#1514 - Don't Kid Yourself About What You Care About

I have not done nearly as many Coaching sessions as you and I haven't done nearly as many Peak performance will just say self-improvement coaching calls as you , because now the majority of my coaching calls are about podcasting .

But there have been three Conversations , three key conversations that I have had with clients over the last seven years that really stick out as applicable Tough word for what we were talking about today . The through line of all those conversations were hey , I know when we started working together , you mentioned that you wanted this result .

Do you also Value the things that come with that ? Now , I know we talk about that often , but let me clarify . Somebody wanted to have some sort of medical practice and I said well , one of the things you value is time , freedom and Movement freedom . You want to be able to go different places . You want to be able to travel .

You don't necessarily want to be stuck to a place You're gonna have to go to school for many years if you want to get into this medical practice . Knowing that now , with a higher level of awareness , do you still want the result ? Do you still care about that at the level that you thought ? And this person said no , they completely pivoted their life .

After that , I had another conversation a couple years ago with somebody . Same kind of thing . I really want this result .

Okay , cool , just a heads up based on my awareness , which isn't 10 out of 10 high , but it's higher than yours at this given moment You're gonna have to give up a lot of what you care about in the Intram of getting what you think you care about eventually . Are you willing to do that ?

Are you willing to give up Maybe some of the things you care about when it comes to family , some of the things that you care about when it comes to certainty , in order to get this result that you think you want ? Same answer I honestly know , with that new level of awareness , I'm gonna do something different .

Okay , awesome , that's kind of what we're talking about today . If you don't really care about something , or In order to care about one thing , it Connects or affects things that you really care about in other ways . It's gonna be really hard to accomplish that . So if you don't care about Podcasting , you're not gonna do a podcast . It just wouldn't make sense .

If you don't care about Reading or getting better , you're probably not gonna have a lot of books . You're not gonna have the necessity to to learn . That's what we're talking about today . Don't kid yourself about what you care about .

and I didn't intend on this , because this is a topic that Kevin and I masterminded about and it was a conversation that I had with a client last week but I think a lot of people Love the idea of something more than they love the actual thing , and I think it brings , it gets us in trouble .

Like , do you like the idea of being a doctor more than the actual process of becoming a doctor ? That kind of thing ? And again , that's just a I just chose doctor , but it could be lawyer , it could be business owner or whatever . A lot of people love the idea of being a business owner .

When I decided I wanted to be a business owner and I left corporate , I think I had a very strong understanding of what that would mean and what that would be in Hindsight . I don't think that you had as much clarity what On YouTube right now .

.

I love the idea of being a business owner more than actually being a business owner , or I love the idea of being a doctor more than actually being a doctor , or I love the idea of being a podcaster more than actually being a podcaster . So think of that when he's talking .

So my question for you , kev , is what did you what was the idea of a business owner Like ? Articulate what you honestly thought it was prior to actually being one ? I had .

That's really why I started , so I- .

Okay , that's a cool layer to understand . I'm gonna be able to do my own thing , yeah , okay , here's the other thing . Right before I ended up leaving my job , you and I started spending a lot more time together .

So I remember you and I would , on days that I didn't have to work , you and I would get up at like six o'clock in the morning and go to the gym and then we would hang out and I was like , if I could do this , if this is what being a business owner would be like I'm in , this is awesome , but I didn't . That was it .

It's like , yeah , this would be pretty cool , but that was my awareness very low , all right .

There's a lot of I mean , it's real . It's the realest thing in the world when you gotta figure out how to get a client to pay the bills , or at this point I believe we have a 20-person team and that's the whole . Leadership is a challenge and trying to figure out how to communicate effectively and , yes , it's hard , it's very , very , very , very challenging .

It's probably worse than you think , it's probably better than you think , and it's also probably worse than you think , better than you think , from the perspective of , but no matter what it's different than you think it's gotta be . Different than you think it has to be different than you think .

Better than you think from the perspective of , or better than I thought not you , whether you're watching or listening Better for me . For me from the perspective of if I don't get a good night's sleep , I can sleep until 10 am , because my first call is not until 11 . Awesome , great Worse .

Sometimes we get a bunch of new clients at once and I'm up at 5 am on a Sunday doing work to make sure everything goes smoothly . But you can't really know either of those in the beginning , and then it becomes a conversation of well , even deeper , would you rather ? Do you care more about sleeping in on Sunday or having your own thing ?

