#1614 - Can You Be Motivated Without This?

I Was watching , I saw a clip I believe I can never remember I never cite things because I can never really remember them because I move on so quickly from one thing to another thing but I saw something somewhere on the interwebs and they were talking about One of the reasons fitness can be so hard , one of the reasons getting results in fitness can be so hard

, one of the reasons showing up to the gym or showing up to your Own version of exercise may walking , yoga , hot yoga , whatever it is One of the reasons all that is so hard is because if you don't have a specific goal Excuse me , a specific goal there is no motivation . There's no way to be motivated . If you don't have a goal , go ahead .

When you set a goal , an appropriate goal , the right size , the right distance , it feels like the right distance , it feels like the right probability You'll actually be able to accomplish it . That is more , more than likely going to motivate you anyway . If you set a small goal , it's too small , might not motivate you .

If you set a goal that's too large , it might not motivate you . It might end up one of two things . One , it's not even worth me doing this because even if I get the result I want , nothing's gonna change . Or there's no point me even doing this because there's no way I ever accomplished that . There's no way I ever accomplished that . I think momentum

and motivation are more connected than we give credit for . When you set a goal , let's say , for you out there , your goal is a Specific goal . There's a big difference between setting a goal of saving more money and and setting a goal of having $5,000 in your bank six months from today so you can do blank .

If you just want to save money when you're driving by the drive-through or your app target or wherever you are on Amazon , there's not as much motivation for you not to buy something you don't need . It's just not specific enough . The goal isn't specific enough to keep you on track . But if you have a number in your mind , I want to .

I want $6,000 six months from today so my family and I can go on vacation . That's a really good motivator because there's a lot of necessity there . There's a lot of necessity there and you can quite literally think okay , I have $3,000 in the bank . Do I really need to spend $40 in the drive-through right now ? That's $40 that could go Towards this fund .

So , yeah , that's . That's the episode that I wanted to do today , because I think we fall victim to this . I will be motivated when I start something , and I think you have to have a goal before you're gonna have motivation . Unfortunately , I think

it's just set up that way .

It's more like the train tracks that we must stay on to achieve our goals . Keep us on the rails the things that need to be in place to actually be motivated . So , for example , you go online and you say , oh , that person's so ignited , that person's so motivated , that person's so on point , they're so dialed in .

That person has certain things set up that maybe you don't . The first one is self-belief . Underneath every goal is self-belief . If you don't have self-belief , you're not gonna set a goal . And even if you do , it'll be a goal that doesn't really pull you or push you or motivate you , because you don't really think it's gonna happen anyway .

So number one is self-belief . And if you build someone's self-belief and this is the irony unfortunately self-belief doesn't get built unless you set a goal and then achieve it . We have this formula for self-belief and group coaching that we teach where we talk about . You have to state , prove , self-assign . So you have to state I'm going to lose five pounds .

Then you have to prove to yourself that you can do that and then you have to self-assign I did that . I said I was gonna do it and I did it , and this is usually an unconscious process . Early on in Kevin and I's learning how to communicate effectively , we realized that there's two types of ways to communicate . He communicates more inform and lead .

I communicate more state and prove . In other words , I say a bold statement , like what I did right there . I said so many things need to be in place prior to being motivated .

That's state . Now I'm gonna prove that to everybody . And that's actually the worst way to communicate . By the way , kevin usually starts with a story which is in form about something and then bring the lesson later . But one of the reasons why I think I've built so much self-belief is because I state and prove with myself .

I'm constantly setting and stating things in my own mind and then proving I can do it constantly and so .

But here's the problem , and this is what we do in group coaching If you have level two belief and set a level 10 goal , you're gonna actually destroy your self-belief Because you're gonna say , oh , I'm gonna do X , y , z , and then you're not gonna do it and that's gonna actually destroy your self-belief . It's gonna dwindle and decay your self-belief .

Whereas if you have level two self-belief and you set a level two goal , you'll actually do it , and when you do it , you'll self-assign it .

And when you self-assign it , you're gonna go to level three self-belief and then you'll set a level three goal and then you'll do it , you'll achieve it and then you'll self-assign it and then you'll go to level four self-belief . This is my thesis . If you have high self-belief , you will not be okay with not being motivated . That is my new thesis .

There's a client right now that is going through a really tough time and she had huge , huge , huge goals for many , many , many years that she was aiming for , shooting for , climbing for , and she's come to learn about herself and grow about herself and realize that you know what . Those goals aren't as aligned as I once thought .

We've all been through that process and I was a fitness coach at one point and then eventually it was like well . I don't know if I'm gonna be able to sink five hours a day into this , especially when I'm more passionate about business leadership communication . So now she , you can't go all the way back though .

You can't go from I had level 10 goals and I was level 10 motivated all the way back to you know , I think I'm just gonna hang out . She has too much self-belief now .

She knows that she's capable of more and she can't just sit there , and so this is the thing that I really wanted to share with everybody , and I hope that everyone knows that I wanna help you flourish as much as humanly possible . So please don't take this the wrong way . If I was coaching you listener preferably a listener out there I would say if you really

want to achieve something or be motivated , you actually have to dislike your current circumstance . I'll give you a perfect example . So last night , I had this moment with myself where I looked down and I was not thrilled about my body fat right now ? Now am I fat , or anything like that ? No , and again , here's my point , though .

I had a real moment with myself . I was like , ah , come on , man , you know what I mean . Like , come on , you're coming to the two years of consistent exercise and that's what you've got for me . That's my honest dialogue . Now some would say , oh well , don't shame yourself and all that stuff .

I'm with you , I'm not shaming myself , but I did have that honest moment of I'm not okay with this . Here's the truth . This is the thing . No one tells you , if I'm okay with it , it won't change . It won't change until I'm not okay with it . And that puts us all in this weird spot . Well , do you spend your whole life not okay with yourself ?

And that can get very toxic if you're never okay with self . But you know what else is toxic ? Being okay with any standard , anytime , anything , no big deal , let it ride Right , I had a client and this will be the last piece .

I had a client who I genuinely confronted and I said brother , you're trying to consistently exercise , you're trying , I appreciate it , you admire what I'm doing . You want to exercise every day , like me . You want to get fit , you want to get ripped . How do I get a six pack ? Right ? You ever had someone ask you that you don't trust me ?

And if you do , Nobody asked me that .

It's it's like it will take you three or four years from where you are right now , most likely of like pretty consistent effort even myself in , or just be hungry , yeah , forever . You can be , you can be satiated or have a six pack . Never both , right . So anyways , I'm being playful with this .

But this client of mine , I had to really confront him and I said all right , you know I'm trying to help you flourish . You've actually told me I'm too soft on you . So here we go , he did . He said , dude , I'm you're too soft , tell me what's up . I'm paying you as a coach . Okay , cool , Awesome .

I Said how much does it bother you how , how out of shape you are ? And he's like what do you mean ? And I said from my perspective , it doesn't seem to bother you that much . And he said , yeah , no , I mean . I said okay , imagine you . You're out and around around other people . It's summer , you're at a barbecue or whatever . You're with your kids .

How much does it bother you how bad you look ? You said , honestly , not really . I said that's how I know you're not gonna do it . It's okay , I said . I Said insert name . I'll keep it anonymous . But I said I'm so unhappy with the way I look right now I don't mean that from like a shaming way I'm proud of myself . On one side it's a duality .

I'm proud of myself , I've done a good job , awesome . But if I'm sitting at a barbecue , if you and I are by a lake Kev and we're in our bathing suits , how unhappy .

Now the dangerous part of that is if you have low self-belief

, you don't think you can change it and you're dissatisfied . That's called being dangerously stuck and that will crush yourself a steam and your self-worth and that's actually detrimental and destructive . So I don't want anyone to get stuck in shame or stuck in that pit , but what I do want you to do is be honest to yourself .

Okay , what is my level of self-belief ? 0 to 10 . Okay , what is the standard that I've set in fitness or in health or in my relationship or in my career , whatever it is ? And is there a misalignment ? Is there a misalignment ? Meaning if you have higher self-belief than you are actually demonstrating , it's good .

It's gonna cause inner turmoil and inner turmoil is how we change . That's how we change as human beings . That's why , when people get into NLU and they start building self-belief and self-worth , all of a sudden their old friends that they realize they're toxic now aren't okay anymore . They raised their standards .

And when you raise your standards , you also raise the dissatisfaction level . And when you raise the dissatisfaction level , that's where real motivation comes from . And people don't talk about this because it's not , it's not fun . I am being dissatisfied with my current physique . I say this because I want to be vulnerable and honest with everybody I'm .

I had a moment with myself last night that was very painful . It was like come on , man , but guess what ? I'm gonna crush it in the gym tonight . And I know that that's where real motivation comes from . But but and this is the last thing if I had low self-belief and didn't believe I could change it , that could be a very dark place .

So I'm gonna do that nine times out of 10 .

I did , and then , going back to our previous episode , I just kind of reset him . I said I'm not I . This is a very fine line and also maybe a potential trigger warning when I get overwhelmed , I wanna eat .

I don't wanna have any limitations on well , yeah , kev , you can't have that because that has too many calories , or you can't have that because it's not salad . I honestly don't care . I just don't care enough right

now . That is my honest truth . If I wanna get Taco Bell because I'm overwhelmed and that makes me , that helps my short-term mental health , I'd rather do that than say , oh , I feel really good because I can see my abs , but I am just miserable . I don't wanna do that right .

The other thing I wanted to say is , when you so when you get progress in something and then your standards change , that can be a very weird time , because when your standards change in one thing , sometimes it's harder to change your standards in other things .

So maybe you're let's just say you're fitness , because we're talking a lot about fitness Maybe your fitness standard changes . Then it requires more prioritization of that thing , which then makes it harder to do the other things Then you have to reprioritize those things .

Then , when those standards raise this is why it's really hard to have high standards in health , wealth and love , because they all require so much focus , so much , so much . So , with that being said ,

make sure you're balancing out the grace with the feedback you're giving yourself , because if you're growing , if you're making the most money you've ever had and you're in the best shape you've ever been , and your relationship is suffering a bit . It's understandable .

Yeah , if any segment of those three , any pairing of those three , I'm convinced that , at all times , one of them's being neglect 100% , pretty much at all times , yeah , yeah 100% . Now , it might not always be totally , totally recognizable .

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Definitely will . Alan and I have had this conversation . I said I think I could work out every day if I wanted to , but I don't want to . I don't want to sign up for that because I think it'll be detrimental . I really do . I don't think it would be good for the business .

I don't think it would be because when we did the 10 pound and 10 week challenge , I was going to the gym in the middle of the day .

There are times in my life where I was 10 out of 10 fitness but my relationship was taking a hit . There were times when I was 10 out of 10 relationship but the business was suffering . I remember one time I canceled four paid coaching sessions to go on a date day with Emilia .

It was one of the best days we've ever had , but I remember being like that's a $600 hit . That was a big mistake and I just want to make it clear . Now here's the thing . Was that a mistake from our relationship ? Definitely not . That was a core memory Going to the Biltmore , and I recommend it for anyone who's ever . You can look it up the Biltmore .

It was beautiful and it's a bucket list item for Emilia . As soon as I found that out , I said , okay , we're here . She found it . It was only a half hour away and I had to cancel and I told my clients . I said listen , I never do this . I'm so sorry I gotta do this . It's bucket list , but I'm not gonna lie . There's a part of me that told her .

I literally said I said that was a big hit . That was a big hit . That's a lot of momentum , that's a lot of business , that's a lot of impact that my clients , all of that . So you can't win 10 out of 10 in everything you can't , but you also can't neglect everything .

You don't want to get wealthy and then realize that you are too unhealthy to enjoy it . I told Emilia this . I said I do not want to end up at the top of this mountain not in love . I don't want to climb a mountain with you and then be not in love at the top . I want to be in love along the way . And this episode's about motivation .

It's almost like everything is two sides of every coin . On one side , if you're not motivated

in something , you're just you haven't tapped into what you really want , or maybe you have low standards , or maybe you've just been ignoring it or neglecting it . Like I have with certain things okay Cause I've been super 10 out of 10 with exercise but my diet I'm with Kev . I haven't been caring at all .

I mean , I've just been like , whatever I exercise every day , let me eat what I want , and it's awesome . That's the truth . You want to know why it's so hard to stay in shape . Eating is awesome . It's so good , kev . It's so good Not having to dial in a calorie .

Emilia is tracking , she's doing the app and she's tracking macros and I'm actually helping her with that , which is really cute , but I'm like I don't care at all .

If Kevin and I appear motivated to you , or anyone online who appears motivated , I promise you behind the scenes they are more dissatisfied than they're portraying . Okay , there's this thing where people do this and we do this too .

You need to show up front , facing in abundant energy , but the moment these cameras and mics go off , we're back into grind time , we're back in a necessity , we're back into a little bit of scarcity . We're back into hey , you know what , alan ?

You may have exercised 713 days in a row , but you haven't dialed in your diet in years to the point where you used to when you were a fitness model , and you will never get back to that level

when you were on stage if you do not do something about this . And that is the honest conversation that you have to have with yourself . So , on one side , I want you to give yourself grace , I want you to give yourself compassion , I want you to give yourself love . I want you to love and accept who you are On the other side .

You have to balance that out with wow , I am seriously not living up to my own potential and I'm gonna do something about that . And if I don't feel the pain of not living up to my own potential , I'm not gonna be fulfilled . I do believe we are not fulfilled because we know we're capable of more .

Deep down inside you , you know you can do more and I'm just not satisfied with that and so I'm going to make some changes and that's life . So if you wanna know what motivation is , motivation is being dissatisfied the right amount .

But if they're just a little bit higher , if you raise your standards and you raise your results and you raise your standards and you raise your results , that's a really good place to be . Don't create standards that create feedback you can't handle yet . Yeah , I think , that's a really good way to put it .

Yeah , you're 15 days in talking to your coach and they're like there's no way you're going to be able to do this . You're not following the program , you're not doing your exercises , you're not running , you're not doing your mobility , your nutrition isn't where it needs to be , and imagine if that's the first time you've ever gotten that level of feedback .

That's going to suck .

I'm not asking everyone to be that hard on themselves . Even with that client , I was basically saying you don't really care as much as me , and that's fine , so stop trying to . It's almost like you want to be as motivated as me

, but you aren't as dissatisfied , right ? And he's like , yeah , no , I don't really care . And then we talked about finance and he's like , oh my , and you could see it just come out of him , dude . I was like there , you go , focus on that . That's okay . You don't have to be some fitness model . What are you going to do ?

You don't care , he's in decent shape . I just want him to be honest with himself and so , hopefully , all the listeners , just be honest with yourself , are you ? If you're not motivated , it's one of two things . Number one maybe you're actually okay with where you're at . That's okay .

You either are satisfied because you're like , yeah , I'm hitting my own standards , great , awesome . Or you're dissatisfied because you're lying to yourself , pretending that you're hitting your standards , when in reality , deep down , you do know you're capable of more . And I want to pour into that if that's the case , because I think that's how we all improve .

I think that's how the world becomes better . I think that's leadership , because maybe you have children or maybe you have friends that need your inspiration , your motivation . They need you to ignite and do that thing .

And so , very last thing , kev , I have a client who is getting her PhD and I said , to be completely transparent , if you shoot for a 4.0 , like you did with your masters , I think that's going to be destructive for your mental health . I want you to climb this mountain , but please don't try to climb it perfectly . And so I said what are you going for ?

She said 3.0 . I said you know what's awesome about that ? You'll probably end up with a 3.5 . But if you shoot for 4.0 again , it's going to destroy your mental health . I know it is , I've witnessed it . So climb them out , and I'm with you . Let's do this , but please don't try to climb it perfectly , because if you do , it's just going to be destructive .

If you come in person , you will get a free next level dreamliner as well as a catered lunch . If you watch virtually , you will get a virtual experience . Unfortunately , we can't give you a meal . The logistics of that would be damn near impossible . Maybe we'll send you a bagged lunch .

We have breakout sessions in between each session . So it's hands on and you'll leave with something more than you came with , for sure .

This is a great opportunity to take a deeper dive into what NLU does . It's going to be similar to podcast episodes , but it'll definitely be deeper in terms of the content .

As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we don't have fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .