easier . It gets so much easier over time .
I wanted to want to believe that everybody wanted what was best for me , and maybe they just were too scarce to want what was best for me . Maybe they don't have self-belief , or they don't have self-worth , or they don't have self-esteem , or maybe they're insecure and pretending they're not , or maybe they're just fucking bullies .
I think a lot , of a lot of them are . Well , what's ?
what was best for you was not them . So it's hard . It's hard for them to want's like we . We've said this before there's different types of people . There's people that want to see you win . There's people that don't really care whether you win . There's people that want to see you lose .
There's people that want to see you win regardless of them , and it would take . If they weren't good for you , they wouldn't be the type of person that wanted you to win , regardless of them . Right ? That doesn't work that way , really .
That last one is the is the one that's the one you want . Yeah , go through those again real quick .
¶ Find people who want your best
The people that want . They want what's best for you . They don't want what's best for you , they don't really care , they're indifferent for your success . And then people who want what's best for you regardless of themselves , that last one is the cheat code .
That's the one . That last one is the cheat code .
That's the one . That last one is the best . But if you had those people in your life , it wouldn't matter , because they'd say no , you know what , you're better off without me . You'd be like , no , I'm not better off without you because you just said I'd be better off without you , which suggests you have humility and you're supportive .
That's the whole thing .
That's the whole thing . All right , if you're dealing with this , you're not alone . This is common as hell . This is one of the hardest parts of growth . This is one of the hard . Again , I've struggled with this , just in a different way . I'm weird with stuff like this . I didn't think I was going to be successful .
The last thing I was going to do is hang on to somebody who wasn't supportive of me trying to be .
Get rid of self-preservation If you don't believe is sinking .
I need to throw everything that isn't helping it stay afloat overboard . I have to . I owe that to myself . I owe that to my family .
I need to find a way to make this successful . Plug holes in the ship . It's all good , we're going to make it regardless .
It's called arrogant . Could you drill a smaller hole please ? Why are you drilling the biggest like ? Make one smaller than that . All right , we got to go . As
¶ Outro
always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we do not have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .
Keep it next level , next Level Nation .
Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University . We love connecting with the Next Level family .
We university , we love connecting with the next level family .
We mean it when we say family . If you ever need anything , please reach out to us directly . Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes . Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow .