Fitness Is Self-Love (2020)

I'm not saying to shame yourself where you are , but I think self-love takes into account the growth that we want to have and the benefits that growth will have for us .

I remember at one point I was working out for an hour a day and I was playing basketball for an hour and a half a day during my master's program and I just felt so good about me , which allowed me to have the self-esteem to chase my dreams .

And I think that if you don't have high self-esteem , it's going to be really hard for you to achieve your goals .

I would not be nearly as fulfilled and nearly as on fire for lack of better phrasing if I wasn't crushing it in the gym and then then that connected to me . Okay , well , why ? Yes , it's a habit , yes , I do it every day , almost every day , and it starts my day off right . Yes , yes , yes . But let's dig deeper . Why ?

Because , yes , I feel like we're doing better in business and I feel more successful as a man , but I also feel like I am growing when it comes to fitness . And I feel like I am growing when it comes to fitness and I feel like I'm taking care of myself . And I think

there's two thoughts I have with this , and this is always a dangerous thing to talk about because I know it can come off in a negative way . I think , for a lot of people , self-love is acceptance Okay , cool , I'm for that . I think , on the other end , self-love is opportunity or transformation . Okay , I can mess with that too .

I think we just have to understand where we are and then the right prescription for us .

So if you're out there right now and you're struggling with fitness whatever that means to you and you're struggling with fitness , whatever that means to you and you're struggling with diet , whatever that means to you , one piece of acceptance might be look , I'm not nearly in the place where I want to be , or maybe I'm not in the place where I was five years

ago . I still have a capable body and I'm grateful for that and I love the fact that I have this body . Great place to start Love it . And I think the next layer of self-love is I'm going to prove how much I love myself by pouring into myself , just like on the other end .

You can't just always beat yourself up and say , well , the only way for me to love myself is to change myself . I think that's a dangerous . So I think it's acceptance and ambition , acceptance of here's where I am today . Let me accept that I love my body . I love my body when I don't have a six-pack .

I do love it more when I do , though Not because necessarily of the result Honestly , not necessarily because of the result . I think so much of it is because of the effort . There's something to that . There's something to Okay . Alan always uses the house analogy . Let's say you have a house , you're planning on selling the house .

You go do a bunch of renovations . When you're going to sell the house , the person says , eh , it's not actually worth any more to me . I'm not willing to pay that . I'm willing to bet you still like that house because you worked on it and you invested in it and you improved it .

You probably are more comfortable living in that house now than you were in the beginning . Even though from the outside there is no change , nobody is going to give you extra money for it . Hypothetically maybe not a great example , but that's what I'm going for today in freestyle Friday .

There were times in my life where I would not be on point in fitness and then I would rationalize it , and I consider rationalizing rational lies the lies we tell ourselves to make ourselves feel better so that we don't have to change .

So there was a time during our I think Kevin and I are on our way back in an upgraded version , because we started out pretty heavy in fitness Way back in the day . We were a couple of bodybuilder bros and I think we lost some of our bodybuilder broness for a time and . I feel it .

I feel it coming back and I feel good about it , and it's coming back in a more mature way for sure , but in our late 20s , I mean , we were , in hindsight , extremely fit dude .

You're a little delusional about your fitness and I need you to trust me , I'm . I'm struggling too . And he said listen , I'm fat too being playful and again , that's the wrong word but I'm out of shape too . So I'm not judging you , I'm just saying I'm telling you you're off , that ain't it , and that that I'll never forget that moment . I'll never forget it .

That was a tough moment for me . Remember when we went to that gym .

Other story is I came to Kevin one time behind the scenes and I essentially said a kinder version of what I'm going to give and what I was trying to share with him is brother , come on , man , you're better than this , right , and I think at that point Taryn was cooking a lot or whatever , and you just weren't doing it ?

We were making excuses and the truth is , I think we were trying to convince ourselves on some level that we were okay with lower standards , when in reality I don't think we really were . I definitely wasn't . I'll speak for myself .

I mean , it is what it is the heaviest weights I had were 40s .

That's like trying to build a house without like trying to build a skyscraper without a crane . There's certain tools that you need in order to and I'm not big on excuses , but if I ever had a chance to make an excuse seriously covid with fitness , that fucked me up understand dude that fucked me up .

And then I , when I finally got back in the gym I'll never forget I was driving to impact fitness in auburn , freaking great gym and I was crying . When they opened I was in tears of joy , crying . That's how much I missed it .

And I remember shout out to bianca I was coaching her at the time , I still am , but her and I every call would be like what the fuck do we do ? Like what are we gonna do ? Are we gonna go out in the woods and lift logs ? Like what are we gonna do ?

Right , and you know what I found really fascinating this is a little side tangent , but bianca was the most upset about covid with gyms closing of anyone that I coached at the time and I coached , I think , probably 20 , 23 people at that point , something like that in the 20 plus .

And I remember thinking to myself isn't it ironic how the person in the best shape that I coach is actually the most upset about their physique and about the the gym . It's a standards thing . If you have level 10 standards and the gym closed , you're going to be more upset than someone who has level 2 standards and the gym closed .

Some people with the gyms closed , it didn't affect them at all .

Now , that's not what I'm making this about . What I am making this about is let's have an honest conversation about what we value . I value fitness at level 10 . 10 . It's so important to me it's not even funny . Love it . I don't love every second of it . I don't love mobility . I don't always want to go , but I cannot stand it .

I cannot fucking stand it when I'm not in great shape , when I'm not putting in the work , when I'm not aligned . And I think it's important to be honest with yourself about that , because there was a time in my life where I used to try to pretend that it didn't bother me when , deep down , it really did .

I'm not trying to shame Kev , but Kev and I when we first started , kev was like the guy , the fitness guy , and behind the scenes I teared up saying like you used to inspire me so much and you had fallen and all that stuff . And back then were you convincing yourself in hindsight at all ?

out . Figure it out . I work weird hours , figure it out . What's the other option , though you ?

Again , I'm not shaming anybody , that is not what this episode is about . But yeah , I was heavier than I had ever been , for sure . I don't know . Maybe one of the pieces is I know I'll get it back if I want to , as arrogant as that might sound .

I know the formula Eat less , exercise more , eat a lot of protein , lift heavy , get a good amount of sleep , stay hydrated . Those work , those fundamentals work really really well , especially for me .

It was a weird time , but she was very honest with herself on this call , where she's like yeah , I think I tried to tell myself a story that I didn't care about what I look like , that that was bullshit . I care so much . I said good for you , good for you for just owning it . Now , if you can't change it , I'm all for acceptance .

Yeah , that's important . And self-acceptance as a person , I think is good . So it's self-awareness , self-acceptance , then self-improvement , I think is good . So it's self-awareness , self-acceptance , then self-improvement .

I think we lie to ourselves constantly and I think what we really value , we will be better off if we just say , hey , I've let it go and I , because it's going to happen . Eventually , dude , eventually , you're going to have to pay the piper For sure , like eventually . I mean there's only so many times I can look back at old photos and

be upset before .

What is love baby , don't hurt me would , if you were in a relationship with someone and they saw you doing something that was just self-destructive , would it be love for you to go and say hey , I've noticed this , I'm nervous to bring this up and I'm a little bit scared you're going to villainize me , but I love you so much and I see this thing that you're

doing and I just want to make sure that you're aware of what you're doing and the downsides it might have .

It was brutal .

Do I feel like I'm doing all I can with all I have ? And if the answer is no , I have a really hard time with that .

You can only feel like a bodybuilder for so long when you're not bodybuilding you only feel like an athlete for so long , right when you're not doing any athletic endeavors , and I think eventually it got to the place where I was like , okay , I am talking more than I'm walking when it comes to fitness and I'm not .

I can't really talk about fitness anymore because I'm not doing it as much as I as I used to , that there's something I cannot talk about stuff I'm not doing .

This podcast we we desire to help people in fitness , health , wealth and love it is so much accountability the fact that we can't speak about something unless we're doing it . That's definitely something you and I have in common that helps us and and hinders our ability to succeed in some ways .

Like , for example , there are a lot of people out there that are talking about fitness that aren't actually practicing what they preach . You and I have interviewed people like that and then we had to not air it and I just I think that's a big W in real life .

I don't know if it's a big W in the social world probably not Right but it's a huge win in real life when we can't talk about things we're not doing , because it holds us to that whole other level of accountability .

I'm the same way , and I think that's why you said you're delusional , because I was acting one way and talking as if , but I hadn't realized how much I had fallen . It wasn't until you and I went back to our old stomping grounds . We used to do crunch fitness in Worcester together , dude .

When I went back there and I looked in those same mirrors I was like , oh shit , what the fuck happened to us ? And again , I'm coming off of being a fitness model . I did 43 photo shoots , like when you're preparing for a photo shoot every other fucking month , you know , for years .

It's just a different level of feedback and accountability and it's you have a long way to fall and I think that's one thing that people maybe don't talk about much . But when you climb really high in a specific area , you have a long way to fall , and I'm sure there's . I mean , how does certain people feel after being in a peak condition ?

I mean , I have bodybuilding trophies behind me . I have three of them and it bothers me to never . Part of me wants to get better my best . I don't want my best to be in the past . That bothers me constantly .

I'm gonna look really good , hopefully over the next month or so , but yeah , I don't think I'm ever gonna better my best I don't think I can . I haven't let that go yet . Maybe you can . I don't think I can . I don't think can .

I think I've squandered a lot of the genetic , the genetic gifts I've been given , in a way because I didn't understand back in the I didn't , I wasn't focused on sleep . Yeah Right , I told Alan before this . I I've been sleeping a ton . I'm really focused on eating enough protein . My workouts have been great .

I'm getting leaner but the scale's not dropping and that is a suggestion that I'm maintaining muscle and or the fat on my body is recomping . I'm doing some recomposition to muscle , which is cool . If that happens , that happens . But I want to make sure this lands because , again , I don't want us to be .

I'm cool with being a bodybuilding bro , but a bodybuilding bro that's conscious , a hyper-conscious bodybuilding bro . I think the level of truth you give yourself has to be connected to the level of truth you're willing to receive . I am comfortable looking at myself and saying , ah shit , you let it go . But I've been doing this for 20 years .

In the very beginning as a speaker , if somebody said , kev , that was fucking terrible , like you should be embarrassed of that speaking performance , that would have crushed me . Now my standards are very high and I can give myself that level of feedback . You can only give yourself the level of truth that you're ready for .

But again , if you're running the cycle of I'm just going to accept , accept , accept I think to Alan's point that's going to I don't want to put words in your mouth . That's going to bite you in the butt eventually , because eventually you're going to get to the point where you haven't worked on the problem

.

It's not that self-awareness , that's I would rather try for the rest of my life and fail for the rest of my life than not try . I have to . The truth is I'm not doing everything I can , my mobility and and it's not like I'm hanging out I'm coming off of 1,121 days of exercise in a row .

So I want people you know it's not about it's you versus you , because a lot of people would say , what do you mean ? You're in great shape , it doesn't matter .

I appreciate it , thank you , and yes , I'm not letting it go completely , but it's based on what my standards are and my best is , and this is a you versus you conversation , so I pulled this up earlier . I want to bring this up before we go .

Self-awareness for anyone out there watching or listening to bring this completely to you instead of Kevin and I talking . Think about which one of these resonates the most with you . I'm just going to rattle them off . This is what I call the pyramid of the self , and it's literally a heart with a hug , a self hug .

Heart with a hug , self-awareness , self-concept , self-belief , self-worth , self-discipline , self-trust and self-love . I believe it's a pyramid that is built and self-love is at the top . I don't think that you can love yourself authentically without also being honest with yourself about what you value and where you're letting yourself down .

If I let Kevin down constantly , he's not going to love me . It's fair . And if you break the promises you make to yourself constantly , you're not going to value yourself , you're not going to love yourself . You're not going to love a house that you don't take care of . You're not going to love a pet that you don't take care of .

So it's this , it's this relationship of you take care of your pets or your children , or your home or yourself , and then you love it more , which then makes you want to take even better care of it , and then you love it more If you love your . I love Emilia . I need to take unbelievable care of my relationship with Emilia .

I have to take unbelievable care of Emilia . She had a headache yesterday . I was there for her . I think love is through actions dude , I do , and words are great too , but actions matter the most when no one's watching and no one else is going to come to you and say , hey , you're letting it ride . You said that to me , but that's not normal .

You don't go around saying that to me , but that's not normal . You don't go around saying that to people because I know that's what you want , I know and I appreciate it , but it's . I have to police myself in this . You have to police yourself in this . And I'm glad we're talking about fitness again . I'm glad we're back on the train and I want to .

I want to bring it up to all new level I do . I want to bring it past where we used to have it . That's why I put the bodybuilding trophies behind here . That's a reminder for me every fucking day that I'm into fitness . Now . I always said I'd peak at 42 , so I've still got six more years . It's rock and roll . Brad Pitt and Troy is 42 .

That was when I saw that in 2004 . He wasn't in that good of shape though all things considered that in 2004 .

I think if you're on either of those polarities , if you work 23 hours a day and you're letting it slide right now on fitness and all you can think of is I'm the worst , I need to change my behavior . I need to change my behavior . That's probably not sustainable .

But if you're on the other end and you're always changing your perception , there is a detriment to both of those . There is . We just have to figure out what is a healthy . If I've worked out six days in a row and I've had just super hard workouts and I don't sleep well , I'm going to change my perception and say I need to .

I'm going to sleep in a little bit . Today . It's okay , not the end of the world . If I haven't gone to the gym for two weeks straight because I'm lazy , I'm going to change my behavior . Changing my perception is not going to serve me . Nice , that's what we're going to end with , okay . Next Level Live April 5th 2025 . Tickets are $47 .

You get access to the replay . Join us . You can pop in , you can pop out , you don't have to attend the whole thing . And then the next round of group coaching , which Alan named the Next Level Podcast Accelerator , is April 15th . So level up yourself , level up your podcast , level up your business . All the details will be in the show notes

. As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you . And at NLU , we don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .