Should You Learn From People You Don’t Like? (2076)

I don't know if this is a strength . I don't know if it's a weakness . Well , we're going to talk about it today .

This is not going to go well . And this person was just like they were over the top and they were not very self-aware . They thought they were super self-aware . I was not a fan of this person and at some point they were like trying to coach me and they're like well , you know , everybody can learn something from everybody .

And in my head I was thinking I'm not going to learn anything from you . I don't want to learn anything from you . I to learn anything from you . I don't like you , I don't , I don't . It's very hard for me to parse out the value while disliking someone . So I said to Alan I said do you think that would be a valuable episode ?

Because I'm sure there's a ton of lessons out there from

people that I don't like and like Grant Cardone's always an example I use in this podcast . I don't like him , so I'm not not going to learn anything from him . I've already convinced myself in my mind that listening to his stuff is not worth it and slash , I think I'm also okay with not getting the value , even if it's there .

I don't believe that there's like some life-altering thing that I'm missing out on . And even if there was , why can't I find it in somebody that I like ?

I did the traditional kindergarten , no , preschool , kindergarten , middle school , high school , college and corporate . And in high school , kev was not my biggest fan . I think that what you're saying if you are mature and physically , mentally , emotionally and spiritually well-developed , I think that's good Like .

At this stage , if I was your coach , I wouldn't say I don't know . Man , you should really go learn from people you don't like . No , but there was a time in the past where you and I you were more emotionally driven and I was more rational and logical Still the case , but it was extreme before .

And the people that I resonated with , that I wanted to interview you didn't want to interview . And the people you wanted to interview I kind of didn't want to interview and we drove to five , which is good because we learned a lot of stuff we wouldn't have otherwise .

And I think that that's the dangerous game of only learning from people you like , because what if you dislike them based on ignorance ?

There's a speech by someone who I don't like at all , but the speech is world-class and the more I dislike this man , the harder it is for me to learn from him . But I can override those biases . The disliking bias states that you are less likely to believe someone if you don't like them . That's actually one of the biggest problems I have in life .

What I'm saying is really valuable , but a lot of people shut off to it because they don't like me . Seriously , it's just be , and for the engineers and physicists and scientists out there , people don't like you that much and that makes you have less influence .

Unfortunately , that's actually one of the biggest challenges I face today is how do I be a leader and be influential without being liked ? And you have to choose being . You have to be liked and also respected , and also people have to believe in you and they have to believe what you say has merit and you have to have the results , but you also can't be .

You have to be far ahead , but you can't be too far ahead . It's a whole fucking thing . It's really quite annoying .

I started listening to it and I it might as well be sell your fucking soul to get people to validate and like you . And there's the how to win friends and influence people and all this stuff . It's very scary when you start molding yourself to try to be more liked because you can't . Everyone has an opinion .

If I love Titanic and Kevin loves Titanic , the movie , there's going to be at least 20% of the population that says what are you soft bro like Titanic really ?

But if you focus more on the people that don't like you , which tends to be a cognitive bias as well , when you get rocks thrown at you , you tend to take that feedback harder than the people that are saying , oh , I love Titanic too , and so we would give speeches and there'd be one person there's one person I'm referring to I back harder than the people that

are saying , oh , I love Titanic too , and so we would give speeches and there'd be one person . There's one person I'm referring to . I refer to as Danny Daggers , and this guy fucking hated me and I gave him more attention than the people that loved my speech . I didn't mean to , it's just you identify the threat .

It's like , oh , this dude fucking hates me , and so , at the end of the day , I think it's very dangerous . We're all a warning and an example and you can learn from people , even if it's what not to do , and I think it's important to stay open .

But also try , obviously , to find people that you like , like Brian Tracy boring as shit , but I like the guy and I love learning from him , so that works . But there's some people that are really , really intelligent that I can learn something from . That I actually don't like at all , and that's really tough . It's tough .

I went to school and college with some of the just genius engineers right , you learn so much from these people , even though some of them are really arrogant . There's one I'm thinking of right now that I will not say aloud , but he's arrogant as fuck .

Like he's kind of an asshole , to be honest not even kind of , but he's really smart and I learned a shitload from him . And he's hilarious too . I don't know if I'd call him toxic . I think he can be at times , but I'm I'm not the biggest fan , I don't .

I don't think he's the first person I'd call to hang out with , but I'll tell you what he's the first person I'd call when I'm studying for electronics , and I think there's something there .

There is , but at the same time , when you and I first met , you had an aversion to people that were extremely intelligent , because you were insecure about your intelligence , and I think that and again , correct me if I'm wrong here , but I think we all have these protectors . So , oh , not like me . So I'm instead of saying you know what ?

I'm not that smart and I want to be around smarter people so that I can get smarter . You would just assume smart people were arrogant , and in some cases they actually were right , I don't know that's .

He'll tell you exactly what to buy . I had massive respect for the fact that this person was so smart when it comes to that . But I also knew this person . They were very kind .

a they were a nice person . Hello , hello , hello NLU listener . Thank you , as always , for listening to Next Level University . Real quick . I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner . This is a journal that I use every single day . Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time .

It breaks down your dreams into goals , milestones and daily habits . We hope you enjoy it . The link will be in the show notes . This goes back to what we talked about in the last episode . If you did not listen to the previous episode . These episodes go hand in hand . 2074 and 2075? . 2075 , 2076 . Okay 2075 , 2076 .

Okay , 2075 and 2076 go hand in hand , because Kevin's obsession is being a good person . And then there's , we got to go dig deeper . What does it mean to be a good person ? Be kind to other people and don't bully people .

You ever thought of that ? You ever thought of fucking right off to the corner , like what's the dude's trying ? Like what are you ? What's , what are we doing here ? You're not as good as you think . You want me to tear you apart and how you aren't in good shape . Like no , you don't want that . You should that .

Nice , that dude that always fires me up . But you think I'm gonna learn anything from this dude ? No , definitely not a fucking chance ? definitely not . I don't care if he has a , a 75 million dollar company and he has all the answers . I don't want him . You keep those answers and I'll go find them somewhere else or I'll just suffer for longer .

But we've had mentors .

I can't tell if I just learned from too many people with poor character or if you were not open-minded enough I think it's both I I do I think it's both honestly , it's definitely both yeah it's both dude . And ideally you'd find people to learn from that also have good character , that is not that easy to do , though .

I am going to learn from somebody who is successful and a good person . That's two checkboxes . I'm going to learn from somebody who is successful , a good person and good for the world . That's three checkboxes , and the more checkboxes you have , the smaller the sample sizes , the smaller the nice work is . That is that fact . Did I say things nice that ?

Character , success and one more uh , good for the good good person , good for the world , successful . Give me , give me another one , because good for the world and good person are probably the same . They're very similar , so give me a different one . Let's say in shape , in shape , okay , that's been tough for me .

For this there's certain there's one person I love his thinking . His name is dan . I'm going to use first names only because I don't want to shit on people . His name is Dan and he's very big in the business space and , as a business student and teacher , I want to learn from people in business and I love this dude's books and his thinking is really good .

He's got some mental frameworks that are powerful . I'll give you one the 25 year framework . In 25 years , that's a hundred quarters . What could you do with a hundred quarters ? I mean that's just like whoa , I have a hundred fucking quarters . Dreamliner , unapologetic plug Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time . 90 days is a quarter .

A hundred of these dialed in every single day , I mean you can . You can change the world in your own unique way . All right . So his name's Dan . I love his thinking , but it was hard for me to see him speak . He's not a good speaker . He's not in even reasonable shape . He doesn't have any of the other core values I have . He also is kind of arrogant .

He is lazy . To be completely honest , he's kind of fucking lazy . So it's harder for me to learn from him because he doesn't share work ethic , he doesn't share humility . He doesn't share fitness like I do , but I still learn from the guy . So this is a good conversation because well , that was the goal .

It's not , that's you're love you . You're a good person . You're a good person . I know you behind the scenes . I know you behind the scenes and you're good for the world .

So if it's one in a hundred , one in a hundred , one in a hundred , that's one in a million , and if you're looking for a mentor , you might want to start where you are . So that's my thesis .

My next level lesson is get a mentor in your immediate , someone who you can access , and get a mentor or a coach , and they don't have to be perfect , but as long as they check a couple of the boxes , it's good to have a . It's good to have a mediocre mentor than no mentor .

But if you can get one that you respect and admire and shares all the core values and is a good person and is in shit like , of course , obviously right , so yeah yeah , I would say again if you feel dirty after learning from the person , that's a sign .

You added a lot of value . I tried to add some value too . It was a great topic . It was a good topic . I feel like we had good prep for these two episodes .

We have a charity , book club , monthly meetups , facebook group , group coaching , one-on-one coaching . There's a lot of stuff . So you're interested , head on over to nextleveluniversecom and maybe there is something there for you , whether it's book club or whatever . Whatever it may be .

We're going to play sports , we're going to do face paint , we're going to have music . It's going to be awesome , it's totally free . We're going to have pizza . We do this every father's day and every holiday season for children of single parents . We already have some RSVPs that have come through .

If you are in the greater Worcester area , if you are from Massachusetts or Connecticut or within an hour drive or two hour drive , please , please , please reach out to myself or Kevin . Our emails and social media links will be in the show notes . Sunday , june 29th . June 29th . Thank you , june 29th . You're very welcome .

welcome , all right , as always . We love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .