Unlocking the Power of Presence: Neuroscience Meets Self-Leadership

Welcome back to Season 13 of the Neuroscience Meets Social and Emotional Learning Podcast, where we connect the science-based evidence behind social and emotional learning and emotional intelligence training for improved well-being, achievement, productivity, and results, using what I saw as the missing link, since we weren't taught this when we were growing up in school.

The application of practical neuroscience. I'm Andrea Samadhi, an author and an educator with a passion for learning, and launched this podcast six years ago with the goal of bringing all the leading experts together in one place to help us to apply this research in our daily lives. Music.

On today's episode number 354 we continue with the final topic of our 18-week self-leadership series based on grant bosnick's tailored approaches to self-leadership that we first dove into with our interview episode 321 the end of january of 2024 the goal was that each week we focused on learning something new from Grant's book tied to the most current neuroscience research that builds off the prior week to help take us to greater heights this year.

And it honestly shocked me that this series took the entire year.

Our final topic today will be the neuroscience of presence, and then stay tuned for a review of the entire series to help us to move forward in 2025 with a new lens. Now, if you've taken the leadership self-assessment, look to see if presence in Pathway 2, along with inspiration and motivation, persuade and influence, is of a low, medium, or high priority for you to focus on this year.

I wasn't surprised to see this pathway is a high area of focus for me as I'm always looking for new ways to motivate, inspire, and influence, and presence is something I know I need to work on daily, bringing my attention back to the present moment, or you might catch me daydreaming. And it made me laugh when Mazzotti Sajedi mentioned that he noticed this with me back on episode 348 last year. Our presence is something that can be felt, that's for sure.

Now let's take this deeper with Grant's book. Grant opens up chapter 19, his final chapter, by saying that presence is a product of our internal thoughts, our external behaviors, and interactions with others. It's something he says that we carry with us at all times, whether we're walking into a meeting room, or walking anywhere, I might add, or sitting at a bus stop. I can demonstrate this one easily because we've all been there.

I'll never forget Dr. Dan Siegel, who we interviewed way back in our early days of this podcast on episode 28. He was talking about this topic as he watched a mother with a young child walking, and the mother was on her cell phone, not present at all. He talked about the many opportunities for connection that were lost in this instance.

And I never forgot it because I've been guilty of doing exactly the same thing and potentially losing out on opportunities to make meaningful connections with others. Or think about this. In a conversation, someone is talking to you and you notice the void. They've left the conversation. They're standing right in front of you. They could be looking at you straight in the face, but they're no longer present mentally. You don't need to ask them where they've gone. You can just feel it.

And they eventually come back, but you know that they've been giving you half of their attention. Has this ever happened to you? Of course it has. Bosnick says that our presence can be direct or subtle presence, and it can be controlled or uncontrolled. With direct controlled presence, we can be the most interesting person in the room, being assertive, measured, and engaging, he says.

With subtle controlled presence, we can be the most interested person in the room, being observant, connected, and attentive. And he says that both add value in different situations. When I think about the most interested person in the room, my mind goes back to our company Zoom meetings where there's one person, Nikki, who always has her camera on and she's always listening to the conversation actively, showing she's truly interested.

She's an incredible role model for the rest of us and I find her attention to be motivating. Now this past Christmas holiday, we did a secret Santa at our work and Nikki was one of the organizers. I thought it would be fun to participate, so I signed up for this chance to get to know some of my work colleagues in a different way. When my box arrived at my house and we all met on a call to open our gifts together, I was blown away with the items that were bought for me.

Person who was my secret Santa knew me well. They found out that I enjoy hiking in my spare time, and they bought some items that they thought I could really use when I'm out on the hiking trails. This person demonstrated they were interested in me with subtle presence by being observant, connected, and attentive. Wouldn't you know it that my secret Santa was Nikki, and her presence made me want to do the same thing for others. What about the most interesting person in the room?

We all know this one. With direct, controlled presence, they become assertive, measured, and engaging, and it's hard to take your eyes off of them. They're impossible to miss, and I'm sure we can all close our eyes and think of an example of someone who uses their direct, controlled presence really well. Now, no one wants to be invisible. or on the other hand, overwhelming. So this idea of presence takes practice.

Bosnick says that while some people are naturally skilled at controlling and flexing between levels of presence, like my coworker Nikki, most of us need to consciously work at it to bring it into our control and use it to our best advantage.

So how can we improve our presence? Let's go straight to the expert on this topic, Dr. Dan Siegel, whose book, Aware, The Science and Practice of Presence, dives into a meditation practice called the Wheel of Awareness that uses science and psychology to strengthen your capacity for presence.

So what is the neuroscience of presence? This is what Dr. Dan Siegel helps us to understand in his book Aware that outlines why the meditation that he created, the Wheel of Awareness, begins with helping us to become more mindful. But the byproduct of this mindfulness is that people seem interested in exploring how they might cultivate more presence in their lives so they become healthier, happier, and kinder to themselves and others.

Of course, at the end of our interview six years ago now, Dr. Siegel asked me what I was learning from doing his Wheel of Awareness meditation every day. And I shared what I learned in an extensive review of Dr. Siegel's Wheel of Awareness on episode 60. It took me some time to uncover what I learned, but not only does this scientifically proven meditation change the structure and function of our brain in fascinating ways.

And some of them he lists, there's an integration of structure and function of the brain. So integration means well-being. There's a reduction of the stress hormone cortisol when you do this meditation. There's an enhancement of immune function, an improvement in cardiovascular risk factors, a reduction in inflammation versus epigenetic changes, and an optimization of telomerase, which is fascinating because it repairs and maintains the ends of chromosomes, which slows aging.

But in addition to these changes, I noticed an increase of ability with my five senses, also with increased sensations within my body, and most importantly, what Dr. Siegel was looking to see if I noticed, was that it helped me to increase my connection to people around me, expanding my presence far outside of myself and into the world around me. Now, if you type the word presence into Dr. Siegel's book, Aware. You'll find it's listed 85 times.

Within his Wheel of Awareness Meditation, he shares it's about monitoring with stability whatever is arising as it arises. And when you do this practice day after day, it's this awareness that he says we're calling presence. So how can we become more mindful or present in our day-to-day living so that we're aware of what's happening, whatever is arising day-to-day? Dr. Dan Siegel suggests that we do a regular practice that trains the mind.

The training of the mind is sometimes called meditation, where he says we learn to strengthen our focused attention. And I wrote three tips now to start to become more present with whatever it is that arises in our day-to-day life. Step one, meditate to strengthen our mind.

Find a meditation where you must be active, not just sit and listen and drift off. It could be Dr. Siegel's Wheel of Awareness or even our most downloaded episode series of all time, The Silva Method, but find the best time of day to practice strengthening your mind and stay consistent. Step 2. Next, practice being mindful. Once we've strengthened our mind, now we've got to put this mental strength into practice.

Like Nikki on Zoom calls, she increased her presence by being the most interested person in the room. Or what about when we're in a conversation with someone else and our mind wanders? Are you able to mindfully bring it back quickly? Dr. Siegel reminds us that mental presence is a state of being awake and receptive to what's happening. As it's happening in the moment, within us, and between the world and us. And finally, notice what happens with this increased presence.

As we work on strengthening our own presence in the world, and as we're being observant, connected, and attentive to others, or present, Dr. Siegel would say that we go from the state of I to a more integrative self that he calls Mui. This is where you and me connect together, and like I noticed with my Wheel of Awareness practice, it increased the importance of expanding my presence outside of myself to include others around me in the world.

And when we're truly present in our work and personal lives, we'll begin to notice the connections around us and how important they are. And it takes some time, though, to put this into practice, as we're often bombarded with so many distractions daily that takes us away from this much-needed presence.

And getting back to chapter 19 of Grant Bosnick's book, he asks us to reflect on his presence framework, image 19.1, and he asks us to think about these questions. Have you ever felt uncontrolled direct presence where you might be overdoing it and unintentionally overwhelming others? Do you know how to use empathy and emotional intelligence to direct yourself back to being more mindful of how you're showing up to others.

Think of someone who has controlled, direct presence, making them the most interesting person in the room. And then think of someone who has controlled, subtle presence, who appears to be the most interested person on a consistent basis. And once you know which quadrant you typically show up in with Bosnick's presence framework, you can begin the work to train your mind to become more present in your daily work and personal life.

And I guarantee this will help you to build stronger, more effective relationships with others. You'll start seeing how your connections go from thinking about I to me to we, you and me together.

So to review and conclude this week's episode 354 on the neuroscience of presence, we covered chapter 19 of Grant Bosnick's tailored approaches to self-leadership with the topic of presence. We looked at Bosnick's presence framework with examples of subtle and direct presence. Then we looked at the neuroscience of presence using Dr. Dan Siegel's book, Aware, the Science and Practice of Presence.

We looked at three tips to develop more presence in our day-to-day life with reflections for using mindfulness and meditation to improve our presence and expand our connections with others in the world. I hope this episode has been as helpful to you as it was for me. Being more present in my daily life, my work and personal life is something that takes effort for me, even after implementing Dr. Dan Siegel's Wheel of Awareness meditation.

Distractions come fiercely every second of the day, and it takes a trained mind to divert our attention to what matters the most for us. This takes practice and effort, but the results are well worth it. And with that thought, we'll close out this episode. And next time, we'll review all 19 chapters of Grant Bosnick's tailored approaches to self-leadership all in one place. We'll see you next time.

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