#1585 - Is Your Regret Real?

Today episode number 1,585 is your regret real ? I've told this story before , but I think it's one of the best and most relatable stories when it comes to regret , and I just want to start this off by saying I think for many of us , regret is a realization . So let's just think of that . As I tell this story , I was in a relationship .

Alan always laughs when I talk about these stories . I don't think this one's one of those . But I was in a relationship . I hope not . It wasn't great and I had those moments of look , I'd probably be better off if I was single . I'd probably be better off if I wasn't committed to this person . I don't really know if this relationship is great for me .

It's definitely not the most positive relationship I've ever been in . I mean , it wasn't anything too terrible , but even that right Doesn't sound great .

I'll never forget this . I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I was texting with this my girlfriend at the time and I remember I sent the message and it was like , honestly , let's just not do this anymore . We both know this isn't going to work . We both know this is not going to last . Let's just not do this anymore .

And she's like , yeah , ok , that was all right . Cool , that was easy , easier than I expected . But then I had that moment of regret of I don't know . I don't think it was that bad .

So , yeah , my mental health was not in a good space . Was it really that bad to travel ? I stayed in some sketchy hotels .

And I've said that before when we've done similar episodes .

But how many times have we made a decision , had that regret and then not followed through with the decision and then been stuck in the same place that we've been stuck in and eventually , usually we go through some big enough change or enough pain and then maybe we're willing to push through the regret . So , yeah , that's where I want to take this episode .

Is your regret real ? All I'm saying with that is I think a lot of us get regret or feel regret or have regret when we take an action that is more aligned than not . But we have that moment of questioning ourselves Is this right ? Did I make the right decision ? Was that partner really that bad ? Was that job really that bad ?

We have a way of saying , well , now that it's gone , I miss it , even though when I had it I didn't really want it in the first place , so that's where I want to take this episode .

I'm doing a blog right now on the 5s's of success . We've talked about them before , but the first one is sacrifice . The sacrifice comes long before the benefit , long before success . It's actually the very first of the 5s's sacrifice . Sacrifice almost never feels good . I think all progress comes down to giving something up now for something better later .

makes it 10 times harder . What's a good example of this ? I've been going on a lot of podcasts lately . It's been really good , it's been enjoyable . And again enjoyable is probably the wrong phrasing . I think some have been good , some have been bad .

There have been a couple hosts that were ding-dongs that I really regretted , but I think overall it's been good for me .

There's a big difference between me saying it's been good for me in terms of my craft as a podcaster , my desire to serve , my ability to stay myself in all these different dynamics to answer the questions , and I do believe it's been good for all the listeners . It's been good for the hosts as well . Obviously , we've worked on our craft a lot .

I think we can add a lot of value on a podcast , but my point is that there have been moments and shout out to Laura . Laura is the one who leads the department of other media and she's asked is this too many ? Are you going on too many or do you want to dial it down ? Do you want to dial it up ?

I'm always trying to dial it up or down and lately it's been . I've been really overwhelmed . I've been having trouble getting it all done and there have been a few moments of is this worth it ? Should I dial this back ? Should I consider going on less shows ? And it comes down to I either level up or I decide to go back , to go backward .

So I think all progress comes with a trade-off . There's no such thing as something for nothing , and whether it's Kev leaving his partner and then afterwards being like I don't know , isn't that courage ? And that's when courage comes in and goes no .

Trust that you made the right call , trust yourself , trust that this is going to be better , even though right now it's brutal . And if we can hang in that , if you can hang in the storm , the other side , if you can hang in the storm , can be really , really , really good . It can be .

And if you can't hang in the storm , it's going to be tough and you're going to have to go back to the previous level .

Of course , 100% , but a lot of the things that , a lot of the things that I changed , I made large changes . I had a lot of the inner dialogue of I don't know if it was that bad before . I don't know if it was as bad as you think it was . Every time .

moment where then you see all the shining times Like , oh yeah , but you remember that time when we went to that place , we were working on the ocean , it was so nice . Remember that . But remember when my partner and I went on that trip , that was awesome . Yeah , that was really cool . I don't know . I think your brain is just .

It's just trying to trick you into staying safe . Yeah , definitely , and what's certain is often safe . You'll grab on to a barbed wire fence if you're gonna fall off a cliff . If you're hanging off the edge of a cliff , you don't care if it's a rope or a piece of wood that's gonna give you splinters or a barbed wire fence . You're just grabbing on something .

You need certainty . You wanna stay safe .

One of them this is the I've never really contemplated this way . This way is I made a decision that I knew was aligned and then I felt regret and had to power through it Versus . What I usually talk about in regret is what do you regret from your past ? That's actually an indicator that you can make a change now .

And that's the other side of this coin , which is if everyone were to just think about things they regret from their past . I was emotionally immature for sure . You , me and I just did a conscious couples podcast episode why men struggle in relationships , and it's this idea that they don't have any trauma .

We've had several couples that we've coached and the male in the relationship is like , well , I don't really have any trauma . And that's when we know oh no , this is gonna be an uphill battle , like , of course , you do . You've been beaten up in high school or maybe you got bullied or whatever . Like trauma is if you think you have no trauma .

You just obviously

aren't trauma informed . And I think that I look back at my past and I realized that I probably would have said the same thing in my early 20s Maybe not because I had some serious traumas , but I was definitely emotionally mature . For sure . I didn't understand what the difference between little T trauma and big T trauma is .

I didn't understand the difference between emotional intelligence and all that . I didn't understand any of this stuff in my early 20s , and so my point is to bring it back to regret is I do regret that I regret not journaling when I was younger . I regret not reading personal development books . I regret not reading books .

I joke with Kev about the time on Facebook when I posted this back in college . I posted a meme on Facebook that said I read somewhere of the dangers of drinking , so I quit reading . It's just brutal . Like not only and again , obviously I was being playful , but I wish that I had read more books . I wish that I had taken that more seriously .

I wish I found personal growth earlier . I wish I found personal development earlier . And I do regret being ignorant , and it's not from a place of let's beat Allen up . It's not from a place of self-deprecation , it's really not . I think I have a healthy relationship with this . I just okay , allen , you grew up around no personal growth , zero personal growth .

Okay , not your fault . Not your fault , okay . Was there some people who were into growth that you probably could have listened to more ? Yes , did some people try to tell you that you grew up in some challenges that you need to ?

Guess what , now you get to read more books . Okay , you wish that you had gone to therapy earlier . 100% , I wish that . Then , oh , stick with therapy . There was a part of me that was like should I go monthly ? I feel good . It's like , no , you know what I mean . It's like let's take the one thing Work so well , we stopped doing it .

From these two frames One what do you regret that you think you made poor choices and you have a chance now you can change that . Now your future can be brighter because of the regrets of your past , if you face the regrets and make a change .

And then the second piece is to Kevin's point what did you make a choice and then feel regret and then go back on it when in reality you just needed courage to kind of power through ?

There are certain things that I purchased that I didn't need and it's like I didn't really do I really need that Definitely more . In the past I don't really . I tend not to do that . Now . I try to just get what I . You know I need some workout shirts . All right , cool , I'll get that , or whatever it is .

But I know , on the other end , when I used to go out and I would buy people shots at the bar , I always regretted that I woke up the next day and I always regretted that First thing I would do is I would wake up and I would look at my credit card statement and say , oh my 400 bucks , you idiot .

went to Toby Keith's . I love this bar , a patriot place , and we were with . We ran into people that I hadn't seen in years . I don't remember much , but I bought everybody around .

future self and the current self . The current self liked the significance . The future self was like yo , yeah , no , you're gonna . You're not gonna be happy about this , sir . Yeah because a 400 , what 400 ? Bucks . And you know , as a forklift operator , I don't know how long it takes you to make that back , but Well , that was my car payment .

I'm trying to help someone have a good time , I'm trying to help someone out , I'm trying to give , but one of those is not in a lined way compared to the other . So just knowing that about yourself , I think that allows you to live a more aligned life .

And then the last thing and this would be my next level nugget would be what we started this episode with . I think for most of us , regret is a realization that something is changing or something has changed , or questioning something . But that realization is not always that you made the wrong decision .

I don't know what percentage it is for you , it's probably different for everybody , but I'm willing to bet that a lot of us , the regrets we have . There's just as many regrets when we wish we said yes as there are when we wish we said no .

And , to Kev's point , it doesn't always mean you made the wrong decision . Maybe it's something you got to push through . But I think regret and fulfillment are the best teachers . I think a lot of people deny themselves of the ability to make better and better and better and better and better choices because they don't want to feel the pain of regret .

And for me , every single hangover I regretted it was so bad . I remember sometimes I was like not again , like you do this every other week and you , every time you regret it . So when are you going to learn ? And that's my honest inner dialogue . Your future self is trying to tap you on the shoulder and say can you please just learn this lesson ?

Can you please just listen to me for a minute ? And after 26 , after I got in that car accident , I really started listening . I started listening and go . You're supposed to . My future self is telling me . It's saying Alan , you got to quit drinking .

You got to , no matter what your friends think , no matter what your family thinks , no matter if anyone else thinks you have a drinking problem . I don't even think that many people knew that .

I don't think anyone knew I had a drinking problem or even thought I did , and there's definitely some people I spent time with who had a way bigger drinking problem than I did . But it doesn't matter . My future self was saying Alan , you're

supposed to stop this and you know it . And when I did , I was fulfilled , so fulfilled in fact , I went and partied no , I'm kidding , but I was fulfilled . And then I would regret it every time I drank again . So fulfillment and regret , that's the next level . Now get best teachers . Just make sure you listen to those two .

Listen to what fulfills you , listen to what you regret . And there's something to learn every single time , every single time Next level nation .

As always , we would love to have you there , but it's just a great place where you can be you , and I know being you , being myself , alan being himself some days it feels really , really hard , but that's exactly why having the right community around you is so important .

So the idea is break your dreams down into yearly goals , down into quarterly milestones , down into daily inch pebbles , which is your daily habits .

This morning I've been using it every single day since I got it Top three gratitudes , top three most important tasks , most important win for the day , most important improvement for the day , and then your next level nugget . You can write that there . And then you did . You check off your habits and so it's got notes sections .

It's really simple and we made it so that it's easy to do . It's not one of those journals that takes you with 30 minutes to do .

It takes me 15 minutes , maybe 10 minutes each morning , and it's designed so you can be consistent , because I know a lot of people like me have bought journals in the past , started journaling for a week and then it sits on a shelf . And so the next level Dreamliner the link will be in the show notes to order it .

I highly recommend the soft cover version paperback because it's only you'll get it in like two to three days , but the hard cover if you really want to wait , it's a three week lead time . Currently I have the hard cover one and I have the paperback . Both are great . Check that out . Look at that next level university logo right on the back yeah .

Dreamliner , and if you type in next level Dreamliner on Amazon , we will be the fifth one down after several planes . Well , head on over .

As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we run a fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .