¶ Intro / Opening
Back to fundamentals today . We used to talk about identity a lot and I think for a long time we just kind of we didn't forget about it , but we didn't treat it as the level of value that it actually is and , honestly , one of the things that might be holding you back or propelling you forward more than anything else is your identity .
In high school I was the nerd or the quote-unquote smart kid , so I did whatever I could to leverage that identity , stay in that identity , prove myself in that identity . Kevin was the athlete and he did the same .
Welcome to Next Level University . I'm your host , kevin Palmieri , and I'm your co-host , alan Lazarus . At NLU , we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers .
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Welcome to Next Level University , next Level Nation . Today , for episode number 2097 , is your identity holding you back ? Real quick apologies that yesterday's episode did not drop on time . That was on me . Google drive is out here messing up my life , I swear to you . I uploaded the episodes . For some reason they didn't get uploaded . Team messaged me this morning .
A bunch of people messaged me on social media hey , where's the episode you guys missed ? No , we did not miss . It will be late , but it was late . But we did the episode , I promise .
One of my clients shout out to you , cole . He said he reached out and said hey , just so you know .
Yeah , cole reached out to me as well , out to me as well . Talk about accountability . I love it . Oh , that's , it's beautiful . I appreciate it , but yes , I promise we didn't miss the episode . Just didn't get uploaded to g drive for some reason .
¶ From loser to leader mindset
Real quick for the team yes , I know that you have a story about why we're doing this episode I do . One of the things that came up for me when we were planning on doing this episode was at one point , you believed you were a loser .
Yeah .
Okay , yeah , and we can laugh about it now because you're not Kev playfully behind the scenes . When I first logged on he said I need you to humble me a little bit Because we're getting some big W's clients , all this kind of stuff .
Question for you what is it like to shift from that identity of I thought I was going to be an unsuccessful loser gas station attendant townie , to now I'm getting more clients than I can handle .
I don't think I have . Yeah , I don't think I have , and I think that's the reason I'm quote unquote , winning , because I still have the same . I don't it's not an internal identity that I have , but I still kind of treat it the same of . There was a question in next level nation .
I don't remember the exact question , but it was something along the lines of how do you , how do you talk to yourself when things are going really well or things are going terribly , whatever . Whatever it was , and I said , right now we have a ton of momentum , but I have to remind myself that it does not take that much for that momentum to stop .
Oh yeah , It'll go down faster than it went . Off the second you , take the second you cool .
You're watering a plant , you plant a seed and that seed it's , it's . It's really hard for it to break through the seed and then to blossom . And okay , you're watering it and you're putting sun on it . You're watering it , boom , boom , boom , and then it's just crushing biggest plant that's ever been .
You stop taking care of that thing , it's gonna die , it's gonna die . So that's kind of how I'm trying to think of it love it , the , the .
I want to share this because I want our listeners to come with us on this journey . I don't want to . We're strivers , not arrivers . And uh , kevin and I have had some really big ups and downs on this business journey and we're talking about success here .
So success journey and Kevin has bombed and lost some , some very large clients and several yeah , several and lately a client literally verbatim keep it anonymous said we'd like you to do this for us . We're going to give you an extra thousand a month , and is that enough ? We want to make sure you're paying . We're paying you enough ? Is that gonna be enough ?
And to have a client wanting to pay you more , having spent years basically being rejected , it's a very different game . So I just wanted to ask you what that's like on the other side
¶ Staying humble in success
.
I think that's an important piece of the identity is I'm I'm trying to earn it all and the identity of I need to remain humble in success as much as I remain hungry when I'm not successful . I think that's just super important . I think that's why a lot of us end up losing later on , because you it would be really easy .
As things get better and lifestyle improves , it's really easy to adopt the identity of I am somebody who has a really good lifestyle , and then you start acting like that as abundance improves . It's really easy to allow that to attach to your identity as I am the type of person who is abundant .
Yes , and the reason you got abundance is because you played scarce , and that's a really hard duality to hold . At the same time , the reason this episode even came up is our last session that we did for group coaching . We were talking about business and Alan was doing his thing .
Bidness .
Alan was doing his thing and I said hey , can I interrupt you really quick ? I just want
¶ Do you see yourself as a business owner?
to ask a question . I haven't seen the presentation , I don't know if you're going to ask this question Absolutely not . On a scale of zero to 10 , for all of you in here , how much do you identify as a business owner ?
Because if we're talking about turning your podcast into a business and you do not identify at all as a business owner , one , you might say this isn't for me , you might not retain the information , you might sabotage yourself .
That is dictating so much of the potential success you might not retain the information that's such a good point , because it doesn't apply to you exactly right yeah , your reticular activating system , the part of your brain that filters out things , is going to say , oh , not for me , he's not talking to me , so I might as well not have to learn this .
Yeah , I can tune out . You ever seen a thing like if you had a cell phone from the year 2007 to 2014 , you might be due $15,000 . It's literally just saying if you are this type of person , then this is for you . If you're not , you politely do your thing .
Yeah , the ultimate filtration system is your name . When I say Kevin , he's like , ah , I should listen . Yes , especially if you say it in a certain tone , like his mother did . What did she say when she really wanted to ?
do it , kevin Edward , kevin Edward , kevin Edward .
Yeah , that's how you knew A little side thing that came up for me . I was on a podcast yesterday from a man from Nigeria and he asked me . He said something along the lines of what is something that is misunderstood about you , and I'll tie this to identity .
I said it's really weird for me at this stage in my life to be seen as a silver spooner , because when people first meet me , I've got the awards in the background , I've got the nice camera , my hair is done , I have this nice , you know , collared shirt and we're perceived as very successful now , which is much better than the alternative . And we are .
But I said I look like someone who started on third base and I couldn't even see the ballpark , and it's very weird for people to presuppose that you had everything handed to you when you kind of lost everything growing up . And I said but the truth of the matter is I'm always looking at some advantages . I had some advantages , really big ones .
I was born in a country that had no child left behind , equal opportunity , I got to go to college , financial aid and scholarships . I was born in the largest economy on planet earth , the United States right Free country capitalism , and I also feel gifted , even though you're not allowed to say that I do feel gifted in terms of my intelligence .
And so take those three away and things would not have worked out for me . I can promise you that Almost didn't , anyway , you know
¶ Identity isn’t always accurate
. But but the identity piece here , what do you believe about yourself ? And , and all I've come to really care about is number one , your potential . But I don't think anyone can reach their potential unless they're accurate in their identity . So I used to say I'm bad at English , I'm good at math . Neither one Math was true .
I wasn't actually bad at English , I thought that I was , just because I wasn't as good at math . And I also went to special reading class in third grade . They had to take me out of the classroom to help teach me how to read .
Apparently that was because my , my sister , my older sister , would like answer every question , so I didn't learn how to speak right away or something . Uh , maybe I was a little kid just calculating shit , right . But ultimately these identities are , are horseshit . They're , they're not , especially the ones you . You get from the outside .
So the feedback that you get from other people is almost never the whole truth . How do I explain this . What you say , think , do , feel and believe determines your identity . What you believe about yourself dictates what you say think , do and feel and believe . So it's a feedback loop . So what's a good example ? It's a feedback loop . So
¶ Next Level Dreamliner: The planner, agenda, journal, and habit tracker to rule them all. Get a copy:
what's a good example ? Hello , hello , hello , nlu listener , thank you , as always , for listening to Next Level University Real quick . I just want to jump in and let you know about the Next Level Dreamliner . This is a journal that I use every single day Achieve your dreams 90 days at a time .
It breaks down your dreams into goals , milestones and daily habits . We hope you enjoy it . The link will be in the show notes . Okay , I'll give you an example .
I have a client who went on a date and the guy was kind of treating her like shit , kind of treating her like she's not of value , and I said two things are going to happen , three things , but we'll use two for the point of this .
Every time you go this person's a very high value woman every time you go on a date , the man is either going to treat you like you ain't shit , so that you don't know your value , so he can hoodwink you , or he's gonna like overly inflate and like Say oh my god , you're the to try to also influence you .
Usually we all overdo it or underdo it when we're triggered and when we're around someone who is of value , and that's actually really sucky . And I'm by no means famous , so don't take this the wrong way .
But I do understand now what famous people used to say about how I wish people could just be regular around me , because when you become someone of value or whatever and I used to be sort of prepubescent , small , overlooked , insignificant Now it's very different when I walk in a room and I'm grateful for that , but everyone inflates or deflates .
Very few people can stay centered in that and there's energy and power and all this kind of stuff and influence leadership . But ultimately , the point that I'm making is this person if she was going off of external feedback to determine her truth am I attractive or am I not ? Am I smart or am I not ? Am I athletic or am I not ?
It all depends on what you're comparing to , and none of us have all the data , so you don't know where you fall on the bell curve . You thought you weren't smart . Now I know you don't think that anymore , right , and so none of us are accurate about ourself , and I hope that that is what people take away .
¶ Habits shape your self-image
I think that's a really good intention for the takeaway , for sure , and I think this is why action is so important .
Because I don't know , yeah , you can work on rebuilding your identity internally and mindset that's a big piece of it , right but I think the best way to rebuild your identity , or build your identity in the direction you want it to go , is action . Because when you somebody asked me the other day they said why is consistency so important ?
And I get asked that question a lot , but it was from a different place and I I said because eventually you start to identify as your habits .
You , if you smoke cigarettes , you identify as a smoker eventually eventually I've ripped a few darts myself when I was drinking and I did not identify as a smoker I didn't realize that cloves were darts , so I've ripped a few darts in my day as well . Back in the day I don't know you weren't cool if you didn't have a clove .
Yeah , I don't understand what was the appeal . Yeah , it was dumb For a summer . I just decided to smoke cloves . Yeah , it was big in our small town . Yeah , it was weird Little cloves . But if you say Somebody asked me recently they you smoke weed , I said no , I don't smoke weed , I don't smoke weed , I like edibles .
Edibles are nice , but no , I'm not a smoker . Boom , uh . Somebody asked the the other day about drinking and I said I'm not a big drinker . I like , I like a whiskey every once in a while . But like I'm talking , maybe once a month , I maybe drank once a month occasionally . The kid will get I'll go off the rails once in a while , I'm good for one .
But . But no , I'm not a big drinker . Just 12 twisted teas every now and then .
But I'm not a big drinker . For a long time , my identity was I'm not somebody who can save money . Now my identity is I stopped and I got a coffee today and I was like do I , should I do it ? Well , I could order energy drinks online . Well , that would be like two bucks per , and this is going to be like five bucks . I'm wasting three bucks .
And I was like , ah , fuck it , I'm going to do it today , let me treat myself a little bit . But even that dialogue I'd never had that before . What
¶ Brand choices reflect identity
? was it before Coffee . Yes , I'm driving by . I Coffee yes , that's a coffee . I'm driving by . I might as well swing in .
I'm already on my way . Dunks or Starbucks , remember , that's an identity thing too . That's an identity thing , yeah .
Yeah , dunkin' Donuts is for hardworking blue collar . And again , this is what they want you to think .
I'm not saying this is the way it is . They have been slowly programming you .
Starbucks' white collar .
America runs on . What Dunkin' baby , Of course , and that's . It's like a what's Starbucks' slogan ? I don't even know Starbucks .
I don't know if they have one Overpriced coffee For everyone . Yeah , we're too good for you .
Yeah , we're too good for you , unless you spend $9 on our coffee .
But that's all identity . If you feel stuck in some way , shape or form , what do you ?
got you first , you first I got a story . It's totally relevant .
We got five minutes . I got a podcast pre-call . If you feel stuck in any way , shape or form , I would check in on what pieces of your identity are keeping you stuck , because that is where you can start easily .
I've never told this story before .
Oh boy .
It's about identity and branding and all that kind of stuff . And that's what branding is , by the way , everybody Identity . If you identify as someone who's creative , you most likely have Apple instead of Microsoft . If you're an engineer , it's mostly Microsoft . Okay , so at the end of the day , just like next level , your identity .
Are you next ?
level , next level , you . Next level pun intended next level , you . The next level matters more than the current level . Your future is brighter than your past . Like this , these are belief systems , right ? So anyways , uh , I don't know why , but somehow some way .
Oh , I think my , my grandma , my mom and pop-up got , emily and I , a starbucks gift card for 25 bucks for christmas this was like a couple years ago and we went . Remember we did indoor skydiving , it was whatever it was . It was kind of cool , I guess but giant waste of money .
Yeah , it's drastically , it's a lot of it wasn't great .
I never even posted anything about it . Doesn't matter , I have the video . Uh , more challenging than you'd think , though , for sure , yeah . Anyways , we went to starbucks bookstore . I love it bookstore , starbucks , little coffee date and I don't normally go into starbucks , but Barnes Noble has them in there , not allowed to use the gift card .
Go across the street , boom , $25 . I came out with nothing . Yeah , you get very little , you get no . I remember thinking $25 , we gotta buy some shit . We had three items that's expensive . Yeah , it was terrible . I had like a Little Sammy and a Little Brownie . Dude , I don't know this was $5.64 .
Large . This was $5.64 . Large iced coffee .
Nothing special . I go into Starbucks . I'm like shit , we got to spend some money . We got $25 . Right , we got to get some stuff . We had no food . I couldn't even get a lunch .
I believe it .
It was brutal . Yeah , it's expensive . I don't frequent Starbucks . For anyone who frequents Starbucks , that's obvious to you . For me , I was like are you ?
fucking kidding me . What are the margins on this thing ?
I do like it .
I do like it . The food is at least reasonable and their coffee is better for sure , at least for me , I enjoy it . This is a smaller . Where I get it from is a smaller place , but yeah , it's $5 . You want ?
to get a latte . It's better than a pan per bean , I know no-transcript . Working on it other than self-belief , one of the most important I would say last thing . I know you gotta jump yes , I do what
¶ Identity is a feedback loop
do ? what do you identify as ? Do you identify as an athlete ? Do you identify ? I remember I asked ke Kevin if he identifies as an achiever and he said no . I said well , it's going to be harder to achieve if you don't identify as an achiever Makes sense .
And so what you believe about you , don't let the world dictate that , don't let other people put you in a box . Choose the identity that you want to hold , because identity leads to what you say , think , do feel and believe , and what you say , think , do feel and believe refeeds back into your identity .
Every action you take is a vote for the identity you want to hold .
And also be careful of delusion , too , because I know some people that are really not attractive , that think they're amazing and super attractive , and I know some people who are really attractive , who think they're ugly as hell , and neither one is effective , because you're basically you're making decisions based on false data .
Boom , all right . Next elimination If you want to level up your identity and make sure it's not holding you back and you want to be somebody who identifies as more consistent , we have the next level dreamliner . Five minutes a day , you can do your journaling .
You can write your most important win , most important improvement , top three gratitudes what are you going to get done today ? All of that happy jazz . It's on Amazon . We'll have the link in the show notes . But a really easy way to practice consistency and feel more consistent in your identity Book Club .
Every Saturday we have a new book in Next Level Nation . The link to Next Level Nation will be in the show notes . In Next Level Nation there's a poll that is pinned to the top . We have three different books on there Willpower , the One Thing and Upstream . Those are the three books .
Check it out , research them , tell me which one you want to do Every Saturday , 12.30 pm , eastern Standard Time a full hour , totally free . In Brandon's words he says I don't know why more people don't go to book club , although we have had a lot lately . I'm very grateful , like 14 people , and there's a lot of awesome people in there .
Brandon's words was I don't know why more people don't go . It basically is free coaching .
Well , it makes sense , because sometimes coaching you know a little . Sometimes coaching is a pain in the butt . Fair , that's all I understand . But vote for Upstream . Super important . Vote for Upstream . It's a great book , nice , I'm not biased at all , but vote for Upstream . And , yes , go to Book Club , it's free .
It's free Next level books with next level people .
It'll change your life . It'll change your life , your future will be brighter . I promise you that that is a fact .
¶ Outro
And you shift . That was a bit of an identity shift for me , All right cool as always .
We love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you and at NLU we don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow , keep it .
Next Level , next Level Nation . Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University . We love connecting with the Next Level family .
We mean it when we say family . If you ever need anything , please reach out to us directly . Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes .
Thank you again and we will talk to you tomorrow .