I would rather get up every Sunday at 5 am for the rest of my life than go back to my old job . I'm okay with that . I actually am excited to do that most of the time , not all the time . Sometimes I don't wanna do that . So yeah , I don't know if I answered the question . I just kinda started rambling .

Habit , tracking metrics , meaningful moves , that kind of thing , big on numbers , and we do these progress reports and every other week I crunch his numbers and I see , okay , you're crushing , awesome , he's crushing it . But there's one metric , one or two typically , where it's like , ooh , you're not exactly winning in that arena , and that's not uncommon .

Very few people can win in every arena . Every time it's just not real , honestly , yeah , even me . No , no , not real . So health , wealth and love typically two of them are doing well and one of them is lagging and or dying slowly . In this case , fitness was dying . So he had lost a ton of weight .

He's been coaching me for years and I think he's I don't know 20 pounds down over the last couple years and now it's going back up . You can see the trend , you can see the graph and it's like down , down , down , down , down down . And then it's like , oh , interesting ,

this one's picking back up . And so I had this really honest conversation with him . I said you're crushing it in everything . You're crushing tracking . This is awesome . This is the best you've ever been . And I always ask these questions at the beginning of calls True , false , semi-true . You are the most fulfilled you've ever been . True .

You are the most productive you've ever been . True . You are the strongest leader you've ever been . True . You're the most holistically well-developed you've ever been . True . You are the most dialed in in fitness you've ever been . Ooh , like semi-true , right , and I already knew the answer . That's why I'm asking the question .

But now you're aware , and I had this honest conversation . I said listen , when you're out at a barbecue or you're at a Halloween party , or you're with your family , or you're with friends or you're with colleagues , does it bother you ? Is fitness eating away at you ? He's like no , not really .

I said okay , I'm not trying to compare , but I do think there's a lesson in this . When I'm not dialed in in fitness , it bothers me to my core . It bothers me so much . I mean , if I go three days without weight training , it is just eating me alive . Now here's the truth . My fitness is such a core value I mean I talk about being a prepubescent .

High school didn't hit puberty . All the athletes got all the love and attention . I felt super insignificant . Math , nerd , math and science I just love being fit . It's my favorite thing in the world . It's so important to me . It's 10 out of 10 important to me . I'm a lesser man when I'm not fulfilled in fitness .

Even my relationship suffers when I'm not dialed in in fitness . And he's like I said zero to 10 , how much do you care about being in extraordinary shape ? He's like I said and be honest , I don't want the idea of it , I want the truth . Like probably a seven . And I knew in that moment I'm like why are we even tracking this ? You're fine .

It's not like you're out of shape . Now I'm not saying not to get better , I'm saying don't be afraid to coast in there . I said now let's talk finance . He's like dude , 12 out of 10 . I said , listen , I already knew that I'm your coach . I'm supposed to know what you value .

Let's dial that in and let's get rid of some of this stuff I don't need you doing sleep , hydration , nutrition , training , mobility , breath , work , supplementation . You don't need to dial in like a professional athlete . I do , because I'm deeply unfulfilled when I don't . And so , for the listeners , there's a lesson here . What are your core values ?

Are you honoring those core values ? Because if you're not , you're most likely unfulfilled . And what happens is we fall in love with these ideas , these other things . Well , I would really love to be a fitness model . I would really love to be a bodybuilder .

I would really love to , but you don't really know what that means and you're certainly not willing to sacrifice as much as it's going to take to get there . So it's just it's CPU leakage . It's like when you have too many tabs open on Chrome or Firefox or Internet Explorer .

It's just taking consciousness and effort away and you're just constantly it's hitting your self-esteem . You're not on point . You're tracking something you shouldn't be tracking . We can achieve within

reason almost anything we want in life , but not everything all at once . And if you can just understand that and dial in on your 10s out of 10 when it comes to your core values and make sure you're honoring those first , I think you're going to be much more fulfilled , even if we were just to think of it .

And I always say be very careful when you say that , because you're most likely not going to create something you don't care about . If you don't care about money , I'm willing to bet you're probably not going to have an influx of money or an abundance of money .

If you don't care about love , I wouldn't bet on you having an amazing , fulfilling relationship that maybe you deserve . Or if you don't care about fitness , you're most likely not going to get to the place where I don't know I won't say that , but maybe you won't . Maybe you won't get to the place where you feel super comfortable in a bathing suit .

I can't guarantee you will , because either you change your perception or you change your behavior . If you change your perception , it's just honestly , I don't really care that much about money . Okay , maybe you don't , or you've convinced yourself . Honestly , I don't really care that much about money , when in reality .

Maybe you have belief that you can't earn more money , or maybe you have a money block , or you have a negative relationship where first you say you don't care about it and then you say but honestly , I think I probably care about it more than I'm giving myself credit for I need to change my behavior .

But what if you care about something that requires money , like your husband or your wife or your aunt or your uncle or your parents or your whatever ? Okay , I'll give you an example . I have one client who wants to take care of his parents as they get older . You might not care about money , but you care about that , and that's going to cost $200,000 .

And so you kind of have to understand yourself at these layers , and it's tough on a podcast to go this deep . But you might say , well , I don't have a core value of money , that's fine , but what are your core values and what kind of money are you going to need to honor those ?

So , for example , amelia and I , when we have children , we've talked about how we need to put ourselves in a financial position where we can actually be available to them , because it costs a lot of money for daycare . It costs a lot of money for a night nurse .

It costs a lot of money to have a housekeeper so that we can spend quality time with our kids instead of these other things , and that's something we're grateful for , and we're earning that now in advance .

And so , if nothing else , my next level nugget is dial in your core values and try to get really clear on them , and then the second layer would be what is going to be required of you in order to honor those .

Is it a pain in the butt when there's business stuff going on ? Yeah , of course . But I went to New Jersey and Connecticut recently , which is not a ton of travel , but it was like a five-hour ride and I enjoyed it . I love checking into the Airbnb . I loved being away .

I enjoy traveling , but for a long time I would have told you that I didn't care about it when in reality , it was the uncertainty around traveling or the trauma I had around traveling in the past , or planes and airports , yeah .

So sometimes what we care about is hidden under the fears and insecurities and limiting beliefs that we haven't faced yet , and that's just another reason that self-improvement and personal development and self-awareness are so

important .

The person who cared about movement and freedom wanted to be what was it ? North Adontist or Adentist or something ? Yeah , and what were the other ones you have ? materials , possessions and then mission slash purpose Okay , Materials , of course , I forget the materials .

them with my clients what's your order of importance ? And they put mating slash romance last . Later on , I coached this person for years . We found out that that's the one she's actually most fearful of . She's the most uncertain and fearful of that one . It's actually number one . And as she evolved she eventually realized that .

And so a lot of times what happens is we think we don't care about money , or we think we don't care about fitness , when in reality we're just fearful and uncertain about it . So that's just another layer to remember when you're dialing in core values .

And I said I don't think so , man , and then he pulled the numbers back and said I have to do it that way , so from now on , no he didn't , if you were to draw it out zero to one . One to two , two to three , three to four , four to five , five to six , six to seven , seven to eight , eight to nine , nine to 10 . That's 10 .

So I guess you're right on this .

For most of this , we are very , very scarce , and I used to do that . For certainty , too , we would talk about maybe we'll talk more about the basic human needs . Tony Robbins did a TED talk on it , but one of them was certainty . I'm very certainty driven . When certainty is low , I am struggling . So maybe same idea for you .

If what you care about is the thing you have the least of , you might not have much motivation because you might feel stuck . So I figured I would add that Next Salvation If you haven't joined Next Salvation yet , please do .

A wonderful group of humans who are into self-improvement , into growth , into overcoming the ego , into having cool conversations like this that is really what we get to do for a living . We get to have cool conversations , and obviously our Facebook group is the same way . So if you are looking for cool people to have cool conversations with .

Get to the next level with . Grow with , evolve with . Please join our Facebook group . Link will be in the show notes below .

Photography there's gonna be a backdrop . It's quite awesome . We did it last year and it was just awesome . It's quickly becoming one of my favorite days of the year because I get to play basketball all day . It's awesome . So we have a GoFundMe . That is not done yet , but it is coming soon , so keep an eye out for that . Kevin and I will be matching $500 .

So the community what we're asking , our goal is $500 total from the community for this event and we're gonna be matching that . So it's gonna be a thousand total , okay , and so that will be coming down the pipe . Please keep a sharp eye . I do not have a link for you yet , but it will be soon .

I don't know if I said that . This year I'm sure we'll probably do much of the same . So that is where all the money will go , and to our amazing photographer as well . Yes , yes .

Life is a juggling act because right now I'm juggling , speaking on these microphones , with all the rest of the things going on in life . So that's what we're gonna talk about tomorrow . As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we learn if fans , we have family . We will talk to you all tomorrow .