Kevin Palmieri
(0:00) I had something happen to me on my golf trip that I was terrified that was going to happen. (0:06) It happened in real time. (0:08) I was like, oh my goodness, it is happening.(0:10) And I survived. (0:11) And here we are.
Alan Lazaros
(0:13) The way that you react to embarrassment, I've been embarrassed so many times in my life because I've just been taking shots. (0:21) The way you react to embarrassment is going to make or break a lot of your success.
Kevin Palmieri
(0:27) Welcome to Next Level University. (0:29) I'm your host, Kevin Palmieri. (0:31) And I'm your co-host, Alan Lazarus.(0:34) At NLU, we believe in a heart-driven but no BS approach to holistic self-improvement for dream chasers.
Alan Lazaros
(0:41) Our goal with every episode is to help you level up your life, love, health, and wealth.
Kevin Palmieri
(0:47) We bring you a new episode every single day on topics like confidence, self-belief, self-worth, self-awareness, relationships, boundaries, consistency, habits, and defining your own unique version of success.
Alan Lazaros
(1:03) Self-improvement in your pocket, every day, from anywhere, completely free.
Kevin Palmieri
(1:09) Welcome to Next Level University. (1:15) Next Level Nation today for episode number 2,130. (1:20) One thing you need to know about embarrassment.(1:23) Alan has not heard this story yet because I said, I want to tell it live on the podcast and we're going to do it. (1:28) All right. (1:28) So as you know, last week I was in Myrtle Beach for a bachelor party and it was a golf trip.(1:33) Okay. (1:34) Another episode about golfing. (1:36) Yeah, it's going to be, you're going to get a lot of those because that's what I got.(1:38) That's my experience. (1:40) So as I mentioned, the first day went really well. (1:43) I go into the pro shop, I get my rental clubs, super, super awesome people.(1:48) I'm like, this is going to be fine. (1:49) I got some blisters after the first day. (1:52) So the second day I go into the pro shop and I need to buy a glove.(2:00) I didn't see, I'm a fish out of water here. (2:02) I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. (2:04) So I pick up a pair of gloves.(2:06) Evidently they're meant for rain. (2:08) They're like rain gloves. (2:09) Whatever.(2:10) Good enough for me. (2:10) I don't care. (2:11) I'm not picky.(2:11) Don't worry about it. (2:12) So I go up to the counter and there's a different guy there that day and he's like, you sure you want rain gloves? (2:18) It's going to be a hundred degrees out today.(2:19) I said, yeah, it's not a problem. (2:21) I'll take them. (2:22) He says, we do have regular gloves if you need them.(2:24) And I said, I'll take the regular gloves. (2:26) Cool. (2:28) So he, he like looks at me funnily and then just really walks really slow to the back behind the desk to get the gloves.(2:37) He comes back and he's like, all right, try on this glove. (2:41) And I said, it fits. (2:43) I said, I need a, I need the other hand glove.(2:47) Because at this point, Matt had already given me, yeah, it's a shit show. (2:51) Matt had already given me the left hand because I'm a right-handed golfer. (2:55) You need the left hand.(2:56) I said, I need the other hand. (2:58) I said, why didn't you tell me you needed the other hand? (3:01) And I said, I don't know, you brought me this one.(3:03) He said, well, you have to tell me specifically that you are a lefty golfer. (3:07) And I said, dude, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. (3:12) I'm an idiot.(3:13) I need the other glove. (3:15) And he literally like looked at me dead in the eyes and just started laughing at me. (3:19) And he's like, well, today's going to be an interesting day, isn't it?(3:21) And I said, yes, for you and me, both. (3:23) And then he, he, he walked very slowly to the back to go get the other fucking glove. (3:28) And then when he came back, he was literally laughing at me.(3:31) Like, I'm not kidding. (3:32) He wasn't even trying to hide it. (3:33) He was just laughing at me.(3:36) Sir, I will pull you, I will pull you over the counter by your golf tee. (3:40) And I will beat the bag out of you, you son of a bitch.
Alan Lazaros
(3:45) And it was just like, you know, it was, he's like, our golf course is just a yuppie place, man. (3:51) This little bit. (3:52) I'm just saying, if you're a golfer and you're out there, I'm not trying to offend you.(3:55) I'm not a fan. (3:56) There's a little bit of the nose.
Kevin Palmieri
(3:57) This was my, this was my, this was my take. (4:02) So with the package we got, we got free lunch, free breakfast and free two beers. (4:07) It's like, this was like a really good deal.(4:09) We got it. (4:10) And I remember thinking, and again, if you're a golfer, I'm not trying to offend you, like Alan said, but you probably know somebody like this. (4:15) I remember thinking, I have never seen a larger group of below average people that are so fucking entitled.(4:24) I know it's brutal. (4:26) Everybody there is like, they think they're the, they're the bees knees.
Alan Lazaros
(4:30) Isn't it wild? (4:31) It was weird, brother. (4:32) I was, and again, I know, you know, I was a cart kid and I was a bus boy at a golf course when I was 16, 17 years old, 15, 15, 16, and 17.(4:44) And even before that, cause I used to have to get dropped off at work and I would wash clubs. (4:49) And if you wash clubs really well, you could get some really good tips. (4:52) But some of these people were just fucking assholes.(4:56) They just treated you like a piece of shit. (4:59) And I just, I'm not a fan. (5:01) Never been a big fan.(5:02) I actually, I'm not kidding. (5:03) I drove our Tesla into the garage. (5:06) It makes it sound like I drove it into the actual garage.(5:09) I opened the garage doors, drove into the garage and I can see her clubs across the way. (5:13) I said, why don't you sell those? (5:15) We're not going to fucking golf, right?(5:18) She's been golfing once since we met. (5:20) It's been six years, sweetheart. (5:21) Sell those things.(5:23) Uh, the reason why I just hate it. (5:24) She loves the nature. (5:25) The nature is nice.(5:26) The nature is not a fan though. (5:28) There's some, there's some level of, I think golf in some ways is just a giant dick measuring competition. (5:36) I would say that's fair.(5:37) It's who has the most money, who has the hottest wife. (5:39) It was a whole thing. (5:40) And again, I'm, I understand a lot of you might like golf.(5:44) I just, I'm not a fan. (5:45) I think there's a lot of, there's a lot of entitlement. (5:47) There's a lot of generational wealth and there's a lot of I'm middle-aged and overweight and miserable, but I'm going to pretend that I'm the bees knees.
Kevin Palmieri
(5:56) I enjoyed the golf itself. (5:58) Everybody on the club on the course was really nice. (6:01) It was just this one dude.(6:02) And I knew I was going to get one. (6:04) I knew there was going to be, there's always one. (6:06) So I check out, I get my glove, my other glove.(6:10) And then I went out and I told Matt, I was like that dude in there fucking hated me. (6:14) He's like, what happened? (6:15) And I was like, just, it was about as bad as it could be.(6:19) And here's my thesis. (6:20) Here's my thesis. (6:21) I had a very quick thought of like, dude, I, I don't know what I'm doing, but I, I, I will pull you over this counter and I'll put your, I'll put your head up your shirt up over your head and I'll give you a couple Hadoukens.(6:34) No, you know, it's one of those things where like, I expected something like that to happen at some point.
Alan Lazaros
(6:39) You've been judged your whole life, man. (6:40) One of these days, I just hope Kevin loses it and just beats the bag out of somebody.
Kevin Palmieri
(6:46) Dude, talk about just feeling like a fish out of water. (6:49) I mean, there's a, it wasn't, there wasn't a ton of insecurity, but like, I don't know anything. (6:53) I don't know golf.(6:54) I don't know what this does. (6:56) I don't know what this is. (6:57) I don't know the...(6:58) What are you writing for the gloves? (7:00) Quick 35? (7:01) No, it was like 17.(7:02) Okay. (7:03) Not too bad. (7:03) It was one glove though.(7:04) Yeah. (7:06) 17 for one glove. (7:07) What are we doing here?(7:09) Here was my thesis. (7:10) That was my thesis. (7:11) And this is the point of the episode.(7:12) I know we don't have a ton of time to do the pricing in the pro shop. (7:14) Let me give the fucking lesson. (7:17) No, no, no, no.(7:18) Cause it's funny. (7:19) Let me give the lesson.
Alan Lazaros
(7:20) Pricing in the pro shop, huge markup.
Kevin Palmieri
(7:21) Be careful. (7:22) Of course. (7:22) Of course.(7:23) Well, and that's the other thing too, is like, if I wanted to buy clubs, like 500 bucks minimum, I'm like, what are we, what, what? (7:30) 500 bucks is a lot of money. (7:32) This is the lesson.(7:35) I'm convinced the reason embarrassment is so embarrassing is because you replay it in your head 15,000 times after it happens. (7:43) And that's what makes it more embarrassing. (7:46) I told a couple people about it and I was laughing about it.(7:48) It's like, whatever, man, fuck you. (7:49) Have a good day. (7:50) I don't care.(7:51) Whatever. (7:51) I'm going to go live my life. (7:53) And honestly, my life is pretty freaking good.(7:55) All things considered. (7:56) So you, whatever, dude, you need to get a little, you need to get a ribbing out of someone today. (8:00) And you'll probably tell a bunch of people that came in about this idiot kid who didn't know what he was doing.(8:04) Like, whatever, it's fine. (8:05) I'm going to talk about your ass on the podcast. (8:07) So there's that too.(8:10) That was the lesson. (8:12) I told a couple of people, I told a couple of people, and then I went about my day. (8:18) And then I, then I went about my day.(8:19) And is it funny now? (8:20) I think it's hilarious. (8:23) But if I just kept replaying it, cause I had that moment of like, oh, you're so stupid.(8:28) You just feel like an idiot when something like that happens, you know? (8:32) So that's the, that's my lesson. (8:35) The one thing I think we all need to know about embarrassment is I think we, by replaying the thing over and over and over again, probably embarrass ourselves more than we actually were embarrassed in the, in the actual act of it happening.(8:46) That's my thesis.
Alan Lazaros
(8:47) So Kevin opened to this episode before we hit record saying, you're not going to like this topic. (8:53) I don't, I don't dislike it. (8:55) I think it's really good because I think how you react to embarrassment is going to make or break a lot of your success.(9:02) I don't say that lightly because if you get embarrassed, which you will, if you start a company or shoot for anything big, the next level, you're going to get embarrassed. (9:13) Of course, you're just gonna, I don't think that, I don't think you can be successful at anything without some embarrassment because you're going to be a beginner and you're going to do something stupid around people that are not beginners. (9:28) So it's just inevitable.(9:30) But what is your relationship with embarrassment? (9:32) I wanted to ask you this because Kev told a story way back on the hyper conscious podcast about in high school, he had these pit stains. (9:39) I did.(9:39) I probably have them right now. (9:40) I do. (9:41) It's hot in here.(9:42) And back in high school, that was like the end for you. (9:47) NLU listener, what is happening? (9:49) I just wanted to jump in here and let you know, if you want to get to the next level faster, we have a free virtual monthly meetup at the first Thursday of every month.(9:58) You can connect with like-minded people and become a bigger part of this amazing global community. (10:03) The link to register will be in the show notes.
Kevin Palmieri
(10:07) Oh my God, I was sitting next to, so I was in Mr. Smith's class.
Alan Lazaros
(10:12) You had Mr. Smith.
Kevin Palmieri
(10:13) Can you give me just first name of the person you were sitting with? (10:15) Craig. (10:16) Yeah, yeah.(10:16) Craig.
Alan Lazaros
(10:18) I hope that we went to high school together.
Kevin Palmieri
(10:19) I know it makes things so much better. (10:21) I raised my hand to ask a question and, and this, this kid was a friend of mine. (10:25) It wasn't, he wasn't trying to be a dick.(10:27) He wasn't, like he, he wasn't, he wasn't like that kind of kid. (10:30) He's like, dude, pits, you got pit stains, man. (10:32) And I was like, what?(10:34) And I looked down and I was like, oh my God. (10:36) First time I had ever thought about that in my entire life. (10:40) I didn't wear gray shirts for years.(10:44) Dude, I bought special deodorant. (10:47) I was like, do I need to get those pads that you put under your arm? (10:50) I was so freaking embarrassed.(10:53) So embarrassed by that. (10:55) It was terrible. (10:56) Yeah.
Alan Lazaros
(10:57) High school was awful. (10:58) High school was pretty bad. (10:59) High school was basically just spending your entire existence trying to figure out how to not look bad.(11:04) How do I not? (11:06) One time, I kid you not, I was eating one of those, you know, those freaking rocket pops way back. (11:13) I was in Ms. Gilmette's class and we were doing SAT prep and Kiki was behind me and we were reading some fucking passage and I was big into math, so I didn't give a shit. (11:27) And my pop melted all over the book, man, straight up all over the book. (11:33) And Kiki started losing it because he looked over and my hands were covering it. (11:38) And then I pulled my hands off and he fucking lost it.(11:42) This is my best friend growing up. (11:44) And Mrs. Gilmette kicked us out of class and said, is there something you'd like to share with the rest of the class? (11:49) It was a whole thing.(11:52) But anyways, the point of this is how do you handle embarrassments? (11:57) I've had the entire class laugh at me. (11:59) I kid you not.(12:01) I have been laughed off stage at a fitness competition. (12:04) I also kid you not.
Kevin Palmieri
(12:05) Kevin was there for that.
Alan Lazaros
(12:06) I was there for that. (12:07) Yeah, that was brutal. (12:08) That was, I kind of wanted to beat their asses too, to be honest.(12:11) It's like, fuck you guys, honestly. (12:14) And you're both wildly out of shape, by the way. (12:16) So you might judge me, but what the hell, get in the gym.(12:20) But again, at the end of the day, it's just insecurity. (12:23) And then on this journey too, I mean, I'm still in some ways proving my value or proving my worth or having people give me advice that maybe don't understand what I really understand and certainly don't understand what you and I are building or why we're building it or how big it will be. (12:47) I think that to me, it has motivated the hell out of me.(12:52) I have a list of people who have been bullies. (12:54) I do. (12:55) And it's in my head.(12:56) It's always there. (12:59) And now, and this is hopefully valuable for everyone listening. (13:05) When I get shit on, I skip the frustration part.(13:11) I don't want to say fully. (13:11) I get frustrated. (13:12) I get upset.(13:13) I get mad. (13:16) Emilia calls it sacred rage. (13:19) And yeah, right.(13:20) And I vent about it a little bit behind the scenes. (13:23) And then I just go, okay, I'll fucking show you. (13:29) It's all good.(13:30) And ultimately what I've come to now, and I used to think this was kind of bullshit because I think you need to have a little bit of this when you're younger, when you're getting shit on, you're getting bullied. (13:39) No one believes in you. (13:40) You got to have that, like prove yourself thing.(13:43) You do a little bit seriously. (13:44) Otherwise you, I think that's where a lot of my drive came from. (13:48) It's like, okay, all right.(13:49) Yep. (13:50) You obviously don't know my value. (13:51) I'm going to, you will one day, but eventually that has to evolve because eventually you become more successful and more successful and more successful.(13:59) And it still keeps happening. (14:01) And you're like, well, wait a minute. (14:02) I mean, I thought by now, maybe the 3,000th episode, people will take us seriously.(14:08) Right? (14:09) It turns out you realize it's not about that. (14:11) And so I have a list of bullies who I do believe were disrespectful.(14:15) Didn't believe in me, blah, blah, blah. (14:17) And one day I'm not going to thank them, but I will say I've already in some ways thanked them inside of me. (14:22) And now I almost, I still don't like it, but there's definitely something to it where it's almost like, okay, I'm going to use this.(14:32) I feel like that's fuel. (14:34) I want to ask you, what is it for you though?
Kevin Palmieri
(14:36) Because not that, not that, I don't know. (14:39) It's that was different. (14:41) Cause it was like, look, I don't know what I'm doing here.(14:43) It's completely understandable. (14:44) Like I'm sure again, this is like a well-known golf course that a lot of really good people go to. (14:49) And I'm not that.(14:51) So the guy was probably waiting for something like that to happen. (14:54) That probably happens every so often. (14:56) So I think that's different versus if it was something else that I got embarrassed in that I was like good at.(15:02) Yeah. (15:02) I think it would be different. (15:04) I already felt out of control.(15:05) I already felt out of my element.
Alan Lazaros
(15:06) What's your relationship with embarrassment? (15:08) Embarrassment.
Kevin Palmieri
(15:09) It sucks. (15:09) I hate it. (15:10) I hate it.(15:11) Does it motivate you?
Alan Lazaros
(15:14) What's your truth?
Kevin Palmieri
(15:15) My truth is I prepare. (15:18) So I'm not embarrassed more than I get motivated by being embarrassed when we bombed the training.
Alan Lazaros
(15:26) Oh, it's fucking terrible. (15:27) Did that motivate you?
Kevin Palmieri
(15:28) No, no, because if it was up to me and I prepped, we wouldn't have bombed it. (15:34) That's the, okay. (15:35) Let's say it was you.(15:36) It wouldn't have been. (15:38) Oh, for fuck's sake. (15:39) I know, but you got to it.(15:42) It wouldn't have been, I wouldn't have let it happen like that. (15:44) Okay.
Alan Lazaros
(15:44) Now that you've worked with someone who is motivated by embarrassment, I, I would say if I were to look at, I have a checklist of things that I know we're going to jump. (15:52) I have a checklist of things that I'm trying to identify as key indicators of future success. (15:57) When you invest in a company, there's certain things you look for.(15:59) I'm going to eventually invest in people, entrepreneurs, business owners, and I'm looking for certain things. (16:04) I want to have an algorithm that calculates the probability of statistical success based on the individual character traits. (16:08) One of them is going to be reaction to embarrassment.(16:11) If you shut down after embarrassment versus like ignite embarrassment is one of the prey drive triggers in the book flip to flip the switch. (16:21) I interviewed coach Michael Byrd on business growth university. (16:24) He talked about the book flip the switch.(16:25) He, he studied the top 20 motivational theories. (16:31) Embarrassment is one of the prey drive triggers. (16:34) Not for everyone though, because embarrassment absolutely shuts some people down for sure.
Kevin Palmieri
(16:39) It makes me prep. (16:40) That's one of the reasons I did so much prep. (16:42) I was always, I always try to be prepared because I didn't want to embarrass myself in that way, you know, but I think it depends.(16:47) It depends on what it's in. (16:48) It depends on how you're feeling about yourself. (16:50) It depends on whether you're riding high or not.(16:51) I remember we had Jarek Robbins on the podcast. (16:54) It was Tony Robbins son. (16:55) And one of the questions I was like, this is going to be a fire question.(16:58) Nobody's ever asked him this before. (16:59) I asked something along the lines of like, what was it like to up with someone who's so inspirational and so motivational? (17:05) Like what was it like to be that close to someone like that?(17:09) And it was just shut me down. (17:11) It was like, Hmm, I'm not going to answer that pretty much. (17:14) And I was like, I was so embarrassed by that.(17:17) I was so embarrassed by that because I thought that was, was I motivated by it? (17:23) No, I don't think not in the traditional sense. (17:25) You know what I was motivated by from that to never answer a question the way that question was answered.(17:31) Honestly, it was like, I'm never going to.
Alan Lazaros
(17:34) And by the way, he's just really insecure about that. (17:36) I think he's concerned on a deep level that the reason we had him on the podcast is because of his father. (17:41) And there's some truth to that.(17:43) And he's just so insecure about being in the shadow of that.
Kevin Palmieri
(17:45) But I didn't, I wish I knew that if I had the awareness, then I could have asked the question.
Alan Lazaros
(17:50) But he wasn't vulnerable.
Kevin Palmieri
(17:51) He was a dick instead of being vulnerable.
Alan Lazaros
(17:53) And I have no problem saying that.
Kevin Palmieri
(17:55) That's the way that I, and I coached Jarek for a time, by the way, in fitness. (17:59) So that's the way I respond is I, it doesn't necessarily inspire me to go like get better or quote unquote, but it's way in some different way. (18:08) Like I'll never answer a question like that.(18:10) That's that changed your character.
Alan Lazaros
(18:12) Makes sense for me. (18:13) It inspired me to aim higher, work harder, get smarter. (18:16) How do you handle your embarrassment?(18:18) That's that's my next level lesson.
Kevin Palmieri
(18:19) My next level lesson is be careful when you go play golf. (18:22) Cause there might be somebody behind the counter who wants to have a little dig at you. (18:25) If you want to pull them over the counter, throw his shirt up over his head and give him a couple of Hadoukens, you shouldn't do it.(18:30) You shouldn't do it. (18:33) All right, cool. (18:34) Next Level Nation.(18:34) We have a private Facebook group. (18:35) It's called Next Level Nation. (18:36) We have the Next Level Dreamliner that will help you get to your goals one day, one habit, one breakthrough at a time.(18:43) And as always, we love you. (18:44) We appreciate you. (18:45) Grateful for each and every one of you.(18:46) And at NLU, we don't have fans, we have family. (18:48) We will talk to you all tomorrow. (18:49) Keep it Next Level.(18:51) Next Level Nation. (18:54) Thanks for joining us for another episode of Next Level University. (18:58) We love connecting with the Next Level family.
Alan Lazaros
(19:00) We mean it when we say family. (19:02) If you ever need anything, please reach out to us directly. (19:06) Everything you need to get a hold of us is in the show notes.
Kevin Palmieri
(19:09) Thank you again, and we will talk to you tomorrow.