How Much Your Emotions Are Affecting You (2098)

So , for example , I have a coffee mug with some caffeine in it and I do what's called stimulant timing and I try to be in a peak state for certain moments throughout the day . So when I wake up in the morning I look at my calendar and I see , okay , where do I need to be at my best ? And then I try to optimize my day around those things .

So , for example , I did pull day earlier back day and I wanted to make sure that I was that that 45 minutes in the gym is me at a peak state and that's why I woke up . I took pre workout a certain amount of time before I made sure that I ate a little bit of protein . That's why I woke up .

I took pre-workout a certain amount of time before I made sure that I ate a little bit of protein . So state management is not sexy , but it is really important . We all know what it's like to feel two o'clock rolling around and we're struggling , we didn't get good sleep , we're falling asleep .

One of my clients , she's a therapist , and she says sometimes I am literally nodding off in the middle of a therapy call . This is not good . I got to get my sleep together .

So there's a lot of ways that you can manage your state , and the reason why this came up is because when I was prepping for book club we're on the last chapter of reset , by the way , if you do want to join book club , the link will be in the show notes to register . It's totally free . It's every Saturday , 1230 PM , eastern standard time .

The next level book club Kevin is not invited . Never been invited time . The next level book club kevin is not invited , never been invited , never been invited . He's not invited to the monthly meetups anymore as well . So , uh , no , kevin allowed . I'm obviously being playful , okay . So on page 206 of reset , they did a .

Uh , I don't know if this is a study . There's the company , the organization , that owns the San Francisco 49ers . It's a football team in the US . They basically had this app that the people who went to the games could put a smiley face . They could put a frowny face , or they could put a cry face . I'm paraphrasing .

I don't know exactly what it was , but they were trying to get feedback on whether or not the fans in the stands were having a great experience , and they did this for the entire season , and 40,000 on average was the button pushes per game .

So they had 40,000 data points of positive or negative , and what they found is fan satisfaction during a win averaged 78% , while during a loss it was 61% . In other words , the fans allowed . They thought , oh well , maybe on those days the bathrooms weren't as clean , or maybe the wine was warm or the food wasn't cooked well .

No , it just has to do with whether or not the team is winning or losing . And now here's the deal . I get it . You want your team to win . You feel good when they're winning . You feel bad when they're losing . That's fine at a football game , but in life , are you allowing external circumstances to control how you feel ?

Because how you feel is going to dictate what you do and don't do . And so how good are you at state management ? I used an example on the last episode . We had some tech issues so it didn't end up being able to be recorded . But essentially this was the example . Emilia and I watched a documentary called Oceans by David Attenborough .

It's a hero of hers from her environmental days went and saw the great barrier reef and realized it's actually the great , great barrier graveyard very depressing . Here's my point . When we went to watch that movie they did a really good job , by the way . I highly recommend it . It's on disney plus national geographic unbelievably well done .

But I knew I had to brace myself for some really sad moments because what we're doing to the oceans is not great the industrial fishing and all that stuff . So I knew , okay , I'm going to feel helpless and hopeless because I can't change whether or not we are fishing in the oceans . That's not my calling , that's not what we're focused on .

We're focused on helping people reach their potential , their goals and dreams , become better human beings physical , mental , emotional , spiritual development , personal development and success . That's what I feel in control of .

I don't have control over what they're doing in the Mediterranean Sea and so I feel helpless and hopeless and I feel frustrated and sad and melancholy and pissed off and I have to be very careful . Now what I can control is whether or not I'm wasteful and I try really , really , really , really , really , really , really hard not to be wasteful .

I have a couple bougie things that I still work on . Like I like to buy new hardcover books . It would be better for the environment for me to buy used books . I've gotten used books before . Sometimes they smell bad , sometimes they have shit written in them . I don't , I don't . I like new books . So I'm bougie with that and I actually working through that .

I'm going to start buying used books . But the point is all of us are wildly wasteful . Pisses me off , bothers me to my core . We're consumers and we're not investors . We're not thinking long-term for future generations . It bothers me to my core , but I can't be sad all the time , because if I'm sad all the time , I can't actually make positive change .

So for anyone out there right now , think about something wildly depressing in the world . If you stay sad about that , there's two reactions . One is I'm sad and I need to go take a nap . The other reaction is pissed off enough to fucking do something about it . And that , to me , is how positive change happens Change through massive pain .

So things have been going really well , gotten a bunch of new clients it's amazing , awesome , Crushing it Great and there was a somebody who I expected for sure to work with us . It was like 10 out of 10 . This person's amazing , great human , just super excited to help them .

And they said , ah , right now I don't know if I'm ready to start a podcast , I feel like there's just time constraints . I don't know if I have the time to do it and I immediately felt bad .

Even though it is still the best by far not close it's ever been it's very easy for that negative feeling to get inside and then me to think , okay , nothing is going to work and we're losing , even though that's not true . That's not true at all .

This was one opportunity that didn't go exactly the way I thought , but again , it's very easy to get in your own head about that . It's very , very easy .

I've never really had to shave before because I never had a lot of hair , and all of a sudden I'm getting all these mustache and hair and so I got this new shaver and it's this three-pronged thing that I had never used before . And I tried to shave my little unibrow . You can't really see it cause it's blonde . I'm blonde and you can barely see it .

It's not much , but it's enough to where I want to clean it up . And I hammered my uh , my eyebrow off a bit and I had a . I had a coaching session , not 10 minutes after that and that really it wasn't wildly depressing for me . It wasn't a big deal . But I had a moment of Alan . You just hammered off part of your eyebrow that I looked it up .

It's going to take six months minimum . It might not grow back as good all this stuff , right , and women know this , brother , because they pluck their eyebrows . You can't mess with your eyebrows too much for the ladies out there . You know the deal , kevin , and I don't know shit .

No , but now that I have long hair and all this , I I feel like I can relate more . I have certain hair ties that I need to use . It's a whole thing . But anyways , uh , for the men listening , I I now look like a bitch . I'm kidding .

Uh , at the end of the day , what I really care about here is I got a little bit down after I hammered part of my right eyebrow off . I was like and I got a little down , I got a little sad . I was like Alan , I had to coach myself out of it . Alan , you're going to be fine . It's three to six months . It's not a big deal .

Like , no one gives a shit about your eyebrows . Dude , get your fucking ass on that call . You're going to be fine . Now , that is genuinely my self-talk . I love tough love . I think tough love is valuable . I really do .

I know a lot of people don't do well with that , but for me it's come on , man , there's bigger problems in the world than your fucking eyebrows does it make sense why it doesn't do well for everybody ? based on this conversation , somewhat , I think , the self-belief piece and that kind of stuff . I do think that there is a place for tough love for everybody .

You have to do it right . But at the end of the day I'm being somewhat playful with that , but the truth is , alan , if you're depressed about your own eyebrows , like you need to figure your life out , like there are bigger problems in the world than whether or not you hammered off a piece of your eyebrow .

And the truth of the matter is your clients are counting on you , your on you , your team is counting on you , the business is counting on you , the world is counting on you . You need to go and serve and it helped me get out of that . And again , that's a funny moment .

And I got on the call and this is my point , and it's with a female and she said , alan , that would ruin someone else's whole day . She's like past version of me . That would have ruined my whole day . And I was like , are you kidding me ?

You can't succeed and have that ruin your day , because because here's the deal and I'm not trying to be unkind but if you cancel sessions because of something that trivial , you're never going to actually be that successful . Imagine if Journey didn't go on stage because they had a bad night the night before . Like you can't be a successful band and not perform .

And so I think this from the frame of success not necessarily personal development , but success , the science of achievement doesn't care about my eyebrow . You need to get up and get it done , regardless of your emotions .

And there's a personal development speaker that I like . His name is Michael Burt , coach Michael Burt , and I like his content and he's pretty intense . But he says amateurs listen to their feelings , professionals don't . He says this .

He says on Sunday , do you really think that those players making millions of dollars to play in the NFL , they want to get hit that hard on Sunday ? I agree with him . Like you don't have to want to do it , you have to do it regardless because you're an adult and I get , trust me , I understand the other side of the coin too .

I have trauma , I have a therapist , I work on the inner stuff too , but it can't be . You can't cancel your day because you shaved off your own eyebrow , and I think that's a good metaphor for listening to your feelings . When you have to , you know you have people counting on you .

I'm tired , I'm hungry , I don't want to do this . And I went to the gym and I had a dog shit workout . It was terrible , but I did it . I went and I did it .

So I did this earlier with a client it's you're going to make I don't know , 40,000 this year in your own business , then it's 100,000 , then it's 150 , then it's 200 , then it's 250 . I said are you , are you game to do this over the next five years ? And she said yeah . I said now let me clarify .

That means you're also willing to do everything that I'm going to . Because I said listen , this is a doable thing , this trajectory is doable for you , mathematically , the science of achievement , I'm certain we can do this , but it's going to be terrible . Like I need permission . So I said it's my job to push you to achieve these things .

Do I have permission to push you ? You , you want this and if that changes , you got to tell me . Because everything , nothing , everything that you have to do to achieve I mean , who wouldn't want to make a quarter of a million a year ? That sounds awesome . But what it's going to take to do that is going to feel terrible .

So I need permission , as your coach , to sign up for this in advance . I'm starting to get a lot more buy-in early on . I do this with Kev behind the scenes too . It's like brother if you want this result in the future , it doesn't really matter how you feel . If you don't want it , that's fine . That's a different conversation .

Then we don't have to do any of this . But if you want X , then you're going to need to do A , b and C , and so A , b and C might feel bad and you might not feel like doing A , b and C , but if you want X , you're going to have to , and so I think that I try to make my actions dictate my feelings .

I don't usually let my feelings dictate my actions , and I think that that's a really important piece of success , I would agree .

That is a requirement because , again , I don't want to do this episode right now . I don't want to . I'm tired , I'm hungry , I'm .

This is the second fucking time we're recording it , because the first time it got jeff like , right , well , we made it further this time than we did the first time , but then we were troubleshooting it and it was like , oh , I was ready to go and then I lost it because we were in diagnostic mode .

I don't , but if I only recorded podcast episodes when I felt like it , I would not have 2 000 , we wouldn't have 2 000 episodes and that is a fact , we wouldn't be successful in business and . But I don't want anybody to hear that and say , oh , you don't really love it . No , no , I do , I do .

I love this more than anything else and you are allowed to love something and not want to do it every day . That is they don't . They don't have to they're , they're not necessarily connected . But if I found anything , if usually when I don't want to go to the gym and I get to the gym , I have a really good workout . Usually that's the way it is .

We hope you enjoy it . The link will be in the show notes .

But if I have learned anything , it's usually just motivating yourself into momentum , and then you do start to feel better . Once you get there , once you get on the mics , once you get on the client call , whatever it is , I think you will start to feel better . But it's a matter of well , how do you have to feel in order to do that in the first place ?

And it's just , you're gonna have shit days just are , no matter what you're doing , no matter whether or not you're living your dreams or not . I understand , and some days are going to suck , and that's okay . I don't want to make that wrong . I don't want anybody to have the expectation that we love doing this every day .

It's some days I don't want to do it , I'm tired . It's been a week , even though it hasn't been . It's been a weird week in in certain ways , and an easy week and others and a really challenging

week in other ways .

He said financial fitness , which I don't really like . He said physical fitness , mental fitness and spiritual fitness and I said well , you're missing emotional fitness . Emotional fitness is big . I've never met someone who can change her state quicker than Emilia Smith she . We were doing an adventure race and I hammered over this big log .

We were going pretty fast and she fell full , full , like just crash and burn type of fall , not , not not on rocks or anything , but it was . She got right back up , up and kept , kept going to the point where she she wasn't in tears but she was hurting , I could tell . And I didn't know how to support her in that moment .

Do you want me to be hard , like get the fuck after , let's get it , or do you want me to be soft and kind of love on you ? And I ended up obviously picking the hard one because it was like come on , we got this , let's finish strong . And that is support too , by the way . For sure , I don't think that the only form of support is pat on the back .

You know , it's okay , no worries , give you a hug . Sometimes support is you can do this , like we're almost at the finish line , how much time we got , we can do this , you got this . And I came back and , you know , kind of crossed the finish line metaphorically with her instead and she took a digger , pretty hefty one , she , almost she .

She said this playfully , but I know there was some truth to it because she she's a sicko she hit a rock with her arm and she's like I almost broke my forearm and I know she wouldn't say that unless she was serious . She's also got jacked forearms , so luckily . But she's not a fragile human by any means .

But I knew , I can tell I've been with her for five years she does . She doesn't hurt easy and I knew it was like that was . That was something you were really struggling through , that and she went and crushed the rest of her day . That would have ruined someone else's day , like she would have had to go nap it off or eat or take a minute .

She took a shower and she was back into her day . That's why she'll be successful in business because she doesn't let her feelings dictate how she performs .

But from a success perspective , if , if , everything has to line up perfectly in order for you to do something consistently , that is something that we're all going to have to work on , because that's very rarely , is it ever going to work that way ?

Okay , so we need an hour per episode I need to have to work on , because that's very rarely , is it ever going to work that way ? Okay , so we need an hour per episode . I need to have gotten a 90 sleep score or above . I need to be properly caffeinated . Those , it's just . No . Nope , we have an hour and a half to do three episodes .

Okay , cool , that's what we're going to do . We're going to make it work . I'm tired . I don't know what your sleep score is , but that 95 , I'm in a good so , so he's in a Better than you .

That we have a . We have a joke . I've told you before . I was playing . We had a little pond up the street from where I lived when I lived in uxbridge back in the day and I was playing goalie when we were playing ice hockey and I I thought I snapped my ankle , I fell , my skate got stuck and I was like , oh my god , I broke my ankle .

It was freaking brutal , yeah , so I went home . Anytime I get hurt , I just order a bunch of food and just hammer food and rest , and then I think Monday I went , I went to work and I put an ankle brace on and I am not kidding , I walked around like dragging one foot and that was , that was it . It was just like . It is what it is . That's again .

When you don't feel like you're smart and competent and capable , you have to grid it out . At least that's the internal dialogue . I just have to grid it out more than somebody else might have to , because I can't lose this opportunity .

And I didn't have health insurance and I wasn't going to , I didn't have paid time off , it's not like I was going to get paid .

We have something called a consistency star , and the fifth one on that is grit , and we say things like 90% of our success and again , our success , depending on who you're comparing to is reasonable or unbelievable . That's not my point .

But 90% of our success comes down to us never quitting and us never stopping and us never missing an episode and all that stuff . But most of that is just pure grit . And I'm not saying that to talk about us . I'm saying that to talk about the fucking principle . I don't care that we're gritty , congratulations . I actually think I'm soft .

What I'm saying to other people is listen , you cannot win without grit . You cannot . It's not a thing . That's not a thing , dude . I agree . I think we downplay it and I think it does everyone a disservice , because you can't do 2,098 episodes or whatever . We're on without grit , and I'm with Kev too on . We're not saying not to feel your feelings .

I Emilia called me out once . She said I think you use movies to escape your feelings . Sometimes I said , of course , that was my escape , growing up a hundred percent . And so for food , it's it's food and film . Sometimes I don't want to feel all this stuff , I want to just escape , and that's fine , I'm not saying .

But I need to sometimes not grit it out and actually sit and feel . And that's why I talk about breath work and that's why you and I used to meditate and that's why we do stretching and long form stuff . Like I'm all for feelings , I'm all for it .

I want to be whole and wholesome and virtuous , but I also better be able to show up , grow up , get after it , and it's both . It's not one or the other , it's both , and I think usually it's one or the other , with , you know , someone toxic , masculine saying whatever it fucking takes , I don't give a shit . No bitching , moaning or it's .

You know , do what you feel . And neither one of those extremes is actually going to bring real success holistically

.

So we're going to be more hardcore in this episode because hopefully that is more of what you need , as opposed to like slow down and feel your feelings . I feel like , from what we've learned , our audience does feel their feelings , but sometimes that gets in the way of meaningful momentum and yeah , it's all it is .

It's always one end or the other right when we talk about saving money , most people statistically just aren't good at saving money , so we'll be more hardcore when it comes to leaning in that direction how come you don't uh like to you downplay how gritty you ?

are so much because I know most people don't need to be as gritty as I , but they would benefit from it . I'm telling you , alan , some of the grit is detrimental . I think it's feel that way because it's not for you . It's different , it's different . Why is it different ? Because you're , you're built , you and it's different , it's different . Why is it different ?

Because you're , you're built , you and I are built a little bit different . There's certain things , like the reason I will not sign up to do the exercise everyday thing is because I know it will become detrimental . I'm certain of it . I'll do it . I know I could do it . I'm certain of that . I also know it would get to a place where it would be dead .

I don't want to be going for walks at 11 o'clock at night , before bed . I don't want to do that .

difference in grit and recklessness though . Well , I think some of the stuff I do is reckless and I don't I wouldn't recommend it . That I think that's why you'll see me stop at a certain point , because I don't recommend . Just because I do it does not mean I would recommend doing it . That that's a piece of it . Like I don't recommend .

You decide to do an episode every day . It's fucking terrible , sucks , and you can also be the best in the world at it if you do it every day .

But that's okay , cause it will prepare you to do the best you've ever done when your state is in the right spot .

But also , don't be reckless , but be gritty for sure . I think we're reckless at times , you and I . I would say that's true , but I feel less reckless than I used to Dude . I close at 8 . I get to bed early .

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