#1429 - We Really Wish We Stopped Spending Time With THESE People Sooner

Today , for episode number 1429 , we really wish we stopped spending time with these people sooner . I had something happen one time , alan , where it made me question why and whether or not I would continue to be friends with someone , and it's not the story I've told many times .

There was someone in my life who was into hunting and they went out and they were hunting and they shot a deer and they posted a picture of this deer on Instagram and they put the hashtag vegan and One of our mutual friends actually , who was , is I don't know if they still are , but they were a vegan at the time Comment and said hey , that was kind of a

dick move and he wasn't very kind to this person . It was . It was very strange for me because it didn't seem like something this person would do . It didn't seem like this person Was that negative or that toxic it . It was quite a surprise to me , honestly . But after that happened and I started to look back .

I remember seeing other signs of what we're gonna talk about today and it started to make sense to me , and then I noticed more of that behavior and more of that behavior , and more of that behavior . But what we're talking about today is arrogance and entitlement .

Being around somebody who is arrogant , being around people who are entitled there aren't Many , if any , benefits of it , honestly , especially if you're somebody who is very humble or , going back to our previous episode , excuse me , a 1427 are you a turtle or a puffer fish ?

If you're a turtle Around puffer fishes or around people who are arrogant or entitled , it's gonna mess up the relationships . What can I help you with , sir ? Whenever I smile , kevin always interrupts the episode and asks what he can , because I know something's going on in that , in that brain , ears , yeah puffer fishes . Fish is is already .

And then when I looked back , this person and I used to have physical altercations because I remember thinking he's kind of a dick sometimes . Sometimes you say some stuff that it's just not very kind . I never connected the fact that that was arrogant behavior .

Now , full disclosure the definition of arrogance versus what we think arrogance is versus what you think arrogance is might be different . The definition of entitlement versus what we think versus what you think . This is gonna be an open conversation when there's gonna be a lot of contemplation . But if you can ask yourself ,

are there any people who I would put into the arrogant and or entitled bucket ? How do I respond when I'm spending time with them ? Why are they still in my life ? Is it positive that they're in my life ? That's really the goal of this episode is just to have an open conversation around those two things , and the reason why is in retrospect .

I wish I spent less time with people like that . You wish you spent less time with people like that .

What is , yes , arrogant and entitled , our our toxic and very simple analogy here if you , if you are a plant in toxic soil , with toxic water and and toxic rain and and no sunshine , no matter how amazing you are , you're going to slowly decay .

I Used to believe in myself so much that I believed I could not only achieve my dreams , but I believed that I could bring a lot of other people with me , and I think to some extent , that's obviously true . Our company is built on the idea that we can bring people with us toward our dreams .

Together , we can all grow , we can all achieve , we can all be better , and I do believe that that's a superpower . But it came with this kryptonite and it came with this weakness . This weakness was me allowing myself to tolerate being super disrespected by people who are arrogant , entitled and toxic .

And it wasn't until Kevin came into my life , or Emilia came into my life , and they started observing the way I was treated by other people and they were like , hey , that's like really toxic , that's really arrogant , that's really I can't believe you . Let them treat you that way .

And then I started to say , oh okay , cause that was kind of normal being around arrogant , entitled people . In hindsight I am gonna share this . I have been around a lot of arrogant , entitled people in my life and that has been single-handedly the biggest mistake of my life . I'm not even just , I'm not even kidding .

That's been the most the single-handed , biggest mistake I've ever made is me unconsciously , and then eventually consciously , choosing to continue to surround myself with arrogant , entitled people .

In hindsight , when I shifted from corporate America into podcasting and I started a podcast called Conversations Changed Lives and I started getting into fitness and I started chasing my dreams and I started doing fitness competitions and fitness coaching and fitness modeling , I had a lot of people make a lot of fun of me . They made a lot of fun of me .

They talked behind my back . They thought I was an idiot . Why would you ever quit a job making that much money ? I would never do that and in hindsight it really is fascinating because those are very arrogant , entitled things . I would say they're toxic things . In hindsight , from this frame , kevin and I are very , very successful .

We've built a quarter million dollar per year business and growing . It's a quickly , exponentially globally growing business . We're very successful . Kevin and these people were very , very arrogant in oh he's such an idiot . I can't believe he did that . I would never do that . It's very why not support me ? In hindsight it doesn't make any sense .

Why wouldn't you just want me to go succeed ? Why wouldn't you want us to ? We're trying to help people . I remember thinking to myself like I'm like talking to kids for free at the Boys and Girls Club to try to help them create prosperity in their lives . Why are you hating on me so much ?

I have so much pain under this , and the truth of the matter is , is that part of it is my fault and here's why I allowed toxic people to be toxic toward me and I didn't stick up for myself . I should have said dude , shove it . You're a loser , get out of here . I'm gonna succeed way more than you . I never did that . I never said that .

I never was like dude , what makes you think that I'm gonna fail ? What makes you think on what planet ? What makes you think that you know better than I do ? Why ? Where do you get off ? On what planet ? Do you know business better than I do ? I have an MBA . You've never succeeded in business in your entire life . You've never started a podcast .

You can see how frustrated I am with myself that I never stood up to these people . I never told them to shove it and in hindsight it was really toxic . I'm lucky that I made it through a lot of that dude , honestly , because there were times when I felt so alone and I felt so misunderstood and I felt so not believed in .

I'm surprised in some way I don't know even how I made it through a lot of that dude , honestly .

Remember and I don't say this to brag , but I think it's a really good example Alan and I were at a party and I was drinking and there was somebody there who was very arrogant he's been very arrogant to you in the past and he was picking on someone who's picking on your , who was your girlfriend at the time and I said I said hey , man , if you don't stop

, I'm gonna take you outside and beat the shit out of you . Like , what are you doing ? Why are you such an ass ? I was drunk , so I was very forward . Dude he's always been like that , but that was the last time he ever he doesn't . He won't talk to me like he talks to you . Now again that's a dangerous game too . How do you overcome arrogance ?

I don't know . I don't know what the answer is . I can't claim to know it because if I was sober I might not have said anything , because I wasn't that courageous . I wasn't that courageous . I said I was gonna tell you this

or say this story Today . As of recording this episode , I did a podcast pre-call earlier , and it's a podcast about business , and I did my research and I said , yeah , this seems this should be good . They have 38 episodes Cool , it's right up our alley . And I log into this podcast pre-call and there's the producer . So I'm talking to the producer of the show .

I'm not even talking to the host . I don't even know who the host is at this point and he said , hey , we're excited to have you . I just want to take you through this presentation so we can make sure this is a good fit . And I was like , okay , red flag's already going off . Just the energy around this the energy around .

We send you know , we'll send an email every week on the top tip from the week for the podcast . And he said do you do like any selling on it ? I said no , not really . No , we'll talk about group coaching every once in a while . And he said , why not ? And I said because that's not the way our business model set up Right there . It's like why not ?

You're not going to coach me ? No , no , no , that's not why I'm here . I don't even know who you are and very clearly , you don't know who I am either and also very clearly real talk .

But if you do want to , you can send us $100 and we'll run a Facebook ad and it'll help the episode . And also , if you could get three people to subscribe and share and then also connect us with people who come on the show and we'll make connections for you . That's a very entitled way to approach having a guest on .

So and here's how I know I'm doing you a bigger favor than you're doing me I know your show is not successful . I'm certain of it . I can tell by looking at it .

When we and this is now that could be considered arrogant the way I said it , but here's the thing I've dated a back it up when we had Evan Carmichael on in the beginning , it was how much time are you willing to give us ? 20 minutes ?

And I said we don't have guests and I don't know who you are . Why would we have you on our show ? I'm a podcaster , I'm an entrepreneur , I have 1400 episodes . That says I take this very seriously . That's why I'm coming on you . I'm way ahead of you . I'm way ahead of where you are .

In podcast land I get that very often where people say , well , I'd love to come on your show . You're missing the point . I don't ask Tom Brady and I'm not saying where Tom Brady , but I don't ask Tom Brady to play catch with me . I understand he has other people that he can go play catch with .

It's entitled not to do the research before you talk to someone because that makes you look bad . I did another podcast today and this person was sweet . It's not a negative thing , but we're going through kind of the pre-flight checklist . And she said I just want to make sure all of your notifications are off and you have water and all that .

And I didn't say anything . I'm not going to say anything . And when she said tell me about your business , I said we have 1400 episodes . And she said wow , I feel like an idiot because here I am talking to somebody who's 100 times further than I am and I'm telling them the pre-flight checklist . And I said honestly no , I'm all for it .

I want to hear what your pre- . It would be arrogant of me to say you don't have to tell me any of these things . I know everything .

It turns me off immediately and I do not want to spend any time with you , regardless of how much it might be detrimental .

. I have the entire audience close their eyes . If you're not driving , please close your eyes . I'm closing mine as well . You have one person . This person wants to see you win and you know they want to see you win . They put wind in your sails .

Sometimes they tell you hard truths that are challenging to hear , but you know deep down , intuitively , they want to see you win . They do . They want to see you flourish . They want to see you grow . They want to see you succeed . They believe in you .

And maybe this person on the surface maybe you don't even like them all that much , but you know deep down they really want to see you win . Okay , that's person one , person two and when I share this it should almost bother you Because you don't want to admit it

this second person they seem like they want you to win . They make it seem like they really want to see you succeed . On the surface , on the outside , they make it appear like they're supporting you , but you know deep down in your heart of hearts and in your soul and in your intuition that they don't want to see you win .

This is the type of person where you play a board game with them and they almost don't even care if they win . They just don't want you to win . This is a person who pretends to support you but you know deep down there deeply jealous of you , and you know they unconsciously do not want to see you win . This one will be hard to admit .

It's someone you're like damn damn , that is true . I don't have evidence , I don't have anything I could point to , but I know intuitively . They just don't want to see me flourish . They don't want to see me succeed beyond them . Now open your eyes and tell me which one of those people you spend more time with . Every time I do that .

It is such a huge awakening Because the person you're spending the most time with is most likely the person who is hoodwinking you to stay with them , and the other person who really does want to see you win isn't fighting for your time . They're not fighting for your time because they believe in themselves and because they're free . I'm not mad at Kevin .

When Kevin decides to do Kevin If it conflicts with the business , I'll say hey , man , we need this , this and this , but that's because I want to see him win and I know that I'm not the most likable person in the world and all that crap .

What I do also know is I want to see people win , I want to see people flourish , I want to believe in people and I want to see people win , and I always have . And you have people in your life that are toxic . You just haven't identified it because it sucks to look at . It does it sucks to look at .

You want to believe these people aren't toxic and even they want to believe they're not . But they are . And if you get away from them , believe it or not , that's when they'll start being humble . When you leave , they will be more humble . When you set boundaries , they will be more respectful .

This is my biggest mistake , hands down , and I'm not making that mistake anymore . Thanks to Kev , thanks to Emilia , I know how to reverse engineer finish lines and I know how to achieve goals and I know how to make habits , I know how to track habits and I know math and I know all this stuff . I was not good at this at all .

I had no idea what arrogance looked like . I had no idea what lack of humility looked like . I had no idea what entitlement looked like . I had no idea what toxic looked like .

Toxicity is real , it is in your life and you know intuitively that it is , but you keep gaslighting yourself and you keep convincing yourself that they're not toxic , when deep down you know they are and you have to break free . You have to punch the bully in the face and they'll stop bullying you because deep down they're just very weak .

That's actually why they're so toxic .

The second you say it's not going to be that way anymore , they might go somewhere else when they have control . Which will show you why they were that way the whole time . When I look at ads on social media ,

the thing that jumps off the page to me now is it creates entitlement . It's creating entitlement . It's saying you are entitled to more success than you have with less work . That's all it's doing . That's all it's doing . I had a podcast breakthrough session with someone and she said if I work with you , what kind of success can I expect ?

I said I love that question because I'm going to tell you the truth . It depends on how much work you put in . I have some clients who crush it . I have some clients who don't do much because they don't want to put any more work in . That's on you . That's totally up to you .

The level of work you put in is going to dictate the success you have not me , I can help you .

That's all it is . It's creating entitlement . It's creating false expectations . Unfortunately , Unfortunately , I know that's off the road of what we're talking about here today . That is the question that you asked , Alan . Who are you spending more time with ?

That is a very , very powerful question , because you might not even be able to be yourself around certain people if they're arrogant or entitled . You might be a different person completely .

One of the reasons I didn't like I think things would be a little bit different now but one of the reasons I didn't like spending time around arrogant people is because I couldn't stay centered . It was very hard for me to stay myself . Sometimes I would stoop to where they were and I didn't like that .

I feel dirty after and I'd regret it , but I didn't know how to fix it . I didn't know how to stop it . I didn't know how to stay . I'm better at it now . I'm checking , I'm shield bumping and I'm staying in alignment and saying , if I'm being honest , that's not for me , I'm not interested , but it's uncomfortable and it sucks .

But even on that call , that podcast pre-call , this person said no , I'm grateful you are telling me the truth , I'm all about authenticity . It's like all right , cool , that's good . We're more in alignment than we were before . I still don't think I want to do it , but we're more in alignment than we were before . I appreciate the honesty as well .

I'm going to define each real quick , because this is something I wish I knew so desperately . Arrogance is someone who thinks they are better than they really are . Entitlement is someone who thinks they're more important than they really are , thinks they deserve by default , thinks they shouldn't have to earn anything .

They are a certain color or a certain race or a certain pedigree or a certain came from a certain family . It's entitlement you think you deserve by default , without any work . You think you're better than other people . It's like a spoiled kid who gets whatever they want without any effort and then they walk around in life thinking that

they deserve things by default . In some ways that's not actually even the kid's fault . That would be the parent's fault . But at the end of the day it's our responsibility to identify where we're at and our community tends to be walked on . They tend to be bullied . It makes sense law of attraction .

Kevin and I have been walked on and bullied a lot me more than him . Quite frankly , I'm good at a lot of stuff . I've never been good at this . I'm getting better at this and it is . It's changing my life . It's changing my life .

So humility is an accurate understanding of your own value , an accurate understanding of your own importance , an accurate understanding of your own skills , an accurate understanding of your own abilities .

Humility is I'm a student and I'm also a teacher , and I know which is which and I know when to be which , and I'm not going to teach you about things that I suck at , kevin and I . I was on the phone earlier with the NLU team and we're creating something called the next level dreamliner .

This is going to be a planner that helps you break your dreams down into goals , down into milestones , down into tasks and habits , and it's going to be something that's amazing , that keeps you on track .

And I opened the meeting it was me , amy , jerry , ann and Lizzie and I said listen , this will never be sold through NLU if Kevin and I don't love it enough to use it every day . Kevin and I do not sell things that we do not do ourselves . We just don't .

If we're not using them ourselves , we won't talk about it , we won't do it , we're not full of it . We're not going to lead you to a place we haven't been or a place we're headed toward and that's leading by example and that's who we are . So we're not going to sell you some quick , fixed course that we've never done .

We've never made a million dollars in two days , so we're not going to sell you a course on how to do it yet We've yet .

Hmm , there seems to be a correlation between how magnificent my life gets and how far away from these people I get , and that has been my experience , that has been Kevin's experience . Set boundaries , sail away from toxic .

So you've always been better at this and you've definitely helped me in this . So much I appreciate it brother .

I don't know if you're going to send me a picture of someone and say , hey , is this person arrogant ? I don't know . I don't know what it will look like , but if you need help deciphering what it means , please , we're always just a message away . We're always just a message away .

If you are looking for more like-minded people , maybe you're in this moment realizing I am surrounded by a lot of people who are arrogant and entitled and I want to get around people who are humble and have big goals and big dreams and want to see me win . Your 12th round of group coaching is starting October 3rd , 6pm Eastern time .

Right now the website is updated . We have everything ready to go . I know a lot of people couldn't get into the group that is running now . If you missed out , please reach out for the promo code . We'll give it to you and get signed up so you do not make the same mistake you made before .

With the promo code , it ends up being less than $97 a month , a bargain , really , really , really affordable . That's why we have it set up that way , so you can afford it . We want to help .

Let's take all the best stuff and let's get rid of all the stuff that didn't land or wasn't clear or didn't help build momentum . We revamped the whole curriculum and so far , group 11 is on fire cranking .

The last thing I want to say is , whether it's group coaching or next level nation or anything at NLU , what we can promise you is that toxic people are on our radar . Now . We know what it's like when someone's trying to put others down or be disrespectful or be a bully . We've booted people from next level nation who were being toxic .

One time I did a live video where I was sharing a story and I was crying and someone was really toxic and Kevin booted them within 20 minutes .

Tomorrow for episode number 1,430 , three questions to ask yourself to get more clarity . One of the things we learned when we went to the speaking engagement that we were key noting at is clarity is a superpower and it's something that not a lot of people have . I wonder if people really know how to find it .

We are going to jam on that tomorrow for episode number 1,430 . As always , we love you , we appreciate you , grateful for each and every one of you , and at NLU we do not have fans , we have family .