#1564 - Sometimes, Going Backwards Isn't Actually Going Backwards

I was talking to somebody yesterday , alan , and this person has gone through it . They've gone through a lot in 2023 and in 2022 . It's been a trying time for them and I said it's really hard to Give advice when you're going through it , because , number one , there isn't really anything right for me to say .

Sometimes you ever get messages from people and you just think to yourself . I don't really know what to say . I can , I can give you some positivity and some inspiration , but it just seems like you're going through it and you're probably just gonna have to keep going through it , unfortunately .

But what I said to this person was Sometimes you going backwards For what might seem like a year is actually you going forward , but it's only you going forward if you keep going and then you have the perspective in a few years . It's a very challenging thing to deal with and give advice on , but it reminded me of a story that I went through years ago .

That is this in a nutshell . At the time it seemed like the worst outcome , but in retrospect it was actually one of the best things that has ever happened to me .

So , for those who don't know , I worked in an industry called weatherization . Nobody's heard of weatherization , at least most people haven't . All it means is it was our job to make buildings more energy efficient . So we go into schools and we would make them more energy efficient , and it required a ton of travel .

I made good money doing it , but I spent weeks and months on the road Living in sketchy hotels , driving six , eight , twelve , sixteen hours to job sites . It was just brutal .

So the year I made the most money I had ever made with the company was the year that I was willing to grind my face off because I thought money was gonna create happiness for me , didn't end up doing it . So the next year , the year after I made the most money I never made , there was a job opening within the company , and it was an office job .

Yeah , remember this , it was an office job that required a little bit of travel . You might have to drive down to New Jersey for one day and then drive home .

I just wanted to be home at the end of the night and even if I was traveling one day a week , two days a week , I was okay with that because at least I'd be home more . So I apply for the job within the company and I'm thinking I'm a shoot-in . I have more seniority than anybody else who's applying . This is gonna be fine .

I go in for an interview and I feel like the interview goes really well . It's with my project manager at the time and I get a call , whatever it was . I actually stopped smoking weed because I was afraid I was gonna get drug tested and I didn't wanna lose my immunity .

I go into the office , they sit me down and they're like , yeah , we called you in here today just to let you know that you didn't get the job . And first of all I was like you couldn't . I mean you could just tell me that over the phone . You know what I mean .

They actually called you to drive in there , yeah , and it was an hour away and it was an hour , at least an hour and a half with traffic . So this was like a three hour .

If this was my last ditch effort to stay at this company , I'm not gonna be able to last here much longer and I think this was before my suicidal ideation . It was Because it was earlier in the year and it was one of the things that this was like the last ditch effort . If I can get this job , I'll stay at this company and everything will be fine .

I'll be making money . It won't be as good of money , but I'll have so much certainty and I'll be able to podcast . I know I'll be home every night so I can podcast when I get home . Awesome , didn't get the job . In retrospect , at the time it was the worst thing ever .

I remember it was like the light at the end of the tunnel , even though it was such a drastic lifestyle change . It was the light at the end of the tunnel Didn't get it . In retrospect , if I got that job I might have never done , I might have never left . It put me in so much discomfort , the fact that I didn't get that job .

It created so much necessity .

It pushed me so far to hell . No , I'm not gonna stay here anymore . Yeah , I went through some stuff , can you ?

So the very first episode of Conversations Changed Lives , which was the podcast I had prior to teaming up with Kev YouTube channel . I found that episode .

And then I found the second time you interviewed me and that was up in your apartment in New Hampshire and I reviewed a little bit with Kev but behind the scenes , a little bit of those episodes and it is unbelievable the growth . It's wild . And so if you're out there listening , it's Wonverton 905 says you'll be very strong with some applications .

Do yourself a favor and go back . Do

yourself a favor and go look . Go look at you a year ago , five years ago , 10 years ago , 15 years ago . You owe it to yourself to see the growth , because on the day to day the growth is sometimes invisible , but over the long term it is wild . I mean , the episodes were just nothing compared to what they are now and sometimes it's hard to see that .

So a little side tangent . But , kev , back in the day Hyperconcious Podcast we used to talk about you have to get to hell , yes , before you'll ever get to hell . No , you have to get to hell , no , before you'll ever get to hell . Yes , can you explain that concept ?

The further you go to hell , no , the more willing you are to go all in on hell , yes , and you used the Monday at work . So let's say , hypothetically , you go into work on Monday and you have the worst day you've ever had . It's just brutal . Your curse on your boss , your curse on the people you're working with , your curse on the customers .

Whatever it is , if you don't quit your job Monday , you're going to wake up and you're going to go in Tuesday and Tuesday might be a little bit better . And then you'll go in Wednesday and Wednesday's hump day . You're already halfway there . You go in Thursday , thursday's Friday Eve . So we just got to get through today and tomorrow . You go in Friday .

It's Friday , you don't even care , it's Friday . And then Saturday and Sunday come around and you're back to uncomfortable ,

but not uncomfortable enough to quit , and that's kind of you swinging just in between the pain pleasure pendulum . There's just not a lot of pain but there's not a lot of pleasure . I think that's what would have happened if I got that job . It would have sucked , but compared to what I was doing before , it wouldn't have sucked that much .

At one point we decided and we went all in on an episode a week . When was that ? Because I know that we did an episode a week for a while , like you were doing an episode a week kind of sporadically . Then you and I started working together and then we did one every week , but then there was a couple that we missed or something .

And then there was a moment in time when you were like you and I decided like we're gonna do an episode a week , we're going all in on this , this is it , and we just never missed after that .

This is December of 2017 . And you and I were at your kitchen table with the Christmas tree in the background . I think 19 was the first official hyper conscious podcast . meets , conversations , change lives podcast yeah , and after that , I think we did a week every week for coming up on our seventh year .

And I remember saying I don't remember the exact thing I said , but I'm sure it was like what did he say when you told him they made you drive ? He was probably very angry , of course .

He was just not a nice man . He nobody liked him at the gas station . And there was this time where I was having him pull up and I told him to stop and Then I walked away and he kept pulling up and he slammed into the car in front of him and Then he tried to like fight me .

This he was a geriatric individual and he wanted to throw hands with the kid . I Walked away and told you to stop . This is on you . This isn't a me issue , this is a you issue . You're the driver .

You've been driving longer than I've been alive . You need to figure it out . You need to figure it out .

I have one example where I got cheated on in high school and that ended up being a really good thing Because I moved on very quickly from that . That was like enough pain . Again . There's the pain pleasure pendulum again , when the pain is great enough . I remember I told a friend that that you know my girlfriend had cheated on me .

He's like , dude , you wanted out of that anyway . And I was like , yeah , that's kind of true . Yeah , but these things that are super painful and this is the last thing that I'll share in this episode Whether you call it discomfort or pain is up to you , but I want you to check in with what your relationship with pain is .

If you have a negative relationship with pain or Discomfort , you're gonna have a really hard time succeeding

. And and this is universal I don't , I don't . I can't think of a single person who is holistically successful like without any pain and discomfort . I don't even think it's real , I don't think it's possible , whether it's getting a better business or a better body or a better relationship .

I've had really uncomfortable conversations with Emilia that were really , really , really powerful and in hindsight you can look back and go luckily we had that conversation and we can laugh at it now . We just the other night we talked about a conversation early in our relationship and it's like funny now , but at the time it was so bad .

It was like , oh my heart . And so Check in with your relationship with pain , because if you never get to hell , no , you're not gonna , you're not gonna swing the other way . And this goes for success and failure too . If you never risk failing , you're not

gonna get successful . I mean , we've done many , many , many live in-person events and we've never actually exceeded our goal at filling the room , but we've always gotten a ton of people to events . We've done a bunch of events . It's you know what I mean . It's really important to be willing to fail . It's the same analogy .

As you know , you swing at the baseball and you strike out . You know in baseball you strike out what ? 70% of the time , even if you're really good , you get something like that .

What is your relationship with discomfort , what is your relationship with failure and these things that you think are huge failures , whether it's me getting broken up with or cheated on , or it's Kevin , you know , not getting that job , driving three hours , to be told , hey , you were probably dressed up too , were you nice , dressed nice ?

and I remember we were gonna record a podcast episode . It was coming home from the gym and you were actually out in my yard on the phone for like quite some time and I was like I think it was my mom who came out or something . She's like what's he doing ? And I said he's quitting his job . I think he's quitting his job .

And I remember at the time I think she was concerned .

You know that's sometimes people aren't gonna support the risks that you take and then later in life , assuming you stick with it , you know they'll celebrate you and they'll say they supported you when in reality you'll look back and go listen you thought I was crazy , but that was an interesting story too of not long after that you essentially quit your job .

Slash , got let go .

Then I'm not gonna stay here if I'm not getting paid , I'm just gonna stay in this hotel room because we can't go work . You guys should pay us . This is bullshit . And they were like no , we're not gonna pay you guys .

He said I'll come down to you . All right , cool free lunch . I'm in . During this lunch I pretty much told him I was like this isn't my forever , I'm not gonna do this forever , and there's a lot of stuff that people are frustrated with . And here it is . That was a breaking point . He didn't like the fact that I was kind of out at that point .

What happened was Alan and I were supposed to go either record a podcast episode or work out with Catherine Nash and if you don't know Catherine Nash mini but mighty on social media , a friend of ours . She's been on the podcast . We've spoken on stage with her . We had a schedule for work that week . We were supposed to work first shift Seven to three .

I'd be home at four . I'd be home at three 30 probably because it was local . Fine , I found out we were supposed to work second shift through the people at the building . Nobody else in my company knew . I called my project manager and said hey , just so you know , they're moving us to second shift . I can't do it .

I've already told you I can only work first shift . This week they ended up saying I need you to work second shift and I said I am not working second shift .

But all things considered it was relatively amicable . They said they'd give me recommendations for other companies . They said we'll give you referrals . It was like all right , cool it just . But even in retrospect that conversation , I was terrified . I remember the day that I realized I didn't have a job . I was so scared .

I had All the junk that came with it too , because I wouldn't be me if I didn't have it , but there were a lot of times where going backwards actually wasn't going backwards . It was actually creating opportunities for the future that I didn't realize . I was gonna have opportunities to take advantage of eventually , and that's the ultimate goal in today's episode .

You have a meeting in three minutes , so I wanna get us out of here on time . You have a quick next level nugget .

you do with it and hopefully it drives you . So when , kev , let's say you got fired or let go or treated poorly , hopefully it drives you to be better . I think that it can drive you and I think it needs to drive you , because your bigger , better , brighter future is on the other side of taking that pain and turning it into power .

You Ghosting me would've been better , yeah , just don't have me come in and get all dressed up and get my hopes up Tomorrow for episode number 1,565 , one reason many relationships burn out . Tara and I had a really good conversation . She actually suggested this episode , so we are gonna do that tomorrow for episode number 1,565 .

As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we do it on a fans . We have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .