#1629 - Alignment Affects Overwhelm

Control equals confidence with a question mark , because that's kind of where we started and that was a through line of our conversation . So that is what is titled retroactively today for episode number 1629 alignment effects overwhelm . I know maybe you're sick of hearing me complain , but just always know I am complaining constructively , not complaining to just complain .

My complaints are usually tied to something and I always hope there's a lesson or a breakthrough in them . So this week has been one of the probably one of the busiest weeks I've ever had in terms of just the amount of hours put into doing stuff . And I had a realization yesterday Alan was it yesterday or Tuesday ? Yeah , yesterday where I got up at five .

And again , this is not that , this is not morning routine porn . I'm not saying you should get up at five and do this , this is just . This was my experience . I got up at five and I went and I worked . That is my morning routine . I walk into the office and I start working . That is , that's just the way I do it . I worked until like eight .

The cats eat breakfast to eight . I give them breakfast , I take my pre-workout drink , which is just nitric oxide , and then I went to the gym . So I went to the gym at 830 . I've been going to the gym at 830 and I had this moment before I went to the gym where I was thinking to myself I am so overwhelmed .

This is the last thing in the world I want to do . This is probably the last thing in the world I should do . I don't want . I should really just sit here and hammer out work . And when I got to the gym , I had this moment where I thought to myself this was the best thing I could have possibly done . Overwhelmed .

We've talked about many , many , many times , but as we learn more about it and experience it more , there'll always be new lessons . Overwhelmed , I believe , now more than ever , is not just the amount of things you're doing , it's the alignment of the amount of things you're doing . So this week has been the busiest , most stressful week I've had in

a minute . But I've also worked out every single day , whether it's jujitsu or weight lift or weight training and I'm convinced even though that might seem like it would overwhelm me more if I didn't do those things I wouldn't feel the way I feel . I'm good now . I feel good , I got through it , I got over the hump .

The other thing I had , the other realization I had , was it's very much felt like Groundhog Day , where I get up at five and I go to bed at like nine . So pop-up , my father-in-law , stayed with us for the week . It's Thursday , so he stayed , stayed from Sunday to Thursday , and I felt bad because , number one , I'm in the office all day .

I saw him like five times in the entirety of his time here . But I'd finish work at eight o'clock . I'd go out , I'd have a turkey sandwich that's what I've been eating for dinner , just because I'm dieting . I love turkey sandwiches and then we'd spend like 20 minutes together and I'd be like all right , I'm gonna head off to bed .

It's like 8.35 , 8.40 , and it sucks in the moment and it feels overwhelming , it feels constricting to do that day in and day out , day in and day out . But then I wake up somewhat refreshed and then I do it again , but I just make sure I'm checking or I'm just looking at alignment .

The further outside of alignment you go with tasks , I think , the the more you have to focus on coming back in with things , whether it's yoga for you . Imagine you wake up in the morning and you're like I have a laundry list of things I have to get done today . I'm gonna skip yoga .

What if yoga actually allowed you to get two more things done , because you're more aligned , you're more fulfilled , you're more abundant , whatever it is . So just can just be very , very careful and I'm telling this to myself as much as anybody else be very , very careful when you decide .

I'm overwhelmed , I'm not going to do blank when in reality , the thing that you're avoiding actually fills your cup , not drains it . That's , that was my experience . Jujitsu is physically terrible . It is so tiring , but when I get home I'm fulfilled , I'm it's , I'm higher emotionally , I'm higher vibe , I just I feel better .

I feel like I did something weight training , same thing I . I've been hitting it really hard . It sucks , but when I get back , my body is tired , but my mind isn't necessarily tired . I'm not overwhelmed as much as I was before I left .

gonna be published tomorrow morning probably , and it's about the five s's of success sacrifice , struggle , suffer , success and then sustain .

And it's become very , very clear , because the whole blog is Unpacking all of my Previous building blocks and challenges and pressure and overwhelm that actually have created a lot of the things that Not only my dreams , but a lot of people , a lot of things that a lot of people would want , a lot of things that a lot of people do want .

And so the reason why I'm mentioning the blog is because in the blog , it's very clear in hindsight that the different chapters in my life had a ton of overwhelm in them , and so , for example , the pressure cooker that you're in , the grind time that you're in , I was telling you last night that Kevin's worked three 14-hour days in a row .

That sounds awful and honestly it is . There's no part about that . That's not like brutally difficult , yeah , but there's going to be a benefit on the other side of that . There's gonna be , there has to be , and a lot of it is things we don't even notice .

So Planting seeds , planting seeds , planting seeds , watering the seeds , watering the seeds , watering the seeds , you know , doing the plow ? I don't . I don't really know how to do any of this gardening stuff or farming , but it's a

good analogy because you put in tons and tons and tons of work in one season Well overwhelmed 14-hour days , 10-hour day , 12-hour day , 11-hour day , 5-hour day , weekend still struggle . Bus , you know , didn't get to see pops . That stuff is Going to create Something on the other end of it .

That's actually wonderful and I just feel like all of us are so Unreasonably guilty of not understanding the seesaw effect of this . So Kevin looks like he's down when he's doing three 14-hour days in a row go to bed at 9 , wake up at 5 , rinse and repeat Groundhog Day .

But Even those three days Are building a bigger , better , brighter future that no one can see yet , including you . And when you do have a season where things are fruitful and We've had seasons that I know you were all of a sudden everything is just winning Clients coming out of no listener . Everything's winning , and it seems like we .

It's so elusive because I try to remind Kevin of this whenever we have like a big month or a big quarter or things are just rolling , things come out of nowhere . I say this has nothing to do with what we are doing right now .

This has everything to do with what we've done up until this point , and so , when it comes to overwhelm , I Think there's a mistruth that I think many people , including myself , are up against , which is the belief that you can achieve Great things without it .

I I no longer believe that's true in anything , and I know that's not the point of this episode that you wanted to make . But all good For me , for example , very overwhelmed as well , definitely the most overwhelmed I've ever been , but I'm also able to handle that overwhelm more . It's the whole squatting analogy .

Now that I'm better at squatting , I can squat heavier weight , that kind of thing , but I'm still Doing the things that are aligned in tandem with the stuff I don't want to , and so I think a good way to Explain this is you have one train , which is the stuff you have to do in order to achieve the thing that you ultimately want , whatever it is .

And and then there's this other train that is aligned , that actually fulfills you . That's sort of something that you want to do forever for your lifestyle . So yoga would be a good example . So Kevin's immediate financial goals yoga does not help that , but it does . If yoga fulfills you and allows you to sustain the grind that

sucks . And I like the word grind , not because I think everyone should grind their faces off . I like the word grind because it implies that it sucks . Everything you do in life that achieves something great whether it's financial freedom or a great body or whatever it is great . Intimate relationship . It requires some grind . No one likes doing dishes .

No one likes cleaning the house . No one likes vacuuming most likely , I don't wanna say no one , but most people don't and some people tolerate it or whatever . But I think , no matter what you do , you wanna have a wonderful household and a family . Do you want the grind ? You wanna have financial freedom ? Do you want the grind ? You wanna have a better body ?

Do you want the weight training and the yoga and the mobility and the sleep and the hydration and the nutrition and all that and the diet ? So you mentioned turkey , sandwiches , 14 hour days . All that sucks , but I love turkey sandwiches . Turkey sandwiches are great , but it kinda sucks compared to pizza .

I woke up today , down however many pounds maybe three or four pounds overall , not since yesterday and I had a moment where I said maybe I don't know where I said well , it hasn't really been that hard because I haven't had any , it just hasn't been a focus . The diet's just happening but I don't really have time to focus on it , which is really good .

And then you mentioned this in group coaching I haven't really had time to spend money .

So I know there's people out there , maybe listening to this , that get up at five o'clock and go to work for 13 hours and don't like their jobs .

That's a different conversation , but I do think it would still benefit you not to sleep in , get your eight hours of sleep on the weekend , but don't sleep for 12 hours and then sit in the couch all day and scroll Netflix , because that's not gonna do it .

I know you're tired , but going for a walk in nature , going to a yoga class , going and exercising well , it might make you physically tired . I think it's gonna help you mentally . I really , really , really do . I think there's fulfillment in that type of stuff . So I just wanna add that .

But I did love the security , the health insurance , the safety net , the big checks coming in rolling in . So there's pros and cons to everything .

I think that what I wanna make sure I'm doing with myself always is looking at both sides of that , because I think when things are good , it's really easy to fall for the whole well , things are good , now we're rolling , we made it , this is good , and so when things are good , it's hard to keep that humility and not get overconfident and overoptimistic .

When things are tough and it's just a grind and there seems like very little to no benefit , I mean there are times when it feels like there's just no , nothing's winning , nothing's going right . I'm working so hard and I get nothing for it .

It's so easy to fall for that because the work you're doing today is creating the future tomorrow and that next big upswing on that . Seesaw is gonna be the

next level , maybe beyond your wildest dreams , maybe beyond what you've ever experienced that's what I would say , beyond what you've experienced to this point .

And so it's all about that sort of season of , okay , it's grind season and then it's fruitful , and then it's grind season and then it's fruitful , and then it's grind season and it's fruitful and I fruitful , and I do believe that that is the way it works . I can feel people's , my clients . It's really cool because I have I coach a lot of people .

So I can feel the grind and I think it's one because we're all part of a community . But I think the other piece of it is I can feel the grind in the world . It's almost like there are certain seasons like January . January is a season where everyone's ready and optimistic and they're just in a good place . The holiday everything's good .

Prior to the holidays it's not good . Everyone's kind of struggling . They're trying to buy Christmas presents , they're trying to do all this stuff . There's a lot going on . I know it's global , so not everyone celebrates Christmas , but the point is , is that I can start to understand the macroeconomic but the energy of everybody in this constant season .

I really wanna make this land is . There are seasons where you're going to be overwhelmed , and how do you make that not a problem ?

How do you make that okay , how do you make that par for the course Meaning this is what it takes and then trust during that grind that there's gonna be a time where everything feels like it's working and you're rocking and rolling and you're kicking butt and I just think that the grind time will be not easier but more fulfilling if you can trust that and

it'll be easier to sustain , I guess . And then , when the good times do come , it's very important again talking to myself here too to just remember like this is not going to last . It's not . Especially , if you want to get to the next level , you're gonna have to go to a deeper level , you're gonna have to have another level of dedication in advance .

So I think all success , no matter what it is family , health , wealth , love , life , business , body all success is built on the work behind the scenes that no one sees , and I think a lot of people are struggling behind the scenes way more than they ever portray publicly , and I think only our intimate partners really know . And that's okay .

I just want to make it okay to struggle . I think it's really important to

not think something's wrong with you when you're struggling because there's not a person I coach who isn't struggling behind the scenes to reach for that next level .

The grind is gonna be different and eventually it might be easier in certain ways and harder in other ways , because you're not gonna have cats scratching at your door . You're gonna have kids screaming outside the office , hypothetically , but our goals are gonna require us to work really , really hard , very consistently , for many , many , many , many years .

And that's okay . We signed up for that . I think the the issue at times becomes the belief that I'm gonna , not me , the collective me of the us , the we .

I have to grind every single day and I have to wake up at five and I have to do this morning routine and I have to work until nine and then I have to make sure I do this and I do this and I do this and I do this If that's what your goals require .

That's a different conversation , but I really think I've said this many times on podcasts people say what , what do you think makes you guys different , I don't know Holistic . We want to be well rounded . I don't want to be wealthy and single . I don't want to be super in shape and broke . I want everything , I want to level up everything .

That's really my , my main focus .

But I said I , I really think our strength came from the weakness of thinking everybody had to do something in a certain way . Really , what we're always trying to do is move you closer to your , the right place for you . So there are some of you that need to grind more definitely 100% .

There are some of you that needs are and are more definitely 100% , and there is a lot of people in the middle that it's . It's not 90% , 10% , it's 80% , 20 and then it's 70% 30 . But it's all about figuring out what is it for you , what is the best approach for you ?

I really think that's the most important thing because , again , unfortunately , a lot of us are convinced that we're supposed to be overwhelmed and we're supposed to grind , but the goals we want aren't necessarily indicative of that level of effort . Now it's a different conversation , as I mentioned in yesterday's episode of the episode before .

If you get to the place that you think you wanted , you say this isn't what I wanted and then you're , you regret the work you did , or you get , quote-unquote , stuck in a place that you don't want to be and you regret the work you didn't do . Those are different , different things .

No , you can't , because you're gonna look at the top of the top who aren't doing it the way you're doing it . You gotta try for long enough to see what happens . That's the hardest part . I know a lot of people . That's the hardest part I know Because you know what's long enough ?

months , six years . That's the thing , Dude .

