Native Lampard is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership with Reason Choice Media. Our dear brother, Reverend Doctor Jamal Bryant and his lovely bride, Reverend Doctor because we can put some respect on her name too, Reverend Doctor Carrie Bryant made history as well. At their church, they preach a joint sermon together for Black Love Day, Valentine's Day and Frederick Douglass Weekend. And we want to roll two of those clips.
Let's get it.
Let me start by saying this, Every woman is not the same.
Come on, sisters.
Her difference is what makes her unique. Your ability to learn the language of the woman in your life starts with you studying her difference. You may find often that there are two general styles for women. A style when she feels loved, she feels spiritually and emotionally safe. When she feels respected, she'll be direct, but she gonna be tender. She's warm, and she's gonna be honest. When she's safe, she'll be playful with you. She'll tease and have banter
back and forth with you. When she's respected, she'll be emotionally open with you and begin to share her fears, her vulnerabilities and her dreams. She'll be nurturing and affirming. Her nonverbal attributes will show in her body language that it feels good to be around you. Can I tell you that a woman who is safe speaks differently, She moves differently, she engages differently. Now there is another style that she may have when she feels unsafe or indifferent.
My lord, she gonna be direct. In short, I've seen that.
Guarded, emotionally, flat, at times cold, possibly withdrawing access from you.
She might cold switch a little bit. That means you're gonna get corporate Carrie, and not the carry you know at home.
Corporate.
Hello, how are you? What is it that I can assist you with today? Did you receive the email that I sent to you? My hours are between nine and five. You would like to contact me, you can go through my assistant. She will be more than happy to help you. Y'all know what I'm talking about. She will be dismissive and uninterested. Don't think you're gonna get no band, no plan around, no smiles on our face. This is because when we feel unsafe, we close off. We leave the texts on red.
She was just staring at you right now.
Oh my lord.
There were times during the Super Bowl when Bad Bunny looked in the camera but didn't say anything.
I need you to hear this. The man in your life wants you to hear this.
Women talk too much. I'm gonna have to high find me in the spirit. Silence does not mean disconnection. Women speak on average sixteen thousand words a day. Brothers, just blink at me twice.
I know you can't say amen right now. Just meet me in the hallway. I got you. Women speak sixteen thousand.
Words a day and men only speak seven thousand words a day.
So many times men hear this.
Think through reflection and not through articulation.
Wives, I got to ask you a question. Think for a moment.
Why it is only men who require a man cave.
There is no such thing as a woman cave.
Men, When we hear what you are saying, we think, how do we solve it?
That's right?
And many times you are sharing when we are looking to solving.
Boy, I want to hear this type of feedback you are going this. I was like, I want to go back and hear the whole thing. I have not yet, and I really want to.
No, my parents years ago.
My mother transitioned last year, but years ago, my parents used to preach together in their church in Baltimore. This is over twenty five years ago, so I said, carry, let's try it. This was our first time ever doing anything in that realm at all. But what I really want you to see, Ange is after the sermon, we renewed the vowels of one hundred and fifty married couples.
So to see one hundred and fifty black couples on one stage was what was amazing, Andrew, what was crazy is we wanted to honor the couple that had been married the longest. They had been fifty seven years married. And then we said, who's been married the shortest amount of time. It was a couple that was four months.
So we said, we're going to give a gift to the couple who's been married the shortest amount of time to go to dinner with the couple that's been married the longest, so that they can coach them and mentor them and give them the tools. So my staff hands me a card. Okay, the couple that's been married the shortest amount of time is Lisa and Michael. So I said, Lisa and Michael, because this one hundred and fifty couples out here, Lisa and Michael, y'all come up. We want
to give you this gift certificate and meet the oldest couple. Okay, the couple that have been married for four months was sixty years old. Because the group, the group was on a cane. We had to help him get up. Oh were you're talking about love for the second time?
What we had in our own man?
But to answer your question, it was it was absolutely Love comes in so many different shapes and sizes and forms.
Listen, don't let love just happened for the twenty years, right. Let Nana get some. Letting Nana get some. Oh Lord, Lord.
First of all, my brother is sixty, so let me find out.
He pop pop.
But yeah, that is incredible.
It was.
It was such a good sermon. And I think the way that the clips because again, y'all, I'm going to go back and watch it, urge our listeners to go and watch it and listen to it as well. But I think what's so remarkable about it is, you know, with you and with Carrie, I love you, Guys's love. I just sent a text the other day. I sent Carrie's clip to Mignon and Kim and I literally said that. I said, she is the perfect mate for Jamal, like
we could not have designed a better person. God knew exactly what God was doing, So I just I want to shout out our dear sister, especially because there's so many times where she's come under attack for being different, for showing up in ways that they don't see a traditional first lady or you know, a pastor who's a woman, And I just love that she's like, I am going to define myself for myself and y'all just gonna have to wait and see. That doesn't mean that it's any less painful.
So I applied you.
To brother for being ride or Di said a wheels fall off and saying I bought the dress and everything else you got to say in between to make sure that she knows she's protected.
And you know, why are you here? Let me just steal some advice from you while we got you. Let me ask you a personal question. Just act like Andrew and Angela aren't here, But what are some of the tools that you use in your marriage whenever moments of conflict arise with someone who is strong and independent and someone you love with your whole heart, but equally yoked. How do you avoid spiraling and making sure that your lines of communication remain open.
I'm gonna say just to Bakari and Andrew and you can eachdrop. The whole controversy with the dress really awakened something in me, Boocard that I had adjusted to dysfunction. I was so used to being persecuted that I became known, so it didn't bother me what blog said or what the Internet had to say, or what was the crazy comment, because I'm used to people coming sideways. But seeing my wife's humanity in it, I realized that I had compartmentalized.
And because all of us, Bacary, Angela, Andrew, we have grown up in public space one way or anothering you can become so numb to it or adjusted to it that you almost have to parent your partner.
You know, you holding it. It's gonna be okay, right, this will be at the next news cycle. Just give it a couple of days.
Don't respond, because we've been in it, and if not ourselves, the people who have mentored us, we have had to watch them go through it and so becar It tapped into my humanity that it's okay to be superman.
But the reality is.
All of us are Clark kny and so rather than being dismissive, you have to identify with the I tell you it's okay, but to say, you know what, this hurts me too, and it hurts me that it hurts you. But minimizing it is only going to exacerbate it because it's going to.
Make them question why am I hurt? Why am I angry?
And when we're in this public space, people forget that you're human, They forget that you actually have feelings. And so we have gone into we pray together every day as opposed to praying together when we're in crisis. So when you pray together every day, it creates a different kind of rhythm so that it doesn't become alien and it's not in case of emergency break glass.
My mother used to say something.
To me years ago, and I give this to all the singles who are watching. Prayer is more intimate than sex. That people will sleep with you who would never pray with you.
That's the fact, because you don't want you know, some of their prayers don't make it through the roof, so you can't listen.
Yeah, you can always tell us, I would say, identifying it and then taking away your tough skin, because it can become an enabler. And you got to really get in touch at your humanity and a lot of times because we feel it through our kids or we feel through our spouse, and so being more in tune to your humanity and not just the black button.
I'm sorry to take some time.
I was, that was on my heart.
So I just had to ask, Yeah, well.
You all, I mean, you're the discermine y'all hit y'all, y'all hit on it. I mean, y'all been in anybody's households. It felt like you you observed enough of what happens in marriages, and obviously your life experience has lent a
lot to it. But blessing to your parishioners and obviously for you all's willingness to make sure that you're sharing your messages outside, out of the edifice, outside of the building itself, so that you know, unchurched people and otherwise are able to to to access it and be drawn closer quite frankly to Christ, because that's what this is all is, That's what this is all for. That it brings us closer uh and and deeper into our faith.
And I'll just say you you were running down my street, up the block, through the front door on this idea of the numbing that you do with regard to criticism, to the point that you lessen it so much that when others are going through it your espouse, you're like, why can't you snap back? It's just like, you know, keep it moving, like get with it where that is what it is, move on and it'll be over and
jay during you know. So the zenith of the crisis that we were in about this t shirt that said what you don't understand about me, what you need to understand about me is I'm not you and the rest will make sense. And it like spoke she had reached out a place it was like, Okay, what works for you is and what work for me, and what works for me may not work for you, but you just need to understand that we're not gonna see these things the same way. I have my own way of seeing it.
And now the rest of all my decisions will make sense to you that they're not yours, their mine.
And let me add because I don't want to be presumptuous of everybody knowing my story. It is the second marriage for both Carre and myself. I was divorced for ten years.
Carry was divorced for nine years, and Nelson Mandela said, it is not a loss, it's a lesson, right, and so you should learn something from your previous relationships. Sometimes the lesson is you learn what not to do, and you learn that it's not always the other person, but what is the brokenness in you that has to be addressed?
Right?
That's right.
Native Lampod is a production of iHeartRadio in partnership with Resent Choice Media. For more podcasts from iHeartRadio, visit the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.