#1633 - What’s Your Next Unlock?

I particularly wish I started asking myself earlier today for episode number 1633 what's your next Unlock ? The reason I said I hope I hope you enjoyed is because when I do podcast growth you I Hope you enjoyed . Sometimes I say we , though , because I'm just so used to saying it you never know what's gonna come up . So why are we doing this episode ?

As I referenced in yesterday's episode , when I go visit Alan because Alan lives in the hometown we grew up in , that's where his home is I oftentimes drive around to the street I used to live on or places I used to go or buy stores I used to frequent , or drive by the gas station I used to work at , and it gives me a ton of nostalgia .

I just get so much Nostalgia that's probably the best way to put it . But it's also like when I visit , every time I visit , when we're further into this journey and I'm more evolved and I Know more and my relationship is more evolved and my friendships are more evolved and the business is successful and I'm more confident and my self-worth is higher .

It's a little bit of a reset . It's a little bit of a Unlock . Every time I go back and an example of an unlock is just something that Something that you do , that maybe you know you should do that just breaks something free inside of you . It allows you to look at things differently . It allows you to reprocess information differently .

It allows you to reflect with new awareness . The best example of this for me is when I was 27 I'll tell this story quick because I know we don't have a ton of time for me to go into depth but when I was 27 , I was at home in New Hampshire , 15 minutes from where I live today . I was going through Facebook and there was a

there's a Private folder for people who message you that aren't friends with you , and I didn't know that back . Then I opened up the folder and it was a message from someone and it said hey , kev , I'm blank , I'm your father's girlfriend . And I remember I threw my phone on the floor and I said no , no , no , we're not gonna do this for context .

I didn't know my dad . My dad left when I was young and I Didn't know what he looked like , I didn't know what his name was , I didn't even know if he was alive at this point In my life . So then I picked up my phone and I said all right , let's , let's take a gander at this , let's see what this is all about .

And the message said your dad has seen you on Facebook and he's proud of you and if you want , he would like the opportunity to meet you , if that's something you want to do . And I remember I fell on the floor . I was bawling my eyes out because for most of my life I Never expected to have the opportunity to meet him .

I said the only time I was ever gonna see him is at his funeral . When I pissed on his grave like that's cut the level of hatred that I had for this man . I was not anticipating ever seeing him . And I Ended up messaging them back and saying , yeah , let's , let's do it , not because I wanted to , but I knew it would be an unlock for me .

And I messaged one of my friends and I told them what happened and they said are you gonna do it ? And I said I have to . I don't want to . I'm not excited , I don't want to do it , but I know it'll be an unlock for me .

This has , there has to be something under this 27 years of this and now I have the opportunity to go see what's created all of this pain inside me . There has to be something and I went and did it . And , alan , I told you this and I mentioned this on the podcast , but it was .

I had empathy to a degree for the man that I looked across the table and saw , because he was just a child . He was just a child . He's very immature , not very well developed , and I don't mean that a negative Dissway . I'm not trying to diss him , but I had that moment where I said , oh , I should be the father in this relationship for sure .

There's just no level of self-improvement . He just hasn't done that work , and that's the person that I've been villainizing for all these years . That's the person I gave so much power to .

That's the person why I let influence me for all these years , leaving that day , I was a different man , something that I don't want to say simple , because obviously that's a challenging thing , but something like that . That one hour changed my life , maybe more than anything ever has . That's what I'm talking about when I talk about an unlock .

It doesn't have to be that big . It could be something smaller , but that's what I'm talking about in this episode . And the question is what's yours ? Do you have that thing that you know you should do ? You can tell internally if I did this , things could be a little bit different .

Or if I message my , if I messaged my ex and said , hey , I'm sorry , the way things ended , or whatever , whatever it is for you , if I message my strange parent , if I message my strange family member , maybe something would be different . Do you have that ? If so , maybe that's something worth exploring .

It took a lot of courage to go to lunch with him , and I remember you telling the story about seeing him out the window and being like , oh that's .

Insert whatever cookie cutter phrase you want , but at the end of the day , life requires courage and the simple notion that I Need more courage . Even earlier today , I was on with a team member and we took a bathroom break because it was a couple hours and I had a moment During the bathroom break . I was like I have to share something ,

and it took a moment of courage of if I don't share this , I Don't know what will happen to our relationship in the future , but I know I would have to dial myself down a little bit more in the future .

I have to share this , this thing , and I think that everyone has different fears and but what I do know is the principle of whatever you're afraid of , it requires courage to face it . Are you afraid of going to the gym because you're afraid to be judged ? Are you afraid of DMing that person that you're attracted to because you're afraid of rejection ?

Are you afraid of giving that speech because you're afraid you're going to get laughed off stage or afraid of being rejected ? You're going to get laughed off stage or fruit is going to be thrown at you vegetables , I don't know what people throw , I'm just being playful . But are you afraid to jump on the microphone ?

Are you afraid to ask that person , that big guest , for an interview ? Are you afraid , or are you afraid , to message your ex ? Are you afraid to admit that you weren't perfect ? Are you afraid to face your trauma ? Are you afraid to face your poor choices ? Are you afraid to admit that you struggle with alcohol ?

Are you afraid to admit that you might have a drinking problem or a drug problem , or a porn problem or a I don't know ? Insert vice here problem . I Insert escape here problem , procrastination problem . That's a big one , and I do believe that all of us will grow in proportion to the amount that we face our fears .

I Think that that's cliche , but it's true , and Kevin mentioned his dad . I had a stepfather from age three to fourteen that I've talked a lot about , and my last name is actually Macorchol , my birth father's last Name's Macorchol . I took my , my stepfather's last name , lazarus , when I was , I think , around seven .

I don't know the exact age , but I messaged him on Facebook recently and there was something inside me that changed too , for sure , and it wasn't just a message , it was a let's get lunch . I want to . I Want to meet you now as the versions of us .

Now I'm not a little kid anymore and I always use this on other podcasts , but I want to use it on ours as well . You can rewatch . I Want to preface this because I know a lot of people struggle with memory . So , assuming you have a really good memory , you can rewatch the movie of your own life From a higher sense of awareness .

If you saw Finding Nemo when you were a kid and then you watch it again , you'll notice jokes you never noticed before . You'll notice lessons in there , moral , ethical dilemmas in there that you never noticed before . Oh , I never realized that . That was and and that can happen in your own life too , whether

it's Kevin driving in our hometown or it's you running into an old friend , or it's you Facing your past in whatever way . And so maybe you're afraid of your past , maybe you're afraid of your trauma , maybe you're afraid of the future .

I don't know what you're afraid of , but I do know it's gonna require courage and I Don't think you can really just have courage on a whim . I think you have to choose it . I think you you have that moment and you have to sit there with it and go . Okay , I'm afraid and I know I'm supposed to do this thing , this hard road in front of me .

I'm supposed to go there , I'm supposed to say that or do that , and I can either face that head-on or I can avoid it . And I think that when you admit , when you have the humility and the vulnerability to admit you're afraid , I think that's when you have the opportunity to have courage .

Because I think if you pretend you're not afraid and you act all macho which I think we've all been guilty of you don't really Face it because you think there's nothing to face . Oh well , I'm not , you know , I'm not scared of that . Oh no , I mean no big deal .

For me that is an ego response where you're basically pretending you're not afraid rather than saying I am afraid , but I'm going to have courage anyway . And I think that that second one is always where all the growth is , that's where all the unlocks are , to the point of this episode .

I'm going to London in a month or a couple months and I just the tickets that I'm gonna book are like 50% off . You should come to London . And I remember thinking no , no , no , I'm good , we're good , not unnecessary . What's in London ? That's not here ? I got McDonald's here . It's not a big deal , for me at least .

No , I'm not concerned at all , but I have that moment of yeah , no , you're probably right .

This would be a really good opportunity for me to do something that scares me , even though I don't want to do it , but I I think , I believe that a deep level , it would be an unlock , and that was the first time I had flown , since I was like I don't know 10 , 11 . That was the first time I'd flown in 15 years was it not .

It was definitely an unlock yeah , to the point where I've told this before and it's a joke but Andrew , who I went with , booked the wrong flight home . He booked a different flight home than me and told me a different date and I booked the same date as him , quote , unquote . And he

was wrong . So I had to get up at like four o'clock in the morning .

We stayed at one of it , maybe his cousin's place and I had to go at , yeah , his cousin's flat , and I had to wake up and I had to drag my luggage through the streets of London and I had to get on the tube and I had to take three trains to get to the airport and I was pooping my pants the whole time and I flew home alone and that was the first

time I've ever done that . You want to talk about an unlock ? That was a huge unlock for me and here's the thing I didn't have any option it . What am I going to do ? Stay there forever ? Or say , all right , I'll just pay however much to fly an extra tomorrow ? No way , I don't think that was even reasonable . So I had to do it .

But yeah , that was a big unlock for me and I've flown by myself since several times , many times , which never would have happened . That never would have happened . There's that . There's the thing there that is going to help you become more expansive , but it probably feels super constricting . I asked a client that today .

I said what is something that you know would be very expansive if you did it , but you know you have to walk through the constriction to make it happen and I said just sit with that like , let me know . Let me know , intuitively

I don't really come with questions , but that's a question I wanted to ask you based on what we've talked about today and it was a really good conversation because I think oftentimes to your point the pleasure is on the other side of the fear , or the expansion is on the other side of constriction , or the certainty is on the other side of uncertainty , or the

answer is on the other side of the question and , intuitively , maybe you know , maybe you know I've been hiding from this thing . Maybe you know I've been running from this thing to Alan's point . That would be my next level nugget . Trust your intuition with stuff like this .

I obviously it's simple to say meeting my dad , kind of knew that was going to be an unlock , but I didn't know it would be an unlock at the level it was and I never would have been able to predict that if I didn't do it .

Okay , if you didn't go meet your dad , would you have had the courage to be with Terrin ? You don't know , it's hard to know you know what I mean . So that's why I think self-improvement is so hard . It's like even when Emilia said the therapy thing I had , there's a part of me that said why there's no guarantee on the other side of the store .

Maybe it doesn't do anything , maybe it's a massive unlock . It happened to be a massive unlock and I think the only way you know is in proportion to the fear . If I was afraid to do therapy , then that means the unlock will be in proportion to that .

The shark diving in a cage that's something I would do for sure . I plan on doing that . That'd be cool , but I'm going to poop my pants , my poop my wetsuit . It's going to be a hot mess . No , I'm terrified , but I do think it's important . Is the unlock in alignment ?

I think we kind of know , you know , if your fear is holding you back from accomplishing what you want .

It can be simple , it can be go to the gym , whatever New outfit photo , social media , whatever the fear that you maybe it's messaging your mom , something , your dad , something , your stepdad , whatever . Think of that fear . How do we encourage people to get outside their comfort zone and face their fear ?

Have courage when we can't articulate what's going to come of it . What if it goes horribly wrong ? You'll still be grateful . You did it , probably . Most likely , yeah , and that's why everyone has to decide for themselves . But it's very hard to connect . That's one of the things about inner work that always frustrated me . It it didn't make any sense like why ?

Okay ? So me ? I live in the northern part of the town we grew up in . I grew up in

the southern part . I'm living in the northern part with Emilia , and that was actually a complete coincidence , because we were house shopping for a long time and this just happened to be one that I knew was magnificent .

She adored it too , but I agreed with Kev , when , when we moved to our next home , which we're already considering , we're looking and all that kind of stuff it will be an unlock , but I have no idea how big . I have no idea what will come of that . I have no idea . When we manifest for lack of better phrasing more of our goals and dreams .

I won't know how much of that was correlated to that .

I went into my future and I said , alan , would you regret it if you never saw this person again ? And the answer was yes . I said okay . What does that mean ? Okay , that means you really should . You , you need to see this person . And then there's a part of me too that knows this is going to be important , but I have no clue why .

No yeah , I think because we grew up together and it would be good to see how he's doing and to connect on that level . But I also think part of it is being the new me versus reverting , and I think another part of it is seeing the contrast that I maybe Used to delete or not want to see , or that kind of thing . Maybe it'll be good perspective for me .

At the end of the day , though , it's very hard to know what's gonna come of it . I think that's one of the biggest problems with self-improvement and personal development is you just don't really know what you're gonna achieve . It's not like you can say oh well , if you go to lunch with that person , you're gonna be able to buy a new Tesla .

You're gonna , whatever you just have a different perspective . All right , we got to go because you and I both have calls in two minutes . If you have not gotten your tickets the next level , live 2024 do so soon . We're coming up on it . It's coming very , very fast . I can't believe we're already in the Beginning of March . It's wild .

We have the in-person as well as the virtual . Tickets will be in the link below in the show notes tomorrow for episode number 1634 . Can your values change ? We talk often about core values , core beliefs and core aspirations , which I think is a thing that Emilia Lent to us . But as you get older , do your values change ? Should they change ? Can they change ?

Do you want them to change ? We're gonna talk about that tomorrow . As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and an L you . We did not have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow live with courage .