I think for most of us is figuring out the inner game of what's most important to us and then matching it with the outer game of what we're capable of .

But it is fascinating to ask that question to you because I checked in with myself as well . I don't know if I really have a good answer . I would say if you tend to enjoy R&R more , you probably need to grind more , and if you tend to enjoy working more , you probably need to R&R more . That's the best I could come up with .

But of course it's that way because I've noticed there's certain people that I'll coach I know we got to jump soon that they want huge things like they do . They really have big goals and they really do want to achieve them . But I'll notice that there's this part of them and this is where it gets complicated , because we all have different parts .

There is a part of me that just wants to watch movies and eat food . That's true . It's luckily not the biggest part , because if it was , we'd be in serious trouble . But there's a part of me that does love R&R and there's a bigger part of me that loves to grind . Fortunately , my goals are also congruent with that .

And then the philosophical question becomes did I develop the part that loves to grind more because I had to grind , because I shot for those goals , or is that naturally who I was , and so there are seasons where you have to ?

So , for example , you're loving the grind right now , but you're really learning to love the grind because you don't actually want to sustain this . You don't want to work 14-hour days every week .

And the people who are on that other end of the R&R side it's good to coach them because I help them grow the other part . But the things they want in life Kev a lot of times again I'm just speaking about my clients are actually beyond what their grind can get them , and that makes me sad because you can want that all day .

You can want to make $7,000 a month . It's easy to want that . But if you actually intend on creating $7,000 a month and the lifestyle that comes with that , think about how good your lifestyle could be if you could pull that off . If you could actually and I believe everyone could if they really , really , really , really tried and they played the long game .

I can teach you how to do it . But if what you want in life like a beach house or whatever requires $7,000 a month , that's a big number , maybe five , whatever , but then you need to have some part of you that actually enjoys grinding .

You almost have to develop it and learn how to enjoy it even though you don't enjoy it , and so that's a whole nother discussion . But at the beginning of this episode we talked about overwhelm and sacrifice , struggle , all this stuff .

There's certain things that you enjoy , that fulfill you , that you need to do forever and by need to you should do forever , because they keep you on , they keep your mental health well , and then there's this other bucket of stuff that no one wants to do . That is just part of life , and immediately his dad calls it a shit sandwich .

You have to wake up every day . You have to eat a shit sandwich , and Emilia says that too , and I feel like every one of us has a shit sandwich . We have to eat at least once a day , and maybe that's for me . It's writing .

I can't stand it , but I know I'm supposed to do it and I'm starting to enjoy it more , which is good because I'm starting to get in flow . But for the last 59 days of 2024 , I haven't missed , but I haven't once been excited to write , and , just like you're not excited to do certain things .

You do so , but they are necessary for you to create the income that creates the lifestyle that you ultimately want , and so I think that's a constant duality that we all have to face , and hopefully some breakthroughs came of this . Another episode about overwhelm .

It's holding your breath and going and doing something that's just not sustainable . Could I work 14 hours a day , five days a week , forever ? Yeah , I could . I physically could . My relationship would burn to the ground , my mental health would burn to the ground . I wouldn't get enough sleep .

But I also wasn't designed to work 14 hour days , three days in a row at one point . But it's aligned Again . We got to go . We got to go because you have a call , so don't don't open another rabbit hole . You have heard this many , many times , but I just a friendly reminder . Next Level Live is March 23rd , 2024 .

Virtual as well as in-person Tickets are available . Link will be in the show notes . We would love to see you there . Anything you want to add very quickly .

And then there's a success on the other side of that seesaw that you do end up seeing and you know brand new , beautiful house , but yet the mortgage is wildly overwhelming . That's just life and there's nothing wrong with you .

Decide the level of overwhelm that you can tolerate comfortably Not comfortably that you can tolerate without burning to the ground right now , and make sure you design your goals based on that . That's my next level nugget .

That is what I would say . My next level nugget Tomorrow for episode number 1,630 , the importance of understanding your feedback language .

We're very big on feedback giving feedback , asking for feedback , receiving feedback but I had an understanding , or I had a breakthrough recently that I wanted to share when it comes to feedback , so we will talk about that tomorrow .

As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we do not have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .